POV: You Are Being Judged On Great British Bake Off

I forgot how much I loved this art, I just want to keep it where I'll be able to find it

Sorry for such a long post, but - I sketched up my interpretations/headcanons of the (human [alive]) Straw Hats’ body types and had a lot of fun with it!

EXACTLYYYY

I feel like a lot of people really want/wanted Kuina to be Tashigi because they can't accept that all the potential she had was ruined because she had a tragic accident.

What makes Zoro's backstory sad isn't so much the scale of destruction, like on Robin's, but rather how down to Earth it is, as Kuina tripped, fell and probably broke her neck in a bad landing. It's that simple, and it serves as a good contrast to the larger scale backstories.

Today I was showing my nephew the second episode of OPLA with Usopp, and we've got to the scene when Zoro was trying to get out of the well, while thinking about Kuina. My nephew complained about how in anime Kuina died in an accident which he found lame, and I started to think about it deeper.

I came to conclusion that Kuina's fairly normal death via tripping accident is meant to be doubly tragic. She didn't just die young in a stupid, easily avoidable accident, while having such grand plans as becoming the greatest warrior ever; she didn't even die in combat. All of this happens some time after Zoro and Kuina promised each other that one of them will become The Greatest Swordsman in the World, so Kuina's ordinary accident feels like a cruel twist of fate. She didn't even die a warrior's death; she just tripped.

If I see another comment about how they hate hiyori because "zoro deserves better, he doesn't even like her, she is so annoying when she interacts with zoro" I'm gonna f murder someone

Its 2024, almost 2025, can we stop reducing female characters to their "romantic interests"?

She is such a complex character, strong without the need to pick up a weapon and has one of my favorite scenes in all of wano when she finally gets her revenge but nooooo let's reduce her to "the annoying chick with a crush on zoro"

Mmmmm... (and other noises of approval)

Although my main OTP is Zoro/Hiyori (idk why it just is), I think that something great about One Piece is how there are few ships that almost everyone absolutely despises that are regularly talked about, which to me just shows how well each character gets along with each other, enough to encourage a healthy dose of enjoying a large range of ships.

Most of the Strawhats (minus chopper because he's too baby) can be shipped together for genuine reasons that many people can get on board with, and if people don't like that so much they can ship them with any of the other people they interact with in specific arcs.

It's really a testament as to how Oda's writing of the main crew makes them so fun to read, draw and write interacting with each other.

The beautiful thing about One Piece is that I genuinely enjoy a lot of the ships, even if I don’t necessarily ship them.

I will see a ship post with art or just funny moments of two characters I never even considered and be like;

"Yes they are so in love",

& then go back to my citrus trio and frobin brainrot.

"Kuina's death is ridiculous" yes! That's the point! You do realize that falling down the stairs is a way of showing Zoro how fragile human lives are, right? You are aware that the point of Kuina's character is the unfairness of the world towards women in comparison to the privileges men have, like living in itself and fulfilling their dreams, right? You know that Kuina's death is "ridiculous and dumb" because it's meant to show that even the strongest person Zoro knew could die from something so little, right? You understand that the value Zoro gives to life is fucking immense, right? Right?? You realize Zoro can't seek revenge because nobody took her away from him and now the only thing he can do is become the world's greatest swordsman to avenge her death, right? You get that Zoro's character is an atheist because he doesn't believe in anyone and he can only rely on himself when it comes to Kuina's sudden death, right? You are aware that sometimes people die in the simplest of ways and that doesn't make them weak because death doesn't discriminate, right? You know that all of these things are what make Zoro's character so interesting and important, right? Right??? You know, right?

Well, of course you fucking don't because if you knew you wouldn't be saying her death is ridiculous <3

I TOTALLY FEEL THIS AS AN ARO

I JUST WANT TO SEE THEM KISS AND WATCH CREEPILY IN THE CORNER

being ace is so weird cause when you're watching shows you get a lot of "omfg this person is so hot i want them to kiss me" but you're just here like "omfg this person is so hot i want them to kiss this equally hot person who has chemistry with them"

Sooooo...

In one of my last posts I mentioned that I headcanon that Zoro would brag about having sex with two more genders than Sanji.

...

I wrote the fic.

It's got every Mugiwara's (minus Jinbei since he hasn't joined yet in this one) sexual life in it, so it might not be for everyone.

Also, it kind of exists outside of reality since it is post timeskip Strawhats in the situation of pre timeskip where they just fuck around.

Nevertheless, let's get into it!

Chastity Of A Mugiwara

It was a normal lunch for the Strawhat Crew. Shouting, scolding and shoving occurred as Luffy ate as much as he could shovel down his throat while everyone else desperately shielded their own plates, followed by an angry Nami hitting Luffy over the head to stop him from touching any more of her food.

Zoro, having finished his plate, poured himself a fifth cup of sake while assisting Chopper with plate defence. After a few more minutes, the chaos came to a close with Luffy getting off of the table to join Brook outside as he prepared to play a song.

Chopper, sitting down on Zoro's lap, looked intrigued for a few seconds before opening his mouth to talk.

"Zoro, who were those women in the last island? Why were they wearing so little?"

Zoro spat out his sake.

"I don't understand.", Chopper continued, "We've seen them a lot in more populated islands. Is it just a fashion?"

Zoro kept silent for a bit while he thought of what to say next, but Franky spoke up first.

"Oh, them? They're just prostitutes."

The room fell silent, except for the thud of Robin's heavy book hitting the recently cleared table.

Chopper looked around at everyone's awkward faces before opening his mouth to talk once again.

"What's a-"

"A prostitute is a sex worker, Chopper.", Robin interrupted, with a disappointed look on her face aimed at Franky. Chopper immediately reacted by blushing in embarrassment and covering his face before looking up at Zoro, who had covered up his eyes with his left hand.

Chopper stuttered as he began to ask Zoro another question.

"So does that mean that those women yesterday who were... You know, flirting with you wanted to have... sex?"

Zoro groaned as Sanji gritted his teeth, rising up in flames.

"They were doing WHAT?!"

Zoro looked up briefly to see Nami with a mischievous grin staring at him. She smugly asked, "Soooo... What did you do?"

Zoro took another swig of his sake before replying, "Nothing. Sex is boring as fuck."

Everyone in the room stopped to look at him, some confused, most indifferent. Sanji was the first one to shout out, "You've had sex before?"

Before Zoro could reply, Nami intercepted.

"Zoro is handsome, has a good figure and looks like he'd be good in bed, so he gets hit on a lot. Did you not notice that?"

"I LOOK LIKE I'M GOOD IN WHAT?!", Zoro roared out, some heat reaching his ears. He clearly, did not notice.

He sighed before replying in an exasperated tone, "Yes, I have had sex before."

Sanji, now fuming, yelled out, "WHEN?!"

"When I was 18, before I met Luffy, I had sex twice. Didn't really like it, so I haven't had it since."

Sanji ran his now sweaty hands through his hair, stressed.

"Who would want to do that with you?"

Zoro paused, furrowing his eyebrows in thought before making a smug grin.

"Of course you'd want to know, you've obviously never had sex with a woman."

Sanji's face went red with embarrassment. "H-how would you know?"

Zoro smirked. "Oh please, you froth at the mouth and shoot blood out of your nose when a woman gets within a metre of you. You'd die before you even got your clothes off!"

"I-I'm saving myself for marriage!"

"Mhm. You have women throwing themselves at you that you have to save yourself from then, obviously.", Zoro replied back cynically.

Nami, in an attempt to stop the fight, cut in by changing the conversations direction.

"Who actually is a virgin on this ship?"

At that moment, Luffy and Brook re-entered the cabin and immediately asked why it was so quiet.

"I'm wondering who is a virgin on the Sunny. We know that Zoro isn't and that Sanji is, but we're finding out the rest now."

Brook looked up for a second (But he doesn't have eyes! Yohohohohoho!) before replying. "When I was still alive, I did have sex on some islands. Of course, since I am just bones, I won't be able to do anything of that sort anymore."

Chopper replied, clearly embarrassed by the topic, "Well, I haven't done anything.", whilst burying his head into his hooves.

Franky joined in, saying, "I had sex back at Water 7 often. Haven't been super interested in it since then though."

Nami finally answered her own question.

"Luckily, I'm still a virgin. I have teased it and almost did it when I was infiltrating pirate crews in the past, but I managed to get away before actually doing anything. I'm not innocent to sex, but I haven't actually done it."

Robin answered after that in a more mellow tone, "Running away for most of my life meant that I had to do anything to survive, even sex. It wasn't very nice in my experience, but it depends on the situation I assume."

The room fell quiet once again as everyone felt slightly upset by Robin's experiences. Luffy interrupted the silence, clearly not reading the room.

" ... What's sex? "

Robin thought for a suitable definition, and turned to Luffy.

"In this context... Intercourse involving genitalia."

She didn't want to ruin his innocence, but he couldn't be too naive either. She hoped that he would be satisfied with her answer and not pry in any further.

"I still don't understand. What's intercourse? What's gen-it-ail-ee-a?"

Zoro spoke up next. As one of the men Luffy was closest to, they all hoped that what he said would work. Then again, this was Zoro.

"Coition. But, like, more broad. "

Everyone on the crew except for Zoro and Luffy collectively facepalmed and/or groaned.

"Oh, like coitus? I've never had sex then."

Nami, much like the other Mugiwara, wore an expression of dumbfounded disappointment. Somehow, Luffy knew what coitus was and not sex, because of course he did. And clearly, clearly Zoro had full trust that Luffy knew, because who else would have such blind faith in their Captain?

"Usopp's the only one left.", she sighed.

"Do you think I've done anything like that before?", Usopp answered back with a clearly displeased tone.

Zoro replied, "You are clearly in love with that one girl, Kaya, but I don't think you've actually done it before."

"HE-HEY!", Usopp cried out like a small cat as he went red.

"He's not lying.", Nami grinned back. Out of the crew, only Luffy, Zoro, Nami and Usopp met Kaya, so many others were confused. However, most could pick up on the tone and smiled accordingly.

Nami continued, "So Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, Sanji and I are virgins, then."

Zoro sat in thought for a few seconds before commenting, "Actually, we only talked about women when it came to the Ero-Cook."

"What are you suggesting, Marimo!?"

"So you haven't had sex with a guy then? Lame."

The room seemed to go silent a lot in that one conversation.

Sanji replied, stuttering slightly.

"You... You have?"

"Oh, yeah.", Zoro grunted lazily, "On my first time the woman said that I didn't seem interested, so she suggested that I was gay. I tried it with a guy later but he said the same thing and that I might be... Asexual or something."

Robin laughed a little bit before continuing. "That seems quite accurate for you. I've never seen you attracted to anyone, so it wouldn't surprise me."

Zoro shrugged before yawning and getting up, gently placing Chopper back into his chair.

"I'm going to go to the gym for a nap."

As he left all the crew could wonder was 'What on the Grandline even was that conversation? '.

They all mentally decided that they were probably not going to talk about that again anytime soon before returning to their posts and allotted tasks.

_________________________________

Alright, hope that wasn't shit.

Also, I totally imagine that Zoro and Luffy had the weirdest talks before Nami joined, which lead to Luffy knowing what coitus means and not sex.

Eh, I think it's funny.

Hiyori again 👍

I always love imagining shipping in the One Piece Universe 😭

Look man I get that Zosan is cool or whatever but it’s a little weird to ship real people yk?

EDIT: Same with NamiVivi too like it’s so fucked up this ACTUAL MONARCH got kidnapped and people are theorizing it’s a pirate she supposedly met once like two years ago. She’s literally missing???? At least wait till she’s confirmed dead to you write your fics

this is just constantly in my mind tbh

any time anyone asks me what one piece is even about i’m just going to show them this i think