The 43rd Annual Gotham Academy Bake Sale By Faeriekit

10/10 dad joke

that time when danny accidentally overshadowed bruce wayne (dpxdc)

Danny felt a pull on his gut- a pull that he’s intimately familiar with, a pull that is almost always followed by a summoning. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to follow the sensation, going ghost in the middle.

Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne was sitting in the middle of a chalk circle, tied haphazardly to a chair. A cloth was stuffed into his mouth, likely because his kidnappers got tired of his brain-dead yapping. He internally rolled his eyes, waiting for one of the Bats to “save” him.

His kidnappers stepped out of the shadows, surrounding the chalk circle which was not actually a chalk circle and holy shit that’s a ritual circle and he’s a sacrifice and has the Brucie Wayne persona bled through to his actual brain because how could he have missed that-

The cultists began chanting in Latin, and Bruce began to panic slightly. Where were the bats??

Before they finished the supposed summoning, the Bats broke through a window. They took down the cultists with ease, readying themselves to retrieve Bruce from the circle.

It was too late, however.

The chalk circle began to glow a strangely familiar shade of green, reminiscent of the Lazarus Pits. Red Robin, Nightwing, and Red Hood attempted to break the chalk circle, but a barrier went up and he couldn’t get through. The Bats were forced to watch in horror as their father- the man who took them in when they had nothing, the man who raised them, loved them, helped them, saved them- was consumed by green light.

After a minute, the green light died down. Siting unscathed in the center of the light was Bruce. The Bats rushed to him, ready to check him over, when he stood up robotically and turned to them.

“Yo, uh, I think I accidentally possessed Batman? I kinda gotta get back to school, I have a math test that I was actually prepared for and now I’m going to miss it! Also I am so not used to being in the body of a grown man, can y’all exorcise me or something?”

Warlock Jason.

So this started with a headcannon:

Anything can become a god with enough time and power. Humans r the rarest gods bc they don’t life long enough. Most ghost can’t bc of their obsessions. A ghost can only draw power from their obsession so the less specific their obsession is the more likely they will become a god. Like clockwork is the god of time bc his obsession with time is broad, allowing him to gain much more power than someone with a more narrow obsession like say box ghost

Halfas however r pretty much guaranteed to become gods. They r alive enough to have changing obsessions and gather power in other ways but dead enough to life much longer than humans.

So that brings the question of what god Danny would be. This line of thinking gave me a cool idea.

Danny would be a protection god and a death god. There is other death gods but non like Danny. There r many gods that r gods of different things but non like Danny. Danny is the first that is a god of juxtaposing things. Protection is inherently preserving life. Death is distorting life. These factors make him a being of balance. He is the embodiment of ‘necessary evil’ or ‘doing bad things for good reasons’.

People that fall into these ‘morally grey’ parts of life become his subjects. As his subjects they r under his protection and when the day comes he will be the one to great them in death.

He has been this for a long time, watching over his people but unable to interfere as is the nature of a god. That is until Jason Todd comes along.

As a man that has been touched by death and now lives to protect Jason is closer to Danny that any of his subjects before. This always Danny to speak with him, to guild him and to protect him. For a long time Jason didn’t even know about this. His only interactions with Danny had been threw dreams or soft words in the back of his mind when the pit got to loud. He thought it was either just the pit or his brain trying to coup with what he has been threw.

Then in a mission one day he has to work with the JLD. This is his first time working with them and upon meeting him they r all rather jumpy. He thinks this is bc of his ‘reputation’ and just decided to let it go. However as things get more and more desperate and they start realising this threat is not something they can deal with alone John turns to Jason and goes:

“Alright, time to call in ur Eldritch sugar daddy.”

“… my what??”

Danny, de aged to like 4 and wondering around the alleys of Gotham after running away from his home dimension and his "responsibilities" as a superhero, "I need a parent. Like an actual parent who will care about me."

Just then, Red Robin lands on a pile of garbage bags and groans, knocked out. Danny smiles and yells up at the sky, "Thank you!"

Another bat makes it to the edge of the roof just in time to see Danny pulling Red Robin through a wall by his cape.

Later, when the bats track him down they try to take Tim back only for thier hands to go through him when they try to grab him. Danny, in all his little kid logic yells, "No! He's my dad now!" >:(

Bruce: I'm here, Nightwing. What's the situation?

Dick: This one is a doozy, Batman. About thirty minutes ago, GCPD responded to a Killer Croc call. Croc was seen thrown out of a manhole by an agitated meta who claims the villain was trespassing in his side of the sewers.

Damian:....I beg your pardon, but what does that mean?

Dick: Honestly Robin, can't even blame you for that question. I'm confused, too.

Bruce: Where is the meta now? Is he dangerous?

Dick: Not that I saw. He seems mostly upset that people are interrupting his dinner. This is his manhole. *Knocks on Manhole cover*

Danny, who's been living in Gotham for three months and extremely homeless popping out:

Dick: As you can see, the suspect is going all out tonight. He's even wearing his dinner hat. He screamed that information at me for five solid minutes.

Danny: ITS MY FANCY DINNER HAT!

Dick: Yes, you said that already.

Tim Drake, Sleep-Deprived Overlord Extraordinaire (and the Boy Who Grounds Him)

The thing about Tim Drake is that he’s brilliant. The thing about Tim Drake without sleep is that he’s unhinged.

It always starts subtly. A missed night of sleep here, a triple shift there. His words get sharper, his focus becomes razor-edged, and the bats can practically see the neurons in his brain firing like a thousand fireworks.

Then, somewhere around hour 56 of no sleep, Tim crosses the threshold into full-blown megalomania.

He doesn’t just think he’s smart—he knows it. He’ll drop gems like, “Honestly, Gotham’s infrastructure is appalling. If I really wanted to, I could take over the city in 72 hours, tops,” or “Do you think I could reprogram every Bat-computer in the Cave before Bruce notices? Because I can.”

Which—yeah, okay, the family knows he’s capable of it, but it’s terrifying.

When he’s in this state, Tim walks around with the energy of someone who’s cracked the secrets of the universe and is two steps away from becoming a benevolent dictator. His confidence is unsettling. His hyper-awareness is borderline supernatural.

The bats try. Oh, do they try.

“Tim,” Dick says gently, holding out a cup of chamomile tea and a soft blanket. “Maybe you should lie down for a bit.”

Tim doesn’t even glance at him. “Lying down is for the weak, Dick. Also, you left your phone on the counter. Might wanna grab it before someone texts Kori again.”

Dick freezes. He did leave his phone on the counter, and he can only hope Tim didn't do anything with it (Though his comment definitely says otherwise).

“Tim,” Bruce says, the Big Bat Voice in full swing. “You need to rest.”

Tim smirks, flipping through his tablet. “Rest is for the dead, and I’m not in the mood for ghosts tonight. Also, you forgot to update the encryption on your personal server. Again.”

Even Damian tries, but he gets as far as hurling a batarang at Tim’s leg before Tim dodges it without looking. “Tsk tsk, Damian. You’re getting predictable.”

It’s chaos. It’s exhausting.

Enter Danny Fenton.

Danny’s used to Tim’s shenanigans by now. He’s been around for enough of Tim’s sleep-deprivation arcs to know the signs. The sharp eyes, the slightly-too-bright smile, the way he starts muttering plans for world domination like he’s drafting a grocery list.

Danny lets it slide for a while—Tim in hyper-mode is kind of cute, in a “my boyfriend might accidentally take over the world” way. But then he sees the bags under Tim’s eyes, the way his hands tremble just slightly from over-caffeination, and he knows it’s time to intervene.

Danny doesn’t use tea. He doesn’t try reason. He doesn’t even bother with the blanket method.

Instead, Danny steps into the Cave, tilts his head at Tim, and says, “Honey, can we cuddle?”

Tim freezes.

The bats, who have been subjected to hours of Tim’s unrelenting, untouchable brilliance, watch in shock as their insurmountable sibling folds like a deck of cards.

“I—uh—cuddle?” Tim stammers, blinking like a deer in headlights.

Danny smiles, soft and sweet and just shy of smug. “Yeah, I miss you. Come to bed with me?”

Tim’s resolve crumbles. He’s already pulling off his gauntlets. “Yeah, okay. Just for a bit.”

“A bit,” Danny agrees, but he’s already leading Tim upstairs.

The bats are left standing in the Cave, mouths agape.

Jason’s the first to break the silence. “Did we just get out-maneuvered by Tim’s boyfriend? The guy who hangs out with Harley Quinn for fun?”

Dick snorts. “I mean, are we really surprised? Danny’s been handling Tim better than any of us for years.”

Bruce exhales, the tension in his shoulders easing. “As long as Tim’s resting, I don’t care how it happened. Danny’s good for him.”

“Yeah,” Jason agrees with a shrug. “Kid’s weird, but he’s got a good head on his shoulders. And if he can get Replacement to sleep, I’ll send him a damn fruit basket.”

The bats exchange a rare moment of collective relief.

Upstairs, Danny tucks Tim into bed, brushing a stray lock of hair from his face as Tim curls into him. He doesn’t care about strategies or what the bats think. All that matters is Tim, finally at peace in his arms.

"Sleep well, genius," Danny murmurs, pressing a kiss to Tim’s forehead. And for the first time in days, Tim does.

I LOVE COMPLEX DATED ADVERBS. Wherein. Heretofore. Thereon. Hereunto. Whereof. Hitherward. Hereinafter. How can you look at these words and not lose your mind. They're insane. I think I'm in love.

DxDp prompt idea

Danny's going to college at Gotham University, he mainly moved to Gotham to keep an eye on Jazz who's working at Arkham and also because he got a scholarship, he sees a few of his classmates struggling so he gives them his summoning sigil, without saying it's his, and helps them understand their studies as the ancient of space in exchange for cans of soda or bags of chips or candy, things take a turn after Danny gives Jazz's boyfriend Jason a sigil without realizing who he is. Shortly after he discovers he (danny) has accidentally started a cult

"... so you started a cult. For what reason?" Jazz said, exasperated.

Danny shuffled his feet. "It wasn't on purpose."

"... so instead of giving people your phone number, you gave them a sigil of summoning, accidentally Pavlov'd them to give you offerings for your assistance, and then helped them with homework? Which also officially marks them as your follower and devotee?"

Danny winced. "When you say it like that, it sounds really bad."

Jazz gave him a look. "It is really bad. You're gaining a following, Danny, and soon, all of this worship will make you another god in this universe. I thought you wanted a normal school year?"

"Noooo..." Danny groaned. "I just wanted to be normal!"

Jazz shook her head to herself and sighed. "It's hopeless. You're going to become a god, Batman is doing to find you, and then the Observants are going to kill you. All because you accidentally started a new religion."

"I just wanted to help! How am I supposed to know that the crazies here are also superstitious?!"

The door opened then, with Jason stepping inside of the apartment. Both siblings turned to look at him. He was holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand for Jazz and a bag of groceries in the other.

"Hey, did you guys hear? There's a new religion starting—"

"WE KNOW!!"