It feels like I’m drowning. I can’t breathe and every time I try to reach the surface, there’s another wave ready to crash down on me and break me again.
Even a spark of anger can burn down your whole life
~Alex
I don’t want to drag anyone into my problems. I should be able to deal with them by myself, but I fucking can’t…
Abused kid things:
having scars on your body you can’t remember how you got them
gaping holes in memory
feeling distortion in your limbs, your body doesn’t feel yours
always feeling terrified of being called out for a mistake
worrying that you are A BOTHER to everyone at all times
guilt for wanting attention
depriving yourself of attention to cope with guilt and thinking it will “toughen you up”
guilt for receiving attention
feeling uncomfortable whenever things are about you
always feeling seconds from being targeted for someone’s anger
being overly accommodating and still feeling it’s not enough and you will PAY FOR NOT DOING MORE
feeling you’re going insane
trying to blame your own symptoms on yourself
trying to shame yourself just like everyone else has shamed you
feeling life would be better if only you weren’t the way you are
craving for something horribble to happen to you just so you could stop anticipating it
fantasies of abuse + obligatory guilt for having fantasies of abuse
self doubt over weather you actually deserved or wanted to be abused
trying to prove to yourself that you didn’t
not knowing how to prove that to anyone else
trying to soothe yourself by explaining your symptoms away and telling yourself your fears are not real
wondering why you stayed alive this far
my twitter and artstation
Stop the voices
One of the worst parts of mental illness is that it’s so hard to explain to other people.
Trying to describe what it’s like to have a mental illness is like trying to describe colours to someone who was born blind.
I can try to explain as many times as you need, but you don’t understand. Nobody does… I feel so alone. So isolated. So empty…