Flower Curse | C. Look For The Doctor

e m p t y / 11

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter eleven training

Looking around, the taller male tries to see if anybody is watching him, and when he decides he's safe, Jean can't help himself to check out the body from his friend next to him— [Name]. He's not paying attention to him, so Jean was safe to see all the wanted. He has noticed he have matured enough, but he is taller than [Name] and stronger.

His soft skin looks nice — he wondered if it was easily to mark... his hair looked smooth, too. He wanted to smell it– remembering those days when they were kids he always thought [Name] smelled nice.

Jean's eyes could help but wander more on his body, but before he could get any lower, he noticed something just behind [Name]'s shoulder— a mark?

The two-toned haired male tries to look at it carefully, but someone came out of nowhere talking loudly, scaring him.

"Yo, [Name]!" A short guy yells, approaching both. Turning, he recognize is Connie. "What is that on your shoulder? Is that a mark?" He says, looking right on his shoulder.

"Uh? What?" [Name] asks, confused. He tries to look behind his shoulder, but he can't see anything. "What is it?"

"You don't know? It looks like a mark!"

"A mark?"

"Hmn... it looks like... a wing?? Nah..."

Someone else speaks, interested by the subject. Is a big blonde– Reiner. "It looks like... a crown." He says lowly, narrowing his eyes. He turns to see his brunette friend, who looks nervously at him in return.

"Well, possibly. It does look like it, though..." Jean speaks thoughtfully.

[Name] tilts his head, completely oblivious he had that. "I don't remember anyone telling me I had one..."

Connie raises and eyebrow, "no? not even your parents?"

[Name] stays quiet by the question, and Connie notices right away he asked something uncomfortable.

"S–Sorry! Forget that!"

"Way to go, baldy."

"Hey! I didn't think much of it!"

[Name] shakes his head, "It's alright. No, I don't think they told me."

"Well, that's a cool mark!"

"...Thank you?"

"You don't remember having it before?" Reiner asks, looking at it carefully.

[Name] shakes his head, wondering if he could remember about it– but a sharp pain in his head stops him. Grunting, [Name] places a hand on his head, trying to relieve the pain.

Everyone can see his discomfort, but is Jean the first one to ask. "Your head again?

"Yeah..."

"You have headaches a lot, uh?" Reiner asks.

"Sometimes," he rubs his forehead, but stops when he realizes something, looking at the teenagers with narrowed eyes, "but... how all of you noticed my mark?"

"Because it was noticeable!" Connie responds enthusiastically.

"...So you were watching me while I'm showering...?"

"Ah—! Well, hehe..." Connie begins to laugh, and Bertolt, Reiner and Jean avert your gaze, face blushing.

[Name] touches his mark, wondering. Who was I? He turns to Jean, who is averting his gaze, embarrassed, "can you draw it? I want to see it."

His friend just gulps, trying to act normal. "Oh, sure."

Eren just saw their interaction from far away, pouting and frowning like a child.

"You should stop watching... it's awkward..."

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First training was about practicing with the balance of the ODM. As he could see, Jean and Marco were doing great— but Eren... not so much. The brunette was upside down with an horrifying expression plastered on his face. It was obvious in [Name]'s eyes he was utterly embarrassed and horrified of what was just happening to him— [Name] could only watch in worry as everyone around let out snickering comments about his friend's state as the instructor yelled at him.

"Cadet Knight! It's your turn!" One of the instructors shouted, turning to see [Name] already coming his way, watching his friend in worry. He got in place, one of the cadets placing the wires on his belt. [Name] tried to not tense too much, but as soon as the cadet began to lift him in the air, [Name] couldn't stop feeling so... uncomfortable. He couldn't get used to it as quickly as Mikasa did— it was so... tight. He couldn't stop staggering around, much to his dismay. And to top things up, a migraine was appearing, making it more difficult than it already was.

Nevertheless, the teenager tried his best to not fall. But it was clear the practice was difficult to him.

"You just barely made it," Shadis spoke to him, "you better change your pathetic attempt or you are leaving along with cadet Jäeger!"

Hearing the yells, Eren, who was still upside down, looked besides him to see [Name] having trouble too. He just grew more worried about the future in the military— their future. What if one of them had to go and couldn't see each other again?! He wouldn't allow that!

I̷̡͎̱̭͙͎̠̒̎̍̌̈́ͅ ̴̨̘͍͖̘̼̲̐͑͐̃̐͘͝͝͝͠t̷̨̆̎̽̃͆͂̚o̶̧̢̥͍̗̩͓̘̫̙̮͊̀͋̂͌̇ͅļ̴̧̨̱͉͔̭̬̘͎̣̈̐͋͆̒̎͑̊̆͗̚ͅd̴̢̧͕̟̫͕̲̙̳̬͎̣̥̓͐̕ ̵̧̼͔̠͔̗̞̋̽̿͌͌͑̔̓̇̓̆̽̓y̸̭̺̖͓͉̔͂͋̅́̑̈́͊̆̚͘̚̚͝ǫ̷̛̽̿̑̈́̈̒͘͠͠ǘ̸̼͖̝̬͖̮̥͕̈́̀̀͐̂̑ ̴̧̧̢͉͍̙͓͕̙̲̻̖͊̒̾̃t̵̛̯̦̋̈́̇͌͗̿͘̚͠ḧ̶̹̭̹̱̞̗̖̻͈̟̫́̋̅̑̒͗̽̔̇̚̚i̷̧͕̜̱̓̾̿͛̔̂̍̍̒̓̚̕͝s̶̨̢͕̺̻̜̤̬̑̌̍̏̃̎̚ ̴͓̒̉͝ͅb̸͎̲̜̓͊̏̈̋̊͑̈̄͑̊͜͝͝͝r̸̢̡̧͎͔̺̭̫̼̼̘͎̬̓ä̴̧͈͙̼̤͈̹͖̝̜͉̭͚̊͜ͅṫ̵̡̤̻̰̋́̓̽̕͘̚͝ ̷̢͖̭̪̮̻͇̤̦̘̩̹̅̿̈̈́̌͘͘͝w̷̧̛̱͈̫̙̲͖͉͖̲̘͓̳̉̑̔͊̅̍̿̚ā̴̡̧̻̬͖̫͇͎̃͑̽͜s̴̛̜̭̱̦̲̮͎̞̼̆̕n̷̢̧̯͙͉̫͖̠̙͙̰̙͍͐̈́̏͐̈́̆̇̑͝'̸̡̢̨̛̠̘͖͍͈̥͈̗̦̭̈́̾̾͊̄̓̚͝͝ͅţ̸͇̞̞̒͊͌̃͊̉͂̂̅̾̚͝͝ ̷͔͉̪̠͖̾̉̈͑̈́̋̐̍̓̚͜m̴̨̛ư̵̜̩̭̲̞̬͚̱̮͚̘̾̌͒̃̋̈́͋c̸̢̟̭͈̹͎̮̠͕̾͐̌̿͠h̶̦͖̟͇̻͖͓̮͔̝̖̫͔̄̓̆͒̂̀͌̊̍̚͠͝ͅ ̶̨̧͔̗̱̠̦̫͔̱̅̂ǫ̸̥̫̹̬̣̯͙̪̲͇̌͒̓͊̈́̊̽͒͒͘f̵̻͍̮̯̖̪̹̭̈́̏͒͗͗̊́̕͝ ̸̛̜̮͒͐̽̈́̈͆͌̉̐̽͝ą̶̠͎͉̟̟̜̭̜̥͓̾ͅ ̴̢̛̻͆̐̑̾̆̉̾̿̑̏͆͠͝h̶͉̞̉̏͘ę̷̬͇̟͙̬̭̹̺͉̺͖̦͖͓̓ľ̵̝̲̗̾̓͌̒ͅp̵̛̙̯͕̝̰̹͂̂̿̉̈́̈̇̒̎͘̚.̴̨̬̻̥̲̼̦̫̬̲͙͉͉͌̂̑̒̓̽̕͝

[Name] felt irritated. What was the issue with him? As it was an new thing, maybe he didn't get use to it right away...

"Don't worry, [Name]! I'm sure you will get it right next time!" Marco tried to comfort him with his precious smile, but [Name] was already in a bad mood. The frown made it quite clear.

"Well, seems [Name] didn't make it in the first try," Jean was surprised his friend hadn't made it the first time. But he could recognize the way he grit his teeth and frowned was because he was having one of his usual headaches. "Did your head hurt?"

Sighing, [Name] just nods as an answer, rubbing the back of his head. He couldn't deny hearing harsh whispers right on his ear, a voice that could have belonged to a man with a gruffly voice. [Name] didn't hear quite well what it said, but it got in his nerves nevertheless.

”Looks like Eren is having it worse...” Armin says, smiling awkwardly at his friend. [Name] can see the brunette still trying, but failing every time. It was not a great scene to see, less when everyone was looking at him in mocking way.

”Pff, and there goes “the weak have to go”, HAHAHA!” Jean jokes, laughing like a maniac. [Name] just sees him with an raised eyebrow, amused by such ridiculous behavior. Was he always this dumb?

[Name] sighs, passing a head trough his hair, ”guess I have to worry about myself...” Jean notices his irritation, and he hugs his shoulder and speaks in a weird tone.

”Heeeey,” Jean pats his head with his grin, “don’t worry— PRO Jean knows everything and you are in luck— I’m not charging you.”

[Name] snorts, “is that so? How nice of you.” Hugging his arm, [Name] rests his head on Jean’s shoulder, looking at him with a playful smile. This only breaks Jean’s facade, seeing his blush and stuttering.

Armin just sees with widening eyes and a blush, same with Marco. It’s... amusing seeing [Name] so lively, after being in a bad mood.

"I'm hungry. When is lunch time?" [Name] yawns, letting go Jean's arm. The migraine was still there, but less painful. He somehow had to bear with them as nothing else could help but a cold shower. Maybe he could go to the infirmary later to find anything.

Eren, who somehow finished his awful practice, approaches Armin but not before giving [Name] a weird look. The [hair color] haired stares at him silently, not sure what to say. It's obvious the air had become awkward— there's silence. The brunette frowns, pressing his lips into a thin line, seeming to decide not say whatever he was thinking.

"Let's go." It's the only thing he says, already walking away without Armin. The blonde waves at [Name] before leaving, sending an apologetic smile. [Name] just stands there with a frown, feeling upset once more.

Maybe I should have said something. He thinks, his expression changing to his dull usual eyes and crosses his arms. Sighing, he can't help but being angry at the situation.

The freckled boy can't help but notice the tension, and with prying eyes he looks at [Name]. "Hmn, is something wrong between you two?"

Jean snorts, "of course there is— that suicidal maniac is also a jackass."

"I want to sleep." [Name] states, already walking away. Jean grabs his wrist, pulling him back.

"No you won't! You have to eat dinner first!" Jean yells at him, “I can’t believe I have to be your babysitter!”

”I’m not making you," he pouts, "you are doing it because you want to."

The taller teenager just clench his teeth and grunt, a faint pink painting his face. This cute little shit—

"[Name]! Eating is important!" Marco says worriedly, "if you don't you will be more tired tomorrow..."

The sleepy teenager just sighed and gave in. Eating didn't sound so good when the food was that cold—he already missed his mom's cooking. When will they be able to visit their family?

The trio walked to the dinner hall, Marco and [Name] doing most of the talking while Jean just wondered.

Jean believed if [Name] lived by himself he wouldn't do anything but sleep one week if he could. That careless idiot! If I weren't here with him who would take care of him?! He knew one day he wouldn't be at his side once they graduate. The thought only upset him, squeezing [Name]'s hand for no reason. The amnesiac boy looked at him with curiosity, but squeezed back without a word.

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It wasn't a secret Mikasa was satisfied with how her brother was acting. She knew that day was traumatic— they lost their mother, their father was missing and they believed [Name] was gone for good, even if they didn't say it out loud. But getting angry at him wasn't justified. She knew Eren could get emotional even if he didn't admit it, but it was a clear his feelings controlled him most of the time.

"Eren, you know what you are doing is immature, right?" Armin tries to keep up with the fast speed Eren is walking— he looks troubled. Nevertheless, the blond tries to speak with in a soft tone.

Seeing his silent treatment, Mikasa frowns and speaks, "[Name] is hurt by what you are doing."

"Really?! And then why isn't he coming to apologize?!" He turns to see her angrily.

"For what?" She changes her tone to one much harsher, "he didn't leave us— did you look for him first when the colossal titan broke the wall?" Mikasa says with narrowed eyes, staring right at Eren.

The brunette shuts his mouth, not being able to answer. It was true— his first thought was his mom, not [Name]. But it was completely fine his thoughts were like that. He grits his teeth, turning to walk once more. "Whatever!"

"You will make things right— apologize. What you said to him was uncalled for."

”Eren... [Name] is here, with us.” Armin spoke, “there was a chance he wouldn’t be here— can you imagine that? You should be happy we are together again...”

The brunette grunts, looking as if he didn't care, but in reality, he certainly did. “I have more important things to do right now.”

The two friends look at each other, sighing. Eren could be a thick head when he wanted.

"Hopefully this won't be long."

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As [Name] was changing to more comfortable clothes, he could see Eren (with a bandage around his head) desperately trying to get help with Jean and a kid named Connie. The [hair color] haired knew that wasn’t going work at all, seeing Jean not liking Eren one a bit.

Strangely, [Name] wasn’t too bothered by his horribly practice. At first he was troubled, but he deducted with a few more chances to get used with the gear he would be fine. He didn’t feel desperate— after all, Beatrice always told him that keeping a cool head was better.

”Maybe we can try tomorrow morning before practice,” Marco smiles, looking at [Name], "you can get used to it in no time."

”I don’t think I will wake up...” He scratches his neck, “maybe after dinner... but I will have to change again... ugh.”

”I can go with you to help, okay?" [Name] looks at him and nods, grateful. "Don't worry— I will try to tell you everything I know."

Jean approaches them with a smug smirk, obviously enjoying Eren’s suffering, “he must be so desperate to look for me to help him, pfft!” He can't hold his laugh, seeing Eren's face from afar. Jean turns to the two, still with his smirk, "anyways, how about you [Name]?"

”Ah, [Name] wants to practice after dinner!”

”Really? I don’t see you that bothered, tough.” Jean looks at [Name]'s neutral face— in fact, he didn't see him as worried as others were.

”Maybe I can get it right after a few tries,” he looks at Eren again, noticing he was with Reiner and Bertolt, along with Armin. Tilting his head, blinking with his dull eyes, he proceeds, “after all, being anxious won't help."

"You must be careful with your headaches. Seems they come around in the worst times."

[Name] sighs, "can't do much about that." He didn't know how well he could handle them in the worst scenarios— [Name] hoped they didn't make him leave training.

"Everything will be okay," the freckled teenager showed a warm smile, squeezing his hand. [Name] tilted his head, feeling warm. Strangely, [Name] felt shy. His face blushed and he averted Marco's gaze, and Jean absolutely catch the strange behavior.

Ayayayay— what

"Okay," [Name] scratches his neck, still with the cryptic spark on his eyes. Jean raises one eyebrow, suspicious. Never seen that expression before— [Name] has like... three expressions. What's he thinking?! "We should go to eat now. I'm hungry."

"Sure!"

As the three of them leave, Jean can't stop thinking at the weird thing just happened. That can't be— [Name] didn't even react the way I wanted to when he kissed!

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[Name] noticed neither Armin nor Eren went to have dinner— they stayed with Reiner and Bertolt back in the dorms.

The amnesiac teenager looked at Mikasa, who was with other girls. Since Armin nor Eren are here... She somehow noticed [Name], waving at him with a small smile. [Name] returned the smile, waving along.

He sat down with Jean and Marco as usual, not really talking much. There was few other guys in the table, and he could only recognize Connie and Thomas, a blonde kid he saw around Trost a few times.

"Aah?" The bald kid speaks, stopping eating when he sees [Name]'s face closely. He got near [Name] from the other side of the table, supporting his hands on the wood, "never seen your eyes before!"

"I feel special," [Name] plainly says, eating his bread without much care. Jean snorts by it— since when [Name] jokes?

Connie blinks, realizing who he is, "hey! do you remember your mark?" [Name] blinks, completely forgotten about it.

"Ah, right," Jean takes something from his pocket— a folded paper. He opens it and shows it to [Name], who tilts his head to look at it carefully.

It's a simple drawing— it was a crown inside a perfect circle. No words or anything that he could recognize— just an imagine. This only made him sigh. Of course it didn't bring anything— nothing ever did.

"I don't know."

He doesn't hear anybody, paying more attention to the paper, as he touches the drawing. The touch only brings a heavy pain on his head, and there's only a strong voice speaking trough the static.

W̷͈̱͎͙͍̤͔͉̯̘̟̪͇̭͕̓̂͛̓͗̀͘̕͝X̷̢̛̖̯̰̫̌͛̾̅͂̏͘̕ ̸̨̡̡̰͈̺̻͓̩͔͚̙̅̂̈́̎͜3̴̖͍̫̪̌͛̈͊͝r̶̛̙̺̝̮̣͍̟͓̬̄̀̊͑ͅX̴̹̐̆͌̽̀̕̚͠ ̵̭̻̽͑̇̌̉̿̊̂̍̌̍t̵̥̖̼̮̙̩͈͗͛͗͋̍̌̇̄͛̍̃̋̚͜͝h̴̪̐̏̌͌̓͑̂̕2̵̠̠͇̮̰͈͇͋͜ ̸̧̡͍͙̠̦̬͕̟̻͖̟́̋͌̊̋̄̌̌͘K̸̢̨̥̘͖͙̜͎̹̜͎̰̘̈̀̽̄̎̊̐͒͜ȉ̷̭̺̝̈́̑ň̵͜g̶̺͇̮̑̾͜'̵̨͈̦̳̾̂̓̒̊s̵̢̨̝͙̜͕͙̥͕̣͔̝̤̬̒͋̂͑͒̑̈̈̓͒̀͑̂̑ ̴̲̼͚̲̘̱̫͔͍̩̰͍̓̊́s̶͓͚͐͂̐X̵̡̰͔̯̼̭̻̜̅̋̇͑͛͛͘.̴̭̹̹̳̲̩̃̾͐̓?̵̞̯̤̪̍̊̋̽͗̑͒͗̽͊̚͘͠d̷̡̘̜̯͚̱͕͍̮̹̭͆̒͐͑͛̃͗͘̕͜.̴̨̡̻̟̩̼̄̉̂͠͠

"[Name]?"

"Why does your head hurt a lot?" Connie interrupts Jean, noticing the usual pain [Name] gets. Jean just glares irritably at him.

"Migraines. I will never get rid of them, so I'm used to it."

"Wait— but how come you don't remember anything? Did you hurt your head?"

"Something like that." He doesn't seems to want to talk anymore, so he excuses himself to eat. Doesn't matter, as Connie looks like loves to talk and doesn't seem bothered by his silence. This allows [Name] to think about his now founded mark— did nobody ever see it before? Well, he didn't actually remembered someone looking as his back... was there? Frowning, he instinctively touches his shoulder, upset but happy at the same time. Well, at least I have another thing to be recognized with.

He feels a hand touching his'. [Name] looks up, noticing is Jean. "Hey, do you want to go now? Remember you have to rest." [Name] notices Marco is watching him too, waiting to leave. Nodding, [Name] stand up along with the other two, alerting Connie who only raises his eyebrows with the sudden move.

"Hey! Where are you three going?"

"None of your business, baldy," Jean answers as they leave, hearing Connie yell something to him. Just as they return to the dorm, [Name] can hear Eren's voice in the distance. He turns to the side of the forest, seeing faint lights entering it. Where are they going...?

"[Name]?"

He blinks, entering the dorms without seeing the forest one last time.

”Your straps are loosen up," Marco kneels, tightening them and reordering them, "done!"

"Geez, [Name]. You can be so careless most of the time," he sighs, scolding [Name], "anyways, ready?" [Name] nods.

[Name] has the same uncomfortable feeling as before, but this time he's prepared. He is lifted in the air as he tries his best to relax and not trash around— but there's a gentle voice right at his ear, but not the same gruffly one. This one is kinder, and he can actually understand what it says. He blinks, surprised.

Easy— this is nothing you can't handle.

The voices relaxes him, somehow. Is as if it's singing a lullaby— [Name] sighs, using his whole body to balance correctly this time. Just as Marco and Jean said, the legs had a principal role on balancing himself right. There seems to not be another issue with the gear, as he could see. The two boys saw [Name] working better with the gear, much different than his first try.

"Look at that— seems my great teachings have worked for you, [Name]." Jean smirks, placing his hands on his hips, feeling proud.

"Seems you just had to try a second time," the freckled teenager smiles, giving thumbs up. He helps [Name] getting off.

"I wonder how we'll do in the air," [Name] says, touching the ground. He couldn't wait for the next practice in a couple of days— strangely he felt ticklish by just the thought of flying. Just remembering the first time he saw the Survey Corps using the gear made him grin in anticipation.

"Now now, don't get impatient," Jean tries to sound 'wise', but in reality [Name] thought he sounded dumb as hell, "everything in time."

"Whatever you say, Jeanbo."

"Don't call me that!"

[Name] hides his smile, "mom?"

"[NAME]!"

Marco chuckles, "I'm glad you made it— let's just wait for tomorrow!"

When they walk back to the dorms, [Name] can't stop thinking at the kind yet familiar voice from before. Would I get the answers I'm tired to look for? Hearing the voice was calming, just like hearing Beatrice. It was a weird resemblance, but spot on, somehow. I wonder what she's doing.

i just read the entirety of reiss mental asylum and i'm in love skfhtuebfo

im so happy to read this!! 😭😭 i've been receiving a lot of kind comments, but sometimes i can't stop myself from thinking the story is boring and flat...💦💦 but reading your comment really makes me happy. thank you for reading! and very sorry for the wait- life has been pretty upsetting lately, but i hope i can get my ass to write soon! i have a lot of ideas for it. c: 🌻 stay tuned—!🌻💕

Flower Curse | 4

[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

t h r e e ___

Your health wasn't an excuse to not doing your job. Erwin wanted you to rest until there was a solution— but you weren't going to obey him. You didn't want to slack off and be the center of attention, you just wanted to stay off radar by everyone. Especially, by your illness' cause:

Levi.

Just thinking of him made you sick and warm— yes, you liked him a lot, loved him, even. But the other part of you made you repulsed of him. You thought the cause of that repulsion was the curse you had, but sometimes, you just wanted to stop loving him. Just to stop the suffering.

But that was impossible, wasn't it? You just can't change your feeling for someone in an instant. The only thing you could do was hide your feelings in the darkest place, with your flowers' company. Hide them from prying eyes, away from everyone. Just your emotions, the flowers and you.

Was this illness really going to kill you? After all you have been through? You didn't want to believe this at all— flowers were more deadly than a stupid titan! Unbelievable. How could it be? Flowers filling your lungs just for unrequited love? You had a hard time believing this ridiculous "curse". But, sadly, this was as real as the titans.

But then... how come nobody knew about this illness? Was this another thing the King hide? How could this be real?

A knock on the door snapped out of your thoughts. “Come in.” You said, rubbing your temple in exasperation.

A blonde picked shyly, then came in and saluted. “Squad Leader [Name], the Corporal is asking for your presence on today's training.”

“Fuck.” You instantly thought. You didn't remember today's task: help Levi with training. Was your luck better than yesterday? Or life was just laughing at you? You passed your hand on your hair, letting out a sigh. “Thanks, Arlert. We should be going or the grumpy old man is going to beat my ass.”

Armin didn't laugh at your comment— the blonde just nodded and smiled. The relationship with the cadets and you weren't that bad in your opinion. You enjoyed talking with the little kid about the outside world— something that was very forbidden to do. Arlert even had a book of the outside that shared with you, by your big surprise.

The kid was very clever; maybe as clever as Erwin. Something unnerving— could this young kid see the same thing Erwin couldn't not see? Could he see your sickness? You noticed your face paled this morning. You wished to whoever to put a blindfold to everyone around you.

Leaving your office with Armin at your side, you jokingly asked, “How is training today? Is the Corporal harsher than before?”

“The Corporal is being a little... harsh, yes. But I don't see much difference as in other training,” he placed finger on his chin, looking thoughtful, “But he seemed a little irritated that you weren’t there.”

“Of course he is going to be like that. I forgot I had to help him training.” You nervously stated. “What's today's training for?”

“We are training with our Vertical Maneuvering Equipment.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” What was worse? Close combat or the damn VME? Both options sounded horrible, but using your gear at your current state made you nervous. When your system wanted to throw the flowers this morning, it didn't gave you any warning like before. You just couldn't contain the urge of throwing it all out. Would the sudden force of the gear make you vomit?

You hoped Levi didn't want you to do use your gear today. You always showed your cadets how to use the gear properly, and when Levi wanted to explain something, you helped him showing the cadets your abilities. This wasn't looking good.

The blonde noticed your silent demeanor, thing that made him confused. “Is something wrong?”

Snapping out of your dark thoughts, you smiled as brightly as you could and looked at him, “There's nothing wrong! I just was thinking about how angry is Levi going to be, you've seen how he gets at the simplest things.”

The cadet looked at you, unsure, before nodding slowly.

You were sure Armin resembled Erwin for a second.

“About time you arrived, lazy shit.” You instantly heard the man of your dreams, —or maybe nightmares— when you arrived with Arlert at the training grounds.

Trying to playing it off, you said, “Hey! I'm not that late, just... thirty minutes late, not that bad.”

“Anyways, somehow you came just in time.” The raven stated before looking at Connie and Eren, the newest recruits. You didn't like what was he going to say, you knew it. “These two can't go faster with their gear, and it seems hearing what i'm saying is too hard for them,” he said irritably, looking at the two nervous cadets, then looked at you with his usual frown, “and I expect you to show it.”

Damn it, damn it, damn it! If you refused, he would ask questions, and the answers would not satisfy him at all— you barely got out of the previous situation thanks for Erwin being there, but now he wasn't. Be an adult and resolve your problems.

This wouldn't be that bad, right? You just had to do some harsh movement. You previous thoughts were you being ridiculous; nothing will happen. Everything will be alright, no need to worry. Everything will be okay. Stop overreacting, nothing will happen.

Armin noticed your discomfort, and before he could said something, Levi looked at him and harshly ordered, “You are still here, Arlert? Go back in training.” The blonde got taken aback looking at his scared face, and ran off with a "yes sir!".

Trying to sound normal and collected, you replied, “Sure thing, what do I need to do?”

“Alright, listen closely you two,” you said, looking at Springer and Jaeger, “For this to work you have to work with your whole body, something that I noticed you don't do in your training today.”

“But I moved more than before and I still can't do it! It's impossible to go faster than that!” Connie exclaimed frustrated, “I don't even know how Jean is going faster than me!”

“That horseface actually go faster than me too, that stupid horse...” Eren mumbled. You just let out a laugh, and tried to act serious— Levi was watching you three from afar. Looking specially at you, though,

“Don't say 'I can't do it' because you certainly can,” you looked at Connie, “Listen, Springer. The Corporal is the fastest of us, you know why?” the cadet shacked his head, taking interest, “It's because of his height. He is very short- just like you. I even can say that you could match his speed at some point.” You tried to raise his spirit, thing that succeeded, by the looks of his joyful face.

Now, looking at Eren, you said, “Jaeger, you have to work with your movement. Just think when you are in air as you... are dancing.” By the looks of his expression, he really didn't fully understand your statement, because his confused frown. “Now, now, don't give me that look. It sounds ridiculous, but it does the job. Just imagine the people dancing at the festivals— they are in sync. You have to be in sync with you gear, just like a dance.” To make them fully understand you had to show them, something you wanted to avoid but it seemed impossible.

“Alright, let me show you. You have to see closely, understand?” They nodded, looking excited. Gulping, you looked ahead into the forest. Ignoring the voice in your head stopping you to do this, you prepared yourself and nailed your hook at the nearest tree, and then, you flied.

At first, it didn't feel that uncomfortable. Your mission here was to not be that harsh with your movements, but showing the speed to the cadets was the point of this, so avoiding any movement seemed impossible.

“Now I have to turn...” You reluctantly thought. Your grip tightened and in the second your hooks nailed in the trees, at first you prepared for the worst, but when nothing came you relaxed and even smiled. Even taking a look on the two cadets made you relaxed; they were in awe and the corporal just looked pleased.

“See? Nothing to be wo-”

And then, you felt it.

Your thoughts got interrupted thanks to the familiar sensation on your throat. The feeling made you alerted and disorientated, making you lose your grip on the blades and unhooking them off the tree. The falling wasn't that flawless, looking at how high you were.

You fell on some bushes, making your fall at least not that bad. When you hit the ground you instantly threw up white flowers, ignoring any pain you felt at the moment.

Full little flowers. At first sight, they were beautiful, but not for you anymore.

You practically forced yourself to stop vomiting, and held any flowers from coming out. Knowing the others will come to see if you were alright, at least you had to bear with all the pain until you could get out of there. Trying your best to cover the petals with the bushes, you tried to stand but failed to do so.

“Squad Leader [Name]! Are you alright?!” you heard both Connie and Eren calling for you, and less than a minute they were with you, helping you to stand. Gulping all petals who wanted to come out, you tried your best to just smile.

“Phew! That was a nasty fall. Sorry you had to see that, and i'm the example here, haha...” dusting off your clothes made wince in pain, thing you tried to hide by just laughing. The pair of cadets just kept talking and trying to not worry you that much. They both eventually stopped talking when a certain corporal appeared, with an expression you know very well— he was trying to know what happened, read the situation.

“Cadets, both of you will look for Petra and tell her she's on training duty.” Hearing his orders, both of them saluted and left. He looked at your poor act of getting it together, and asked angrily, “What the hell happened?”

Come on, [Name]! Keep it together!

“My hooks didn't sunk in the tree, simple as that.” Scratching your head, you proceed, “Actually, maybe the hand-grip isn't that-”

“Stop talking shit.”

You gulped. “Uh? What are you talking about? I said my hooks—”

“Quit lying to me.” Levi approached you, taking your arm roughly, making you gasp in pain. Actually, your senses awoken again— now fully feeling the pain in your arm, leg and ribs. “You know I hate lies. More if they come out of your mouth.”

You didn't say a word at all. You didn't dare to make the situation worse.

“Can you walk?”

Leaving his grip on your arm, you tried to take a few steps; you could walk, but you were limping with your right leg. And every time you took a step, a sharp pain was felt in your knee. Levi sighed in irritation, and helped you walk by taking your arm on his shoulder and placing his hand on your waist.

“What a pathetic attempt.”

The closeness made you sick, and the flowers wanted to be released.

“We'll go to the infirmary, then.”

Your ribs didn't break, thankfully. You just had some colorful bruises covering your right leg, left arm and waist. It wasn't that bad, not as bad as the flowers, at least.

After getting parched up, you both went to Levi's office, just to do some "relaxing" paperwork you both had to do. You always went to his office to make him company, something he didn't mind. You had to play it safe— if you avoided him, he would ask questions, and when he asks he wants real answers. Things you couldn't give.

Somehow, your little talk made you forget about all of the feelings and thoughts you were having. There was just the two of you, like it always has been. You forget about the flowers, and they seemed to forget about you just for a moment.

“You have something on your hair.” you heard the raven say, seeing his hand coming closer to you, taking off a leave. “And there's something on your face, too. Disgusting...” Even when he said that, his fingers touched your cheek, cleaning it off, before cleaning his own fingers with a napkin.

The event made you slightly blush —at least you hoped—, and thank him.

“A-Anyways, did Petra said anything about Eren and Connie?” you asked, remembering the little talk both of them had an hour ago, when you were in the infirmary getting check on.

“They did better,” he replied, writing on his papers. “They wanted to know badly how you were, though.”

“Aw! They care about me!” you exclaimed with a big smile. Even if you wanted to play it off, the feeling of the kids caring about you warmed your heart. “How adorable!” The feeling just made you blush.

Your words made the Corporal look at you with a questioning gaze. “What? Do you think they are the only ones caring about you?” Levi asked, stopping his work. “How disappointing.”

Laughing, you talked, “What am I hearing? Does Levi care about me more than the cadets?”

“What if I do?”

Your grip on the pen tightened; your heartbeat went crazy; your blush covering your cheeks went deeper, covering your ears. Words seemed disappear of your vocabulary— you didn't understand how some words could steal your breath like that. But it was because it's him. The one you like the most. Time seemed to stop.

It seemed that the sight of you made him smirk in pleasure. He come closer to your face, looking directly at your eyes. “I asked something. What If I care more than them?”

[Name]! Remain your composure! “W-Well, uhm...” clearing your throat, you proceed, “Then you care about me. That's... all...”

“Why you always forget?”

“Forget? Forget what?”

“About how I can't stand your lies.”

“Lies?! Ahem! What do you want me to say? It's nice that you care about me.” You stopped thinking about what you were saying, so you just let whatever thing came out of your mouth. Uh-oh. Good or bad thing? “I care about you too, anyways.”

He arched his eye brown,“Is that so?”, he slightly smiled, by your surprise. “More than the cadets do, I assume?”

“Of course. We've know each other since you came here, right? Actually, I think I'm the first one who didn't fall for your scary face, along with Hange.”

“Ah, how could I forget how irritating you were,” closing his eyes, he proceed, “even when I knocked you out, you kept being a childish little shit, always returning.”

“Hey! But you love this little shit, don't you?” Laughing, you returned to your work, uncaring of the answer.

“I'm glad you stayed.”

You froze. Levi wasn't the time of saying this like this to you; there were always harsh words in a playful nature. But nothing like this before. Nevertheless, him saying that made a smile on your face.

“I'm glad too.”

After that, a pleasant silence fell. The only sound the both of you heard was the pens writing on your papers and the sound outside. You didn't notice the sky turning dark, until an ocasional glance to the window made you exclaimed, “It's dinner time!”

The Corporal looked at the dinner and let out a hum, you only proceed to stand up from your seat and stretch. “Let's go, Levi. We forgot to do tea, so let's hurry up!”

“Go first, I will join soon.” He replied.

“Alright, then. Will make tea when I get there.” Nodding your head, you didn't bothered to bring you papers with him; it was normal for you to leave them arranged on a part of his desk. He always said "take your shit with you", but you always laughed it off. Strange, because this time, he didn't say anything. You left, but your thoughts made you slow your walk.

You noticed Levi was being more... open to you. Could that be a sign? Maybe? And now that you remember it, flowers weren't trying to get out of your throat. You even forgot about the illness, about the pain, about your future... You felt... nice, warm. Just like before the curse.

Could it be that... you had a future with him? The sudden thought made you blush and smile in embarrassment. Was he, maybe, in love with you? The conversation repeated on your head - and your mind kept re rolling the exact same phrase.

“I'm glad you stayed.”

“What if I care more than them?”

You stopped walking, and come to the realization that you actually wanted to make a move. Nothing could go wrong! The conversation of today made you believe that something could happen between the two of you! A bright smile made through your face thinking this— there was hope after all!

There was not time to waste, then! Your mind was made up— you were confessing right now. No one could interrupt you now; everyone had to be getting dinner, so the two of you couldn't be bothered. You nodded to yourself, and went back to Levi's office.

You couldn't believe it - this was all like a dream to you. You actually were going to have a future! You were going to be cured; everything was going to be alright from now on.

Noticing his door slightly opened, you scolded yourself for not paying attention to close it properly before leaving. Hey! That's not important right now! Shaking your head, you couldn't wait to open it and tell Levi your true feelings. Oh! You couldn't wait to tell Erwin and Hange about—

...

.

.

.

.

.

Ah. How could you forget? So foolish.

The sight in front of you made you petrify.

What was that you were feeling...? Surprise? Fear? Or was it... Heartbreak? How could you point the exact time your heart shattered, and the flowers bloomed once more in your heart? The realization fell like a ton of bricks. You never meant to be loved by him, it was for her. It never was for a person like you. Not you. Never, ever, for you. How could you forget? How? You were in denial.

The sudden realization made you snap out from your illusion.

NEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOU.

You are a fool.

You really thought he loved you?

What a pitiful sight.

Go and cry, there's no saving you.

Thoughts invaded your mind like a parasite — repeating themselves with not a chance to be stopped.

And what was the sight that made you so unstable? Well, maybe you know it already.

Two people were embracing each other, with the moonlight above them, looking beautiful as a couple. Who were this two, you ask?

Levi, and Petra, obviously.

The petals were awoken once more, and with such a bestial force you never felt before.

Covering your mouth with your hand, you couldn't stop some petals to escape and lay on the floor, by your ignorance. You just ran out of there, and went to the only place your unstable mind wanted you to be.

Erwin arranged his paperwork again for maybe, the sixth time this night. There were never ending letters to respond, check once more the strategies for the upcoming expedition, and more, more letters.

“Seems like a sleepless night, again.” He thought, rubbing his temples.

Little did he know his lack of sleep wouldn't be only the papers.

The sudden noise of someone opening his door made him annoyed— and before he could scold the responsible person, he stopped himself as he saw you kneeling on the floor, vomiting white petals— no, flowers.

Without thinking he went to your side and rubbed your back in a gently manner. He remained calm, but something his sight caught made him horrified.

White flowers were decorated in red.

Outside, he remained clam, but in the inside he was more than worried; if vomiting flowers was a bad sign, vomiting blood with them was far worse.

You eventually stopped; you only could gasp, trying to breath. Your nostrils were leaked water, your lips had blood and saliva, and the only comforting thing that made you sane was Erwin beside you.

“I'm going to die, Erwin,” you could only say, with desperation in your voice. “I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die...”

Erwin tried his best to hush you, “That's not true. We are going to fix this, there's a solution...” and he continued and continued, trying to calm your sobs and pleas. Hearing you like this, so broken, desperate, made something inside him ache. He only embraced you, holding you. You only wanted someone close to you, someone to hold you.

He had to move things fast, and find a way to fix you before it was too late.

“Let's go, then!” a certain blushing girl said, smiling brightly. The raven only nodded with a soft gaze, walking beside her, until something on the floor took his attention.

“Flowers?” Levi thought, looking at the white petals on the floor. Kneeling, he took some and look at them quietly. Beautiful at first sight, hiding the true meaning they had.

“Aren't you coming, Corporal?” Petra said, turned at him.

Levi hummed, covering the little flower on his front pocket, and returned walking, “[Name] is waiting.”

Cyclamen. Cyclamens are symbolic of resignation. It’s the flower that means goodbye too.

Because it is poisonous, death is also attached to its meaning. It also presents the fact that good things come to an end and so it’s also the type of flower you might want to make use of at funerals – because it speaks of departure aside from moving away and retiring.

f i v e

i suddnely remembered ur works and how much i loved it and i literally just read every single work u have i just wanted to say that i love all of your works and i hope ur happy and healthy ❤️❤️

you're really nice, thank you! I've been taking a long break and I've missed a lot of asks in here (since my email now doesn't get any notifications from tumblr all of sudden...), but your ask really brings me a lot of warmth! (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)♡

hope you had a good year and a good beginning of the year too!!!

morning ~~ Just a question ☝️, when you rewrite Empty (if you rewrite it), will you delete the original? Or will you leave her alone and rewrite her into a different story? (Did you understand?? sorry to bother you!)

morning anon! don't worry, i got your question!

and aaaaaaaa, that has been a problem lately for me. i thought of deleting the original and begin anew, but then i remember there's people who had 'subscribed' to the novel on other websites and i wonder if i should just 'overwrite' past chapters and keep going posting in the same work.

or just leave that story uncompleted (but public) and create another work entirely...

sorry for not answering clearly, lol. but for now it's undecided, but i'll make a post if i delete it or not!

also, you're not bothering!! ask anything anytime, anons! ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

see this beautiful art made by vulpecula for flower curse!!! Omg 😭😭😭💕 it’s so gorgeous, thank you very much!

Please give a follow for this beautiful person ✨💕

I’ve been reading a lot of fanfiction, shame on me

But |this one| was just so good I couldn’t resist. More on the way tho.

This is from chap. 5

Childhood sunrays

He was seven when he first met you. He was the little boy, who dressed prim and proper and had a fitting face, though sullen.

His father was an honest professor that taught the elite and propitious, those in the privileged life. He, ignoring the threats and pleas, never shied away from the reality of the world.

He would spend hours on the injustice to the poor, government reforms, and political ideas too ‘radical’ for the school.

He would always get permission to get into his lectures and he would be so memorized when the topic evolved into something so fundamentally different that you had to wonder about it until days later.

And that itself caused tension between his peers. Erwin knew it stemmed from fear and insecurity— he was a seven-year-old kid who was known to outshines his elder peers who were groomed to be the best of the best, so he understood very early on how pride lead you in a leash.

With bruised knees and a bleeding lip, Erwin was chased to the unsavoury and poorer parts of town, house projects run down with green moss growing on the sides and grass unevenly and overgrown. It had its discarded concrete sidewalks cracked and uneven from the time.

He knew his father was sick with worry. Frantic, possibly.

But he also only has known the white washed walls and red bricks of home where nothing ever changes in its constant loop. Knowledge is power, and curiosity is the driving compass.

Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back, as the saying goes.

A chained dog ran in up front, started to bark frantically, mad, only the old chained fence acting as its last barrier. Erwin froze, terror locking his muscles and a tremor broke out, stuck in front of the water down house with no lights on.

Only for the dog to run away as an orange peel thrown into its way.

His saviour was swinging his feet against the chain fence, with ripped jean shorts and a t-shirt too big for you. You had orange peels in one hand and the other gripped to balance.

“Hey, are you sure you ain’t lost?” His childish voice, high and confident, brought and hooked you to the reality.

“I’m sure, thank you for your concern.” His shaken voice, still present, but netherless grateful. You frown, tilting your head if to better understand.

“I mean, you walked this way, like, three times.” You hold your fingers up ( a cheap bandage clinging on with God’s miracle ) as if to better understand, he held his gaze for a moment or two, breaking contact to look at his clothes, tender red knees and busted lip.

“Oh.”

You sigh, swinging down from the gate and arching your back, you look at him with a perplexing look, “Well then, c’mon we got a date to go to.”

“I beg your pardon?!”

Under the searing sun of the summer of ‘96, you led way through roads Erwin was a stranger to. You were patient with him, and you were keeping pace with him, and your grip was neither chafing nor bruising. But yours were messy hands.

Messy with the sticky feeling of oranges, and cheap crayola crayons, with a too big shirt and choppy, uneven hair that somehow suited you.

Every motion you created was an animated picture, and it made him want to follow your every move, a dance of two.

You are a tour guide in this turning world, like in the first meeting, you hold his hand as you walk and talk through he neighbourhood. Talks about Mrs. Jones— the old lunch lady with tattoos and a motorcycle she lets the kids play with, to old man Joe, the man lost it in the war and got a silver tooth, you say.

It’s all chaotic and wild, but you move through it all as if it’s as flexible and easy as water.

Erwin’s father breaks into wild sobs as soon as he saw his son being led back into the safety of their home. He was too close on calling the police when a boy holding his son’s hand asks for him.

You’re this split-second burst of color that suddenly erupted out of nowhere, and before he could even think, you were already gone. You always were.

Melting into everything, into his hindsight, into the deepest trenches of his memory. You were so abrupt, and blinding, and you made his chest feel weird and you had this presence that both terrified and confused him for some unknown reason.

Through his teenage years, he and you would grow closer. Flashes of memories snapped and froze to twinkle, from the time you and him snuck into a movie, to the time you were forced to get a hair cut and "ran away” to his house.

Childish naïve, as they played tag under the golden rays of the sun set, and counting the bugs underneath the rotting wood with the stars above them. You said that if you squint hard enough, they look like porcupines dancing with each other.

You, in his humble opinion, feels like running away, but not the real kind. More like how you saw it in childhood movies. Running to endless woods that hid magical adventures, running to hills filled with flowers and frogs and grasshoppers. Happy ignorant and not having to prepare but knowing the future of everlasting happiness and sunshine.

He wished he prepared more.

——

New York is a city too big for one, yet ironically too small for Erwin.

His works circle towards bringing down the corrupt, from CEO’s to the politicians and the rich and influential. He works here because its his duty and passion. (But his head is whispering haunting promises of city lights of a boy with ambition in his eyes.)

The percentage of even meeting you again, after all these years is mathematically impossible, how could he? When he left, he wonders, if you still think if him as his childhood friend or imagination of what he could have been.

His wishes ended up being manifested as a piss thrown bagel.

He was walking through the crowds, leaning thinner than other days when a half-eaten bagel lands on his shiny expensive leather shoe.

He grimace, Hange crackling in the background and Levi tsk with murmuring under his breath.

He looks up, scanning for the culprit, noises in New York are always blended but a voice sticks out from the rest. ( young and deep, a paradoxical dream, he knows this voice ) Arguments, insults and loud voices, he brings his attention to the couple in front of him, and—

The countless heads of ongoing bystanders, and yet. You. With the hair that catched the sun’s eye, and the wind’s kiss blows.

“Y/M!”

You, with caramel factories in your pockets, and rainbows stains on your fingertips, turn around and all breathing is sucked from the tunnel vision of you.

Your hair is longer, less wild and free, and your face contoured with more chiseled since your childhood days. But your freedom of expression is painted in your face.

Surprise, confusion, and realization.

“Erwin? Erwin Smith is that you?!” Your pitch rose as your entire being rose with it, your eyes widen and crinkled, blooming like the dandelions on spring.

“Oh lord, it’s really you!” You ran, skipping through the lady’s threshold, and Erwin already dropped his briefcase as he opened his arms as wide as he could to catch the wild storm of colors that you were.

You hit him with all your force, and from that force of reality that sucked all breath from him, he finally thought he knows what home really is. (He remembers, they were sprawled out on your couch, facing each other, smiling like idiots, mouths stretched so wide our cheeks ached with the strain. )

I often fantasize about how life would be like with you.

“My god! Jesus, I haven’t seen you, in what? Six, seven years? Look how much you grown!” You pull away just slightly, still entrapped in his arms, as you take a good close look at him for the first time.

And Erwin stares. Stares because in these streets that blur in the background, he can smell the orange soda that you drank under one gulp for a bet and the crackers that you hid away for the zombie apocalypse prep. And then he realises that he is staring.

“I— yes. We, I mean, I did grow. With, uh, food.”

You laugh, and your laughter feels like a dying sunrays directed at him. Like blooming flowers, and with his limited vocabulary he fumbled out the crooked, vague, feeling that waved through his teeth. When was the last time he was swooned by your laughter?

You move to speak, and he unconsciously lean forward as if seeking a place to rest, as a shriek of your name breaks through this haze of whatever overcame you two. You blink, your face realizing your situation, and your expression drops, like his stomach, unto one of uncomfort and annoyance.

You lean forward and in an entirely exaggerated expression, you crestfallen sigh, “Hear that, Erwin? It’s the devil calling my name.” A sharp tug, what else could if be? A sharp poke at his tender heart, do you hear that? A taunting voice, he’s preparing to leave again.

You lean back, tilting your face in the same way when he met you and smile such a sad smile. “It was nice seeing you again, Erwin. Don’t be a stranger yeah?”

His finger twitches, his lips parting in anticipation, but he closes in remorse.

“Yeah, let’s.”

But as you start to pull away, you move with just speed and color as you pull put a sharpie from your pocket. And he’s taken back to your phase of always carrying candy in your pockets, no matter the event or temperature.

“Here,” you hold your hand out, and Erwin isn’t even aware as he instantly drops his whole hand in yours.

The blank ink stings his eyes, as numbers shaped his hand. A smily face, wobbly and silly, is at the end.

Your face almost splits in half as you smile up at him, “Don’t forget to call me tonight, yeah?”

He nods silently, not trusting his words clearly, as you waved through the crowd back to the woman who started to hit you in the head. He takes a step forward, and you throw your head up and start to taunt her as you start to run away.

Reminds you of the time you used to throw orange peels at his peers. You turn around for a second and smile one last time and wave a goodbye, and just like his hindsight, you were a hurricane of color that picks him up and disappears immediately.

Even though his colleagues watched their interaction between a well-known blank mask to a complete stranger, he throws his head back and lets out a deep laugh from the credence of his chest. He could act all stoic but his heart doesn’t feel stoic enough to make him serene.

He pockets his hand and ignores the shouts of Hange, and the silent eyes of Levi that probe him for his unanswers questions.

His steps feel lighter.

——

I don’t know if i should, like a part 2, or a pov of the reader. I dunno. I’ll go and sleep.

“i’m heading to bed, goodnight ☺️”

me in bed:

Love isn’t everything

soulmate au.

You stared at the baby blue sky, the grass blades sticking through the fabric of your shirt as you roll to your stomach to watch the dandelions still waiting to bloom.

A red string appeared.

It swirled and twisted around your finger like a smoke way downwards and away to somewhere you couldn’t even bother to know.

You had a soulmate now. You growl in annoyance, bringing the edges of your palm against your eyelids and dig them deep until you see the blue and red cluster of dots flying through the darkness. How could this happen?

Just as you, finally, settled into your skin and thought you were okay being soulless. That was fine. You were proud of it ! Not be chained down by another person who could be anyone, to be chained to a stranger that had so much damn control in your life. Peace!

And then the universe throws this bullshit at you.

Great !

You didn’t mean to murder someone in your past live, or step on a puppy, because this red string means that everything you went through— the bullies, the family, the struggles, the 3 a.m. thoughts, was for nothing.

That, in the end, all that you went through was to be suddenly washed away by the magical power of love and you’ll settle down, abandon your dreams, and marry some fucking stranger.

Weren’t parents always preaching about white vans and strange men, but go all kumbaya when a string gets involve.

It gets your blood pumping, your teeth grinding and you look at the red string wrapped around your finger and wished the color of your soul mate was the same when you spilled it in the ground.

The clouds above float so lazily, carefree and you, not for the first time, wish you too could just float away and leave the problems that chain you.

One of those chains went by the name of Responsibilities. And it was ringing through your phone, vibrating in your pocket, calling you forth.

You fished it, lazily, not even bothering to see the name of the number, as it wasn’t even a second before the screaming match started.

“WHERE ARE YOU? Do you not REALISE what today’s date is?! We have investors coming today! And where are you?!”

You sigh, already exhausted the moment you pressed the answer button. Yes, you remember today’s date as you haven’t had a decent lick of sleep preparing to the lead up of the meeting.

You are a shitty artist, with a shitty life and little pay.

“Why do you even want me there? I already painted all the art you wanted, let the others deal with those vultures.”

You truly did put as much effort into those paintings, making everything you could squeeze from the dry towel of creativity.

“They requested you by name! They’re interested! And that means money!”

“So?”

“Y/N!”

You pull the phone away from your throbbing ear, grimacing at the thought of facing your dealer on a Monday.

“Okay, okay, I heard you. I’m coming over now,” With that, you hanged up and with it all the hopes that you could rest.

You look down at the red string. You tisk in disgust and start walking towards your doom.

___

Never in your life did you think that you wanted to hang out with homeless people before. They’re an interesting type of people, with equally interesting stories to tell. Maybe if you had stayed in the park, you could have gotten the chance to hang with them.

It could have been ten thousand times better than the shitty situation you were in.

Turns out, you were going to the investors, not the other way around. People talked pleasantly, light laughter and prim and proper of a polite society. And here you were, a bright fish out of water.

You kept your gaze downwards, sitting in the dark corner, away from the big crowds. A cold drink being steadily warmed through your gripping hands, as the boredom started to mix with anxiety like a bad cocktail.

This isn’t exactly what you imagined. You thought of fancy suits and fancier dresses with butlers and waitress with drinks at hand. Well, they have all the above, but not once has anyone said anything to you. Or even pointed or looked your way.

But the red string is still there, taunting you with each passing second you stare at it. Bloody thing still wrapped itself around your finger, not actually touching your skin but close enough to tug at you.

You hate it.

Oh well, at least there were free drinks here. It’ll be long over if you can just stand there with your eyes cast down, not making a fuss. Which was all going pretty well in your humble opinion, when the cursed string tugged at you.

You seethed silently, wishing it would just stop– when it suddenly tugs harder again, snapping your eyes upwards.

And find your soulmate is staring at you. Maybe its the wine in your system, but time slowed down, just for the two of you, the glow of the low lights shining through his back and casting an angelic form for his blond hair. He too, look surprise, his grip on the glass drink fell loose, (he has the bluest eyes) shattering the trance that got you thinking the strangest things.

As people around him gasp and try to help, crowding around him, you snatch the opportunity with both hands and fast walk the hell out of there.

With hands trembling, you fumble out a text saying a quick sorry for your shitty dealer/friend, knowing this was important to her. You would even donate more time, just make it up to them.

A hand blocked your exit.

You jerked around, armed and ready to give whoever a piece of your mind, when you froze at the small man blocking your way. He was glaring exclusively at you, his dark eyes pinning you with ease.

“Excuse me, but I’m trying to–”

“You aren’t going anywhere without talking to Erwin.” You tilt your head in confusion, opening your mouth to maybe sway him he has the wrong person, only to shut it when the man at the other end of the string starts walking this way.

Panicking, you smile in apology as you rip the door open, pushing him aside so quickly the poor man stumble and cussed.

You didn’t even made to be steps outside when a body crashed into your right side, with such brutal force it left you gasping and swaying in your feet. Shitty balance!

Your hands instinctively grabbed anything to stop the date with gravity, then you’re holding a warm hand as your eyes look up to your saviour.

You just noticed how blue his eyes are. Strong jaw, and contoured chiseled face, lips full and with those eyes just staring at, what feels like his soul piercing.

Warmth rushes through your face, snatching your hand away, just to see the barest little string between you. God, you were staring.

But before you could make a classic Hollywood escape, the same hand caught your elbow as you were turning.

“Please, could we just talk?”

Jesus, even his voice is nice; Deep and just your type. This is a cliche, a teenager’s wet dream, but you live in reality and that means not talking to strangers. But you stumble through your words.

“Uh— I mean, I got, a, um, date. And well, I can’t stay here? I, uh, really nice seeing you. I’m sorry, uh, I gotta roll. Dude.” You blurted so much bullshit, you wondered if he was going to call you out from just smelling it. The smaller (midget, your mind snarked) man glared at you with such vengeance and hate, that maybe, yeah, leaving would give you the best chance of survival.

And now, you could see a woman, the thing that hard slammed you in the side, still grinning in victory.

The man’s face (your soulmate, your heart whispered) fall into devastation. It almost, too close, cracked your face, letting go of your tangled fears, but then you caught yourself in the flashes of memories of bullies, and spite ran through your chest.

“I— I am sorry. I—” The ringing of your phone has never felt so relieving. You fumbled through your jeans, shaking hands opening it to be greeted by a old friend in the same industry. His hand fell limp in his side.

“Hey, Y/N! Sorry for calling so late but—”

“Hey, sweetheart, yeah, I know I’m late. I’m sorry, I’ll call you and explain this later, please call me back?”

“Um, what the fuck? Uh, sure.”

You hang up, breathing hard and scratch your cheek, not meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry, look— I haven’t really settled down for this? I — Jesus.” 

This is a mess, you need to get the fuck out of here. That must have bleed into your face, because his grip was back with vengeance, holding a grid tight hold to you. You jump back in surprise.

“Please, just your name. That’s all, please?” It’s so weird, the man looks like he belongs among the CEO’s of New York, the top dogs that are miles apart from the normal joe like yourself. It strange, seeing him so crumbled and desperate for such a simple thing. 

“I’m y/n,” You whispered like holding into a secret, childish and  — wait a fucking moment, did you just tell him your name? Without you realizing it?

“Erwin, I’m Erwin Smith. Can we please talk Y/N?”

Well shit.

—

Pt.2

e m p t y / 7

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

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[Name] took the box, and before leaving he placed a kiss on Beatrice's cheek, which she was crouched so the boy could reach her. She took his head with her hands and kissed his temples, smiling at him and standing once again.

"Be careful on the way to Doctor Jaeger's house, alright?" The woman said, warmly looking at [Name].

"Yes, mom. The bread and I will be safe and sound on our way." [Name] opened the door, and before leaving he said, "see ya, mom!"

[Name] heard her saying see ya too, and went to his way. The day was good— the wind felt nice. It was... peaceful. Even if his ears could hear everything, the sounds fogged, not taking attention to anybody's voice. It was nice, but something deep in his mind told him that something was wrong— something was out of place, but the boy couldn't decide what. Everything seemed normal like everyday— what was wrong? He didn't want to worry Beatrice for the feeling in his gut, but [Name]'s mind was occupied by the same thought. He didn't know what to expect or do, so he shacked his head and returned to the present.

He was going for your normal check ups with Doctor Jaeger. Even if his headaches were less than before, the man had said that he had a case of migraine— a weird problem a kid should have. Nevertheless, thanks to all of his recommendations the pain was bearable. So, Beatrice and him decided to gift him bread and pastries thanks to his huge help, even if he answered with modesty. His recovery wasn't that great, but he managed.

Sadly, not remembering anything made him somehow depressed and upset. He wanted to remember, but both Doctor Jaeger and Beatrice told him it was too dangerous for his health, and honestly, the headaches got worse by just forcing his mind to remember. Beatrice had told him that she would try her best to make new memories he wouldn't forget, so he just accepted it and moved on.

And it was true— after one year in this district he had made bad and good memories. [Name] was curious of his past, but even if he wanted to forget it he couldn't. Even if his headaches were horrible and awful, he sometimes tried to remember when he was alone at night in his room. But sometimes his headaches came out of nowhere— as if his mind forced him to remember...

Finally spotting Jaeger's house, he unconsciously rubbed his forehead as he approached. [Name] liked Dr. Jaeger— he was a nice man and helped him. But sometimes, when the man thought the boy wasn't looking... [Name] could see different eyes that he couldn't decipher. Blinking, [Name] shacked his head, trying to forget his weird thoughts. The boy knocked on the door, letting out a deep breath. Quickly after that it opened, revealing Miss Carla, and when she spotted him, a warm smile took her features.

"[Name]! Come in!" She opened the door and made space so he could come in, "Grisha was waiting for you! Aha! and what do you have here?" She asked, looking at the brown box in the boy's hands.

[Name] walks into the house, "it's croissants. My mom and I talked about a new recipe, and we want you to try it first." He finishes, giving a small smile to her. He handed her the box, which she gladly took.

"That would be perfect for today's meal! I'm excited to try them out, thank you, love!" She said as the woman patted him on the head and headed to her kitchen.

[Name] spotted Grisha sitting on the table writing things in one of his books and greeted him, "Good afternoon, Doctor Jaeger,"

He closed the book and smiled at him, "Good afternoon to you too, [Name]. Sit down with me and we will do the regular, alright?"

[Name] nods, obeying. Placing his hands between his legs, the boy moved his feet in front and back.

"How are the headaches? Any complications?"

"I got a nosebleed this week. I didn't try to remember, but the headache just came." [Name] paused, thinking about his previous thoughts, "It's... weird."

Grisha arched a brow, curiously looking at the boy, "What is?"

The amnesiac boy shifted in his seat, trying to get comfy. "It's like my mind wants me to remember, even if I don't want to. I don't really know how to explain it... Just like the gut feeling you get when something bad is gonna happen..." He mumbles, trying to find the right words. "It's... forcing me? Hmn...”

The doctor doesn’t say anything and just writes on his journal. [Name] can’t exactly see his gaze as the light reflects on his glasses— but he can certainly feel the change of aura the doctor had. It's different.

"Oh!" The boy blinks, "I got some scratches too on my back. I got into a fight the other day."

"Is that so?" The doctor hums, closing his book. "Let's check them then."

The man stands from his seat, heading to [Name]'s back. He commanded the boy turn so he could treat his injuries. The boy obeyed, feeling Dr. Jaeger removing his shirt and showing his bare back. But as just as the man take off his shirt, he suddenly stopped and left the shirt hanging from the shoulders. Weirded out by the silence, [Name] spoke.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, wondering if his injuries were worse than he imagined.

The boy's voice snapped Grisha into reality, it seemed, because the man blinked and hurriedly spoke into a 'trying-to-sound-normal' tone, which [Name] noted clearly. "Nothing at all. It's just that... you don't seem to have any injuries in your back. Are you sure you had them?"

"Well, my shirt was stained with blood when I took it off..." Narrowing his eyes, the boy crossed his arms, trying to think if he had imagined the blood— but obviously that wasn't the case. He did remember it, but now they were suddenly... gone.

Dr. Jaeger doesn't speak at first— he looks deep in thought, but eventually he talks again. "Maybe you imagined it, or someone's blood splashed on your shirt," the man chuckled as he helped [Name] to put on his shirt again, "you know how... violent you can get."

It could be true— his friends had told him how... brutal he turned when he fought the bullies. He was scarier than Mikasa and that was saying something.

"Could be." Was the only thing [Name] said before falling into silence.

The doctor sat down again, talking about another type of herb they could try, but it was hard to get. They were somehow rare, so for Grisha to find someone who sell them or find the plant itself was a challenge.

The boy blinks, "where are they?"

"Hmn? Who, Mikasa and Eren?" As the boy nods, Grisha responds, "they are collecting wood in the usual spot. They left some time ago."

The amnesiac boy had decided to look for them— after all, he always looked forward to helping the Jaeger family with anything they needed, as at least pay all of the help Mr. Jaeger have provided.

As the checkup finished, [Name] said goodbye to the parents, receiving a pat from Grisha and a kiss on the head by Carla.

"We'll tell you later how the croissants are! Or even better, you should join us for lunch!" The joyful woman said as she waved goodbye to the boy,

[Name] was lazy at the thought of go and find his friends— the spot wasn't that far away but still was a good amount of walking. Yawning, the boy was ready to go but he stopped in his tracks as he remembered what time and date was it— the survey corps returned today! Just with the thought the boy smiled, running to try and catch up before they arrived. [Name] always tried to be at the front whenever they returned— he always worried about their well-being. After all, they were the soldiers who saved him.

Running to the gates, he could already hear the amount of whispering saying bad things about them. It was a good thing [Name] didn’t care about them— if not, he would have throwing hands at everybody.

As he arrived, the bell immediately was heard. Frowning a little by the loud sound, the boy tried to be in front of the crowd but got pushed back by the adults. He pouted, annoyed. The little boy couldn’t see thanks to his height, but as he was going to look for a box to stand on, he felt a hand grabbing his own tightly.

Before [Name] could react rather aggressively to the unknown source, the voice he recognized was Eren, stopped him from doing so.

“I was looking for you!” He said, smiling widely at him. Mikasa was besides him as always, waving at the amnesiac boy with a small smile.

“You found me.” [Name] answered with a bland tone as he squeezed his hand. The brunette’s face went crimson as he smiled brightly at the positive reaction he got. It wasn’t a secret [Name]’s attitude was nicer when the survey corps returned or where going to leave, so Eren tried to take some advantage of that.

The three of them looked for some boxes to stand and see their return.

The gates opened, allowing to enter the soldiers on their horses. There was a silence the people fell on, waiting how things turned out.

[Name] was always rooting for them—not caring of what would happen, he supported them. He knew Beatrice wouldn’t be fond of the idea, but when he grew older he would join the military to be one of the survey corps. That was his dream the day he learned about the military, and no one was going to change that.

You shouldn’t be so sure.

Blinking, the boy looked at his sides but no one but Eren and Mikasa were with him. He didn’t recognize the voice neither, and he was sure someone whispered something to him. The brunette was too occupied to notice his reaction, as his attention was somewhere else. Maybe was his imagination? He was already paranoid all day— could be his mind playing games to him.

Shacking his head, [Name]’s gaze went to the soldiers. The looks on the majority of them made him frown— they didn’t look good. The expedition seemed to turn out bad, seeing the number of injured soldiers passing trough. They looked so... grim. His [eye color] eyes shifted to place to place, looking for a certain blond— he wasn't worried he didn't make it back, because he always did return. So when his eyes meet the blue ones, the boy stood on his tip toes as best as he could and waved with his expressionless face as Eren smiled at him too. Seemed the blonde couldn't hold his guilt or shame, seeing his frown and the way he averted their gazes. The brunette's smile fell, the same time [Name] pouted at his reaction.

"No good, uh?" [Name] whispered to himself, frowning. Eren's attention went to him, but soon shifted to the woman who spoke and went to where the commander was, asking about her son whereabouts. [Name] didn't want to be a pessimist, but something in his gut told him this was going to be upsetting— the same feeling that has been with him all day.

And well, it certainly was. 'Moses' was just an arm they could only retrieve— the last remain the mother had of his forever lost son. [Name] cringed at such sight, feeling dirty of watching it. This was horrible: something so... private? so heartbreaking? was for all the world to see. Even more awful with the poor response she got from the so called commander:

"J ust like all the other missions…we achieved nothing at all! My incompetence has done nothing but needlessly send soldiers to their deaths! We haven’t found anything out about them!"

The [hair color] couldn't believe such answer. Was this the same guy he was saved by one year ago? Why was his guilt getting hold of him in front of this poor woman? [Name] frowned, averting his gaze of the scene. He admired them, he really did. The boy wanted to believe in them until the end, but he couldn't deny every return was a mess to see. He could already hear everyone's whispers, and not-so whispers of the people that wanted to be heard by the poor soldiers passing trough.

"Our taxes are basically going to feeding and fattening those things up now." A man in front of them spoke with no hint of empathy in his words, and [Name] instantly knew what was coming for him. He did not try to stop Eren from taking one of his firewood and hit the man on his head before being grabbed and pulled by Mikasa the same instant the man was going to throw a punch at him. As the two children disappeared, [Name] let his tongue out for the man to see, leaving shortly.

"You brat! Get back here!" The man tried to follow them, but as he turned to catch them, they were gone.

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The ravenette threw Eren against a wall, the wood flying all over the place.

"Mikasa, what the hell?!" The brunette whimpered, looking angrily at the girl.

[Name] doze off, thinking about the gut feeling he has been having all day, along with the whisper he heard not too long ago. His eyes focus on the ground, trying to think and decipher his discomfort.

"Hey," he gets the attention of the siblings, "does any of you have a weird feeling today?"

"Ah? Weird feeling?" Eren raises a brow as he picks the wood, "I don't get it."

"Of course you don't." [Name] blatant stated, unimpressed. Ignoring him his shouting, he turns to Mikasa, "do you?"

"I haven't. Why?"

[Name] tilts his head, crossing his arms, "dunno."

"You don't even know and you treat me like an idiot!" The brunette points at him, frowning and yelling.

"Because you act like one."

"[Name]! We talk about this!!!"

"Enough." The ravenette interjects, "[Name], are you coming for lunch? Mom told me to get you if you wanted to."

He tilted his head, thinking. [Name] was feeling lazy, he just wanted to get home and sleep until the next day. "No thanks. Maybe next time."

Eren raises a eyebrow, suspicious. "Hmn? Where are you going, then?"

"Sleep." [Name] states, yawning.

"But that's the only thing you always do! What about Armin? He must be alone right now."

"Then I should look for him to sleep together."

"You lazy...! I'm going with you then!"

"You can't." Mikasa takes his wrist, "mom is waiting for us and the wood."

The brunette whimpered, holding his jealously of not sleeping besides [Name]. "See you later, then..." The children wave at each other, everyone walking into separate directions.

"Bye bye."

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[Name] went to look for his friend. Luckily sometimes he could heard his voice and find him, but as the blonde was really quiet these moments were rare. The boy was going to leave his objective, until he found Armin sitting on an alley all alone, reading his book like he always was.

"There you are." [Name] softly spoke, seeing how determined Armin was as he read the text. His friend was passionate about reading and learning.

The blond turns his head to see his quiet friend, instantly smiling brightly at him. [Name] slightly smiles at such nice sight.

"Where you looking for me?" [Name] nods, kneeling besides him.

"I was going to ask you if you want take a nap with me in the woods."

It may seemed weird to ask such thing— but everyone knew [Name] loved sleeping all day. His... activities were lazy and not that energetic, but Armin didn't mind that. He enjoyed his time with him, it was a nice contrast of being with Eren and Mikasa.

"Sure!"

The walk was not that long. The chattering was done most by Armin, talking about the information of the book he had. [Name] nodded and spoke some time, listening to what he got interested on. As the wood appeared in their view, [Name] took Armin's hand and guided him easily. The boy had a favorite spot only his friends knew— it may have appeared like every other place inside the forest, but to him it wasn't.

The two laid on the ground, Armin on his side and opened the book. He wasn't sleepy at all, but as he was quiet —unlike Eren— [Name] didn't mind. He let out a yawn, placing his hands on his belly and closed his eyes, hearing the birds flying over the woods and the wind.

Something blue— the ocean Armin talked about? The same one he thought to see before?

No— the scenery changes: the woods, but not the same inside the walls. This one is different: the same one outside the walls. But there are houses— there's someone. A woman...?

A memory of a book? Wait— it's the journal! Someone is handing it to him? The journal and the hands holding it can only be seen— there's a voice... what does it say?

O̴͎͌̈̄̚u̴̹̖̫̻̙̣̦̖̪̗̠͖͆ĭ̶̱͇̔͠ ̸̳̪͉̙̜̞͆͆̋̏͑͐̉̕͘͝͠f̶̨̥̖̜̼͕͚̹͖̟͂̔̄̓̊͐͆̈́̓̒̕̚̕e̵̦̳̎̍̾̈ͅm̴̡͓͚̘̬͙̬̗̗̌̃̅̀͊́̂̚͘̕͠͝m̸̨̠̝̻̉̑̎͋͂͂͋ ̴̬̜̈̅͗̚͝͝ḥ̴̡̻̜͆̌̈͌̊͛̐͗ͅą̸̛̠̠͉̪͍̮͔͔͕̼̰͂̂̽̈́͐̀͋̏͘ą̷̤̻̜͍̟̺̋̃̀͂̓̌̈́͌̚̚̕t̴̯̻͉̣͙͒̍́̍͜͝ ̶̢̢̰͈̠̗̻̹̗̫̥͋̿̓̈̈͗̀̈́̚ẽ̷̘̤͉͖̬̼͖̾͐̈́̓͑̈́̃́͋̑͑̃d̴͔͕̣͕͚̞.̶̡̊̓̇́ ̵͉̦̘̹͈̪̓̄͋̊̏̓D̵̺̳̱̭͖̥̮̝̙͛͌̂́͋ͅy̷̢̡̟̻̳̦̰̯̬͙̞͋̌g̸̼̀̇͐̄̔̽͛̌̇͂̕͠a̷̧̤̙̠̲̹͕̒̈́̈́̉̃̋͊̾̈̚ ̷̮͖̆̾͆̈́̐̉͛̑̅l̶͙̟̙̘̳̫̬̥̃̈͛̐̉y̶̡̜͍͛̄͌͘ͅṅ̸̮͙̫̖̤͉̤̜͚͔͇̭̍̐͛̆̃̒ä̷̡̼͇̘̖̝͖͖͍͓͎̊̊̊̄͐̂̎̏̕ ̶̥̞̤̋̿̈́͛̈́́ư̶̧̬̟͕̭͈̫̲͖͙͚̽͋̑͜v̷̧̳͓̙̖̯͚̰̠͇̙̊̆̒͛͂̏͘͝͝ ̴̢̟͚̜̱͚̱̤̜̭̃̋̌̏̌̔͝͝͝e̸̡̧̼̙̤̹̲̩̪̗̍͗͗͊́͛̐̾͘̕̚d̵̢̛̦͓͙̺͒͒̏̔́̅͒̓͑͋̕̕.̵̧̧̛̫͇̞̼͎̣͉͙͌̍̽͑͊̿͆͗̑̋̚̕͜ .̴̡̠͉̬̱̟͈̌̎̽̄͆̂̀̿͛̆̚

He can't understand it— what's she saying?

Something else. The place is so different... so... strange. It's not inside the walls— there are people... pointing at them with guns? What is this? Why do you show me this?

Who is examining their eyes? Hey—! It's his eyes— they have them too! Where are they? It's his family? Tell me!

You should wake him up— it's too early.

What are you talking about?! It's the only link we've made in years!

He's right. We will do damage if we show more. Let's not overdo it.

.

.

.

.

Uh?

"[Name]! Wake up!"

[Name] instantly opens his eyes and gets up, breathing fast. He takes a moment to understand what he saw— but he can't remember any of it. Like a dream he wanted to remember, but was erased forever. What was it? He had to remember— he had to! It was something important-- he knows it. But as soon he tries to imagine at least a bit of it, his headache comes with full force, shutting him down. He lets out a whimper as he hold his head.

Armin gets worried immediately, "are you alright?!" He closes his book and gets near him, exterminating him.

[Name] finds his voice to ask irritated, "why did you wake me up?"

The blond blinks, unsure, "y-you seemed to have a bad dream... you were whispering things and moving a lot. Do you remember any of it?"

"No." [Name] sighs, exasperated by the failure, "we should go back."

Armin is confused— did he do something wrong? He tries to apologize, but [Name] stands up, giving his hand for Armin to take, which he does. They leave without much to say, but [Name] can't shake off the odd feeling even more. He's uncomfortable, and if Armin notices it, he doesn't say anything.

When they get to the gates, [Name] speaks. "I should go with mom, I've been wandering too much."

"O-Oh, well... see you later!" Armin waves and smiles, seeing [Name] leave into another direction with a odd expression. He's worried, but doesn't pry.

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[Name]'s house is far from the gates— a little trouble some when you have your friend's house near the gates. The boy is irritated already, and hearing such multiple voices from the people only gets him even more exasperated. Plus, this 'odd feelings' he's having is only making him mad. What does this mean? Would something happen today? Something bad? Good? He doesn't know at all. Maybe the best thing to do is tell Beatrice in the end. As she said before, 'bottle up things doesn't work. Someday they will come out even if you don't want to.'

Just the thought of his mom and her delicious pastries calms him— he's happy. [Name] doesn't want to leave her at all... but he knows when the military comes, he will join and there won't be much 'family meetings'.

He yawns. He's almost half-way his house, almost there. Everyone is talking, but [Name] doesn't pay attention on what they are talking about, just the sound of their voice. The wind...

Wait. Something changed— as if the air turned heavy, as if something bad was behind him. Someone or something tells him to not turn around because there's something behind— but [Name] hears it before anyone else, like always. He doesn't know what is that sound, but his mind is telling him is something dangerous, something that should be feared— there's no words to understand it, and he doesn't even know what is he hearing, but someone is telling him to run. But he doesn't.

[Name] abruptly stops, widening his eyes in terror. Turning his whole body behind, his gaze locks on the wall, and just in a millisecond, a thunder appears from the sky and shocks into something behind the wall. And then, that thing appears— [Name] doesn't know what the hell is that thing looking at him, but at the same time he can't deny a sense of familiarity. He's shocked, looking at it's eyes.

Everyone is watching the titan with shock, fear, amazement. They are waiting for what it's about to do, but no one is prepare of what is going to happen. As the titan gets a grip on the wall, it moves, and after a couple of seconds it's foot kicks the gate, sending wind blows at everything near it. Debris gets on various houses and on people, killing them instantly. [Name] can't move, the only thing he can do is watch the horror in front of him. The colossal titan disappears, as if it was never there to begin with. Everyone runs away as they see the titans coming their way— multiple of them.

"What is happening?!"

M̵̨͖̞͓͇̲̺̝̱̪̜̻̀́̄̇̋̈́͗̓̌ǫ̴̘͙͔͈̫̣̠̖̭͙̲̅v̶̛̺̗̟͓͔̱̹̿̿̂͛̈̎̈́̆̏̕̚ͅe̶̡̨̛̯̰̰̞̭̯͓͌̿̔̓̒̒̐̈́͗͘,̸̡̛̤̲̳̫͚̝͈ ̸̯͆͋͂̈́͊͘b̶̧̤̩̹͈͕̘̝̺͗̍̽ṟ̶̨̜̻̪͇̹̣͔͇̞͍̘̓͊̎͌å̷̢̨̡̨̧̧̹̗̝̠t̵̢̤͈̐̀!̴̤̣̘̻͉͎̫̹͉̇̽͑͛̆̐̔̐̂̋̂͠ͅͅ

[Name] runs as fast as he can to his house. He thanks whoever his house is far away from this mess, but he can't forget Eren's house is just at the gate. Would they be alright? Should he go for them?! The boy stops, undecided if to run to his house or go to Eren's— is this time to even think?

H̸̝̦̖͍͈͖̱̩̪̙͂̃̉̿͂̓̽̂̐̍̕͘ͅe̴̙̩͇͐́͛̽̔͂y̵̛̮̣͍̺͖͕̰̓͌͋̎͗̔̂͝ͅ!̵̡͓̜̺̝̱̪̙̌͒̂̀̌̕ͅ ̶̖̙͙̟̗̼̰͈̘͇̠̩̿̊̉͛̇̊̈́̌͐̐̚S̴̙̟̞͛t̴͖̤̱̪̅͋̈́̇̓͑͛͆͝ơ̵̡͎͎̯̎̔̓̃͋͆͑̊̆͒̕p̴̨̨̩̼̞̖̜̝͇͎̺̏̓̌͑͝͠ͅ ̵̧͈̼̝͓̩̜͙͍̈̈́̎̆̍̐̏̑͂̄̃̈ͅṱ̴̛̠̜̫͈̬͉̼̫̩̲̜̑͑͆̎̄̆̎̎̆͆̚͘h̶̬̬͚̑̄̔͆i̶͓ṅ̸̢̛̘̥͙̪͖̜̥̩̱́̈́͒̈́͜͠ķ̶̟͈̤̗̟͉̖̫̞̫͍̔̋̿̽͠ǐ̸̳̜̝̩̭̤͇̯͉̺̝̰̍̽͗͋̕ñ̷̘̜͚́͊ͅģ̶̨̘̬̝̫̺̰͙͖͒͊͛̒͛̃̀͂̚̚͜͠ ̷̥͇̗͖̟̹̲̘̊͊́̈́̒̀̓͌͑̏͆͌͠a̸̮͚͓͖̳̭̞͐̅̈͛͗̇͗̃̄̈́̚͝n̶̛͍͖͎̠͇̦͈̿͛͜d̷͚̯͗̂ͅ ̴̬͚͍̘̝̯̥̆̈r̶̦͈̉̀ų̸̮̺̳͈͚̻͙͖̝̎͐̅̔̎͛̏̈͐̑͠n̶̲̤̟̹̭͔̈́̃̏͊̏̌̂̕ͅ ̶̞̀̑́̕a̶̼̙̭̲̣̞̋̃͋̓̀͆w̸̧̜͉̼͉̅͐̽̿͗͂̓̃a̵̡̫̝͖̪̞̍y̸̡̪̖͖̹̲͔̹͖̯͙͊̑̏͂̏̇͘̕!̸̨̡̩̬̙̱͚̭̬̟̩̋̐͜

No— Beatrice is worried, you should go back.

He doesn't want to leave his friends, but something makes him run at the direction of his house. The boy does his best to try and doze off the horrible sounds around him— the screams, the whispers on his back, the horrifying sounds the titans make... the scared boy locks his gaze in front on him until he gets to his house safe and sound, where Beatrice is waiting.

He can already see her outside her house, trying to understand what in the world is going on. She's worried, but her expression changes when she sees [Name] running towards her. As soon as the boy gets there, he grabs her hand and tries to pull her to the inside's gate as he explains, "we need to go! something appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the gate!"

"W-What?! T-That can't be possible!" Beatrice widen her eyes as she tries to process the situation. But as she sees everyone running towards the gate and notices the titans far away coming where they are, her expression turn into one of terror. "W-We need our stuff!"

"There's no time! We have to go!" [Name] takes charge and tries to leave, but Beatrice can't move. "They will get here, mom!" Both can hear and see the Garrison Soldiers trying to take care of the disaster, but as everyone knows, they are not capable of holding it.

Beatrice lets out a shaky breath before nodding and get on running.

Fortunately the gate is already open— they cross it, seeing soldiers preparing ships to sail. There are a lot of people gathering already, but [Name] hopes everything gets done fast. They hurriedly walk there, waiting for their turn to get on the ship.

"I wonder if they are alright..." He can't stop himself to think about them— he should have been with them first. But then, maybe Beatrice would look for him and get hurt. What was the right thing to do? "They have to be..."

Beatrice squeeze his shoulder. "They are, [Name]. They are strong."

It's really slow, but soon they get on one of the ships that is already full. There are two more empty, but [Name] wonders if everyone of Shinganshina can get on just these boats. His eyes try to see if his friends are there, but he can't see them at all. He only hears desperation, but not their voices. He's shaking, but Beatrice tries her best to calm him down. She's scared too, terrified, even. She can't even comprehend what just happen— there was a heavy sound far away from her house, but then what? The boat sails, leaving the disaster that the district hold.

The woman hugs her child with caring, closing her eyes and wishing for the best.

So, was this the gut feeling you were having all day?