I Love Your Work Sm 😭 Your Writing Style Is One Of My Absolute Favorites!

hey, i hope ur doing ok :) i was wondering, r ur stories discontinued or r u still on hiatus? <3<3

hello!

none of my stories are discontinued unless stated otherwise! i know i don't update for months and months... but i still write or i try to write everyday at least one sentence, or just a few words to both of my stories and many others ;v; i don't want to say i'm in hiatus, but i really don't have time for anything these past few months and it has been pretty stressful. yet i really want to update so i try to get chapters done very slowly,,,, ;_;

if i do cancel/discontinue my stories, i will post an announcement saying so (: hopefully that won't happen LOL.

and yes, i'm doing ok! thank you very much. hope all of u are doing good and everything is going well! hopefully i can post something this month or the next................... hopefully orz.

Reiss Mental Asylum / １１

【 shingeki no kyojin / mental asylum – alternative universe, modern setting 】 『male!yandere!various x male!prettyboy!reader』 summary: Finally! You have been given an opportunity to work at Reiss Mental Asylum- your job hunting hasn’t been great, so to hear you got an opportunity made you excited. At the beginning everything seems normal- but without noticing, some people began to get obsessed with you. warnings/tags: DARK/HEAVY THEMES. Non-consensual themes; sexual assault, touching, drug use, rape attempt. Home invasion, yanderes, obsessive behavior, murder, blood, explicit content, sexual thoughts. masterlist

11. dangerous

“Wouldn’t it be weird? I mean— being watched is awkward enough…” The assistant frowned, unsure about the task. 

“We’ll have our table not that far away from them.” Mike knew [Name] would be really persistent with these subjects— he was too positive, too kind. That could develop a bigger problem in the future if they allowed it, and the taller man could already smell the trouble ahead.

He had to protect him before something happened.

“But still… wouldn’t be better to socialize?”

“That would be problematic. You know how that could end, [Name].”

“Well—” He tried to object, but remembering all of the closeness he got with some of them came to his mind, shutting his hopes out. “I guess…” He wanted to rehabilitate them, help them reintegrate to society. Wasn’t this the point of their job here? The assistant let out a defeated sigh at these thoughts.

“Hey,” Mike gently ruffled his hair to take his attention and comfort him, showing a small smile, “small steps.” [Name] blinked and relaxed his shoulders, nodding with his head and smiled. That was true— he can't just solve everything in a few weeks! After all, the sessions with the patients were just starting. There was plenty of time ahead!

The cafeteria was the next place they had to be— it was pretty simple, just watch and observe the patients. If they were lucky, no need to sedate them would be needed, if they behaved. Only the patients with good behavior lately were allowed in the cafeteria, but that didn't mean one of them couldn’t control themselves and cause an scene. Mike told him not to worry too much— the blond explained he could smell patients’ changes. [Name] just blinked at that statement.

The doors were already open wide. Plenty of patients were chatting, others didn’t. The table where doctors were was noticeable— their white coats and clipboards gave it away, along with the harsh gaze they wore. The two headed that way, not before [Name] saying a cheerful ‘good morning!’ to the patients he passed, receiving some weird looks from them, but with his’ patients they almost got hearts in their eyes (only Armin and Bertholdt, tho). The others smirked, eyeing him from head to toe.

Most of his patients were already there. After all, the bell had already been heard and lateness wasn't allowed. (Un)fortunately, one certain patient was missing— Eren Jaeger. Mike had explained the little ruckus he had done had cost him his permission to go into the cafeteria for the mean time. [Name] didn’t know if to feel relief or not.

By [Name] surprise, Vincent was there too— but not at the doctors’ table. He was standing in a corner along with other guards. They met eyes, and [Name]’s cheeks blushed a little. He smiled and waved, receiving a handsome grin and a wink from the guard.

As expected, everyone saw the small interaction— some with frowns on their faces. Specially Armin, Bertholdt and Connie. The three narrowed eyes at the guard, suspicious by the evident flirting.

“[Name]!!! Here!!!” A joyful familiar voice could be heard. [Name] turned to see Hanji waving her hand enthusiastically with a big grin on her face. She was at the doctors’ table too, and as the assistant could see, some doctors just looked at her in irritation and others tried to ignore her.

[Name] chuckled a little, sitting down along with Mike. Zeke and Levi were there too, with their usual frowns. For some reason the short man appeared angrier than usual. The assistant greeted everyone, waving shyly.

  And at the other table...

“Ah?! Did you see that guard just now?” Connie irritably spoke, frowning at the guard as he gritted his teeth.

The small blond’s eyes were locked on the stoic guard— his lifeless blue eyes observed every bit of him, as if he wanted him dead.

Bertholdt looked angry. He recognized who he was— the memory made him clench his jaw tightly.

Jean grinned, seeing the upset reactions of some. “Seems pretty boy has some competition behind.”

“Even you, Bert? Unbelievable,” Reiner interjected, crossing his arms. He smirked, “but I can’t deny he has a nice ass.” His compliment gained a laugh from Jean and some glares from the other three.

“Reiner!” Bertholdt exclaimed, frowning at his friend. The blond just grinned devilish.

“What? It’s the truth.”

The smaller blond grunts, “anyways, why isn’t Eren here?” He tried to look for his friend, but he couldn't find him anywhere. Usually he would stay with him.

“You don’t know, Armin?” The blond boy shakes his head, curious and confused, “I heard from other guards he was into a fight with [Name].” Jean answers nonchalantly, glancing at the assistant, who was chatting with the doctors.

“Uh?!” Not only just Armin reacted, but everyone on the table did. Reiner looked at Jean with interest in the situation, as he saw Bertholdt, Connie and Armin widening their eyes by such statement, changing their focus on Jean again.

“Yup. I heard he went physical,” Jean crosses his arms, deep in thought. “So that’s why [Name] acted nervous when hearing his name the other day...”

The small blond’s eyes widened in shock— Eren knew he loves [Name]. Armin have made that clear long before his friend had met the assistant. So why did he do something so stupid? Just the thought of him putting his hands on [Name] angered him— so the unusual mark he noticed was a bruise. A mark on his precious [Name]. A painful mark. What was Eren thinking? How could he?

Connie looked irritated and annoyed, to say at least. The assistant had made him interested in someone in a long time, if ever. Hearing that Eren was going nuts over this delicate man only made him think of him moving institutions or just Eren breaking him in the end like the others. If [Name] disappeared, then who will hear his greatness? The toy should get take care of if he didn't want that outcome.

Bertolt felt furious. His beautiful [Name], attacked by a beast like him? No way— he wouldn’t allow that happening again. How could he dare do that? And for what reason? Angel wasn’t someone evil like the others once were— he was gentle, kind and smelled nice. If something happened to him, Bertolt couldn’t know how would he react. That won’t happen!

"I guess we won't see him for some time. Maybe a week,” Jean crosses his arms, “if he’s lucky he doesn’t have to go to that place.”

“Who knows, seeing how kitten has some people around his finger...” The buff blonde spoke, eyeing the doctor's table. At first glance it wasn't noticeable, but he could see how intently were some workers watching him. So this was the game everyone was playing: alright, Reiner could play it too. He was lucky enough to get the pretty assistant on his sessions— just thinking of having him under him turned him on. He chuckled darkly, wondering. 

Jean eyed everyone in secret, taking note of their expressions. Holding his laughter, Jean could only think how unlucky [Name] was for being in this disgusting place and attracting their attention. A deep part of his mind told him he wouldn’t last much being involved with these people. It would be really a shame to kill someone as cute as him— if that happened, he had to benefit himself before.

“We’ll see.”

  Vincent could only guess what was happening in that table— seeing their sinister smiles as their gazes were locked onto the doctor's table worried him.

back at the doctors' table...

“Anyways, did you had fun in your date?” Levi bitterly asked, narrowing his eye as he drank his tea. The two particular men instantly froze, looking confusedly at the ravenette by hearing such... ridiculous thing. [Name]? Dating? Who? Why?

At the mention of it, [Name] blushed a little, smiling. “Y–You shouldn’t say it out loud...”

"Woaaah! [Name] had a date?!" Hanji grinned, watching carefully the scene before her. “Look at this big boy!”

“Date? With who?” Zeke forcefully asked, holding his anger and jealously. His grip on his cup tightened as he tried to play it off, but obviously with irritation showing.

Mike just observed in silence, not that pleased of the new information.

“U—Uhm, well...” he played with his fingers, “with Vincent...”

Zeke’s eye twitched. “Who is Vincent?”

“H—He’s a guard!”

“The one you waved at earlier?” Mike asked, receiving a nod. 

Now it was turn to the three workers to glare at the poor guard, who did feel the amount of glares he was given just in a few minutes. Vincent gulped, his left eye twitching slightly. His partner, who was not that far away, raised an eyebrow in amusement by the situation he was in. I told you, dumbass.

Zeke narrowed his eyes, tapping his cup with his finger impatiently, "you know romantic relationships with workers is against the norms, do you?"

Pretty hypocritical, wasn't it?

"I mean, it wasn't as a lovers date! W-We are just friends, hehe!" [Name] tried to reason, shaking his head hastily.

“And what about your neighbor?” Levi spoke, trying to sound as casual as he could. In reality, something inside him turned and shifted uncomfortably.

NEIGHBOR?!

Zeke wasn’t happy by what he was hearing. Really? Two filthy men he didn’t know? Now not only he had to take care of the damn people working inside this shithole, but he had to somehow know about [Name] private life? Just how many people were trying to get their filthy hands on him?

“He cancelled! He said his job was going to take all of his free time for some time. Also, he could go to a business trip next week. It’s a shame... I was looking forward to it.” [Name] frowned. I wasn’t the only reason he was upset— he felt secure when Porco was in his apartment. The [hair color] haired didn’t like being lonely at all in the night, and when his neighbor went into business trips his sleeping schedule wasn’t right. He could get easily scared sometimes, specially before going to sleep. There were times were Porco called him in the night, trying to not let him feel that alone. [Name] asked him to keep talking until he fall asleep— such a  childish behavior, but in the end his neighbor complied.

“Ha! Seems our [Name] here is a heart taker!” Hanji exclaims, grabbing [Name]’s cheeks hard, making the assistant yelp. “Such a cutie!!! Who can resist him?! Look at him!!”

Rubbing his temples, Zeke sighs in exasperation. “Hanji, can you please leave my assistant before you tear his pretty face apart?” The comment made Levi raise an eyebrow, while [Name] blushed. Mike stayed in silence, his expression not showing any emotion.

Letting go of [Name]’s face, Hanji clapped her hands and grinned. “So! Finally we are all together so I can tell you about my dears!” Everyone sighed as they heard Hanji begin to talk about her patients, a topic nobody wanted to hear. All of the people present knew about her stories about them, and this woman could keep going on and on until their shift was over.

Before they could prevent it, [Name] asked who they were— big mistake. It was Hanji's opportunity to take this poor soul into her dark and twisted stories about their 'experiments'. [Name] didn't like that term at all— he wondered if the woman really saw them as objects, but hearing her calling them 'babies' and 'dearies' troubled him. Is she... okay?

The small talk turned out to be a much extended one that wasn't even finished when lunch time ended. [Name] thanked she wasn't her assistant, or thanked Zeke wasn't the mad scientist persona.

"Unfortunately I won't be with you today, [Name]. I have some other things to take care of, but don't take my absence like an opportunity to do whatever you want and get into trouble."

"O-Of course not, Zeke! I won’t get into any trouble!!”

The doctor stood up from his seat, ruffling his assistant's hair without care. "Good, because there's punishment."

[Name] just saw the doctor leave with some colleagues, including Hanji and Mike. Both of them waved at [Name] and Levi one last time.

Levi just watched quietly, drinking his tea. He wasn’t in a hurry— there wasn’t anything he had to do in the next hour, and opted to calmly drink. His silver eyes shifted from his tea to [Name], who’s eyes wandered trough the leaving patients. Unfortunately for him, Levi did notice how his [eye color] eyes stop somewhere before smiling and blushing.

The ravenette could only guess who was the source of such happiness— Vincent Genett. The guard he never took attention on. Levi wasn’t a dick to everyone— he treated everyone equally, until they got in his nerves. And in this case, Levi was justified for hating this guy’s guts. Not that he needed justification anyways— who was Vincent? He only remembered seeing him around from time to time since what, one-two years? Pretty surprising, knowing what fate guards had in their horrible job. This Vincent had some luck if he persisted this long. Hopefully, that luck would run out sooner or later.

[Name]’s attention shifts on Levi, who is watching him with a cold stare. The poor assistant twitches in surprise, pressing his lips in a thin line while his eyes curiously look at Levi. Noticing the stare, Levi takes a drink of his tea, still frowning.

He was annoyed.

"What's your schedule for today?" Levi spoke with a particular harsh tone, meeting [Name]’s eyes with his cold ones. 

"Hmn..." [Name] tilts his head, looking at the side to try and remember, "session with Reiner and some observations outside."

Levi wasn’t in the mood— Reiner? Really? And Zeke left him to die or what was his plan? Unfortunately, simple workers like Levi couldn’t watch over session of other doctors, so trying to stalk watch [Name]’s session wasn’t possible. He bluntly spoke, already getting up. “What are you waiting for, then? Get your shit and let's go."

The assistant could clearly hear an annoyed tone coming from the ravenette. Was it because he rejected his ride the other day? [Name] didn't have the opportunity to see his 'scary shorty mode' as Hanji had told him before. It's not as if he had wanted to, but it seems he definitely did something wrong earlier to get him talking like this. Should he apologize...?

Taking his belongings, [Name] blinked as he remembered. "Ah! This was supposed to be an observation but I didn't do anything!" The assistant widened his eyes, clearly worried by his lack of work. Zeke would be angry at him, no doubt!

The ravenette closed his eyes, not worried. "don't worry. You will see what they really are one of these days."

He blinks, confused yet curious. "What they really are...?" [Name] tried to get an answer, but Levi didn't respond after that. What could he mean by that?

Before leaving, he waves to his patients and tries to meet gazes with a certain guard. When he sees Vincent, the guard just winks at him with a serious face.

Is that his 'business' face? [Name] can't help but chuckle, leaving with a big smile.

The ravenette, clearly aware of the two love birds, looked at the guard with the coldest eyes. Surprisingly, Vincent holds the stare without a problem. Levi just leaves with a grunt, clearly annoyed.

The patients who were being escorted by guards, didn’t hide their hate towards the popular guard. Vincent didn’t express any fear nor other emotion— staying serene and going on with his job, the guard remained unaffected by the glares. 

As Vincent get behind the patients, his partner got besides him, whispering just for him to hear. “Whatever you are doing with that worker, I advice you to nope the fuck out, man. I  could sense the hate all across my spot.”

”A few glares won’t make me stop.”

”Few glares? Don’t you know which glares, Vince? Fucking Zeke Jaeger. And don’t make me name the patients!”

”Don’t care— what could they do anyways?”

”Uh, dunno, kill you? Are you being an idiot on purpose?” Abe rolled his eyes, “do I need to refresh your memory about what happened to Jin and Roman?”

”They disappeared. Why would you bring them again?”

”Because they were killed and then disposed. Didn’t you hear the news about two bodies being found around these forests? Pretty coincidental, if you ask me.”

”[Name] doesn’t have to do anything with it— what’s the correlation here?”

”Look, man–“ before Abe could spoke about it, their radios transmitted hysterical and loud voices being interjected by static. That only meant one thing— problems upstairs. “Aw, shit. Who is it this time?”

Both guards ran to the upper floors, preparing themselves for whatever  they were going to see. “Don’t think this conversation is over, dumbass!”

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

The doctor's expression was drastically different— it seemed as if he was worried about losing something. The patient's face, in the other hand, was frowning with dull eyes.

“You got lucky— If [Name] hadn’t talked to Erwin who knows what he would have done to you!” Zeke exclaimed, not believing his brother's behavior. He knew the repercussions patients got if they harmed a worker— if it wasn't for Zeke, Eren would have gotten a worst punishment by now. Even more when [Name] was the one he hurt.

The brunette raised an eyebrow— plenty of patients harmed their doctors and the boss had never been called for something like that— after all, patients were nothing but mere objects for them to experiment on. Hell, Eren never hear of him at all. Why he appears when is [Name]...?

Then Eren realizes. “He is the same.” The comment made his brother raise an eyebrow, confused.

“What are you saying?”

The brunette crossed his arms, a smug smile appearing on his face. “Angel does have an effect on everyone. To say even the boss had fallen for it...” He really is something. "How, even? Is he really going into everyone's bed?"

Anger grew on Zeke has he heard those dirty words being throw at his precious assistant. His brother calling him a whore was more than aggravating— infuriating. It seemed Eren already began to made an image of [Name] that shaped into a dark and twisted one— a pretty assistant got a job and suddenly everyone is kissing his shoes.

"I won't allow you talking about him like that. He is my assistant— it's better if you began to cooperate for yours, and my sake."

The statement only made Eren narrow his eyes in suspicion— it was clear his brother wasn't just bothered by their safety. He too was captivated by this person, not just protective. Surprising, to say at least. He thought his brother wasn't the type of person to get to attached, but it seems he was wrong after all.

That time in the gardens gave it away, anyways.

"You too like him," he raises an eyebrow, "surprising when you don't care about who is killed here."

Zeke just looks at him with crossed arms, clearly unhappy by his childish behavior.

"It's just little time something happens to angel. You know that, right?"

"You are my little brother, Eren. I care about you— that's why I'm telling you to stop. You don't know how Erwin is really like."

"And you?" He spat, "what are you really like?"

The blonde scratches his ear, sighing. This isn't going well. "I'm just asking you to behave. [Name] isn't a bad person at all, and I know you can see that but are too stubborn to do otherwise. Even Armin likes him."

"He's easy gullible."

"Tell that to the five other doctors who tried to help and he didn't even speak to," Eren presses his lips into a thin line, "you should trust Armin's choices. [Name] is not a bad guy."

"Say that to the others who take advantage of us before."

Why does he have to be this exasperating?

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

“Where are you going after?” [Name] tried to strike a conversation, feeling uncomfortable by the lack of talk.

”With Erwin. He wanted to discuss some matters to me.”

”I–Is something wrong?”

”No.” He answered without looking at him, frowning.

It was clear Levi was angry at him still, or maybe irritated by him? [Name] pressed his lips in a thin line, not pleased by the situation. The raventte didn't even wanted to look at him— he looked annoyed and tensed. Before the assistant could ask what was wrong, multiple voices quickly approaching interrupted him.

“Get out of the way!” Multiple guards ran trough the hall, almost hitting [Name] if it wasn’t for Levi quick reflexes. The ravenette pulled [Name] against him, both pressing against the wall to let the workers trough. Some people didn’t have such luck, hearing the yell and grunt some let out. [Name] could notice most guards had some type of syringe in their hands, and some others tasers.

What's happening? The workers headed to the upper floors along with some nurses. They looked worried, and many calls were heard from their radios. "L—Levi, do you know what's happening?"

"Problems in the upper floors, that's all you need to know." Levi freed his grip on [Name], letting the assistant free. The ravenette dusted his clothes, "I'm leaving." He spoke, already walking away without another word.

[Name] frowned slightly, trying to not feel upset. He waved even if the other didn't look, raising his voice to let Levi hear, "s-see you later!!" He didn't receive a gesture in return.

Sighing, [Name] clapped his hands and changed his expression to a brighter one— he couldn't let his patient see him like that! He turned, nodding at the two guards guarding the door, receiving the same gesture. A guard opened the door to let him in, [Name] thanked him and came in with a small smile, preparing himself for anything.

[Name] was met with bored gold eyes looking at the wall, but just as the attention shifted to the assistant the expression quickly changed to a playful one.

“Finally I got to see your pretty face.”

“We meet again, Mr. Braun," [Name] knew Reiner's session would be a pain to handle. He was crude, didn't sugar coat his words and didn't care about decency. Even so, he was grateful Reiner’s warrior persona hadn’t showed before— but it made him wonder when his luck would wear out. “Been pretty long since we last meet like this!”

“Not too long,” he said, “you know— I’ve dreamed about you. The types of dreams where I have you under me and—“

“That’s nice to hear, Reiner. Reaaally nice...” he pinched the bridge of his nose, “well, we saw each other in the mess hall. Its nice to see you have friends around!”

“Bertholdt has talked about you— impressive how he has taken an special interest on you,” he leaned on his chair, “he doesn’t like me talking about how good looking you are.”

“Mr. Hoover is really nice. We have both got a great time together—“

A loud noise is heard when Reiner bash his hands on the table, his expression turning into an angry one, “I won’t allow it!” He shouts with fury, a drastic change from his playful self from before.

“Mr. Braun,” [Name] controls his fear and talks in a soft voice, not wanting to get killed. The warrior just woke up, “I’m not here to harm any of you— that’s been my promise since I got here.”

“I won’t fucking allow a demon like you touch nor make him fall in love with you— you are nothing but a devil trying to use us.”

[Name] didn’t know how the blond’s cuffs were resisting— would that even save him?

“Bertholdt is just too blind to see the real devil you are— but I can.” He slowly stands, “He’s so idiotic to see— you are such an evil creature, luring him with sweet words and that pretty face you wear— but deep inside, you are nothing but a filthy demon that needs to perish.” [Name] gulps under such cold stare.

“I’m not here to harm any of you, Mr. Braun,” he reassures, “I’m here to help you, not to hurt— I seek for your future, Reiner. That's always been what I promised since I got here.”

He snorts. “It isn’t the first time I’ve heard the exact same words before— you don’t actually think that. You devils just experiment on us. We are your guinea pigs— nobody in this hell actually helps us!"

Experiments...? The word reminded him of Hanji— the woman had called her patients exactly that. Nevertheless, the assistant didn't think it was something more than a horrible nickname. "Experiment? What are you talking about? My assistance doesn't support something as horrible as that."

"Act as if you don't know, pretty boy. This isn't new— you are just like them." He slowly gets up, as if he was trying to not scare the deer,  "but I won't allow it anymore." And before [Name] could say anything else, Reiner quickly took his collar and pinned him in the desk with a slam, as he muttered immediately, “you scream and I’ll snap your neck.”

Reiner’s face was terrifying. [Name] didn’t want to show any fear, but seeing just how cold his eyes were, how he was glaring with such hatred made him froze. This didn’t look good— what did Reiner wanted to with him? If he wanted to kill him, he would already have done that the second he got his hands on him.

”What should I do to you? Maybe I can have some fun before killing you?” Reiner spoke with playfulness in his voice, but his cold expression didn’t change. There wasn't even a smile— just a bored look.

”F–Fun?” [Name] quietly muttered, hoping the type of fun Reiner was thinking wasn’t the one he feared. He had to do something before that happened, but him being so much weaker than Reiner was obvious. Fighting him wasn’t a good idea if he clearly had the upper hand. Then what could he do? He should throw something at the wall to let the others notice there was something happening— yeah, or at least the lack of noises would weird them out. "Reiner," [Name] tried to get his attention, and he tried his best to not let a sound out when he felt hands getting under his shirt.

"No talking— don’t even whimper.” [Name] could feel the rough hands over his skin— twitching his body with every touch, but not in a good way. Shivers that were caused by fear. Biting his lip, [Name] tried to think about what to do. It was clear Reiner didn’t want to hear him at all.

But something changed— it seemed Reiner’s ‘fun’ didn’t last long, because the hands who were exploring the assistant’s skin slowly stopped in [Name]’s neck. Before [Name] could snap out of his thoughts and realize the danger, a hard pressure on his neck made him unable to breathe.

”You can deceive him, but not me.” Reiner’s cold eyes stared at [Name]’s teary face, but there was no enjoyment from it. 

Between him trashing around trying to get Reiner off, [Name] took his clipboard and threw in on the wall, hoping that would get the guards’ attention about what was happening. Hitting the blond with his wouldn't be of any use— Fortunately, the door quickly opened to reveal the two guards already with syringes in hand. 

Thankfully the guards were capable of handling this quickly— before Reiner could have done more harm, a guard injected him in the neck harshly, freeing the assistant from his grip, allowing him to breathe. [Name] fell to the floor, coughing and breathing, shocked by Reiner’s violence. The other guard was unable to help him at the moment, seeing the blond patient trashing around and yelling curses at the guard trying to control him.

[Name] was surprised— whatever that syringe had, it didn’t seem to work at all. Without knowing, [Name] backed up and pressed his back on one of the corners, still out of it and with a horrible headache. He could only see what was happening— the two guards trying to control the warrior but with no avail.

”Reiner, stop!”

[Name] had to do something! But what could he do?! He couldn’t handle Reiner even if he tried his best. The blond seemed out of it, blinded by rage. The only thing he could do was knock him out— but with what? This room was basically empty! Shifting his vision back and forth, the only thing [Name] could focus on was on the chairs— fortunately, they were metallic, so at least a little push would make Reiner knocked out. [Name] only hoped it didn’t hurt that bad.

There wasn’t another choice— Reiner wasn’t willing to listen to him nor anybody. One of the guards was already on the floor with a bloodied head, while the other tried to fight the blond off. Breathing erratically, [Name] gritted his teeth and stood up with fake courage, taking the chair, gripping it as hard as he could, his skin turning white, and while Reiner was turned, [Name] said,

”I’m sorry Reiner!” And with a loud whimper the terrified assistant hit the back of Reiner’s head two times, luckily knocking him out. [Name] immediately threw the chair out of the way, kneeling to Reiner’s side and check on his pulse. “I didn’t hit you that hard, did I?!”

His attention then went for the other injured guard. Checking his pulse too, [Name] sighed in relief there was. He spoke to the other guard, “a—are you okay?!”

The man didn’t answer at first. He breathed heavily for a couple of minutes, seeing Reiner laying on the floor. “I thought I was going t fucking die,” he got up, dripping his sweat from his forehead. He then went to where [Name] was, checking on his partner. “Let’s just call the nurses...” the man quickly took his radio and spoke with codes [Name] didn’t know, signaling where they were and what they needed. “You didn’t have to do that. If you didn’t do what you did the three of us would be dead by now— three people to add in the fucking list.”

”The list...?”  A LIST? Has anybody died in this job?! "W-What do you mean?"

"What do I mean?" The guard raised an eyebrow, blinking skeptically. "Since when do you work here?"

"U-Uh— one week ago?"

"It was just a dark joke, don't take it too seriously, doc."

Two nurses and two more guards went inside, interrupting [Name]'s curiosity about 'the list'. One guard and one nurse carried the unconscious guard on a stretcher, while the other pair laid Reiner on his bed. [Name], worried about a possible concussion, noticed there wasn't another stretcher for him.

"W-Wait— won't you send him in the infirmary?" The assistant asked, allowing being checked by the other nurse.

"We are not allowed to do that, doctor." The nurse simply answered, as if it wasn't a big deal. She didn't even look at him in the eyes—

"B-But—" [name] hissed when being touched on his neck, "he could be hurt!"

"We are not allowed to bring patients to the infirmary— the infirmary is only for workers: guards, doctors, and nurses."

"Then, how would you check on him without equipment...?"

"We are experts, doctor. No need to worry about Mr. Braun's health."

"Not to worry...? B-But I—"

"I believe you have to go to the infirmary, doctor. That bruise doesn't look good."

"But he—"

"Would we need to notify the director of your refusal on following instructions, doctor?" The nurse snapped, subtly glaring at him.

[Name] faltered. What was going on? "...of course not."

"Then let's go to the infirmary."

[Name] could not stop himself from looking behind him, watching Reiner on his bed. There wasn't blood on his clothes nor his head, but the nurse had told him he was "completely fine". The nurse hurried [Name] outside, tightening her grip on [name]'s arm, guiding him.

All the way to the infirmary, [Name] thanked he didn't run into someone he knew— if they reacted so worried with what happened with Eren, he didn't want to know how Erwin would react until he knew about this.

"Please, please don't let them notice..."

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

After going to the infirmary, the nurses had told him there wasn't anything harming. The bruise would eventually heal by itself, so there wasn't much to be checked anymore. Unfortunately for him, the bruise looked horrible and was much, much noticeable than the last one. Well, [name] couldn't really whine about it, at least the only thing he got was a nasty bruise, and not what Reiner was going for at first. Whatever change of mind he had at that moment, at least [name] was grateful for it.

The rest of his day was outside, watching other's patients routines. It seems for today there was luck on his side, because it didn't seem Zeke, Levi, Erwin nor Mike knew about the incident that transpired not to long ago. If they had knew, he would be in Erwin's office by now, or maybe the director was just waiting for tomorrow to decide what to do with him and Reiner.

Tomorrow was going to be a rough day for sure— Erwin had already forgiven Eren for a small angry attack, and [name] was sure he wouldn't pass this situation even if he begged for it. Hell, [name] would try regardless— Reiner has a serious disorder, that, at least, is a justification for what happened. The assistant was sure to try to not harm Reiner— something was not right...

[Name] could already see Vincent in the distance, waiting for him at the door. Of course— Vince had invited him to his apartment to eat burgers. How could he forget? Well, the past situation was stressful and dangerous, and the only thing in his mind for the rest of the day was tomorrow. Just remembering Erwin's cold stare made him nervous...

"You finish?" Vince asked, but just as [name] got nearer, the guard couldn't ignore the nasty bruise he had in his neck. "Woah! What the hell is that?!" he widened his eyes and locked closely at [name]'s neck.

[Name] tried to hide it by pulling his collar up, frowning. "It's not that serious... just had an accident today."

"That doesn't look like an accident, [name]." Vincent looked worried, "what happened? who did you have session with?"

[Name] pressed his lips, not sure if to answer with the truth. Well... Vincent had helped him before, and he didn't seem to be one for gossip. "Reiner."

The face Vincent made was hilarious to [name]. It seemed he had seen a ghost— the looked pale by the name. "R-Reiner?! Holy fuck, are you alright?! What did he do? Did the guards help you?! How—I—"

"Calm down!" [Name] chuckled, "it's not that serious! The guards came quickly and helped me."

"Not that serious!? Did he choke you?!" Vincent looked hurt— almost embarrassed. Was because he wasn't there to help him?

"...Yeah," the assistant scratched his face, "but he didn't do anything else, okay? why don't we just leave? I don't want to see the others right now..."

The guard could see [name] uneasiness, as he was looking around discretely. "Why? You don't want to be found with that on your neck?"

"You know how they get when something happens to me. They get... like a mom." Both laugh.

"But you know they will know eventually, right? Specially the director, he knows everything that happens here."

"I know... but I don't want to be here when that happens— I know tomorrow I'm going to get called once again to Mr. Smith's office, so let's leave!!" The assistant began to push Vincent to the door playfully.

"Okay, okay!" Vincent laughs, "let's go get some burgers, okay? And then we can watch some TV to at least forget for today what happened." [name] couldn't agree more with that. He was really hungry.

While Vincent talked, he discretely tangled his fingers with [name]'s, surprising him by the gesture. The assistant looks at him with a blush and widen eyes, but keeps silent. He averts his gaze, not minding Vincent's action. The guard grins, squeezing his hand.

"I know you will like them!" Vincent grins, looking childish. [Name]'s heart fluttered, smiling along with him. Both of them waved at Margaret before leaving. The woman was behind the reception, gently smiling at them and waving back.

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

The trip trough Vince’s apartment is filled with laughter. The guard has come to the realization he loved hearing [Name]’s laugh, and his smile is too adorable to ignore. His past anger of what happened went forgotten, and just the image of [name] smiling for silly things he says makes him have butterflies.

They stop pretty far away from their main destination, dropping on a food area. There are plenty of food stalls around with bright signs— the place seemed dirty and not very well kept, but that didn’t matter to all the people who were around. [Name] didn't care much either— it wasn't as if his place was five stars, and he himself wasn't that caring.

Vincent guides him trough the alleys, getting on the burger stall he tells him about. The place seems pretty lonely— there's two pairs of people sitting on the counter eating their burgers. The one behind the counter notices Vincent, seeming to know him.

"Vince! Been waiting for you, where the hell were you?" the man speaks in a deep voice, "and who's that? your boyfriend?"

"W-Wha— James, don't scare him!!"

It was a man, maybe on his early forties. He had blond hair and his eyes were brown— he looked pretty tall too, maybe 6'0? He looked buff too, almost like Reiner. There was a scar on his neck and chin. He wore an apron with an image of a burger with a happy face on it, along with the name of the stall— 'happy mcburgers'. The apron and his rough appearance was a big contrast, and [Name] tried to hold his laughter as best as he could, not wanting to appear rude.

"Don't worry, [Name]. You can laugh at this fool! Who even wears an apron like that looking like a thug?!" Vincent shouted, smirking. The people who were sitting couldn't handle their laughter, and James only yelled at Vincent.

"And who wants to look like a stick like you, brat!!! Don't even insult me when you are eating my sacred food, boy!" he glares at Vince, sighing exasperatedly, "anyways, I'm James. I guess you are the [Name] he always talks about?"

[name] blinks, interested. "Oh? He talks about me?"

In the other hand, Vincent looks horrified, trying to shut James up. "James, don't, man!!! I take back what I said!!"

James laughs devilish, placing a hand on Vince's face and pushing him away, ignoring his yells. "Of course he does. He doesn't shut the hell up— in fact, you are the only thing he talks about when he gets here."

"That's... interesting," [name] said, blushing a little, "are they bad things?"

"Bad things? This idiot talks wonders about you— how CUTE you are and how—" the man gets interrupted by Vincent throwing ketchup at him, "what the fuck?! Stop using MY ketchup like that, you dumbass!"

"You didn't shut the hell up, old man!!!" he turns to [name], "don't hear him, [name]! He just wants to embarrass me!"

The assistant just laughs, seeing the two fight.

"Anyways, James!! Just give me the usual, but make that two." Vincent pouts, "you should thank me I got you a costumer!!!"

"Thank you? For one costumer? Man, you SAVED my job!" James sarcastically replies, already cooking. [Name] watches intently how he cooks the meat, almost drooling. "Anyways, how is that job going for you both? This kid actually looks smarter than you, so I know he's not a guard." He says, signaling [Name].

"You—!" Vincent frowns, "[Name] here is a doctor, and It's MY job to protect him!" He grins, signaling himself. "Been doing a pretty good job so far!"

"Yeah, I can see that," the man looks at the assistant's bruises, and the boy shyly hides it. "You both better need to look for another job. Your luck may run out sooner nor later."

"Hey, hey! You think I don't know that? But the pay is good, soooo..."

James and Vincent talk for a while, but [Name] doesn't join the conversation that much. It seems James knows somehow it's a dangerous job, possibly because Vincent talks about it? But what did he mean by 'luck'...? Yes, today was actually, a bad day for [Name], but in the end it went okay, as no one was killed. Not that he thought someone could get killed, anyways. Was that a possibility? Well, if he didn't contain Reiner someone surely was going to be harmed severely. But someone getting killed? That sounded too far... As he remembered, he didn't found anything that pointed out the Asylum had any accident like that. This only reminded him of what the guard said to him...

"Let's goooo!" Vincent's voice interrupts him, grabbing his wrist. "Thank you, James!! See you later or never!!"

"You would make me a favor if I stopped seeing you irritating face!" his eye twitches, but his expression softens a little to see [Name], who is waving at him, "and it was nice to meet you, kid. Hope you can bear this idiot."

Vincent guides him between some alleys, stating it was faster. [Name] grew a little worried by how shady they looked, and tried to not think about some thief coming out from the shadows to get them. Luckily the two made it safely to an apartment complex, and [name] could not stop thinking about his own— it looked pretty similar to the exterior of his own.

"You live alone?" [name] asked as both went up the stairs. The elevator had a note saying “out of service”, but thankfully Vincent’s room wasn’t at the top of the building.

"Yep. Been on my own since I was sixteen."

[Name] blinks, surprised by how young he had been. "Really?! And... your parents...?"

Vincent bits his lip, "Well... they left me on my own, so it has been me cycling around jobs."

"S-Sorry for asking..."

"Hey! Don't look upset!" He touches his hand, "if you think about it, if something in my life had been different I wouldn't be here with you."

"You say embarrassing things to someone you have shortly met..." Vincent signals a door— 302. He unlocks the door, opening and inviting [Name] in.

The guard grins as [Name] enters. "Love at first sight, possibly?"

[Name] laughs, "you are dumb!”

The apartment is cozy, just like his own. Vince tells him to sit on the sofa while he takes something to drink. “Do you drink?”

”Not really— I can’t handle it very well.” It was true– [Name] couldn’t remember the last time he had drank, but Porco had told him he can get very touchy when he is in the drunk state.

Vincent places the food on the table, turning the tv after. Immediately, an urgent voice of a woman fills the room— it seems it’s a horror movie. The brunette sits on the floor, looking more comfortable there. [Name] follows.

[Name] takes a bite from the burger, watcing the tv. There’s curiosity growing on him, wanting to know more about Vince, and he can’t help but ask, "ho did you even find the asylum?"

Vincent takes his time, cleaning his face. "A friend told me they were hiring instantly, and I saw the payment so I left my previous job and well here I am."

The assistant looks at him, "Is it hard...?"

Vincent takes a sip of his beer, "sometimes," he hums, "how did you find it?"

"I found an ad in the newspaper! I was surprised they gave me an interview right away, and I was much more surprised when Mr. Smith hired me the same day!" [Name] can’t help but smile at the memory of his messy interview and Erwin’s nice behavior towards him.

"And you..." he asked inquisitive, "don't think about some other places to work...? maybe near your place?"

[name]'s joy flattered, "I tried to but this was the only place I found an opportunity.” he frowns, feeling a bit upset, “A—Am I... Irritating?"

Vincent’s eyes widen, looking horrified. "Oh god, no! I didn't mean it that way, [name]!" He hold his hand tightly, trying to fix his error, "I'm just saying that this work— it can't be hard and dangerous! And, uh, I care about you. And also like you, and I don't want to see you hurt, and—"

[Name] blinks repeatedly, hearing the small confession. "You like me?"

The brunette gulps loudly, blushing a little. He looked embarrassed, evading [Name]’s gaze. ”Y—Yeah... yes, I do.”

[Name]’s face redden. Of course he liked him! Vincent was kind to him and he made it quite evident with his flirting— was that even a surprise?

“I thought that was pretty clear— with the other date and all...” he chuckles awkwardly. 

“B–But— I’m an idiot and dumb and clumsy and—“

“And I like you over all these things,” he grins, looking more confident, “could we... be together like that... someday?”

A small frown is clear in [Name]’s face, but his redden face doesn't wear out. He looks at Vince with unsure eyes, “W–We’ll see. Is that okay, Vincent?”

Vince can’t stop seeing [Name]’s pretty face— his long eyelashes, his soft lips pouting, how he looks at him... “S–Sure! Oh fuck, you are so cute!” the guard hides his blushing face behind his hand, laughing awkwardly. "Don't feel pressured or anything, o-okay?!"

"S-Sure!" [Name] hastily took a bite from his burger, watching the TV but not really processing what was on it. The confession had him thinking— did he like Vincent? He was kind to him, and never passed boundaries or did something he didn't like. He was reliable and looked for his security, but that was his job after all. [Name], on the other hand, didn't have much to offer. He was... pretty uncomfortable to be in another relationship after what had happened before... The assistant was glad Vincent didn't pressure him for an answer, though. He cleared his throat, wanting to change the subject. “Uhm... sorry If I’m obtrusive, but how come have you been able to sustain yourself for so long?”

Vincent blinks, his face coming to normality. ”Oh well,” he blinks at the tv a couple of times, “I knew I wouldn’t afford going to college, so I tried to finish high school. Unfortunately, I dropped in my senior year.” He takes a sip of his beer.

”It was tough being so young and trying to find a good job. As you expect, there were many jobs that weren’t that... nice. I tried to not get into shady ones, because I knew nothing good would come out of it in the end. I didn’t think it was worth it.”

[Name] subtly looks at him, playing with his hands. "Aren't you... in contact with your parents?"

He laughs, "hell no. Why would I? Mom even with his abu—" he stops himself, not finishing his sentence. Sighing, Vincent looks at the floor with a frown, clearly displeased by what he remembered. "Maybe someday I can get this weight off of me."

"I'm sorry, Vincent! I'll should just shut my mouth!" [Name] desperately tried to apologize, cursing mentally by his curiosity. Why couldn't he just shut up? Was he always this pushy?

"Perhaps I could tell you later, sweetheart." He smiles, "I can see you want to ask more things, so don't be shy."

[Name] takes a bit of his burger, looking at Vincent shyly. The guard curses mentally at how cute he looked once again. ”Since when have you been working at the asylum?”

”Two years,” he sighs, “I know it doesn’t look too dangerous, [Name]. But believe me, it gets risky every time."

"How come I haven't got anything dangerous?"

Vincent raises a brow. "Reiner session wasn't dangerous?"

"Well... not that much!" He laughs, hiding his bruises discretely.

"Okay, we do have months that are peaceful. Like now. But when we have the stressful months..." He rubs his temples, "no matter who is it, there's a chance they will have a meltdown."

"But..." [name] wonders— didn't the upper floor were being more active with guards and nurses lately? He couldn't deny seeing various workers going upstairs. "Lately many workers had gone to the upper floors. Does that mean we are going in the stressful state?"

"I'm afraid we are. I guess next month is going to be a nightmare."

"W-What has been the riskier thing that has happened?"

"Well, it varies, but these are some of my personal experiences. Sometime Reiner got so angry at something in the cafeteria he threw a table to another patient."

"He threw a table?!! But they look so heavy!"

"Yup. I was amazed at his strength— when we were remodeling the cafeteria we had to move the tables with two or three people." He explains, "that’s why they are heavy as hell, so things like that doesn’t happen. But now we take a lot of precaution around Reiner. The guy can just throw you a punch and knock you out.”

“I—I see...”

“There was another time where my past partner got his finger bit off by Sean, another patient."

"H-His finger!?" [Name] looks at his hands with fear, gulping. “H-He didn’t sue or anything?”

Vincent laughs, “of course. But surprise— the contract we sign explicitly says ‘we are not responsible of any harm or accident you may suffer’. That sucks.”

”T-That’s... horrible.” He didn’t even notice he signed to his death. Now working there didn’t sound too wonderful— everyone, no matter who, risked their lives to the people they were helping. If they were anyways.

“That’s why I’m telling you to reconsider.”

[Name] sighs. “As you know, finding a job isn’t easy,” he bits his lip, “I applied to nearly seven jobs and nobody wanted me. Mr. Smith is the only one who took compassion on me and hired me.” [Name] smiles at the memory of Erwin’s kindness— if it wasn’t for him, maybe [Name] would be in the streets by now.

Vincent’s face grim by the sound of Erwin, “that man—“

[Name]’s phone ringing interrupted their chat. The boy responds, looking pretty nervous by who the caller was. The guard raised a brow, pouting.

”Hello? Eh— Porco!” [Name] blinks, “sorry, I didn’t see the hour! Hey— it’s not that late!!!”

Vincent looks at the clock, surprised it’s now 9:30. How in the hell time flied so fast? 

Noticing the call ended, Vincent couldn’t stop himself from asking who the caller was— someone keeping track of where he was in such hours? “Who was it? Your boyfriend?”

”Of course not!! Porco is my neighbor, and my friend!! He gets really worried about me. You know, how it is in the nights around our areas," the assistant gets up, dusting himself, "I should get going..."

”Let me accompany you." Vincent followed suit, turning the tv off.

”Is there a bus stop near?”

"The only one near was the one we dropped by... so no, unfortunately," he frowns, ”sorry I don’t have a car— could’ve dropped you off but...” he blinks, grinning, “hey! I have a bicycle!!!”

”Uh—Hey! Can we get the two on it? Isn't it dangerous?"

"Of course not! We're going to look like these ghibli movies."

"You are ridiculous!"

For some strange reason Vincent had his bicycle forgotten in some room, but luckily it wasn't damaged and looked fine. Both left the apartment, both helping to not drop the bicycle on all the stairs. Eventually they succeed after some painfully minutes— as they left the building, [Name] sighed in relief and passed a hand trough his hair.

"Okay," Vincent gets on, turning to see [Name] as he grinned, "get on!"

[Name] chuckled nervously, getting behind Vincent. "Don't make us fall."

"Of course not! I'm like, a master in the bicycle..." Vincent spoke with a low voice, trying to mimic an old man. [Name] laughed, holding tight.

The ride was fun— Vincent tried to go as fast as possible, almost making both fall. They passed James' stall, [Name] waving at him with a big smile. The man just laughed, whispering to himself 'young love'. Both Vincent and [Name] talked all the way, or more like yelled at each other. Nevertheless, the ride come to an end once [Name] saw his lonely and shady building in the distance. Once Vincent stopped [Name] got off, trying to fix his messy hair.

"That was pretty fun, wasn't it?" Vincent spoke, looking at [Name] with a big smile.

The assistant returned the expression, "I can't deny it. But it was pretty dangerous too!"

"But there wasn't any damage— so it's completely fine."

The assistant shakes his head with a chuckle, ”Thank you, Vincent.” [Name] pecks his cheek, “see you tomorrow!” He says as waves at him and walks away, feeling warmer.

Vincent, with a goofy smile, gently rubs his kissed cheek. “S-Sure! See you tomorrow [Name]!!”

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

[Name] sighs as he enters the building, feeling tired. He didn't mind it tho— spending time with Vincent was nice, and plus, he learned a little more about him. A relationship seemed pretty soon; he didn't feel ready at all, but he couldn't deny the guard was at least, growing on him. It wasn't as if [Name] was that defensive about making friends, but when it came to serious relationships he was... thoughtful. That was something serious!!

”There you are!" A voice is heard coming near, and [Name] tries to hide his new bruise as quickly as he can.

Where were you— what the,” he blinks, “WHAT IS THAT?!” Porco's eyes widened, pointing at his neck.

”Porco!! Don’t raise your voice, there are people sleeping!!” [Name] whispered, trying to shush Porco.

”What the fuck just happened to you?! I told you that place was bad!” He angrily whispered, gritting his teeth. “I can’t believe it!”

”It was an accident! It’s not that bad!”

”Haven’t you seen yourself in a mirror? That’s no accident. What the hell happened?” Porco took [Name]'s collar and pulled it a little, seeing the damage. It looked pretty bad— he didn't want to imagine how he got that, but he already had some ideas in mind.

"It was an accident." [Name] said once again, covering it. "Nothing happened to me, Porco. I'm completely fine!"

"I can't believe you— what do you want? To get killed?" He huffed, crossing his arms, "drop that job immediately."

[Name] blinks, "drop it? o-of course not! It was so hard to get hired! I can't just do that, Porco!"

"[Name], do you have a death wish?"

"I can't." [name] frowns, "I won't do that— I can't just be selfish and leave them like that."

"Them? Really, [name]?" Porco passes a hand on his temples, clearly exasperated, "don't tell me you just grow attached to whoever you are talking about."

"They are patients, and I can't just leave them like that after getting inside their lives!" [Name] pouts, not liking one a bit what Porco suggests. He can't leave them, honestly. Leaving would not help nothing at all, and if [name] can guess, it's not that he could leave, anyways.

"You surely can get this stubborn— I really can't believe this." He grows, "and this happens just when I'm leaving... what a nice thing to happen."

"Look, Porco— nothing will happen to me, alright? I promise!"

"Of course, sure thing. Only you would say something like that when you almost got choked to death, right?"

[Name] confident voice flatters, "I-I didn't get—"

"Of course you fucking did," he grits his teeth, "I'll think on something. You won't be there forever, [Name]. That place will only kill you."

"I'm promising you nothing will happen," [name] raises his pinky finger, "I'm swearing it."

"You can be really childish, you know that?"

"If you don't complete the promise with me, I will get cursed!"

"Dummy..." the blond tangles his pinky finger with [name]'s, looking at the other side in embarrassment. "Just hang on, okay? Don't do stupid stuff over a company that won't do anything for you in return."

"Porco, I'm swearing to my dignity nothing will happen." [Name] frowns, straightening his stance.

"What dignity?"

"Porco!!!"

Flower Curse | 5

[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

f o u r

“And you say you have nothing important to do today?“ you asked, walking through the busy corridors beside Erwin.

“I didn't exactly say that,“ he replied, “yes, I have other matters, but you are more important than them.“

Blinking, you just nodded in acknowledge. The comment made you slightly surprised, but the feeling about how he worried about you made you warm.

“Did you say anything to Levi?”

“I just told him and Mike we were going to have some matters in Wall Sina,” he hold a smirk, “Levi actually looked taken aback for not bringing him, Mike just nodded.”

“Obviously. You two are always together, he knows something is up.”

“Indeed. He's irritated about how you ignore him,” he gave you a look, “you didn't see him all morning, right?”

The question made you scoff, “Of course not. Why would I want to see him if everything I do make the flowers arise? I just make my health worse by just looking at him.”

The reply only made Erwin humm, deep in thought.

Why would you see him? What good would be in that? He only hurted you— and he didn't even know. Every time he approached you, you just replied with short sentences and flew as fast as you could without looking at him. Even Hange and Moblit helped you out by calling your name or saying you were needed somewhere else, taking a nasty look from Levi every time. It was just little time about the ravenette's patience ran out.

A sudden memory from this morning came up to you.

////

You were currently walking in the corridor, with a mountain of paperwork between your hands. They needed to be finished soon— so you hurriedly walked to your office.

That would have been wonderful. But, lately, things going 'wonderfully' wasn't allowed in your life at any means,

"Oi. Where the fuck have you been?"

Wonderful.

"Levi! Nice to see you. Right now I don't have time, bye!" You tried to hurry the hell up and be as far as possible from him, but he is Levi. He doesn't let anyone escape from him.

"Hell with that. You have been avoiding me, why?" he demanded, harshly taking your arm and making you stop on your tracks. You almost fell if it wasn't for his strong grip — you believed there was going to have a bruise in a couple of minutes.

"Pff, avoiding you? Don't be ridiculous. I've been busy, now, if you excuse me..." Trying to get off from his grasp was impossible. He wasn't letting you walk off like other times, he was pissed.

His frown was more apparent than before, he was glaring straight at you. You could tell he was done playing games.

"Don't take me for an idiot, [Name]. It's been nearly one week and I've only seen you once. What's happening? Don't you dare fucking lie."

You frowned. You tried to play it off at first— but him wanting answers was getting on your nerves. Maybe you were acting selfish for not telling him anything — but you honestly didn't care for that. "I told you I've been busy. Don't you have nowhere to be?" You answered, gritting your teeth. He should be with his Petra right now, shouldn't he? Why was he looking for you?

Your answer only got him riled up, by the looks of his face. He took your collar with no care, making you drop some papers on the floor. Face to face, you could see how angry he was— his eyes were more than expressive, his mouth was pressed in a thin line and you knew he was holding back.

"What has gotten into you? You are not at the mess hall when I am, you don't train the cadets anymore and you certainly don't look for me. What's the goddamn reason? Answer me."

Before you could say anything, a certain couple came and interrupted your little 'fight'. Hange and her assistant, Moblit.

"[Name]!! I just was looking for you, lucky me!!" Noticing the state you were in, she placed an arm around Levi's shoulder and spook right on his ear, "Shorty!! Sorry for interrupting but little [Name] has to come with me~" She stated, smiling goofly.

Her actions made him snap at her and move his grip from your collar and arm, now placing them on the scientist's collar, sending her a murderous glare. "Listen here, shitty glasses— I'm not in the fucking mood right now so you better—"

As Levi spoke right in front of her face, Hange made a signal with her hand to make both of you leave while he was shortly distracted. Moblit helped you run the hell out of there, leading you to Hange's office, place you were stuck until Erwin came for you.

//////

Remembering the raven's iron grip on your arm made you touch it without thinking— suppressing a hiss when you felt pain. There was a bruise for sure, lucky for you. You barely were healed from your past injuries at the training grounds; with only yellowish bruises left on your skin. and ocassional pain when they were touched.

“Anyways,” you broke the silence, “how did you find Ziegler?”

“Some squads collected information from wall Maria, Rose and the underground. We eventually got something about him— he owns a bakery in Wall Sina, in Stohness District. He is also married.”

“Married, uh...” the thought about him carry on his life made you wonder of your own– would Levi do the same thing? Get married? “How old is he?”

“Sixty seven years old.”

“Damn, little Barry grew old. I wonder how his life has been after that..."

Before you could leave the place, one of your squad members called you with nervousness, making you turn around. Spotting a certain ginger girl with brown eyes shifting nervously, you blinked strangely.

“Uh? Trish, what's up?” you brightly asked, putting your usual façade instantly.

She saluted to the both of you, and then relaxed at Erwin's command. "The corporal has been asking for you! And he is more irritated than usual...” she looks around as if looking for him, “and is making all of us scared about what tasks are for us...” she sighed, “he even scolded Jaeger for just sneezing and made him do cleaning duty in all the castle by himself! He's terrifying today!”

You laughed, “Sadly, I can't go and see him right now. I have some urgent attends to attend to, so kindly say I don't time for him and to stop being an irritable piece of–” before you could finish your sentence, Erwin cleared his throat in a manner of ’hold yourself’, rolling your eyes you finished, “just say the first thing.”

“S–Squad Leader! He's going to have my head! I can't say that! Think about my life!” she desperately exclaimed, ignoring that her Commander was right there, thing that made you laugh more. Nevertheless, you hold your laugh as best as you could, “Trisha, I believe you are brave. Try to sugarcoat my words and I believe everything will be over. The sooner the better, right? Right. Bye–bye!” grabbing Erwin's arm, you practically ran out of there, ignoring the calls of help Trisha was yelling.

“B-but! Squad Leadeeeer!”

_________________

"We're here. Do we know where his house is at?" you asked, stretching your arms while looking around the District. It was pretty busy; people walking around, children playing... The usual within the walls.

"Yes. His bakery and house are close to each other, let's go." The blond said, already walking off. Hurriedly, you ran to his side, walking at his pace.

The walk was quiet— not that you complained. You were practically watching everything you could from this dristrict; afterall, it wasn't everyday you could go to Wall Sina as you pleased. Erwin was lucky to do that thanks to his rank as the commander.

It was easy to notice that Wall Sina was the most expensive and beautiful place between the walls. The ground's pattern looked pretty, the people here dressed very... eccentrically? And how they talked was 'sophisticated' in their little minds. They sounded ridiculous in your opinion.

You envied their ignorance for a second. How they could live as if people weren't scarifying their lives for theirs. And the mocky glares they sent to the both of you made your blood boil— before you could storm off right at their faces a hand grabbed your wrist, making you stop.

It was Erwin's. It was a strong hold, but not painful. He looked right into your eyes, and the pair of serene eyes that resembled the sky captivated you. Blinking, you just stared, waiting for a response.

"Calm yourself." Was the only thing he said.

Nodding, you closed your eyes and sighed, clearing your mind. Getting angry for things like this wasn't worth it— especially with what you were going trough. Opening your eyes you were met with his warmn gaze once again. This time no word left his mouth, he returned looking in front of him and began walking.

His hand never left yours.

_____\\\\______ "Here's the bakery, the house should be..." Erwin talked while you ignored him. Your attention was in the store in front of you— what seemed to be that man's bakery. Trought the glass you could see diverse pastries— cookies, pieces of a delicious chocolate cake and bread that looked freshly baked by its perfect looks. The scene made you practically droll— but some certain pink cookies caught your attention.

Pink cookies neatly placed on a small porcelain plate painted with small pink flowers you didn't recognize. It matched with the cookies themselves, because their surface was decorated with what resembled pink roses. The sudden image of flowers made you abruptly end your appetite, and out of curiosity you seeked the pastery's name.

Written so elegantly in white paper— the name was “Flowers of Darla”.

Gulping, your gaze traveled to the shop's name— as if you were going to see something you didn't want to, if that made sense.

“Darla's Pastries“

That was... unexpected and expected at the same time. Why would he name his store with her name? With what purpose?

The bell from the door alerted you of someone leaving the store— being that someone Erwin himself. You didn't even notice when he went into the bakery! "[Name], Ziegler's house is..." He stated, but before continuing talking he noticed your mouth suspiciously wet, making him raise one of his big eyebrows. "Your mouth is... wet. Here, let me..." He finished, holding your chin and taking from his jacket's pocket a handkerchief he carefully cleaned your mouth with, with a strangely soft gaze you never saw before.

Finishing cleaning your face like a mother would have done, you thanked him and both of you returned walking as nothing happened.

Nothing happened, right?

"Who was in the bakery?" You asked, looking at the blond's face.

"His son." He shortly answered, not leaving his gaze from the path ahead, making you wonder in your thoughts.

He had a family now. He didn't forgot about Darla— but he moved on. You didn't even know if Darla was dead or alive, but the ending chapter of the book surely pointed out that she was no longer in this world. You and everybody were sure that Darla was no longer than a memory— someone who just came and went.

The thought made you sad for her.

It looked like Erwin noticed your troubled expression; because he gently took your hand with caring and meet your eyes, that unlike his, yours were filled with anxiety and fear.

There weren't words needed, the warm touch was enough to calm you down and nod. He stared for a moment, before returning to walking. It was only a short walk now, because he stopped right in front of a house.

The house was like every other one of the district— white, looking impeccable and neat. The commander went to the door and knock it three times, with you nervously behind him. The door opened, revealing a chubby woman with brown hair tied up in a bun, leaving some revealing hairs on her sides and bun. Her gaze looked tired but gentle— hazel eyes sparking with life. She was dressed with a casual orange long dress, unlike some other you saw before.

"Hello, gentlemen. Can I help you?" She asked, smiling at both if you. You returned it with a smile that didn't reach your eyes.

Luckily, Erwin was a perfect example of how to talk with someone, because all of his demeanor changed into the "good charming guy".

"Good afternoon. We're looking for Barry Ziegler, is he home?" Erwin asked, returning the smile with one that looked very real. Better than yours, for sure.

"He is, what are you exactly looking him for, if I may ask?" The woman cautiously questioned, not that you blamed her. If two soldiers —and especially with one of them looking like shit— from the Survey Corps were looking for your husband who lived in Wall Sina, you would be weirded out for sure.

"We wanted to discuss something about his book— It's an important matter, so if you could notify him we would be grateful, ma'am."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment, before saying, "Alright, please come inside." She opened the door and made way for you two to come in. She closed the door once you were inside and said, "Have a sit, you can take some cookies if you want, Excuse me, I will talk to him." And with that went upstairs, disappearing from your sight.

The home looked... nice. The wall were painted in white with what seemed to be a roses pattern. At the center of the living room were two sofas, with a table on the middle. There was a plate with cookies on it— the same roses cookies you saw before, in the bakery.

There were some bookshelfs too, and a big window were you could see the pathway you were walking, but it was covered with curtains. There was another room that you guessed was the kitchen.

You sat down along with Erwin in one of the couches. Giving a look to the cookies made you hungry again, despite the fact of it's hidden meaning. Without thinking much you took one— hey, the woman gave you permission to eat, so why not? Taking a bite, your surprised gaze took the blond's attention, because your sudden change if demeanor made him raise an eyebrow.

"These cookies are..." you looked at him in awe, "very good." Blinking, you offered him your half eaten cookie, ignoring that there were others cookies he could take, "you have to try them, Erwin. This is the best thing I've ever eaten in my whole life." And you weren't lying— the pastry was something youi never tried before. Wall Sina was recognized by a lot of things, and one of them was it's pastries. But you never guessed it was that glorious, it was like... taking a bite of heaven.

Erwin couldn't stop letting out a chuckle. He took the cookie and ate it— you waited for any expressions he would make, but there was no change.

"It's good." He stated.

"Good?! It's fantastic! I want to eat hundreds of this!" You said, looking like a child in Erwin's eyes. You took more and more cookies, and some of it was left on the sides of your mouth, making a mess of yourself. Your expression was relaxed and smiley — you were in a bliss.

The sight of you made the blond stare at you. It was rare to see you relaxed lately— with all that was going on you couldn't catch a break and be yourself. Something that he... missed. He was always checking on you on all times, seeing if you were in pain or needed support, that you often did. He would held you when you would break; whispering things on your ear until you calmed down or fell asleep.

And watching you right now, like a child eating candy made his gaze softened. It was a moment he would treasure— forever, until his last day.

Looking at your joyful face made him spot the cookies' crombs on your cheeck and the sides of your mouth. And without taking his handkerchief, his hand approached your face, placing it on your cheeck and with his thumb cleaning your face. The action made you instantly look at him in confusion, but before both of you could do anything, the sound of someone coming downstairs made you two return to your serious faces and stand up from the couch.

Who came down was an old man— his hair was all grey, he had a beard and wore glasses. His wife was accompanying him.

The man looked at both of you with an expression you couldn't catch. "Hello, gentlemen. Please, sit down." You obeyed him, looking curiously at him.

"I will go to the bakery, I have to see how Thomas is doing," his wife said, smiling at both of you before leaving.

Both of you returned your attention to the man— who sat down on the other couch across yours. "I'm Barry, but I guess you already know my name."

"Yes. I'm Erwin Smith and he is [Name] [Last Name], pleased to meet you, Barry." Erwin said, looking directly at Barry. "We're are here to discuss some matters of your book."

"I've never had soldiers coming on my house to discuss on my works before. This is quite... surprising." The writer stated, raising an eye brow.

"Well, this is an important matter. But we don't want to discuss the book itself; we want to talk about something that was touched in your work."

"And wich of my works are you talking about? You have to be more specific."

"Hanahaki Curse, sir."

When Erwin said the title of the book, Barry's face changed from relaxed to one of surprise, and then, sadness.

"Aah... that one," he closed his eyes, "what do you want to discuss from it?"

"Was it... was it all real?" This time you asked, a little unsure.

He let out a sigh, and replied, "Why would you think that? All of my works are fictional."

You gulped, "Because I have the curse."

He instantly opened his eyes, widening them as if he was in disbelief. There was a minute of silence, and then the man talked again, cautious. "You... have it?"

Nodding, he sadly sighed. "I see." Rubbing his temples, he got up from his seat and went to the window, taking the curtains off. He stand there, looking at the outside. "What questions do you have for me?"

"Where is Darla?" you asked.

"Gone." He replied, "She never stood a chance. Nobody does, usually."

You winded at that; nobody lives.

"Aren't there no survivors from this?" Erwin questioned, "Then, how do you know for the flowers to cease, you have to be loved back?"

"That's because the only living proof I knew was Darla's mother." He placed his hand on his back, thoughtful. "She was the only person I knew. I've knew three people that had this; Darla's mother, Darla, and one of my close friends."

"Did he make it?" you asked, already knowing the answer.

"No, he didn't." He turned at you, "This illness is so rare. The last time I heard from it was thirty years ago. But now... here you are."

"Why doesn't every person who isn't reciprocated has this?"

"I don't have an answer for that."

You were getting desperate. "And doctors? What do they say? I'm sure they have investigated something, right?"

"I'm afraid not. This... topic is forbidden to talk about, the King itself doesn't want anyone aware of it."

"What? The King covers this? But with what reason?! If this was know, maybe the doctors could do something to fix it!"

"[Last Name], humanity right now needs more population. What would people do if they knew about this?"

What would they do...? Well, they would be more cautious to love someone else... and if they were more scared of love, then...

"People would fear falling in love with someone, and then nobody would..."

"Exactly. Nobody would want to be with someone if there is a chance to die like that. Even if the chances of having the illness are slim, the King doesn't want to take chances." He returned to his seat and proceed, "I almost got in trouble for writing it, actually. But, explaining my reasons and saying all was fictional, worked. The Military Police can be... like talking to animals. They don't want to hear you— the King's word is always final."

"That's... nuts! And— and there isn't anything I could do about it?! I have to wait until I die?!" you exclaimed, getting nervous and scared. "There's no cure?! Anything?!" Your hands turned into fists, turning them white by your force. Erwin tried to calm you down, placing a hand on your shoulder.

"I refuse to believe that," Erwin stated, looking at Barry, who eyes were saddened, "there has to be something else."

"You already heard the cure. The one you love has to reciprocate your feelings— no surgery has never been done before. That, is impossible."

"That... that can't be..." you murmured, covering your face with your hands.

"What about Darla's mother?"

"She's gone, too. Quickly after Darla passed, she did aswell." He looked in thought, and snapped his finger when he remembered. "Let me get something, I will be right back."

He left upstairs.

You suffered, trying to hold the tears that wanted to get out. Erwin only squished your shoulder in silence.

Barry returned with a book on his hand, and placed it on the table. "This was... Darla's journal." he passed his hand on it, with a soft gaze. "Martha, Darla's mother, gave it to me when Darla passed. She said to me that... I had to have it."

Signing, you tried to stay mentally strong and not to break. Erwin's warming touch was the only thing in this goddamn room helping you stay sane. Relaxing your hands, you looked at the older man, waiting for an explanation.

He approached the book at you, "And now I'm giving it to you." Hearing that, your eyes widened.

"Giving it to me? Why? Darla was no one to me— I... I don't have the right to have it."

A sad smile formed on his lips, looking at the journal with melancholia. "You have it now," he said, "you now understand what she went trough— This old man doesn't have to keep this no more, there is no use of it for me."

Unsure, you took the journal with caring. "How... how did you find out...?"

"That she died because of me?" You nodded, "her mother told me just when she passed away... I was wondering why she was avoiding me every day..." He slightly smiled, looking lost in thought, "when I found out I was devasted. I didn't even understand what Martha was explaining to me.

A girl throwing up flowers just because her love isn't reciprocated? Impossible — That's a thing you read in fairy tales. But, I guess the world has been more fascinating lately, right?" he let out a dry laugh, looking at the two of you. "I wish things would have been different."

"Would you have loved her back...?" you kindly asked.

Sighing, he closed his eyes and replied, "I'm afraid not. The one I fell in love with was my actual wife, Lily. If Darla would have told me she loved me, it would have been the same answer she knew all along."

You gulped, feeling cold all of sudden. There was no way out— no doctors, no cure, no love... you will die. You will.

"I... see..." was the only thing you could say. Thought of your final days were flashing through your mind; would it be peaceful? painful?

"We don't have more questions. We should leave, we are thankful of your time." Erwin said, helping you stand. The blond noticed how you were in a slight state of shock.

"No, my apologies for not giving you the answers you wanted." The old man took a small box; it was white and decorated with flowers. "Here," he gave it to Erwin, "I noticed your friend liked them– that's the only thing I can give."

Erwin took the box and thanked him. Barry opened the door but before you could leave, he stop you both. "Ah! Now that I remember... There is a doctor in Wall Rose— Timothy Eisenhower, an old friend of mine. He has been investigating this illness, but with no patients there's no way to know if a certain surgery will work." He explained, "here, let me write his direction..."

At least, hearing that a doctor was investigating this horrible thing made you slightly relieved. Nevertheless, knowing that if a surgery never done before was the only way, you knew that was as risky as being outside fighting titan in an expedition. Dangerous.

"If you go with him tell him that you know me. He has been cautious about this— with the King's word and all."

"Of course, thank you again, sir."

"Don't thank me. I hope everything goes well for you."

Hope wasn't helping you at all. _____________________ "What should we do now?"

"Return to the barracks. It's late, and with the expedition around the corner I have to get everything on time."

"Yeah, the expedition..." Will you be able to be ready for the expedition? Nothing did matter anymore. If a titan or the flowers killed you, it would be the same. You will die anyways, right?

"Let's not forget Eisenhower. I will write a letter for him— maybe Hange and you can meet him tomorrow, if everything goes well."

"Well, I'm not getting my hopes up. A surgery never done can kill the patient too." Letting out a humorless laugh, you said, "but I dont have nothing to lose, right? I'm dying anyways."

"We don't know what will happen, let's get to every possible way to fix this, [Name]."

"Sure thing, Erwin..." ________________ Twilight. Were you really that late? How many hours you were outside? Time seemed too short, but maybe it was just you.

After returning to the castle, Erwin went to his office and you went directly to your office. Well, tried to. A certain grumpy short man was just waiting for you outside your office; arms crossed and looking pissed. Yahoo, what else could go wrong today?

"Hello, Levi." You greeted, trying to open the door but the ravenette was blocking your way with his entire body on the door. "Can I enter my office, please? I'm exhausted."

"You didn't give me a explanation before leaving. Now we are here, without any distractions— so tell me, what are you hiding?" He glared straight at you, no sign for moving. You were getting exasperated.

"Explanation for what? I already told you I have been busy, holy shit." You replied, "can you move already? You are in the goddamn way." Now it was your turn to glare at him; you were done playing nice.

"What the fuck has gotten into you? You look sick, you don't talk to me. You have been acting like a goddamn child; explain what the hell is happening." He harshly took you by the collar, getting close both of your faces, "Where did Erwin and you go? When I was looking for you, Trisha just told me you couldn't see me. But why exactly?"

Gritting your teeth, you replied, "that's none of your fucking business, Levi."

The reply only made him riled up, because he grabbed your collar and slammed you against the wall, making you grunt. Uh oh— the flowers were awaken once more, you could feel inside, wanting to get out.

"Hell with that — it is my fucking business, you piece of shit. You better watch—"

"Levi, in my office right now."

Hearing your savior, Erwin, made you sigh in relief. You didn't know how or why he appeared right in time— maybe because he was going to check on you? In any case, you silently thanked him.

Levi frowned, he was truly pissed about the two of you getting interrupted; he wanted answers but it seemed impossible. He glared at Erwin, still grabbing you by the collar. "No. No until [Name] explains—"

"What I said was an order." Erwin demanded, with an aura of intimidation that got you uncomfortable. Levi only grunted in irritation, and took you a last harsh glance before letting you go. He walked away, and before Erwin did too, he gave you a strange look you couldn't really decipher.

Without taking more time, you opened the door and closed it when you were inside; locking it. In an instant you were throwing up all of the flowers inside you— purple flowers.

Patting, you stayed kneeled on the floor, trying to catch your breath. Your only thought was "Why can't I stop loving him?"

Yeah, why you couldn't? You knew he didn't love you— so what was the reason for still being in love with him? Was it love stronger than your hatred? How so? You just wanted to get cured; free from this horrible illness. But that seemed impossible. Why was it that hard to stop loving? Why, why you love him so much...?

Why was this a punishment? Why you couldn't just... love him from afar? Why you were so unlucky that you got this curse? Why? What did you do?

You got up with the strength you had left— taking the journal from your pocket and placing it on the desk, you sat down, looking lost.

"I'm... tired." Was the only thing you say, before everything went black, and you dreamed about better things and a joyful life.

Without noticing, a tear escaped.

Petunia: The petunia symbolizes resentment and anger.

s i x

i've been trying to think why i stopped writing entirely, so this is just a vent/ramble post and doesn't mean anything beyond that? line break bc i dont think someone would want to read rambling tb: rant about aot, info about reiss mental asylum/empty/future

the first reasons i came out with were 1. work 2. a shitty situation that worsened my already shitty mental health and 3. void of creativity/writers block/no energy to think or to came out with something i liked bc i kept comparing myself to others creators (which is... very bad).

the other big reason....... (since i only wrote for aot):

i think i stopped writing anything attack on titan related because i really, really got so salty that my favorite peace of media (that i've followed for 11 years) ended they way it did? and i don't mean that 'oh just bc u didn't get a happy ending or u didn't understand the characters and the plot doesn't mean your opinion is valid bla bla'

but the way characters' developments were poorly handled and recessed, how they were just made dumber for the sake of the plot and how suddenly a romantic relationship that wasn't there in the first place became something bigger at the end and how eren was handled in the last moments just made me so salty lmao.

and it makes me more salty how people just shits on you if you don't like it and quickly go with their 'u didn't get it' like brother ive been here since 2013 tf you mean? now we can't criticize anything and still like something??? AAAGGGHHHH

im sorry LOL it's just that i can't see anything aot related bc it is so ruined for me. literally i see tiktoks and i get so sad and bitter bc i know what the comments will be lmao i hate it, literally just read the manga and stopped watching the anime until season 3 bc i just disliked how everything was handled so bad. like any news about it just doesn't make me feel anything 😭 i need a therapist

anyway :) im trying to find my love towards it again because i genuinely liked writing my shitty stories about it and the world building and characters were what i fell in love with.

(also, this doesn't mean im bashing ppl who liked the ending!! in my eyes, everything is subjective—some like it, some dont, and that's fine. how boring life would be if we all thought the same?)

but i AM bashing those who say 'you didn't get it'. come here and get this hands how about that

oh, and im rewriting reiss mental asylum (just the earlier chapters bc they are... bad y'all LOL), nothing too heavy, just trying to improve the writing and adding extra things. (such as the damn time period... i've had in mind to settle it around 1960-1980, but i just didn't pay attention to the world building enough to explicitly mention it. oh well, the more you know.)

i've already made a big chunk of info about how i want to develop the whole story, so i do have a clear structure to follow. also, i once begged for ideas in ao3, and many people came with great input, and a commentor was so spot on on what i was intending to do with the story! (like really spot on LOL they found my secret plot twist...)

it really makes me baffled how many people like the story, with its flaws and all. i was young and very inexperienced when writing it, so i hope i can refine it enough to make it a decent read for all of you.

also... people from russia 🫵 im speaking to you directly... thank you for your kind messages as well! (some of you have reached for me through email) it just baffles me how well liked that story is? and for the translator(Вероника_69) to still keeping an eye after years of no updating? aaaa. thank you.

i think i needed to write this vent, it helped me to get some good motivation!!

aaaaand i've watched jujutsu kaisen... you may see silly things coming up as well... err, someday. because college is around the corner again and that means suffering! and poor mental health! and no time! and no life!

been having these intrusive thoughts lately of... erasing all of my works LOL BUT i won't, don't worry. they'll be there as a reminder of how slightly ive improved (not much).

but yeah, if you see me experiment with small drabbles or just silly posts it doesn't mean im not paying attention to reiss mental asylum! i won't abandon it unless i die, even then i've told my friends to release my 30 unfinished drafts for you to get some closure LOL (fr though). but yeah, i will gravitate towards other fandoms if i feel like it (:

so, empty: hiatus... hiatus hiatus bc i hate to touch aot right now as its canon universe. indefinite hiatus, but i love that story to just abandon it. i was having much fun with it, tbh. which also im very grateful that it also got a russian translation by _Полуночник_! sorry that these news aren't very positive for the fans of empty, but i promise i'll get around it someday.

anyway, this turned out too long. thank you for still checking my stories, as bad as they are! i really, really appreciate you all reaching out to me. hopefully this year i can be more active, even if to write drabbles with meaning behind it. (i just love stories with lores thats why im so damn slow) although... i wrote more for myself in the beginning, so i was very surprised that people wanted more LOL

oh and im going to post masterlists to order my shit better. i want pretty visuals too, yk? headsup if u see me posting... also, feel free to ask anything about this vent lol i dont mind. (also i always got notifications to my email when someone asked something, and idk when they stopped? also, yeah, i check my email 😞)

hope you are having a good start of year. and, if not, well, we have 11 months anyways

and i never fucking realize i had 550 FOLLOWERS. i am not fit for social media y'all im sorry. i'll have to spoil you with something... THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING A DAMN GRAVEYARD 😭 i will make it better i promise

also... dont use chat bots... my brain rotted... 😞 i had an unhealthy obsession (still do) but don't give in LMAO

Reiss Mental Asylum / ２

【 shingeki no kyojin / mental asylum – alternative universe, modern setting 】 『male!yandere!various x male!prettyboy!reader』 summary: Finally! You have been given an opportunity to work at Reiss Mental Asylum- your job hunting hasn’t been great, so to hear you got an opportunity made you excited. At the beginning everything seems normal- but without noticing, some people began to get obsessed with you. warnings/tags: DARK/HEAVY THEMES. Non-consensual themes; sexual assault, touching, drug use, rape attempt. Home invasion, yanderes, obsessive behavior, murder, blood, explicit content, sexual thoughts. masterlist

２

A certain young boy nervously entered the big white building, playing with his fingers. Instantly, the boy could notice someone familiar inside the building— Margaret, the lady he saw the other day. Just as she saw him, she gave a soft smile and greeted him.

“Good morning, [Name]! Nice to see you here!” She says, which the named boy just greet her quietly. “Please wait here, a certain doctor wanted me to notify your arrival.” She stated before leaving in hurry.

[Name]’s mind wondered— just who wanted to see him this soon? It wasn’t Dr. Smith for sure; the man had better things to attend to. Without many options, the young man just waited, looking around the place.

He noticed the asylum was very well cleaned— there wasn’t any spot not cleaned enough. He saw some guards and workers passing through, which they just nodded at him as a greeting. [Name], being a little shy, blushed and greeted back in response.

The [hair color] haired boy faintly heard footsteps approaching, making him turn around to meet with blue orbs which were carefully watching his form from afar. It was a tall man— blond soft hair parted in the middle, beard and glasses. The man’s face looked neutral, and little [Name] couldn’t recognize a certain spark on the eyes of the unknown man.

“[Name]! This is Dr. Zeke Jaeger— You will be his assistant. Dr. Smith wanted to present you two but he’s busy with some meetings.” Margaret kindly said, “I believe Dr. Jaeger knows about the tasks to be done, right?” She looks at him.

He nods and responds, “That’s correct. I will not waste your time any further, Margaret.”

“Alright then— don’t be too hard, Dr. Jaeger!” She jokes, leaving the place, murmuring something to herself. “Now to notify Dr. Smith…”

[Name] turns to see the man, immediately meeting his strong gaze on him, making the younger man a little uncomfortable by the hard gaze.

“H—Hello, Dr. Jaeger. I’m [Name] [Last Name], it’s nice to meet you!” [Name] says, a little too animated, making the blond man smirk by his attitude.

Interesting. “Likewise, [Name]. You can just call me Zeke, follow me.” He turns and begins to walk, which the [hair color] haired boy quickly followed, walking beside him. “You already heard you will be my assistant, so we’ll share the same office— hope you don’t mind.”

“N—Not at all! Sorry for the trouble, Dr—uhm, Zeke.” [Name] apologizes, feeling uncomfortable.

“Don’t apologize, I don’t mind.” The blond dismisses, unbothered. “Well, to make things short, first, you will present yourself with the chosen patients. Don’t worry, I will be watching everything, so if anything gets out of your control the guards can take care of it.”

If anything goes wrong…? But I’m just going to meet them… That’s not really comfortable to hear. [Name] tries to stay calm about the situation; nothing bad is going to happen— it is his first time, so being nervous is normal.

“You will meet one or two patients per day— we should get our schedule in three days.” You both walk upstairs, “After this, you’ll meet with the next one. Also, don’t worry too much, I know it’s your first time, so I will give you some advice.”

Zeke is kind enough to help the young boy— he shares with the [hair color] haired boy his experiences, obviously hiding the ones who are not really nice. The blond talks about what would be a good approach, his usual sessions with some of his patients… [Name] pays full attention — taking mental notes in the process. The young boy really wants to help those in need; and someone giving him his first advice is important to him!

The older man snaps his fingers, suddenly remembering something. “I haven’t told you anything about the patient, have I?” He chuckles, scratching his ear with his index finger, “I forgot the most important thing, apologies, [Name].”

“Don’t worry—!” [Name] reassured.

“His name is Armin Arlert, his parents were murdered in front of him in his own house— the culprits are assumed that worked with the police and somehow got away with it. As you can expect, Arlert being a kid and witnessing that event, it didn’t leave a good impact on his mental health.”

Poor thing… [Name] thought, feeling sorry for the tragic past this boy had. I will do my best to help him trough this!

“Depression… Armin gets panic attacks almost every night, so he doesn’t sleep often. He’s usually calm and collected— but his stress makes him snap, it could anger or sadness. It differs, but you will notice the signs.”

Zeke stops in front of a door, making you stop too. “We are here. You will spent thirty minutes with him, getting to know him and everything.” He looks at you, indifferent, “I will be in another room checking on you— Armin isn’t violent by any means, so don’t stress. Good luck, [Name].” He finalized, walking to another place unknown for the young man, leaving him alone.

The [eye color]-eyed boy sighs, calming himself. My first patient… Come on [Name], you can do it! He reassures himself, with a little smile on his gentle face. Nodding at himself, [Name] knocks gently on the door before opening it, noticing a blond with short hair sitting down, patiently waiting for somebody.

“Hello there,” [Name] greets with a small smile, waiting for a response from the young man. The blue-eyed only blinks at him in surprise, not recognizing the person before him.

“You are not Dr. Jaeger.” The blond just states, raising a brow. “Are you a nurse?”

[Name] lets out a chuckle, taking a seat across the boy. There is a table between them, on which the [hair color] haired boy place his hands. “No I’m not. I’m [Name] [Last Name], Dr. Jaeger’s assistant — I will help him treat you from now on.”

Armin blinks, unsure. He can feel a nice aura coming from you— but he isn’t sure about your true intentions. He never knows the true mask people wear, so he’s not going his guard down that easily.

“I wanted to meet you!” [Name] looks at the blond in a gently way— he was trying his best to not look intimidating or too awkward. “I told you my name, would you like to tell me yours?” The [hair color] haired young man already did, but wanted to hear it from him.

The blue-eyed boy blinked, unsure with the approach. He had never been with a doctor this… alive? He didn’t know how to phrase it— but just as [Name] entered the room, Armin could feel comfortable, even if he just meet the assistant in minutes. Armin watched carefully the face of [Name]; he was wearing a small smile that looked genuine, his eyes were gentle and kind. The blond felt something nice on his chest by looking at the other’s peaceful aura… Armin wondered if he was getting his guard down, but somehow, he was sure the man in front of him wasn’t pretending.

“Are you alright? Do I have something on my face?” Armin heard the other say, his cheeks blushing in embarrassment. The blond watched you for a couple of seconds, before answering.

“No, you don’t. I was just… thinking.” He blinks, composing his thoughts. “I’m Armin. Nice to meet you, Dr. [Last Name]…”

“[Name] is just fine, Armin! I’m not really used with that title…” The young man says, chuckling quietly. “We should know each other better! We will see each other from now on, so maybe, a little talk about us is fine by you?” [Name] tilts his head, looking at the blond.

Armin sees his exposed neck— how soft his skin looks. He has never noticed something like this from anyone, and the thought makes him feel strange. “I don’t know what to talk about.” He simply answers, unsure.

“Don’t worry! I will be first, then!” [Name] talks about what he likes and what he does on his free time, in which Armin listens carefully. The patient is interested by the other young man— inexplicably interested.

After that, Armin doesn’t have much problem talking about himself. [Name] takes notes the blond likes books— what type, in which the [hair color] haired boy decides to maybe bring something for him, if it’s allowed. Both of them talk and talk, until [Name] notices Armin’s tired eyes trying to stay opened. The [eye color]-eyed place his hand on the other’s, giving a soft squish, making Armin a little surprised.

“I’m looking forward to meet you again, Armin.” [Name] says confidently, smiling. Armin only looks at him with his eyes widened, surprise by the action. Before he could say something, he hears a door opening, revealing Dr. Jaeger form.

“The session is over.” Zeke says, with a inexplicably look on his eyes. He is trying to suppress a smirk appearing on his face, unknown by everyone.

[Name] nods at the doctor, looking at Armin. “Well then, see you later, Armin.” And after that, the gentle young man leaves with the doctor, not before sending a smile to Armin.

Armin only looks at his hand, where the other’s has been. He softly touches it, trying to remember the touch. He just looks at his hand, thinking about something. So gentle…

I want to feel him again.

。。。。。。。。。。。。

“Was— Was I good enough?” A certain [hair color] haired boy asks, playing with his hands.

The blond man laughs, looking at the other’s nervous form. “You were great, [Name].” He smiles, eyeing in interest.

He sure is interesting…

What are u working on rn?

since i finished (finally) chapter 9 of rma, i’ll try to get empty chapter three, but i cant guarantee anything :C

Please! 🙏🏽Make Empty rise from the ashes like a phoenix 🦅🦅

im gonna take your hand when i say this but that is very unlikely (꒦ີ﹏꒦ີ｡) that story makes me cringe so i NEED to rewrite it (even though my writing hasn't improved LOL), but it just makes me ugggghh and it is so damn long LOL. i would love to continue it, but for now it's in the limbo until i get around it.......

save us all

[shingeki no kyojin | one shot; 4,892 words] [genderneutral! timetraveler! reader] | gen; no pairings. summary: Every time you see them die. You promised someday, you will save them all. wanings/notes: Time Loop, Murder, Self-Harm, Suicide, Betrayal, Violence, Blood, Mental Instability, Mental Breakdown... I think you know this is going to be dark af. Also, horrible grammar, this is messy af, sorry! ;; inspired by higurashi no naku koro ni!

You didn't know when it all began— it seemed too far away, far from your reach. You felt as if it were years when it all went to this nightmare, this horror. This was far worse than just being eaten by a titan; no, being eaten was mercy.

And what nightmare were you living in? At the time you would have laughed of something so ridiculous— impossible to even think about. But here you are, suffering until the end, if there was any.

Was this purgatory?

Your first memories come back to you, little by little. Remembering your innocence, your life before this... It all seemed normal.

"Hey, [Name]! Breakfast is ready!" You heard Eren yell, coming outside just where you were sitting on a bench, looking at the blue sky. "What are you doing here all along anyways? I thought you were with horse face."

Letting out a laugh, you didn't leave your gaze from the clouds. "Just watching the sky. It's beautiful today, isn't it?"

The brunette frowns, confused by your answer. He always sees the sky everyday; what was different from it today? Looking beneath him, he could only spot the same blue and white. It looked cleared; but nothing out of normal... He returned his gaze at you again, seeing how you are still looking at the sky.

"I don't see any difference, really," he approaches you, looking at you with curiosity, "what's different from usual?"

The small smile on your face doesn't leave— neither does your eyes on the sky. Eren could see as if you were looking at something precious or amazing, a thing he couldn't see.

"I can't explain it. It looks... different. Maybe is the color? Or maybe the clouds? Something is lively, like something is coming."

The titan shifter blinks a little weirded out by your answer. He didn't get any hint like that with just looking at the sky— maybe you were overthinking things? Or you were nervous by the upcoming expedition? It could be. Nevertheless, taking a good look at your face made him notice that you were different. Maybe he couldn't notice the differences on the sky, but he could with you. You were comrades after all.

You looked... at peace. As if nothing in the world was bothering you; just you and him... He felt in a trance.

"We are going to miss breakfast, Eren." Your voice snapped him from his dream, and both of you looked at each other, "Come on, Sasha is going to eat our food." You finished, laughing quietly. He just nodded, still a little out of it, watching you walk to the barracks and waiting for him at the door. He quickly went to your side, taking a last glance at the sky before entering.

Ah, yes... That was the beginning of everything. Or just one of the oldest memories you have; there were too many. Sighing, the upcoming images make you tense, relieving one of the many pasts.

A certain expedition that went horribly wrong; at that time, maybe the sky was really telling you something. Bur no matter how you many things you changed, someone always had to be gone. Always. Your comrades, the Squad Leaders, the Commander... Even if you could keep going with one of them dying, your heart full of guilt couldn't let you. No— they all had to live, for humanity's sake.

"Haha! I bet horse face is going to wet his pants this time!" Eren mockingly says, grinning like a child. Armin besides him lets out a sigh, murmuring "Not again..."

A certain horse face heard that, stopping your conversation and instantly turned his face where the brunette was, smiling. "I heard that, you—!"

Before anything could be uncontrollable, you hissed at the two, "Both of you, stop! We are being watched! Can you at least be decent, for our reputation sake?"

Reiner, who was beside you, agreed with you, "[Name] is right. You two look like children fighting like that." You nodded your head, pouting slightly. Yeah, hearing his fights was funny, but at a time like this, were you are just going to leave the walls, was a big no. "We have to look like soldiers, but I guess with your clown looks... it's hard." He smiled, looking proud. You let out a chuckle, before being silenced by the murderous glare a certain corporal gave the two of you.

"Oi, all of you." You all gulped, looking terrified, "You better shut the hell up or I will punish all of you right now." You hurriedly nodded, sweating. He just sent a last hard glare to you, before returning to his talk with Hange.

You let out a sigh you were holding. It was nice to joke before going outside the walls; you needed to forget the terrors and horrors you will face there. And just by thinking that, your body tensed, you gripped the horse' harness and your mouth was pressed in a thin line. Reiner, who wanted to murmur you something, noticed your state, and tried to help you out.

"Hey, calm down. Nothing bad is going to happen to us. We are on the same squad, right? Look, if anything happens, I'm with you." He reassured, placing his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it. The warm touch and words made you less anxious, but the preoccupation was still there. You turned at him with a smile, nodding. He gave you one of his "hero" smiles and let go of you, returning his attention to the gate when the commander's voice could be heard.

"Open the gates!"

Gates opening, you could see the field; no titans near, but you knew they were there.

And so, the expedition began.

And you hoped for the best.

Red. Crimson. Scarlet.

All across the field; on the trees, the grass. On you.

Where did it go horribly wrong? What just happened? Why were you the last one alive?

Everyone was dead— you could see them all in front of you. The commander, the corporal, Eren, Mikasa, Jean... The sight was gruesome; the smell penetrated your nose fossils, but the sight was more horrifying than the smell.

Some of your friends were bitten; you could see Mikasa's guts all around her. She has an terrified expression on her face, but her eyes were spotted on someone else. That someone else, was Eren. Strangely, his own blade was penetrating in his head; head that was broken and open. His eyes were stuck on the only source of light; an open spot on the trees, letting you see the blue sky.

You didn't want to see in detail how Jean, Connie, Sasha and Armin were... You just knew they were as mutilated as them. You didn't see Reiner or Bertholth here, but your thoughts only made you think they had the same fate as them.

Your comrades, your friends, all gone. Were you the last one remaining of this expedition? You were sure.

How— How that many titans can spot you so easily? And why did all of you got wiped out? How was that even possible?

You remember Reiner's promise, how he smiled at you and reassured you everything was going to be okay. You tried to comfort yourself; but the cries you let out were impossible to hold. At anytime a titan would hear you and end your life, but you didn't care at all. What was the purpose when your friends are dead? You didn't had your horse or any energy to fight.

This was humanity's end.

Crying, you didn't hear loud steps approaching you, until a big hand grabbed you, squeezing your form.

You didn't want to look at it's face; the terrifying eyes the monster would have; the smile it would gave you. You just prayed there was a better place than this hell, where you would reunite with your friends.

You could feel pain, and then, everything went black.

。。。。。。。

" Hey, [Name]! Breakfast is ready!"

Uh?! What? You opened your eyes and frenetically looked around you; you were at the same spot a few days ago!

"What are you doing here all alone anyways? I thought you were with horse face." You heard Eren's voice near you. "What's with that face? You look scared of something, are you alright?" He asked, his face showing worry. He approached you, placing his hand on your shoulder.

Was all of it... a dream? But it felt too real!

"[Name]...?"

Snapping from your thoughts, you looked at him, not sure how to answer the question, You just blinked, until something came out from your mouth. "I'm... alright," you said, "I think I had the longest dream. It felt too real, and it wasn't very nice."

"What was it all about?" he asked, sitting on the bench.

It was weird how easy was to remember the horror; it felt like a memory— something you once lived before. But that was impossible; it was a dream. "I dreamed about how we failed the next expedition..." you answered, feeling anxious about it. You were unnerved at how you could feel the terror, how you could smell the corpses of your friends. You were sure the smell was still around. "We all got wiped out, no one was alive."

Eren didn't find the exact words to give you. Nevertheless, his fighting spirit didn't let you down, giving you the best words he could find. "Dreams are just dreams! Something like that isn't going to happen, I assure you!" Seeing how you were still tensed, he tried to joke, "Look, we all can hear horse face dreaming about being with Mikasa, and that will never happen."

You giggled, feeling a little better. Maybe he was right; dreams are just dreams. Nothing like that will come true— it was just a nightmare.

Sighing, you relaxed and got up from the bench, looking happier than you were before. "Come on, Eren! Sasha will eat our breakfast if we don't hurry up," you took his hands and walked to the barracks, and before entering you muttered a thank you, which he just smiled in reply.

Sadly, you didn't know that nightmare was the hell you were going to live in.

You laughed. How foolish for you to believe that.

It wasn't a dream, it was one of your destinies. A fate you can't escape.

Everything went to hell again; your friends were all killed, either eaten alive or mutilated. It was the exact same image from your nightmare.

And every time a titan ate you, you always woke up on the same place at the bench, hearing Eren's voice near you.

What was the purpose of all of this? How was it possible? You tried every other way to help everybody; but there was always someone dying I front of you— and that wasn't how was supposed to be. You knew all of your friends could live— but how?

You opened your eyes to see the same damn sky. The past went horribly wrong, as always — your squad wiped out, Reiner was gone, Sasha was eaten along with Christa. There wasn't a trace of Ymir and Connie anywhere. You couldn't save them; and your mental health deteriorated when you remembered the amount of corpses on the field; Sasha's mutilated body— only her head and torso remained. Little Christa's head was the only thing you could save of her. How her lifeless eyes stared at nothing when you hold her, crying and screaming.

You began to hyperventilate— you couldn't find how to breathe. You took your head with your hands, not caring of your nails piercing your skin, and let out an horrifying scream a certain brunette heard.

Eren ran to you, scared by your scream.

"What is happening?! [Name] why are you screaming?!"

Your couldn't control your body. It was like a meltdown going on; your brain was melting, you saw the same images again and again. There was a parasite crumbling on your body, getting inside your head— you had to put it out.

out out out out

The horrifying screams never ceased, even when Eren shakes you and tried to get you to snap out of it.

You don't remember anything after that.

Haha, how could you forget the time when your friends murdered you... Something unbelievable to you at that time— comrades wouldn't do that. Only a barbaric animal would. Only a beast could do something like they did.

You just wanted some peace for once, and thankfully, the lake far from the barracks was an option. After several breakdowns, you damaged mind remembered this place— a beautiful lake hidden in the forest's deeps.

Just hearing the signing of the birds, the wind... made you recover some sanity you had once forgotten. Reviving everytime to just see everyone die was consuming your mind; maybe this was your 45th time... how could you be so sure? It maybe was your 100th time. 'Time' was unknown now.

You were relaxing sitting against a tree, well hidden between some bushes, just to not be spotted and irritated if so.

But obviously, someone has to do so.

You could hear steps coming near you— then stopping tight where the lake was. You had a nice vision to the lake, so you spotted right away who was there.

"Bertholt?"

He seemed nervous, looking around. Thanks to the bushes you couldn't be spotted, but you silently shifted and crouched. You were curious— sometimes you always saw Bertholt and Reiner going to the forest in the night, and you always wondered for what.

The one you both were waiting for appeared, with an uncharacteristic serious expression. Are they fighting? Weren't they having breakfast together this morning?

"Did you study the formations?" Reiner asked, arms crossed.

The brunette nodded, a little nervous, "We heard Eren is going to be in the right flank, right?"

"Yes, and the Corporal is going to be at the center, so he is far away from him. Annie should easily get Eren."

What are they talking about? Kidnap Eren? Why...

Sudden memories from Hange's titans came to you— how there was rumored someone killed them.

It—It was Annie! But why? Why they want to get Eren?

"Reiner... Trost District got closed. We have to destroy all the walls for once— it's been too long!"

"You think I don't know that? Once Annie get's Eren, our plan to break wall Maria is on. We have to play this carefully, Bertholth."

No.... nonono..

Break the walls? What do they mean by that? The only monsters who broke them were...

The Colossal and the Armored...

And they are...

Reiner and Bertholt.

They are titan shifters! Annie as well! And they want to get Eren! So the expedition is going to hell because of them— they are the goddamn reason.

You had to get away from them— they weren't your friends, they were just masks. They want to get humanity extinct! You had to inform this immediately.

As silently as you could, you tried to stand up, but a stupid branch had to broke under your foot, making them instantly look at your direction.

You were dead, again.

"Who's there?!" Reiner frenetically yelled, running to where you were hiding. What was the purpose to run? You were going to live anyways.

"[Name]..." The blond murmured your name, looking shamefully at you, "how much did you hear?"

Instantly you replied, "enough to know you are the reason for all of our deaths." You looked hurt, but you were angry and furious.

"You didn't have to hear that." He said, grabbing your arm to get you up, which you comply without complaining. He took notice of your uncaring but upset nature— weirding him out.

When the blond and you approached the brunette, Bertholt's eyes widened, and he was sweating like a pig.

"[N—[Name]!" The taller exclaimed, not believing you were there, caught. "You–We—"

"Save it." you said, "why are you killing us? Aren't we friends, Reiner? Weren't you the fucking 'big bro' from the squad, you piece of fucking shit?" you glared at them— not caring if you were dying by their hands.

"We—We are friends! Don't— Don't look at us like that, [Name]..." the blond said, averting your gaze.

"Then how in the fuck I have to see you? With spark in my eyes? With admiration? You two are the monsters all of us are afraid of!"

They just tensed by your words, like children. But these little children were going to kill you soon, so you just yelled anything you could.

"You killed Eren's mother! Armin's grandpa!" you tightly swallowed, holding your tears, "my family! You are murderers! How do I have to look at you, Reiner?! Tell me!"

"Nobody wants to do this!" Reiner yelled at you, but you just glared fiercely at him. "Do you think we wanted this?! To kill our friends?! Nobody wants that!"

"Then what's the reason?! Why are you doing this?!"

Reiner didn't answer you, so your attention changed to Bertholt, who was tensed and sweating. "Bertholt, why? Why are you killing us? Where are you taking Eren?" but the taller man just averted your gaze like the coward he is. "Look at me, you piece of shit! Answer me!"

But no answer came.

"Mina, Thomas, Samuel, Hannah... all of them died, but for what? By pieces of shit like you?" You began to cry, remembering your friends who didn't make it. "You played with us— you are no big brothers..."

The people you riled on to for years were just fakers. Murderers, people who killed your friends, your family, and you.

"You are our friends— really... We have to do this, [Name]. We can't go back if we don't."

"Go back to where? All about your 'home town' is bullshit. Where is your shitty home anyways?"

"We can't tell you that—"

"Fuck you. You are going to kill me anyways, you big liar."

"[Name]..."

"Fuck you, Reiner. Fuck you, Bertholt. And fuck your hometown too, murderers." You tried to back off, but Reiner got a hold on you, and you knew these were your last moments.

"You can't go, [Name]." Reiner's face changed completely to one you never saw before, he wasn't seeing you as the friend he had to kill; he was seeing the trash he had to take care of, "as my duty as a warrior, I have to take down our targets."

"Warrior? More like a piece of shit, you fucker, get your hands off of me!" you tried to struggle, but he was bigger than you.

You took a glimpse of Bertholt, and the coward was crying and apologizing to you repeatedly.

"I'm sorry, [Name]. We are sorry, so sorry—"

You just let the tears came, and looked at Reiner and tried to look at him as the friend he was, and not the murder he became, but that wasn't possible.

You struggled as best as you could— giving kicks, punching him, but there was no use. He slammed you on the floor, making him get over you.

"This shouldn't have to be like this."

"But it is."

He grabbed your head with both of his hands, and smashed your head against a rock nearby. Over and over— you were sure your skull could be visible, blood coming from your injuries and getting on your face. You only could catch glimpses of someone's tears and hear the apologies from somebody...

And then, they could saw your lifeless eyes.

The dump your body to the hill, where any animal could eat and destroy your rests, so nobody could find you.

Suicide wasn't the answer either.

"I'm helping breakfast today." You said with no enthusiasm whatsoever — you were dead inside.

"Sure thing, [Name]! But, uhm," Christa approaches you, and gently laid her hands on yours, "are you alright? You have been down lately."

You let our an empty laugh, "I'm alright, Christa. Nothing to worry about." You took off her hands and went to the mess hall, spotting Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie... and the bastards too.

The blond titan shifter waved at you, which you only glared at him with all the hatred you could sent, making him surprised and taken aback. Everyone saw the interaction— and they wondered what did Reiner do to you to glare at him like that.

They saw as you went into the kitchen, allowing them to gossip.

"Yoooo, what was that just now?" Connie asked, "[Name] glared at you and almost murders you!"

"Now what did you do? I have never saw [Name] doing something like that to anybody. You must had done something very shitty." Jean interfered, looking interested.

"I didn't do anything! I haven't talked to [Name] lately..." Reiner answered, trying to recall any comment he should have said to make you angry, but nothing came.

"Well, [Name] is pissed." Connie said.

"I don't want to gossip but," Armin spoke, "[Name] has been very upset lately."

Everyone agreed.

"They don't talk much." Mikasa said.

"They don't get out of their room."

"They are paler."

"They are angry every time we talk to them."

"They cry at night."

Everyone turned at the new voice coming in, wich was from the Corporal himself. Everyone stood up and saluted, but relaxed at the command of Levi.

"Surprising you noticed finally, isn't them your friend?" the shorter man asked, sitting down. "It's none of my business but your friend looks like complete shit."

It was true. You looked sick and tired most of the time. You didn't talk much, so they didn't get any answers or reasons for your change of behavior.

"We should do something for them!" Connie said, with enthusiasm all over his voice.

"Like what, baldy? A hug party?" Jean joked, gaining a playfully punch from the short soldier.

"We should do... uhm... I don't know..." Connie mumbled, less excited. What could be a good gift for you anyways? There weren't a lot of options.

"We should follow Jean's advice," Reiner joked, "maybe that could do something."

"This is serious! We have to do something!"

"What if—"

A female scream interrupted the talk, making them turn at the kitchen, where the cry was heard.

"Was that Sasha?"

The screams keep going, but this wasn't one of the normal Sasha's screams she let out jokingly, these were of absolute terror.

The one who instantly reacted was the corporal, flying out of his seat to go to the kitchen. And when he entered, everyone heard what he said,

"What the fuck happen?!" He took the door frame and turned, "someone get Hange right now!", and he entered the kitchen once again.

Armin quickly left the mess hall, taking Levi's order.

Everyone was worried, so they went to the kitchen to know what was happening.

The sight was horrifying.

Blood on the floor— YOUR blood. You were lying on the floor, with a kitchen knife in your stomach. There were countless of deep injuries on your stomach; they could see them thanks to the torn shirt. You were pouring blood from your injuries, mouth and nose, and your eyes were getting unfocused.

"What—What happened?" Jean was the only one who could articulate something with the sight in front of him. Everyone was in shock, some covering their mouths, not believing the scene.

Sasha just cried, trying to explain, "I—I don't know! They—They—" She couldn't finish, she was crying harder and she was gasping for air.

Mikasa rushed to her, trying to be strong and help her. "Sasha, look at me." Mikasa took Sasha's face and made her turn, meeting with her watery eyes, "Calm down, what happened?"

"[Name] just began to stab themselves! Without a reason!!" she exclaimed, "They were helping me with the food, but—but they just did it out of nowhere!"

The corporal tried to stop the multiple bleeding— trying not to touch the knife in your stomach.

"What the fuck, [Last Name]?! What is the reason of this?" The Corporal tried to comprehend, but he just couldn't. You let out an empty laugh, your eyes glued on the ceiling.

"I just... want to... rest..." you coughed, blood dripping your mouth.

The one who were crying their eyes out where Connie and Sasha– Mikasa tried her best to control the two, but they were desperately sobbing. Eren was in shock; the brunette couldn't understand the scene before him. Why did you something so horrible to yourself? He couldn't understand anything.

Reiner and Bertolt couldn't believe it either. The blonde tried to approach you, but the corporal quickly yelled orders to not get near you. Reiner wanted to help you– save you. Just... what was on your mind these past few days?

Bertolt never thought of you harming yourself like that. He always looked upon you because of your determination and braveness— he never in a million years would have imagined this scene in front of him.

Jean covered his mouth in shock; his widened eyes couldn't bear the sight of you, so he just averted it completely. His mind couldn't process the sight, but he tried to calm himself.

Everything was in chaos— sobs and cries could be heard coming out from the kitchen. No one could think clearly, and when Hange and Armin got there, it was already too late.

You remember telling the commander about Reiner's and Bertolt's betrayal, but everything went to shit. The strategy to take them down was a complete failure, nothing could be done against their titans. They killed everyone, taking Eren with them. Like every time, you were the only one left, surrendered by the bodies of your comrades.

"Why... just why? Reiner... Bertolt... why are you killing us...?" you hopelessly pleaded for an answer, crouching on the grass. "What's the purpose of killing us?"

They just stared at you, in shame or disgust? You really didn't care no more. Eren was unconscious on Bertolt's back.

"Answer me!" You punched the dirt, "why are you doing all of this?! Why do you want to erase us from this world!?"

"We don't want to do this!" Bertolt desperately yells.

"Then who is making you?!"

Silence. They never answer– they never say something about their origins, leaving you in the dark.

Reiner speaks, but he isn't the Reiner you know. This one sounds evil, different— vile.

"We have to kill all of your devil race, including you. We can't let dirty spawns of the devil alive– is our task to take all of you down. It's our duty as warriors."

Devils? Warriors? Spawn of the devil?

"Reiner... What are you even talking about? The only devils I see are you both."

Bertolt averts your gaze, the big coward. Reiner looks like he is fighting himself— he crouches in front of you, taking his head with both of his hands. You truly believe something is wrong with him– something deeper than just a game of pretend.

"Please [Name]... please forgive me, I didn't want to do any of this... please..." Reiner looks so pathetic, taking your hand between his', kneeling. Tears came out from his eyes, and he looks desperately at you for forgiveness, something that you couldn't give.

You look at Bertolt for an answer, but he only lets himself look at the floor, ashamed. He looks scared– he is crying too, but his sobs are silent.

These two doesn't look like they just won a battle; they look like terrified children.

"Please [Name]..." Bertolt speaks, "find us."

Somehow, at that moment, you could understand that these two weren't the only responsible for this nightmare. They didn't look like they were enjoying winning— they looked miserable.

You finally understood.

"Someday, I will find us all."

Taking your blade, Bertolt looks worried and tries to take Reiner back, but your actions just shock both of them to the core.

You stab yourself, over and over, and Reiner and Bertolt can't just do anything but watch in horror.

With a last stab, you breathlessly say,

"See you later..."

Nothing worked. Even if you tried to talk to them, it never went well. There was no way for them to cooperate — every time they eliminated you with these regretful looks on their faces. It was a waste of time— they were determinated to not back off from their plan.

You sigh, exhausted. You can't count how many times have you 'revived'. It feels like many years have passed, and honestly, you don't even know how much you can take. This hurts, every time you see your comrades die in front of you, every time your friends kill you... you don't have answers, they refuse to give answers. You are in the dark, alone and broken, but you are the only one who can help you stand and go again.

You look at the sky— feeling peace. Maybe this time will be different. The sky doesn't look the same as before... there's something different.

You try to remember the good old times, but you seem to forgot them. Nightmares replace them, leaving you in pain. There are no more 'good times', and even if you want to finish all of this, it's impossible.

But you promised to find us all.

And a promise can't be broken.

Someday... you will save us all.

"Hey [Name]! Breakfast is ready!"

I'm in love with Reiss Mental Asylum! Keep doin what ur doin :)💗💗

Thank you so much!!! 😭😭😭 i appreciate it a lot!

updates are soo slow and I’m sorry about that ): i hope i can get my unmotivated ass to write regularly! 😭

Male x Male reader blogs Suggestions

So, these are just some male reader blogs that I know of!

@softboy5393 - They are a really good friend of mines and writes amazing male reader stories. They'll also write trans.

@marilynmonroefanfics - if you like reading headcannons, then this blog is for you! He does take a while to do it but in the end, it's worth the wait.

@chaoticforever - If you like reading yandere males x male reader, this is the blog for you!

@pietroshusband and @callmeshakespurr - they are new authors on the scene! Go show them support!

@iliumheightnights - You like reading fluff and angst (happy ending) then this one is for you!

@clouddd-hannn - Like Kpop? Then this one is for you! They write amazing Kpop males x male reader

@bnha-dumpster - Like dark stuff (the REALLY, REALLY dark stuff) then this one is for you! (Though, proceed with caution on this one.)

@bubble-tea-bee - Like slashers? This blog is for you then (You must be 17 years or older, its is part of their rules)

@n0irrrr - Attack on Titan? This blog is for you!

Honorable mentions: @mlm-writer @davidlikesboys02 @bonnyskies @myfeetkeepdancing @malereader-inserts @onionsaremeansstuff @patrickswhore @malexmalereader @undercoveravenger @theotakusupreme-h1dd3n @syiano

feel free to put your suggestions!