I’ve Changed My Mind, I’m Not Sisyphus Anymore. I’d Rather The Boulder Just Fuck Me Than Push It

I know we all make fun of Cale for sabotaging his own slacker life, but honestly given his life experiences, it kind of makes sense.

Beyond the obvious fact that he’s a good person who’s going to help where help is needed, it was also his responsibility to do so for around a decade.

Like, I’m pretty sure one of the reasons he gives for why he needs to do all this is because conflict would inevitably reach his doorstep and cause issues for him. In the shelter before he joins team 1, he wasn’t actively involved in the fighting… then the fighting came to him, destroying the shelter with massive amounts of casualties.

And unless I’m misremembering the side chapter, he did try to take a day off as team leader krs (for cjs and lsh’s death anniversary)—and then the company called him in to deal with a crisis.

So his life experiences do kind of align with the “I have to fix everything before I can have a day off” mentality

everyone (but especially Cross and Mother) watching Allen Walker

Nea: you look nice. Who dressed you, the Great Depression?

Cross: you look lonely, Nea. I’m so sorry I couldn’t attend your funeral 35 years go.

shout out to past!Allen Walker for being some unfortunate rando who came into contact with the narrative and then almost instantly became doomed by it

do I think these dgm characters would survive the wilderness (barring immortality lmao)

Allen: of course. I’m almost sure he’s had to do it before (cross *cough cough*)

Link: no? The streets sure, but the true wilderness? Probably not, unless the crows get that kind of training

Kanda: no. He’ll survive a fight, but he’s not going to be able to scavenge or he’ll eat something poisonous lmao. If the order had wilderness survival training, he probably did everything wrong on purpose

Lenalee: no. She’ll also survive a fight, but she doesn’t strike me as someone who was taught those skills. If anything, I think the order would have intentionally kept her vulnerable in that way to further prevent any running

Lavi: probably. The bookman clan has to have training for that.

Miranda: FUCK no lmao (I’m so sorry, my love)

Alistar: Nope

Timothy: no, sadly. Any education he was given on the subject went in one ear and out the other.

Cross: Yes.

Mother: Yes, she gives old woman who mysteriously survives everything vibes

Klaud: yes… even though she seems like a lady accustomed to finer things

Tiedoll: no… maybe? He seems like a prepared man.

Road: yes. She’s older than she looks, and I think she figured it out because she was bored.

Tyki: yeah, but not because of any actual skill. He survives as a comedy gag.

Sheryl: no, richboy

Apocryphos: unfortunately, yes.

the Earl/Adam: yes. That is one OLD motherfucker.

Mana (no, I’m not explaining): he’s either like Tyki or he absolutely thrives. You go looking for him, and you find him with a fully functional cabin and a garden. It’s been only two days. He didn’t make either, nor did he find them.

Neah: I feel like the answer is no.

Allen: The enemy of my enemy is my friend? No, the enemy of my enemy is also my enemy.

Allen: They are fighting over who gets to kill me, though. So it does give me time to escape.

Allen, on the verge of death again: I’m tired of this Crowned Clown

Crowned Clown: That’s too damn bad! You keep going!

with the knowledge that innocence is an parasitic entity that basically eats misery, I want someone to know that I think of Crowned Clown refusing to let Allen be killed/die or be separated as a kid throwing a tantrum because someone took away their candy.

like Apocryphos is desperately trying to get this piece of candy away because “it’s not good for you!” and Crowned Crown is kicking screaming crying about losing this food.

personally, I’m not the biggest fan of modern aus (the more distance from real life the better lmao), but in particular the significant traumas of the characters don’t always translate well (which… maybe the point actually). But seeing how the author does is always interesting! that said, here’s how the closest I can think of for a dgm modern au:

Allen: if you cut out the whole past self and possession situation, up until the Order, it’s pretty one to one. As a child, he had a limb difference and was trafficked. He met Mana and Allen the dog, the dog died, the place he was trafficked to burns(? maybe attacked and he was spared out of pity?) Due to the trauma of the incident, Mana gets worse, thinks Allen is Allen the dog and then they live on the streets until Mana’s death. Occasionally Mana mistakes him for Nea to keep that aspect of the trauma. Allen is attacked shortly after, survives, and is eventually taken in by Cross (and his debts). He gets a few stalkers or already has them and finds out later.

Lenalee: once again, the fighting is a bit tricky for a plain old modern au, but I can make some things work! After her parents died in an attack, she was adopted out of China into England to an abusive family. Eventually Komui was able to get custody of her… I’m unsure/doubtful he would actually be able to do this with the systems in place, so maybe foster care would work better?

Kanda: A cult??? I guess? And Alma died setting a fire maybe? Unless you want unethical government experiments in your modern au!

Lavi: … I don’t know about this one. A very emotionally distant family that shamed any expression of emotion or connection as weakness? But it doesn’t have quite the same implications, I think.

Miranda: Pretty easy! She’s still miserable and can’t keep a job. Poor Miranda.

Alistar: A bigoted, isolated small town? Very tough on this one. Maybe such a small town that superstition still runs strong and he was run out of town during a series of disappearances (actually caused by his girlfriend, Eliade).

Timothy: Pretty much the same. Abusive father who was eventually jailed for thieving, the orphanage where he lived had money trouble and he started stealing himself. Not sure where the trauma from the orphanage being attacked could fit in.

Mana: A crime family/mafia?? His brother (for reasons we aren’t sure of yet) went on a rampage and managed to take out most of the family, forcing Mana to kill him.

Link: he and his siblings/friends from the streets are adopted by a corrupt government official.

not doomed by the narrative, not saved by the narrative, but a secret third thing: employed by the narrative

wei wuxian 🤝 cale henituse

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