Silence.

Heights and Falling.

I never minded heights. I love roller coasters and high top views. Seeing everything from a new point of view. But falling... Afraid of falling from that high point. Afraid of falling in love. Afraid of getting off that high that I get from you. And so I refuse to fall in love.

Gut Feelings.

You should always trust your gut feelings. Know when something is up and is not right. Your gut is a good indicator that something is wrong for you. Your gut is like your mom and she knows best. That pit feeling is a sign that you shouldn't go through with it. So why not listen to it? Why do you keep making the same mistakes? Over and over? When will you ever learn?

It's Gonna Be Alright.

Tick tock. This year is just zooming past. I wonder if I’ll ever get a chance to just stop and enjoy it.

It’s been stressful but I know I’m working towards something great. Something that I’ve been wanting. Something that I’ve been needing. Something that’s just for me. Nobody else.

So although the road is long and trying, I know I’ll eventually be alright. Thank you to those who stuck beside me, supporting me. Special thanks to those who didn’t just give up on me, and hung on to me as a friend, because they could see the potential in me. Thank you.

So delicious.

Patience.

Patience was never a virtue I thought I had. I mean sure, I have enough patience to wait for my Amazon package to arrive or the will power to not open a Christmas present early. But waiting for things to change, for things to change in my current life’s state, is difficult.

Waiting for that kind of change is so hard. You work towards the change to the best of your ability, but there is no end date or estimated time of arrival. With Amazon packages, you have tracking notifications. With Christmas presents, you know it occurs on the same day every year. But with life, no one knows. The only think I know is I’m still trying and I’m trying to make progress.

But how far I’m getting, how much closer I am, I wish I knew.

Late Night Thoughts.

Insomnia strikes again. I used to have really bad insomnia in college. But after working two jobs and going to school, I wore myself out so much that I was thankful to go to bed. But it seems like my insomnia has returned. Maybe it's the coffee I had hours ago. Or maybe I just have too many thoughts in my head. Today, I thought about how fast this year has gone by. Looking back at this same day last year, things have changed so much. Last year, I was headed on the trip of a lifetime. I was on a mission trip out of the country and it was the most inspirational and amazing thing I have done thus far. Never would I have thought I would be able to last that long overseas and in those conditions I had to go through. But that was nothing. It was nothing compared to all that I saw, the things I was able to experience, the people I had met. Besides the things overseas, things at home were also completely different. Family and friends were all well, relationships with everyone were good. This year, things are a bit strained and it really bothers me that I can't fix it. Maybe it's because I lacked the courage that I had so much of last year. Or maybe it's how it's supposed to be for now. Maybe this is a lesson in life. Or maybe I should just roll to the other side of the bed and count sheep.

There is such a thing as a happy ending.

No, not the Cinderella gets with the Prince type of happy ending. Not the bad guys get caught and the protagonist triumphs type of happy ending either. Sometimes, a happy ending simply just means coming to peace with what the conclusion came out to be. It may not be the ending you wished for, but as long as you have a will, and there are days ahead, you can make that ending however you want to make it. So you didn't get into your school of choice. So you didn't win the design project. So the boy you waited for didn't wait for you. It's all going to be okay. How do I know? I don't. But I trust in myself and I have faith in my future.

Falling Apart.

And this is how they fell apart... Lack of words, lack of communication.... Too much confusion, too much misunderstanding... Too late to turn back...

Uncontrollable.

There are just certain aspects in your life that you simply can't control. You can't really control who walks into your life, and sometimes you can't control who walks out of your life. Unexpected events that can occur can break your normal routine as well. Some of these events can turn into blessings while some other events are still taking time for recovery. Emotions. Sometimes it's hard to control them as well. You get angry, you get sad, you are elated, you're in love. So many emotions come and go repeatedly throughout our lives. Hopefully someday we'll have it all figured out. Until then, I'll stumble and fall as I find my way. Bruises and nightblindness and all.