I’m Going Back To Starving

I wanna tear every fat part off of my body.

Why am I like this? I know I need to lose and I just binge and eat all the sweet things even though I literally don't like sugary sweet things...

I noticed yesterday that creame colored flare jeans were looser on me than last time and I am really happy.

Same with my mom fit kinda jeans and my fave pink sweater. It is exhilarating to notice these things.

Since September wasn't my month I decided that in october i would track all my intake and everything else here.

I did fail myself and today on top of that I ate like a pig because I was consume with this hunger. So many unnecessary calories, so many things I don't even like and yet I still ate it.

I could cry, but I'm no bitch. Sure I failed and I have these silly little downs and thoughts that just push me to eat, I know in the end it will be okay. I just need to be better and forgive myself when I slip.

Therefore, october will be my month.

૮ฅ・ﻌ・აฅ OCTOBER 12

I stayed home, just like yesterday and this pressure of not putting in enough steps for me to feel comfortable was getting too much so I decided go use the treadmill and walk on it for an hour and 50 minutes. It was so good honestly, in the confinement of my own home, comfortable and quiet while I can do whatever as I walk and I don't need to look out for people I would bump into or cars that could hit me.

Sadly as much as I promised myself to eat as little as possible when mom came home, saying she bought some cookies and sweets I caved. I may have mentioned this, I am not one to crave sweet things, especially if it's sticky, full of cream and sugar. Yeah, well to my misfortune everything she brought home was notjing of sort, so I indulged. Lavender cookies, snow crescents, small piece of bundt cake and gingerbread macaroons. I could look for a basic recipe but I doupt I could calculate the correct estimate of calories.

I try not to dwell, thoughts of simply not listing these down had ran through my mind but I would be only lying to my own self.

✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧

➀ Plain black coffee 200ml - 0 cal

➁ Pickwick green tea 250ml (strawberry & lemongrass) - 0 cal

➀ Hell energy drink 250ml (lemon & ginger) - 118 cal

➁ Green apples 326g - 189 cal

➂ Eggs 130g - 186 cal

Water - 1,6l/2l

Full - 493 cal

✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧

Steps - 11781/10000 - 476 cal

Exercise - No - 0 cal

Burned - 476 cal

my current favorite pics !! 🩷🍥☁️

૮ฅ・ﻌ・აฅ OCTOBER 24 + WEEK SUMMARY

I was so absent gah daym. I binge watched trigun again then watched trigun stampede and grrr the brainrot was so real and strong (curse you knives for being so crazy and yet so appealing for my brain) and quite honestly I just didn't bother to write logs.

The whole week been really chill, mostly spent my time at home mainly because I got kinda ill...for a day lmao. After that I was just kinda tired all day so I stayed in bed, only woke up to do my nails, which took me 4 days btw because Im not a professional and I wanted it to be perfect.

So yes, I only logged my food down in the tracker and wasted away. Makes me kinda sad, kinda guilty but at the same time it is what it is.

AlsonI noticed that now it's not as hot and warm outside so my body doesn't "crave" water so I forget to drink and that's not good. It makes me hungry and bored so I often catch myself wandering in the kitchen, opening and closing the fridge door to see if my stomach wants anything other than meat, veggies and fruits. Not too big on eating carbohydrates and if I can I will avoid it even tho my body supposedly needs it. (I was a hypocrite today tho I craved rice and gave)

✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧

➁ Plain black coffee 200ml - 0 cal

➀ Pickwick green tea (lemon) 350ml - 0 cal

➁ Green apples 287g - 166 cal

➁ Eggs 106g - 152 cal

➁ Bowl of Basmati rice with tuna, corn and broccoli - 700 cal

Water - 1.6l/2l

Full - 1018 cal

✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧

Steps - 10217/10000 - 410 cal

Exercise - No - 0 cal

Burned - 420 cal

50 excuses for not eating

1. You’re not hungry

2. You don’t like that certain food

3. You ate a big breakfast and are still full.

4. You’re allergic to that food

5. You ate earlier

6. You have a sore throat

7. You’re vegetarian/vegan

8. You’re saving your hunger for a big family dinner

9. You have tooth ache

10. You have stomach cramps

11. You feel sick

12. You have a stomach ache

13. You’ll eat something later

14. You have a mouth ulcer

15. You bit your tongue and it hurts too much to eat

16. You’ll eat when you get home

17. You’ll eat when you get hungry

18. You don’t have any money to buy anything

19. Invent an illness where it hurts when you eat but when you don’t it’s fine

20. You don’t feel like eating right now

21. You just ate something

22. If you have braces say you just got them tightened and they hurt

23. You’re still full from lunch

24. You have a nut allergy

25. You don’t like that food unless it has a particular sauce/dip/dressing that isn’t there

26. You’re craving one particular food which you’ll have later

27. You ate too much earlier

29. You ate all your food and have none left

30. You can’t be bothered right now

31. You’re fasting for religious reasons

32. You ate with someone else

33. You need to finish your homework

34. You need to finish studying

35. You’re busy doing something ‘important’

36. You have an intolerance to a kind of food

37. You want to go for a run later and don’t want a full stomach

38. You forgot your lunch

39. You forgot to bring a snack with you

40. You overate earlier

41. There was a bake sale earlier and you’re stuffed

42. You’re going out to eat later

43. You ate out earlier

44. Your doctor put you on a special diet

45. Your dietitian put you on a special diet

46. You’re fasting because you have a fasting blood test soon

47. You don’t want anything right now

48. You’re taking part in a famine

49. You don’t have time to eat

50. Nothing looks appealing

Kinda back now

Mom told me I am getting super skinny 🥰🥰