“How To Tell If Somebody Is Genuinely Interested In You: If You Removed All Of Your Effort From The

PTSD things

taking lots of baths and showers

constant flashbacks. sometimes you don’t even know what they’re about

you’re told you’re jumpy all the time

you always look behind you

craving abuse

alternating between missing your abuser and hating them with all your guts

was it my fault?

constantly distracting yourself from memories

you freeze at the mention of their name

overwhelming anxiety and unexplained fear

you convince yourself you deserved the abuse

you can’t relate to peers

you think you’ll be sick forever

unable to remember key parts of the abuse

remembering too much all at once

developing unhealthy coping mechanisms

you flinch every time someone raises their arm, or makes an abrupt movement

you age regress

you’re told you act “mature” for your age

always feeling like something’s going to go wrong

Anger has an important role in human beings, protection, feeling of being valuable and worthy of protection and justice. If your anger isn’t repressed and pushed back, and someone treats you like shit, your anger immediately jumps up to protect you against bullshit. If everyone around you is treated better than you for no apparent reason (nothing you did to deserve it), your anger again jumps up and demands better for you. If someone hurts you really badly, your anger is here to let them know that nobody can get away with hurting you like that, because you matter enough to be protected from harm.

 Anger can be destructive when used wrong, like controlling someone (who is not currently presenting a threat to you), taking shit out on someone who didn’t deserve it, forcing dominance over someone who can’t fight back, and as a way of avoiding being subjected to the truth/called out for abuse. That’s mostly how abusers use it,  and why a lot of victims see it as nothing but toxic, horrible, dangerous and scary thing, and recognizing anger within themselves can give them feeling of dread and like they’re becoming abusive themselves.

Anger in victims presents a problem for abusers, and a lot of victims experience helplessness and inability to be angry or feel anger, even the thought of it makes them feel dreadful and guilty, that’s because abusers make sure in one way or another, that all of victim’s anger will be punished, until they learn they’re not allowed to be angry. This causes anger to build up, now it’s not only  one time injustice and harm has been done, it’s thousands, tens  of thousands time. This is how rage generates within a person, and any further ridicule, provocation or attack from abusers end up with them feeling infuriated, because it’s been too much for a long, long time. 

Anger being built up can eat a person from inside, and it can manifest in self harm, dissociation, numbness/blankness, depression, anxiety. Directing that anger at other people who aren’t the cause of it, doesn’t help much, even in short term it will not give out any resolution. If you haven’t been able to process and feel anger normally for years, it will feel impossible and incredibly frustrating for your body if you start feeling it, and you’ll want it to stop at any price. But, after a while, a person can go back to normal processing of anger, even though, if there’s been a lot of it, it will still mean strong, extreme bursts of rage. 

People who’ve been dealing with pent up anger have already proved to have immense self control, immense survival instincts and aren’t likely to end up  hurting others the way they’ve been hurt, what’s most important is for that anger to be directed back at the cause of it - abusers. It’s vital to develop hatred of those who would dare to harm you while you were vulnerable and unprotected,  this, is exactly what hatred is for. Only expressing anger at abusers, at their actions, their personality, their weaknesses and toxic, abusive choices will erase guilt, anxiety and get you closer to healing. 

“I thought I was over you, but my walls slowly crumbled to the ground the moment I saw your face for the first time in a while.”

-Anonymous

“He came into my life dressed up as everything I’ve been looking for and stupid me couldn’t resist. He found his way under my skin and into my bones. Now all I can do is pray that he won’t add any more wounds to my recovering heart.”

— I never learn - Jess Amelia 

Do you know what I hate most about abuse? It makes you “crazy”. It makes you angry and tearful and volatile. And that in and of itself leads people to dismiss your story when you say you have been abused. They use your unstable emotions as an excuse not to believe you or to say that it’s at least partially your fault. It seems like almost nobody but other survivors stop to wonder how you got that way to begin with

when hayao miyazaki said that true love was two people inspiring each other to live…recognizing just how hard living is, putting one foot in front of the other every day, how easy it is to lose our passion for it…… that’s the real shit

What people don't understand about abusive parents

What people don’t understand about abusive parents is that we can’t always hate them. We can’t just constantly hate them because a lot of them are quite nice half the time. It makes it hard to hate them because it’s like “they’ve been horrible to me but they treated me to a present yesterday or a cute little chocolate bar so I’d me rude to hate them because of what they’ve done for me” and it’s destroys your mind because then people questions if they actually are abusive when you seen to like them at that time.