22.04.2025

Back from the iftar party and it's 12 already ! It was so fun and there were SOO many people. Tho it was quite overwhelming at first, I had such an amazing time. Heading straight to bed cuz ur girlie got a BUSY day tmrw 😭

07.03.2025

Didn’t post yesterday because I literally did nothing. Skipped school, joined the live class 15 minutes late because I randomly decided to shower last minute (and ofc, I don’t shower fast—especially when it's hair wash day !!!). Spent the entire class daydreaming instead of actually functioning, and now my to do list is staring at me like a disappointed parent. Ugh.

Anyways, shit happens. But also, I am so stressed about my backlogs. I feel like I’m drowning in stuff I have to do, I'm doing and will have to do— I have no idea how I’m supposed to do all this. Like, where is the pause button?? Also, I joined a Ramadan challenge group and haven’t updated in days—it’s barely been a week and I’m already flopping. I hate myself for it.

Weekend to do list:

• Complete Saturday’s notes + HW before they consume me

• Study for the bio test on Sunday (our teacher tests us on stuff we learned the previous week—I love her, but also, why)

• Rewatch yesterday’s lecture and actually process it this time

• Study all three bio lectures because apparently, I enjoy suffering (I did this to myself really)

• Iftar party later today, which means I’ll definitely miss live lectures and will have to listen to them tomorrow (future me is already panicking)

• Try to actually update in the Ramadan challenge group before I disappear completely

I am so behind, and I have no idea how I’m going to survive this, but we move.

21.04.2024 (mon)

DAY (13/30) OF DOP CHALLENGE

Study hrs ≈ 1:00 hr ish

I've been so inconsistent wthhh. I'm trynna do better tho (⁠˘⁠･⁠_⁠･⁠˘⁠)

Heyy y'all 👀 I'm back !! In the past couple of days, lowkey kinda crashed out and got sick for the second time (like come onnnn it's barely been a month !!) but yeah I'm back (again).

Didn't go to school yesterday so competed all of yesterday's notes (bio+phy+math) there were so much notes like wtf . Obv didn't record my note writing sessions on ypt

Chem vid on the first few topics of electrochemistry cuz I was absent yesterday and so fkrn lost in class today

Math hw (ex.1 of relations & functions)

Got some non study related things done as well :D (also, I'm a prefect now YAAAAY)

All in all, not the most productive of days but a good one :)

Dying from cramps rn lmfao fml

12.05.2025 (mon)

Study hrs ≈ 2:00 hrs

Revised lec 1 of current electricity + questions

Lec 2

💤 5 hrs + 30 min nap + 2:00 hr nap 💤

10.04.2025 (thu)

Day (2/30) of COLLAB CHALLENGE

3:21 hrs on ypt :P

💤 Sleep → 4 hrs I'm dying 💤

Got my Bio test back—scored 15/20. Was expecting 16-17 so it kinda stung, but I wasn’t fully shocked either. Definitely humbling though, thought I had that chapter down, but clearly not.

Math test today too -_- there was one question I wasn’t sure about but I did do it right the first time and then changed it last minute. And now there’s a high chance my original answer was correct. UGH. Mood was off after that, but I remembered my Bio marks and that was all the motivation I needed.

What I got done ~

Blurted the whole of Bio ch 1 (SRIFP) for Sunday’s coaching test

Read the reader carefully

Did 150 questions in 40 mins (got 6 wrong—4 due to dumb rushing)

Submitted Thursday workbook Qs (mandatory pre-test stuff)

Was supposed to clear Chem backlog today but LOL no ✨ fully sleep deprived ✨

Skipping Chem for now, going straight to bed. Also have a Phy test on Sunday—same chapter as the lecture I haven’t finished. So fingers crossed it all somehow works out :'(

Cyaaa

(⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)💗

13.03.2025 (thu)

Update: Finally got through Chem Lecture 1 (it took me almost three hours—why am I like this?? T-T) and barely started Lecture 2 before I got so damn sleepy. Thought, "Let me just rest my head for a sec" and BOOM—I was out. Ended up napping for an hour before my mom woke me up for dinner.

Still half-asleep, so I’m just gonna crash for the night. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself, but I’m also not about to let myself off the hook completely, yk? Gotta find that middle ground.

I kept replaying the explanation for the numericals, and by the third time, I basically just byhearted it. Not exactly the plan, but oh well. Not giving up though—I'll figure it out eventually.

Thinking of starting daily recap posts—what I actually managed to do and to-do lists for the next few days or even a week. Maybe writing it all down will keep me a little more accountable.

And omg, my sleep schedule is beyond saving at this point. It’s pure chaos. Probably gonna sleep in tomorrow to repay some of this sleep debt because, honestly, I need to sort this out before it gets worse :)

BYENNN~~ (kinda like bye + then— a lil smn I made up lol)

MWAHH

(⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)💗

WEEKEND TO DO LIST (march 20 to 22)

Bio - record work

Bio - complete diagrams

Bio - study rifp

Bio - complete notes (coaching)

Chem - study chemical kinetics

Chem - ws

Chem - lec 5,6,7 fml

Chem - NOTESSSS

Phy - study electric charges & fields

Math - study matrices

These are the stuff I HAVE to do. And if I have time I have to start doing questions and covering 11th backlogs cuz I haven't started YET 😭

You are smarter than you feel and you know more than you think.

Always while studying or right before an exam i feel like i don't know anything, my thoughts are all jumbled and I can't find a straight answer for a question i ask myself for funsies.

That's ok.

I've come to know that, despite feeling like i don't know anything, i hold all the necessary information. When it counts, when you have a specific problem right in front of you, you will know the answer.

You sometimes just have to trust yourself.

04.05.2025 (sun)

Day (25/30) DOP COLLAB CHALLENGE

There was no offline school today because of NEET (I have only a year left AHHHHH), but we did have online classes.

They started at 9, and I woke up at 9:05—but thankfully class actually began at 9:10. The teachers were struggling with the online setup and it totally took me back to COVID times lol.

Anyway, class ended around 12:40-ish, after which I procrastinated, cleaned my room (which was an absolute pig’s pen for the past week or so), ironed my uniform, and did other random stuff. I still haven’t even broomed my room yet—planning to do that tomorrow.

It’s almost 7 pm rn and these are the things I've still yet to do will have to end up pulling an all nighter just when I was planning to get my sleep schedule fixed wtf.

They gave us so much work just because we had Sunday, which wasn’t even technically off. Watch me as I die?

Also I’m most stressed about the speaking test in English which they count towards our internal marks so AHHHH.

Bio - test on reproductive health

Bio - record

Bio - notes +diagrams

Chem - haloalkanes and arenes test

Chem - notes

Phy - test on current and electricity

Math - relations and functions test

Math - hw

Eng - Speech

"What if you mess up? What if you realize you’ve already forgotten the materials you start studying?What if you initially focus but feel like a sedated zombie after a while?"

Can't you change these questions in your mind to - What if you can actually focus well for a long time? What if you do good enough to at least feel relieved? What if you can feel some sense of control over your life? What if you didn’t forget as much as you thought? What if you're way more competent than you thought? What if consistent hard work actually brings what your childhood self had desired instead of disappointments and exhaustion? What if it solves your lack of appetite and anxiety and thought spirals?

What if you asked the second set of questions more often? You already subconsciously know it would've lessened your stress a lot. Can you please stop thinking of self-hatred and pessimism as inseparable parts of your identity?

You're throwing yourself on the verge of extreme uncertainties. Do you deserve this much indifference? Ik you're afraid. But there isn’t any way to eliminate the fears without working on things while being afraid at first.

And even if you're lagging way too behind, you can manage to improve better than you're expecting at present. Trust this for at least a little time and trust everyone who trusted you.