Your Month, Your Insult Told To Julius Caesar Due To His Alleged Homosexual Affair With Nicomedes IV

"Telephones didn't exist in Ancient Greece." What do you mean?? Odysseus literally had one.

Julius Caesar once received a graphic love letter in the Senate

According to Plutarch, when Caesar and Cato were standing and debating in the Senate chamber, a messenger showed up and gave Caesar a small note. Cato was suspicious about the note and wanted it to be read out to the assembled senators. Caesar handed the note to Cato, and when he opened the note, he discovered it contained a graphic love letter from Servilia (his maternal half-sister), detailing her passionate desires for Caesar. Embarrassed, Cato read the it aloud, then threw the letter back at Caesar, saying, "Take it, thou sot," before continuing his speech as if nothing had occurred.

Your month, your underrated Odyssey incident

January - Telemachus throwing his staff on the ground and bursting into tears

February - Antinous slamming Odysseus with a stool

March - Telemachus lamenting that the gods have forsaken him while Athena, in disguise, is right beside him

April - Odysseus hiding under sheep and behind faeces while escaping the cyclops

May - Odysseus taunting the cyclops even while he throws giant boulders at him

June - Ctesippus throwing a cow’s hoof at Odysseus

July - Nausicaa and her handmaidens washing clothes naked at the riverbank when they find Odysseus, also naked

August - Odysseus wanting to kill Eurylochus at Circe’s island

September - Peisistratus becoming an “intimate friend” of Telemachus

October - Odysseus lying to a disguised Athena, which impresses and amuses her

November - the suitors making excuses for their bad archery, with Antinous blaming it on the fact that it’s the day of Apollo’s feast

December - Penelope getting the suitors to give her gifts, delighting Odysseus by her cunning

There’s a butterfly called Morpho achilles patroclus

So, the other day, I just found out that the butterfly Morpho achilles has a subspecies called Morpho achilles patroclus. There’s also a butterfly called Morpho deidamia.

Cleopatra was once smuggled to Caesar in a bed-sack

It’s a well known story recounted by Plutarch that Cleopatra, aided by her confidant Apollodorus the Sicilian, hid herself “full-length inside a bed-sack” to elude her brother Ptolemy’s guards and gain secret access to Julius Caesar at Alexandria in 48 BC. Allegedly, Cleopatra landed at the palace when it was already dark and Apollodorus tied up the bed-sack before carrying it indoors to Caesar. Cassius Dio notes simply that Cleopatra “sent for Caesar in secret” and that he was captivated by her beauty and wit, but he omits any smuggling device. This story may be victim to Plutarch’s signature dramatisation, but it is compelling nonetheless.

Achilles and Patroclus are asteroids

There are two trojan asteroids named after Achilles and Patroclus. Discovered 22 February 1906 by Max Wolf at Heidelberg, 588 Achilles was the first-ever Jupiter trojan found. Only eight months later (17 October 1906), August Kopff discovered the Binary Trojan 617 Patroclus at Heidelberg. 

They are reunited in the stars.

I was looking up something today and two of my recent searches popped up. I think that they may perhaps be equivalent.

How do I explain that my fandom is approximately 3000 years old, my favourite characters are war criminals and Alexander the Great liked the same gay ship as me

“Your name isn’t Hermes, it’s Bore-mes. Because you bore me.”

- Apollo to Hermes (at one point, probably)

The other day I was telling someone about the Five Good Emperors of Rome. She looked at me like I was crazy and replied: “There were five of them?! I didn’t even think there was one!”