You Can’t Make A Home Out Of A Person

numbness became a second skin my brain seems quiet yet too loud in its silence and wherever I am there is nowhere to be my heart is trapped inside of my mind thoughts float  heavy through my veins exchange my blood with what is left to survive the night the day the losing in between

let's meet inside of your mind I want to fight the demons which haunt you at night let me become a part of you like you've become a part of me I bet your soul is soft and sweet like honey when it touches your lips I would stroke it tenderly until I start to understand the universe it carries inside

and even after you are gone and we leave what we called perfect I'll still know the feeling of you the softness and beauty and where your secret parts are buried like a treasure I'll still know you and remember the better part of me will always be you

"Distance is pain"

you said

So I told you

that someday

we would be together

and "someday" would bring

the brightest stars

and the deepest talks

A little infinity

in our little amount

of time

When did "I love you"s  lost their worth? They are no longer a promise of feelings but rather a confirm of enjoyment they are the life we dream of but not the dream we live they are the desire we hope for but not the passion we find they are a lie we replace with the truth but not the truth we see in each other we love to live a lie because it is so much easier then to go outside again and find someone where “I love you” is more than a construct against the loneliness

empty hands

there is no space between our hands yet all I feel is emptiness promising touches holding me and whispering I am safe I am allowed to lose control I am allowed to let myself fall

while all I touch are empty hands, fading through my skin, not able to carry a single finger of mine so how can I expect from you to carry my world, while you already gave up on yours?

Honey

Honey, you want to heal? forget the ugly words and the things he did how he blew out the candle  and you found yourself lost as the light faded away

Honey, you want to move on? Let go of the past  and the “I love you”s you shared Take back the person you gifted the time you shared Take back everything you don’t want him to keep

Honey, you want to live again? Leave the sadness you found after love and start all over again Find love in yourself and the things you enjoyed  Make room in your mind by throwing him out Find comfort in being alone

Honey, is that what you want? Healing, moving on and living? Because the truth is, it’s all in your hands but you rather remain in your situation Do you fear that the pain it takes to let it go would be more hurting than the pain you are currently in?

Honey, you won’t heal by  rereading and relistening old text messages and voice mails You won’t move on by  asking the universe for a call from him You won’t live again by reliving the memories you saved in your mind

You won’t find yourself by searching him

Honey, stop it,  Stop procrastinating on the future  Stop hurting yourself with the past  Don’t throw yourself away  It’s your love where you will find yourself again Not his

It’s you where you will gain the power from to heal move on  and live again

a name

There is a fragile beauty  in the way you are gone There is an absurd pleasure in the way you left There is a broken soul who used to find peace  with you And there is an empty voice which used to sing your name like a song to the stars

It is funny how things change How your name lies strangely on the tip of my tongue  How I absorb every single letter to find the hidden secret to why your name was so familiar once like a soulmate to mine but now fades away with your face and the peace it promised 

But I can’t stop I can’t stop repeating your name every night like a goodnight story  to scare the ghosts inside my chest and your spirit which stayed and still dances under the moonlight I still scream your name in my head until it feels like you again

I desired to learn so many things

Like trusting, instead of searching affection in your night sky eyes

Like loving, instead of rushing only to control and not to lose

Like healing, instead of hurting myself and everyone I feel around

Like being thankful, instead of sorry for all the words which leave my mouth

Like living, instead of dying with every day I waste for nothing

Like living, like living like living time as easy as you do

Why do you feel so alive?

I am drowning in the ocean of time and space Lost myself in the gab of ending and beginning I will remain here sit and swallow my anxiety  shivering from the unpleasant unknown of what is coming next  I have to learn to swim

I would love to allow me to be loved by you But honey, oh honey don’t doubt the loudness in my head words which scream how not enough I am over your words how much you adore me I want to let myself fall right into your arms where you would hold me tight and close but still every little bit of space would be just enough room to develop a black hole which teleport me right into my brain where my thoughts wait like thirsty wolves ready to punish me for letting myself fall for you