A Note To My Body

STOP SCROLLING FOR A SEC

this is for all of you feeling guilt or regret

every single person has said and done things they regret or feel guilty about

and we think about it a lot and beat ourselves up over it

but what does that accomplish?

we can’t just pull a time machine out of our ass and go back in time and change the past

what’s said is said and what’s done is done

the fact that you are feeling guilty about it shows that you are a truly good person that knows right from wrong

there is nothing you can do to change the past, so you just have to move on

everybody makes mistakes, and then we learn from them

that’s just how life goes

live in the present. because that’s all you can do for the time being

now stop feeling regret and guilt, and go live your life

you’re doing amazing, and you are doing the best you can. stop being so hard on yourself all the time

we’re all just human after all.

symptoms of trauma are proof of abuse. if you’re struggling with anxiety, self doubt, self hate, low confidence, trauma symptoms, flashbacks, nightmares, paranoia, panic and severe emotional injuries, those are proof enough that you’ve been subjected to torture. your feelings aren’t fooling you, they’re consequences of abuse.

on the bright side, at least my debilitating fear of abandonment will never leave me

have you ever been so lonely you could hardly function

this happened with my fp multiple times and I felt foolish afterwards for how I had internally reacted. can any of my bpd peers relate??

He did not say hello to me, why didn’t he say hello? He always says hello, every day, but he did not today. My mind whirls, panic rises within me.

He is leaving me, he hates me. Why didn’t he say hello? Talk to me! Talk to me! Pay attention to me, please do not ignore me!

He does not care for me anymore, he has not said anything to me. It is like a crashing wave, knocking me down, barely able to breathe.

He is abandoning you.

The words that weigh me down like a thousand rocks on top of my body crumbles me to pieces and I rush to leave him first before he can utter the terrifying words and leave me. My defense rises; intense anger and distress engulfs my body.

Trying so hard to ignore the negative voice in my head, I try to recall all the times he had talked to me, reassured me, made me feel so happy like I had been flying and soaring with nothing stopping me. But my memory is blank, and it feels cold and rotten. There is no warmth, and it feels as if those glorious and assuring memories never happened. It has always been barren and dark.

I do not look at him, I do not talk to him.

He deserves this. He did not say anything you, he hates you.

The words creep into my brain like an evil ghost whispering words into my ear, making me believe them. My teeth grind together, the tears well up in my eyes as I realize that I have lost him for what seems like the millionth time.

“Hey.”

My heart leaps, and I feel whole again.

He talked to me! He loves me! Why did I hate him again? He is not leaving me! I have never been upset in my life.

It continues. He talks to me, I feel happy and amazing. He ignores me, and I crumble and fall, retreating into the shadows and telling myself that he does not need me, and that he hates me. I idealize suicide, because it seems better than being abandoned the person who has stolen my fragile heart and soul.

You might miss them right now, but I promise one day you are going to meet someone far better. Someone who fills your heart full of a light you couldn’t find anywhere else. It will all be clear as to why this had to work out the way it has.

When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.

“You guys are dating right?” he asks. I shake my head in confusion. “No,” I answer. The answer hurts; physically and emotionally. He frowns. “But the way you guys look at each other…” I shake my head, smiling sadly.”

— excerpt from a story i’ll never write #7 // thewriterain

Old people can"t understand when younger people are willing to cut a whole relative off. They have lived their entire lives in guilt or based on some sense of loyalty to someone based on blood. People will abuse you betting on that fact, just because ya’ll are blood that means you have to accept it. No, you don’t.

Can parents stop acting like providing a child’s basic needs is something to be earned? So many kids grow up traumatised because they were made to feel guilty about the existence they never asked for