I Know It's Usually Much More Eggman's Aesthetic, But Can You Imagine Cave Johnson-style Announcements

I know it's usually much more Eggman's aesthetic, but can you imagine Cave Johnson-style announcements at the GUN Headquarters?

"This is a preemptive caution to all agents: if Unit E-123 Omega decides to insult you, just grin and bear it. We get it, he's kind of an asshat, and nobody likes the way he talks about our insides. But don't even think about it. Do not, and I can't believe I have to spell it out for you all- do not pick a fight with the two-ton walking arsenal. We all know who's going to win that. And it's not going to be you. Help us keep our workplace recordable injuries down this year."

"Good morning agents! If you find that your wallet's gone, don't worry! Rouge is just borrowing it for a little while. You'll find it back in your locker in a few hours. No, we don't know where she puts them. Yes, we are obligated to reimburse you for the funds she does take. No, Dairy Queen coupons are not reimbursable. Not even the special edition ones from your little hometown franchise. Sucks to suck. Agents are advised to purchase wallets with chains, if necessary, just like the one I've got right- oh hell, where'd I- goddamnit- cut the broadcast!"

"Hello folks, this is your weekly reminder- if you think you see a Chaos Emerald sitting around, do not touch it. Check if it's the green one. If so, that one's Shadow's, and he's not too happy when the base gets sent on lockdown because he put it down for a second. He'll be right back. Leave it where it is. But if the Emerald's any other color, still don't touch it! Notify your superior and don't let it out of your sight until the containment boys arrive. Don't touch it. Last poor son of a bitch is still seeing the world through a cyan filter. Friendly reminder that our health insurance doesn't cover that. Good luck finding a doctor who will."

"Urgent warning here. If you see anything blue out of the corner of your eye- if you even think you see a little blur of it, pull the alarm so that the security boys know to rewind the footage. This is very important, folks- if it's Metal Sonic, we need to see what he stole. If it's Sonic, we need to check which door he put the can of paint above this time before the Commander walks through it. If it's something else, god help us all."