A Clown A Day Keeps The Circus Away.

"So, how's the wife?"

"Ah yes, the old ball and chain."

"That's a little rude, don't you think?"

I pull out a wedding photo from my wallet and you see me at the altar across from a chain chomp with a pink bow.

When preparing to sell your tower to other prospective wizard buyers, remember to have your unseen servant sweep and mop daily to be ready for showings. Your familiar's fur builds up quicker than you think. While you may not be bothered by, or even prefer dusty corners and that spider by the back entrance that kills pest bugs for you in lieu of rent, others prefer to let their dust build up and choose their own multi-legged tenants.

This is low key describing the development of my life philosophy over the years. Like, in order and everything. Get out of my head.

Counterspell does not require any verbal or material components so a gesture, say the hand of a sized up giant ape flipping off your spell, is sufficient to tell that filthy sorcerer trying to fireball your party where he can stick it while polymorphed. Just a... random example.

What's the most random thing you've got memorised for no apparent reason, that isn't useful in any other context than the one where you learned it?

80% of 1600 is 1280. I can remember no other percentages.

"That simple?"

"That simple." I said, handing the paper over.

"What's it do?"

"Kid, that's a ward against scrying and blood magic. Don't ever accept a deal like this again. You failed."

Wait, are you saying that magic is real?" "Yes." "And you can test if I have magical potential?" "Yes. It's simple: a piece of paper, a drop of your blood, and a simple spell."

"Well we're here now, so what do you think?"

"The script is all wrong. It's in a first era type when it should be second. The curvature of those lines make it ever so slightly oblong, and over here you can see where they corrected but you'll still have instability. I wish you hadn't brought me here."

"You're the only one I know that could tell me all that!"

"Yeah, and a picture would've been fine too. This thing could blow at any minute! I'm not equipped for demon hunting, especially the unbound sort this sloppy work will bring!"

"Shit."

"Shit, indeed."

Prompt #1181

"I feel like this is one of those things you should have told me earlier."

Gertrude, is that you?!