Okay Update I’ve Been Instagram Stalking And I Think I Can Put Pieces Together. This Is Such A Long

200 Word RPGs 2024

Each November, some people try to write a novel. Others would prefer to do as little writing as possible. For those who wish to challenge their ability to not write, we offer this alternative: producing a complete, playable roleplaying game in two hundred words or fewer.

This is the submission thread for the 2024 event, running from November 1st, 2024 through November 30th, 2024. Submission guidelines can be found in this blog's pinned post, here.

The Motherfucking Lizard King

No one at work trusts my boss. 

He's smart. He works hard. He's not trustworthy. He hasn't actually fucked anyone at work over, but he's ruined his last two marriages with affairs, and got dumped by his third fiance when he wouldn't sign a prenup. The fact that we all know this is just a hazard of working in a small town. 

Anyway: The thought process of the people in the lab is that if he screwed over his first wife, and his second wife, and was probably planning on screwing over his third wife, it would be insane for him not to screw us over. After all, what kind of idiot treats their employees better than their spouse? 

I dunno. His kind, I guess? He's had a few chances to fuck us over, and he hasn't taken them. Opposite really. When our parent company was doing furloughs, he stayed in the office almost a hundred hours, talking and talking and talking his way up the corporate ladder. And in the end, no one at our site got furloughed. 

He's pulled strings like that before. And it baffles me, right? Because it really does make zero sense. He'll move the heavens and the earth for us, but his wife and kids are afterthoughts. It feels like any moment, he's going to look into the mirror and realize how stupid that is. It feels like I'm betting on him making the same stupid mistake again, and again, and again - like it would be less cynical to believe he was, eventually, going to stab me in the back. But he hasn't yet, and as far as I can tell he's been making that mistake for close to fifteen years, and it's already cost him everything it can. If he was going to learn, he would have by now. 

So my position on him is that if he wanted to date someone I cared about, I'd warn them off. I don't trust him there. But I tentatively trust him to be my boss. Maybe one day he'll stick the knife in and twist, and everyone will say Ah, Babs, we warned you, but for now, I accept that he's doing a very predictable, very irrational thing, and I've made my peace with it. 

---

My job has glue traps. 

No one likes the glue traps, but we don't have a lot of options. Poison's banned by state law, spring traps are banned by company safety, and several non-lethal options tried in the past failed to work. The mouse problem can get pretty bad if it's ignored, and there's some real health hazards in that. Our site has never had a positive hantavirus test, thank God, but the big base about a half hour away has. That guy's gonna be on oxygen the rest of his life. 

If a mouse gets caught, we just euthanize it. But more than mice get stuck. Lizards can wander into those traps too, and the people working there have different feelings about the lizards. They don't pose nearly the same kind of risk mice do. They're chill little guys, and they keep the moths away, and they're just 

You know. They're friendly. There's something to be said about walking into a room, and hitting the light switch, and seeing two little guys on the wall start to do pushups as soon as they see you. 

People used to just euthanize the lizards too, but I had pet leopard geckos as a kid and I couldn't take that so I wound up googling how to free animals from glue traps. Now, when a lizard gets stuck in a trap - which happens once or twice a week - I get some vegetable oil from the breakroom, and a little plastic fork, and I'll spend fifteen to twenty minutes just kind of gently prying the little guys out. 

I have a team of technicians that help me operate one of the larger machines. They're real blue collar guys, ex-airforce, and they make me look like a little kid. Being an engineer means they'll look to me as a leader sometimes, which is a wild experience. And I started helping the lizards for my own conscience, but one of the crazier consequences of it has been that it seriously boosted my leadership cred. Because those guys see me, and they go: Hey. If he's willing to fight for a lizard, he's gotta be willing to fight for me. 

I cannot overstate how nice that is. Most engineers that want to make a change to a maintenance practice, or try an upgrade, they have to work their asses off to get the techs to buy in. But I can just ask. They already trust me to do good. They know I'm new, and they know I'm not the smartest engineer in the building, but they also know I'm the one who gets lizards out of the glue traps. 

And just because of that, they're willing to follow me. 

---

My boss has a meeting every month or two. It's typically basic house cleaning stuff - reminders about routines we've gotten lazy on, and updates on future projects. Maybe some warnings about problems coming from higher up in the company.

People are, in my opinion, a bit too cynical about the meetings. It stems from people not trusting our boss, which again, I understand, because it would make so much more sense if he wasn't trustworthy. It's a testament to the man's incredibly unhealthy priorities that he is. But as we made it to the end of the meeting, one of bullet points was: 

Do NOT mess with animals in the building. 

So I looked at my techs, and they looked at me, and when he got to the point, he was so scathing I actually just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. He said basically that he'd heard some reports about someone in the building handling animals that found their way in and got stuck, and that he just wanted to emphasize how insanely inappropriate that was, not to mention dangerous, and that if he needed to speak to anyone about it again, there would be severe consequences. 

I was willing to just take the shame and move on. I was. But one of my techs is old. Old enough he could've retired two years ago. And his actual literal goal is to one day get angry, yell at someone, and storm out. That's how he wants to retire. So instead of biting his tongue like everyone else, he stood up and said: I hate the glue traps. You hate the glue traps. We all hate glue traps. But we've all sat here for years, ignoring the little things that get stuck in them, watching them die, and then Bab's comes in, and he is the first person in decades to give enough of a shit to start pulling the lizards out. And I don't want him to stop. 

Get humane traps or shut up but we are not going back to the old way of just letting things starve. 

And my boss actually froze up. He got all wide eyed and stared at Marc, and then the other techs jumped in, and there was a very small but intense rebellion in the meeting and my boss kept trying to interrupt while getting absolutely bowled over by this gang of angry middle aged air force vets, and eventually he just went 

I will speak with Babylon about this afterwards! After! And then he will speak with everyone else, but I have more points to cover. 

So they went silent, and my boss rushed through the last five minutes, and we all adjounred. The techs really didn't like that I was going in alone - they thought our boss was going to try and shout me into compliance. Marc in particular was like, Look, if he tries bullying you, stand your ground, and if he threatens anything, just come get us, and we'll give him hell. 

So armed with that, I went to my boss's office. I sat in the chair across from him, and he kept his composure for maybe five seconds before just flopping back into his chair. 

I had no idea you were saving lizards, he said, but I'm glad you are. I always hated seeing them die in the glue.  

I wasn't expecting that. I was about to ask him what the comment from the meeting was about then, but he answered that before I even got the chance.

A snake got into the building last week, and - someone picked it up and chased a coworker around. Turns out that coworker was severely afraid of snakes, and now it's a shitshow. We're a small site, and now I can't ask those two to work together anymore, to say nothing about how the snake fared after all that. Being upset about that is a reasonable thing, right? 

And he gave me a look like he actually wanted an answer, so I said Yeah, totally, chasing a coworker around with a snake is a dick move. Especially if that coworker is already afraid of snakes. 

And he said Exactly! and then we sat there a few moments longer. He looked so incredibly tired that I did, actually, feel kind of bad for him. And then he somehow managed to sink even further into his chair, and said

Look, I know I'm not a good guy. But I'm not evil. I'm not some sort of crazy asshole that's going to demand that everyone watch lizards starve to death. When you go back downstairs, could you try to pass that on? That I'm not evil? 

I said Sure because it wasn't a hard request, and he looked relieved. I actually made it halfway out before I realized I had a question. 

Who grabbed the snake? I asked. 

Not supposed to talk about it, he said. But whoever comes to mind first is probably right. 

ThatGuy? I asked. And he looked me in the face, nodded his head yes, and said No. 

---

The techs seemed a little disappointed that they didn't get to storm the boss's office, but were otherwise in good spirits. They were actually a little bit embarrassed to hear about the snake story - apparently, it wasn't much of a secret. It'd just slipped their minds because it happened three weeks ago. 

We did maintenance after that, the same basic repairs we did every week. The meeting had been stressful and it was a relief to work with my hands. When the parts were reinstalled, everything cleaned and smooth and ready to go, Marc found me again. 

You know what the lesson of today is? he asked. And there were quite a few answers to that that I could have taken - from don't assume the worst of people to be careful with how you spend your trust - we all need it more than we think. 

But instead I said what? because I wanted to hear what his answer was going to be. 

That I got your back, he said. Then he clapped one very, very large hand on my shoulder, gave it a good squeeze, and walked back to dosimetry lab.

---

The next day, Marc gave me a package and told me to open it in my office. I was suspicious, but I followed the request.

Cardboard gave way to a small baggie, obviously full of fabric, which opened to reveal a t-shirt that read

"I Am the Motherfucking Lizard King."

I looked at it, I loved it, and then I got an idea. I went to my boss's office and knocked on the door. When he opened it, I asked him if he would be willing to allow something very unprofessional to happen for morale building purposes.

How unprofessional? he asked. I held the shirt up in answer. He gave the shirt a short look over and snorted.

You can wear it on weeks without customers, he said. Which just so happened to include that week.

I'll pass on that it came with your blessing, I replied, and he looked oddly relieved.

Thanks, he said. And then I went downstairs.

---

The techs were very, very happy to see the shirt. And while my boss's reputation remains in tatters, and probably will be until he moves (or dies), the next time there was a meeting, there was quite a bit less complaining about how mere presence. Which is, I guess, a start.

We'll see if he squanders it.

Your WHAT that Gilgamesh touched to please his heart, Enkidu?

“for nine days I’ve stayed wide awake” -Odysseus

Gilgamesh could NEVER

Extremely messy doodle (even for me) but this fic about Circe (I don’t think the author’s on Tumblr so I can’t tag them!) is currently rent-free in my head, and the bit about one of the nymphs getting stuck on the roof was such a funny image that I had to draw it. Poor thing was probably there for hours before Circe found her — so, you know, she’s probably learned a valuable lesson about not climbing on roofs.

Anyway, go read maybe showing one act of kindness leads to kinder souls down the road, it’s such a brilliant exploration of Circe’s character.

Thinking ab what episode would be the sexiest for a time loop. The thing is there are so many options. Steranko episode time loop but the steranko is also caught in it & starts preparing for parker. Hardison & eliot at the pool with moreau with eliot trying over and over to make the conversation that much faster, to find the right words so hardison can survive. Dubenich being the one caught in a loop & using that to manipulate them better in the pilot until they figure out that something is fishy.....

listen I do understand that by and large Leverage is a very lighthearted show and also that they are limited in the havoc they can wreak on the lives of clear real-world analogues without being accused of endorsing violence or something. so i'm not saying that this is necessarily a good move from a showrunner's perspective but I DO think that i would rescind every criticism i've ever had of leverage's political outlook if they have an episode in L:R where they introduce an antagonist like 'this is mr. Ethan Tusk whose wealth came from exploitative gem mines and now he makes exploding cars and sets nazi frat boys loose on the federal government for bragging rights of how cozy he is with the dictator in charge' and then the resolution is 'parker pushes him off a building.' or i'm not picky on the specifics they can even have it be a more ambiguous thing where she plants a bug in his car so they can spy on him but then two days later the autopilot drives him off a cliff and nobody's ever really sure whether parker sabotaged it somehow or it was just his own shitty tech. i just think that if you're going to keep teasing the idea that parker is Unpredictable and Violent and needs to be kept under close watch she should get to kill at least ONE evil-guy stand in at some point. she's earned it. free her.

so I know I'm not the only one who saw the United Healthcare news and immediately thought of Leverage

but my thought process was, if Leverage was involved, they wouldn't have been the ones to kill the CEO. not their style. so I'm imagining Leverage in the middle of this whole con to destroy the CEO when out of the blue someone else comes in and just murders him.

hardison: so i did all that *insert technobabble hacking nonsense* for nothing??

eliot: no offense to the shooter, but if we wanted him dead, i could have killed him so much cleaner and made it look like an accident. amateur move.

Headcanon: Eliot can ballroom dance as well as any professional. Better, in some instances. And no one knows this until they have to work a con at a dance studio that's a front for trafficking. He has to compete, which adds another pseudo-celebrity persona to his identities.

Of course this naturally also results in him acquiring a ton more fangirls - and fanboys! - because a) hyper competent dancing is HAWT and b) he's going to be in a male ballroom dance competition outfit which... well, I'll leave y'all to try Googling that and picture Eliot in something like it. #AHEM

So poor Hardison is on full time social media/attempting to control the hype duty while also trying to do the digital stuff for the actual job AND making sure to needle/mock/jab at Eliot at every possible opportunity... until the team actually sees their hitter, their punchy grump-up artist, dancing in one of the competitions and. Well. It's basically a Scheherazade moment that nearly blows the con because hey, this grade of dance is supposed to be emotive, right, and they're all gawking so hard they nearly miss their marks.

The fact Eliot refuses to actually acknowledge how good he is, just growling and stomping off when someone tries to actually compliment him, only adds to the effect.

Nate meanwhile is in Actual Hell because let's set this theoretical episode in early to mid S5 as, of course, Sophie just LOVES the idea of "going dancing" and is thoroughly miffed that her newly sort-of s/o can barely do a basic waltz. Bonus points if she suggests, in either or both of their hearing, that Eliot could maybe teach Nate some moves to help.

Only later it turns out the only person who Elio has actually volunteered to teach some steps to is Parker, firstly because she's competent enough to actually follow along, and secondly because that way she can take Hardison dancing on one of their date nights, which of course leaves Alec melted into an absolute puddle because he's essentially just an enormous ball of squish in the shape of a boy.

And we fade out the episode as Parker and Hardison head for their night out while Sophie is trying to teach a purposefully-failing Nate some basic steps, seeing Eliot in the kitchen of the brew pub humming to himself and, secure in the moment of being entirely unobserved, execute an absolutely perfect reverse fleckerl with a bowl and whisk as his only partner.

Today in Leverage headcanons no one asked for: do they have tattoos and if so, of what

Nate: has Sam's name tattooed over his heart in an awful cursive font. Definitely got it when he was drunk.

Sophie: no tattoos for obvious reasons (she changes identities too often to have anything permanent on her body)

Parker and Hardison: matching lock and key tattoos <3

Eliot: got an American flag on his shoulder when he was eighteen, right out of boot camp. He covered it up on a whim with a wolf or a skull or something suitably fierce when he started to grow disillusioned. Didn't get another tattoo for years, until he went with Parker and Hardison to get a little matching pick.

Harry: too uptight for tattoos

Breanna: has been slowly amassing a collection of cute small tattoos. They're all in places she can hide them easily, because she's not about to jeopardize her chances of being involved in cons, but she also couldn't resist the urge when all her friends were getting cute tattoos. They're not, like, overtly gay tattoos, but they also kind of are.