***Note: Guys…I literally have no idea why I went this hard with this chapter, it’s 8K+ and not even that integral to the plot, but every time I wanted to cut something I simply couldn’t. I’m posting this so quick and then going to bed. 🙈 As always, comments are welcomed and encouraged!
Waiting for the apes to tie up their horses was the longest couple of minutes of your life. You practically launched yourself up the steps two at a time. They had to run to keep up with you as you pushed through the double doors, feet echoing off the tile floor. This place was massive! You searched for some indication of where to go, spinning in a circle as you took it all in. The ivy and growing trees did nothing to diminish the beauty of the architecture, the dome above you holding a replica globe of the Earth taking the breath from your lungs. While the power no longer worked, the tile mural surrounding it still held an ancient grace to it as well. What must it have been like to see it bright and new?
Most of the color had faded, but the blue was still prevalent, reminding you of the night sky before the last sliver of light disappeared and turned it black. The rich sea color faded into the white stone of the building, and squinting, you could almost make out the sculptures carved into the walls. Probably Greek inspired…or maybe something else more ancient. It was all too faded to tell.
A noise behind you drew your attention from the ceiling, to your companions. Soona had dropped her sling, her expression matching Anaya and Noa’s as they took in the same grandeur that you had. You let them have that moment, padding over to what you imagined was the main desk. You shifted through decaying papers and old technology that no longer worked, looking for some sort of directory or map.
“Noa…reminds me of…light tunnel,” you heard Soona say. “Echos…made this too?”
You heard Noa grunt, taking a few steps before addressing you, “What is…this…Library?”
You didn’t look up, responding as you shuffled more things about, “It holds the mind and memory of humanity in it. Everything humans know about love, nature, science, math, religion, language, and history is in this building.”
You thought for a moment you had found it, a piece of color coated laminated paper within a folder, but it only showed where emergency exits were in case of a fire. Anaya took that time to chime in, “ Only know…three of those words.”
“That is why we are here.” Noa said, “Caesar understood…human things that…we do not…how do we learn?”
You figured that last bit was directed at you, explaining, “It’s written down in all the books here, thousands of years of information. Everything that is and ever was…excluding the fall of humanity of course. It’s not like we need that though, we already know how that happened.”
“We do?” Noa asked.
You stopped then, “You know who Caesar is, so you know how he was involved with the fall of humanity.”
“In..volved?” Noa looked skeptical.
“Well, yeah. If it wasn’t for…” you trailed off. Your eyes locked on to an old board hanging from an upper level, three giant letters on it that you recognized. Three letters that were exactly what you were looking for. “We can compare notes some other time, come this way.”
Old escalators that no longer worked took you up a level to where a long forgotten map was. You took the hem of your shirt and wiped the dirt and grime from it, barely able to make out the colors, let alone the words. Somehow, eyes straining from the effort, you managed to make out key letters. You knew where you were going after this. All you needed to know now was what Noa, Anaya, and Soona wanted.
You turned to them then, “This is it. What do you want to know? I’ll tell you where it is.”
The three shared a look, remaining so quiet you wondered if taking charge of their Caesar Journey had upset them. Anaya made to sign, but Noa stopped him with a hand over his. He began to sign instead, but they were gestures you didn’t recognize. You hadn’t learned a lot of sign, but you were picking up on certain gestures and had learned enough to usually understand what the apes were talking about. Noa knew this. It was deliberate, Noa silencing Anaya. The thought caused something in your stomach to plummet. Soona’s mouth opened then, as if sensing your sudden mood shift, gaze locking with yours, but a quick glance to Noa’s hands had her mouth shutting again.
You took a step away from the map then, hand still resting on the surface as a sort of tether. The space was needed though, no matter how small, between yourself and the trio. You were cruelly reminded then, that no matter what, at the end of the day, you are not an ape. They are not humans. You trusted them not to hurt you, and they trusted you to a point, but their full trust would probably never be earned. You are not an ape…you are an echo of a bygone era.
An Echo…and how they never let you forget it. You felt your jaw tighten, teeth clenched as you looked back down at the map in front of you. A month…only a month. A drop in the bucket compared to how long you’ve been alive, and look how quickly you forgot what their kind had taken from you. Look how comfortable you had become with them. Look how much you came to care for each of them…and trust them. Was it mutual though? Their continued silence screamed no.
“Symbols…in books?” Anaya asked.
You scrunched your eyebrows, “Do you mean letters?”
Soona leaned forward, head slightly bowed as she confessed, “We are not sure….do not understand human…markings.”
“Wait, Noa you said…” you stopped yourself, frustration pushed to the wayside for now. Playing back the conversation in your head from your first meeting, you thought it was only Noa who couldn’t read, but apes in general could. You assumed since he knew what books were at all, that his village could read. Noa never brought it up again, and after finding out he was the leader of the Eagle Clan, you figured he just didn’t have the time to learn. That wasn’t the case it seemed, as you confirmed, “Apes can’t read at all, can they?”
“No,” Noa admitted, the word sounding as if it was forcibly pulled from his mouth.
One word, but the impact was massive. They were showing you and somewhat teaching you sign, but none of them could read. You brought them into a building of power, but that power only belonged to you in this instance. You thought the balance was always disproportionate between the apes and yourself, and it had been…just not in the way you expected. Guilt threatened to choke you now, as you reevaluated what their silence and secrecy had meant. If you were who you were months ago, you would let them stew in their own ignorance, but as it stood now? You knew better.
You let out a sigh, eyes wandering back to the map for a moment, “I have a feeling we’ll be visiting here often. For now, follow me.”
“Where?” Noa questioned, the three apes not hesitating to follow you as you began to move.
You went around the escalator, seeing across the way that what you needed was laid out in faded colors and deteriorating furniture. “To the only section that’s going to matter for the foreseeable future.”
Knuckles gently nudged your shoulder, so soft you almost didn’t feel it. You turned, it was Anaya, “Symbols…not letters?”
You hesitated, trying to think how best to explain, “Symbols can be both letters and pictures. Pictures are drawings. See a symbol is…anything that has meaning behind it. Think of…that pendant of yours you keep tied around your shoulder sling for Caesar. That’s a symbol.”
“How?” Noa challenged, looking more confused.
“So, it’s basic design is a diamond within a circle.” You began, stopping at a book shelf, drawing said symbol in the dust. Off to the side, a book cover labeled Learning Your ABC’s caught your attention. “Nothing about that particularly resembles anything to do with apes or ape culture, right?”
There were nods all around, Noa adding, “It became a symbol for the order of Caesar.”
“Right!” You smiled, “But someone first had to give it that meaning. Before Caesar, if someone drew that symbol what would it have meant?”
Confused stares followed your question, maybe that was too philosophical for them. Of course, as you thought that, Soona chimed in, “Would mean…nothing without Caesar…just shapes…the shapes meant something…important to him.”
“Exactly,” you picked up the book that had originally caught your attention, opening it up to a random page. L is for Lion stared back at you as you turned the book to show them. “These symbols have meaning, both the letter and the picture. This is the letter L, and this is an animal we called a lion. It starts with the letter L, this is how we taught children to understand it and make the connection.”
Anaya pushed his finger onto the page, moving across it as he asked, “What about the other letters?”
“It takes more than one letter to make up a word…usually anyway. This book is just meant to help children memorize the twenty-six letters and the sounds they make. The pictures will help them remember and associate the sound with the letter and the word.”
Noa seemed to look around then, taking in where they were standing. His brow furrowed, “This is for children…will not learn about…Caesar from this.”
“You’re right.” You countered, “You will learn how to read though, and then you can learn about humanity as Caesar knew it.”
“Noa…” Soona brushed his arm. He turned to her, “This is…better…Caesar could read…so we should…too.”
Anaya, ever easily distracted, wandered over to a table where a few forgotten books covered in dust remained. He called over his shoulder, “Want to learn…know what our Echo knows…seems easy enough…if Echo children can understand…then should be no problem…for clever ape.”
Noa’s jaw rotated, an agitated huff leaving him. Anaya had picked up a book from the table, turning random pages. He looked to Noa then, who was looking at him in what you could only describe as malice. It wasn’t a look you had ever seen on Noa’s face before, and it was aimed at Anaya, which surprised you even more. Anaya hooted, closing his book and pacing back over to the group.
A nerve had been struck, clearly, but you couldn’t tell what it was. Unless, it was the taunt of it being easy in general. As soon as it appeared Noa quickly let it go, relaxing his body with a hum, turning back to you. “You would…be able to…teach us?”
You nodded once, “Yes.”
“Why?” Soona asked, the question seeming to surprise even her once it left her mouth.
It was a good question though. Why did you do half the things you did for these apes? Why did you decide to trust them? Why did you spend your days with them? All questions came back to the same answer, “I care about you, all three of you. Understanding Caesar is important to you, and if learning how to read will help you better understand Caesar, then teaching you is important to me.”
There was a pause, a beat of silence and hesitation, then Soona reached out. Her hand clasped your shoulder. You smiled, stiffening slightly when she pulled your towards her, leaning her head forward and touching it to yours. You weren’t expecting it, still surprised by the gesture in general. The sentiment was there though.
Anaya reached over Noa to nudge Soona then, “Do not touch…Echo Soona…told does not like.”
You laughed, Soona letting out something similar to a groan as she swiveled her head away from you to look at Anaya, “That…was different.”
“Different how?” Anaya demanded, puffing his cheeks.
Noa and I seemed caught in the middle, catching each others eyes before both glancing to Soona, “Because I…am not you…Anaya.”
Anaya opened his mouth comically wide, gasping dramatically before pointing a finger at Soona, “Not fair!”
Soona and Noa both let out loud hoots, Anaya chiming in a moment later with a disgruntled screech or two of his own. Your laugh blended with theirs, tears forming at the corners of your eyes. You couldn’t remember the last time you laughed this much in your life before meeting the trio. Maybe things just seemed funnier when you had others around you to laugh with. You had to gasp in a breath by the end of your laughter. Soona and Anaya were making faces at each other now, but Noa was gazing at you. Staring more like, eyes trained on your mouth, then shifting to your eyes. His, seemed to be holding a question.
You cleared your throat, not giving him time to voice it. “I’m going to look for a few basic books on learning the alphabet. Normally, I would say don’t judge a book by its cover, but in this case, look around. Each of you pick two or three books for us to take back with us, whatever catches your eye.”
Anaya still had that one book in his hand. He clutched it to his chest, going down on three of his limbs to be more level with the shelves. He began to look and scan for a few more. Soona wandered down the rows, picking a book and scanning through its pages before putting it back. You supposed she was making her decision based on the pictures she saw. That was a way to do it.
That’s when you noticed that Noa hadn’t moved. That question still remained in his eyes, and it twisted something in your stomach. You couldn’t face him. You turned, crouching down to scan the shelf you found the Learning Your ABC’s on, hoping to find similar books in the same area. You could feel him at your back, his eyes burning that familiar hole into you. At this point, you would think you would have built up an immunity to it, but with Noa… you were afraid you would always be affected. He shuffled around you then, coming to rest in the peripheral vision of your right side. His back was to Anaya and Soona, his sheer size blocking you from their view and vice versa.
You tried to keep your eyes on the titles, but they were blurring together as you tried not to squirm under his gaze. A long sigh through his nose, then, “I am…sorry.”
That caught you off guard, nearly giving yourself whiplash as you turned to look up at him. “What? Why? What for?”
He crouched then to be level with you, “For not sharing…the truth with you…I did not lie…but I hid it from you…saw what that did to you.”
“What do you mean?” You asked. “You saw what?”
Noa placed a hand on his chest, “Inside…you were…hurt…when I stopped Anaya…signed things you did not understand.”
“You can’t see what I’m feeling on the inside.” You snapped, turning back to the books, refusing to look at him. To hear him confirm what you thought at the time, somehow did not make it better. The fact that he recognized your hurt made his apology almost seem hollow.
“You are…right.” Noa hesitated, “But I can…see it in your eyes…and when you cackle…you said…can also be from relief…tears in your eyes…and relief from hurt…hurt that I caused…from keeping secrets.”
Your jaw clenched as you pulled another book from the shelf, flipping through it to find a few exercises. You hated how even when Noa was wrong, what he said was somehow right. You hated that he could read you so well, as if he’d known you your entire life. You tried not to let your anger spiral, a tinge of bitterness creeping into you voice as you replied, “You are not obligated to tell me anything, Noa. You certainly don’t owe me an apology for telling apes things you think an Echo wouldn’t like or understand.”
“I tell you…now,” He countered. “Told them…that I had mislead you…about ape knowledge…that Caesar Journey could not…happen without you…the truth…you know more than we do…needed you here with us…could not learn…without you.”
You tilted your head at the books in front of you, fighting the urge to turn, “There was a lot more signing than just that.”
“Told them…it was your choice,” Noa continued. “We speak truth…and if you decide not to…help us…that was your choice…but it does not change…us.”
“Us?” You questioned.
Noa said your name then.
The suddenness, and the softness of it almost took you out of your body. He did not often call you by your name, for whatever reason. You couldn’t help it then, even if you wanted to, you felt yourself shift, slowly turning to face Noa. He looked ashamed, mouth downturned and shoulders hunched in more than usual. His eyes, pleading a thousand different things, searched yours. He said it again.
“You…and Soona…and Anaya…and me…us.” The anger in your heart cooled as Noa continued, “Will not change…ever…because you do not want…to do something we ask…not how this…works…you are free…make decisions about…your life…ape not interfere.”
You hadn’t even realized that was a true fear of yours. Deep down, along with never having their full trust, you had to admit that a quiet part of you also whispered things like that. How dangerous it could be for you if you ever refused one of them. Everyone gets along as long as everyone is happy, right? But…a disagreement, an argument, a demand? What would happen then if you said no?
The fact Noa had even thought about that, showed how much he was aware of the dynamics between you and the apes. More so than you, or rather, more willing to think about it in reality instead of pretending it didn’t exist. Something about that touched you. Noa was always being considerate of you, and your feelings. Having him as a friend, was altering not only your life, but your perception on apes. If more were like him…you let the thought die. Noa was Noa, there would never be another ape like him.
“Though it wasn’t the best time to say that,” you started softly. “Thank you, for caring about my feelings, about my freedom. I’m sure that Anaya and Soona appreciated the truth too. I trust that what you’re telling me now is the truth.”
“It is,” Noa replied, a tinge of desperation to his voice.
You smiled then, bringing a tentative hand up to cup his shoulder, “Then don’t worry about it anymore. All is forgiven.”
He huffed in relief, hand coming up to mirror yours, clasping onto your shoulder. His grip, shifting back and forth, rocked you slightly with it, “I am glad.”
You felt a traitorous smile creep up before you let go of him, shrugging his hand off your shoulder as you moved to your feet. You didn’t miss the surprise or slight hurt in his eyes as his hand fell from you. You were still a little too raw for his touch though, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. You had forgiven him, and it was water under the bridge, but in the back of your mind you still wondered when something like this would happen again. You couldn’t blame him now for things that might happen in the future, so space was what you needed now. You needed to ground yourself and refocus on the task at hand.
Noa stood, looking down at you still. You grabbed two more books at the shelf, stacking them and holding them by your side. You tried in some small way to apologize for shying away from his touch, playfully pushing against his arm, “I think I have everything I need for now, go find your books before Anaya and Soona take all of the good ones. I need to make sure no one has two of the same before we leave.”
Noa nodded, grunting, “Will be dusk…by the time we return.”
You shrugged, “Good thing I’m not the one guiding the horse then.”
He chuffed at that, beginning a slow pace away from you, looking as if he wanted to say more but did not. Soona passed him as he walked away, coming over to you with three books in her hands. She laid them down on the shelf in front of you for your inspection, and you smiled down at the familiar titles your mother had read copies of to you as a child.
Goodnight Moon was a classic of course, and was top to bottom covered in illustrations. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too boring for her. Then again, though she was an adult ape, to your knowledge, she also had never read anything before. You couldn’t imagine she would complain this early on. Then your eyes landed on The Giving Tree. You felt a pang in your heart, having mixed feelings about the story now as an adult. It was a bittersweet story when you didn’t look at it through the eyes of a child.
Your brows furrowed as your eyes skimmed over the third book. You picked it up, reading allowed, “Stellaluna…I’ve never heard of this one before.”
There was a picture of a bat clinging to the branch of a tree, in what looked to be autumn. The illustration was beautiful, the bat looking so lifelike. You went to open the book but Soona stopped you, gently taking it from your grasp and holding it tightly, “We read…together.”
You were confused by her actions, but decided if she felt so strongly on the matter that you should respect her wishes. You smiled, “Okay, that’s fine with me. You picked really good ones, I remember the other two from my childhood. They are simple, but I think you’ll enjoy them.”
Soona nodded, “Pictures…tell a lot about…the story…I think.”
You snickered, “Well, enjoy them while you can. Books that were written for adult humans, things that Noa will probably be interested it, won’t have pictures in them.”
Soona looked crestfallen for a moment before both of you startled. Anaya, who was on the other side of the shelf, had rather roughly dropped his books next to Soona’s. He tapped them three times with his knuckles, gesturing to himself then to you, “Anaya’s books…good for learning?”
You saw the cover of the first one, another smile threatening to split your face in half. Green Eggs and Ham was very repetitive, and you were sure Anaya was either going to love it or hate it. You moved it aside, humming in approval to see The Rainbow Fish, which didn’t really surprise you. While Soona seemed to focus on books where pictures also told the story, Anaya seemed focused primarily on bright colors and designs on the covers. Still, you had to admit that the moral behind the story was a sweet one. It would be good for him.
You moved that one to the side to reveal his final pick. Unlike with Soona’s, you knew this one. It still made you pause. You locked every muscle in your body, fighting back laughter as If You Give a Mouse a Cookie stared back at you. You weren’t sure why it struck you as funny, and you didn’t want to laugh at Anaya’s choice, especially when you couldn’t explain why to him. You swallowed down the laughter, feeling your lungs burn from the lack of oxygen as you held your breath.
Anaya, more observant than you gave him credit for, let his expression fall, mouth hanging open slightly as he asked, “Bad?…Bad book?…Echo is quiet…why is Echo quiet?”
You took in a large breath of air through your mouth, “No Anaya, it’s not a bad book. It’s actually a very sweet book, sort of funny too. It reminds me of you actually. This is the book for you.”
Anaya seemed confused but relieved, snatching his books back from the table and holding them close to his chest, as if someone would try to take them from him. That did have you chuckling, looking behind Soona but not seeing Noa is the rows and shelves of books. You turned left, facing Anaya and looking over his shoulder. The ape mirrored you, looking behind him before turning back to you.
“Echo…looking for…what?” Anaya asked.
“Where’s Noa?” You wondered aloud before a light brush of your shoulder had you jumping out of your skin. You gasped in a breath, turning to find Noa behind you, “You scared me, when did you even walk behind me?”
“When you were…trying not to cackle.” Noa answered cheekily. Said playfulness disappeared as quickly as it arrived though, replaced with an anxious expression.
He raised the three books in his hands to you. You took them carefully, knowing right away Noa’s choices were not as simple as Soona’s or Anaya’s. On top of that, you only knew one of them, not sure how the other two would fair. Peter and the Wolf was a story you heard growing up as a child, a cautionary tale about being smart but also being able to be brave in the face of danger. It was a bit of a longer read, but still doable with illustrations to help set the story. The other two struck you as odd. One was The Mitten, and it was short enough, but just by looking at the cover you weren’t sure what it was about. You hoped nothing gruesome.
The final book, while being slightly illustrated, was not a beginner book. And the title alone…you had to crack open the book to make sure it was in English. It was, but still the title intrigued you, “Rikki Tikki Tavi…what on Earth? I’ve never heard of this one, and where did you even find it?”
Noa gestured to a reading table behind him where many books were spread out across it. You bit the inside of your mouth, knowing it was not meant to be in this section, but was probably placed there so long ago, it’s reader thinking they would be right back. You didn’t want to insult him, but you also knew he would have to work his way up to this one.
You sighed, “The other two are fine but this one, well…it’s not for beginners Noa. You’ll have to learn a lot before you read this one. If you want to pick another one you can, we can wait.”
He huffed, “No…take now…will learn to read it.”
There was a moment of warring wills before you decided, for whatever reason, he was not going to budge. You shrugged a shoulder, “Alright, the three of you will eventually swap stories before we come back anyway. We’ll make…Rikki Tikki Tavi our goal. Such a weird name.”
“Sounds fun…to say.” Anaya chimed in.
You chuckled, “Always a bright side with you, Anaya. If that’s everything, let’s grab the books and head out. Are we stopping anywhere else?”
This was directed at Noa, who took not only his books, but scooped yours up as well. You started to protest but he argued, “You must…mount first…we are heading home now.”
You stretched your arms, rolling your shoulders as you imagined the ride back. Then, you remembered the jump and you cringed at the thought of how often it would be happening in the future. What had you gotten yourself into?
That’s when you remembered, “When we get back you can leave your books with me, they’ll probably be safer that way.”
Noa and Soona nodded, but Anaya hesitated. He shuffled, asking, “Why not safe…with Anaya?”
You tilted your head slightly, eyebrows drawing together, “The books are fragile, made from paper. Getting them wet or dirty would mean they would fall apart. My shelter is pretty water proof, so…”
Now it was your turn to hesitate. You weren’t sure what their sleeping arrangements were like. You had assumed a few crude huts at most. Apes in the past usually used man-made structures that already existed as their nest, and the ones who didn’t chose caves or huts made from tree branches. Then, there were a few you came across that slept in trees. You figured, since there were no cities nearby in the first place, they probably slept in trees or huts, only now realizing how wrong you might be. You had never seen their village.
Noa, sensing your struggle, came to your rescue, “Echo is right…safer with her…other apes…will not understand…Echo books.”
“I promise to keep them safe, Anaya.” You said.
He looked reluctant, but nodded in the end. With that, the four of you headed out. Soona and Anaya tucked their books into their packs along their horses’ backs, starting to untie their reigns while Noa followed suit. You took this time to put a foot in the stirrup and practically throw your weight up and over, wanting to make the attempt while Noa was distracted. You let out a breath, thankful it only took you one try, and this time you didn’t need Noa’s help.
You turned, noticing the grin on Noa’s face as he tightened the strap on the pack to secure it. Your spear was still there, resting above the satchel, tied nicely but loosely should you need it. You felt the horse underneath you shuffle, whipping its tail in Noa’s face, and you had to laugh to yourself. With three apes, you probably didn’t need to bring a spear with you. Maybe next time you’ll just bring a small knife, or even forgo the weapon all together. After all, with three apes and as many horses at your side, you were more than confident you could protect each other. And, less weight for the horse to carry.
Said horse shuffled again, still tied to the post. You naturally grabbed the mane, feeling it trot in place. It’s jerking movements steadily progressing, until it was almost full blown bucking. Then, you noticed it wasn’t just yours, hearing a whinny from Soona’s horse. Anaya’s horse reared up on its back hooves, with Anaya holding on for dear life. You called Noa’s name, who was attempting to soothe his horse, looking to Anaya and Soona for an answer of what was happening.
Something was definitely wrong.
Soona stood up in her stirrups, one hand still on the neck of her horse in a comforting gesture. She scanned the area, sniffing loudly before her eyes widened, lowering herself and turning towards us, “Need to leave…Noa need to leave…now.”
Anaya’s head jerked in the direction of something behind you, screeching out, “Noa move!”
You had just enough time to turn to see a large, black mass charge towards Noa. He leapt off the ground, using the horse as leverage. He landed on the concrete steps of the library, somewhat off kilter. Ready to move again, stopped only by his horse rearing up again, Noa tried his best to assess the situation. Soona’s and Anaya’s horses followed suit, bucking and stomping their feet at the mass beneath them.
A boar.
You heard the squeal and grunts before you saw it’s next charge, the boar moving faster than you thought possible for something that size. It took everything in you to stay in the saddle, hearing Anaya hiss at the animal as Soona prepped her sling. It wouldn’t do her much good you realized, your eyes landing on the spear just an arms length away.
“Soona…Anaya…ride!” Noa yelled, attempting to free his horse while avoiding its wild bucking and the boar’s charging.
You noticed the triangular path it made, attempting to maul anything that wouldn’t kick it, or would hold still long enough. A damaged horse leg meant death for the animal, some distant memory whispered in your brain. The fact the tusks of the boar hadn’t found any soft flesh yet was a miracle. Soona took off immediately, Anaya’s horse attempting a few more stomps before it too took off down the road.
The boar attempted to give chase, just long enough for Noa to finally release the reigns from the post. The next second felt like a minute as you realized how far away you were from the jump of the barricade. You weren’t sure how long these horses could run, knowing they were used to walking long distances. Boars could chase down their enemies for long distances, like apes they were also territorial. Of course, between now and reaching the barricade, if one of the horses was injured…
Your hand was on your spear before you could blink, your feet kicking the horse beneath you into an immediate gallop. Noa’s snarl and subsequent screech would probably haunt you in the afterlife if there was one. You couldn’t look back, hearing him scream, “What are you doing…Stop!”
You couldn’t, the boar already heading straight for you and your horse. You gripped the spear tightly, reminding yourself that humans used to be the dominant species. Humans road horses long before apes did. You also tried to remind yourself what Noa had taught you about riding at a run. Still, your left hand gripped the spear in a firm hold, your right hand winding the horses mane around it like you had as a child. You silently apologized to the horse, letting the reigns rest on the pommel as you prepared for the fight.
The first pass of the boar was uneventful, your horse easily dodging, and you weren’t ready to use your spear just yet, testing the distance. Noa, originally safe on the steps of the library, tried making his way to you by leaping from perch to perch of buildings and old cars. You were relieved that he knew to avoid the ground. A quick turn had you circling the boar, trying to keep the distance close to avoid a charge, but far enough away it couldn’t outright attack.
It lunged, but you were ready, landing a hit to its right shoulder. Blood coated the tip of your spear now, but the blow didn’t so much as make the boar stumble. It followed through on its lunge, but thankfully a kick to its jaw from the back hoof of your horse forced it away. It still stood though, head shaking as it put distance between itself and you. You swallowed, eyes darting towards your horses legs just long enough to see there was no damage.
You heard Anaya and Soona approach tentatively, ready to flank the animal if need be. They didn’t seem to move forward though, allowing you the chance to take it down or scare it off yourself. You were grateful for the confidence, your stomach wanting to rebel against you as the boar charged again. You jabbed lower, more harshly this time to penetrate the fat of its side, close to its underbelly. This time, it ran away from you naturally. Noa’s horse, who seemed to understand now what was happening, was already circling the animal as you had done before.
Avoid charging distance.
You almost felt bad for the creature, blood dripping from its mouth as it started to incessantly charge and run at your horse. Still, you avoided each strike, Noa’s horse skillfully trotting from place to place as you tried to hit a major organ or muscle that would bring the beast down. Strike after strike, and still nothing, just flesh wounds. You decided your strategy needed to change. Your horse would tire eventually, and the cruelty of repeated strikes wounded something in your soul. The boar wouldn’t give up, wouldn’t leave, so you needed to end it.
You had an idea, but if it failed you were probably as good at dead. You noticed Noa keeping time with your movements while also keeping his distance as Soona and Anaya were. If it did fail, there was a small chance they could get to you in time. With that small hope, you unwound the horses mane from your wrist, gripping the reigns instead, turning the horse from the boar’s next charge and running it in the opposite direction. This seemed to confuse all parties present.
The boar, of course, did what you knew it would. It gave chase, charging relentlessly for your horse’s legs. You allowed it to chase, turning your horse around again to stab once more as you had been doing. Another wound, but still it stood. You weren’t striking hard enough, deep enough. You were too weak, too far away. You sent your horse galloping again, headed straight for Anaya and Soona. Their faces didn’t seem to understand what your plan was, but a quick glance at Noa showed you he had some idea what you were up to.
Your right leg was out of the stirrup, your hips screaming as you kept them wide enough to keep your seat, but bent your knee and tucked your leg as close to your body as possible. Your foot braced underneath you as much as it could, and you tested your weight on your left foot in the stirrup. It was solid. You held it there, turning to see the boar gaining once more.
That’s when your right hand released the reigns, both hands gripping your spear as you did the quickest maneuver of your life. You inverted your stance, left heel in the stirrup now as your toes pointed outwards, standing on said foot, your right leg swung over then in a phantom dismount. The momentum on your left side felt like you had been bucked off the horse, sending you straight for the boar. The tip of your spear was aimed for the center of the boars head, where snout met skull, right between its eyes.
The force of you leap from the saddle had been enough to carry you directly into it, feeling the spear slice through flesh and bone. You allowed yourself to launch forward in a type of pole vault past the boar as it dropped, releasing your spear. The last thing you wanted was to get trapped underneath the animal, whether or not your stunt had been enough to kill it. You hit the ground, nothing close to gently. You bounced and rolled a few feet, hearing fabric rip and your bones shake. You felt the burning of your palms against the asphalt as you made a single attempt to stop yourself before you willed your body into a limp state.
When you finally stopped moving, you felt sore all over. You wondered briefly if anything was broken, but a quick flex of your arm and leg muscles confirmed that it was just soreness. You couldn’t hear anything other than a slight ring at first, senses coming back to you slowly. How long had you been on the ground? You raised your head, the muzzle of Noa’s horse the first thing you saw. The sound of snuffling faintly reached your ears, the hairs on the top of your head moving from the force of the horse’s breath. You reached up, patting its nose with the tips of your fingers before laboriously lifting yourself up into a kneeling position. You kept your bleeding hands clutched into your lap, palms pressed into the material of your pants.
That’s when everything came into view.
The boar was still on the ground, your spear still protruding from its head. Soona and Anaya were heading towards it, their eyes locked on you though. Noa’s horse had moved to your left, out of your line of sight now. It was standing behind you as you looked to where Noa had been. He wasn’t there now, he was…suddenly beside you. He called your name again, the marvel of hearing it three times in one day had a small spark of joy shoot through you.
You tried to focus on what he said, but everything was coming in too fast for you to process. You could see Anaya grab the spear from the boar’s head as they rode towards you. Noa gripped your chin in his hand, turning your head towards him. His face came so close to yours, but you couldn’t back up, his grip iron. He sniffed loudly, his other hand smoothing around your head and digging into your hair.
He looked confused, but you couldn’t figure out why. He pulled at the edges of your shirt and your jacket around your neck, hands trailing down your arms then. He moved on to your back, leaning you forward with that same hand grasping your chin. His other hand roamed the expanse of your spine, swiping up the hair at the back of your neck. You felt his hand move again before stilling, unable to disguise the clear look of shock on his face. When his hand came back into view he was holding the entire backing of your jacket. The frayed ends and shredded middle clued you in to what that ripping noise had been. It basically saved your back from looking like your hands.
Soona and Anaya dismounted then, Anaya carrying your spear as they approached carefully, both sniffing the air. Soona said something you couldn’t hear, head foggy but starting to clear up the longer you sat there. Looking around them to the animal at their backs, you found your voice enough to ask, “Is it dead?”
“You should be dead!” Noa’s booming voice suddenly echoed in your ears.
You cringed away, groaning from the noise, “Not so loud.”
“He is right,” Soona’s soft voice brushed by then. “Whatever that was…should not have worked.”
Anaya seemed very excited as he proclaimed, “But it did…you killed it!”
You nodded slowly, not sure you could trust your legs to stand, but needing to either way. Noa’s hand on your shoulder stopped you. You looked up at him as he demanded, “Do not move…you are injured…smell blood.”
“I do too,” Soona confirmed.
You looked down then, pools of drying blood spreading across the material covering your lap. You turned your palms then, seeing the broken skin for the first time as you raised them up for the apes inspection.
Soona looked very concerned, turning to Noa as Anaya made small, rapid sounding hoots of concern. Noa did not hesitate, digging into the side bag on his horse and pulling out a small pouch of red looking paste. He smeared his fingers with it before slathering it onto your palm. The sting was immediate, causing you to hiss and jerk away out of instinct, but Noa did not allow you to go far with a hand on your back.
Your awareness pivoted to the warm leathery feel of his hand as it touched the bare skin of your back, only then remembering the state of your clothes. Your shirt was still in one piece, but sliced up just the same. Once he knew you wouldn’t move again, he yanked the wrap on his left arm from his body. He immediately began wrapping your left hand, the blood soaking through the first few passes before finally being confined to just your hand.
Noa looked to your right hand, seeing he had excess materiel. He made to rip the band, but Anaya stopped him, pulling away his own arm wrap and handing it to Noa. He said nothing, but you nodded towards Anaya, gasping through the pain of the red paste once more. “Thank you, A-Anaya.”
He grimaced, but grunted, “For Echo…anything.”
Noa finished wrapping your right hand, looking down at your pants as if you had soiled them. You remembered then, that Echo blood is revolting to apes, which probably explains the looks of disgust they were sharing. Anaya pivoted away from the group, taking a few steps towards the boar, then swiveled back before asking, “How…get home?”
“We…will not.” Noa responded with a sense of finality to his tone, offering you an arm to help you stand. You stumbled, but quickly caught yourself with his help. At first you thought they meant you, until Noa clarified, “Too big…hide too damaged…predator will clean for us…come nightfall.”
“But she fought,” Soona protested as Noa spotted your weight, making your way towards his horse. “Her honest kill…must be honored…we witnessed it…that is the law.”
Anaya was suddenly in charge of your weight, Noa passing you off to him as he mounted. He huffed, nostrils actually flaring as he argued with Soona, “Nothing we can do…out here…need to focus on…getting Echo home.”
Soona, not to be deterred, stamped her right hand into her left palm, “It is the law…Noa!”
“Law does not matter,” Noa hissed. He turned his gaze to Anaya, whose arm was wrapped around your waist and his other hand was holding your head. He refused to hand you over while Noa was fighting with Soona, which only seemed to enrage him more. “Will be dark…by the time we get back…do not have time for this…need Echo to be home…to be safe…for all of us to be safe!”
“Why does the law…not matter Noa?” Soona pushed.
You saw every muscles in Noa’s body tense, his breathing harsh as he and Soona stared each other down. You felt Anaya flinch beneath you before he grunted, “If that is the reason…then Noa should have…courage to say it.”
You felt like you were missing something important, but all you could focus on was how upset Noa was. You wanted to comfort him, but even now you felt yourself getting weaker the longer you stood. You allowed more of your weight to rest with Anaya, who had to readjust his grip to keep you upright. Still, he would not hand you to Noa.
Said Ape jumped from the saddle, anger burning in his eyes as he stared at Soona. You thought he would take you from Anaya by force as his gaze shifted, but instead he shouldered past you. He was out of your line of sight, but a few moments later you heard what sounded like the snapping of bones. You flinched each time, the sound sending chills up your spine.
When Noa returned, he grunted. You could see him now, in his left hand were the two tusks of the boar. His right hand, covered in what you assumed was it’s blood, raised towards your head. He paused before touching you, eyes softening as he silently waited for your permission. You hummed your approval before he made, what felt like, a W between your brows on your forehead.
Soona came towards you then, placing a hand on the top of your head, Anaya’s hand already occupying a side. Noa placed his on the remaining space, saying, “You have protected…the Eagle Clan…with this honest kill…in front of the witnesses…of your bravery…in the name of the elders who came before…as Master of Birds I…honor you now.”
You felt their hands, all but Anaya’s anyway, leave your body then. You remained confused, feeling as if something important had just happened, but you weren’t sure what. You supposed it was the clan’s way of thanking someone.
Soona looked to you then, patting your cheek, “Very proud…amazing Echo.”
Anya hooted lowly, “Very honored…Noa will explain…later.”
“We must go now,” Noa grunted as he mounted his horse once more.
Anaya did not hesitate to help hoist you into Noa’s waiting arms now. Once you were settled, a whimper catching in the back of your throat as the spreading of your legs hurt the places where your thighs had hit the asphalt. You tried to massage the pain away, but it was too deep set in. You closed your eyes, willing to grin and bare it until you were tucked into your bed tonight.
“Anaya…Soona,” Noa called. “Lead the way…home…will follow you…keep eye on Echo.”
Both apes nodded, Anaya making a hand gesture that you did not catch in time. Just in case, you signed back, Do not worry. Echo fine.
As the group made their way towards the barricade, you heard Noa whisper, as if he did not want to be heard by the other two, “Do not…do that again…very dangerous…could have been…hurt worse.”
You hummed, “I’ll try not to.”
“You are too intelligent...to be this foolish” Noa huffed.
Your brow creased, “A simple thank you would be enough. Y’know Soona’s sling, couldn’t have killed it. If it would have ripped into one of the horses legs you would have had a dead horse on your hands. I know you care for your horses just as you do your eagles.”
You were unprepared for the horse to run, your body a rag doll as Noa’s arm once again wrapped around you. The jump came and went so quickly, though you did yelp in pain when it landed. Noa’s grip did not leave you, and you allowed yourself to lean back against him. You were so tired, the setting sun reminding you that there was still an hour ride ahead of you.
Noa sighed, “Did thank you…and yes…I know…still…do not put yourself…in danger again…you are safe…with us…we can…protect you.”
“I know,” you mumbled. “I just wanted to help.”
You felt Noa’s other hand come up to stroke his fingers through your tangled hair. Something about that seemed odd, but you couldn’t pinpoint why as the pain slowly dulled the longer you rode. The gentle rock back and forth seemed to soothe you further. You jerked, almost falling asleep before crashing back into your body. You forced your eyes open then, trying to stay awake.
Noa chuckled, “You are tired…rest.”
“I’m okay,” you replied.
“Your body wants sleep,” Noa replied. “Listen to it and give it…what it wants.”
You hummed, feeling Noa pull you in closer to him. Your entire weight braced on his chest. He was warm, and as you let your eyes slip closed, you felt your head swivel to rest in the crook of his neck where it met his shoulder. You could hear his heartbeat, it was strong and steady, adding to the warmth of him and the rocking of the horse. You would lose this battle with sleep.
You felt Noa’s arm tighten around you, securing you to him. “Sleep…I have you.”
You were already half asleep when you whispered back, “You always do.”
Miami GP looks ‘24 3/3
Imola GP looks ‘24 1/2
part 3
summary: there's nothing like the ups and downs of formula 1, in which y/n l/n has a tumultuous rookie season, and what the hell is grill the grid?
pairing: none - it's all platonic 💅
warnings: apart from rewriting actual events so they fit better, there may be a sprinkle of typical motorsport ✨sexism✨
tag list: @slutforpopculture; @alliwantisadonut; @deargodofslumber; @laura-naruto-fan1998; @littlegrapejuice; @xxx-betty;
author's note: if you do want to be tagged in future parts, please comment on the most recent part.... i just don't check my messages sorry...
strikethroughs mean i wasn't able to tag you for some reason 🥺
previous | masterlist | next
a menace to her agent and her friends
part time formula 1 driver, full-time professional shit stirrer
the Bahrain GP in snapshots
the next couple of races do not go well for y/n, but she makes the most of it
note: i can't believe i hit the 30 image maximum for this post...
235 FAVORITE SHIPS OF ALL TIME (ranked by my followers) 47. logan echolls and veronica mars - veronica mars
Miami gp looks ‘24 2/3
Being Jasons girlfriend moodboard.
I‘ve got this little idea where Lando is angry about having to give the win to Oscar and he takes his anger out on reader but then Oscar calls Lando when they are in the middle of sonething ;) and Lando eventually picks up :D I don’t know if you like this
Thank you for this! I love it. Hope you enjoy it anon, I hope it's what you were hoping for. Remember - requests are always open.
Warnings - mild angst, smut, fingering, m and f receiving oral, swearing
2.1K
Today's race was a complete shitshow. Watching it was one thing, but listening to it was a whole other ballgame. Hearing how the pit wall lied, manipulated and guilt tripped Lando was heartbreaking to hear. Lando was already a sensitive being, but it was safe to say - sensitive or not - no driver deserved this kind of treatment from their own team.
You knew Lando was going to be upset, take the blame on himself for everything, but it was now your job to make him understand that none of today was his fault, and he was the one fucked over.
As he drove into his P2 place you stood watching him from the barriers. You expected to see him with a defeated look on his face, eyes sad as they usually would be after coming so close to a win and having it snatched away from him. But you didn't see any of that. Here was an angry Lando, pissed off, body language completely not what you were expecting.
He walked up to where his mechanics and you were standing. He threw words of anger, not directly to them, but rather for the team. When he looked at you his eyes bore into yours, not softening sweetly as they usually do when he looks at you. This was a very pissed off man standing in front of you, and you knew nothing you said at this moment was going to calm him down. You just bit your lip and gave his bicep a squeeze, before he was called for his interview and the podium.
As soon as that was done Lando went to finish up his other interviews. You waited for him in his drivers' room, trying to find a way to calm your own nerves and be prepared for whatever emotions Lando was going to go through.
After some time you heard Lando's voice getting louder, setting his frustrations out on Jon, about the race, about how it wasn't Oscar's race to win. His room door flew open before he quickly came inside and shut the door behind him.
''Lando -'''you started, but he cut your off.
''Just don't!. We're leaving. Flying back home. Don't want to spend another minute here'' he threw harshly at you.
''Okay, but baby please -''
''Fuck Y/N, just stop talking'' he cut you off again.
You gulped and just nodded your head, gathering your things, not saying another word. You knew his anger wasn't towards you. Basically any one who came into contact with him since the race ended has had his anger thrown at them. And you honestly struggled to find any reason to blame him.
The flight home was a silent one. You kept your distance knowing he would come to you when he was ready.
Once back at your shared apartment you hoped the comfort of the place would calm Lando down and let you be there for him.
He immediately started to unpack his bags, it was always the first thing he did once he was back home after a bad race.
''Lan I'm going for a shower'' you quietly told him as you stepped into the bathroom and started stripping when he didn't say anything back.
The warm water instantly calmed your tense body, and it had you involuntarily moaning with how good it felt.
What you didn't know was Lando had heard your moans, and for a second got angrier at the thought that you were pleasuring yourself when he was literally in the next room.
The bathroom door flew open and banged against the wall, causing you to jump and shudder with a fright.
''What the fuck are you doing?'' Lando asked, voice laced with venom, although his actions had your mind confused because he started stripping himself.
''I-What?'' you asked, mind blurred with what was going on.
He opened the shower door and you saw him in all his glory. Face red with anger, muscles taunt, and his god damn thick girth standing hard and tall, angrier than his face. His eyes shamelessly roamed your body, which had you suddenly dripped with want.
He stepped into the shower and pushed you against the wall roughly, but not enough to hurt you.
You cupped your chin and held it up so your face was gazing up at his.
''Touching yourself? When I'm right here?'' he asked, his voice and his hold on you softening instantly.
''What?'' you whispered, mind still confused at everything thats' happened in the last minute or so.
Lando's bought his fingers to toy with your cunt, slipping through your folds roughly.
''Lan oh uh'' you breathed, closing your eyes and enjoying what he was doing to you.
''Don't oh me'' he said, voice not as soft now.
''Lan, wasn't touching myself. Just felt relieved with the hot water on my body'' you breathed out, trying to grind yourself on his fingers.
''Say what you want babygirl'' he said, before leaning down to take the breath out of you in a heated, rough kiss. While at the same time he slipped two fingers through your entrance and set a relentless pace.
You moaned into him and you wrapped your arms around his head and pulled at his curls, edging him on to continue.
''Wasn't touching myself Lan'' you repeated as you pulled back for air. ''Not when I have you for that'' you whispered, pulling him in again.
He sped up his fingers and curled them so precisely so he was suddenly hitting that spongy spot inside you that sent you trembling over the edge, releasing your cum all over his hand while biting on his lower lip to ride through the pleasure.
''Look at you, dripping like this for me'' he roughly said before kissing you again and letting his tongue explore your mouth. All you could do was moan into the kiss again, trying to keep your body at bay from your unexpected orgasm.
Lando then pushed you down to your knees before pumping himself. You looked at his girth, saw how red and hard he was. The vein on the side looking like it was about to explode. You held onto his thighs as Lando pushed himself into your mouth, and hissing at the contact of your tongue on him.
He fucked into your mouth violently, hitting the back of your throat with each thrust which in turn had to gagging around him. Your mouth a mess of spit dripping down your chin.
You moaned around him again, creating a vibration at everything he was feeling, when he started talking again, this time about the race.
''Got fucked over by my own fucking team again, but at least I can come home and fuck you over now''
You moaned at his words, rubbing your thighs together slightly.
''That what you want huh? Already desperate for my cock, aren't you?'' you said as he slammed into your mouth again.
''Hmm mm'' you said, Lando not giving you a chance to say anything back.
You could feel his movements getting sloppier and clumsy, he was close, and you eagerly waited to taste him.
Suddenly though, he pulled out of your mouth. You whined in response when you saw hum shut the water off and step out the shower, pulling you behind him.
He quickly dried both of your bodies before he roughly picked you up by your ass and walked back into your bedroom, throwing you on the bed.
Lando spread your legs apart and wasted to time in running his cock through your folds before hammering into your cunt, bottoming out in one thrust.
''Fuck, Lando!'' you shrieked, body shuddering at the intrusion.
He didn't say a word. He just bought his hand to your throat and lightly put his pressure on it, using it to set a fast and rough pace, while his tongue settled on your hard nipples, biting and tugging on them.
''Yes Lan, god, feels amazing, fuck me harder, please'' you begged him, nails digging into the muscles on his back, probably even drawing blood from how hard you were scratching him.
He chuckled sarcastically. ''Harder, she says'' before his movements rapidly increased, making you a moaning mess underneath him.
That was until the sound of Lando's phone ringing on his beside halted your movements.
Lando scoffed when he saw who was calling him.
''Fucking pathetic. Steals my win from me then has the audacity to phone me while I'm fucking my girl''
You couldn't help but smile at the mention of being ''his girl'' while he was this riled up.
But you knew Lando had to speak to Oscar at some point. Might as well get it over and done with.
''Lan answer it, talk to him. You need to'' you cooed.
But Lando showed no signs of stopping fucking into you.
''He can fuck off. Don't wanna speak to him right now'' Lando angrily threw back at you.
While all this was going on you couldn't hold back your orgasm, so you violently gushed all over Lando's cock, moaning out his name, surely for the neighbors to hear.
As Lando chased his own release his phone started ringing again. This time though he held his hand over your mouth to muffle your moans and answered Oscar's call, not slowly his movements whatsoever.
''Osc'' he sarcastically threw through the call. He had it on loudspeaker so as much as you wanted to go into a phase of bliss, you listened in.
''Lando'' Oscar said, voice sounding weary, while Lando still pounded into you, eyes on yours.
''I just listened to everything. The on boards, everything. If I had known they were lying to you about your tyres and everything I wouldn't have wanted my first win like this. I didn't know you had a glitch at the start. Seriously, i hate that I took a win from you''
''Lando?'' he asked when Lando didn't reply, instead picked up his breathing into his phone.
''Fuck. I-I'' Lando panted, movements coming to halt.
''It's not your fault Oscar. The team fucked both of us today. But you deserved the win. Enjoy it'' Lando cooed back.
You couldn't help but admire Lando's humanity. He truly was such a selfless, incredible person.
''Yeah but still. Shit day for the both of us'' Oscar replied back.
Lando's eyes on you grew soft and tender for the first time since the race ended.
''Mate. We'll chat soon. But seriously, you only win for the first time once, so take it and enjoy it''
''Thanks'' Oscar said, and if he wanted to say anymore you wouldn't have heard it because Lando ended the call and threw his phone to the other side of the bed.
He leaned down and locked his lips with yours in a tender kiss, before he let all his weight fall on you and started to thrust into you again, not fucking you, but just making love to you.
You held his face in your hands and kissed him again, slow and deep, your own tongue slipping into his mouth and memorizing every inch of him.
Within minutes you had your body shaking underneath him, your warm juices sliding across his aching dick.
''Lan, fuck'' you moaned out.
''Fuck y/n, so frickin tight for me'' he whispered before his cock started twitching inside of you and in no time you felt him release his milky cum to fill you up. He moaned into your ear as he rode through his orgasm as you just wrapped your arms around him and held him as close as possible.
You stayed like that for a few minutes until he started softening, so he pulled out, the both of you moaning at the loss of contact.
Lando layed beside you and pulled you to his side.
''Lando-''
''Wait, I'm sorry for being angry at you. You know it wasn't you. It was the fucking team, and I'm not okay with how they treated me today. But thank you for being there for me. I love you so much''
''Lan I love you too. You're amazing and I swear I fall more in love with you every second of every day. You'll get that win soon enough. I know it. Until then, hold onto my love for you''
He kissed your forehead, then chuckled.
''What's so funny?'' you asked, giggling at him.
''And thank you for moaning in the shower. Fucking thought you were getting yourself off in there''
''Hmmm Lan, you should know better by now. Can't get myself off when I can have you there to fuck me whenever I want'' you both chuckled and kissed again.
ONE MORE YEAR FOR LOGAN I BEG ONE MORE YEAR 🤞 🙏
face claim: none ♡
request: here !
warnings: mentions of emotional cheating, break ups
part 1 | part 2
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You’d expected the revelation to shock you, shake you from this Charles centred stupor you had found yourself in, but instead you found yourself at peace with the idea.
In the 5 years since you’d known Charles, he had been nothing but kind, respectful and caring to everyone you had seen him interact with. Sure there were moments where his hotheaded side had come out, a bad race or a misguided comment from a reporter, but he was, underneath it all, a good guy.
The fact he’s effortlessly gorgeous helps too. High cheekbones, bright eyes and a deep cupid's bow. He was, in every sense of the word, gorgeous.
Grabbing your phone, you open the notes app and jot down the name of each driver, splitting them into teams, trying to compare them to Charles to see if you would feel the same sense of calm that knowing he liked you brought.
The McLarens. Oscar was immediately struck from the equation. Too young and too in love with Lily to even consider it. Lando would make you want to strangle him daily, something he already often does whenever the two of you are bickering.
VCARB. Yuki was in the same “too young” category as Oscar, and Daniel would infuriate you to no end with his pranks no matter how much you loved him deep down. The memory of a drunk Daniel stripped to his boxers and belting out a completely off tune Mariah Carey song sends a shudder down your spine.
The Alpines weren’t even a consideration. You’d spoken to Pierre maybe 3 times in the entire time he’d been on the grid, and only in the presence of Max. And despite the air being cleared long ago, you still remember the dirty looks you and Esteban would exchange post Brazil 2018.
The Haas duo had affectionately taken on the mantle of your grid dads and even the mere thought of a romantic situation between you and them made you wince.
Kick was another immediate no for you. Apart from pleasantries, you don’t think you’d ever had a full conversation with the elusive Zhou and as much as you were impressed by the flowing mullet of Valtteri, his wife and kids knocked him out of the running automatically.
The Williams boys were a kind pair. Logan, as sweet as he is, is grouped with Oscar and Yuki whilst Alex is very happy with Lily. If Lily ever confessed her love to you… that’s a whole other story. You chuckle softly to yourself at the fact that the only person so far to match the way Charles made you feel wasn’t even a member of the grid.
Aston Martin. Fernando was another one of your grid dads, and if Lance ever made any inclination to liking you, you fear his mob boss-esque dad would send you running for the hills.
Mercedes. Or more so affectionately named Britcedes. Like Alex, George was happy with Carmen. Lewis was probably the only person on the grid who brought anywhere close to the same amount of calm as Charles. Even after Abu Dhabi 2021, he had always been cordial with you, often including you in any conversation if you were nearby or making sure to separate you from the entity that is The Max Verstappen.
You took a moment. Do you measure Checo and Carlos as a mismatched unit, or consider them as half a team of their own? Sarcastically, you wonder if it would have been easier to be in this weird love triangle with Checo, at least then your team by team comparisons would be even.
Both of them had only ever been cordial with you, Checo hardly around unless it's for race week or publicity events whereas Carlos, whilst being a lovely guy, was too much of a playboy for your standards.
Staring at the list, you sigh. No name even came close to making your heart flutter the way it did the moment the puzzle pieces slotted into place.
Locking your phone and sliding it back onto the night stand, you close your eyes. Hopefully a good night's sleep would help your restless mind.
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You’re soon awoken by knocking. Automatically assuming it’s Max back from another night out, you roll over in bed, shoving your head into the pillows below you.
Another round of knocks rouse you from your bed, bleary eyes catching the alarm clock proudly showing 5:03AM in mocking bright green.
Stumbling hands unlatch the lock, pulling on the handle sleepily. “Max, I told you -”
Pausing your sentence, you eye the two individuals in front of your door, neither of which were your boyfriend. You scratch your head slowly at the sight of the two, briefly remembering a text Flavy had sent to you saying she would be coming over early today for a girls weekend.
Shaking your head at your own forgetfulness, you open the door fully, inviting the two in sheepishly. “Sorry, I kinda forgot you were coming…”
Flavy waves off your apology, dropping a kiss to each cheek as Esteban follows, a small suitcase in each hand.
He huffs as he drops them gently by the door, rolling his wrists out slowly. “I don’t know how you managed to pack so much into such tiny suitcases. If I get P20 in the next race, it’s from breaking my wrists carrying these things around.” He finishes his sentence by scuffing his foot softly against one of the suitcases, bright smile offsetting the tone in his voice.
Wrapping your arms around him in a brief hug, you guide them through to the kitchen, Jimmy and Sassy watching from their perches as the two take a seat on the sofa. Flavy fusses over her boyfriend's wrists sarcastically, biting the inside of his wrist playfully.
Your heart aches at the scene of blissful domesticity, trying to remember the last time you and Max joked around like that. Trying to distract yourself from bringing the mood down, you bring over two glasses of water for the pair, settling into the large armchair opposite.
Flavy clears her throat before facing you, eyes full of concern. “So, I’m not sure how much you want to say in front of Este, but we’re worried about you, Y/N. I may have known you the least amount of time out of all the girls, but I’d say we’re pretty close.”
You hum your agreement, eyes flitting between Flavy and Esteban.
“Whenever I see you in the paddock or at the girl’s catch ups, you always look… sad recently. And with the whole tweet thing, and Max’s general behaviour recently, I, well we, just wanted to check on you.” She drags herself up from the sofa, settling in beside you on the armchair. “You’re one of my favourite people, and it makes me sad to see you hurting. What’s going on, Y/N?”
You keep your eyes trained on the bracelet around your wrist, a 2 year anniversary gift from Max. A hand settles softly on your shoulder, the warmth seeping through your thin sleep shirt.
Before you can stop it, a sob tears through your throat, raw and visceral as it claws its way out into the world. The bracelet before you blurs behind swimming tears and that same warm hand pulls you into a cosy jumper.
You hear Esteban clear his throat, obviously unsure about what to do. Flavy wraps you tighter in her arms, whispering reassuring words in your ear as you heave breath after breath into your lungs, trying desperately to claw back your last few shards of dignity.
They slip through your fingers like sand, disappearing like whispers into the wind. Each sob racking through you amplifies the ache in your chest, and if you listened closely enough, you could hear the cracks scattered across your heart widen.
Seconds, minutes, maybe even hours pass before you can take a somewhat normal breath, face still buried in the warmth of Flavy’s jumper. Her other hand is now pressed to the back of your head, stroking gently over your hair as she murmurs something in French to Esteban. He responds with a hum, and you hear socked feet padding across the floor before a blanket is draped over your shoulders.
Peeking out from the cashmere threads, you dread to think of what you look like right now. Your eyes hurt to open, swollen from crying and your nose must be tinted red from how hard it was pressed into the jumper below.
You try to speak, to apologise for your outburst, but only a croak escapes before you stop, throat tender from use. Flavy shushes you, moving the hand from the back of your head to make a grabbing motion to Esteban who moves a glass of water into her grasp.
You welcome it greedily, taking gulp after gulp until it’s left empty. You feel her hand rubbing comforting circles on your back and sigh, pulling yourself partially from her grasp. Taking a moment to look between her and Esteban, you wince at the pity on their faces.
“So… that was embarrassing.” Laughing at Flavy’s noise of indignance, you sigh. It must be close to six in the morning at this point and you know Esteban will be tired after driving up from the French Riviera so early. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m exhausted and judging from the way Este is swaying on his feet, you guys are too. You can take my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch. All that crying’s wiped me out.”
Esteban grabs the blanket from your shoulders, stretching out as much as possible on the sofa. “I’m quite comfy here. You and Flavy take the bed.”
You try to argue but Flavy pulls you up from the armchair. “As stubborn as you are, he is ten times more stubborn. It’s easier to accept defeat than argue, take it from someone with experience.” She nudges your hip with her own, trying to lighten your mood.
“But…” you gesture to Esteban’s legs, currently half hanging off the end of the sofa.
Esteban wiggles his toes in response, drawing them in so they rest on the edge of the sofa. “I’m fine, really, Y/N. Flavy gives the best post cry hugs so it would be cruel to separate the two of you right now.”
Admitting defeat, you offer him another pillow from the armchair, watching as he rises from the sofa to give Flavy a soft goodnight kiss before settling into his bed for the night. Despite the earlier affection nearly tipping you over the edge, you can’t help but smile softly. They were good to each other, so sweetly in love you can’t help but whistle teasingly as Flavy dragged you to the bedroom, cheeks ablaze under the glimpse of sunlight peeking through the curtains.
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Esteban had left a few hours later, having to get to Alpine for testing. You wince as he hobbles out the door, one hand supporting his back. Saying a silent apology to Bruno, you and Flavy laze about the flat, a text sent out to the girl’s groupchat for anyone to come join. Both Lily’s and Carmen reply quickly, already dragging their overnight bags out of their closets.
Your phone remains on the side, still silent with not even a read receipt from Max after you’d asked for his whereabouts. Huffing at his inability to communicate like an adult, you push him to the back of your mind, enjoying having your girls around you.
A few chick flicks and a lot of Mojito’s later, the five of you spread out across the sofa and armchair, Carmen currently propping you up as she braids strands of your hair gently.
Your eyes catch Flavy’s and you sigh, knowing what is about to come.
“So… you can probably tell I’ve been a bit off recently. Wait, one sec.” You grab your phone, opening up a facetime call and patching in Kika, Heidi and Rebecca. Once the three girls are all facing you on the screen, you set them up on a vase facing the room. “There we go, I feel like I should have all my girls here for this. So, I’ve obviously been a bit weird recently. Well, more than recently, for the past few years I think. I know you’ve all seen the tweet about Charles and Max from a while back and I asked Charles about what had happened.”
Dragging the sleeves of your jumper over your hands, you avoid eye contact with the girls around you and on the phone. “Charles asked Max where I was since a bunch of you were out with the guys and Max said he didn’t know and didn’t care.” A chorus of shocked gasps and affronted admissions of anger fly through the air. “I kind of knew that’s what he was thinking but to hear it come from someone else is another thing. Girls…” Gulping down a rising sob, you look to Flavy, making out her outline through teary eyes. “I think, no I know, it’s over. It has been for a while, I’ve just been too scared to accept it.”
Your voice cracks around the edges of your final sentence, inviting the girls in the room to crowd around you, hands reaching out to grab wherever they could. You can hear the girls on the phone murmuring in low tones, voices drowned out by the ones closest to you.
Kika’s voice calls out through tinny speakers. “Y/N, Pierre’s booking me a flight right now. I’ll be there as soon as I can!”
Heidi joins in. “I’ve already told Danny to drop me off, we’ll be 20 minutes max.”
Rebecca is silent for a moment longer before she patches back in. “I have a schedule in France next week but Carlos is looking at hotels for me to stay in so I can come to Monaco tomorrow, I’ll let you know about times.”
Despite the tears streaming down your cheeks, you smile widely. If all else fails, at least you have your girls.
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👤 flavy.barla, carmenmmundt, lilynzeimer, lilymhe liked by charles_leclerc, carmenmmundt and 580,918 others
y/nstagram told carmen to bring pastries and she brings a whole ass cake? she knows the way to my heart
fan y/n again i ask, which kitty is that? ↳ y/nstagram jimmy! if you wanna know the difference, jimmy is bigger and also a lil darker than sassy ♥️
lilymhe what did you put in those mojitos? i'm sozzled at 3pm... ↳ y/nstagram i may have been a bit heavy handed with the vodka sorry babygirl x
flavy.barla pls come hold my hand i'm feeling fragile rn ↳ y/nstagram i am literally ten steps away i'll be there in a second you big baby ♥️
fan i love y/n and her girlfriends ♥️ y/nstagram
fan alcohol in the afternoon i dont think she's coping with that lestappen tweet ↳ fan maybe this was preplanned? we don't know her like that
fan no max like i am down on my knees ↳ fan lads i think we have to accept it may be over ↳ fan i hope y/n gets the cats ↳ fan those are max's babies watch your tone ↳ fan he couldn't even like the pic of one of his babies!!!!! >:(
fan wag meet ups are always my fave just live together already ↳ y/nstagram if i could pry my girls from those gremlin men, we would 100% have a commune ↳ lilynzeimer UM??? we are so doing that??? ↳ francisca.c.gomes omg can i come too? ↳ pierregasly we literally just bought a flat together? ↳ francisca.c.gomes i'm speaking to my wife hush ↳ pierregasly god give me STRENGTH. ↳ lilymhe y/n gf's commune Open ↳ alex_albon ???? our 23782 pets may disagree ↳ y/nstagram they're coming too wdym ↳ alex_albon you can't have my girl AND my pets??? thats just greedy y/n ↳ lilymhe we can share custody ↳ alex_albon STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE LEAVING ME ↳ y/nstagram she just wants an upgrade, something williams could do with too ↳ alex_albon you're actually evil ↳ y/nstagram logansargeant logie bear your teammates being mean to your mum ↳ logansargeant alex leave my mom alone or i'll run you off the track ↳ alex_albon not if williams give me your car again. ↳ y/nstagram alex apologise RIGHT NOW ↳ alex_albon HE SAID HE'D HIT ME WITH HIS CAR??? ↳ logansargeant :((( that was really mean alex ↳ y/nstagram alex so help me i will take your girl, your pets AND your manhood ↳ alex_albon 🙄 i'm sorry logan... ↳ logansargeant :))))) ↳ fan what just happened ↳ fan idk and at this point i'm too scared to ask
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y/npriv uploaded to their story
(caption: the way all my girls have sent this to me, i love you guys)
alex_albon ... given our last conversation i am hiding from lily ↳ y/nstagram it's not lily you need to watch out for ↳ alex_albon i am being THREATENED by my gf's gf i'm fuming ↳ y/nstagram it was more like a promise :)
logansargeant here for you whenever y/n!! i'm not too sure what's going on but we all love you ❤️ ↳ y/nstagram logie 🥹 thank you angel ! ❤️
landonorris he won't get off my fucking couch. please come and get your boyfriend before i do something violent ↳ y/nstagram he's a big boy, he can come back whenever he wants.
kevinmagnussen i can always hit him with my car if needed ↳ y/nstagram KEVIN NO ↳ kevinmagnussen 🙄 you're no fun y/n
nicohulkenberg can kevin hit him with his car ↳ y/nstagram nico not you too ... no hitting max with a car !!!!!!!!!! ↳ nicohulkenberg boooooring
estebanocon brazil 2018 may be resolved but i'll still crash into him again... just say the word ↳ y/nstagram why does everyone wanna hit him with their cars? 😭 esteban No! ↳ estebanocon i wont on purpose but if we meet on a free practice he's getting put in the barriers. ↳ estebanocon i know we haven't spoken in person much but flavy loves you (more than me admittedly) and so i also care about you. ↳ y/nstagram 🥹 big softie. ↳ y/nstagram but thank you esteban, it means a lot :)
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Max texts you a few hours later to let you know he would be coming back soon. Ushering the girls out of your flat, they all call over one another to let them know the moment you want them to come back.
The only issue is that you weren’t sure you would have an apartment for them to come back to after the conversation you’re about to have. Max wasn’t a cruel man despite everything, he would never leave you without a home, but you weren’t sure you would want to stay here afterwards.
Straightening up the blankets on the back of the sofa and putting the last few remaining glasses into the dishwasher, you pace around the flat briskly. The cats seem to sense your nervousness, slinking in and out of your legs as Jimmy nibbles lightly against your ankle when you finally come to a stop by the kitchen counter.
You hear Max turn his key in the lock, the sound of the door opening almost hesitantly. At least he hadn’t forgotten his keys this time. “Y/N?”
Tears well in your eyes, trying to remember the last time he’d said your name in a tone that wasn’t angry or bored. You take one deep breath, then another, trailing through to the living room where Max stood, still in the clothes he’d left in the night before.
“We need to talk, Max.”
He nods slowly, dropping his keys on the table as he perches on the edge of the sofa, as if he was a guest in his own house. You take a seat on the armchair again, the furniture slowly becoming a comfort piece for you.
You want to be standoffish, to unleash hell so you can give him even a small piece of how you’ve been feeling these past few months or years but looking at how Max is picking at the edges of his nails, the way he’s chewing on his lower lip, you sigh. Above everything, he’s still your boyfriend. The man you chose to spend 7 years with and hopefully you can both be mature about the situation at hand.
Max goes to speak but you hold a hand up, wanting to get everything off your chest. “Please, can I just go first?”
He nods again, hands wringing against one another from where they rest on his lap. One hand comes to scratch nervously at the stubble on his chin, a tell tale sign that he’s nervous.
“I’m sure you already know what I’m going to say. We…” You take a moment to wipe away a stray tear from your cheek, swallowing harshly to try and stop the rising cries. “We’re over. And I think you and I know we have been for a long time. I don’t know when exactly, but we haven’t been happy for years. I kept thinking it was just because the honeymoon phase was over and we would find our way around all the arguments but we’ve become strangers. I feel like I don’t know you anymore.”
The tears come thick and fast now, your hands wiping viciously against your cheeks to try and clear them. Neither of you are looking at each other but you can tell Max is crying too, eyes trained on the way his clasped hands shake slightly.
“We live together, go to most of your races together, sleep in the same bed and yet to me, you’re a ghost. I can’t remember the last time we went on a date, the last time we were even remotely intimate or even the last time we were genuinely happy. I’m fucking miserable, Max. I don’t wanna do this anymore. I love you, and I always will but I can’t be with you, it’s killing me.”
You glance up at Max’s face, the way the tears slide silently down his cheeks and his lower lip trembles from where it’s tucked between his teeth. The ache in your chest grows stronger, pin pricks of pain where the sadness digs its claws deep into the cracks of your heart, ripping the two halves apart cruelly.
Max swallows, unlatches his lip from his teeth and looks up to meet your tearful eyes. “I know. I know and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N. I love you even if I don’t show it but I don’t think I’m in love with you and I don’t think you’re in love with me either.” He smiles sadly, eyes tracking your face as you nod in agreement. “
“But I haven’t been fair to you, I’ve blown you off time after time, I ran away to fucking Milton Keynes and left you alone in a country that isn’t your home and left you to try and keep this shitshow running. You deserve to be happy, and I know I can’t give that to you anymore.”
He reaches out to rest one shaking hand on top of yours. Despite the two of you currently being mid break up, you appreciate the show of affection, turning your hand in his grip so you can loosely link your fingers.
He sighs, tightening his grip on you. “I think I was trying to protect myself, to pretend none of this was happening and we were still the same Max and Y/N from 2018. All I can say is there will always be a part of me that loves you, and an even bigger part that will always be sorry for how I’ve treated you. I hope one day we can look back on the earlier years fondly and maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive me, even if I don’t deserve it.”
A small sob escapes you at the broken look on Max’s face. You were so wrapped up in how he was treating you that you never took a moment to think of how he was feeling. Of course, it doesn’t validate his actions, but imagining how hurt he must have also felt in those moments deepens the claws in your chest.
“Maxie, you’re not a bad person. We’ve just been in a bad situation. Yes, you have hurt me much more than I care to admit but I can see that deep down, you’re hurting too. I don’t blame you for how you chose to try and protect yourself. Relationships fail and people fall apart, I just wish it hadn’t taken us so long to finally bite the bullet.”
He nods solemnly, hand still grasped in yours. You know you need to bring up Charles, even if it breaks the sorrowful peace surrounding the two of you right now. Looking at Max silently berating himself in his head, you know it’s time to come clean. He may have treated you badly, but you’re the one who fell for someone else, even if you didn’t realise until last night.
“I have to be truthful. I want to preface by saying I would never, ever cheat on you but Charles… I think…” I like him. The unspoken words settle like thick smoke in your lungs, burning and smouldering. Tendrils crawl up your throat and settle heavy on your tongue, choking you in a layer of uncertainty and fear.
“I know. Me and Charles actually had an argument about it back in 2020, I think? I could see he liked you and it pissed me off, so we fought. Nothing physical but I didn’t exactly pull my punches verbally. I also know you had no idea you liked him too until recently.” He eyes you in a jestful manner, the teasing gesture a warm balm across your aching heart. “You’ve always put your everything into this relationship, even when you were the only one to do so. I’m not mad, I promise.”
He smiles softly at you, squeezing your hand one last time before pulling his back to rest on his lap again. This is the Max you wished to see. The Max you fell in love with. It just stings knowing it took the two of you breaking up for this Max to show himself to you once more.
You try to crack a joke to lighten the mood. “2018 Max would never have been this calm in a breakup.”
“2018 Max wouldn’t have had a reason to.” His tone is solemn but his eyes are warm, most likely remembering how the two of you were at the beginning of your relationship.
He sighs, rubbing his hands against his thighs before standing. “You can stay here. The flat is fully paid off and I can easily find somewhere else. I’m gonna go stay at a hotel, I think Lando would beat me over the head with a padel racket if I tried to go back to his.”
You laugh, the sound warbled in your throat. “You don’t have to do that, Max. This is your home too.” It stings, reminding yourself that these 4 walls were still his too.
He shakes his head, picking at the loose thread of his jeans. “This has been more your home than mine these last few years. It would be nice to get a fresh start. I mean, if you want to do that too, you can always sell this place and find somewhere new?”
Taking in the living room, you take a moment to contemplate. Despite the loneliness you were shrouded in here, it was your home. The dents in the walls from you moving furniture at 3 in the morning, the flaked paint from Jimmy scratching up the walls instead of their scratching post, the little bits and pieces you had collected over the years to make the place seem more cosy.
“I think I’ll stay. I like it and there are plenty of good memories here.” You nod towards him, flashes of the younger version of you two running through the rooms, a game of chase he would always win.
Chuckling, he moves into the bedroom, most likely to pack a suitcase. You remain seated, welcoming Sassy who curls up tightly in your lap, her purrs calming your erratic heart.
Max emerges 5 minutes laters, packed suitcase wheeled alongside him. You eye it briefly before turning back to look up at him. “Didn’t take you long.”
He shrugs, gesturing to the bedroom behind him. “Mostly Red Bull t-shirts and skinny jeans in there, it’s not like I wear much else.”
The two of you share a laugh, recalling the amount of times you would beg him to just wear a plain shirt instead of one of those logo ridden nightmares.
He shuffles awkwardly on his feet before tucking his hands into his pockets. “Now that we’ve broken up, d’ya think I can be added to your private instagram? Been dying to know what’s on there.”
You chuckle, slightly surprised that he knows about your private instagram. “And how did you find out about my best kept secret?”
He shrugs, grinning slightly. “Saw it on Lando’s phone once. He refused to show me it on the grounds that you would beat him up, which I don’t doubt. I understand if you don’t want me on there, but I think it would be funny to see the others reactions.”
Scoffing, you pull out your phone, gesturing for him to do the same. “You’re evil, but correct. Go on then, send me the request.”
You accept his follow request, watching as he pockets the phone immediately after. “I’ll look through it when I’m alone and can beat myself up over how shittily I’ve treated you.”
Levelling him with a look, you lock your phone. You have half a mind to delete some of the posts but know it wouldn’t help the situation.
He leaves his suitcase by the door, coming over to press a gentle kiss to your forehead. “I’m sorry and I love you.”
You grin back at him, reaching up to squeeze his forearm. “I’m sorry and I love you too.”
You watch as he says goodbye to the cats, the two of them more interested in a toy on the floor, then he’s gone, the sound of the door closing echoing through the quiet apartment.
Sending a quick text to the girls group chat, you settle back into the armchair, tears falling silently but a smile on your face.
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liked by carmenmmundt, francisca.c.gomes and 25 others
y/npriv carmen brought over another cake, i'm gonna kiss her guys (also jsyk me and max broke up but it was amicable guys, pls don't hit him with your car)
iamrebeccad i'm just about to board my love, see you soon 💜 ↳ y/npriv see you soon becs 🩷
francisca.c.gomes y'all broke up? more like he broke, you up! ↳ y/npriv he is a multi millionaire 😭 ↳ francisca.c.gomes sending you enough money to make you one too x ↳ y/npriv you do that kiks xx
charles_leclerc sending you happy thoughts x ↳ y/npriv thank you charlie :) that's very nice of you ↳ landonorris ik he's foaming at the mouth right now ↳ charles_leclerc delete you rat. ↳ y/npriv ???? ↳ charles_leclerc nothing ignore that y/n :)
nicohulkenberg i feel like that caption is aimed at me... ↳ y/npriv you and half the bloody grid 😭 ↳ kevinmagnussen i'll get him when you're not looking ↳ y/npriv kevin i WILL tell louise don't try me kevin ↳ kevinmagnussen ... mean ↳ estebanocon ok i won't hit him with my car... again ↳ y/npriv flavy.barla you better hold him to that ↳ flavy.barla trust me he knows not to get on my bad side ↳ estebanocon i am terrified of her ↳ y/npriv good ↳ flavy.barla good
maxverstappen1 why is everyone threatening to hit me with their car? ↳ lilymhe y/npriv what is he doing here ↳ y/npriv 🤷🏼♀️ amicable break up = add to the priv ↳ y/npriv and maybe i thrive on chaos ↳ maxverstappen1 looking through your posts maybe they should hit me with their car ↳ y/npriv hey none of that max. ↳ kevinmagnussen i have permission! ↳ y/npriv KEVIN thats it logjorup come get your husband ↳ logjorup kevin no we talked about this. ↳ kevinmagnussen i can't have shit.
georgerussell63 please dont kiss my girlfriend she'll leave me ↳ y/npriv too late x ↳ georgerussell63 carmenmmundt ??? ↳ carmenmmundt what happens in y/ns flat stays in y/ns flat (we got married last year) ↳ georgerussell63 cant even say im shocked ↳ lilymhe i officiated it :) ↳ georgerussell63 didn't think you'd want anyone snatching your gf ↳ lilymhe bold to assume carmen didn't officiate mine and y/ns marriage right after ↳ georgerussell63 bigamist ↳ y/npriv and proud x
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The girls had come round soon after, Heidi in tow, mentioning how they’d been camping in the cafe down the street.
You think about the kind lady there and how you’re going to break the news that she won’t see you and Max together anymore. She often joked about the two of you getting married and bringing little ones around to see her. You think she’ll be more heartbroken about the situation than you and Max.
Rebecca and Kika had come round soon after, the boys having managed to book a car service between the two of them as the girls’ flights landed at similar times.
Your phone had been pinging non stop, text after text from drivers and their partners coming in sending their condolences for you and Max. You’d replied to the first few, soon feeling overwhelmed and hiding the phone underneath one of the sofa pillows, ignoring the never ending buzz.
One of the first to text you privately had been Charles, short and sweet and to the point.
Hi Y/N. I really am sorry to hear that you and Max broke up. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.
You’d sent back a generic reply, not wanting to think for too long about the man who had unknowingly been a catalyst to the break up.
Heidi appears next to you on the armchair, slinging an arm around your shoulders. Dragging your eyes away from the buzzing pillow, you smile at her softly.
“What’s going on up there?” Using the hand slung around your shoulder, she taps twice against your temple. The interaction draws the attention of the other girls, all conversations muting down to listen to your response.
Sighing, you shuffle so Heidi can sit more comfortably beside you. “I don’t know. I’m sad, y’know, me and Max were together a long time. But I’m also relieved? It sounds so horrible to say but I didn’t realise just how much this whole situation was weighing on me until it was over.”
Shuffling in your spot, you take a quick sip of the margherita Carmen had made you. “Like, I love him and I always will but at the same time, I’m glad we ended it amicably. You hear so many horror stories of break ups being shouting matches and accusations flying around but it was like saying goodbye to an, albeit distant, friend. We both admitted to where we’d gone wrong and we apologised. It was… nice? I’m not sure if that’s the best way to describe a break up but honestly, I don’t know how else to explain.”
Heidi hums, the girls all sitting round in contemplative silence. Kika takes a quick sip of her drink, setting it down on the floor. “So, we all know Max didn’t treat you the best towards the end.” She tuts as you go to interrupt her. “I’m not going to go on an anti-Max rant, don’t worry. But you said where you’d both gone wrong. If you don’t mind me asking, where do you think you messed up?”
Chewing on your lower lip, you glance across at Flavy, who gives you an encouraging nod.
“Well, I fell for someone else.” You wince, bracing for impact as the girls digest what you just said.
Lily looks up from where her and the younger Lily are entangled on the sofa. “Charles?”
Shocked, you look at the other girls. None of them are looking at you in disdain, only quiet observation.
“Was it that obvious?”
Lily shakes her head, pulling herself up to sit normally on the sofa. “Not obvious, but there were signs. We’re not gonna shame you or anything.” She pauses, waiting for the other girls to agree. The room is filled with noises of confirmation. “I mean, it was blatantly obvious Charles fancied you but it’s only been the last… 6 months or so that I thought there may be a chance you liked him back.”
Groaning, you sink back into the soft cushions, pulling your shirt up to hide your face. “I’m a horrible person.”
A hand reaches out and pulls the top from your grip gently. You look down and see Rebecca giving you a reassuring smile, hand disentangling from your shirt to grab your hand and give it a quick squeeze. “You’re not. Trust me, we wouldn’t all be here if we thought that. You were in a tough situation, it’s not like you and Max were going anywhere,” she winces at her own bluntness, startling a chuckle from you.
“You deserve to be happy, and the relationship you were in wasn’t giving you that. Wanting to be with someone who makes you happy doesn’t make you a horrible person, it makes you human.” She squeezes your hand once more before pulling away, reaching for her drink on the floor.
Looking around, you take a second to let her words sink in. You do deserve happiness, it's just unfortunate that happiness wasn’t with Max. “So, when did you all figure out Charles liked me? Because none of you seemed shocked when Lily mentioned him.”
Lily speaks up first. “I’ll go first. It was 2019 and Max and Charles were 1-2 in Spielberg. I watched the podium with Alex below since, y’know, he was Red Bull adjacent, and neither Max nor Charles could take their eyes off you. At first, I thought Charles was looking towards the Ferrari staff, but then I noticed his eyes followed you when you walked away with the Red Bull team.”
Kika joins next, hand waving around her cocktail glass. “Mine was similar, it was Jeddah 2022. Ferrari had a 2-3, yet Charles was nowhere to be found after the celebrations. Pierre went to go find him to congratulate him and I followed. He was sat in the paddock, his phone open on your instagram. He kept glancing between it and you and Max who were celebrating his 7 millionth win.”
You tut, reaching out to knock her lightly with your foot. She grabs your ankle, squeezing once before letting go, joining you in laughter.
Heidi, younger Lily, Rebecca, Flavy and Carmen follow in suit, all giving examples of when Charles was simply ‘enamoured’, Carmen’s phrasing, with you. You think back to each moment they mention, trying to remember if you had realised the same thing as them at the time.
In the earlier years, you hadn’t, too wrapped up in Max. But when Rebecca mentions a moment last year when Charles had accidentally spilled hot coffee over himself when you’d shown up in a slightly low cut dress, the recognition starts to fall into place.
You remember rushing over to him, grabbing a napkin and wetting it before pressing it to his hand. At the time, you thought nothing of the way he blushed deep red and avoided eye contact, eyes remaining on the carpet below. But now, you smile softly, remembering how he had stumbled over a compliment for you before rushing away to the medic tent.
The girls let you take a moment to think through what they had said, small conversations starting between them, the murmurs filling the warm air of your apartment. Heidi remained quiet next to you, hand running through the ends of your hair gently.
Sending her an appreciative glance, you reach under the now silent cushion, opening yours and Charles’ text thread. Out of the corner of your eye, you see her nod reassuringly.
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a/n: part 3 is here! i know i said this would be the final part but i felt that it needs a part 4 to really wrap everything up, sorry and thank you all for being so patient! any spelling mistakes shh ignore them i don't have a beta reader and if i had to reread my own writing one more time i was going to cry! let me know if you would like to be added / removed from the taglist <3
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Summary: Y/n and Charles had broken up a few weeks ago. Y/n thought it was a good idea to enter the yachting world to get over the break up, but suddenly he shows up at the last charter of the season. How will they cope with it? Words: 3018 Part 2
"All crew, all crew, the guests are arriving in ten minutes. Please, change into your polos," the captain said on the radio.
"Copied."
The final charter of Y/n's yachting season was about to start. She and her roommate Bobbie were standing in their cabins, changing into their polos. It was silence; they both were tired and glad this was their last charter.
Y/n was the third stew on this yacht, and Bobbie was the second stew. And you know what they say? They either love or hate each other. This time, they liked each other. However, they had a mixed relationship with their boss, the first stew: Helena.
"Last charter, girl," Bobbie said and put on perfume.
"Last charter," Y/n breathed. "Two more nights, three more days."
The entire crew made their way to the deck. They were standing in a line; Bobbie was holding the plate with the glasses of champagne, and Y/n had the plate with refreshing towels. The captain and chief stew were standing on the dock.
"It's the last one," Otis sang and did a silly dance. "The last, last, last." He was a deckhand.
Everyone laughed and danced along with him.
"I really hope the guests are chill, down to earth, not too demanding," Felix said hopefully, the engineer.
"And otherwise, we make the best of it," Bobbie said.
Six people were walking toward the yacht. The crew quickly peeked at their new guests but couldn't stare. Y/n looked at the group that had now arrived at the captain and chief stew. Her face straightened when she saw who the group was.
"Oh, my god, that is Max Verstappen," Felix whispered; the fanboy was getting exposed now.
"Who?" Otis asked.
"Max Verstappen, the Formula 1 2021 world champion," Felix said.
"I don't watch Formula 1," Otis huffed.
Eyes widened. "Is that Carlos Sainz? And Pierre Gasly?" Bobbie noticed them now.
"And Charles Leclerc," Luca said impressively, he was the bosun.
Charles Leclerc.
Y/n could feel her heartbeat rise, and her lips parted. There is no way that this is happening. Everything around her faded away for a moment. Her mind was blank. She barely knew how to stand up straight anymore, or how to breathe. The sun on her skin made her sweat even more. It is the last one, you can do it. Y/n returned to reality, cleared her throat and put her best fake smile on her face.
"Hello, welcome on board," Luca warmly smiled. "My name is Luca, I'm your bosun."
Max was the first one in the group, making clear he was the primary guest. He introduced himself to everyone and shook their hands. Kelly, his girlfriend and co-primary guest, was walking behind him. Followed by Carlos and his girlfriend, Pierre and...and Charles.
When Charles was standing in front of Y/n, their eyes met. She had not looked in those eyes for six weeks. Those blue-coloured eyes with touches of other more beautiful colours... However, the smile on his lips didn't reach his eyes. To her own experience, this moment took forever, but in reality, it was just a few seconds.
"I'm Y/n; nice to meet you," Y/n smiled. Well, she forced a smile. And it did not feel natural or convincing. She had to stay in her role. "Welcome on board. Would you like to have a refreshing towel?" She was the second to last person in the line.
Pain. She is acting like nothing happened. Charles swallowed hard. "Yes, thank you," he managed to say. He grabbed a towel and moved to the next person. He tried to listen to her words; he filtered her name: Bobbie. She offered him a glass of champagne. "Thank you, I'm Charles."
The captain was explaining a few things about the yacht. The guests were looking at Y/n, they knew her. And Y/n knew them personally. Y/n looked away from everyone, she could feel the judgy looks. Nobody knew she was here, doing this job. She went off the radar six weeks ago. They all looked back at the captain and first stew when they announced the yacht tour would begin.
Everyone but the captain and first stew walked off the boat to get the guest's luggage.
"I really cannot believe we have F1 drivers as guests," Felix cried. "I cannot believe that they shook my hand."
"Dude, chill," Otis smirked.
"I think they will be chill," Bobbie said. "They look chill and give off a relaxing vibe."
Felix grabbed a suitcase and a backpack. "Do you watch F1, Y/n?" He gave the two pieces to her.
The crew developed a thing during the season: adding Y/n's name at the end of every sentence meant for her.
"No, I don't, and I won't," she coldly replied and walked back on the boat with the luggage.
Oh, my, I can't wait for the moment they walk off this boat. She dragged the luggage down to the guest bedrooms. Everyone was so hyped to serve the drivers, but Y/n only wanted to cry.
"What is the room division?" Y/n asked Luca.
"Master is Max and Kelly, left is Carlos and Rebecca, and right is Pierre and Charles." Luca stepped toward her to check the labels. "You have Charles his luggage. You have to go to the right, Y/n."
You've got to be kidding me. "Perfect," she replied and opened the right cabin door. On the preference sheets, they requested to unpack their luggage, but Y/n knew Charles hated it when people touched his stuff. She bit her lip and placed his backpack on the chair. For a moment, she looked at it. It was just a black backpack, it was simple, and somehow she adored it a lot. "Fuck," Y/n whispered and took a deep breath. She stepped away from his suitcase and lifted it to be placed on the luggage chair. The only thing she did was open his suitcase.
"Oh, o, I'm sorry."
Y/n turned around, and she gasped for air. "My goodness, Pierre. You scared me," she whispered.
"Sorry," he whispered back. "I had no idea that you worked on a yacht now." The Frenchman entered the room. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine," she softly said. Pierre stepped towards her and gave her a hug; he was not only a good friend of Charles, but also a good friend of Y/n. "How are you?"
"Good, I'm good, now I know where my friend hangs out."
She weakly smiled.
"Is everything good in here?" Helena entered the cabin with Pierre's luggage. The fake smile appeared on her face, but she looked judgemental at her stew.
Pierre smiled. "Yes, absolutely. I was asking Bobbie to help me with unpacking my suitcase." He pointed at Y/n.
Helena slowly nodded. "Perfect. Y/n, can you help me at the bar if you're done unpacking the suitcase?" She put the accent on 'Y/n'.
It made Pierre chuckle.
"Yes, absolutely." Then Y/n realised she answered the exact same as Pierre. Helena walked away. "Bobbie? Seriously, Pierre?" She wanted to grab his suitcase, but he was first.
"Neh, neh, neh, you're not doing this. I can do it myself," he said and closed the door behind him. "You sit, I talk, you listen," he said and opened his suitcase. "And I had to say a your name wrong, I don't know you."
"Oh, god." Y/n sat down on the free chair. She looked at Pierre. An empty feeling entered her body. "I don't know if I can do it, Pierre," she hopelessly said.
"Then don't pay attention to him."
"How?" She shot back. "Did you know how hard it was to not burst into tears when I saw it were you all who came? Pierre, I'm not ready to face him yet."
"And what do you want to do now? You can't walk away, we're already sailing away."
Y/n groaned, annoyed.
"But Y/n, why did you go off the radar? I was worried."
"Yachting," Y/n simply replied. "Working my arse off." She got up; it didn't feel right to be in a room and doing nothing. "I barely have time to keep up with everything. On my breaks, I do a power nap. On days off, I'm just enjoying my free time-" She got cut off by a radio message for her. She replied straight away. "I gotta go, we will speak later."
"Yes, of course. I'm happy to see that you're doing fine, Y/n," Pierre mentioned. "This is something I do not have to worry about anymore."
Her fingers were wrapped around the doorknob, she only smiled weakly. She opened the door. "And, Pierre?"
"Yes?"
"Please don't be like shit, we can't handle more shit guests anymore," Y/n whispered and squinted her eyes.
Pierre grinned. "It really depends on how we get treated."
"Get out of here." She rolled her eyes and closed the door behind her. It did her good to see Pierre again, but it was not how she would have liked. Someone wanted to walk down the stairs when she wanted to walk up the stairs. "You go first," she politely smiled.
Charles walked down the stairs, slowly. His eyes were glued on Y/n. The salmon orange-coloured shirt highlighted her tanned skin tone. However, it seemed like she had lost some weight. His lips parted. "Sorry, I didn't know you worked here, Y/n," he whispered.
Her eyes closed for a second or two; the way how he says it will never tire me. "I...is...is everything to your liking?" If Y/n left her role to him, things would escalate.
"Yes." Charles had to switch between being informal to formal. It hurt him, but if this was what she wanted... "It's perfect."
"Perfect. If there is anything that we can do for you, please don't hesitate to say it."
"I will, thank you."
And away she went. Y/n ran up the stairs and faced Helena at the bar. "I will be back in a sec; I have to change into my work clothes," she smiled and walked to the crew mess.
The smile dropped from her face, and she stormed to her own cabin. She closed the door behind her and balled her hands into fists. "Fucking hell," she breathed and felt the tears flowing in her eyes.
--
Y/n yawned when she walked up the stairs. It was seven o'clock in the morning, and her day shift had just started. It was the second day of the last charter. She was about to check the bar, but she noticed two people outside in the lounge. I hate morning people. This is not a pleasant way to start the day.
She walked to the lounge. "Hello," Y/n smiled.
"Hello, darling," Rebecca warmly smiled.
"Good morning," Carlos smiled.
"God, you're early," Y/n softly said, breaking the character for a second, regretting it already.
Carlos smirked. "You know us."
"Yeah, that is true. Is there anything I can get you?"
"I'm fine; I'm just enjoying the sunrise," Rebecca said.
Carlos nodded. "I'm fine too."
"Perfect. If there is anything that you want, just give me a shout. Will the breakfast still be at ten?" Y/n felt uncomfortable; she was serving her friends. And it usually would not matter, but this is the top-of-the-top service she had to give.
He nodded again. When Y/n stepped away, he inhaled. "Y/n, how are you doing?"
"I'm alright, busy with work. How about you?"
"Happy to have a weekend off," Carlos answered her question.
"I had no idea you worked on a yacht now," Rebecca admitted. "Do you like it?"
Y/n looked around. Yes, her job was to entertain the guests and be polite. But to a certain point. Being personal was crossing the line. But it were her friends. However, how much would it affect her tip at the end? That was why she entered the yachting world. "Yeah, I had no idea that I would end up here," Y/n also admitted. "But you know, it's something else, and I think it's fine for now." And it is quick and much money.
"How many more days do you have left?"
"This is the last charter."
It was silence.
"Gosh, I miss you, girl. It's so hard to not act like friends," Rebecca breathed and pressed her lips into a thin line. "Because I can see how you distance yourself from us."
There goes the tip for the crew.
"I'm sorry. It's just... I don't want them to know that I know you. So I'm sorry if I act like a cold bitch, but I... They can't know," Y/n stammered and swallowed hard. "Because I want to laugh with you, talk to you like we used to, but if I do, I will get in trouble for being too personal and crossing so many lines."
Rebecca got up from the lounge. "I know, I know," she said and hugged Y/n.
"I miss you so much," Y/n whispered, hurt. "Seeing you again, makes me so happy."
"When you're finished here, we need to go out, okay?" She looked at her friend when letting go of her.
"Yes."
Felix was walking around the boat, checking if everything was looking decent. "Good morning," he said. One of the guests was sitting on the lounge, and the other was standing next to Y/n. "Is everything okay here?"
"Yes, thank you," Carlos smiled.
Y/n forced a smile on her face. "I'm talking Rebecca and Carlos through the planned schedule for today," she said to her colleague. "Everything is still going as planned." Felix nodded, satisfied and walked away. "At the picnic... I heard that more people were joining you?"
"Lando, George, Alex and Daniel are joining with their girlfriends," Rebecca mentioned. "Are you coming too, or will that not be on your service? Or do we have to ask if you will join us? You're one of us, you have to be there. This was your idea." Y/n joked about booking a yacht with a beach picnic a couple of months ago, only because she watched Below Deck.
And they actually booked it. The realisation hit Y/n. This was her idea, and she couldn't even join them. Well, on the other side. "I was one of you," Y/n replied. "And I can't join you. I am working. I won't be able to lunch with you."
"You will, we will make something up. And yes, Charles will be there. But you don't have to hug or kiss him. We will make sure you will be sitting on the complete opposite of him, yes?"
--
"I am so glad that this is the last picnic," Bobbie breathed and placed some plates on the table. "I fucking hate picnics, especially on the beach. It looks so nice when you can just sit on your butt and eat. But it is a pain in the arse when you have to make it look so nice. I mean, the sun is breaking me apart, there's sand everywhere, nothing is stable," she complained.
Y/n smiled, but bit her lip to hide it. She placed the cutlery next to the plates and only listened.
"I'm sorry for my complaining hour, but now we can talk without other people hearing it," Bobbie mumbled.
"No, no, please, share everything you want. I'll just listen," Y/n replied and softly chuckled. "Because I can only agree with you."
"And you know what I heard? Helena was talking to Otis in the crew mess - she didn't know that I was in the laundry room - and she literally said: 'Since the moment the guests have arrived, I have not heard Y/n's name once. Not once. Do they even know that we have a third stew? I am working my arse off, and she gets to do nothing.'," Bobbie dramatically said, and she looked sorry at Y/n.
Y/n stopped placing the cutlery on the table. "What? Is she serious?"
"That is what I heard..."
This could either be the truth or a lie to create drama. "I work my arse off, she is the one who does nothing. She only makes out with Otis and lets us do the work. She can kiss my arse. Whatever. Just one more day and it is over," Y/n defended herself. "I'm starting to move to the dislike side. I liked Helena at first, but she's doing weird things and blaming us for it."
"I stopped liking her after the first charter when she screwed me over by saying that the master was not cleaned yet. That was her job, it was even on the board. And suddenly, it was my job without saying shit to me," Bobbie ranted. "She can suck my dick."
The radio went off. "Bobbie and Y/n, the guests are on their way."
Bobbie grabbed her transceiver. "Perfect, thank you," she friendly said.
Y/n burst into laughter and continued putting the cutlery on the table. "You're such a snake."
"Learnt from the best," Bobbie proudly said.
"Sassy."
Fifteen minutes later, the table was all set, and the guests arrived. Bobbie quickly took a photo of the table while Y/n walked over to the tender to help the guests out of the tender.
"Thank you, Y/n," Max smiled.
She gave him a nod and helped Kelly, who was also getting help from Kelly. She was followed by Rebecca, Carlos and Pierre. Y/n looked at Charles and stuck out her hand. She could see the doubt in his eyes, but he grabbed her hand anyway. She gasped for air and saw every memory she had of him, playing in front of her eyes. And it looked like Charles had it too.
Charles looked away and jumped out of the tender into the water. "Thank you, Y/n/n," he softly said and let go of her hand.
"Anytime," she lipped and swallowed hard.
It had been just over 24 hours, and she barely had seen Charles. He was avoiding every contact moment between himself and his ex-girlfriend. Y/n noticed it, it hurt, but it was for the best. She looked down and closed her eyes; she just wanted to walk further into the sea and drown.
"The other tender is arriving, Y/n," Luca said.
Y/n opened her eyes and looked up at the bosun. "Thank you, Luca. I will let you know when they want to go back," she said and padded the tender a couple of times.
"Copied."
She waved at him when he sailed away. Her eyes fell on the other tender, and she put on another smile. Y/n stepped to it. "Welcome, everyone."
"Y/n!" Carmen excitedly said, but straightened her face right away. "Oh, my god, sorry. I don't know you," she apologised. Rebecca had asked the others to pretend not to know Y/n, only to protect her from her colleagues.
"It's okay, darling," Y/n said and smiled comfortably. Once again, she helped everyone get off the tender, and she made an agreement with their bosun. "I will call you," she mentioned. He nodded and sailed away as well.
The beach picnic started.
It was fake. Her smile was fake. Her laugh was fake. It seemed like her happiness was fake as well. Charles couldn't keep his eyes off Y/n. It was so incredibly hard to be around her. How she was pretending nothing had happened. But she probably had to do that because of her work, but still. It hurt him to see her smile at him. It hurt him how she would serve him drinks without any problem while he was freaking out on the inside.
"Is everything to your liking?" Bobbie asked and looked around.
Multiple nods and yeses were shared.
"Amazing..."
Y/n walked away from the table and let Bobbie do her thing with talking. She grabbed a bottle of water and took a sip. Her eyes were resting on the table. I should have been there as well...
...because I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend. I tried to forget him during my six weeks of yachting, but I can't stop thinking about him. I can't get over him because I am still connected to him. We were together for four years, and he was my first real love.
And we broke up because we thought it didn't work anymore.
We thought...
Stupid thought.
Seeing them all together feels like a reminder that everyone has moved on. That he had moved on. I feel ashamed of myself for feeling this way. I need to move on too. But I can't move on because Charles still occupies so much space in my head. It is really starting to annoy me and affect my life. I can't see a way to move on because every time I try to move on, he is still in my head, telling me that I'll not be happy with someone else. This terrifies me because I know it is true.
He was my first love, and he is my only love.
What am I meant to do now? I'm 24 years old, and my life feels so unfinished already. It's so difficult when everyone is moving on, and I am just stuck in the same place.
"Hello, Y/n?" Bobbie was waving in front of Y/n's eyes. "Are you here with me?"
A shock went through Y/n's body, and she looked at Bobbie. "What? Yes, why?"
"You're crying?" Bobbie squeezed her eyebrows together and looked worried. "Are you okay?"
Y/n felt her cheeks; they were wet. Her heart dropped. She dried her cheeks quickly and forced a smile on her face. "Sand in my eyes, no worries," she smiled.
"If you say so..."
"I say so." Y/n cleared her throat and looked at the table again. Her eyes got stuck on one person. Their eyes were locked. All the air got sucked out of her lungs.
Charles saw it. All of it.
Part 2
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