When My Friend’s Mom Is Mutuals With Me So I Can’t Repost The Muppet Joker Anymore

Ok ok I’ll do The Thing!! I ought to go on a date with him first though

Dear everyone who is currently working on a Thing, whatever that Thing may be,

Good luck with the Thing. You can do the Thing. You will do the Thing. You just have to do the Thing.

Best wishes,

Someone who is also doing a Thing

i can't stand these new fountain machines they dispense watered down piss

I want a snail now

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

The absolute elation I feel from going onto unsuspecting victims’ strawpages and drawing loss in the submit a drawing section is too large for words. Too large for expression. Too large for containment. My joy is uncontained.

true form of God

The beans, me and the fellows searcheth f'r apace, by the hour wh'rein hags doth taketh flight

Oh god what the fuck did you guys do???

look at this wonderful gif of scallops getting scared and scattering like a flock pigeons