This Is The Best Timeline

Child of the sun, come back

[ascended!astarion x gn!spawn!reader]

You had colorful memories, once: vivid flower fields, triumph smiles, faces that gave you comfort. But now, images of curtains with the sun behind blurred your mind, leaving darkness where color had been, once.

1122words / one shot / angst

note: after years of not writing anything, baldurs gate has inspired me to write just a little bit. ascended astarion has some good angst around him and i love it

There were days spent in the hollow main room, where the curtains protected your being from becoming dust. A lonely chair in front of the window, where just a peek welcomed a ray of the sun to meet the cold room. You just admired it quietly, desiring it to meet your flesh once more; to take you back to who you once were.

Astarion had said something once. He had stayed, observing silently, as if you were going to open the curtains and kiss the sun, leaving to another limbo. You knew it wasn't because he was scared, but everytime you came here, he appeared. Standing near the door where the darkness was, as if he were hiding from the rays of sunlight. He had yearned for them, once. Perhaps its familiarity had bored him.

But then, that company left, and the sun stayed.

“I don't know what's inside that head of yours, darling.”

He could know, but he chose not to.

Quietly watching as you hug your legs, your gaze peeking behind your knees. A ray almost looking magical, sacred. A plea to be touched.

Come back to me, child of the sun.

Child of the sun… you were, once. Someone had called you that, once. Who? You wondered—always did.

Sometimes you caught yourself forgetting memories; where once there were faces with prideful smiles, now rest the images of curtains, and that face, almost proudly, looking back at you with a high face.

Then, you hear it: a melody. Maybe inside your head, but it has been a long time since satisfying music passed through your ears. Closing your eyes, your head moves slightly with the rhythm. This palace had always been silent.

You stood up. Your legs moved by themselves—a curious thing, feeling as if something controlled you. Your hands dance delicately. This time, is enjoyable.

Someone taught you how to dance, once. A warm hand guided your clumsy steps to a magnificent piece. Warm compliments to keep you going. You had fun—you remembered that.

You danced, once. With who?

“You are dancing.”

You stopped, paying full attention to him. The room seemed darker.

“I was.”

Astarion just stared. Observing was one of his favorite pastimes all this eternity. Arms behind him, trying to interpret your curious actions. But then, he holds his hand for you to take.

“Dance with me.” This time it doesn't feel like a command—a request, perhaps. Either way, it required your obedience.

You accepted it, and in an instant, he had a grip on you—his left arm around your waist, his right hand taking your hand higher. A close proximity you expected. This Astarion loved touch—to be close. Weirdly, this grip was soft.

And then, he moved. You are confused by the dance—what was his intention? Slower? Faster? Your clumsiness appeared once more by almost falling, but the vampire’s hands kept you in place. The soft chuckle from Astarion fills your ears, and you feel something you hadn't felt lately—embarrassment.

When was the last time you felt anything, anyway?

“Why the rush, my dear? We just began.” He guided you. Back perfectly still, shoulders impeccably aligned, head high, with eyes staring back at you with a gentleness you didn't recognize. His true intentions were unknown to you. When those scarlet eyes held such tenderness just for you in this present, you didn't know if they were real, or if the meaning behind them was something completely different.

Either way, this mystery game tired you and holds no meaning anymore. Resting your head on his chest, the melody that once was, dissolved, leaving you in a cold silence. The curtains blocked the sun, and the rays of light weren’t as strong as before. Were they afraid, of the dark in the room?

“I was a child of the sun, once.” You muttered more to yourself than to him.

“You were, once.” A different grip—tighter, afraid to let go; or, maybe, caging you to not break the connection. But was it a connection when one line was severed? When the other side was unresponsive?

There was no answer when his response was final. A tone that you use with a child when they should not question further. You are happy without divulging. Ignorance is a bliss. Stay with me. Why do you even think of leaving?

“This is what you wanted—to stay with me.” He reassured, whispering over your ear as he pressed your bodies together.

“Of course I did.” An instant answer. To you, it is a justification for your predicament. To him, it is a decision you made for love. A meaning that both sides had something in common: to stay beside each other for eternity, even if the concept of love was morphed according to whom the person is.

Then, he stopped, and so did you. Opening your eyes, you looked at him, only to see unusual fragility in that crimson. The dance already forgotten; his hand moved to grip your jaw, leaving a gentle kiss. Your eyes flickered to the hidden windows—slightly opened, letting the curtains dance, too.

Strange tenderness. There’s nothing.

He broke the one-sided connection. Crimson eyes wandered your face. “Your meal is soon. I advise you to get ready, my love.” He doesn't leave. He needs an answer.

“Of course.” The response satisfied him, as he freed your jaw from his grip. He takes backwards steps with his arms on his back, observing again. You took the chance to study him, too—exactly the same as you can remember. Curled soft hair, as white as snow; stance looking proudly, But that face…

“I’ll wait for you.”

“Yes.”

Unfortunately, such embrace almost meant nothing. A chore, perhaps; or maybe, a burden only a puppet can keep on doing. The cruelty of it all left hollowness, and even the memories had left you.

The rays of light seemed to exist again once his presence was gone. There's warmth once the sun remembers you, calling what was before your name. To come back to them.

You had a name, back then. Your friends called your name, once. They didn’t erase it. They didn’t call you things you weren't.

The memories belong to the curtains. What you once were, belongs to them now.

You had a reflection. You had warmth. You had mortality. You had the sun. You had him. You had—

You opened the curtain.

The window had no reflection for you.

But it had such a loving embrace you didn’t have in many years.

You came back to me, child of the sun.

e m p t y / 12

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter twelve

flying

When the aptitude test began once again, [Name] was ready for it now— but of course, things got on his way as they have always done.

As he was being lifted in the air he didn't find much trouble balancing himself. Everything was going according to plan, but a small uncomfy feeling was slowly appearing on the back of his head, quickly creeping his whole head with a heavy weight with it. It soon became more painful, seeing his clenched jaw and a twitch on his left eye. Nevertheless, the boy didn't voice his discomfort and tried to keep going as normal.

Fortunately, the boy could whine mentally, ”oh fuck!” He clenched his fists, trying to not lose his balance that much. It may have sound like an exaggeration, but the headaches more than just hurting they clouded his mind— as if he couldn’t see trough the fog. He felt horribly tired out of nowhere, but didn't give in.

Unfortunately, his trouble couldn’t be hid. Why now, of ALL times, this is happening to me? Gritting his teeth, he tries as best as he could to not have a worse performance like yesterday. Somehow he stood his ground and managed— well, the test result didn’t have to be perfect, right? If it only allowed him to pass just barely, then that was enough for him.

Waiting for his result with a poker face, the silence Shadis fell in made [Name] worried. Was his performance so horrible he couldn’t be allowed to stay?

It seemed whatever Shadis was thinking had finished, and with a deep loud voice he spoke, ”I see you have problems with it still— just be careful your useless ass doesn’t make you fall to your death!”

[Name] couldn’t stop a sigh of relief getting out. Well, that was better than not passing. It was pretty disappointing not being able to do his best thanks to the headaches, but it isn’t as if he needed to be in the top ten to join the Survey Corps— he will just have to manage the upcoming tests and keep passing somehow. That if my headaches don't make me kill myself.

”I’m happy for you, [Name]!” Marco grinned, looking happily to him as he returned, “I knew you could do it.”

Jean rubs his head, ”man, your headaches really come in the worst time, do they?”

”It’s so absurd.” He bitterly stated, placing a hand on his forehead while closing his eyes, clearly frowning.

“Seems this is going to go for a while, seeing the amount that haven’t made it.”

"Can we stay there in the mean time?" [name] pointed a place pretty far from where they were— just a spot under some trees. Jean instantly knew he just wanted to sleep. You lazy sleepy adorable thing...

The trio walked away, sitting on the grass.

”Could we get in the air today?” Marco wondered, supporting his hands on the grass as he looked at the others trainees doing the test.

From afar he could see Eren’s failure and raising— it was pretty inspirational. [Name] always felt what truly made Eren into the person he was was his great sense of freedom. He truly fights of what he really wants. That can make him stupid or brave, if not both. By his surprise, it seems the brunette was looking for somebody— and that was him. They meet gazes from far away, [name] tilting his head to the side, curious. Looks like Eren is debating what to do, but in the end he sent a wave to [Name]. His eyes widened slightly, returning the wave unsure.

...?

"Where do you plan to go, [Name]?" Marco inquired, looking at him with prying eyes. His attention from Eren shifts to Marco,

"The Survey Corps."

"Really? That's... a lot of courage..." [Name]'s choice reminded Marco everyone would take their own paths in the future— many of them would not see each other again at the end of all of this.

"Or just really stupid," Jean couldn't help but mutter, crossing his arms. [name] sighed, knowing his choice was still not accepted by his friend. The [hair color] haired boy approached Jean and wrapped his arms around his torso, resting his head on Jean's chest. The action made the taller male blush, "o-oi, what the hell are you doing?!?

"Don't get mad," he closes his eyes, drifting off to sleep slowly. Rubbing his head against the other's chest, [name] muttered things Jean couldn't hear clearly. He just mumbled curses, not really trying to get [name] off of him. Secretly, he liked the gesture.

Marco just watches the interaction with interest, wondering about their past relationship. He noticed these two came together— childhood friends? but they look too intimate...

The freckled boy tilts his head. "You don't want him to join?"

Jean frowns, clearly showing his displeasure. "Of course not! Why would I when I know he— he will..." He doesn't finish the sentence, but Marco knows what he means. Unconsciously, the freckled boy moves [name]'s hair from his face, looking at the gentle expression he's making.

He smiles softly, "then... we should enjoy these moments together." While his embarrassment goes away for some time, Jean wraps his arms around [name], as if he fears for him to disappear.

While Jean and Marco talk about what the life inside the Military Police would be like, a certain brunette couldn't stop frowning at the close proximity Jean and [Name] were in. He just glared from afar, not liking one a bit the horrible scene.

After some hours, the test was over with when the instructor announced it's end. Both Jean and Marco hurriedly tried to wake [name] up, and after some tries the boy barely was awake. They didn't care about the state he was in and actually dragged him to were everyone was lining up, talking over his ear to wake him up. After some tries, the boy seemed to be conscious enough to at least stand up properly. All the cadets grouped in under the heavy gaze of their instructor, waiting for their new test.

Shadis stared at all of them with a harsh gaze while shouting, "the next test will be using your gear! Get familiar with it because then you will be doing teamwork practice, useless maggots!"

Everyone collected their new gear with grins on their faces, including [name]. His sleepy state had partially gone away at the feeling of finally being in the air.

Finishing wearing it, the trainees lined again to hear the instructions of the new test.

"Alright, maggots! The test from today is simple and an introduction for the next— use your blades to get the dummies! Every well done slice is a bonus point for your performance and your rank. At the count of three, the test will begin. It will finish when I say, so don't get too distracted!"

  Jean turns to [name], showing one of his 'handsome' smiles. "Okay [name], watch how a natural does it, hmn?" [name] just stares blankly at him, not caring much. "At least say something..."

"...one! THE TEST BEGINS!"

Seeing everyone already entering the forest, [name] took his time to get used to the blade's weight. He wanted to make sure everything was in order before going into action; there was no rush for now. Walking trough the forest, [name] clearly heard where the majority was. He jumped and shoot his hooks, heading to the left. I don't hear much here.

Managing the complete gear was something else. [name] had to be full awake to use it, if not, he could get badly injured if something went wrong. Nevertheless, the boy couldn't stop from closing his eyes and go with the flow, the feeling the wind against his face and the smell of grass present. He felt free.

Hearing the squeak of the dummies moving, the boy opened his eyes, ready to attack. There were two dummy titans of different size and pretty far away from each other, but without much wait [name] gripped his guns, releasing gas to quickly slice trough the fake neck successfully. That was good— now the other. Repeating the same process, [name] was getting the hand of it fast. Thanks to his good hearing, he could notice everyone was not that far away, seems like they are fighting for dummies.

Grinning at the sight of another untouched dummy, the boy prepared his grip to get another successful slice. Getting close to his target, he heard someone approaching quickly, stealing the kill. [Name], unamused, closed his gas to recognize the stealer was Reiner, who had a smug grin in his face.

"Thank you for the help, [name]! If it wasn't for your great sense of direction I would have not found this goldmine."

[Name] just stuck out his tongue, not really that bothered by the stealing. But just for a slight second, [name] changes, but to be precise his eyes change, and Reiner clearly see the difference— they look at him harshly, but with a tint of mocking along with a grin. "Let's see if you steal my kill when they break the wall again, giant." Leaving the blonde frozen by the sudden and dark comment, [name] left carelessly, as if he didn't say something weird.

Reiner just carefully watches him leave, the smirk long gone from his face.

  Ẍ̵̨̛̛̺̫̜̼̞̀͊̉̄͒͂̽̿̉̊͗̌ͅX̶̺̤͕͈̙̘͙̬̣͕͕̥̀̇́͗̆͛́̔̄̈̚X̵̹̤̗̋̚͝X̴̡̛̖̜̗͕̓͑͌̑̍͂̿X̶̨̙͎̩̮̖̖̬̘̌̓͐̐̽̋͛̅̌̄̄͊̐͝Ẍ̷̢̢̮͚̠̙͇̞͙͎͈́̌̆͊̒̉̂̇͑̐ͅX̶̨̖̗̰̮̖̜̲̜͇̊͐̌̒̾̾̆̾͝͠,̸̨̳̞̲̻̭̃̄͛̈̓͒̑̄̿̈́̽͑̈́͊͜ͅ ̶̢̡̠̝̮̳̦̟̜̙͖̰͔̑͑͑t̴̨̧̻̟̤̫͕̝̠̖̭͚̲̄̌̿̉̑͆̍͝h̷̙̝̟̎̄͆̿͐̚͝ȃ̴̧̱͉̬͔͈̮̬͎͚̦͖̘̔̄̐͆̓̌̀̅̅̇͘̕͝ͅt̴̛̠̬̼̰͈͉̖̜͛̉̏͆̽̐̒̈̑͆̄͠ͅ ̶̭͕̟̺̯̀̌̊̽̃̽̚͝ḯ̸̫̠̩͔̈́̉̕s̵̡̥̰̤̩͈̬̒ṇ̸̜̝̳̲̼̣̒̓͝'̷̢̱̺̝̪͛̈́͆͆̆̔̾͒̾̔̋̏̌̕ẗ̶̻́͆̒̈́́̃͌̏͆͂̎͠ͅ ̵̛̥͕͉̤͚͇͈͍̇̿̽̈́́͑̕͝ͅa̵̰̗̤̥̲̦̙̟̰̽̚͝l̴̨̨̧̛͎̞̗͉̬̲̼̭̣̀̓͋̿̈́̈̄̌̃͒͒͌̚̕l̸̩̻̮͈͍̼͍̺̪͚̬̜̣̟̦̋͒̃̔̂͐͒̈͘͠ò̸͚̖͍͕̀̋͆̅̑̽̍̂̈́̿͌ẅ̷̢͎͉́̐̔̃͠e̴̛̖̥̖͖̦̲̥̯͚d̸̺̲͇̊̓̑̃̄̄͘͜!̶̛͖̪͓͉̜̹͍̣́̎̍͒̈̓̂ͅ

  "Don't care."

"Everyone! Get your asses back here!"

"Next test will be for teamwork! Learn to cooperate together to take down a titan! Teams are already done, so hear carefully!"

"First team: Eren Jäeger, Jean Kirstein—"

[Name] heard Jean curses under his breath, and he couldn't stop a chuckle from coming out of his lips. He can see Eren, who is at the front, frowning and cursing too.

"Next team: Bertolt Hoover, [Name] Knight, Marco Bodt, Connie Springer and Mina Carolina!"

He didn't care much of who was he paired with— there wasn't anyone he disliked. [Name] was pretty excited for the practice, thanks to his adrenaline using the gear in the air just minutes ago.

The instructor had explained the practice consisted in taking care of the dummies inside the forest with your team— as he was going to watch everyone performance, seeing any lack of teamwork would get minus points.

"You have to learn how to cooperate— if you don't, there's nothing but mistakes and unavoidable mess," Shadis spoke, "get with your team and prepare for the test!"

[Name] waved at Jean before leaving, receiving a grunt. He reunited with his team, spotting Marco first who was already with the three soldiers. When they saw [name], Connie grinned enthusiastically and wrapped his arm around [name]'s shoulder.

"Ready for being first place, partner?" [Name] nodded, blinking blankly, "okay everybody! leave this to me!"

"Not so fast, air head!" The black haired girl spoke, "this is about teamwork, don't go all crazy and dandy doing your own thing!"

"I believe all of us will do our best— we just have to coordinate right!"

[Name] not interesting much in their conversation, looked at Bertolt with his usual poker face and waved, tilting his head slightly. The taller soldier blinked in surprise, shyly returning the greeting. [Name] sure looked to have some childish behavior– the brunette couldn’t stop imagining him as a little kitten when he was with Jean. The sudden thoughts made him blush. A kitten...

  "Everybody, in place! The practice will begin in 3...2..."

The practice was being an absolute failure.

The team wasn't communicating properly— between the silence of some members and the independent actions of others, the team regrouped to discuss about their currently horrible performance.

“What the hell are we doing?!”

”Connie! Stop going on your own and follow orders!”

”What?! Nobody is giving shit! Why is it my fault?!”

”Hey—! Please calm down! We still have time to get it together!” Marco tried to control the situation, but the two weren’t listening to him. He turned to the other two, “Bertolt, [Name]! Help me out!” The taller soldier couldn’t speak properly. His shyness didn’t let him, and just opted to stay silent and look apologetic.

[Name], in the other hand, feeling done about the bad experience, placed a hand on his hip, while the other took one of his blades and pointed at the two fighting members, gaining their attention. He frowned, “we need to replenish and think about something. We look like fools.”

While they found a base to resupply, Marco spoke in the gentle voice he had, “we need to have a clear task ahead— we can’t just scatter and find a target for ourselves.”

”Well, it’s not like we have a leader in the team!”

”It’s true... we are just doing our own thing." Mina said, grunting, "we need someone giving orders!"

The freckled boy hummed, trying to think about something. “I don’t think I’m capable of leading... what do you say, Bertolt?”

”No offense to Bertolt, but he doesn’t even say his thoughts,” Mina replied instead, sighing. The taller cadet just sweated, playing with his hands nervously. “Connie is no good either, and I don’t think I’m good to take over the leader thing.” The bald kid just huffed, pouting.

They all stared at [Name], who was yawning. But as soon as he felt their stare, with a raised brow he questioned, “what?”

* * * * * * *

”Well... I guess this is better than nothing.” [Name] spoke, still unsure by their choice. He didn't feel particularly confident by being the leader of the team this time, but it wasn't as if he thought it was something hard.

”Don’t worry, [Name]. If you have trouble with something I will be happy to help you!”

”And why aren’t you the leader?” He narrowed his eyes, raising a brow.

Marco mumbled, "w-well, I'm not really good at giving orders... hehe..."

"Whatever. I heard a lot of noise in the right side of the forest, so let's go to the left," [Name] guided them in what he thought would be a good path, "there should be more dummies left here, and less people."

"How can you tell? I really can't distinguish where are they right now..." Mina asked, looking around her, "do you have good hearing?"

"I think so. Right now I can hear Eren's loud voice fighting with Jean," the amnesiac boy shifted his gaze on a intact dummy— jackpot, "Connie! Get the legs while I go for the neck!"

"A-Ah, sure!"

Their performance had gotten better with someone taking the lead— as [name] gave orders, others followed them. Mina nor Marco still didn't have the strength to make a good cut, but thanks to [Name] observing everyone's performance he yelled for Bertolt to back them up, or sometimes doing it himself. At the beginning everyone seemed to lack confidence with what they were doing, but while the practice progressed everyone was gaining trust in each other.

  "Everyone retreat! Practice's over! Once we announce your ranks, retrieve your gear!"

"[Name]! You did great!" Marco complimented him, grinning. Everyone patted from the harsh practice, but the smiles in their faces told him they were pretty satisfied with their performance.

"Did I?"

"Of course!" Mina laughed, "this time it really felt everyone was pulling their own weight. Nice job!" She patted his shoulder, giving thumbs up.

"Hey, hey— yeah, [Name] did great and all but don't forget the ace of the team— Connie Springer!"

"Sure thing, baldy— I can't imagine what we would have done without you!" The girl sarcastically spoke, already leaving the place, "let's hurry to see who made it first place!"

"I race ya!!"

"H-Hey! Wait up!" Marco followed them.

The remaining two stayed to catch their breaths, until [name] broke the silence. "Was I good?"

The taller cadet blinked, realizing he's talking to him. His face is slightly red, but the only thing he can do is nod. [Name] hums, feeling particularly... nice by their compliments. "Let's go back, then." The taller boy nodded, giving an awkward smile before leaving the spot.

[Name] rubbed his hand on his neck, relieving some stress. Controlling the gear was expectantly hard— he had to be full awake to not have any accident. And, talking about accidents... he was relieved his headaches hadn't appeared while he was in air. [name] didn't want to be in that type of situation any time soon. Wouldn't be pretty falling from this height...

Jumping, the teenager fired his hooks successfully into a tree, following the others. But as soon as he fired another hook, it didn't came out. Before [Name] could realize what was happening, he was already falling. Oh no. He erratically gripped his controllers to make it work, but it seemed there was something stuck inside or just the gear didn't work. This is going to hurt really bad.

Trying to somehow prepare from the amount of pain he was going to feel, he closed his eyes and tensed. As his thoughts were occupied by the injuries he would get, he didn't hear the steam of someone's gear hurrying to his way. Instead of being welcomed by the harsh ground, there was a much softer and warm welcoming.

Opening his eyes, [name] could feel arms wrapped around his torso. Tilting his head, he recognized his savior was Eren. Both of them didn't say anything at all— the brunette didn't even try to look at him. [Name] could see he was frowning— is he... angry?

Eren landed on a tree branch without much trouble, letting go off [Name]'s hold. The amnesiac didn't exactly know what to say, seeing how tensed his friend was.

Before he could even say something, Eren snapped, "what were you thinking?! Falling like that!" His eyes showed a mix of anger and worry, but the tone of his voice made [name] clear he was upset.

Blinking, [name] tried to explain but was cut off, "my gear—"

"Did you become this careless!? What the hell!" Eren couldn't help but yell— it felt as if he was taking his irritations on him.

Getting bothered by Eren's childish behavior, [Name] harshly spoke, "what's your problem? stop acting like a child!"

[Name]'s outburst had seemed to snap Eren from his anger, seeing his widening eyes. The brunette crossed his arms and averted [name]'s gaze, letting out a huff. [Name] shared the same annoyance, frowning while he sat down to see what was the problem with his gear.

The silence was horribly tense and awkward, but it didn't take long to Eren to give in. He let out a heavy sigh, rubbing his neck. His expression looked apologetic— [name] frowned, not liking the situation one a bit. The and being unable of finding the source of the gear's failure, the amnesiac's patience was slowly disappearing.

“Look, [Name]... I...” he tried to choose his words right, “I’m sorry. I—I was an idiot, okay?”

[Name] didn't look at him. "You still are."

Sighing, the brunette sees [name] is the one upset now. It's not that he's not allowed to— after all, Eren was being a child these past days. "I shouldn't have told you that back then... I wasn't thinking clearly." He doesn't know if to keep going, but seeing [name] has stopped his actions and has just stared in front of him made him talk more urgently, "I know what I say was wrong— It's just... seeing you again after two years, not knowing where you were... my emotions just kinda... snapped."

There's silence, but Eren keeps going. "You— you don't know how horrible I felt after that, okay? Back then, when I thought about what had happened to you, and what happened to my mom... I was angry at everything. But seeing you were okay, and with that horse face protecting you as if I wasn't your friend... I guess I was bothered and happy at the same time. Look, I'm... I'm sorry."

Both of them keep quiet, but [name] decides to speak, "...I always thought about all of you," he scratches his hand, "I thought I would never see you again." He turns around, meeting Eren's eyes. [Name] is not good at showing emotions, but the brunette can recognize the pain in his face. "Hearing you say those things, as If I didn't care about you, didn't feel... nice." He stands up, forgetting about his gear.

"...can you... forgive me?" Eren is embarrassed— he's not usually this... passive. Nevertheless, he recognized his mistake. After all, it wasn't much different when they were kids— [name] really made him act in another way.

[Name] got closer where Eren was, "...you have always been an impulsive idiot."

”Hey! I’m trying here!”

[Name] chuckles, leaving a kiss on his cheek, “I know.” The unexpected action makes Eren's face blush, feeling shy, "you are forgiven."

Eren gulps, averting his gaze in embarrassment. "Hey, [name]..." he speaks in a lowly tone, when he hears a hum from [name] he continues, ”can we... sleep together tonight?”

[Name] blinks at the question, ”sure.”

Before Eren can mentally celebrate his success, the practice reminds him of where they were heading. "Shit! We have been here for too long— oh shit. The instructor would yell at us." Eren was going to leave, but [name] grabbing his wrist stopped him. He turns, confused, "what?"

"My gear. I don't know what happened to it but I can't use it." He demonstrated the issue, trying to shoot one of his hooks but nothing came out. Grunting, Eren passes a hand trough his hair, trying to think what should they do.

"There's nothing else— I will carry you there. Just hang on, okay?" Eren carries [name] bridal style, the amnesiac wrapping his arms around the other's neck, a little unsure about it. Nevertheless, it seemed his friend was confident and ready about this, so he didn't say anything and hoped for the best.

Eren carefully fired his hooks, trying to make the trip safer for both. They left the forest successfully, luckily averting the majority of the others' attention. The landing was a little harsh, but nothing they couldn't handle. As they arrived, who noticed their presence was Jean and Marco, the first running to them with a glare directed to Eren.

"What did take you so long?!" Jean yelled at [name], but quickly shifted his anger to Eren, pointing at him, "and you! It's your fault we got last place!"

"Ah?! Why my fault?! You didn't do anything but get in my way every time, horse face!"

While the two were fighting, Marco approached [name] with his usual smile. "I have good news! We got second place!"

"Is that so? Who's first?"

"Reiner's team— I guess he's really a natural leader. Even so, I'm really happy with how we did back there, thanks to you!"

[Name] scratches his neck, feeling shy. "is that so? I didn't do much tough..."

"Of course you did!" He grins, "oh, but what happened? I saw you came without your gear."

While [name] explained what had happened, all of them returned their gear, but not without [name] notifying the failure. The instructors had said they would check the gear and notify tomorrow what was wrong with it. Eren left to find Armin and Mikasa, but not without smiling at [Name] one last time. Jean, suspicious about the new and sudden behavior, questioned [name] about what had happened back in the forest. The amnesiac boy just tells him he will tell him if he gives him his bread.

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

Everyone was getting ready for bed, as nighttime had arrived. [Name] had told Marco he would sleep with Eren tonight, and with Jean currently talking to the freckled boy, could not have ignore that statement.

"Really? Did you two became boyfriends all of sudden?" Jean raises a brow, annoyed. It wasn't a secret he disliked Eren— in fact, it was public information.

[Name] blinks, a little confused by the question. "...Boyfriends...? I'm just sleeping with him tonight. Is that a problem?"

"Of course there's a problem! It's weird!"

"Weird? But I've slept with you before..."

Marco coughed, feeling a little embarrassed by how... weird that sounded. Luckily for them, everyone was in their own business, so no one was hearing what they were saying.

"I-It isn't the same!"

"Why are you caring so much if Marco is the one who I share the bed with?"

Jean, irritated and with his face dust in red, averts his gaze and grits his teeth. "Fine! Do whatever you want! Is not as if I care anyways."

[Name] frowns, not understanding Jean's anger. Why was he behaving so difficult all of sudden? Trying to fix the issue, [name] remembers the books he had read before about giving princesses giving kisses. They had always made someone happy just by a kiss, and [name]'s innocence and childish mind doesn't think about the consequences of such actions. He just follows what he thinks is right and closes the gap between Jean and him, giving a soft kiss near the other's lips. Unfortunately, the sudden reaction of Jean pushing him away harshly isn't what he's expecting, seeing his confused and hurt look he wears. Thankfully [name] is still on the bed, so instead of falling on the wooden floor he's met with Marco's chest, who unconsciously takes [name]'s shoulders. The freckled boy can literally feel the uncomfortable, painful and tensing silence the three had fallen to— he recognizes the regretful expression Jean shows, but is soon shifted into a frown.

Lucky or not, what breaks the silence is Eren looking for [name], oblivious of what had happened with the trio. "[Name]! Ready to—" he abruptly sees the faces of both Jean and [Name], and with suspicion he ask, "is something wrong?"

"...no. I was just telling Marco we're changing beds tonight." [Name] stands up, "good night."

"...Alright, then. Let's go." He takes [name]'s hand, tangling his fingers with his'. Smiling, both leave.

Jean just sees them leaving, clenching his jaw. What had occurred was an instant reaction— as they were surrounded by literally everyone, what would have they thought about seeing something like that? It's not that Jean didn't mind, but he did.

"I hate him." Jean states, looking at the back of Eren's head in disgust.

Marco sighs. I fear a war between these two...

  When the lights are turned off and everyone is finally sleeping, Eren can't stop himself from hugging [name] —who is already asleep—, hiding his face on the crook of [name]'s neck, smelling his nice scent. He blushes as he leaves a soft peck on the other's cheek, feeling happiness by being reunited with him finally— a miracle, maybe, or just luck.

Nevertheless, he's sure he will not lose sight of him ever again. Closing his eyes and tightening his hold, he softly mutters a promise he swears to keep forever over [name]'s ear:

"I'm never letting you go again... I promise I'll protect you."

when you try to talk about writer’s block and ppl out there telling you to “write anyway!” “you can do it!” “write about anything!” “just write” 

AaaaaaAAA your work is truly A++++

oh my thank you!! 😭💖

Did I just read save us all and cry my eyes out? Yes. Yes I did. Do want more of that sweet, sweet angst? Yes. Yes I do.

Thank you! Im happy it was angsty. It's really messy, so thanks ♡ Flower curse has angst too, but it isn't gender neautral! So if you havent read it already i recommend it :p I hope i can write more angst soon!!

you hangin in there?

i am, unfortunately, still alive

I have read it and it’s awesome! (So are your other series)

Oh my thank youuu!!! 😭😭😭😭 im so happy! I love writing angst, hope i can write for all of you! ♡

“i’m heading to bed, goodnight ☺️”

me in bed:

e m p t y / 13

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter twelve

someone else

"[Name]! Wake up already!" Eren’s voice is the first thing [Name] hears, right on his ear. His friend moves him and pushes him around, trying to wake him up. The sleepy boy only gets irritated by the harsh movement, punching the brunette away from him. “H–Hey! That hurt!”

”Go away,” is the only thing [Name] can say before hiding his face on his pillow and sleep again. Unfortunately for him, his friend doesn’t give up. Eren tightens his hold on [Name]’s shirt and makes him sit by force, making the sleepy boy a little dizzy by the sudden movement.

”There you go!” He grins, “Marco advised me to lay your clothes here, so hurry and change! I’ll be right back.” He stands in the same spot, looking at [Name]’s cute sleepy state for some time before leaving.

The [hair color] haired is not awake, clearly. His eyes close and open every second, and he can’t sit still. Luckily, all the noise around of everyone talking, yelling makes him not fall asleep again.

[Name] undresses so lazily it almost looks like hes doing it asleep— almost even falling. Somehow he gets poorly dressed, and doesn't even try to tighten the straps around his legs correctly. His hair is a mess, his shirt is a mess, he’s drooling and he’s almost going to fall asleep again. But luckily, a blond passing trough sees his trouble.

"Need help?" [Name] slowly tilts his head and looks at him, trying to recognize him. Reiner can notice he is half-asleep still, and he can't stop a chuckle from seeing his sleepy state. "Damn, I think you are worse than Bertolt."

[Name] just stares a the blond kneeling and tightening his straps, "is as if... they don't want me to wake up,” he says in a whisper, yawning without care.

Blinking, Reiner stops his actions to understand what he means.  What he said came out of nowhere, and it was a couple of seconds what Reiner needed to understand. "They...?"

The [hair color] haired blinks, "I dreamed something important... but I forgot about it...”

[Name] stands up as he sees the blond finished, but Reiner can see his buttoned shirt is horribly done. "Here, you didn't button them right." The blond’s hands brushes against [Name]’s naked skin, making him flinch. The touch makes the taller teenager blush, but fortunately what happened before in training changed his semblance to change the topic, "ah, about what you said before..."

[Name] blinked, slightly tilting his head. "what?"

The blond blinks blankly, his mouth gaping. "In the forest, when we were doing our first practice with the gear," Reiner explains, "don't you remember?"

[Name] rubs his left eye without much care, "I didn't say anything— I just left...?"

"But you said—" He blinks, not fully believing him. But seeing [name]'s clueless expression makes him not say anything and leave things be, "...I guess I just imagined it, uh? It's nothing, then."

"If you say so." [Name] notices Reiner’s hands were frozen buttoning his shirt, and just stares at him curiously. “Are you alright?”

”Uh— yeah, sure. I was just...” he shows a grin, “trying not to lose my mind.”

”Uh?” [Name] takes Reiner’s left hand, seeing a small cut, “what’s this?”

The tall boy had to blink a couple of times to remember. ”Got a little trouble getting the hang of the gear. Nothing to worry about— or are you my cute nurse?” The blond tried to play it off— to try and have an embarrassing reaction out of [Name]. He expected the boy to yell at him or embarrass him— but what he got made him feel shy.

[Name] took his hand and kissed the small cut with his soft lips— as they were besides a window, the rays of the sun hit his gentle face, his hair... he seemed like a divinity— with those exotic eyes only Reiner could see with that spark, along with that kind smile; an expression so gentle Reiner thought [Name] never wore before.

”My mom told me kisses were a great medicine. Hope it works.” He rubs his hand gently, before letting go.

The taller teenager coughs, trying to hide his blush behind his hand. His eyes traveled around the barracks, being sure there were no prying eyes in their situation. “Well, well, I don’t have to worry anymore about my mistakes, then. I know where to go when I get injured.”

[Name] tilts his head. ”Did it work?”

”Of course it did— see? It seems to fade away.”

”[Name]!!!” Eren’s loud voice is heard coming near, but seeing the close proximity of the two stops with a suspicious glare, “ah? What’s up?”

”Reiner was helping me with my shirt— I’m too sleepy.” [Name] spoke with a big yawn, blinking lazily at his childhood friend.

The brunette frowns, not pleased by that answer. ”If you needed help why didn’t you tell me?!”

”I don’t know where you were. Reiner was nearer.” [Name] glared at Eren, who shut up seeing his harsh gaze. The blond clearly noticed the dominance, pretty surprised [Name] could have such effect on Eren. Reiner smirked.

”What’s this? Are you two together or something? Eren, you look like the clingy boyfriend in the relationship."

[Name] blinks, unsure of what he means. ”Together...?”

”Ah?! What’s with that?!” Eren blushed, clinching his fist, "that's none of your business, Reiner!"

"What? Man, I hoped after I helped you I would be given at least a little of gratitude."

"What if we are, uh?! Is that a problem!!!"

"Wow there, I didn't expect you to actually saying something like that," the blond laughs amused, “well, I can't say [Name] isn't cute, because he is." He plays with [Name]'s messy hair with a smirk, the other just watching the two with a confused stare.

"Hey! What are you getting at!?" The brunette frowns with the action— he didn't know why, but just seeing Reiner touching [Name] so carelessly touched a nerve.

[Name] dozed off, trying not to hear their voices anymore. The only thing he wants is to sleep— he doesn’t want to do anything else. Just thinking about another practice makes him whine. He misses his days with his mom.

Slowly and without the notice of the two, [Name] closed his eyes, still sitting on the bed awkwardly. His slow breathing and tiredness allows him to fall asleep so quickly, and it’s a miracle he sits still on the bed without falling.

”Come on– tell me! Has anybody ever kissed him?”

”Of course not!! Right, [Name]?!” Eren turns to get an answer, but his frown changes into confusion as he sees [Name]’s state. “[Name]?”

The blond catches his state too, noticing his sleeping state, “well, somebody will have to kiss the prince out of his curse.”

Eren glared at Reiner.

 ___________________

 ”I can fucking believe this— no way. Fuck Eren AND Reiner?! Really?!”

”Uh... Are you alright?” The freckled boy chuckles nervously, seeing his friend’s anger showing. "You seem... pretty angry...?"

Surprisingly, [Name] training hand in hand combat was much easier since the beginning. As his first practice with the ODM was a failure, plenty of his friends thought he wasn't that qualified at first. But Armin, Eren, Mikasa and Jean knew otherwise.

Unfortunately the way his new friends knew about it was with a good beating Reiner received.

"I'm going to be easy on you, [Name]. Does it sounds good?” Reiner smirked, passing the wooden knife to his hands. Seeing [Name]’s attitude and how lazy he was today, he decided to not be too harsh on him.

[Name] couldn’t care less about his kindness. He already liked this training — even if it didn’t even counted for their ranking, it wasn’t much trouble. Reiner could be bigger, but that didn’t matter. "If you are that considerate.”

When it came to fight, [Name] didn't even think how, he just did it. It was as if his body was being controlled by someone else— he just let his thought at ease and go with the flow. It was weird, but the boy often thought that was his older self waking up, if that made sense.

  Ṱ̴̨̱̙͖̠͖͙̣̲̫͂ͅXi̵̢̨̘͈̦͇͎͔͕̤̦͐̆͊ͅ!ş̴̖̰̩̯͋͛̓̀̂͌̑̂͒̇̕ ̷̛̮͓̙̹̪̮͎̈̋̆̐̿͑x$ë̵̢͎̻̞̬̣͔́̍̐̏͗͌͗̒̚͠͝ͅ ̶̡̟̺̍͐̊̈́̍̋̚ͅd̵͇̾͂͆͆́̔͊̏͋̉̌̒̚̕ę̵̛̰̲̣̋̍̽̔͆̽̋̑̆͌͘̕ͅs̶̥͈̈͑̇̐̔̓̚ẽ̷͚̄̋͊̌̊̅͝ͅr̵̳̙͔̳̅̏̓͒v̶̛̜̈e̵̳̹͍̽̄̒̈͌͌̓̋͑̄̃̔͆͊̀ş̶͔̤̹̬̽͋̾̒̂̇͑̈́ ̷͚̤͔̲͔̞͇͙̖̼̈̈̓ä̸̠̳̯́̆̈̊̓̏͒̔̈́̀́͗̉͝ ̸̧͙͍̫̖͍̖̖̟̖̺̰̞͕̅͂̌͐̋̾̇͐̃̽b̵̧̭͚̬̗͈̲͖̤͈̤͙̪͕̈́̔͊̑̀͝͠ͅe̴̞̫̫̾̍̐̊̈́͒̉̔̎̌͜͜͠͝ä̶̧̡̨͚͙͇̖̤̝͎̖̼̝͑͌͆̉̄͗͌ţ̵̢̛̣̣̗͉̜̤̦̼̼̯͌̆͐̃͋͐̽̃̄͂̈́̕̕͝ỉ̷̡̢̛͈͖̝̻͍͖̦͂̋̉̈́̆̿̄̚ṋ̶̺̤̮̬̫͔͖̏̽̃g̵̡̟̦͍̯̳̺͓͋̆̇̽̈́͠.̸̲̝̻̞̻̤̯̆̈́͂̈̔̀͒̍̆̈́͝ ̸̢̧̭̬̙̜̫̭͈̂̏̈͗̑͛̋̓̌͐̋̒͝L̷̡͖͗̓̇͐͊̓́̂͑͒̅̚̕͝e̴̺̻̮̞͐̇̈́̋̃̽͝t̸̨̥̩͚̟̊̑ ̷̡͕̰͉͎͎̝̠̹̳͕͇̓̎͊̏͠ͅḿ̸̢̲̫̺̙̀͑̑̔͆͐̿͋̃̋̂̈́̃̍ȩ̵̩͕̺̗̲̤̯͖̖̗̼͎̹̈̎ ̴͈̼͕̻̝͚͌͆̿̍̉͗̓͘͝ḧ̷͎̖͙̝́̅̃͗̓̂͜a̴̡̡̨͖̬̱̝̟̓́̌͐͛͛͝n̷̟̪̩͖̊̃d̸̡̡̻̘͎̰͍͈͌́̓̇̿̓̆̾̄̓̅͒̕ļ̷̨͙͇̮̩̮̆ͅę̸̧̡̰̟̭̺̙͙̹̞͚͉̈́̐́̚ͅ ̶̛͓̽̌̉̒̂̎̾͌̏̿̈͝i̵̡̫̳̭̟͚̰̖͔͠t̸̻͚̣̺͍̗̻͈̣̳͓̬̍̈͌̈́̈́̑̌̃̑͆̋͆́͝.̵̹͍̻̳̝͚̱͗̀̊̎̓̿͗͠

 The blond charged forward, trying to fake stabbing [Name] in the stomach without much plan. [Name] immediately hugged the arm with the knife, turning his back on Reiner and without much trouble throwing the blond’s body on the ground harshly. He took Reiner’s arm and placed his boot on his back, and just pulling a little he could hear the blond’s whimpers and defeat statements.

”Okay, okay! That’s what I get for being considerate?!”

”Yes,” he let go off his arm, helping him stand and dusting him off. “What if you take this more seriously from now?”

Reiner, who carefully looked at [Name], realized he did know about how to fight. Stretching, he smirked, feeling confident. “Alright then, I  guess I stop playing nice. But don’t cry and yell about getting a chance, uh?”

”I can say the same for you.” [Name] smirked.

Every time Reiner tried to attack [Name], it was a failure. The amnesiac never received damage— in fact, he noticed he reflected it, if that made sense. For example, Reiner tried to throw a punch, but [Name] always was a step ahead of him— he denied the hit by changing it’s direction with his wrist or his fist, not receiving the damage but evading it. It was the first time Reiner saw a technique like that.

Unfortunately for him, he got his ass kicked every round. [Name] didn’t seem to forget their promise about not giving chances, and even Reiner could say the lazy cadet was enjoying his defeat. [Name] didn’t even seemed to be tired after the many rounds they had, but maybe it was because Reiner was the one always getting his ass kicked.

 ______________

Armin watched in amazement, forgetting his own practice with Bertolt, "that's different when we were kids..."

The taller blinked, his eyes catching Reiner’s practice. The blond was face-planted on the ground, trying to get free from [Name]’s hold. "Uh? How so?"

The petite looks intently, choosing his words. "[Name] was... much harder before. But I guess that was because we were children and didn't know better," it was true— or maybe it was  because the victims of his attacks where Armin’s bullies, and [Name] hated them a lot, "even so, he doesn't look too much aggressive now."

"Harder...?" The taller can see [Name] is not holding back— or maybe Reiner is exaggerating? Nevertheless, [Name]’s technique looks clean and very defensive-like.

"Ah. He broke one's kid nose one time. Oh! and also, he made throw up another kid too and made him eat it.” Armin answered without trouble, not caring that much about how horrible that must have sounded.

Beetolt’s eyes widened, a little horrified by the brutality. [Name] didn’t look... as harsh as that. His past thoughts about imagining him as a kitten was now gone. He couldn’t properly imagine him in a scenario like that, but with Reiner easily being handled to the ground made him think it was possible. "Just... how much force did he have...?"

"A lot,” Armin chuckles a little, “Eren fought with him a lot and well... he can tell you how much it hurt, hehe..."

  ____________________

"W-Wait, [Name]! I surrender! I SURRENDER!"

"But this was just the beginning..." [Name] says with a pout, twisting Reiner's arm, "does it hurt?"

"Of course it does! I didn't think you would have this much force!”

"A kiss can make it better, if you want." He hugs the arm, rubbing his face on it while looking at Reiner with a twisted stare and a sick smile. The blonde can help but to gulp and blush by such hard look— he almost looked at him with playfulness. His eyes were so much different— Reiner felt he was looking at someone else. Now that he noticed, [Name]'s eyes had changed into a different color— but just as he was carefully looking at them [Name] blinked, as if he was waking from a daze. "Ah, sorry, Reiner," he lets go of the blond's arm, helping him stand with a much different manner.

”Did I hurt you?” [Name] asks, frowning as he passed a hand over his temples.

The blond blinks, trying to connect the dots of the unusual behavior. This was just like yesterday in the forest— that weird glint in his eyes... as if he wasn't [Name] no more. ”Uh, no, it’s fine.”

”Should I kiss it?”

Reiner laughs, trying to have fun, “now that I think about it... I think I got a bruise right here...” he points his cheek, and [Name] can see a scratch. Unbothered, [Name] pecks it, standing on his tiptoes. Reiner smirks, catching the glare both Jean and Eren gave in the distance.

The blond sees Annie passing with a bored look on her face trough the training grounds. [Name] waves at her with a ‘hi Annie’.

Reiner got an idea. “Annie! Good to see you again doing absolutely nothing!”

”Hmn? I see you want another round, Reiner.” Annie spoke with her cold voice, glaring at the taller as she got nearer.

”Not me! I heard [Name] saying he wanted to try you!” He places his hand on [Name]’s shoulders, making him closer to the girl as he hides behind him.

”...?” [Name] looks at him in confusion, knowing very well he didn’t say anything related to that.

”is that so?” The cold girl didn’t even waited for a confirmation— she just went straight to business. She had shifted in her fight stance.

Well, this didn’t sound so bad. [Name] blinked, hearing Reiner saying good luck as he left his side.

  F̸̛͔̰̕i̶̲͔̩̥͔̫̭̗̯̼̓́̒̿̓̊̿͗͘n̶̝̪̯̳̮̼̿̀̒͑̂̔̕͜ͅa̷̫͒́͑̌̈͘̕͝l̷̤̽̉̈́͗̽̄̔̍͘l̸̛͈̍̎͆̽̏͊̎̓̚͘͠y̸̢̼͙̜̠̬̘̘̟̲̮̫̟͍̏̇͋̔͂̀͐̏͆͒̐̊͐͝ ̶̛̳͓̩̱͒͊̉̊̉̿̾͆̾̍̌͝s̴̺̳̻͍̮͈̈́͘͜ȯ̷̧̠̹̝̩͍̹́m̵̢̯̱͍̬̰̘͕̝̆̽̾̓͑̔̕͝ě̶̖͔̘̙̙̾͐̕͜͝o̸̢͉̾̈̅̌̈́́́͋̏̓̿̂̂͗͠n̵̡̡̙̪͇̲͕̙̖̩̯͓̳̘̬̈̍̑̂e̷̡̛̼̹͚̼͕͉̪͆͂̊͊̆̈́̇̈̓̾̌͋̐̕ ̸̢͚̤͙̳͈̌̃̓̍̈́̏̀̏̀̎̋͗͜͝ͅc̶̢̺͚͚̗͔̤̓͂̾͊̒̀̈̐́å̴̡̢̲̫̥͙͕͎̫̯̬̰̱͚͛̊̊̎̔̃̔p̸̛̣̝͉̞̤̙̫̪͔̺͖̤̳̭̔͐̿̓͌͐̐̾̍̃̚ͅá̷̝͎̻̄b̸̛͉͉̼͖̰͊̚ḷ̵̨̮̹̝̈̑͑͗͐̑̚ě̶̡̨̨̙͍͉͇͎͚̞̗̹̀̅̋͂͊͜.̵̡̦͚̠͖́͋̊̇͛́̏͊͜

 [Name] shifted in his own, carefully looking at her. It somehow was clear to him she went all way in— her stance gave it away.

How come I know that?

The blonde girl moved first, lifting her leg to kick him. [Name] backed away quickly, missing the attack by inches. He doesn’t have to wait for the upcoming move— Annie throws a punch, [Name] deflects it with his wrist, switching the hit’s target. Seeing the opportunity, she quickly takes his elbow and harshly pushes the side of his face. [Name] knows her next move, and as just as he’s falling by the kick, he supports himself with his arm and gives a kick at the side of her ankles, making her almost trip. That’s enough time to allow him stand up again.

Annie returned to her stance, and just as in the beginning, tried to kick him— but this time [Name] saw it as an opening. This time he didn’t need to back off— he lowered his body just under her leg just in time, at the same time he threw a kick at the side of her knee. The attack had forced her to fall, by the surprise of everyone and her’s included. 

Watching her first was a good choice. That kick had to be timed right seeing Annie’s speed— one second less and his head would have been in a much worse state. [Name] couldn't explain his own reflexes and instincts guiding him— but it paid off nevertheless.

Something changed. Annie thoughts.

[Name]? throws the forgotten knife, stabbing it at the side of her head in the ground. There’s a cryptic glint on [Name]’s? eyes, along with a playful smile. He speaks in a different tone, clearly enjoying his victory. “You are dead.”

Annie gets up with a glare specially for him. Taking the knife, the cold girl tries to get her arms around his neck to make him fall, but [Name]? gets his arms under her to push her, effectively throwing her back. She doesn’t fall, but gets more aggressive in her attempts. She gives another quick kick, but [Name]? ducks and throws another kick against her leg, making her fall much harder onto the ground this time. He has a grin on his face, “twice.”

It’s clear Annie is irritated about his playful behavior— why is he smiling like that? Nevertheless about it, the blonde can actually say this was a nice fight for once. 

She sees how [Name] places a hand on his temples, rubbing them with his eyes tightly shut. Annie carefully looks at him as she stands up, dusting herself off. The amnesiac slowly opens his eyes, looking at her with much different eyes.

”Hope we can do it another time,” His voice is different, she notices. Narrowing her cold eyes, she can tell something is different about him— the near description she could tell was as if he became someone else entirely.

 She looks at [Name] then at Reiner, who was looking at the whole fight with careful eyes. She changes her gaze at [Name] again, shrugging her shoulders, “sure.”

Before she could leave tough, Annie turns to Reiner, ”Now, Reiner, I heard [Name] say you wanted another round.”

The blond instantly freezes in fright, not wanting to relieve that defeat. ”What?! That’s a lie!”

”[Name] doesn’t tell lies.”

Reiner was once again getting his ass kicked. [Name] couldn’t hold his laughter by seeing such absurd posture.

 ”What the hell is everyone doing?! Get back to training!” The instructor shouted, “change partners now that you are at it!”

 Neither of [Name] nor Jean took attention when they exchanged partners— just as they saw each other was when things got awkward.

”Hi, Jean,” [Name] was unsure on how to approach— he wasn’t good at fixing things. Even worse when he didn’t know what he  did wrong.

”...Hey,” Jean responded with a sigh, playing with the wooden knife. His face showed everything he was feeling— it was awkward, even more with the silence behind them.

Neither did anything else but evade seeing each other, but the amnesiac boy didn't want things to go like this. If he didn't know what he did wrong, then the only thing he could do was ask. Jean was angry for something he did— he realized that.

With a soft and curious tone, [name] looking at Jean a little timid, "did I do something wrong yesterday?"

He noticed Jean tightened his grip on the knife. Sighed exasperatedly, Jean still didn't look at him as he would wanted, but at least [name] got a motive of his anger. ”You can’t just... kiss everybody like nothing happens!”

So that was the problem? [Name]'s shyness went away when hearing such... motive. In fact, he was a little irritated by the reason. ”Why not?”

”Because—“ because what? It was wrong viewed? People would call him names? Would they think something else? Why was it wrong? He knew [Name] and him didn't had the same thoughts or opinions of things, but [name] should know kissing everybody wasn't something he should be doing. “Because a kiss means a lot to people— you can’t kiss everybody as a ‘friend’— that's not how it works.”

[Name] tilts his head. ”How come a kiss has one meaning?”

”Don’t get philosophical with me,” Jean said with a frown, “if you keep kissing everyone in public people will look at you being a weirdo, so don’t.”

”A weirdo...? But neither Reiner nor Eren tell me it’s weird...” He places his finger on his lips, wondering.

Sighing exasperated, Jean’s left eye twitched in annoyance by such statement, “because they are some dumbasses that—“ he stops himself there, “—they are weirdos, specially Eren.”

”How come?”

”He just is!”

“But Jean, no one has told me they don't like it. What do you mean?”

”That’s why I’m telling you before they do!” he rubs his temples, "they could be thinking for more, jeez!"

”Me kissing you makes you angry...?” [Name] unconsciously touched his lips, a frown showing.

Jean's confidence flatters, getting taken aback from the question. ”Yes— No— I mean—!” He sighed, “I don’t hate them. I...” he looks at the side,  blushing, “like them, okay?!” It's not that he hated them— he secretly loved them, but it was a thought nobody would know about. He could have [name] know, but since he didn't feel the same thing Jean felt for him, that was out of the question.

”Then why do you punch me away?”

“I told you– the others can see and look at us weird!”

”Do you care that much about what others think...?” [Name] wondered. He didn’t think about others opinions about him or what he did— he just... did everything he wanted without much thought. Was it wrong? Nothing had happened to him so far...

“It’s not that— ugh...” he sighs, “you are too careless. I’m telling you this right now: not everyone deserves to be kissed. You don’t know who is a weirdo. Imagine if someone took advantage of you by asking for more!"

”Advantage...”

”Exactly. You don’t know when somebody will ask you more than a kiss, and I cannot let that happen.”

“Is asking for more that bad?”

Jean blushed a little. Did [Name] really know nothing about this topic? Was he this clueless? Beatrice had to explain at least something about this— the woman should’ve, right? He was a teenager, for godsake! And teenagers are always thinking about the same stuff at least once in their short lives! Didn’t [Name] ever think about that type of stuff...?

"[Name], you know... when we talked about that..!"

"Oh, that. That when you talk about it your face goes red. That kind of conversation, that," [name] tilted his head, "...I don't think much about it."

"O-Okay! How else I should react anyways?! Ugh—! Just-- you know what to do when you don't want to do something like that, do you? If you mistake other's people purpose—!"

"I know. I punch them in the face-- but I only kiss people I like, Jean. Like you," he stared in gentleness at Jean, who only blurred words came out of his mouth, red creeping his face by the sudden declarations. But before he could answer, Shadis approached menacingly, shouting at them with a dead glare.”What the hell are you two doing?! You are standing there like idiots! Get back into training before I make you clean the entire place!”

”Y—Yes sir!”

_____________

Eren didn’t look pleased when he told him he was going to sit with Jean and Marco. The brunette gave away his displeasure with a frown, speaking with an irritated tone to him. To not make things worse, Armin, as being the sweetheart he was, smiled at him and told him to not worry about it that much. Just for that he won a kiss on the nose, making Eren yell why he didn’t receive one.

Already at Jean’s table, everything was going smoothly. But, for some strange reason, Jean spoke so loudly out of nowhere— It was an evident change to [Name]’s ears, making the boy narrow his eyes at him in suspicion.

”By manipulating your inertia like that, you’ll be able to spend less gas than usual,” he bragged to Marco, moving his hands while he talked.

”You make it sound easy...”

”Well, I don’t think that’s something everyone can do, you know?” [Name] notices Jean glances at Eren’s table, and it’s then that the boy can understand Jean’s purpose, “tough there’s nothing to lose if you keep that in mind. Especially if you want to enlist to the Military Police.”

Marco smiles dreamily, “it would be nice if I could... There’s no greater honor than to be able to work under the king, don’t you think so, [Name]?”

To [Name], the king was a faceless man he couldn’t care less about— unfortunately, Beatrice had told him to mind his mouth when talking about the powerful man around other people. The amnesiac boy couldn’t understand Marco’s dream to work under such a man who tried to cage all of them for eternity, but what he could understand from his books about royalty novels was that working and protecting a good king who cared about his people was a great honor. And this king had none.

”Not really.” He answered quietly, taking a sip from his drink.

”Don’t lie and say what you really think, Marco,” Jean said, carelessly pushing Marco’s cup against him, making it spill on Marco’s face and shirt, “you just want to enlist so you can live an easy and powerful life inside the inner walls.” He smiled devilish at him, and [Name] couldn’t stop thinking how crazy he could look sometimes.

”T-That’s not true! I—“ before Marco could finish, Eren’s voice interrupted Jean’s little show.

”It’s pleasant within the inner walls? Five years ago, this was also part of the inner area.”

While the two discussed whatever monologue they had in mind, the [hair color] haired turned to his freckled friend. “Be careful where you point at,” [Name] spoke to Jean in an angry tone, gently grabbing Marco’s chin as he cleaned his face with a napkin. The act made the freckled boy blush, “you got some on your clothes...”

”U–Uhm! Thank you, [Name]!” Marco stuttered, not expecting such caring action. Such caring made him felt warm in his chest, and gulped a little seeing how close [Name] was from his face. Were his eyes this pretty...? Marco! What are you thinking!

For some reason [Name] didn’t think much about what he did— he left a peck on Marco’s nose without care, “I saw the cup hit you pretty hard. Your nose is red.”

The freckled boy immediately covered his nose, clearly embarrassed by the unusual action, “I–It’s better now! Thank you!”

As the two smiled at each other, Eren’s yell took their attention from each other to him. The two had already stood up for a fight, evident by their angry expressions and hostile actions towards each other.

”You piece of garbage!”

”Just face reality!”

Both of them took each others’ shirt, and [Name] couldn’t stop himself to look disappointed at such behavior— he thought Eren grew up from such anger, but it did seem little had changed. Did we look that foolish back then? They certainly look like that...

For some reason Eren glanced his way, noticing such discouraging eyes staring at him in disappointment. That made his stomach revolt uncomfortably, not liking one a bit seeing that towards him.  He had to show [Name] he wasn’t the same brat as before— he was much matured since then. The brunette exhaled, trying to cool off as he let go of Jean’s shirt.

Of course, Jean noticed where his eyes wandered to— and he couldn’t feel more furious than before. What? Was he trying to show off he could control himself for [Name]? Fuck that. He was even more annoyed when he noticed [Name] blinking in surprise by such ‘control’, looking relieved. Jean didn’t fall for such act.

Taking Eren’s shirt even more harshly, he yelled at him, “don’t screw with me, you bastard!”

”Ah?! Hey, let go! You’ll tear my shirt, you dumbass!”

”Who gives a damn about your clothes! I’m so jealous!”

”What the hell are you talking about?!” It seemed Eren wanted to keep yelling at him, but he stopped himself from doing so. Instead, he quickly placed a hand on Jean’s face, took his fore arm and kicked the back of his legs.

[Name] frowned as he saw Jean fall onto the hard ground, but thankfully he didn’t seem to hurt his head that bad. Nevertheless, he wanted to make sure he was okay, but he wanted to give them the space of whatever they were doing. Eren seemed to make a point of his surprise attack, and so the amnesiac just observed in worry as he stood quickly.

He saw Jean sit, rubbing the back of his head. As he yelled for an explanation of such action, surely receiving a response from Eren.

[Name] was preoccupied of Jean’s state, but as Marco could see his worry he tried to calm him down with taking his hand, “[Name], I’m sure Jean is alright— it did seem like a bad fall, but I don’t think it’s too serious.” He smiled.

”It did sound pretty loud...” he frowned, squeezing Marco’s hand as he saw his friend. The freckled boy blushed a little by the action, smiling nervously at himself. “They are both idiots, uh?”

As [Name] wanted to see any damage, Marco yanked him to his seat, bumping into him a little as everyone saw the door open just a crack to see the scary face of Shadis looking at them with anger? It was hard to say, but it looked like a demon was staring at them in the depths of the dark.

”I heard a loud noise now. Care to explain what it was?” He spoke with a deep voice, staring deadly at everyone. Of course, nobody answered until Mikasa broke the silence,

“Sasha farted, sir.”

”UH?!” The unlucky girl widened her eyes in confusion and embarrassment.

”So it was you again,” the instructor covered his nose, “learn some modesty,” he spoke before leaving.

[name] couldn’t stop a chuckle from coming out. It was pretty quiet and soft— in fact, Marco was the only one who noticed it. His face reddened, staring at [Name] with timid eyes. It was the first time he had laughed like this, after all. [Name] was a serene individual, so any other reaction than his serious stare was well welcomed.

Marco didn’t notice he had his arm around [Name]’s waist, but it was when his friend wanted to move when he returned to reality. Feeling embarrassed even more, the freckled boy apologized many times and quickly moved his arm.

[name] blinked, not sure what was happening. Thankfully, Jean was returning to their table with annoyance plastered all over his face. [Name] stood up, now it was a good time to ask him how he was, “Where did you get hurt?”

”It’s nothing. That jackass all there trying to look cool, damn...” he rubbed the back of his head, “fucking embarrassing...”

The amnesiac boy could see his irritation— he could understand it. Being throw like that in front of everyone was upsetting, but Jean got out of control for some strange reason. Sighing, [Name] stood on his tip toes and kissed Jean’s head with caring, “that was a bad fall.”

The action only made Jean more embarrassed than he already was. ”Hnshsksjs! What did I told you about giving kisses like this?!” Jean whispered harshly, looking everywhere to see the smirks and mocking faces some did as they saw the curious interaction.  He blushed in embarrassment, “Goddammit [Name]—!”

Blinking, the amnesiac tilted his head and pouted, taking some steps backwards. ”Sorry, I forgot. Are you mad?”

Jean saw the wory fave [Name] was making, instantly changing his own anger to a simple frown. Was he being too harsh? The leqst he wanted to was to put distance between their friendship. He sighed exasperated, “no, I’m not. I’m not mad, okay?! So stop looking at me like that.” He rubbed his face, “anyways, are you sleeping with that suicidal maniac or what?”

”Suicidal...? Eren?” He blinks, amused by such nickname, “I don’t think so. Why?”

”B—Because—“ because I want to. He wanted to say, but no words came out. Jean gritted his teeth, rubbing his neck in shyness. Why he couldn’t ask him like a normal question?

Oh, of course. Because he was asking the person he likes— not just an ordinary person.

Fortunately [Name] understood the silence. “Do you want me to be with you?” He whispered gently, aware of Jean’s embarrassment towards his actions.

The taller didn’t see [Name] straight in the eye. His eyes stare at the wall, while he nodded slowly, flustered. If Eren was all mighty sleeping with him, then why the hell he couldn’t? I have the same RIGHT!!! 

“Then can we go now? I’m pretty tired,” [Name] yawned, passing a hand trough his face. Today was a good day— but it was still tiring. He just wanted to get to bed and sleep all day. “In fact, I’m leaving whether you want or not.” He stated, already walking away.

”W—Wait! You can bump into doors if you walk with your eyes closed!!” Marco yelled worriedly, already knowing [Name]’s sleepy behavior by now. 

“You are such a dummy,” Jean says, walking calmly while Marco hurries to help [Name].

“I can tell your fights with Eren will be for long.” [Name] places his arm under the side of his face, blinking lazily at Jean. The two boys laid on Jean's bed, looking at each other as they talked. The lights were already turned off, but many others still talked under the darkness. 

Jean grits his teeth. “It’s not my fault he’s such an idiot trying to act all brave and shit. He just tries so badly to be seen as cool, the fucking maniac.”

[Name] blinks. “Fucking.”

Jean blinks, a mixture of surprise and embarrassment by hearing his friend cursing, ”...why did you say it?”

”You said it. Fucking. Fuck. Shit. Cu—“

Hastily covering his mouth with his hand, Jean sighs exasperated, “don’t say all of them, geez! What are you trying to say?!”

[Name] chuckles, “you have a bad mouth. These words are not on many books I’ve read— oh, I forgot suck my co—“

He covers it again with more force this time, “shut the hell up!” Jean whispers angrily, “you are such an idiot when you want to!”

[Name] takes Jean’s hand, placing it on their dad as he interlaced their fingers. “Just showing you how childish you look.”

”I don’t care. I bet he was the one making you believe on that crazy dream he has.” In fact, hearing Eren’s ideals and dreams did made him realize he was the one at fault to make [Name] join the Survey Corps. There wasn’t anything else, since both of them had been together for quite some time. No wonder that blond boy and the pretty girl wanted to join with him. “Fucking hell. Doesn’t he know other people will believe his bullshit?”

”It’s not bullshit,” [Name] speaks, “if he dreams about it, it’s not impossible. You dream to join the Military Police, even when we are more than 100 soldiers here.”

”That’s different— I want to be in top ten, not to eliminate all titans. That will never happen— if that hasn’t happen before, after 100 years, what will he change when he graduates? Fucking nothing.” Jean couldn't believe [Name] actually had faith in such a fever dream— exterminate all titans? If the Survey Corps have been active for years and hadn't got a single clue of what titans were and where they came from, how would someone like Eren do the job? It was impossible.

[Name] sighs, not happy to hear such pessimism. He believed in Eren— things could be changed. He... just did. 

  I͛̄́ͣ͆ͨͫ͏̬̜͇!̱̪̯͖͚̒͒̆̔͊̎ͩ̚͘͠ ̮͍̹̪̻̝̤ͫͨͪ̓0̨̊̓ͬ̄̆ͨ҉͖̞̱̼̭͉̘ͅͅn̎ͩ͐ͣ̋҉̪͖̲͖̕x͋̌̑ͧ͢͏̳͕̘̣̰̠̞x͊ͧ͊҉̹͍̱ͅͅỹ̺̮̮̜͈͈̎̍ ͎̰͇̲̺ͧ͛̍̕͝/̺̩̻͍͕͗͛̊͑̂̍͟ö̡̠̭̻̪ͤ̆ͬͮ͐̏̓ͅu̜͇̻͖͕̹̦̤̽̊̉ͫ͞ ̩̊ͧ̓̾ͬ̄̅̚͞k̷̟̝̙̗͖͓̯ͫ͆͠n̨̮̞̪̗̣͒̿̃͘͡#̡̻̯̦̩̤̪̙͓̑ͪ͊!̦̖͚̖̖͖͙̹̱̽ͯ͛̕͢͝x̝̹̥̹̤̣̝̋̂̑̿͐ͪ̌ ̦͖̟̣̤͐͑̑̽̅̒ͤ̈̕x̮̱̣̞̳̖̟͆͂ͬ̊ͩͨ̅ͭx̸̺͈̩̲͇̞ͨ̄̓́͆̅̚͡x̶̫̜̘̥͇̱͕̘ͭͥ͂͊̌͊ͅx͔̲̽͋̓ͤ̿̽͊͟͡ ͔̬̲͚̉ͯ̃͗w̧̟̪͌ͮ͒͠͞i̸͓̰ͬ̔̾̐ͫ̀́͑l̵̲̗̘̯͙͈̀͒̽̈́͐̑ͭͮ͞ͅl̬͍̈́͌ͫ̆̏͝ ̦̳̥̼̹̹̎̄͌͢h̿̊̐̒͏̫̼͎͇͍ͅ!̩̼͙̮͙̠̹͒̔̐ͦ̅#̨̦̙̞̞̞̖̞ͪͤ̾ͧͫ̾ͭ̑p͍̞̼͈̖͎ͩ̿̉̃͂͜$̩ͧ͟͠x͇̜̫ͮ̔̇͝ņͥ҉͇̝̲̼̬̟͈ͅ.̭̱̔͗ͧ͟͠

 “And you joining after him... what the hell are you thinking?” Jean spoke more to himself than to [Name], frowning. Even after knowing for some time he would join the Survey Corps, Jean still couldn't grasp that absurd idea.

[Name] leaves a kiss on Jean’s cheek, staring at him when he breaks it, “you don’t have to worry that much.”

”Easy for you to say,” he sighs, “aren’t you... upset?”

He blinks. ”For what?”

”Thinking about when we graduate. I feel I’m the one only suffering here, you heartless dummy.” Jean grits his teeth.

He did felt sadness— not being with his friends anymore made him felt... a little scared. “...I get upset.”

Jean bits his lip, averting his gaze, looking like a pouting child. ”Doesn’t look like it.”

[Name] places his arms around Jean, while the taller guy instantly wraps his arms around [Name]’s form. The amnesiac boy rests his head on Jean’s chest, smelling him and hearing his heartbeat. Jean blushes, biting his lower lip. Secretly smelling [Name]’s hair, the boy closes his eyes while enjoying the sweet scent, calming himself a little.

“I get sad thinking about how we won’t see each other again after that. I care a lot about you, Jean. Times like these are to be treasured while we can, don't you think?"

Jean blushes, narrowing his eyes in sadness. He didn’t want to let go ever— he wanted this night to be forever. Why was [Name] this stubborn? Why he couldn’t go with him inside the walls? With him? He understood his reason to go to the Survey Corps, but he had to understand nothing good would come out of it. He should be to the Military Police with him.

”There’s still time to change your mind.”

”I can say the same to you.”

Jean sighs, “why are you this stubborn?”

[Name] can sense Jean is upset. He moves his head to look at Jean, who only stares at him curiously. The amnesiac boy closes the gate between them, placing a soft kiss on Jean’s lips. The taller boy really didn’t expect such action, as [Name] felt his grip around him tightening, hugging him closer as he reciprocate the gentle kiss. He didn’t want to finish it, but eventually they did. 

While Jean’s face was as red as a tomato, [Name]’s remained the same, but a small tint of red decorated his face. 

WhatthehellWhatthehellWhatthehellWhatthehell—

”Everything will turn out alright,” he spoke with a small smile, “let’s make a promise.”

[Name] showed his pinky, “no matter what happens, we will see each other."

Jean doesn't want to do that promise— if he does, then [Name] going somewhere he can't follow will become real. He doesn't want to. But then seeing that smile just for him... [Name] always kept his promises— they were serious stuff to him, specially pinky promises for some reason.

"If you do a pinky promise and you broke it, you had to swallow 1000 needles. I read that in a book!"

[Name] still had so much to learn, but everything he read he believed it. He could be such an idiot sometimes... Jean didn't want to stop seeing that smile, hearing whatever he wanted to explain to him about what he learned. Was that fate? Everyone going to their own paths was inevitable since the beginning, and Jean was fooled to believe he could change [Name]'s mind and go with him.

Reluctantly, Jean made the promise. Locking his pinky with [Name]'s, both of them confirming vowing. Jean knew that was such an embarrassing thing to do, but being under the darkness where everyone were in their own business made him able to do it. And also, if he didn't vow then the promise wouldn't be serious, and [Name] wouldn't like that one a bit.

Such a childish cute guy. And dumb.

[Name] smiled once more, hugging Jean closer. He murmured something Jean didn't hear, but he guessed he wanted to sleep finally. 

Jean hugs him closer, frowning. He grits his teeth, resting his cheek on [Name]’s head. What will I do when you are not there? What then?

this is the most beautiful thing i ever seen in my life