Being A Writer Is Just 97% Googling Words To Make Sure They Mean Exactly What You Always Assumed They

✎Regret, love and death

Itoshi Rin, Itoshi Sae, Michael Kaiser x g/n!reader

Summary: The bllk boys break up with you not knowing you're terminally ill and they meet you again but this time you're dying right in front of them.

Warning: Angst, no fluff, breakup and breakdown, death, grief

A/n: this is super cliche ik but this has been on my mind for months now, it's time i actually write about it. Listening to ditto while making this. I tried to make it g/n so bear with me

Itoshi Rin

"Stay in the middle, like you a little"

Itoshi Rin who left you months ago after a stupid argument he wishes he could've prevented. He tells himself that he doesn't need you anymore and that he'll never open up his heart again.

Itoshi Rin who gets mad when he sees happy couples, he swears it's anger and jealousy but it's mostly confusion and betrayal. He believed that it was your fault that he became this vulnerable but he willingly gave his heart to you.

Being a professional athlete like Itoshi Rin it's common to regularly get some injuries here and there so he visits the hospital.

He waited patiently right outside his clinic, an earbud in one ear and he listened to the environment around him. Squeaky wheelchairs, cries from a hospital room nearby and patients conversing in daily chit-chat. The line at the clinic was taking too long so he decided he'll go next time; but something caught his eye. The soles of his shoes clack on the marble floor at the empty hallway and the music he's listening to but he hears the faint beating of a heart monitor. Then, he sees your name in one hospital room.

He couldn't believe his eyes. There was a folder attached loosely on the door, your name written in lazy cursive and numerous descriptions he couldn't understand. Rereading and rereading the name on the folder over and over again, his eyes narrowed as he decided to look over to the glass window at the door; he saw you. Rin doesn't understand why you were here and why the folder was marked "terminal— confined" . The writings are too messy for him to understand but his heart beats loudly through his body like a gong.

He tries to convince himself it's probably someone else but he knew you too much to know that the one stuck in that wrinkly hospital bed was you.

He has to go, he has to but he doesn't. He takes a deep breath and opens the door. You open your eyes as you realize your peace was disturbed from the loud creaking of the door. You scrunch your nose and blink your eyes as you take a look at the figure standing at the side of your bed, it was Rin.

"You… why are you here?" He whispered, you could barely hear him but he stared down at you with pity, anger, grief— you don't know.

"I should be the one asking you that." Your voice was muffled by the oxygen mask strapped to your head as you sat yourself up and looked up to him, he tried to avoid your gaze as he looked over to the IVs inserted into your wrists, wires everywhere he was sure he almost stepped on one.

Rin furrowed his brows in irritation, all this pent up anger from the break up bursting all at once, "What the fuck happened to you?"

You gave him a weak smile, "A week before we broke up… I was diagnosed with a heart disease. I couldn't tell you what happened to me, then we fought but I was too scared and stressed I broke things off."

Rin breathes raggedly, fear and guilt flooding his senses; wondering why he was such an idiot to leave you.

"Will you get better?"

You smile again at his stupidity, you know he's seen the document attached at the door saying 'patient in hospice' but Rin wants to hear it from you, he wants you to confirm his thoughts. Maybe even deny it so he'll feel better. You feel tears drip down your arm as you watch him shaken like he's seen a ghost.

"I won't, so go now."

Rin wants to pour out all his emotions, everything welling up inside his heart— the thoughts brewing in the depths of his heart that ate him alive from the time you were seperated but he holds himself back.

His knees buckled and his strength prior to this incident dissipated into nothing as he held onto his remaining resolve. Like the coward he always was, he leaves and never comes back… but he will come back to you eventually; with a chrysanthemum in hand this time and a fresh black suit he picked out.

Itoshi Sae

"Don't want no riddle, Say it, Say it back"

Itoshi Sae who visits Japan for the first time in months, only going back to renew his passport.

It wasn't his intention to pass by your old friend group in public, he eavesdropped on their mindless conversation then they started talking about you.

Itoshi Sae listens to their conversation, getting some details about you. Hearing that you got confined somewhere and that there was no one to take care of you other than the nurses and hospice workers stationed at your room.

Itoshi Sae who tries to keep that newfound information out of his mind but the thought of you being confined in a hospital is making his heart race. Not in love nor from the butterflies he used to get when talking to you— no. He couldn't stop thinking of you. He promised to himself to never interact with you, avoid every single thing that reminded him of you but he couldn't. He just couldn't.

Itoshi Sae who visits the hospital and asks where you are, pretending that he was a visitor to the nurses was easier than he thought.

"Are you asking about that patient?"

He nodded, the nurse was stupid enough to fall for his charms as she sent him the directions to your room. Sae knows what dangerous game he's playing, if he comes back to you again then it defeats the purpose of avoiding you forever like he promised himself but he still goes.

It was a nice afternoon, birds chirping and he saw little children from the nursery running around in the hallways with toys in their hands. He mentally prepared himself for what he was about to see, turning away from your hospital room for a moment before entering.

His eyes softened for a moment when he laid his eyes on you, you were reading a book— an eerie one at that. Sae raised an eyebrow when he noticed that you didn't hear him enter, what if you were deliberately ignoring him? He was sure you were but he didn't catch your attention until he stepped closer to your bed, a shadow looming over you as you slowly looked up to him.

The two of you stare at each other for what it felt like forever, he's still looking at you like that. Love in his irises but there's a tint of melancholy.

You could see Sae saying something to you, you tried to read his lips but his words fell on deaf ears.

Sae was getting irritated on why you didn't respond but you took the white board that was resting on your bedside table. He patiently watched you write something on the board, clack, clack, clack.

'Im deaf. I can't hear you.'

Just months ago you were fine but he gets more ill with worry when his mind starts to drift and wonder what could've happened to you when he left you here all alone.

You erased the writing on the board, giddily like a child as you handed him the board next, signaling him to also write you something.

The athlete hesitated for a moment before grabbing the board off your hands, writing something hastily. He feels like if he wasted any more time he'll lose everything— but he knew that he already did the moment when he called it quits months ago.

'What happened', he wrote on the board, streaks of ink staining his palm but that's the least of his worries.

You sat up in a more comfortable position before opening the drawer, taking a clipboard, medical documents clipped to the board. Sae reads the papers, his throat starts burning and he feels tears building up in his eyes. He flips through the papers, information about your condition printed on the tiny pieces of paper as he reads through everything.

You couldn't understand what he was muttering under his breath but you were sure it was something… the way he bit his lip to hold back the tears and the way his hands got sweaty as he scanned the board.

Sae loved many things, you, soccer, coffee and the beach. There was something about hospitals that made him uneasy. Hospitals correlated to injury and death— a big no no for him. But as an athlete, a pro one at that it's not surprising that he regularly visits the hospital for nutrition advice or medicine. Though… this one was his worst visit yet. He told himself that he won't ever cry or love you again, that's why it's 'Sae loved' but he realizes he still loves you. Even though you're stuck on the hospital bed, sickly and dying, your arms littered with scars from the tubes that go in and out your skin and maybe the way you look so frail and skinny now compared to what you looked like months ago; he still loves you. He realized that in this moment he's always going to be looking for you the way you pathetically looked for him in the hospital, wishing he was there after you two broke up.

At least now the gods were merciful enough to grace you with his presence for the last time, even in this situation you still smiled at him like he deserved to see that again.

Itoshi Sae who visits you again tomorrow before you pull off the plug, Pain plastered on his face as he holds you tightly. He broke his promise.

To you, to never hurt you.

To himself, to never love you again.

Michael Kaiser

"Oh say it ditto, Can't wait till the morning, So say it ditto"

Michael Kaiser pretends he's fine after the break up and to distract himself from the pain, he dates other people— looking for someone who can fill the void you carved in his heart, looking for you.

Michael Kaiser who still wears the cardigan you bought him, giving him solace and comfort when he curls up in his bed alone, wishing you were there with him.

You and Kaiser didn't break up on bad terms, more like a confusing and neutral breakup. He told you he was done and you didn't beg him to stay, after all he neglected you for his selfish desires. He's like an icarus who has flown too close to the sun, his ego representing the melting wax wings of icarus— it burned your skin and melted your patience.

Michael Kaiser still stalks you in his other account you forgot that existed. He wouldn't admit it but he patiently waited for an update on your account.

Michael Kaiser who stalks your account and finally sees something. Your parents' post talking about you being stuck in the hospital.

Michael Kaiser doesn't cry, he can't. Images on the posts ingraining— burning itself in the deepest parts of his brain then it triggers something in him. Confusion.

He doesn't know the exact details of your situation but he's too curious to scroll past the post.

Michael Kaiser who gets a cab and arrives at your hospital, like a man with no shame he looks for your room.

It was nighttime and the hospital was uncannily quiet, he wasn't sure why but the guard was doing a terrible job at guarding the entrance of the hospital. Kaiser walks past the sleepy guard, ignoring the thumping sound of the guard falling on the floor as he makes his way to the lady on the desk.

"What brings you in here, sir?"

He pushes up his glasses, "I'm looking for my lover, [patient name]", he says boldly, lying through his teeth but he knows it's the only way they'll let him in.

"Give me a minute," the nurse starts flipping through the hospital log book, "They're at room 405, third floor."

Kaiser nods, thanking the nurse as he takes the elevator.

'ding' Kaiser enters the elevator, checking his watch while waiting for it to arrive at the third floor. The elevator was dimmed and it looked like a scene straight from horror movies, another old lady in a wheelchair strolls to the elevator.

"What's a handsome young man like you doing in the dead of the night here?" The grandma says in a hoarse voice, grey hairs covering her face as she holds onto both her wheelchair and fruits.

Though Kaiser is an asshole, a liar, he naturally had a soft spot for children and the elderly. "I'm here for my… lover" he doesn't know what gave it away but the older woman noticed the hesitance in his voice.

The grandma nodded at his reply, 'ding!'

"I guess this is my stop." Kaiser stepped out of the elevator, waving goodbye to the elderly woman and ambled in the hallway.

The scent of disinfectant invaded his nostrils, though the smell gets more diverse as he passes by different hospital rooms. He hears people screaming and crying at the room to his left and the other room dead silent, as if a corpse inhabited the room to his right.

Sweat starts trickling down his forehead when he counts the hospital room's numbers and realizes he's getting closer to yours. 'shit, shit, shit' his mind spiralling into madness, anxiety as he braces himself for what he's about to see.

His legs started to feel like jelly as his feet dragged him in front of your hospital room. A feeling of uncertainty, something he never felt again after breaking up with you.

Months ago when you two broke up he wondered if maybe you'd crawl back to him, like a child who ran away but comes home again the day after, but you didn't.

The door pulled open as he made his way inside, the lights were turned off but the sound of humming took him by surprise.

"I can hear you, you know."

Oh, that voice. That voice that could soothe him on days like these, your voice so gentle he thinks it's a sweet melody, a lullaby so sweet it would bring the devil down on his knees begging and repenting for forgiveness if he ever heard your voice.

The German boy doesn't come forward, only staring at your disheveled figure on the bed, waiting for death themselves to take you away from your misery.

"Have you eaten yet?"

Your fingers traced the lamp before finding the switch, making a flick sound as the soft illuminating glow lights up the room. You nod as you sit up, hugging yourself as you find comfort in the bandages that wrapped around your body.

"I'm sorry." It was the first time he's ever said this to you in ages, he wished he said this to you back then, he wishes that he was there for you.

Maybe he was the devil, cruel and mean, strong yet so weak. His knees buckled as he let out a choked sob, his fears that builded up couldn't hold in much longer as tears streamed down his face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kaiser says in between his sobs, the prideful man being broken down into a pathetic, crying mess.

Your fingers fiddled together in anxiety, you always had that stupid habit of yours when in distress. As much as you couldn't forgive Kaiser— he's too weak, too vulnerable for you to ignore.

Still Kaiser was shameless but not too shameless to go even a few inches closer to your bed, his mind racing— thinking that everything is all his fault as his heart rate goes up.

"Why should I? We're not even together." His chest tightens, if anyone could see him right now they'd think he's a fucking idiot— crying over the dying lover he left to rot in the hospital? Piece of shit.

"Yeah I know." He tries to calm himself down but he knows it's useless when you pick up on his uneasy behavior.

Kaiser wanted to ask you, 'let's get back together?' or maybe 'please forgive me' because he's a shameless prick but it's the first time he doesn't let his pride take over his senses.

He grieves right in front of you, your eyes never leaving his as his body language is signaling you, begging you to say something but it's better that you didn't.

He has all the time in the world to grieve for you after all, he's a shameless, selfish man… isn't he?

Notes: hell nah i'm sorry if there was so many grammar mistakes and stuff this isn't really proofread and i'm thinking of opening requests so like uh what do you guys think should i open requests

Written by @khuzena. Likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated. ♡

PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO READ! ｡ﾟ･ (>﹏ <) ･ﾟ｡

in order to help raise funds to pay for my semester fees (see lil explanation here) I'll be offering love letters from my kofi on a buy 1 get 1 free basis!

｡ﾟ( ﾟ^∀^ﾟ)ﾟ｡ buy a love letter from any character and get another letter for free! this is a limited offer with limited slots so be sure to grab yours while you can ^·^

all details can be found HERE on my kofi <3 have a great week everyone!!

⋆ ࣪. ˖ ࣪⭑ 10/ 10 slots available.

officially ended my enstars phase ,, 2021-2023 🙏

Reblog to give the person you reblogged this from a Croissant (🥐).

-;, the worst ! ; michael kaiser > in which, you discover your boyfriend wears glasses.

“‘michael kaiser’s forehead is so big that you could play multiple games of hangman on it.’”

you’re seated on the couch of your boyfriend’s apartment, scrolling aimlessly through various social media as he trekked the length of the living room behind you. it was a lazy sunday, the kind that was meant to be spent in the company of those you cherished. at your statement, though, you hear the pacing stop. the only sounds remaining are the raindrops kissing the curtained windows.

“excuse me?” you don’t need to be looking at kaiser to know that he’s glowering at you. 

“that’s not me. it’s a tweet.”

you turn to the back of the couch, which kaiser moves to lean over, and show him the image displayed on the screen of your device. he’s not paying much attention to that, though. “my forehead is not that big.”

“hey, i never said it was!”

“but you basically just agreed.”

“sorry. it’s just the urge to play hangman on your forehead.”

kaiser purses his lips at you. “you.. want to play hangman.. on my forehead?”

he doesn’t give you a chance to reply, though, as he flourishes a dramatic hand in your face and flounces away. “you’re just like the rest of them, only wanting me for my body.”

you laugh, and a grin creeps onto kaiser’s face as he moves to the end table placed next to the couch. you watch as he pulls open the drawer and removes something shiny and golden- a pair of glasses. he slides them onto his face before plopping down on the couch next to you. “show me the tweet, baby?”

he reaches to grab it but you move away, shifting so you’re facing him. “hold on- hold on. what?”

his brow furrows in the way that makes you want to pinch his cheeks. “what do you mean, ‘what?’”

you don’t give him a response, simply placing your phone down by your side and delicately pulling the glasses off his face. it almost hurts, with how pretty he is even when he’s fully confused by your actions. “i didn’t know you had glasses.”

kaiser’s more bemused than confused now as he watches you examine the frames in your hands. “so you were just so surprised by how gorgeous i look, then?”

“yeah.”

kaiser feels his heart implode in his chest.

“it was a welcome change.”

kaiser’s heart is no longer imploding.

with a gusty sigh, he leans into your side. his jaw rests on your shoulder, and you can feel it when he speaks: “you were being so nice to me 20 minutes ago.”

“20 minutes ago i didn’t want to play hangman on your forehead.”

“so you do want to?”

your only response is a giggle that sends his head spinning in the way that only you have ever seemed to do, and it’s worsened when you slide the glasses onto your own face. he’s infinitely grateful that due to your distorted vision, you weren’t able to see the rosy glow on his face.

“how do i look?”

“god, you’re so fucking cute.”

shifting to face you, his hand moves deftly to push the frames farther up onto the bridge of your nose, and he allows it to linger on the curve of your jaw. the skin of his palm ghosts your cheek, and you allow yourself to lean into kaiser’s touch.

“is this why you set the font size on your phone to the biggest setting? you’re just like my grandma.”

your boyfriend practically recoils and you fight the laughter bubbling in your throat. he coughs in a vain attempt to try and regain his composure but you’re burying your head in his chest in a bout of giggles. his hand finds its way to your hair and he cradles you like precious gemstones.

“i’m taking that as a compliment, actually,” he decides, voice quieter than it was before, “your grandma is cool.”

“of course you’d think that. she adores you.”

“she has wonderful taste.”

“quite the opposite, actually. anyone who likes you has horrible, horrible taste.”

your voice is muffled by the fabric of the white sweater which is askew on his shoulder. your breath is warm on his skin.

“what does that say about you then, baby?”

you let out an exhale that makes him laugh, before replying: “i’ve got it the worst, i think. the worst ever.”

hellooo! can i request a, b + h for sena please? thank you! ♡♡♡

izumi sena + alphabet prompt a, b & h

a = affection ( how affectionate are they? how do they show affection? )

b = babe ( what would they use as pet names? do they use them a lot?)

h = hugs ( do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like? )

izumi, for the sake of his image, can not even possibly imagine of showing affection...at least in public. but even when you're alone, he is subtle—carelessly holding your hand, or moving your hair behind your ear so that he can caress you... he really tries to hide it, but you know him so he can't hide his actions from you very well. basically, izumi is affectionate in his way: he does it in a way that he hopes you don't notice, even with words. he likes to use words that he thinks "you would never understand because you're silly" and there he drops a cute word: silly! see? as if he studies how to tell you how much you're adorable😭

izumi + petnames = my love. simple but effective. of course only in private, in public he just calls you by your name—but izumi thinks that yours is a nice name, he always blushes just a little, even though you can still see the bright red shade on his face. hehe ><

back to the first point, izumi is not a lover of loving acts. that does not mean he won't give you hugs, specifically—always following the usual "in private" practice, izumi will circle your waist with an arm and holding you close from the side, and when he wants you closer, he just gives up his pride, and holds you firmly in his arms. love really makes a bad effect on izumi, does it?

— nyakaze, 2022. do not plagiarize, repost as yours or translate. reblogs are appreciated <3

SEASON OF LOVE - LOVE FLOWERS

pairing: kaiser x gn! reader

day 0 ← masterlist → day 2

he stood in the flower shop. a stranger in a strange land. michael kaiser had never bought flowers for a partner before; it felt strange and unfamiliar. looking around, unsure of what to do, he felt like an intruder. like he wasn't supposed to be there. like he didn't belong.

he felt the eyes of the shopkeeper upon him, judging him, and he felt a sudden wave of anxiety veil over his being.

it was the time of year when the flowers were in full bloom. the air was filled with the sweet scent of roses, and the streets were lined with colourful bouquets of daisies and lilies. he felt it was his duty to buy you flowers since having first heard your fondness for the delicate bloom. so why did it feel disingenuous to be standing here in middle of all the beautifully cut and arranged flowers in pretty pots waiting to be taken home to you?

"how may i help you sir?"

it was the same shopkeeper who had been inspecting him with a look of disgust or disapproval. which one it was, kaiser didn't know. but he didn't really care

"yes actually. i'm looking for flowers to get for my partner."

"a partner...so what are their favourite flowers?"

"i'm not entirely sure."

"you're not sure." he sounded so utterly disinterested it almost offended kaiser. "favourite colour perhaps?"

it finally struck him. he didn't deserve to be your romantic partner at all. he had no idea how to make a romantic gesture, how to express his feelings in a way that would be meaningful to his beloved. kaiser felt like a clumsy child, unable to speak matters of heart. but then again, even children knew their crush's favourite colour.

"see, we don't really talk about that..."

"it really isn't my place to comment...but, perhaps seek out a relationship therapist rather than just buying flowers as an apology."

how dare he? kaiser didn't need some stupid flower shop to get flowers. he didn't need this treatment. he didn't deserve it.

"as you said, it's not your place to comment."

kaiser still felt unfamiliar and like an intruder, the only difference was that he didn't care to fit in anymore. so he left. the only problem that now remained was getting you those flowers.

it wasn't long before he found himself in front of a gaping meadow. the meadow was a vision of beauty, a tapestry of colour and texture, a dreamscape of wildflowers. while the sun shone down from a cloudless sky, the air was alive with the scent of spring and kaiser felt like he was about to drift away. the grass was a lush, vibrant green, and the flowers were a riot of pinks and purples, yellows and blues. a breathtaking harmony of nature's bounty.

perfect for you.

the figure of a man, moved slowly through the meadow, his gaze intent on the flowers that surrounded him. he was picking them, one by one, carefully selecting the most beautiful blooms and holding them in his hand gently. he imagined how you would react. a bright smile for sure, he couldn't wait for that smile. like a ray of sunshine, illuminating the room with its warmth and beauty.

in fact, when he gave you those same flowers, some with their roots still sticking out, dirt under his nails, you smiled. oh you smiled so so brightly, if the sun was still out your smile would've been a fair competitor.

"for me?"

"who else?" he said sheepishly, holding the flowers out to you while looking away. it was quite unnatural for you to see him like this, but you didn't mind really.

"why would you pick them yourself? there are are flower shops for a reason..."

"i didn't like any of the flower arrangements there."

"oh yeah? so what makes your flower arrangement better." you teased. you knew he hadn't thought that hard about it but you were curious to see what he'd come up with on the spot.

"the smoothness of the petals remind me of your soft skin, under my touch–"

"is that so?" you couldn't help giggling, he looked so passionate about it, it felt unreal.

"shh i have more to say. the sweet fragrance of the blooms reminds me of your sweet smiles." he was getting closer to you now, pulling you in by the waist. he didn't even have to whisper for you to hear him.

"shut up." your body shaking with laughter, you could feel a blush burning your cheeks.

"i was reminded of the way you laugh, your head thrown back and eyes sparkling with joy, when i saw the way the petals seemed to dance in the breeze."

he leaned in, lips brushing against yours in a series of small kisses. you giggled, eyes twinkling with delight just as he had said, and you couldn't help but smile. you stayed like that for a moment, lips barely touching, and then you both burst into laughter.

the air was filled with a playful energy, and you were glad you had him with you here, close and warm. you stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, bodies intertwined in a passionate embrace, and you knew that you had found your home.

Undead Hug headcanons.

I think about hugs way too often and have a lot of headcanons about them for some reason so here's Undead bc I love them <3

info ; gn!reader | sfw | fluff.

𝗥 𝗘 𝗜 .

His hugs are soft.

He'll hold you like you're delicate and fragile, almost as if he's in disbelief. How'd he get so lucky?

Hugs from behind while you work are his favorite, of course aside from coffin cuddles. He'll leave butterfly kisses all over your neck and shoulder, taking advantage of his lips behind so close to your ears and whispering to you all sorts of sweet nothings. He takes delight in the shivers that run down your spine at the feeling of his breath against your skin and his adoring words.

He may not be the strongest, but he'll attempt to pick you up from behind. Once you hear his spine crack, please wiggle out of his grasp otherwise he may end up hospitalized...

Around others, he'll often have an arm around your waist, or your arms linked. He's a gentleman.

He doesn't often have a smell, but when he does he smells like vanilla for some reason. It's a bit strong on the nose and Koga complains about it, but you find it pleasant.

𝗞 𝗔 𝗢 𝗥 𝗨 .

His hugs are playful.

He'll sneak up on you when distracted and pick you up, twirling you around just to hear your excited squeaks. Unlike Rei, he can handle your weight a lot better. And it's always worth it to hear you laugh whenever he does it.

He likes it when you sit between his legs with your back to his chest. He wraps around you completely like a koala. If you're doing homework, or playing video games, or watching a movie, or even just sitting there doing nothing on your phone - he will want you cuddled against him like that.

Will absolutely get bored of watching you do whatever it is you're doing eventually and start smothering you in kisses instead.

When hugging, expect your butt to be squeezed suddenly. He will take the smack like a champ.

Around others, will have an arm slung around your shoulders holding you close. You're his, and everyone must know!

He smells like coffee often. Lattes, cappuccinos, plain coffee, you name it. Depends on what coffee shop he sat in earlier.

𝗞 𝗢 𝗚 𝗔 .

His hugs are protective.

Don't expect any hugs at first though! He's gotta keep up the tough and cool lone wolf act! You're lucky he even accepted the relationship offer hmph!

Eventually his touch starved ass will want to indulge in the parts of a relationship that make the relationship.

Starting with hugs and cuddles, of course!

When he hugs you, it's almost like an attack. He's aggressive with the tightness and doesn't relent even when you whine about it. But it also feels as if he doesn't want you to get out of his arms, so you don't slip away.

But whenever you initiate the hugging, it's a different story. He'll be taken back for a few seconds, sitting there stiff. But if you dare and pet his hair... He's going to absolutely melt in your embrace. He's going to put his face in your chest and silently beg you to keep going. He can't recall the last time anyone was so soft to him, he claims to be a wolf but he's just a little puppy! Indulge him a bit more <3

He'd like to cuddle if you were sitting on his lap. He likes feeling big and protective!

Around others, he won't flaunt any PDA. But he miiight hold your hand if he's feeling nice <3

Honestly he just often smells like Leon...

𝗔 𝗗 𝗢 𝗡 𝗜 𝗦 .

His hugs are safe.

His arms are strong and his body is big and his physique is sturdy.

Whenever he hugs you, he's almost afraid he'll break you. He knows you're no porcelain doll, but he doesn't trust his strength, especially with the urge he always has to protect you.

It takes a bunch of attempts before he accepts your reassurance and starts tightening his hugs a bit more.

That doesn't make them feel any less safe though. His embrace is warm and you can feel his love for your radiating from it. His heart is always so full of adoration for you, absolutely melting whenever he sees you press yourself further into his hug with a smile on your face.

He likes spooning. He likes wrapping his big frame around yours and enjoying the warmth of the embrace. But if you want to be the big spoon then he won't complain, he thinks it's cute. Even if he'd prefer to see your face, it's still comfortable.

Around others, he has no shame. He'll sling you over his shoulder if he feels like it, he doesn't care. You're his partner, why should he feel ashamed to show it off? Why be secretive about it as if you two are in some affair? He'll kiss you and hold you close and hold your hand and hug you. In this world, it's just you and him.

He smells like meat. Makes him all the more nom-able.

— ੈ✩ DISTRACTIONS !

# 03 - heathers

— MLIST ;; okay so, y/n & rin's POVs were suppose to be 2 diff chapters but i didn't want to post anything small so yeah + their povs have like a 4hr difference between them.

rin was pissed, to say the least—no, saying he was angry was merely an understatement—he was exasperated due to the fact that a newcomer would dare question his soccer skills.

no one, absolutely no one ever judged his play style—every one would always compliment him and say he's tremendously good at the sport. that's how things were. only his brother ever called his skill pathetic and ever since then, he's been trying to desperately prove him wrong.

he was used to seeing his opponents cry, weep and stare at him with hatred after he obliterated them in soccer—he enjoyed seeing their distressed faces as they shouted profanities at him. he was amused by it but he knew it wasn't enough.

it's never enough. not for him, anyways.

so why was he so upset over his coach's child? he didn't know. maybe it was just him letting his guard down. he didn't want to feel vulnerable due to her claims.

however, what made him feel worse was the realization that no matter how hard he tried, he'd always be a mere copy of his brother. anything his brother could do, he could too but never to his level.

he hated it. he hated how right she was. if he really wanted to crush his dear brother's dream then he shouldn't be doing it by following and mimicking him now, should he?

but then, a horrifying thought crossed his mind, was he doing it for his goal or was he doing it to prove her wrong?

he'd been playing in this old playground for hours on end, throwing the ball into the goal, over and over again. yet as his attempts increased, he began to realise that no matter how hard he tried, he'd always just be his brother's shadow, a measly number two.

this playground was the remembrance of it-of his innocence of when he trusted his brother to show him the amazing world of football only get his dreams and heart crushed.

but, that was his goal, wasn't it? back when he was young and naive, his goal was to replace his dear brother but that got destroyed, crushed and lost.

just thinking about that memory made him want to punch a wall and scream his heart out. he hated how much his brother's words controlled his life. he was bound to them like chains to a prisoner—he was a prisoner to his brother's words.

'you sure do mimic him a lot on the field.'

those words rang in his mind again.

albeit, was it true? he hadn't watched any of his brother's match since the incident so he wouldn't know. he does remember, however, small fragments of how his brother used to play with his dominant left foot instead of the usual right. he noticed it. he noticed how correct the newcomer was. instead of using his right leg to score a goal. for the entire evening, he'd been using his left, too.

the realisation made him want to break apart his left leg. he truly despised this, so much. but could he ever change it? no, he couldn't.

but, he could focus on his own way of destroying his brother so he would no longer get this frustrated over someone else's words nor would he be just "sae's brother".

he took the ball again, which was laying near inside the goal and put it back into it's place near his leg and kicked it again into the goal, using his right this time.

he didn't care about the fatigue or the build-up of lactic acid in his legs, he just wanted to prove everyone wrong and that's what he was going to do.

he'd changed his way of scoring with his dominant leg instead of his weak one. slowly but surely, he'd change every aspect of his play style to outdo sae itoshi and leave y/n l/n speechless.

but why? why y/n and not just his brother? his only motivation for playing soccer in the first place has been because of his dear brother so why was he thinking of that newcomer now?

it was foreign to him to play soccer for another reason other than to outdo his brother but since your harsh words penetrated his ears, he hadn't been feeling like himself.

was he feeling worse? or was he getting better? he didn't know. all he knew that since he left practice today, his mind had been plagued with your face and words.

why, why, why did she have such an effect on him? she had managed to change his motivations for ever playing soccer.

no, that can't be right. he couldn't. he couldn't play for soccer for another reason other than to prove his brother wrong.

yet even so, he knew it wasn't true. he had many other reasons to play soccer—one of them was you but as long as he could convince himself that his reasons were just about his brother then maybe, just maybe he'll accomplish his goals.

yes, he'd rather live a comfortable lie than face the foreign truth and that was exactly what he was doing right now.

if he could just convince himself then maybe he'll prevent himself from ever feeling like that again.

y/n was tossing and turning across her bed as she mindlessly watched the movie that was playing on her laptop. in actuality, she was just scrolling through her phone while the movie just played in the background-any attention she had for it was lost and given to her phone, instead.

until, she got a notification from her messages app, indicating that she had been added to a groupchat by eita.

she sighed but she expected it since she exchanged numbers with the entire team earlier. she was aware that sooner or later, she'd be troubled by their constant messages.

she turned to lay on her back with her phone held directly above her face as she opened the chat to see what the issue was (since her phone had been ringing non-stop since she got added.)

TAGS !! @vvasant @hugs4shizu @catsrkool @beidousbubz

-;, gloves ; itoshi rin > you can’t stand rin. he abhors you right back- at least, you're pretty sure he does, anyways.

## author's note: surprise! this was meant to be a drabble! shout out to mai for the awesome feedback i <3 u

there is no sound more grating than itoshi rin’s voice. it’s like nails on a chalkboard, a premonition of bad things to come.

his ego is insufferable. the way he looks down on everyone else is embarrassing and cruel. and he’s mean, with the way shuns anyone who tries to speak to him with his brutal words.

you, however, are lucky enough to be the top name on his hit list. he never holds back with you, his words his weapon and you his enemy. with others, he'd be content with ignoring them if they stayed out of his way. but with you? he's always hated your guts. you're not too sure why, but you're not complaining.

long before you realized who he was- (a lunatic, a loser, an egotist)- you were rather impartial to him. it was rin, first, who'd burned the barely-there bridge that lay between you. his sharp looks and uncalled-for comments had blistered your nerves and frayed your patience like it was fine thread.

he never passes on an opportunity to take a dig at you- your looks, your personality, your humor- whatever he can get, he takes. so yeah, itoshi rin hates you, and by proxy, the feeling is very much mutual.

so when he shows up in your clinic 5 minutes before closing, you are beyond annoyed.

well, it's not exactly your clinic- though, it might as well be. it's on the blue lock site, and run by an older woman who's never really there. on the rare occasions she actually showed up to work, she could usually be found in a deep slumber on one of the beds, snoozing peacefully as if there weren't injured athletes coming in every hour.

you basically ran the thing, even though you were only meant to be an apprentice. it was never a bother, though- the players of blue lock were generally not weird and not too annoying. actually, you had been having a pretty lovely day- some of the contestants you'd befriended had visited you and hung around for an hour or so, keeping you company as you tidied the small space.

it's safe to say your good mood was soured the instant a certain individual walked through the doors. the bell jingles and you snap upright from where you were sweeping debris from the floor, eyes narrowing as you saw who it was.

rin looked less than happy to be there. his arms were crossed over his chest, and his expression was flat and annoyed. his figure contrasted the blank, dark sky. past him, you could see snowdrifts lining the floor outside the clinic. you'd forgotten how cold it had been recently. if rin felt the bitter chill, he didn't show it.

he's wearing his practice attire with a navy crewneck thrown over top, and a pair of thin gloves. and he doesn't seem the slightest bit cold. you wonder if he's used to the snow- was it common where he was from?

"what're you here for?" you sound unfriendly and you don't think you'd have it any other way. his nostrils flare and he shuts the door behind him.

(as he moved, you notice a slight, strange shifting in his steps- a limp.)

"it’s not by choice, trust me,” he mutters. unceremoniously, he plops onto one of the open beds and kicks up his feet. his shoes are still on. you think he does this just to spite you.

you check the time. 5 minutes until 9 pm, until you’d finally be free to take the bus back to your apartment. you sigh and make a mental note to look up when the next bus would come.

“your leg?”

“yeah.”

you’re a bit surprised he hasn’t had anything bitter to say yet, as you examine his injury- a dark bruise forming above an undeniably sprained ankle. your fingers flutter over the darkened skin- an expanse that surpasses the main injury, spreading past his knee to his outer thigh.

you put on a poker face to hide your grimace- this must’ve hurt. and you notice that rin, too, stills under your touch. his skin burns hot and you’re not even touching him.

“do you.. have a fever?”

rin scoffs and jerks his head away so he’s not looking at you. “are you stupid? you’re the medical professional here.”

his words drip with venom and your brow furrows. you reach across him to place the back of your palm against his warm face. “you’re burning up.”

he swats your hand away with a scowl. you don’t miss the slight pink tinge to his cheeks, and your eyes widen in surprise. a smile tugs at your lips.

“looks like a nasty sprain.” you’re already back behind your desk, leaving rin alone. you busy yourself with continuing to tidy up and the force of his gaze burns into you like fire.

“okay? what do you want me to do with that information, you piece of shit pediatrician?”

your head pops out from behind the desk. “i’m not a pediatrician.”

“you seem like the kind of person who can only get along with children and not people your own age.”

a huff of air escapes you. “i get along fine with people who aren't... y'know."

he swings his legs off the bed and you give him a look. "you've gotta rest. keep that leg elevated, and put ice or pressure on it. that might hurt, though, with the bruising."

your words brought rin back to the memory of your hands ghosting his skin and he loses the steel tone to his voice. "am i free to go?"

you shrug. you would like to be meaner but you're too tired at the moment. "sure. just come back in like, a week, so i can check on you."

"you're a horrible doctor."

"i'm not a doctor."

"then you're just horrible."

something tells you that rin is too tired to argue, as well, because he's all bark and no bite. his attempts make you laugh and you think you're either going crazy or can see a ghost of a smile creasing his face. you blink and it's gone- but he's still there.

"are you gonna go?"

"i will," he starts defensively, "just waiting for you."

he blinks like his words surprised even himself. you tilt your head. "how very polite."

"of course. wouldn't want anyone to catch a glimpse of your face and then wither away and die."

"oh. nevermind."

he stands up and tries to hide how he winces when his injured leg hits the floor. you watch him slide on his gloves warily. "you done cleaning or what?"

"i'm done."

"come on, then."

you're not sure what changed. maybe the snow that had been falling earlier that day had gotten inhaled and stuck in between his neurons. he hadn't stopped staring at you since he'd entered the clinic, either. he's never been so normal around you. you glance at him as he opens the door for you and there's a heaviness under his eyes- he's tired.

oh. that explains it. itoshi rin does hate you- he's just too exhausted to be bitchy about it. something in you wilts, but you hate him too so you pay it no mind.

the both of you walk in silence until you're about halfway through the property, your negativity brewing like tea in a kettle. it's close to indescribable, how you feel. you want to talk to rin. but he wouldn't want to talk to you. and you shouldn't, you really shouldn't want to like this annoying, insufferable, arrogant piece of human garbage.

"where's your apartment?" he asks.

(your kettle boils over.)

"not far. 10 minutes out."

he nods. you expect the walk to continue in silence until he speaks again. (you hate to admit that you are so, so happy it doesn't.)

"i didn't mean to make you miss your bus."

you snort a laugh and he glances over at you. "is that an apology?"

and suddenly, he can't meet your eyes. oh. it was. you shift your gaze and he suddenly looks very small and uncomfortable, walking next to you. "i'd rather you see me than just go home for that. it's my job. i don't mind."

"i thought you said you weren't a doctor."

"i'm definitely not."

an air of tension shattered with that brief conversation. the ice in the air had melted, and you weren't too sure what to make of it. you pretended to not see the way rin's eyes never left your figure as he continued walking in silence beside you.

‧̍̊˙· 𓆝.° ｡˚𓆛˚｡ °.𓆞 ·˙‧̍̊

the bus station is quiet and empty. the whisper of the wind forces a shiver out of you as the icy air licks your skin. rin's gaze flits over you the way it has so many times that day, as you take a seat on the bench.

checking the time on your phone, you see that it's a good 10 minutes until the bus' arrival. you bite the inside of your cheek. "thank you for walking me."

"mhm."

rin remains standing, arms crossed.

"especially with your fucked up leg."

"it's not fucked up."

at this, you laugh again. he half-glares at you but there's something softer lingering in his expression- something you don't recognize. "i'm a doctor. you can't lie to me about these things."

"so now you're a doctor?"

"i'm more of one than you."

his brow furrows and he sits on your left. "that doesn't make any sense. of course you are."

"my point exactly."

he sighs but you think he might be fighting a smile. and you're hit with a strange feeling because there's no way that this is the same boy that you've held a grudge against since the day you met him.

he's easy to talk to, even if he doesn't have the most creative replies. he'd caring, even if he doesn't outright show it. you wonder what else you could learn about the enigma that is itoshi rin tonight.

and then you feel even stranger, because he hates you. there's no way around it. he glares at you at any given chance, he calls you demeaning things, he hasn't said a kind word to you, he's never even spared you a glance until tonight.

you wonder what changed, as you look at him. he turns his gaze to you and electricity sparks as your eyes meet. he opens his mouth. he closes it. and then he speaks.

"are you cold?"

you blink in surprise, because you were cold, to the bone, shivering like a leaf in the wind. you're fully dressed and wearing the warmest sweater you could find, but your hands are still reddened with frost. you're kind of impressed by how rin seems unaffected.

"a little," you lie. he sighs and you watch in silence as he peels off his right glove and hands it to you.

"here."

you blink down at the worn, black glove before sliding it onto your right hand. "thanks."

and your heart stutters, and then stops, because he reaches down without looking and holds your bare hand with his. his skin is warm to the touch and you swear you can hear his heartbeat lurch in his wrist. you look at him and he keeps staring straight ahead.

he runs hot, you realize, which is probably why he was able to bear the temperatures outside. did he even need gloves? why was he wearing this?

and then, it hits you: did he plan this?

you hate itoshi rin, but you let him hold your hand as you walk through the snow-covered paths. you hate itoshi rin, but you're holding hands and wearing his glove, alone together as you wait for your bus.

you hate itoshi rin and he hates you, but he shifts closer to you and you feel the fight leaving your body.

you bite your lip before you speak, hesitantly addressing the situation: "you're holding my hand."

as soon as the words leave your mouth you want to hit yourself. rin raises an eyebrow. "yeah."

"why?"

you see how rin's face flushes pink in the night and how his ears are practically emitting smoke. he doesn't reply, but you feel his grip loosening in yours- you tighten your hold. he doesn't pull away.

"i thought you hated me."

at this, rin blanches. "what?"

you shrug. "yeah."

he blinks at you, and then he looks away. "no."

"you don't hate me?"

"no."

you purse your lips. "you suck at talking to people."

he glares at you. "i don't hate you."

the eye contact makes you shiver. "then why are you... like that?"

"like what?"

"you're... like, mean."

at this, your companion looks away. embarrassment colours his features and you're upset because he looks cute. "i don't mean to be."

"oh?"

it's silent for a beat until he continues. "you're just.. i dunno."

a sly smile crosses your face as you try to ease the tension. "what, don't tell me i make you nervous, rin!"

but he doesn't reply, opting to stare straight into the distance. oh.

oh.

"you don't hate me," you say slowly, like you're contemplating it, before grinning. "wonderful. i was getting sick of disliking you back."

he's still holding your hand, and you give it a squeeze. rin's eyes widen and you could almost laugh at how out of character all this was.

"cool."

"yep. awesome."

a bright light appears, and your bus is here. the both of you stand, neither willing to disconnect your hands. you eventually pull out of his grasp, and he looks a bit like a lost dog.

with a short laugh, you plant your hands on his jaw and place a short, sweet kiss on the apple of his cheek, leaving him redder than he was to begin with.

he opens his mouth for a few seconds before finally finding his words as you step towards the open bus doors. "text me when you're home?"

"yeah. yeah, i will. goodnight, rin."

"goodnight", he says back, but you're already gone. the bus drives away and he is left reeling, head spinning, heart roaring, absolutely, positively infatuated.

it's not until the cold night winds strike his bare hand does rin realize- you still have his glove.