— ੈ✩ DISTRACTIONS !

guys. update i had my brace adjustment and i got color purple my bracket is now okay (yeah, i had to pay an extra 300 pesos 😣😣)

i ate too much candies now my bracket is on the verge of falling off

oh. oh.

how do you write a love letter, keito hasumi

how do you write a love letter? to a place, a time, to you? the whole world stops to listen to a love that sings for itself.

how do you write a love letter? an intangible bittersweetness, the art of language, with each and every word planned and thoroughly reviewed— keito couldn't still put his finger on it. how do you write a love letter? to a place, to a person?

how do you write a love letter? an exquisite longing that held sadness within each letter, and each goodbyes. but another crumpled paper hits the floor— the inked pen hesitates to touch the fresh paper before it. it trembles; with the first motion, he spells your name:

To my dearest,

Often when I imagine you, a love exists inside me. It frightens me. It's as if you were a ghost returning to it's haunt.

how do you write a love letter? handwritten claims of love, desperate to convey the desire that filled his body as much as blood— his hands started writing on it's own. of course those hands are his, but who owns these words writing itself if not love?

I'm afraid of the love I have for you. Because I am certain that it will ruin me. And I know that I will let it.

I love you, love you, love you, endlessly— Until the sea reaches the moon, and the flowers reach the sun.

how do you write a love letter? the heart pumps the love from it to the tips of his fingers— with love passing through him, keito wrote his fears, and his confessions. his love had held it's breath to this very moment.

I have longed for you, in my heart, never forgetting a day where I didn't.

But I am afraid that I might spend eternity trying not to need you.

the letter stops—

his fingers tremble; as if he wasn't certain. as if this wasn't a promise.

from your friend, Keito.

✦ — 18. CLOSURE

dream flashbacks have always irritated you. because waking up after having one typically leaves you with the same exact feeling of pain as when you initially had it. the pain you felt when he chose to let go, in this circumstance.

heaving as you sit upright with dried tears staining your cheeks, you wake up in your all too familiar bedroom, alone.

then, the hangover kicks in.

"ah!" you hunch over and hold your forehead in pain. you feel nauseated, but it's bearable.

you spend the next few minutes whimpering to yourself as you feel your head spin inside your skull.

you don't hear the bedroom door open or the footsteps approaching.

"drink this." slim hands place a tray of water and some meds on the bedside table.

your head snaps up almost immediately after hearing the voice. this causes your head to throb more.

a sigh. "take it easy."

while trying to recover from the pain, you speak meekly, "ano ginagawa mo rito?"

he took a while to respond, "i drove you home after the party," he says. "and before you start jumping to conclusions, walang nangyari," he adds quickly.

ah, right. nag-inuman nga pala kagabi.

you hide a scoff. you hate how well he still knows you after all this time.

bits and pieces of last night come back to you. the disco lights, music, dance floor, kazuha's stunt, the confrontation, passing out... after that, you have no recollection of anything.

"that doesn't answer my question. bakit ka nandito?" in front of me, is what you implied.

as he looks at you, he has an indescribable expression on his face.

“drink first," he says, gesturing towards the tray.

as much as it infuriates you that he's bossing you around in your own house, you really need to do something about the headache, so you silently take the medicine.

as you drink down the water, several things go through your mind. your pulse beats quicker as you consider all the things he may say in the next few minutes. it’s most likely the one thing you’ve been asking him for the past year.

placing the tray back on the bedside table, you take a deep breath and look him in the eye. he's been observing you carefully ever since he entered the room.

"feel better?" he asks.

"get to the point, de vera," you command.

"right." he sucks in a breath, as if nervous, but it doesn't show on his face. "an explanation," he mutters.

you let out a humorless laugh, waiting for him to say anything. you try your hardest to make it seem like you're uninterested in what he has to say, making a show of not caring anymore, but you know deep inside that it's all in vain. you do care, and it shows.

he looks at you straight in the eye, serious and determined. he takes his time thinking of the proper words to say and where to start. you keep your silence the whole time.

"last year," he begins. "my sister was diagnosed with a severe vascular condition that needed operation. a high risk one," he reveals.

audibly gasping at this revelation, you reflexively inch closer to him in surprise.

“ano? si ate ei? bakit wala akong narinig tungkol dito? walang sinabi si miko?" you search his eyes for signs of lying or mirth, but you see none.

he sighs, "it was something we agreed not to disclose to anyone except close family."

ah. that hurts. “eh si jax?”

kuni nods silently, guilt flashing in his eyes.

he told jax but not you.

"seems like people love to keep things from me," you dryly state.

"don't be mad at them. ako nagpilit sa kanila na itago sa'yo."

"bakit?"

"...we'll get to that," he says.

"kamusta na si ate?" his sister was usually busy, so you weren't as close to ei as you are to miko, but she accepted you warmly when he introduced you to her and has even offered assistance in the past. you genuinely regret not being there to support her when she needed it.

"there were some complications during the surgery, pero okay na siya ngayon. she fully healed and is back to work," he explains.

you sigh in relief, "that's good." he hums in agreement.

with the initial worry and surprise gone, questions flood your head. "ano kinalaman ng lahat na 'to sa ginawa mo?"

so his sister got sick and decided that you weren’t a priority anymore and discarded you with no explanation whatsoever?

"you know our situation, don't you? we have no parents, si ate lang nagtratrabaho para sa'ming dalawa. then, she suddenly got sick."

"and?”

kuni swipes his hair back and lets out a breath, "we struggled financially trying to pay the hospital bills, along with other expenses. tumulong si ate miko, pero kulang. i had to catch all the responsibility and took on multiple jobs."

late replies, missed calls, cancelled plans, stood up dates— "that's why i saw you less."

"that's why you saw me less," he repeats regretfully.

it still doesn't make sense to you. "why would you keep something like that from me?" you could've supported him. you would've supported him.

you'd have understood where he came from.

did he not trust you?

"i..." kuni falls silent. hesitant. he had an honest reason for everything that had transpired then. but he's done. he no longer has a clear justification for doing those things and leaving you hanging. it was all due of his cowardice.

"i didn't want you to see me in such a state," he admits.

you suck in a breath, feeling your eyes burn. "that’s stupid. that doesn't make sense."

"i know," he agrees. "i know, [name]. pero alam kong 'pag nakita mo akong ganon, gagawin mo ring problema 'yon—"

"of course i would’ve! nag-iisip ka ba? kuni, i loved you. sino ba'ng 'di tutulong 'pag nakikita mong naghihirap yung taong mahal mo?" you reason out. tears start to well up in your eyes.

"i didn't want you to get caught up in my problems. you already had many of your own then, [name]."

bullshit.

"yet you added to it? even with your reason, you still could've told me!” you throw your arms up in frustration. “at least i would've understood what happened. hindi yung ako lang naiiwan na walang alam! was i not that important to you?" you sniff, aggressively, wiping your tears away.

kuni gently holds your arm to prevent you from hurting yourself. "that's not it. you are important. hindi ko alam anong iniisip ko noon."

are.

you scoff.

"that's why i'm sorry, [name]," he apologizes. he keeps your hand in place and draws circles on it with his thumb. "my reasons are stupid, i know. i had multiple opportunities to tell you the truth pero naduwag ako. in every single one."

silent tears continue to stream down your face. you scold yourself internally for letting down your guard in front of him.

you stay quiet.

"it's not that easy to forgive, i know that more than anyone. and i don't expect you to," he admits. "but i want to make it up to you, even if you don't want me to."

you stare at your bed sheets, silently contemplating on his words. if there's one word to describe your current state of mind, it's confused. it takes you a moment to respond.

"hindi ko pa alam kung ano ba dapat isipin ko." you sniff and glare at him through tearful eyes. "right now, i just don't want to see your face."

"…understood," kuni nods. he lets go of your hand and stands up from his seat. before he starts walking out of the door, he turns to you, pursing his lips. "may pagkain sa hapag. eat it before it gets cold, alright?"

he doesn't wait for your answer and exits out of the bedroom door. leaving you all alone, still clutching your healing heart.

you got the explanation that you wanted, the closure that was way overdue.

but why is it that it only made you yearn for him more?

✦ MAYBE, MAYBE — PREV / MASTERLIST / NEXT

A break up with no proper closure. So many words left unsaid. He did you so wrong, but you can’t bring yourself to hate him. One year na, siya pa rin. Maybe it’s time to move on?

NOTE long time no update haha i apologize we were bombarded with tasks for the past two weeks, kahit ngayon nga T--T i got stuck with this chapter lang coz it's a written one and i didn't have time to finish it. i hate that this chapter’s quality is a little bit ehh since it’s rushed but it’ll do. i’m burnt out rn so it’s gonna take me a while to recover. since the next few chaps are gonna be socmed lang, hopefully updates will be more frequent 🤞

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© skaramush do not repost, translate, or plagiarize any of my works on any platform.

likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

OO6 : mall encounters

FILID・✦ prev : m.list : next

SYPNOSIS : [Name] doesn’t trust her dating choices… she’s gotten involved with several losers in a row, and she swore that she's taking a break from love. Oh shoot! Tartaglia jumps into the frame and publicly proclaims that he has a huge crush on the theater arts major! Can Childe change her mind or will [Name] forever be stuck in her "men are all idiots." phase?

NOTES : next chapter is gonna be written 🫡

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stop looking at me with those eyes. hsr

— honkai star rail men being smitten with you ( or simply staring at you with their pretty eyes. )

ft. jing yuan, blade and gepard landau.

longer drabble than intended. pining for jing yuan’s. mild yandere tendencies on blade’s part. angst with comfort for gepard’s. fluff w/ mild angst content. gn! reader. 1.5k wc

𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐔𝐀𝐍 — he looks at you with so much pining and admiration.

You shouldn’t have indulged him, you sigh at the perpetual thought. Your brows furrowed in utter concentration as you assessed the chess board in front of you, glaring at it like it was your mortal enemy who had caused you years of strife. From the usual routinely yet peaceful day in the Luofu turned into you being coaxed yet again by the infamous General to play a game of mind chess with him. This isn’t new, you being alone with him isn’t new. You’d grown accustomed to Jing Yuan inviting you to be his playmate whenever he felt like slacking off from work, and who are you to refuse your superior’s direct orders?

The dawn in the courtyard careens between the corners of the table in soft honey glow, the temperature lukewarm and birds crooning beside the lethargic general but you don’t let their sweet tune disrupt you.

“What are you going to do?” You hear the General muse, perhaps to probe you from your concentration, you dare not lift your head to answer him. You only turned back up once you’ve found a safe and calculated step for one of your pieces to go, that was the time you’ve also realized that General Jing Yuan isn’t even focused on the game before him.

Instead he had his eyes fixated on you.

He had his elbow propped on his knee, cheek on his palm, watching you agonize over the game, hiding the quirk on his lips. Cute, he thought, looking at you mull over the game made his heart flutter hither thither. Then the corners of his eye crinkle in amusement when he sees your eyes on him, finally noticing.

“What is it?” He dares to ask you, like he wasn't just openly admiring you.

“Uhm, it’s your turn now, General Jing Yuan.” Your soft response mustered him to finally look at the board.

“Hm, so it seems.”

“Would you like us to continue playing? You don’t seem interested.” You take note of his slack shoulders and heavy lidded eyes. Usually when you play together he would have his calculating gaze on the board at all times, but he looked a little too distracted to play as of now.

“You’re right, apologies, something else has caught my undivided attention.”

“And what’s that?”

“You, of course. You’re rather ravishing today.”

Jing Yuan’s eyes are two amber orbits so golden on you. You haven’t noticed it until now, the way he looks at you, so intense and full of amusing sincerity. The sunlight only intensifies his bright pupils that carry not only the sun itself but the entire lights of Luofu. You cannot contain the blush on your cheeks, you turn away from him, obviously baffled. “Would you focus on the game, General?”

His deep chuckle reverberates the peaceful courtyard. “I believe I’ve found something much more worthy of my time as of the moment.”

“I implore you to stop teasing me like this.”

𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐄 — he’d do anything for you to look at him.

“Elio had already foreseen most of your missions and yet here you are, coming to me all injured and rugged. So careless.”

“Watch what you say to me.” You merely huff at Blade’s soft sneer of a threat. You wouldn’t have let this bothered you if it only happened once or twice but the swordsman’s been coming back to you injured for the sixth time with the same roaring wounds and your patience is thinning.

Blade’s top uniform is thrown somewhere on the couch, your hands webbed with bandage dressing as you focus your attention on the purplish bruise on his chest, the wound is vivid, besmirching burgundy across his chafe skin. You leaned forward and threw a piece of his raven hair over his shoulder and muttered out another annoying retort. Maybe your anger not only stems from having to tidy him up, but also from worry. Truth be told, you hated seeing Blade injured, though that is something you won’t admit aloud to him.

“The next time you come to me like this I’ll—“

You lift your eyes and immediately meet his red ones. Blade is leaned back on the couch, staring at you tantalizingly beneath raven bangs, he tilts his head lazily, hiding his underlining smile. It shouldn’t have done anything to you, but the way he looked at you beneath his lashes made a certain chill crawl down your spine and to the tip of your toes.

“Why’d you stop, hm?”

You hated it, hated this. Hated how your chest jumps a beat at his tone, this is dangerous. You had the thought of turning around and leaving him but he captures your wrist, placing your palm flatly on his chest, his skin dances with warmth and coldness but one thing you’ve taken into detail was his racing heart. Don’t tell me..

“Blade, did you get hurt on purpose?”

The smirk on his face finally reveals itself. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Unhand me this instant, you bastard.” Despite your hiss, you cannot tear your gaze away from his, something about Blade is addictive, a guttural need churns in your gut the more your gaze stays locked on his. He reaches out and unexpectedly wraps the bandage around your waist, pulling you back to him and to stand between his parted legs. No matter how much you’ve stuttered in surprise you cannot pull away, not from him and he knew the effect he had on you and your restless heart, bringing your hand up to his lips as he kissed each finger so tenderly.

“Maybe I wouldn’t have resorted to this tactic if you’ve visited me often.”

𝐆𝐄𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐃 — he looks at you like you are his whole world on the verge of crumbling.

Hide and seek was your forte back then. You and Lynx would always come out triumphant as compared to Gepard and Serval, but that doesn’t stop the boy from always seeking you out, you cannot pinpoint whether it was due to his stubbornness at your constant taunts or because he felt as if he needs to look for you no matter what. Found you. Looks like you found me again. It was always this sweet little moment between the two of you, with Gepard perking up when he had sought you and you smiling up at him with a proud grin, pleased with his victory.

Even at this very moment, with you wrapped in a bundle in his blue uniform cape on the verge of reaching frostbite; shivering and skin cold from the harsh and unmerciful winter beyond Belobog’s walls—Gepard’s found you, at the very last minute. This time he fails to understand why you had ventured out of Belobog despite the dangers, maybe you were in search of something, maybe a research breakthrough or something superficial, the Captain doesn’t care.

He was furious, heartbroken and frightened. You could’ve been killed out here if Serval didn’t approach him in the middle of training, concerned about your whereabouts. He had to drop everything and storm out of the city gates to search for you, as reckless as that seemed.

“Gepard..?” He stiffens when he hears your shivering mutter. He looks down and sees you awake, relief washes through his soul. You two had faltered just at the outskirts of the city, the warmth barely licking both your figures.

“You-“ he sucked in a breath, his heart continued to pitter patter in his chest like an endless, raging storm. “What were you thinking, who told you it was a smart idea to go out there!”

“There’s..there’s a plant only found in the blizzard, Lynx told me about it and I thought that you would like them.” his eyes widened at your confession, confliction sullies his mind. You went out to look for a plant, for him? He gazes down at you who in return, refused to look him in the eye, hiding your face on his chest plate in bashful shame.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t find the flower, not only that but I also got lost and almost—“

“Look at me.” He starts, his voice hardened with hurt, confliction, a long craving to shield you from the harsh world if he had the chance to. “Look, I care not about that flower, and a simple sorry won’t cut it this time, you could’ve died if i didn’t find—“ his voice cracks, he composes himself, inhales the cold wind in his lungs. Then, fury turns into melancholy. When he looks down at you in his arms, his eyes are two pairs of winter blue sky swimming with unshed tears, they glow like crystalline blue gems. He gathers you closer to his chest, his lips pressed against the top of your head, as if he’s scared you would shrivel in his hold.

“You could’ve died, and I would've lost you. What would I do then?”

“Sorry, I’m so sorry Geppie. Not again, i promise. You found me didn’t you? you found me just like always, thank you so much.”

You consoled his quiet sobs and equally trembling form. Sometimes, you tend to forget that beneath the cold armor was a sentimental little boy with the most sincere ocean eyes you’ve ever seen.

reblog to fucking bite the person you reblog from

"I can fix him" not in a "I can make him into a better person" way but in a "if he was my character I would've handled his story better" way

reblog if you wear glasses. too many mutuals don't know they have glasses wearers in their midsts

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓-𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐎𝐗

pairing. itoshi rin x gn!reader

summary. it's valentine's day and you're determined to tell rin about your feelings for him. however, that proves to be a little difficult after watching him reject everyone who beats you to it.

content warnings. 3.5k wc, college au, fluff, thoughts of unrequited feelings.

this is an unusual level of antsy. your leg doesn't usually bounce up and down so restlessly as you wait for your bus. you don't usually nervously nibble away at your nails. and your eyes don't usually dart over your shoulder in search of a certain someone. how silly, you think as you center your gaze ahead and tuck your hands under your thighs to resist ruining your nails any further. you're a jittery mess and all because it's valentine's day.

normally, that fact wouldn't mean much to you. in past years, you'd either let the day pass like any other or spend it with your partner if you had one at the time. but things in your life are different than they've been every other time the holiday came around—one of those things being a person. someone who isn't your boyfriend but you've started seeing as more than a friend. someone who, despite putting in no effort whatsoever, is wildly popular with everyone, especially the ladies, on your campus. someone whose name is itoshi rin.

every other day of the year, all three hundred and sixty-four of them, you're more than able to bury your feelings—ignore the crush and live life as though you aren't slowly falling for one of your closest friends. but you have a feeling doing that much will be difficult today.

after all, who would want to spend the day watching the guy they like get confessed to for hours on end?

you really have no right to be jealous—not when you still haven't found the courage to confess to him yourself. but the mere thought of idly standing by and watching these girls do something you can't has been making you feel a bit nauseous all morning. it's not as petty as it sounds, you're just not sure how confident you are in your abilities to keep your feelings hidden given the circumstances. the thought of slipping up and accidentally coming clean about your crush just to be thrown into the pile of everyone else he's rejected is a sickening one. you're just hoping that he doesn't see through you, that your mask can stay on long enough to keep him in the dark—at least until you're ready to tell him on your own terms.

your eyebrows furrow as you think about how long this day is going to be.

"hey." a voice from above you cuts through the air and pulls you out of your head. it's his voice.

"oh!" your shoulders jerk up in surprise as you turn to face the man. he's standing a foot away from you, hands stuffed in his pockets, strands of dark hair blown out of place by the wind. teal irises framed by thick lashes meet your gaze with an unwavering stare. you clear your throat and paint on a smile. "good morning, rin."

he hums, eyes dropping from your face to your leg that has yet to stop bouncing. "you okay?"

you frown in silent confusion at his question. he can read you perfectly and points to your leg to clarify.

you follow the path of his finger to the only physical sign of your jitters. you bite your cheek and consciously hold your foot against the sidewalk. so much for trying to hide your nerves. you spit out the first excuse that comes to mind. "i'm fine. just a little chilly, i guess."

"here." rin pulls his hand out of his pocket and holds out his arm, offering you the jacket hanging from it. it's the one he brings to class every day, one that everyone would recognize as his. that fact makes you hesitate taking it—people would get the wrong idea.

but, maybe that would deter those girls from approaching him...

you shake the selfish thought from your head. since when did you get so possessive—and over a man who isn't yours, at that? you're almost tempted to turn him down just to prove to yourself that you aren't some crazy jealous person, but you know that rin won't let you walk away without it. you stand up and take the zip up from him. "thank you."

setting your backpack in the seat you'd just abandoned, you shrug the sleeves over your shoulders. you were just trying to distract him when you said you were cold, but you'd be lying if you said being wrapped in his jacket didn't warm you up.

downplaying your feelings today is going to be easier said than done.

the nerves hit again when the two of you arrive on campus. there's a palpable aura surrounding the campus, one of hope and love and everything that embodies the holiday. if it were visible, the air around you would be tinted pink and red.

your uneasiness is only amplified when you catch sight of her—the girl approaching you, no, rin, with a box held carefully in her hands. there's a nervous skip in your heartbeat as you turn your eyes to the ground in an attempt to avoid the awkwardness. you focus on the footsteps and chatter of passersby to drown out the conversation taking place beside you, but you're still able to pick out some of the words; rin's gentle but firm rejection and the girl's disappointed and defeated goodbye.

you weren't rooting for her, but watching her walk away with her head hung makes you feel bad. that could just as easily have been you.

"forgot it was valentine's day," rin mumbles to himself. the day has never meant much to him in the past and in the interest of not leading anyone on, he's always declined the chocolates presented to him. most people don't think of him as the type to care about the feelings of others, but giving someone false hope is cruel. there's no reason this year should be any different.

he runs a hand through his windswept hair, though the strands just fall back onto his forehead. he turns to his right where you're standing, your fingers clumsily toying with the straps of your backpack, what he thinks is a pitiful smile tugging at your lips. "what?" he asks.

"i don't know." you shrug. "i guess i just feel sorry for her. no one wants to get turned down by the guy they like."

"yeah, well, there's no guarantee they'll feel the same way," rin counters, nodding his head in the direction of your class building. you're sure they aren't directed at you, but the words sting—enough to cement your feet to the ground as rin starts on the way to your first shared class. it takes you a moment to will yourself to move, to fall into step beside him. the statement is a little harsh, but he's right. you know he is because it's the exact reason you're so reluctant to tell him about your feelings.

what if he doesn't feel the same?

"hey." you turn to him with wide eyes. did he catch on? you're almost sure he's going to question you about your strange behavior when he speaks up but, thankfully, he doesn't. "if anyone asks you to play messenger, just tell them i'm not interested."

you're tempted to laugh at that. no girl is going to see you turning them away on rin's behalf as anything less than sabotage. despite your skepticism that any of those potential encounters will bode over well, you nod. "got it."

the next proclamation of love isn't as direct; when the two of you make it to your first class of the day, there's a box sitting on the table you and rin regularly sit at. the envelope stuck under the ribbon tied in a neat bow has his name written across the front. you take a seat and silently wonder what he'll do. it's not like he can turn them down like this.

you're proven wrong when rin picks up the box and walks it to the front of the room, dropping it in the trash can. the action stirs up murmurs of disbelief as rin makes his way back to your table. you keep your eyes down in hopes of not seeing the face of the girl whose heart just shattered.

you think about each unfavorable interaction as you aimlessly wander the expanse of the courtyard. the fresh air was supposed to keep you from dwelling on things but your mind isn't so keen on giving you a break. it has to be because you went into today determined to do the same. every rejection you witness makes you reconsider your decision but you know you have to tell him today. if you don't, you're not sure you'll ever tell rin how you feel.

a sigh that resembles more of a pained groan pushes past your lips as you run a hand over your hair. maybe you should have skipped class today. you'd still be a nervous mess when you finally presented rin with the dumb little heart-shaped box you bought, but at least you wouldn't be replaying the worst-case scenario in your head as you did so.

you squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head. time travel isn't possible and you can't change the past. the only thing you can do now is charge forward.

when you open your eyes, there's someone walking towards you. a girl. unsurprisingly, she's got a box in her hands. you bite the inside of your cheek. you were really hoping you wouldn't have to deal with this.

the girl stops a few steps in front of you. despite the boldness in her approach, one that told you she recognized you, she still asks, "you're friends with rin, right?"

"uh, yeah."

"could you give these to him for me?" she asks. you remember rin's words and are a second from repeating them when the girl all but shoves the box into your hands, turning on her heel and rushing back the way she came.

mouth agape and hands heavy, you watch as she leaves. her figure is out of sight when you force your gaze down to the box. you bet its contents are just like those of the ones you put in your fridge last night. what are you supposed to do? throw them away as carelessly as rin had earlier?

"hey there." a voice sounds from behind you. you look over your shoulder to see who's addressing you and you're met with a matching set of cyan hair and eyes—hiori.

"ooh, chocolates." he points to the box in your hands as he comes to stand in front of you. "confessing to someone? rin maybe?"

"what? how did you-" you stop yourself from finishing that question. there's no way he could know. you haven't spoken a word to him about your feelings for rin. he's just assuming, nothing more. "no! what makes you think that?"

he shrugs, eyebrows raised at your adamant denial. "you haven't told me about any other guys in your life. so it's either rin or... oh my god. are you planning on confessing to me?"

"real funny." you gently nudge his ribs with your elbow but you can't fight the smile making its way onto your face. hiori breathes out a laugh and lightheartedly pats the top of your head. he has no idea how much you appreciate the much-needed, albeit short distraction.

hiori's eyes look past you. "hey rin."

you turn at the mention of his name to find him standing not far behind you. you offer him a smile but he doesn't return it. instead, his gaze falls to the box in your hands before they drag up to hiori and finally turn to you.

"are you ready to go?" he asks.

"yeah," you draw out the vowel, surprised at rin's unusual coldness toward hiori. you turn to the latter to say goodbye. "see you tomorrow."

hiori sends you off with a wave. the blue-haired boy watches your retreating figures with a playful shake of his head. he clicks his tongue as he starts on his way to his next class. "idiots."

"didn't know you liked hiori," rin speaks up from beside you, his eyes never straying from their focus forward. he's not sure why it took him the entire walk to the bus stop to broach the subject. maybe the strained silence was finally getting to him.

"i don't," you tell him. is that why he was so short with hiori? he's one of the few people rin gets along with. to see him practically ignore him was strange, to say the least.

"actually, these were meant for you." you hold the box up in the space between the two of you. "she handed them to me before i could say anything."

rin takes the box from your hold and slips it through the slot of the nearby garbage can. hearing the chocolates hit the rest of the trash almost makes you flinch. you uncomfortably laugh before asking, "do you really have to throw them away? isn't that a little harsh?"

"what else am i supposed to do with them?" accepting them in any way is an acknowledgment of their feelings and regifting them is out of the question. he wants to ask why you care so much but he already has an idea. you've always been more sympathetic than him. "i told you, i can't help that i don't feel the same."

rin's right. he has as little control over his feelings as you do over yours. you can't expect him to reciprocate, not the feelings of those girls and not yours. it's a hard truth to accept but one you'll have to if you plan on going through tonight. the sooner you do, the easier it'll be.

"i get it," you breathe out and nod, more to convince yourself than anything. you're sure rin won't press the matter, but the arrival of the bus fills you with relief.

you spend the ride watching the passing scenery and steeling yourself for the evening to come.

there's a shared path you walk with rin until you branch off and go your separate ways. you usually wish him farewell there but today, rin lingers. you raise your eyebrows in a silent gesture that questions his change in routine. he answers your unspoken question with one of his own. "are you still coming over later?"

is the universe mocking you? the moment you've strengthened your resolve, it's giving you a way out. a few hours ago you would have contemplated taking it but since then, you've come to terms with the fact that this isn't a situation you can control the outcome of. it may not end the way you want it to, but you don't want to hide your feelings forever. so you smile and shoot him a thumbs up. "yeah. yeah, i'll see you in a bit."

your phone loudly buzzes against the table, a text notification lighting up the screen. it's a check-in from rin; you're late. you pick the device up and type out a quick reply letting him know that you're on your way before shoving the phone in your pocket. your eyes turn to the spot beside the space your phone had occupied, the one where your box of homemade chocolates sits atop rin's folded jacket.

you slap your hands against your cheeks, rubbing the skin up and down as you breathe out a deep breath. "you got this," you remind yourself as you gather the items against your chest and start your walk to rin's apartment.

your fist feels heavy as it knocks against his unit's door. it doesn't take long before it swings open, revealing rin on the other side. the outfit he had worn to campus is traded in for something comfier—sweatpants and a t-shirt. he steps aside to let you in and you enter, kicking your shoes off and sliding into a pair of slippers he leaves out for guests.

you follow rin to the couch and take a seat beside him, making sure to leave a good amount of space between you. his thumb presses down on the arrow keys of the remote as he navigates the streaming service's selection of films. "any requests?"

"no," you shake your head, "whatever you want is fine."

he hums and continues scrolling through the movies falling under the horror genre. your leg is bouncing again, just like this morning. you can't wait any longer.

"thanks for letting me borrow this." you set his hoodie on the cushion of the couch, the empty portion between you and him. your voice and the movement he catches out of the corner of his eye lead rin to pause his search, to turn and face you.

you feel small under his gaze but will yourself to place the box on top of the folded fabric. "and these... are for you, too."

teal irises scrutinize the box. your heartbeat is loud in your ears, the only thing you can hear in the silent room. rin's lack of a reaction has the palms of your hands sweating.

"they're from me if you're wondering why i didn't toss them out," you attempt to joke, but you don't laugh. and neither does rin.

he picks up the box and you swear your heart lurches up into your throat with the action. your mind is a mess of thoughts ricocheting off the surface of your skull. why is he so quiet? is he trying to figure out how to let you down easy? no—he's got to be thinking about how you crossed the line. there's no way the two of you can go back to normal after this. this was a bad, bad idea— "i thought you were mad because i was turning all those girls down."

you don't understand what his words mean but the simple sound of his voice draws you back to reality, pulls you out of your head and away from those thoughts. when you look at rin, his eyes are already on you.

"what?" you croak out.

"i thought you were cheering them on or hoping that i'd end up accepting one of them," rin admits. "that's why i kept saying i couldn't change how i feel."

he sees it now. those questions and your looks of pity—sure, you probably did feel bad for them but really, you were putting yourself in their shoes. "you thought i'd turn you down, too?"

"i don't know." you cross your arms to shield yourself from his possible reply to your question of, "are you going to?"

"i told you i wasn't interested in them," he repeats himself for what feels like the umpteenth time. though, the next part is new, something he has to turn his gaze down to get out. "i never said anything about not being interested in you."

his statement is vague and while you think you know what he’s trying to convey, you have to be sure. the weight won’t be lifted off of your shoulders until you know. swallowing thickly, you ask, "is that your way of saying you're interested in me?"

rin looks back up at you as if it’s obvious. "why else would i have rejected all those girls?"

"you not liking them isn’t really enough evidence for me to have made that connection, rin." you slap his shoulder for putting you through unnecessary mental gymnastics. “just say you like me.”

“aren’t you supposed to be the one saying that to me?” he asks, shaking the heart-shaped box in the air as though you had forgotten.

“hey! be careful with those, they took all night to make.” it’s a little embarrassing to admit, but you think you’re past the point of caring. “and i wouldn’t do that for someone i didn’t like.”

you scan his features for any signs of discomfort but everything about his countenance is normal—all but the flush of pink creeping up on his cheeks. you don’t think you’ve ever seen him blush before this moment. the sight makes you giddy but, more than anything, you feel like you can breathe normally for the first time today.

“well,” he looks down to avoid your gaze, carefully taking the lid off of the box, “i wouldn’t accept chocolates from someone i didn’t like either.”

the smile that graces your lips at his declaration is one of pure joy. you’d spent so much time analyzing and assessing the negatives all day that you didn’t even allow yourself to imagine how it would feel if rin felt the same. it's almost like a dream.

it's silly, you know, but you can't help but reach out and poke the flesh of his cheek with your index finger.

blue-green eyes flit up from the piece of candy held between his lithe fingers to meet yours. "what was that for?"

you grin. "just making sure this is all real."

thanks for reading! comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

★彡 College roommates with Natsume

a/n : this is just a self indulgent set of headcanons that I had on my mind during the exams and this idea has been sitting in my mind for a while now

Natsume is a really interesting roommate to say the least! When you first met him, he was quite welcoming but the moment you came back into the apartment with your luggage, he was already back in his room...

What really prompted the interaction between the two of you? In the first week of you moving in, there was a blackout in the whole apartment. Of course out of concern, he went to check what happened and if you're alright! thank goodness you weren't hurt, but he lit up candles and the two of you talked throughout the night.

He helps you with the classwork or assignments that you have complete, if you take the same classes of course! His notes are really detailed and he can explain concepts really well, don't you think?

he can definitely cook, no questions asked. If it's within his ability, he's always willing to make it for you! Or you two may go to the cafe down the street, anything works with him really!

game night in your apartment is a really important thing for him. Sometimes, Sora or Tsumugi comes along and also plays, their always happy to play with the two of you! However, be careful... Natsume sure isn't a stranger to many games and he can be really ruthless.

You have to remind him to take breaks and rest every once in a while too. At 3 a.m, a light can still be seen coming from his room. Natsume is really dedicated to what interests him and this can cause him to forget about his own wellbeing!

When college life gets too heavy or difficult, he is always ready to be the shoulder that you can cry on or the person who will listen to all your problems. Even if you don't want advice or comments, you just want someone to listen to you, he's always there!

He definitely does not want you to worry for him so you have to make sure to catch on the signs that the stress is getting to him and help him ease the tension, he really does appreciate it!

Perhaps this seemingly cute college roommate relation ship will bloom into something more?