95% Of My Personality Is Worrying I Do Everything Wrong And That I Will Inevitably Be Abandoned Because

reminder that many abuse victims get triggered by anger, whether it’s directed at them or not. please be mindful of your actions

Society should stop having that stereotypical image of abuse

Abuse isn’t always bloody noses and hungry babies.

Constant yelling/belittling/humiliating your child is abuse.

Making fun of your child’s interests/clothes/looks/insecurities is abuse.

Threatening your child to hurt them if they disobeyed you is abuse.

Calling your child names is abuse.

Making your child feel unsafe is abuse.

Making your child feel guilty for being different is abuse.

This stereotypical image is what makes a lot of abuse survivors doubt their abuse.

Emotional abuse is valid and it’s NOT less important than physical abuse.

Abusive parents don’t ALWAYS seem abusive. Sometimes they can be sweet.

You need to remember that just because they were sweet once they aren’t good people.

They still hurt you. They still did awful things, said awful things.

Your abuse is no less valid because your abuser can seem nice from time to time.

I keep thinking that maybe someday you’ll fall in love with me. That maybe I’ll say or do something that suddenly makes you realise that you’ve always loved me. It’s stupid. I should know better by now. Yet I keep hoping for a fairy tale ending anyway.

if only my brain is louder than my heart (2)  (via unconventionalbuthappy)

i’m a little bit on the chubbier side and that’s okay!! i give good hugs!! i’m adorable!! my body is adorable!! i don’t always feel this way and that’s okay too!! i don’t always have to be happy with myself, but it’s okay that sometimes i am!! loving yourself is so much more fun than being mean to yourself 💞

“If you want someone permanent, don’t push that someone away. I know how hard it is to have this desire for closeness for a certain someone while having this urge to push that someone away. I’m still learning how to feel deserving of love despite how much pain it has caused me in the past. I’m still learning how to overcome my past traumas because I still have this fear of eventually being rejected, hurt and having all my emotional investments towards this certain someone tossed out the window. I’m still learning how to communicate my abandonment issues without feeling like the powerless person in the relationship. I’m still learning how not to let my emotional issues get in the way of me having the love that I want to deserve because as for now I think she’s too good, too perfect for me. I’m still learning, and maybe that’s all we can do for now as long as we don’t push that certain someone we love away. And maybe we aren’t good enough, and maybe we are, and maybe there are no maybes when it comes to love. I don’t know what’s certain anymore with relationships nowadays, but I’m sure of one thing: that not every person who is willing to love you is out there to destroy you. And you and me and everyone who feels this way must learn that it’s okay to fall in love with someone who lights up the entire sky and try not to think of that someone as someone who’s temporary and just don’t push that someone away even if it’s hard not to. Because what the world needs less are people who feel like they’re entirely to be blamed for their loneliness. So if you want someone permanent, don’t push that someone away. You deserve love.”

— Juansen Dizon, To Those It May Concern

What a PTSD-Induced Panic Attack is Like (based on experience of Yours Truely, so it may not be the same for all)

That’s right comrades, y'all read that unnecessarily-long title correctly. We are gonna discuss PTSD and Panic Attacks. No, not ALL of the symptoms appear every time.

Most Common Symptoms of Attacks

Hyperventilating

Shaking

Accelerated pulse

Feeling like reality is disappearing/feeling helpless

A gah-jillion thoughts that you can’t get straight

Overwhelming fear, mainly of injury or dying

Hot flashes

Not blinking

Lightheadedness

Claustrophobia

Sometimes-Symptoms in Cases of Major Attacks

Muscle weakness/legs giving out

Fever

Flashbacks (strictly in cases of PTSD)

Flinching/jumping away from other people’s touch

Eyes looking all around trying to focus on something “real” instead of thoughts/images/memories being shown super vividly in your mind (almost seeming like they’re happening again)

Saying out-of-context things such as “I’m sorry,” or “please don’t hurt me,” because you’re busy watching the trauma happen all over again (linked with the one above)

Starting-to-Have-an-Attack but-Not-Quite-Completely-Having-One Symptoms

Shaking

Accelerated pulse

Hot flashes

Rapid breathing (but not quite hyperventilating)

Things Done to Help or Prevent Attacks

Wearing hair up (helps minimize hot flashes if you have long hair that covers your neck. I was once sitting in class, trying to figure out how to address the topic of a very-fresh incident with my soon-to-be-boyfriend and I started getting hot flashes. Earlier in the day one of my other friends [not knowing why I always wear my hair up] pulled the ponytail out of my hair, and I felt like I was going to throw up or pass out from the heat)

A “home source”, or something to wear to keep you connected to something you love or care about (this is what I do, but I don’t think it has to be clothing. I wear my boyfriend’s jacket 24/7 because the smell keeps it away. Seriously I have sang in front of people wearing it and I have yet to have an attack. 10/10 recommend)

Keep something to distract you (ex. Book, toy, etc) (it won’t keep it away, but will help make it not as bad)

Someone you are close to that can actually talk and get to you while in the middle of an attack (more about this next)

How to Help an Attack (based on my experience)

My boyfriend does this thing where he gets at eye level, puts a hand on each cheek (unless I express that I don’t want to be touched. NEVER FORCEFULLY PUT A HAND ON SOMEONE DURING AN ATTACK! THIS COULD MAKE IT WORSE!) and whispers at me to look at him (NEVER RAISE YOUR VOICE WHEN SOMEONE IS HAVING AN ATTACK! THIS COULD ALSO MAKE IT WORSE!) Once I look him in the eyes he starts “talking me down” and reassuring me that it’ll be okay, and he’s there: I listen to this. If a random person tries to help it’s almost like I can’t hear them. Find someone you’re close with and talk to them about this

Sometimes they need space. Clear the area

Possible Triggers (based on my experiences)

Mine comes from PTSD directed from violence, so just remember this is different for different causes.

Agressive yelling (joking yelling and loud rooms are fine. I go to a public school with literal thousands of other people talking over one another, and I myself tend to yell because it amuses me)

Stuff breaking (glass, plastic, etc. Some materials more than others)

Doors slamming (doesn’t max-out an attack, but gives minor symptoms)

Physical violence towards others, or even accidentally physically hurting me (story time: he [you can probably tell who I am referring to at this point] was once trying to be sweet and considerate and zip up my [technically his] jacket because I was shivering my boobs off, but accidentally caught my neck in the zipper. I started shoving him away and refused to let him near me until I calmed down a little because in my mind, he was trying to attack me)

Or even like this one time he was trying to bottle flip a little plastic thing of orange juice onto the breakfast table. It hit a bunch of empty containers of it (I really freaking love orange juice) and they all came flying at me. I froze in my chair, started shaking hyperventilating, and all that jazz and didn’t even know why

Do what you will with this information. Write it into a book. Help a friend. Go nuts. Just remember, while triggers can come from simple things, don’t over-exaggerate them. Good luck!

A friendly reminder for people with repressed memories

You didn’t make your abuse up.

Your abuse is real.

Your abuse is 100% valid.

Your memories of abuse aren’t fake.

Having repressed memories means that your brain tried to protect you from the horrible pain you have endured, and it’s more common than you think especially in csa survivors.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Another night on my own, and you’d think after 6 years I’d be used to sleeping alone, but when I lay down my head, this house still feels like an empty home.

Poetry At Most