Based On That One Post

siigh

Okay guys I want everyone to hear me out on this one okay? Bruce may be rich but he was still raised in new jersey. I need you all to know the only reason he doesn't act or sound like it is because he was raised in high society. I need you to know that I firmly believe his internal monolog in no way matches any actual words he says out loud or anything he would actually do.

*the JL arguing over how to go about getting information from some criminal*

Hal: okay and how would YOU go about this spooky?

Bruce, in his head: I say we force the information out of him, light him on fire and throw him in the harbor, where he will continue to burn because Gotham is a shit hole and the water is so polluted we have to out source water for the fire fighters.

Bruce, actually speaking: we follow protocol and turn him over to whatever law enforcement that has jurisdiction over him.

*bruce and Clark arguing over something petty in their personal lives*

Clark, trying to end the fight somewhat amicably: I just don't love it, but I will respect your opinion on the matter

Bruce, in his head: and I 'just don't love' that you're acting like a little bitch about it BUT HERE WE ARE FUCK FACE

Bruce, out loud: Hn, let's move on

*batfam comms during a slow night*

Dick: do you think the rogues finally figured out that they could spend their time doing something more productive to avoid getting their asses kicked?

Bruce, internally: i doubt they'd be able to figure that shit out if it jerked them off and bit them in the ass

Jason, three blocks over: are you fucking kidding me? Most of them wouldn't be able to figure that out if it came to them as a swift kick to the head, let alone a stray fucking thought

Bruce: hood, language.

Bruce, internally: that's my fucking boy :)

"you're the writer, you control how the story goes" no not really. i wrote the first sentence and then my characters said "WE WILL TAKE IT FROM HERE" and promptly swerved into an electrical fence.

Random Funny Batman… Stephanie and Duke Sass the Joker

one of the many delights of being the Eldest Daughter is the emotional burden of being your mothers only confidante and personal therapist

Duke : "So, like, Bruce always tries to attend PTA meeting for me but he can't attend this week because he is out of the world for at least another eight days. Can you fill in for him?"

Hal, wearing Bruce's pajama set while munching the breakfast meal Alfred had made for them, sitting on the dining table with other bats casually talking with him : "... the last time I checked, the P in PTA stands for Parent, right?"

Duke : "Just a thought."

I adore this concept so much!! It’s too cute ☺️

Sketches for @raghhhhhyperfixations Superbat Reverse Alien AU!! Love love love the idea of shadow alien Bruce being a silly little creature so here :))

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Please help them if you can 🙏🏾

Epic! AU but... But it's Batman.

Batman is Ody, duh.

Either Selina or Talia is Penelope, take your pick. Personally prefer Talia, but make your cup of tea however you like it.

(Though Talia as Circe/ Calypso is also a solid win.)

Bruce's crew can be the Justice League... They all di--

The gods stay because they're canon in the DC universe.

Telemachus though? Oh... Oh... HAHAHAHA--

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Siren: Come play with me and our daughters!

Bruce:

Bruce: My real wife knows I have only ONE DAUGHTER AND FIVE SONS--

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Bruce, about to leave for war, holding all six of his smol children: I don't have enough hands...

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The suitors (probably the rogues lets be fr): I heard the prince is on a diplomatic mission--

Other rogue: Which one?

First rogue: Uh... The small one.

Another suitor: There's like, two small ones.

Other rogue: And has anyone seen the princess???

Cass, who's been being trained in secret by Athena, watching them closely: •-•

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Jason, pointing at a picture of Bruce: That b!tch is dead!

Bruce from the shadows:

Tim: No, he's not! I WENT ON A F%#&$% BOAT AND EVERYTHING JASON, DO YOU KNOW HOW SEA SICK I GOT!? I WENT AND SAW OTHER KINGS AND S%@&!!! HE'S ALIVE!!!

Dick: It's been twenty years--

Damian: Mother believes he's living.

Tim: Listen here, energy drinks haven't been invented yet and I am THIS CLOSE!

Duke: I'm with Tim. No way did he die.

Cass: He cannot die.

Jason: I'm so done with this family...

Dick: Shouldn't you be the first to believe in coming back from the dead?

Jason: Oh, I believe he's come back, but THEY'RE NOT ADMITTING HE DIED IN THE FIRST PLACE!

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Bruce, to Talia: Will you fall in love with me again?

Talia, gently cupping his cheek:

Talia: You committed murder?

Bruce, with shame: Yes...

Talia: Bed. Now.

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ALTERNATIVELY:

Bruce, to Selina: Will you fall in love with me again?

Selina, inhaling sharply: I've been waiting TWENTY YEARS, Bruce--

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Bruce, back from war, trying to hold all of his grown children: I don't have enough hands...

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BONUS:

Bruce: So, what have I missed?

Dick: Oh, uh...

Jason: I died and came back to life.

Tim: I have a boyfriend. He worships Dionysus.

Damian: I befriended the deceased Kent's youngest.

Duke: I don't need to answer that question.

Cass: Received training from your old mentor.

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