I Look Up To See His Beautiful Face.

What about the ones who don't figure it out? Do they splash around in love till someone comes along and save them? Or do they drown slowly, regretting that they fell in love? I wish we knew how deep the waters were before we decide to dive in. I wish we knew how much it hurts when you try to breathe underwater.

“Some people don’t know how to fall in love, like not knowing how to swim. They panic first when they jump in. Then they figure it out.”

— Sarah Addison Allen

𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍.

𝚄𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚕 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚐𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚍.

𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚍 𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑.

𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚑.

𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚘𝚙 𝚞𝚙 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚎,

𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚕𝚞𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜.

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜 𝚖𝚒𝚡𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖 𝚊 𝚍𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚙𝚞𝚛𝚙𝚕𝚎.

𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏.

𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚍 𝚐𝚒𝚏𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚞𝚛𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗𝚎.

𝚆𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚒 𝚕𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚢.

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎.

𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚍.

𝙸𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐.

© Moonyloonywitch

02/08/2021

9:59 pm

With a tired sigh, you tell me that life has become pointless now and that you've forgotten how it felt to be alive. You tell me you don't know where to find the next chapter of this monotonous life of yours.

I hope you find it in between your favourite book, with pages folded that remind you of how beautiful life sometimes can be.

I hope you find it the way the flowers in your homemade pots bloom late in the afternoon, spreading a faint fragrance that people will soon come to associate you with.

I hope you find it in the sweetness of the tea that you have in the mornings, just before you walk out to meet your best friend.

I hope you find it in the warmth of your blankets at night, when the moon filters in through the open window and falls on the suncatcher beside your table.

I hope you find it in the familiar tunes of your childhood songs that always adds a little bit of yellow to your eyes.

I hope you find it in the swift winds of the early winter mornings, where the steam from your cup fogs up your glasess as you sit across and smile at the little boy who claims he is Peter Pan.

I hope you find your next chapter in all the tiny nooks and corners of the world that hides the most beautiful moments that this life can come up with.

You know where to look. But you've been looking with your heart closed.

I don't know what to do with all this love in my heart now, because it was all for your and now that you've made it clear that you don't need my affection, I find it difficult to keep these feelings in the same place for fear that they may get mixed up again and instead of letting go I'll accidentally hold onto you forever.

All I ever did was either chase someone or run away from another, when the only thing I really wanted was to stay somewhere, to let my roots grow in someone's heart and be their anchor in return.

—Lilllium, from In Place Of The Mirror is a Portrait of You

I am sorry I couldn't create a safe place for you.

I am sorry I couldn't be brave enough to let you be you.

I am sorry for all the times I made you say you hate pink (we love it now).

I am sorry for trying too hard sometimes and not trying at all other times.

I am sorry that you had to face all those years alone, without someone to hold you close.

I am sorry for letting you go when I should've held onto you tighter.

I am sorry for thinking that shutting you out will make me feel like I belong somewhere, anywhere.

I am sorry for abandoning you when all you ever had was me.

But now, little one, we are here. You and I, both of us are safe in this space that I have started to call 'heart'.

Cry all you want, I'll hold you. Be fierce, be gentle, be everything that you've wanted to be. I am here and you can be you.

Sweet young child, you're safe in my hands.

And we'll be okay. I love you, and that's all that matters.

To my younger self,

I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I'm sorry that I didn't stop you from harms. I'm sorry that now you're too broken to be put together

It was never your fault. It was never your fault. It was never your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault

Golden mornings and cool sea breezes brought them together.

Playful touches turned to yearnings with depth.

Days passed and love grew.

Until one day a shadow came uninvited.

Soon enough hell broke loose.

Still they managed to find their homes in the arms of the other.

But fate is bitter and sour and cruel.

It took away the black haired boy from his lover.

And left the other to grieve forever.

But what no one saw was the rage deep in the blues.

While the golden haired burned the world alive,

fate watched in the corner scared and small.

When the Trojans took away his home, his love, what could Achilles do except grieve for Patroclus.

And his grief brought the mighty warriors to their knees.

Troy did not not lose the war. Nor did the Greek win it.

Achilles grieved for Patroclus, and soon enough the war ended.

I don't think I'll fall in love again.

Not after seeing you like this.

The most painful thing that ever happened to me was you.

You exist,

but you're not mine.

And it drives me insane in ways that I never even dared to dream.

I can't unlove you.

And I can't unsee you.

I am stuck knowing that you're out there,

but that you'll never be mine.

The only thing I can do now is sleep,

hoping I'll see you in my dreams.

I'll gladly wait for night to come,

if you'll be mine atleast in the nightmares I have at dawn.

In that unnamed hour of existence,

between the moments of night and day,

maybe I can finally call you mine.

Dreams are all that I have now.

All that which keeps me alive.

During the day and at night.

The push I need to breathe again.

Simply put I am up in the clouds.

Far from this world yet tied down to it.

Cursed rules and expectations locks my pretty feet.

Hands tied up with stupid facades.

They feed me normality.

My body doesn't like that so I return it.

All that comes from me are small whispers.

Names of cities and my favourite stories.

The bright constellations and beautiful flowers.

Perfect tea and old world libraries.

Scent of the moon and sound of the ocean.

Winter breaths and summer giggles.

Love for you and love for me.

Bleeding Gods and their sad lovers.

Deep poems and sweet music.

I am filled with the things I love.

And everytime you burn my soul,

You make a star glow.

Everytime you silence my voice,

Thunder rumbles over the mountains.

And when you think you've put me to sleep,

Think again before the moon comes out.

I may be filled with all things sweet and soft and nice.

But I've learned to fight over the years.

I'll let my wolves hunt tonight.

And they won't rest until all your dreams become nightmares.

And watch how I hold you in there forever.

A slave to your mind till the end of time.

© Moonyloonywitch

02/09/2021

Pain still lingers,

in places you left untouched.

Craving for a healing,

that never found its way to me.

No one deserves this slow death,

but I'll be lying if say I hate it.

Sweet words unspoken,

make cuts deeper than oceans.

Yet you left it that way,

knowing I'd never survive by myself.

Maybe I was wrong when I thought I loved you.

Maybe I just loved myself a little less.

© Moonyloonywitch

01/08/2021

10:50 am