“I Showed You Who I Was. My Hopes, My Dreams, My Fears. You Handed It All Back And Said It Was All

to say i miss you doesn't even begin to capture the despair your absence has brought me.

— mae s. (journal entry to the one i still love)

Do you ever just want to tell people that the little annoying things you do isn’t your fault it’s because of childhood trauma but then stop yourself because you know that’s attention seeking lmao

I needed a hug. I needed to cry on someone else’s lap. I needed someone to shrug off all this hate and pain consuming me. But I only had myself. And I was never enough.

i never knew you were such a snake…

that you had poison in your bite.

there was still so much that was at stake

yet you thought saying that was right?

A letter I’ll never send…

I love you. You are my best friend and I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. And each day I continue to fall more in love with you, the more I realize how you’re slowly pulling away. But it’s because you don’t love me the way I love you. Because I am not her. You don’t love me the way you loved her. You gave her the random “I love you” texts and the endless phone calls because you missed her voice. You posted her on Instagram and surprised her with flowers when you knew she was having a bad day. You weren’t hesitant to show your love and hold her when she needed it. I want that. You tell me you just never want to fall that hard for someone again because it was unhealthy, but I know it’s because I’m not her. I want the endless phone calls and random “I love you” texts. I want to be surprised with flowers and be held when I’m having a bad day. I want more than anything to be her. Because you are my him. You are the one I will never forget, you are the one that everyone else will be compared to. In my eyes, you are my everything. But in your eyes, I’m just temporary.

“I’ll never cry in front of you. I’ll never tell you how I feel. I’ll never wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m not an open book. My walls will always be up and guarded. I won’t tell you how I fight with myself about you, about how I shouldn’t want you, about how you’ll break my heart if I give mine to you. I won’t tell you how my heart constricts at the thought of you leaving me. I’ll never show you how scared I am of this… Of you… Of us. You’re real. You’re everything I want, and nothing is certain. Everything is blurred and we walk on this thin line between reality and fantasy. You’re a dream and a nightmare. I find peace in you when everything else is chaos. I don’t know what this is and that uncertainty scares me but maybe just maybe if I stay around, you will too.”

— 2:31 AM thoughts

“Unless you’ve crawled inside someone’s skin and felt the words that claw away at their throat and suffocate them during the night, you have no right to tell anyone to get over it or that they shouldn’t be upset.”

— Unknown  // I believe that more people should think like this.

I will not wait for you

to regret losing me.

Does the sun wait for

the earth to regret turning?

Does the moon wait for

the night to regret ending?

The sun remains the sun,

and the moon remains the moon.

I will remain myself

with or without

your acknowledge of my value.