Old Cigarettes And Bitter Black Coffee A Taste Of Discontent On The Tip Of My Tongue Closing My Eyes

Between promises and lies I found myself lost in your labyrinth of words

I desired to learn so many things

Like trusting, instead of searching affection in your night sky eyes

Like loving, instead of rushing only to control and not to lose

Like healing, instead of hurting myself and everyone I feel around

Like being thankful, instead of sorry for all the words which leave my mouth

Like living, instead of dying with every day I waste for nothing

Like living, like living like living time as easy as you do

Why do you feel so alive?

empty hands

there is no space between our hands yet all I feel is emptiness promising touches holding me and whispering I am safe I am allowed to lose control I am allowed to let myself fall

while all I touch are empty hands, fading through my skin, not able to carry a single finger of mine so how can I expect from you to carry my world, while you already gave up on yours?

a name

There is a fragile beauty  in the way you are gone There is an absurd pleasure in the way you left There is a broken soul who used to find peace  with you And there is an empty voice which used to sing your name like a song to the stars

It is funny how things change How your name lies strangely on the tip of my tongue  How I absorb every single letter to find the hidden secret to why your name was so familiar once like a soulmate to mine but now fades away with your face and the peace it promised 

But I can’t stop I can’t stop repeating your name every night like a goodnight story  to scare the ghosts inside my chest and your spirit which stayed and still dances under the moonlight I still scream your name in my head until it feels like you again

lone lovers

we were, we are we used to be two strangers, two souls wandering through a world of small towns and drunken nights same days and a questioning mind of when there will be a time of passionate lovers, red roses and thirsty kisses and here we are now 9 months later two lovers, two dreamer wandering through the same world fed up from kisses, and drunk of desire we found what we wanted yet loneliness: even lovers can't fill all the empty spaces they carry within themselves 

You are so terrifying and beautiful to love I am so afraid and yet so full of lust Let me call your name every second of the day until it will become a second part of me

the past; a secure space I hold in my mind easiness laid on our skin now it is dust we got old in just a couple of months I miss these new felt days where kisses lasted for hours a new touch opened  a new thirst our smile reflected in each other eyes we used to find passion in an old bed and dirty sheets Yet today; the present promises pain, we found insanity in the soulmates we tried to be

I want to discover freedom rename the emptiness inside of my mind I start to understand that nobody ever said emptiness had to be filled to enjoy, to feel, to be it`s only an assumption a comforting picture the feeling of feeling fulfilled. we are used to fix and fill and fit get uncomfortable around unknown, around space because we desire comfort which isn’t freedom in the first place so at the end of the day how can we feel free when we try to fill ourselves only to avoid the void inside of us Isn't it the empty blue sky which let the sun enlight the day? Isn't it the open dark sky which let the moon guard the night? why don't we use the free space and instead of calling it emptiness let’s call it freedom instead of calling it loneliness let’s call it independence instead of searching let's call it finding

So tell me

how can you

love someone

and don't care at all?

I was your place of calm in the night You left me broken and abandoned  I wish I could go back, standing strong in the corner of your heart But now I am broken, shattered into a million pieces, ripped out Only left are my splinter in your skin

I want to go back in time  Be fixed, stable and loved again Not standing in the rain, soaking the water into myself  and feel my wooden heart swallow

Stop feeling sorry Stop feeling disgusted  Look at me and remember the past The number of nights we spend together  But all I see is you wishing for something new A new place of calm in the night

I can’t sleep without you without feeling your resting body pressed against mine I am awake and so are you By breaking me, you lost your place of calm I am broken and you are restless  We did not think at all

You can blame me for my weakness But wood is not meant for eternity And no matter how much you crave for something new I will always remember the nights we shared The calm of your breath  whenever you were about to fall asleep  I would be there to catch and hold you until the morning sun arrived 

But that's not on me anymore And even when I am gone remember me remember our nights, dreams and smiles Just a moment before you fall asleep remember the comfort  we used to find and the love we used to share