What If...?

The bi panic omg I need more

Hi! Can I please request a Darkling and reader oneshot where they're married and she always look very elegant but in reality she's a great strategist and fighter?

Maybe Alina meets her when she is presented to the king, and is amazed by her and then sees her fighting in the training grounds and Alexander can't help but make some proud remarks?

Thank you so much, and feel free to change it a bit.

ADORED

The Darkling/Aleksander Morozova x reader

warnings: Alina’s POV, canon up to a point, Zoya bashing (canon episode 3), everyone has a crush on you, milf!reader, Alina is bi deal with it, vague descriptions of reader’s body.

summary: Alina meets the most adored person in the Little Palace; General Kirigan’s beautiful wife, Y/N

word count: 2037

taglist: @tranquilitymoon @thefifthweasley @savannah-elliott @ateliefloresdaprimavera @fandomstuffff @all-art-is-quite-useless @for-bebbanburg @mrs-brekker15 @the-abyss-gazed-back @timeknightt

@buckystarlight I mentioned writing this agessss ago lol 😅

dedicated to my wife and loml @aleksanderwh0r3 

. . .

Alina walked down the staircase, noticing two guards walking side-by-side behind her. she attempted to walk out the door, but was stopped by two other guards. 

a feminine voice came from her right. “Alina! there you are!” two girls wearing blue keftas came up to her, taking her arm on either side. one was tall, with hair tied up in neat braids, while the other was shorter than Alina, with a braid down her back.

“we’ve been looking for you!“ the second girl said, guiding her away from the guards. “we weren’t properly introduced earlier. I’m Marie, this is Nadia,“ she said, pointing to herself then the girl on Alina’s right, who was smiling at her. she liked them already, it would be nice to have friends here. 

“why are the guards keeping me inside,“ she asked, noticing that the guards were behind them again, their faces stoic and eyes blank.

“you’re supposed to be in training now... are you really a mapmaker?“ asked Nadia, looking at her quizzically.

“were you really attacked by Fjerdans?“ interjected Marie

“how many Fjerdans did you kill?“

“kill? I barely got a swing off at one,“ explained Alina, feeling a bit overwhelmed.

“sounds like our timing is perfect.“

“welcome to the first part of your new daily schedule,” said Nadia, just as the trio entered a large courtyard. 

“combat training,” Marie and Nadia said in sync. Grisha wearing all different colour keftas stood in the yard, some just talking, some practising hand movements, and others fighting. eyes followed them as they walked.

Nadia and Marie brought her over to where a muscular Shu man was training people in blue and red keftas. alongside him was a slightly familiar woman in a black kefta, just like General Kirigan’s. her hair was tied back neatly, and her hands were clasped together behind her back. “who’s that?” she asked no one in particular

they didn’t even need to ask who she meant, all three of them staring at the beautiful woman in black, who at that moment laughed at something Botkin said. she clapped him lightly on the shoulder and the students with them looked on enviously. “that is Y/N Kirigan, isn’t she perfect?“ Nadia sighed, making Marie roll her eyes.

“Kirigan? she seems familiar...“

“General Kirigan’s wife,“ Marie explained, poking Nadia to tell her to compose her dreamy expression. “only they wear black keftas. she participates in every aspect of Grisha training, but she’s closest to Botkin. apparently they’re old friends, though she looks younger than her age. there’s a portrait of her grandmother in the main hallway, they’re identical, that’s probably why you recognise her.“ 

"how old is she?"

"30s, I'm guessing, though it's hard to put an age on her, she’s gorgeous.” Alina agreed completely.

just as Alina was about to ask Marie another question, Botkin came walking over to the trio. Mrs. Kirigan followed behind. “Sun Summoner,” he called, “all of Ravka’s foes want to kill you before you can destroy the Fold. It’s a great honour to have so many enemies.”

“a very warm greeting,“ Alina remarked under her breath. 

“he’s always like this,“ replied Nadia.

“you must learn to defend yourself fast, do you know how to fight?“ 

“Botkin, she’s been here two minutes, let her breathe, hmm?“ a voice from behind him called. Alina blinked as Y/N walked past Botkin, lightly smacking his shoulder. her hips swayed as she walked, and Alina could swear she saw a Grisha boy’s jaw drop behind her.

“we don’t have time to dawdle,“ grunted Botkin, but his eyes were fond when he looked at her. behind them, the Grisha training weren’t trying to hide their glances either, some of awe, some of respect, some of lust, just like the boy, who had wisely closed his mouth.

“I’ve had some training,“ Alina said, not wanting to seem weak in front of the others.

“show me. pick an opponent,“ declared Botkin, and Y/N rolled her eyes at him, before shaking her head and walking to the side, back to her awaiting students.  

Alina had done a lot of stupid things in her life, but she liked to think that she had a good head on her shoulders. 

but punching Zoya right across the face, although satisfying, meant being thrown across the yard by her Squaller abilities, and then everything going black.

when she opened her eyes again she saw the two very worried faces of Nadia and Marie over her, asking if she was okay. 

“I can’t believe she did that,“ exclaimed Nadia

“she’s just jealous,“ said Marie, “can’t bear the idea of anyone else being favoured by General Kirigan.“

“favoured? but he’s married?“ Alina’s thoughts began to clear.

Marie rolled her eyes, “and she knows that, she’s his favourite student by far, but acts like she’s his wife instead of Y/N, it’s ridiculous”

“does she know? Y/N?“

“of course, though I doubt she cares. Y/N still trains Zoya, I actually think she's quite fond of Zoya, saints knows why“ 

“she’s so perfect,“ Nadia sighed dreamily

“Y/N or Zoya?“ 

“Y/N, she’s so cool... though I have a better chance with Zoya. I don’t know why she wastes her time pining over him... when she could be with me,“ Nadia said, just as Alina looked over her shoulder. Botkin was scolding Zoya, before sending her away, as she went she shot dirty looks at the three of them, before marching off, kicking dust behind her

“Alina! are you alright, darling?“ 

Alina turned to see Y/N walking briskly towards them, looking concerned.  Nadia’s eyes widened when she saw her, and she turned her head to avoid embarrassment. 

“oh, I’m fine, umm, Mrs-”

she was cut off by light laughter. “oh please darling, call me Y/N, or General if you insist on formality. but I don’t think that’s necessary. are you sure you’re alright? did you hit your head hard?”

saints, Alina could see why Nadia had such a big crush on you. you and General Kirigan were an attractive couple, a very attractive couple.

“I fell on the straw so I’m alright, I swear... Y/N“

she smiled again, and Nadia made an almost inaudible choking sound. “either way, you should get checked out. I’m sure Nadia and Marie will take you, they’re good girls”

even Marie was blushing a bit, but stayed composed. “we will, thank you General Kirigan”

“please Marie, call me Y/N, and I’ll see you later on, especially you Alina,“ with another smile she was gone, black kefta sweeping around her legs, hips swaying slightly. 

“see what I mean? perfect“ Nadia sighed, and the two girls, though they didn’t say anything, agreed completely

. . . 

dinner was held in the most beautiful room Alina had ever seen. when she told Marie this, she laughed. “if you think this is beautiful, you should see the ballroom.” she could feel eyes on her the second she entered the room, eyes that flickered over her face, eyes specifically, and her kefta. Nadia and Marie took no notice of their stares, sitting on either side of her, acting like shields to the prying gazes.

a gold plate was set in front of her, and Marie gasped excitedly. “it’s to celebrate your victory with the king!” just as Alina lifted her fork the doors swung open again.

Y/N laughed as she and Fedyor walked in arm-in-arm, as all eyes left Alina and made their way to her. her hair was loose from the tight up-do it was in earlier, and her kefta wasn’t buttoned up to the top anymore, instead revealing more of her neck, and her collarbone. Fedyor took his seat beside Ivan, and to Alina’s surprise, Y/N walked over to where they were sitting.

“how was your first day with Baghra, Alina?“

a sharp jab in the ribs from Marie shook her out of her stupor. “it was... a good start.”

“meaning she was cranky and hit you with that cane of hers?“ Y/N laughed, raising an eyebrow. Alina didn’t even reply before she started again, “don’t worry about it love, I’ve known her since I was a child, and she’s cranky with me as well. anyways, I’ll allow you to eat your dinner. I see that you’ve been given a bit of special treatment by that husband of mine.”

from anyone else the words would have been patronizing, or mocking, but the sincerity and good humour in her eyes made Alina feel at ease. “just this once, I’d rather eat what everyone else eats”

“enjoy it love, you’ve earned it“

“is it true that you eat our food too?“ Nadia blurted, looking like she instantly regretted her words. “I mean... General Kirigan doesn’t eat with us, but you do, and I was just- uhh- nevermind “

“Nadia,“ Marie hissed, but Y/N just smiled. “it’s alright Marie, and yes Nadia, I have always preferred eating what my friends and students eat. I think that dinner is the best time of the day to be together as a family, no?”

Nadia just nodded rapidly, unable to recover quickly from her name being used. Y/N straightened her back, and brushed hair out of her face, “I’ll leave you too it then, talk later girls,” and she was gone, taking an empty seat beside Fedyor, who grinned upon seeing her, and immediately involved her in some argument with Ivan. 

beside Alina, Nadia put her head in her hands and Marie sighed deeply, as the three of them watched Y/N laugh at Ivan’s stoic expression

. . .

General Kirigan had Alina meet him early the next morning. “the training yard won’t be busy this time of day, come.” he walked quickly, and Alina struggled to catch up with him. the sun had just risen and golden sunlight poured into the Little Palace, filling every crevice with light. 

he was right, upon entering the yard, only one person was there already.

Y/N grinned when she saw them, and stopped what she was doing to come over and greet them. Alina hung back, so General Kirigan could embrace his wife, but instead you pushed right past him, bringing Alina herself into a hug.

her arms were snug around Alina’s shoulders, and Alina found herself greatly enjoying the warmth. Y/N smelled like fresh linen, a flowery scent, and there was a vague scent of a masculine cologne, one she recognised from the General himself. it was Heaven.

“good morning Alina, how did you sleep? I know it’s early, but I prefer training alone, I hope that’s alright?“ Y/N spoke very fast, still holding Alina’s shoulders. Alina just nodded before Y/N turned again, back to where she was. 

“my wife, though she has abilities, enjoys physical fighting as well. most Grisha rely solely on their gifts, but Y/N thought it best to show you both ways,” General Kirigan explained, as Y/N took position, flashing them a smile before starting

though she had no opponent, and was basically fighting thin air, she moved with such elegance and precision that it was hard for Alina to take her eyes off her. Y/N was like a blur, reaching what seemed to Alina to be impossible speeds and agility. 

Kirigan watched her fondly, adoration and worship clear in his eyes. “she’s incredible,” he murmured

“everyone who meets her agrees“ Alina replied, remembering the fond glances from Ivan and Botkin, two of the most serious men that Alina had ever met.

“she’s spent years forming connections, she believes that a life without friends is a life failed. they really do adore her“

when Y/N finished the training, not a hair nor her clothes were out of place, her smile wide as he came over to them again, looping her arms around Kirigan’s waist and kissing his cheek.

“well, what do you think love? fancy some extra classes?“ she asked Alina, and Alina gulped, as she watched Y/N’s chest rise and fall quickly due to exertion.

“will Botkin mind?“

“Botkin will be happy with whatever decision I make, so?“ she looked so hopeful and Alina’s heart leaped

“I’d love to!“

Nadia was going to lose her shit

HELLO? UM 😦

The Agony of Desire

Part 11 // Masterlist

Warnings: 18+, Smut, fingering, p in v sex, mild choking, talks of pregnancy, canon typical themes, drugging, assault, guns.

A/N: Brace for impact...

~

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,

And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."

- William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

~

It's kind of annoying that good things don't last. Who designed a world like that anyway? Where you could get a taste of something so perfect, so peaceful, and so explosive. The rekindling of a lost love, the burning passion of two years of agony, the desire to stay in a blissful paradise with the one person who ever made you feel... seen.

To have it ripped from your hands without a forethought, taken by the universe with five simple words.

We have to go back.

But you didn't want to. You wanted this, here, with him and the quiet moments in between careless laughter and the shared breath of lovers before a kiss. And you wanted to grip it tightly and tell the universe to fuck off because Billy Russo was yours and nobody would ever take him away from you again.

And he sees this all written on your face when he gets the words out.

"Hey, hey, hey," he says, finding his way to you as you look down, your throat tight beyond compare, your eyes watering as you try to pretend that you're fine. His hands on your shoulders, "We'll be okay," his voice interjects, "I'll keep you safe, it's just that Kingpin needs something more from me, and then we're done. We'll be back here- or free to be in New York together- wherever you want- it's just one more thing and it'll all be over." He rambles into your ear, and you wrap your arms around him, holding him to you.

You take a deep breath, listening to his heart race in his chest.

"I don't want to lose you. I only just got you back." You sniffle.

"Oh baby," he kisses the top of your head gently, "You're not losing me. Not that easily. You told me no several times and I still kidnapped you anyway."

That makes you laugh, which makes him laugh.

"When you say it like that, it makes you sound like a villain." You say in between breaths.

"I am a villain. I'm a really bad man." He confirms with a nod and you shake your head in disbelief.

Your stomach picks that moment to make a loud gurgling sound and your mouth drops open.

"Oh my god did you hear that-?"

"-I know right, what the fuck is living inside of you?" He says with mock horror in his face and you laugh, pulling him back into a hug that he returns easily.

You sway for a moment, before pulling back.

"Come, let's talk strategy over dinner." You say decidedly, pulling him toward the kitchen.

~

You're staring at his sleeping form, from your seat opposite him.

He always looks so young when he sleeps, appearing so innocent about the ways of the world, and you acknowledge that it must be his eyes that give him his age. The look in them, the weariness, the distrust, the way you can see him analysing things as they happen. It's what makes him look close to the age he always claims to be. Now though, he could pass for at least a decade younger. Billy's got eyes that have seen so much, and you just wished for one moment you could ease his burdens.

He'd explained to you last night, that some of the money hadn't gone through, that Fisk was demanding the remaining twenty million and would restart his pursuit of your family if he was not compensated. It was one thing to be hunted by the Meachums, but you would most likely never survive if they managed to put their differences aside long enough to pursue you.

It made you nervous. To be going back into the lion's den no matter how reassuring Billy was, that everything would be okay.

How could he know something like that? How was he so sure, that the minute you two landed in New York, that both groups wouldn't descend on you both and take it all away? Take what you'd just been given...

You unbuckle your seatbelt, standing, and smoothing out your black dress for a moment. Billy peeks an eye open sleepily, looking up at you as you take the few steps to him.

"Are you okay?" He asks, his voice laced with heavy sleep, undoing his seatbelt and opening his arms for you to climb into his lap. You accept the invitation, straddling his body easily, burying your head in his chest, listening for a quiet moment to his heart, feeling fear and anxiety rise in your throat, and letting the soft scent of him calm you.

"I'm okay." You say after a little bit, "Just scared."

His arms encircle you, a soft kiss to the crown of your head.

"It's easy, in and out, nothing to be afraid of."

He'd said the same thing last night, but fear, held no care for rationality. Fear's only job, was to remind you of everything you could lose.

You grip his sweater, taking a deep breath, contemplating whether to tell him what you'd almost spilled yesterday- that you loved him, beyond words, beyond reason, maybe even beyond fear.

And yet, you still couldn't figure out if you could forgive him for the last two years.

It was... strange.

To love someone so deeply and still be burdened by the weight of their actions.

Maybe that was love. Imperfect, flawed, cracked, but so blissfully warm at the same time.

The Japanese art form, Kintsugi comes to mind next, and you wonder if that was something possible for you and Billy. An object, made more beautiful after being broken.

It's what lulls you to sleep.

The comfort of broken things, and the hopes that you have the chance to put them back together.

You wake a little later when the plane shakes, you stiffen in fright and his hand is immediately on the back of your head.

"Just turbulence baby, you're okay." He soothes.

You make a little hum, crawling off his lap to give a big stretch.

He watches you carefully, and you turn to look at him in question.

"What are you doing?" You ask, wondering why he's just staring at you.

"Nothing, just... remembering." He says, giving you a sly smile.

"Creep." You say, with mock malice in your tone.

"Careful," he warns, "You'll get me hard if you keep talking like that."

You almost choke on your spit with the speed you inhale at. Holy fuck what gave him the right?

You grin when a comeback flies right into your head.

"I bet it doesn't take much to get you hard, Russo." You tease, reaching under your dress to tug your panties down your legs. You watch the muscle in his jaw pop as he clenches his teeth together, never breaking eye contact with you as you free your panties and ball them into your fist.

"I bet it just takes the right move at the right time and that big cock is all swollen and leaky, hmm?" You tease, tossing your panties at him. The soft material hits his chest.

He doesn't say a word, looking at you with amusement as you silently dare him to say something.

He takes a deep breath, tilting his head to study you a little, before he extends a hand to give two swift pats to this thigh.

Holy shit that did not just make you tingle.

"Do you want something, Russo?" You ask evenly, and his smile deepens.

Shit. He had that quiet dominance about him that made you want to get on your knees and have him fist your hair in his large hand-

Christ almighty, where did your feminism go?

"Come here." He says casually, looking away from you for a moment, as if the clouds could ever be as interesting as the little brat of a girlfriend he had, one that he knew craved a firm hand.

"Bite me." You quip.

"If I have to get up from here," He warns "You're not getting to come."

You lick your lips.

"You're bluffing. You like me too much."

When he stands, your entire body gives you a warning that you were now in danger of being punished.

"I do like you," he acknowledges, "but that's not going to stop me from teaching that bratty cunt some manners."

Oh boy.

You take a step back as he begins to approach you, adrenaline spiking in your system, but in this private jet, there really was nowhere to go.

"Lesson number one, when I say 'come here,' do you know what I expect you to do?"

You keep backing away, knowing that your space to evade him is getting smaller and smaller.

"Do I look like I give a shit?" You ask, looking back to see how much space you have left.

It's all the distraction he needs to grab you. You gasp as he pins your lower half against a seat, you wriggle your body, but can't seem to get any leverage to push him away.

"I expect you, to bring that needy little cunt to me." He says lowly, as if you haven't spoken.

"Who said I was needy?" You gasp out, between small grunts as you struggle to get away from him.

His warm hand is sliding between your thighs in the next second.

"Oh please," he says, doubling down on you, using his body to stop any hint of struggle, "We both know how hot and wet this cunt gets for me."

Your mouth drops open when his middle finger slides over your clit. You bite down on your bottom lip, going still.

"There she is," he hums in appreciation, "Just ready for me, hmm?" His finger circles your clit slowly, you feel your thighs relax involuntarily, opening up for him to take what he wants. Your head is turned to the side, avoiding his stern, but deliciously warm gaze to listen to his sultry voice.

"Say my name, baby. Tell me whose cunt this is."

You can't deny him here. Not when you're in the air flying back to your ex-fiance, you wouldn't give him any doubts about this.

"Yours, Billy." You say so softly, still avoiding his gaze.

You're rewarded with firmer circles to your clit. You hiss, tilting your head up to expose your neck to him reflexively.

You were made to be taken. And he was made to take.

"The things I want to do to you, baby, the ways I want to ruin you would probably get me arrested in some countries."

Your mind fills with all the terrible possibilities. A small moan slips from your mouth.

"You want that too, don't you? You want to give me what I want?"

You nod your head, sighing as his finger on your clit pauses for a moment, only to push into you a second later.

You gasp as his thick finger breaches your entrance, filling you and pressing right against your g-spot. You go rigid, gasping as the pleasure builds inside you, teetering on an edge that doesn't come because he then holds his hand still.

You let out a low whine and he chuckles in response, your noses bumping affectionately as if he isn't a finger deep inside you.

He makes a small movement, something of a 'come-hither' with his finger, that creates a tapping motion on that spot inside you.

Pleasure blooms from your cunt all the way up your spine, exploding in your brain, before his finger stops moving.

Your eyebrows are scrunched together, mouth parted as he torments that sweet spot deep inside you.

"Why?" He asks, as if you can remember what was being said.

"What?" You question, out of breath, as he makes a few pumps of his finger into you. You gasp, tightening your walls around his finger in a silent plea not to stop.

"Why do you want to give me what I want?"

You shiver as his thumb begins slow circles into your clit, your knees wobble.

"Because..." you trail off.

"Because?"

He stops all movement and your frustration peaks.

"Because I'm yours." You say under your breath, finally looking into his dark eyes.

Is that what he wanted to hear?

His mouth stretches into a predatory smile.

Suddenly, his finger withdraws from you. You gasp, desperate to keep him close, but your hands are unable to grab him before he's pulling away from you.

"Good. Don't forget it." He says, his back is to you as he heads back to his seat.

Oh this asshole...

The fasten seatbelt sign pings on and you huff in frustration.

You make your way back to your seat angrily, sitting down and fastening your seat belt, glaring at him the whole time.

He sits too, fastens his seatbelt, but not before giving you a good show of sucking your arousal off his finger.

Which only throws you back into the memories of his tongue, and how much he genuinely loves tasting you.

You couldn't even fathom how that was possible. How his head between your thighs, his tongue working you over could give him so much pleasure, when Ward before wouldn't even-

You suck in a breath, heart squeezing as you look at him. Really look at him.

He looks at you too, from his spot opposite, and you're not even touching, but you've never felt this connected to him. It feels like he's in your head, like you're in his, like you know everything he feels from one look at him.

Billy Russo is a part of you now, he's in your bones, running deep in your veins, and he always will be.

And from the burning look in his eyes, he feels the same way about you.

~

Your face is pressed to the bed, a little bit of drool slipping past the edge of your lips and soaking into the soft sheets as he ruts into you from behind.

There's a couple of pillows under your hips, propping your boneless body up, presenting your body for his railing.

Your eyes roll back in your head, an unintelligent sound floating past your lips and you hear him chuckle above you between forceful thrusts.

"Do you like that, baby? Does it feel good?" He asks, and you can only make another dumb sound in response.

'Feel good' was an understatement. It was more than that. If your pleasure was the big bang, he was at its center. He was the source, the fuel, the reason. All emphasised by each rough motion of his cock.

"So perfect for me, baby. So fucking perfect." He gasps, his brain short-circuiting with the abundance of pleasure.

You clench fistfuls of the sheets between your fingers, your pussy tightening around his cock, warning him that you're going to come. He grunts, hips slapping against yours loudly, his hands smoothing over your skin, scraping at the curve of your back and ass with his blunt nails.

Open and pliant below him, you whine as you're brought right to the edge.

"Gonna come so hard, hope you taste it." He grunts out, and you let out another whine, so close... so close...

But he pulls out of you at the very last second and you whine in distress. He flips you over forcefully, the pillows still haphazardly beneath you, raising your hips so that he can reenter you easily.

You gasp his name, pulling the wild strands of your hair away from your face. His hands are firm on your hips, squeezing so tightly, you think it may bruise.

"All mine. Isn't that right?" He asks.

"Mmhmmm." Is all the noise you can make.

"Only me?"

"Yes Sir." You murmur.

He pushes one of your legs up, you gasp as you feel him go deeper, a droplet of sweat trickles from his forehead, down his nose and lands on your hip. You've been going at this for a while, and you know you're going to be so sore tomorrow.

Your back arches, you were on edge again. Shallow breaths and desperate sighs and the gasp of his name and the clenching of your core and he stops again and you swear you're going to murder him.

"Stop. Fucking. Edging. Me." You gasp out angrily between breaths, and you hiss when his hand wraps around your throat tightly.

"Lose the fucking attitude, baby. You're mine and I can do what I want." He grits out.

He pulls the pillows from below you, so that you're flat on the bed, it makes a good position to cover the entirety of your body with his and then he's back inside you again.

Your ankles lock behind him as he delivers swift thrusts, one hand cups the back of your neck to pull your mouth to his.

You bury your fingernails into his back and he groans into your mouth. You want to leave evidence on his skin that you were here, below him, taking his cock inside you.

He breaks the sloppy kiss to catch a breath, but you barely let him, before you're pulling his mouth back to yours in a heated frenzy.

There it is again. You whine as you get close, your body tightening around his, begging him not to stop.

He takes the message this time, speeding up. Your teeth sink into his bottom lip, your nails grip and scratch along his skin. His cock fucking you open faster and faster until an explosion goes off in your head.

Your scream is silent. Voice too gone to make an actual sound, your body squeezes down on his cock firmly.

He grunts at the feeling, your cunt fluttering around his cock so blissfully he has to squeeze his eyes shut to stop himself from exploding.

It doesn't work, because in the next second you adjust your head to bite down on his shoulder- and the explosion goes off inside him any way.

He fills you right up, all the way to the brim- you can both feel it. The way his spend slips out of your pussy while he's still deep inside you. Billy knows it's the hardest he's ever cum in a while.

And it's all for you.

You both pant, your skin uncomfortably hot, but unwilling to detatch your body from his. His nose brushes yours, the shared breath between you is hot as well, sweltering and likely to become uncomfortable soon.

'I love you,' you say with your eyes, and he smiles, kissing the tip of your nose in a gesture that lets you know that he loves you too.

Finally, he slips out of you, and you get your first breath of Billy-less air, and you sigh when you feel his come begin to dribble out.

You blink suddenly, realising that it's been a week since you took your last pill. You let out a shuddering breath, remembering that the last few days have just been you, being filled with his come over and over again.

"You okay?" He asks, noticing that you've been holding your breath for a little.

Your eyes flit to his concerned ones.

"Yeah...I'm okay." You answer quickly, pretending that you're not in a state of panic. Damn, when was your last period? What if you were-

"Want a bath?" He offers, and you turn to look at him. He links your fingers into his large ones, pulling them to his face to kiss the tips.

Would it be so bad?

"Yes please," you say softly, "A bath would be amazing."

He's careful. Like he always is, gentle to your body after thoroughly sating it. You lean against him, head tilted back on his chest, half asleep in the warm bath. The water makes gentle swiping sounds as he moves, raising his hand to gently trickle warm water over your neck and collabones.

"Billy," you whisper, the thoughts in your head going too wild for you to keep it in, he hums in question.

"We've never spoken about it... but... do you ever want kids?"

He pauses for a long moment. You squeeze your eyes shut, the silence is honey thick and you struggle to breathe while waiting for the answer.

"I've... never thought I could have something like that." He lets out a little laugh, "Hell, I'm probably the last person on earth that deserves that kind of life, and I definitely shouldn't be in charge of a kid, with a head as fucked as mine."

You listen intently, relating to his fears as best as possible.

"I'm not gonna tell you what you are, and what you aren't." You say, turning your head to speak against his neck, "But I know you're a fast learner, and if you wanted something, I don't see why you wouldn't be able to learn." You smile, kissing his neck, "As for deserving, there are worse people out there with families of their own. Don't judge yourself too harshly."

He makes a low hum, one that implies that he doesn't believe you, but he's not dismissing your words either.

"What about you? Do you want kids?" He asks, lips brushing your temple.

Another long moment as you think about your answer.

"It's....scary... not a simple yes or no, I'm terrified of both- having and not having." You reach to link your fingers into his, he squeezes tightly for a moment, "But it's just a little less scary with you."

The corner of his lip rises.

"I can confess one thing though," he murmurs lightly, dropping his hands to grip your hips, you gasp as his fingers press into your sore spots,

"The idea of getting you pregnant, makes me so fucking happy, I just want to fill you up all day long."

You laugh.

"You're insatiable." You comment, with a shake of your head.

"You have me this way, baby." He replies easily.

When you're almost asleep, face pressed into his chest, legs tangled together, he repeats the plan to you.

He's not going to be here when you wake, getting an early start on gathering the money he needs and assessing the meeting point for possible traps. There's a security team monitoring the hotel, so you'll be safe as long as you don't leave unnecessarily. Later tomorrow evening, he'll meet Fisk, and hand off the remaining money and he'll be back before you know it.

He kisses the top of your head and in your sleepy state, you hum something that sounds very similar to 'I love you.'

It makes Billy's heart skip a beat.

~

When you wake at around midday, he's gone as expected.

You stay in the hotel room all day, watching TV and catching up on random news, finding out what you'd missed in the little time you'd been gone.

Around six in the evening, the phone in the room rings, and you click the TV off before reaching for the receiver.

"Hello?" You answer, your heart pounding, unsure of who it might me.

It's the receptionist at the front desk who greets you on the other end.

"There's a Mr. Meachum here, requesting to speak with you." She says casually, as if you don't go rigid.

"Which Meachum?" You ask cautiously.

Ward, she tells you. Ward has found you and is waiting downstairs to speak to you.

Your heart hurts a little, remembering that the last time you were supposed to see him, you left him at the altar instead.

"Can you tell him to wait for me in the restaurant? I'll be down in ten."

She relays the message to him and confirms his acceptance to you.

You hang up, your stomach twisting into knots, the anxiety of facing him again is so strong, the worry of how you've hurt him is visceral, it makes you want to hide.

But you knew you had to face him, you knew that you had to go down there and look him in the eye and apologise for the embarrassment you caused him.

So you stand from the bed, determined to make it up to him in some way.

The elevator opens up to the restaurant on the top floor, a beautiful modern design with large windows to see the sun setting on the city.

Your heart pounds, smiling at the waitress and giving her your information.

You spot Ward, sitting alone at a table for two, sipping on a drink.

He stands when he sees you approaching.

He takes you into a hug when you get close enough, and you allow it, though it's not your favourite feeling.

"I'm so glad to see you're okay." He says, as his arms tighten around you, and you smile.

"I'm glad you're okay too."

You smile at him when you pull away.

"I hope it's alright that I ordered a drink for you," he says, pointing at the fruity drink on your side of the table.

You not at him in appreciation, sliding into your seat, and taking a small sip of the concoction. It's something slightly sour, and you appreciate the flavours.

He takes his seat as well.

There's a moment of silence.

"When you didn't-"

"I'm so sorry that I-"

A pause, filled with shared smiles.

He nods his head, silently indicating for you to speak first.

"I really meant to show up. It- It wasn't my intention to leave you there. I'm sorry if I hurt you in anyway, or made you look... bad, but, in the end, marrying you- it- well- I-" You give him a sad smile, trying to find the words, "I realised it wasn't something that I wanted. I'm sorry for that."

His face is stoic, all harsh lines and even breaths. He nods, sweeping a hand through his hair.

"When you didn't show up at the church, I knew something went wrong. But I was hoping, that it was just jitters, I waited there for hours. And then I found out that you'd disappeared. I spent the last week combing the world for you, hoping you didn't leave me there without a word."

You take another long sip of your drink before speaking.

"I- well- Billy paid my debt and got me out. But it's a good thing too, because- Harold- he tried to have my parents killed."

"That's not true." Ward immediately says, and you look up into his eyes.

You can see it now, something around the edges, something about his appearance is... off. He isn't as put together as he'd like to seem, and you feel like he's a spool about to be unravelled.

Too bad you didn't owe him a single thing.

"I trust Billy with my life." You say firmly, "He told me that Harold tried to kill my parents. They would have died if Billy hadn't gotten them out."

He grips the edges of the table, leaning closer.

"And you believe him? My father was about to pay off your family's entire debt- and you believe some low-level scum like Billy Russo?"

"Ward." You say his name in warning, letting him know you don't appreciate his words or his tone.

He blinks, catching himself, realising that his words have rubbed you the wrong way.

"I'm sorry," he breathes, "But, Russo has always had his own interests first. He lied to you, he told you he paid off the debt, and he didn't, he told you that my father tried to harm your family, and that was a lie too."

You bite down on the corner of your lip, deep in thought.

"What does he have to gain from lying?" You ask Ward quietly, afraid of the answer. You lean back, taking another casual sip as if his words will have no effect on you.

"You might not realise it, but your family name has a lot of weight. Even though it's been dragged through the mud in the last couple of years, a combination of our families opens a lot of doors."

You swallow.

"A combination of our families? By that, you mean that fancy clause in our contract to have me pregnant within the year?"

He blinks, "Y/N-"

"-No." You say, "No, I'm sorry Ward, but I think I've heard enough." Your drink hits the table with a quiet sound, "Billy might not be honest with me, but at least I know he wants me for me, and not for whoever's last name I'm carrying." You stand from your seat and he stands too.

"I'm sorry, please, wait." He says, taking a step, reaching for you slowly, but you dodge his hold, walking away from him with a muttered 'Goodbye.'

He doesn't follow.

The emotions are a mess in your head and it sticks in your throat, there's a permanent frown on your face as tears spring to your eyes.

You don't understand why, though. You wish someone would take your brain out, map it, and show you exactly why you felt like crying your eyes out.

Maybe they'd circle a spot, "This is where your trust issues come from," point to another spot while saying, "Your low self worth comes from your body image issues, only reinforced by the fact that your family almost sold you to make babies and look pretty for the rest of your life."

You press your face into your hands, letting out a muffled sob.

You no longer knew what to believe, who to trust but at least you were sure of one thing.

Regardless of his motives, regardless of any lie he's told you, Billy loved you. And he would go to the ends of the earth to keep you safe.

You couldn't wait for him to come back to you, so that maybe you could forgive him for the lies he's told, and admonish him for the lies he would tell in the future.

You smile, shaking your head. No, you couldn't settle for being lied to, no matter how strongly you felt for him.

You begin to feel a little sleepy as the elevator doors open, yawning as you begin to make your way to your room. Your vision swims for a second and you frown, wondering why you feel so tired all of a sudden.

Were you drugged?

You sway, the panic setting in, and your first priority is making it back to your room.

You're at your door when someone calls your name. You look up in surprise, hoping that it's Billy- but it's not- it's Ward, making purposeful strides toward you.

"Ward?" You say confused, squinting at him as your body sags against the door.

He grips your shoulders forcefully, and you try to push at him.

"I think I've been drugged." You murmur, looking into his face, pleading for his help.

"You have." He says ominously and you whimper, realising that it's been him all along.

"Why?" You ask, your knees buckling as your body is forced to relax against your will. You feel so sleepy, you fight to keep your eyes open, pushing at him. Why won't he budge? Your fingers reach up to claw at his cheeks but your hands won't cooperate.

"Why?" He says, and you think he finally shows you his unravelling.

"Because I was promised a wife. And I will have one."

It's the last thing you hear before your vision goes dark.

~

His footsteps echo in the church as he steps in. There are candelabras scattered around the area, he counts them as he counts the pews. He also counts the number of people that are sitting with their heads bowed, praying, and the number of exits.

He sees the back of the marine's head, walking with purposeful steps to him. The marine doesn't look up, doesn't acknowledge his presence, doesn't move as he slides into the seat beside him.

He's sure that the marine has counted the same things he has, made a similar assessment of the safety of the surroundings, maybe even knows the approximate number of steps it would take to get to the back exit if the situation requires it.

"Mister Fisk appreciates your cooperation, and sends his regards for not being here in person." He says.

Billy Russo turns to give him a blank stare.

"I suppose everything can't go the way I want," he says.

James Wesley smiles.

"I suppose not." He responds.

~

You wake with a groan, your head is swimming, packed with cotton, preventing you from forming a thought.

Where? What? How?

You can't find any answers.

Another deep breath and you open your eyes a little.

Your vision is blurry at first, but you recognise the surroundings of a hotel room, just not your hotel room.

You're lying on the bed, pressed against someone who is petting your hair softly.

You sit up suddenly in shock, swaying as you turn to look at the person. Something else draws your attention at the same time, and you look down to find that your hands have been cuffed together. You tug at them experimentally.

"Just in time," Ward says, sitting up, and you squint at him, trying to figure out exactly where everything went south.

"You drugged me." You say to him accusingly.

"Yes. I did." He acknowledges, sitting up easily.

He's changed into something different, a dark tuxedo with a black bow tie around his neck.

"Do you like it?" He asks, looking down at the suit, "It's the exact same one I was wearing the first time. I tried to get you the same dress, but I got something that was easier for you to get into by yourself.

He stands, and you just look at him, eyes following his movements as he grabs a garment bag lying over the small couch. He unzips the bag, tugging a wedding dress free.

You can't focus on any of the details of the dress- not the beading or the neckline, in your hazy state  none of it makes sense to you.

"Put it on." Ward says.

"No." You answer.

"I'm not asking." He tosses the dress beside you on the bed.

"I'm still not putting that on." You struggle to say something witty with such a cloudy head.

He takes a step forward, and you scramble back, slipping off the bed and backing away from him on shaky feet. When you try to get to the door, he intercepts your move- pressing you back against the wall.

"I don't have time for this." He says angrily and you seethe along with him.

"Fuck you." You spit at him.

The slap is sudden. You barely register the sound of it, your head is turned to the side, as your cheek screams in pain.

Did he really just hit you?

"I can't believe I ever defended you." You whisper, unable to meet his eyes.

"Karen once suggested you might hurt me, and I told her you weren't like that."

You raise your hand to touch your stinging cheek, it's tender and hot to the touch.

"You'd be mad too, if you were left at the altar to be laughed at by the entire city."

You swallow, looking up at him, fully awake now with the pain and adrenaline coursing through your system.

"You're delusional." You whisper with conviction.

"And you're not getting it. If you don't put that dress on, then I have no use for you." He leans forward, getting into your space and you grimace with disgust at the feel of his body pressed to yours.

"Do you know what I do with useless things, Y/N? I throw them away."

You wish for his death when your eyes meet his next. He smiles, raising a hand to cup your face, his fingers pressing painfully into the spot where he hit you. You don't make a sound, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of your pain.

"Get dressed." He says, stepping away from you finally.

~

James Wesley is appraising the contents of the briefcase for authenticity when the church doors open, and several footsteps can be heard.

Billy doesn't look back, he'd anticipated a move like this. And honestly, it might be exactly what he needs to get his plan back into action.

Harold Meachum steps into his peripherals. James closes the briefcase, looking up at said man, knowing James, there's only vague curiosity painted on his features.

"Sorry to interrupt your business, boys, but I have business of my own I'd like to take care of."

Billy is just, downright tired of looking at Harold's face, bored with this man's entire endeavour into making himself more powerful when he can hardly manage the power he currently holds.

"James, would you please call Mr. Fisk and tell him that is audience is requested?"

James doesn't hesitate.

"My apologies, Harold, but Mr. Fisk does not deal-" he pauses his sentence when Harold draws a gun, pointing it at James' head.

There's a moment of tense silence.

"Very well." Wesley says, pulling his cellphone out of his pocket.

Billy listens to half of the conversation, unable to hear any of Fisk's responses. James lets him know that an urgent matter has arisen that requires his presence, and that Harold Meachum will not accept no for an answer.

When James ends the call, he informs that Wilson will be here within the hour.

"Excellent!" Harold says, reaching to take the briefcase seated on James' lap, "That's just enough time to have a wedding in the meantime."

Billy's stomach drops.

It drops even lower when he sees the younger Meachum, Ward, step up to the altar.

"Now, if either of you move from here, the man sitting behind you is going to shoot you in the head."

Billy turns to look at the man. One of Meachum's bodyguards sitting in the pew behind, he's large, maybe even larger than Frank, which means he's probably slower. A mistake on Harold's part to have this man guard him. The other five or six people that were here before are being shuffled into the other room.

He watches a priest, step up slowly to the altar, he raises his hands, and then the doors at the back open with a slow groan.

Billy almost doesn't want to look. He knows what he's going to see. It fills him with murderous rage. He watches Ward's smug face instead, a man that looks like he's already won, as an unwilling bride walks down the aisle toward him.

He knows when he sees you there, the shock, and rage and fear of it all with sear like lightning down his skin.

Billy waits until the very last moment to turn and look at you.

He can't see much of your face, covered by the thick veil, but he can see the tremble of your hands as you hold the bouquet and Billy decides, that he's going to wipe the Meachum line off the face of the earth.

.

.

.

A/N: Heeyyyyyy guyssssssss, how are we doing?

Light in the abyss

pairing: aleksander morozova x starsummoner! reader

A princess first. An assassin second. A grisha last.

series mood board:

star summoner moodboard.

Grishas. Heretics. Monsters. They were interchangeable. And this very ideology; hatred sewn into the Shus' and Fjerdans will be carried on by their heirs. Your curse, your burden, you'd do anything to be rid of it. To be rid of having to adhere to the rancid babbling of your royal advisor. To be rid of the crimson shade that taints your court.

The cursed light. The Fjerdan princess. The star summoner.

How could they all be the same person? In the final ebb of your shameful path to Queenship, you must complete one last task.

Kill the Darkling.

Masterlist:

Prologue (Him and Her)

Part 1 (In the Shadows)

Part 2 (Strawberries & Schemes)

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

more parts coming soon <33

warnings: violence, angst?, aleksander morozova

this is not canon complicit.

taglist: @hummelmi @fandomfangirl4ever @thefirelordm

i for one think that editors/gifmakers should get free 1080p+ versions of media directly from the source without fear of copyright conseuqences bc we do free labor to advertise and keep buzz around shows. do you know how many times i’ve seen tags that are like oh maybe i’ll watch bc of this on my gifs or times i’ve watched something that was not on my radar at all, that i didn’t even know about, because of a gifset? the amount of times a fanvideo has convinced me or my friends to watch something? or to consider an aspect of the show i didn’t before and reignite interest in it and thus continue to talk about it?

This right here is facts. Say it louder for the people in the back.

I swear, after Alina left LP she was giving me headaches(well, more like LB did). All Darkling's bad and evil characteristics/deeds were conjured from thin air. No witnesses, no proof. Her stay at LP and people reacting to him tells us otherwise. Not even Baghra painted him like that. Why are assumptions presented as facts. Why does the author thinks that's enough? And why do I feel like I'm being gaslighted??

You’re preaching to the choir, Anon. 🙌 I truly do not know. And it really does pain me, because with a few small changes all of these things could have been resolved easily.

(This got long)

There are various times throughout the book when LB writes one thing, Alina says another thing happened, and then chapters later Alina says yet another thing happened. It’s like a slow creeping game of telephone that’s gets more and more different with each recitation.

It made me feel like I was remembering things wrong, I’d go back and realize, Alina was wrong, but it’s not treated like a statement from an unreliable narrator. It’s not addressed or broken down or used later for some form of catharsis. There’s never any pushback from the narrative.

Things that would have improved the story (with little effort):

Have Alina notice things are out of place at the LP, have her develop her sleuthing skills, just enough that she discovers things to later put together. This would support Baghra’s claims.

Have her find her letters in Genya’s room.

More scenes with the Apparat (because that feels like a dropped political plot line)

Another scene with the king where he tries to sway her away from Grisha/the Darkling.

Scenes with other Grisha outside of Marie and Nadia- the only Grisha Alina ever interacts with other than Genya. She needs to talk with them, see the lives they’ve lived, the things they’ve endured, the horrible things they’ve escaped from. Have her talk to the children, maybe ones from Kerch or Fjerda.

Alina needs to see the impact of the war on Grisha- have her see Grisha recovering from captivity in Shu Han in the infirmary. Just glimpses whole her ribs are healing. Enough for her to imagine another life and another fate she might have endured.

Issues with Catharsis (the plot twist sucks):

She already doesn’t trust the Darkling which lessens the effectiveness of the reveal. LB telegraphed the Darkling reveal from Day 1, so when the hot guy all in black called the Darkling ends up being the bad guy… gasp? I mean fucking duh.

So, when Alina’s all “you betrayed me!” I’m over here like… this was entirely expected and I don’t know why you’re so surprised.

Alina is never convinced, she never buys into it, and without that investment, the reader can’t invest either.

Baghra’s claims… are just ridiculous. And the only way they make sense is if you know the ending beforehand. That is bad writing. There’s no clues littered along the way, no evidence of some master plan of manipulation on the Darkling’s part. Alina just believes Baghra based on zero evidence.

In Alina’s position, who are you going to believe: the man who’s supported you every step of the way, saved your life, and you have a budding romance with?

Or, the woman who hits you all the time, never calls you by your name, insults you, drugs you, and never gives an ounce of encouragement or approval at any of your accomplishments? Who’s now screaming that the Darkling is going to lay waste to the world and have volcra eat everyone.

LB is nuts if she thinks I’m going to believe Baghra in this scenario.

It’s presented as a zero sum game: spend a short life running, or live as a slave.

But it’s a false dichotomy. These are not Alina’s only choices.

The solution is simple: Alina needs more information. She should have stayed at the Little Palace to gather evidence. Jump into a cat and mouse game that could have been absolutely hair raising with suspense.

If she had made her own choices, taken her agency and her position of power, the story would have been much more interesting. But instead, she allows everyone else to make choices for her.

And LB only encourages that, and punishes Alina when she does claw her way into some agency. You’re right, Anon, at a certain point it feels like she’s gaslighting the reader. Making me question my own reading of the story, and carrying on with this altered version of events that never happened.

the issue is that i truly love lying around doing nothing

can you please talk about the 'make me your villain' line?

Well I don’t know what exactly you want me to talk about in regards to it, so I’ll just share some of the Thoughts I have on the line and it’s context! I’m incredibly fond of the way the scene is portrayed in the show and how it differs from the one in the books, so I’ll be delving into that a bit as I go along.

(There are some gifs of the scene below, so tw body horror for Alina’s antlers and mild mentions of abuse. Also sorry in advance to Nonny for talking about the whole scene instead of just the line.)

I think the best thing about this scene in particular is how much it reveals about the characters and their relationship dynamics, especially when considering the acting choices that went into both Aleksander and Alina.

In the show, Alina is sharp and angry - confrontational - whereas in the books, she’s a lot more passive. In both the books and the show, Aleksander defends himself to Alina. He wants her to understand him. He wants her to remain by his side. But the way it plays out and his reasons for doing so are wildly different between the medias.

In the books, it’s Alina that’s brought to the Darkling’s tent. He’s already sitting down and tells Alina to do so as well. She complies warily but remains silent, and in fact doesn’t speak at all until he finally orders her to. Yet still, she refuses to talk about anything important. It’s the Darkling that brings up Mal and it’s Mal the discussion revolves around for the vast majority of the conversation. The Darkling is in control the entire time, relaxed and calm, drinking kvas as he runs Alina in circles and threatens the other man. Almost the entirety of their conversation is made up of Alina scrambling to regain control, both in regards to Mal and herself. She’s the one pleading and begging and trying to gain any foothold she can. Alina doesn’t even challenge the Darkling or push him to defend himself until the conversation turns to that of it’s own accord.

Then when the conversation does turn from Mal to how the Darkling betrayed her, their disagreement becomes a very brief back and forth. The Darkling gets exasperated and frustrated and angry with Alina for not understanding. The conversation barely focuses on their romantic relationship and instead on his plans, on Ravka’s future, on how her power is useful, on his own “greed for power” and his intention to rule. There’s hardly any mention of his goal to free the Grisha. Throughout the conversation, the Darkling’s façade cracks but he remains largely dismissive and condescending, cruel and calculating, uncaring and unremorseful. The parts of the conversation that do focus on their relationship that Alina brings up don’t do so for long, and are turned back on her as an argument.

Compare that to the Darkling in the show coming to Alina in her lavish tent and immediately praising her. They’re both standing, and Alina has no qualms about not only talking immediately but also making demands, a big contrast to how the Alina in the books wanted to “remain diplomatic”. In the show, it’s Alina that brings up Mal, only to have him immediately dismissed as a subject when the conversation instead centers entirely around how betrayed Alina feels.

It’s Alina that sits first before the Darkling and then stands first. It’s the Darkling that sits while Alina stands, him that pleads with her to understand why he did what he did. It’s Alina that holds the power as the Darkling scrambles. It’s her that challenges him without prompting and demands explanations and truths and reasons. Her that turns the conversation back on him.

The issues brought up in the conversation are different as well. The Darkling has a whole passionate speech about how the Grisha are persecuted and how he did it to save them. He gets frustrated with Alina for not understanding but instead of being dismissive or angry he gets upset and even more erratic, clearly desperate for her to remain by his side. The conversation focuses more on Alina and Grisha suffering and their relationship instead of his “greed for power”. It focuses on how he did it “for us” instead of for Ravka. How he did it “to help us” and he mentions “you and me” and doing things “together”. The entire scene centers around their relationship and the balance between them, the hurt and betrayal and desperation and his need for them to stay together and understand each other. Even if those emotions are sometimes used as a means of manipulation, that doesn’t make them any less genuine. The Darkling is very open and emotional and vulnerable in this scene. And he’s making himself vulnerable to Alina.

It’s two entirely separate power dynamics. And with such different characterizations and relationships, the meanings of the scenes change.

Now, I really love the way the show portrays the line so I’ll talk a bit more about that for a bit. First, some context.

Here’s Aleksander defending himself:

He’s revealing a lot to Alina with this line. Telling her how the fold was unintentional, how it’s affected him. He’s speaking angrily and passionately, he’s expressing himself a lot here, clearly worked up and desperate for her to understand.

The pain he feels at the use of the Fold by his oppressors is genuine and understandable. He created the Fold to protect his people when they were persecuted. He intended to make an army to save his people and instead by mistake made the Fold. It was an act of desperation because of the Otkazat’sya hunting and persecuting his kind. It was created because of centuries of oppression and generational trauma. The fact that West Ravka has been making a habit of giving Grisha to the Druskelle because the Fold gives them no oversight and the fact that the king of Ravka uses the Fold to exploit thousands must be genuinely upsetting to him. And he’s admitting that to Alina. Not only that, but he’s telling her honestly that he hadn’t intended for it to become what it did.

Most importantly, however, him defending himself here so openly and emotionally is a sign of how much he wants her get it - how much he wants her to take his side. People don’t defend their actions to someone this much and this passionately unless both the reasoning behind the actions and the person they’re addressing are important to them.

Next, we have Aleksander entreating Alina and pleading with her:

He’s asking her to rely on him, to take his hand, to trust him, to understand him, to stay by his side. Most importantly, he’s asking her to be his other half. He’s asking her to accept him. He’s pulling her closer, meeting her eyes, grasping her hands, touching her. The way he leans down when he speaks, the earnest curl of his shoulders, how he honestly believes that the only way they can do this is together and how more than that he wants it to be so.

This is a request. I’d say it was begging but then I’d probably get shadow sliced in my sleep.

Again, he’s appealing to her. He’s making no move to hide what he’s feeling or step back, instead coming in closer and making himself vulnerable. Communicating his emotions in the hopes that they’ll help change her mind. He wants her to stay, and not only to stay but to do so willingly and in full (or more likely at least partial - just enough) acceptance of him.

The way he looks at her in the first gif is him realizing he needs to make more of an emotional appeal. That he needs to commit to this - to finish the full admission and put himself out there as much as he’s asking her to do. It isn’t just her needing him, it’s him needing her.

This part is definitely begging man idk what to tell you.

Now next is the rejection and realization:

Alina pulls away first. She distances herself and shakes her head and protects her chest. She removes his hand from her body. She rejects him.

In turn, Aleksander adds a degree of separation between them as a means of self defense. Right now he’s calculating and dealing with the rejection. He’s hurt and protecting himself, as Alina is doing. Most importantly (to me at least) is that he doesn’t pursue her. He backs away when she backs away, likely because he’s upset, but also I think for a few other reasons that I’ll get into in a moment.

This is the hurt and rejection and heartbreak turning into realization and acceptance. It’s about to be resolve.

Then he says the line:

and then he does this:

First of all, it’s so good!! I love this line so much I would literally die for it. Anon if this was in reality what you wanted me to talk about, here it is: I think Ben Barnes is a spectacular actor and I think he’s taken Aleksander to a whole nother level and I think this line is a masterpiece of acting. His micro-expressions are on point and he’s captured the essence of Aleksander’s character in the show so well and the dramatic way he says it is award worthy. The nose scrunch is adorable of course, and the look he gets in the last gif is *chef’s kiss* beautiful. I absolutely adore the emotions conveyed here. He’s emotional and bitter and angry, but most importantly he’s resolved.

And that’s what I love. The last six gifs, from the moment he’s rejected and he realizes there’s no redemption, are representative of the way he commits and self destructs - the way he feels as if there’s no other option and decides this is the only road he can go down.

With the fold, he didn’t intend to make it, but he now sees it as useful, even if he occasionally regrets it. This is the same thing. He regrets it, but what is done is done. He doesn’t see a way to redeem himself and so accepts the circumstances and acts on them. It’s very much a “this might as well happen now” mentality paired with an opportunistic mindset. Why not use the fold now that he’s created it? Regret or not, intentional or not. Why not keep going downhill with his plans now that Alina has shown him he can’t come back from it? Even if he regrets losing her, even if he wants to change things.

Aleksander has been doing what he’s doing for a long time. Change is hard. But it’s especially hard when you’ve done the same thing for centuries. He’s on a path and he’s going to go down it until he dies. That’s what he thinks needs to happen because he sees no other way. No other way has ever been presented to him. And when so many of one’s habits and ways of living have been born of trauma, they become even harder to shake. And idk, I just think that’s a neat part of his character. I think it’s interesting. And I think it might have potential if the writers do him justice.

Also, the “make me your villain" line here is so achingly emotional, it’s the literal exact opposite of how it happens in the books, which is straight up dismissive.

Here’s an excerpt:

He slumped back in his chair. “Fine,” he said with a weary shrug. “Make me your villain.”

Which is very book!Darkling tbh. It’s also in the middle of the scene. He doesn’t leave afterwards. It isn’t the fall of the axe, it’s his resignation to Alina’s stubborn ignorance. It’s him leaving an argument in a very “agree to disagree” manner. He’s exasperated by Alina’s behavior, not agonized over it. In the show, the line is dropped before he leaves. It’s the break of an emotional buildup, the last line of pained resignation for something he cares deeply about but can’t hope to win. It’s his response to rejection and pain.

The two scenes really couldn’t be more different, but I adore them both tbh.

Anyways, that’s just a few thoughts on the scene. Here are another few highlights though:

Alina in the books is very passive and trying not to goad him in this scene. She calls it “being diplomatic”. It's so different from how show Alina treats the situation that I could die.

His response to “you lied to me” in the books is completely different from the one in the show. “Don’t pretend this is about Ravka’s welfare. You lied to me. You’ve been lying to me since the moment I met you.” His long fingers tightened around the glass. “Did you deserve my trust?” he asked, and for once, his voice was less than steady and cold. “Baghra whispers a few accusations in your ear, and off you go. Did you ever stop to think of what it would mean for me, for all of Ravka, if you just disappeared?” Strangely enough, for how emotional he is in the show, he actually gets more emotional about it in the books. That could be for a number of reasons, but the scenes played out so differently I thought it was worth mentioning. Plus I love both responses so much.

The below line is interesting I think in that it lightly parallels the scene in the show when the collar’s getting put on her. it’s the only time in the show aside from micro-expressions where we actually get to explore how much Alina not wanting her powers hurt him. “That isn’t fair.” “Fairness!” he laughed. “Still she talks of fairness. What does fairness have to do with any of this? The people curse my name and pray for you, but you’re the one who was ready to abandon them.” Of course, the abandonment is referencing a few things about Alina and not just a single quote she made a while ago, but since the show is so much faster than the books, those two quotes are the only things that much up. Alina in the show says she doesn’t want her powers and then he mentions it about four episodes later when he’s taking those powers from her.

“Baghra whispers a few accusations in your ear, and off you go. Did you ever stop to think of what it would mean for me, for all of Ravka, if you just disappeared?” - Kinda reminds me of the “you matter - to eVeRyOnE” scene in the show ngl.

Someone get show Aleksander some kvas, how come book Aleksander is the one that gets all the nice things?

Poor Alina, she looks so hurt I just want to give her a hug. Although I think it’s interesting how they’ve changed the antlers in the show. I think lore-wise it’s cooler and actually makes more sense, but since I also think the reason they did it probably didn’t have as much to do with lore as depicting Darklina as “horrifying” I’m not that into it.

When I first got into SaB I got spoiled for the Darkling’s character and read all this stuff about he was abusive and awful, so I went into the show expecting to hate him and hate Darklina. I watched about six episodes with that mindset but couldn’t really resist the pull of the ship, so when he first said the “make me your villain” line I was very conflicted. I read it as an abuser blaming his victim. It felt uncomfortable. Now, however, after watching the show so many times and reading the books, it’s easier for me to examine the intricacies of the scene in more detail and realize it isn’t like that at all. I think the emotional complexity of the line in the show vs the total brutality of it in the books is brilliant, and I love how much it conveys about his character in both aspects.

Still though every time I watch the scene now I picture the meme of that skit where the guy shoots someone and then goes “oh, why did [somebody else] do this?”

Alina’s reluctance to engage with the Darkling about his reasons and motivations in the books vs her desire to do so in the show is so incredibly compelling to me. The below book quote is Alina when she’s refusing to speak. It’s so viscerally different from how the scene plays out in the show, and of course I have tons of explanations and theories, but I don’t want to make this post a million miles long lol. It’s just a very honorable mention cause I love it. “I have nothing to say.” “I imagine you have a great deal to say.” “If I tell you to stop, you won’t stop. If I tell you you’re mad, you won’t believe me. Why should I bother?”

“I’ve had enough of your lies.” “And what lies are those?” - Alina, pulling out a fifty mile long scroll of grievances: Well, for starters-

Aleksander’s look of confusion in the show during half of this scene makes me simultaneously want to hug him and slap him and laugh in his face.

“You spun all this guilt around your burden, the sins of your father. There was no father” - Idk why this cracks me up so much but I DIE every time I hear it. “there was no father” lakjsdlfkjas yeah there sure wasn’t.

I love how she asks him about his plans to usurp the throne in the show and he just goes dead silent like a kid about to get scolded if he reveals the truth. In the books he has no problems just straight up admitting to it without hesitation lmfao.

Parallels but not really (show then books) : “I could have made the Grisha safe but you never gave me a choice." “Perhaps” “Baghra whispers a few accusations in your ear, and off you go. Did you ever stop to think of what it would mean for me, for all of Ravka, if you just disappeared?” “You didn’t give me much choice.” “Of course you had a choice. And you chose to turn your back on your country, on everything that you are.” Last line on the above quote is also a parallel to the one he says in the skiff scene in the show, right before he gets tracker tackled into the fold like a little bitch.

Kinda weird that book Alina just assumes he’ll be a tyrant of a ruler when up until now he’s been a very reasonable and actually highly competent one.

“He reached out and touched Morozova’s collar, letting his long fingers spread over the rough bone, then slide up my neck to cradle my face with one hand. I felt a jolt of revulsion, but I also felt the sure, intoxicating force of him. I hated that it still had an effect on me.” Again, in the show it’s Alina that grabs his hand and puts it on her chest. In the show, he initiates hand holding contact, and she’s the one that brings his hand to her chest to feel the collar. Is this because show Aleksander is more horrified by what he’s done? Book Aleksander doesn’t seem to care and in fact seems to like it, so I suppose he’d touch it willingly. I don’t think show Aleksander wants to touch it or look at it, I think what he did to her disturbs him. So is her bringing his hand up to her collar a way of saying “face what you’ve done? This is why I can’t forgive you?”

The way he admits in the show that “I never intended for it to be the blight it’s become” is so strange to me because it’s very soft amidst all of the other extreme emotions. First he’s extremely cold and then he’s extremely hot, but this line is just... soft and honest. It feels like the most real line in the entire scene. I think it might actually be true regret.

“Fine. Make me your villain,” is one of Aleksander’s least manipulative lines idk why people seem to think it’s him being so villainous. It’s the epitome of “there’s nothing more I can do here. bye.”

The difference between priorities in the show and the book really is so fascinating though. Him mentioning that he’s doing this for them in the show while in the books he admits clearly to doing it for Ravka is so wild. The scene in the show really does have a lot more romantic overtones.

I think it's notable that book Aleksander wants her to understand him and fill his loneliness just as much as show Aleksander, but in the books he values the means and circumstances of her cooperation a lot differently than show Aleksander does. Book Aleksander doesn't really care that she's upset with him - not to a great extent, at least. Whereas show Aleksander cares very much.

Save Your Tears | The Darkling x Reader

Hum, hi :') It's been a while... I'm sorry !! I've been so demotivated on writing and just couldn't get my mind on Tumblr. So, before you can read what I finished after years, just know that I won't be publishing first on Tumblr if I write anything, I'll prioritize Ao3 for further OS and eventual series (I'm working on one rn). So now you know !! Now enjoy :))

Pairing : The Darkling x Reader

Warnings : Angst, mention of breaking up, Aleksander is a coward

Summary : He sees you at the ball after breaking your heart, but he can’t handle seeing your tears dropping down your face.

This is a song fic based on Save Your Tears by The Weeknd.

Words : 2k

This was another ball at the Little Palace. Even though he did not want to waste his precious time on a foolish event like this one, he had to attend, to show to his people that everything was okay. Sighing, Aleksander put on the black kefta he usually used for events like these. It framed him perfectly, knowing that black was only his to wear. The embroidery on it was sophisticated, as always. He observed his reflection in the mirror, firstly satisfied with the aura he gave off. But when he looked at his face, it hit him, he was exhausted. The man had barely slept for the past few weeks. All the previous events had broken him little by little, and it was his fault. 

Sighing once again, he called Genya with a very strict tone. She arrived quickly after that, he asked her to fix his face, not wanting to look dreadful. Knowing that she would ask him to sit on a chair, he did already so he would not be hearing her soft voice, as he felt like it would overwhelm him too much. He let Genya arrange his features, making him look less tired, cheeks less deep, and his skin a bit more colored. When she finished, she let out a small "It's done General." He thanked her quietly before standing up and told her to enjoy the evening, then left the room.

The corridors were much brighter than Aleksander's liking, he usually liked more settled lighting. Walking through the Little Palace, directing himself to the reception room, he started to feel anxious. Yes, the great General, a Shadow Summoner, anxious. Because his mind drifted off, and he started thinking of you. He knew you were going to be there, you had no choice after all, this reception was so important for everyone. He anticipated this night so much, after all he did to you, after breaking your heart. He was such a fool, how dare he, making you feel worthless when you were his everything.

He got closer to the room, stopping himself right before the entrance. A few people greeted him, wishing him a good night. He sent back the same wishes too, politely. He took a big breath, quite discreetly, before entering the room. A few looks turned to him, but he did not take note of them. He looked through the whole room, then his gaze stopped. You were here.

I saw you dancing in a crowded room

You were here. And you were dancing with one of the guests. His hands and jaw clenched. Seeing you with someone else, felt like a dagger through his heart. You were so graceful, your hair was embellishing your features. Your eyes were so full of life while you were dancing, your lips looked so soft, the outfit you chose fitted you perfectly. But oh, how he wished you wore black. Just to show everyone that you were his.

You look so happy when I'm not with you

He could not lift his gaze off of you for one second. Luckily for him, anyone barely spoke to him, they were just enjoying the soirée. He took a glass of the nearest alcohol he could find and drank half of it. He needed to feel more relaxed to be able to go through this night, really. You were still dancing so beautifully in the center of the room, before the music stopped. You bowed before your dance partner, while they kissed politely the back of your hand. This was when you spotted him. 

But then you saw me, caught you by surprise

Both of your eyes met each other. It felt completely ethereal, it was as if you were meant to be in each other's arms. This moment felt like time completely stopped, like everyone in the room disappeared. Looking into your eyes, Aleksander felt his heart drop, he had not seen you for so long. He missed you, he missed drawing his hand on your cheek, he missed being close to you. Losing himself to the thoughts of you and him, he got startled when he noticed that you were crying.

A single teardrop falling from your eye

One teardrop, he didn’t know why it startled him so much, seeing you cry was the worst thing he ever saw. Seeing you cry because of him, made the man feel so guilty. Something had gotten stuck into his throat, maybe guilt, regret, love, he didn’t know. He cleared his throat while watching you cry more freely. Your dance partner was obviously worried about you, and they asked how you were feeling. They offered you their handkerchief to dry your tears, and you did use it, muttering a small thanks.

I don't know why I run away

I'll make you cry when I run away

The fact is, he was a coward. Despite the both of you being so in love with each other, he wanted to run away. It’s been so long since he last loved someone, dared to let down his mask and shield with someone. But he hated it, he felt so vulnerable, so the more you saw each other, the more he was conscious, thinking of leaving you to protect you, and him.

You could've asked me why I broke your heart

You were walking towards the General, after giving back the tissue your dance partner handed you. You tried to be as emotionless as possible after some of the guests and especially The Darkling had spotted you like that. You hated the fact that your heart was still calling him. After everything happened. You hated the fact that you still find him so handsome, that you still could fall asleep in his arms.

You could've told me that you fell apart

Despite being not able to read minds, Aleksander knew that you were fighting with dangerous thoughts in your head. But you were silent. You broke the eye contact that lasted for so long as if it was hours, while walking towards him. You took a glass of alcohol from one of the servants, smiled politely to thank them, and drank a lot of it. You were dangerously approaching him, and it made him tense up a bit.

But you walked past me like I wasn't there

And just pretended like you didn't care

You left the room, without a word. Without another look towards him. When he felt your presence leaving, he felt like falling apart. How could he get hurt so much just by having you leave like that ? He didn't know, but the overwhelming feeling of guilt has started to make him sick. He fought the urge to follow you, and try to talk to you, to apologize. But he knew, deep down in his heart, even though you loved him so much, you could not forgive him, ever.

I don't know why I run away

I'll make you cry when I run away

He was getting more and more distant everyday, thinking that you would not notice. But of course you were too smart for that, you let him know that he was worrying you. He told lies after lies to make you feel better, and to be honest, to make him feel better too. Alas, being far from you was killing him. Not being able to have you in his arms, to kiss the top of your head, your cheeks and his favorite spot, your lips, was strangling him day after day. He knew you cried a lot these times, and he regretted making you feel that way, he didn’t deserve you.

Take me back 'cause I wanna stay

He wished he could be back into your life. He wished to change everything he said to you that night. He wanted to be with you, to tell you how much he loved you. Oh, he wanted to stay with you so much. He wanted you to get him back. Instead of leaving, he wanted you to take his hand, look at him with your beautiful eyes and pull him back into your arms. But the only thing he could have from you were the tears you liberated when you saw him.

Save your tears for another

Save your tears for another day

Save your tears for another day

He hated seeing you cry. He hated the feeling that it gave him, the way you looked up at him, with your wet and sparkly eyes, he wished he could dry them up. He didn’t want you to let them roll down your cheeks because of him. He wished he could tell you to keep your tears.

So, I made you think that I would always stay

He was so scared of losing you, after many years of loneliness, finding you was a relief. The way you could make his heart and head spin just by smiling at him, the way you could make him stutter just by locking your eyes to his dark and weary gaze. He wanted to stay with you forever, and he told you so many times he would. But he lied, as much as he wanted to have you, he was terrified.

I said some things that I should never say

You looked at him in pure shock. The words that left his mouth ringing in your head made you shiver and shake.

“I hate you !” He said, looking down at his feet. He pressed his lips together before looking at you with tears in his eyes. You didn’t know that it was possible to see The Darkling crying, but today was the first and the last time you could see that. He took a step forward, approaching you with his powerful presence and body, while you got scared and got your back touching the wall.

Yeah, I broke your heart like someone did to mine

“I hate how you make me feel, I hate that you have so much power over me. I love you but I can not do this anymore. Everytime I look at you, I feel weak, when everyone thinks I'm the most powerful Grisha in this world. I feel that way because I’m constantly scared that someone is going to kill you, or take you away from me. So today I decided that I’ll be the one taking you away from me, I want you safe, but I can’t love you anymore if I want this.” 

Tears were rolling down in both of your eyes. You felt your heart shatter, how could he tell you that after all this time ? You clenched your fists, letting a heavy silence in the room, before slapping him with all of your strength. He expected you to scream at him, run away from him, but definitely not the slap. Even though he knew you were strong, the ache on his cheek was not as severe as the pain in his heart when he shared these cruel words. Not being able to say anything, he saw you leave the room hastily, without a word, he knew he couldn’t have you back, it was his biggest mistake.

And now you won't love me for a second time

He left the room, wanting to go back to his quarters, but he decided to go outside for a bit, before locking himself in his room. After leaving the tall walls of the Little Palace, he saw your shadow walking towards the near forest of the building. He imagined rushing towards you, yelling your name, trying to find the best excuses of the world to have you back, but he just couldn’t. He already broke your heart, he was sure that he would do it again if you accepted his apology. So he just looked at you going far away from him. His mask broke, tears were rolling down his pale cheeks, he closed his eyes and tried to dry them, in vain. He wished you could love him again.

I don't know why I run away, oh, girl

Said I'll make you cry when I run away

Girl, take me back 'cause I wanna stay

Save your tears for another

I realize that I'm much too late

And you deserve someone better

IM CRYING

Same thing

Palace of Stars and Shadows (Pt.3)

You woke back in the bedroom, unaware of how you’d gotten up the stairs after your fight with William. You’d only remembered falling asleep from sadness and exhaustion in a heap before the large fireplace, yet here you were, tucked in, warm sunlight pouring through the cracks in the curtains. All you could do was lay there fixated on the light flowing into the room, over your bed. Your bed. This was yours now, wasn’t it?

You’d tried to run like a fool, thinking over and over about William’s words, how dangerous it was to go it alone since he’d made it quite clear he wouldn’t follow or watch for your safety should you choose to leave. Was it even worth it? You’d thought maybe if you got home you could collect what little was left of your belongings and make a mad dash to another village. Start over, find a new home. But maybe this place where you now lay, maybe this was meant to be your new home.

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