Hi Luna Lovegood Would Listen To Heavy Metal And Like Fairy Folk Music In Equal Measure Goodbye

I need this expeditiously

Someone please, I beg you right a thick. I will sell you my first wait. No Im ace, so I'm not gonna sell you my first born. I aint having no children. Those things are too slimy. I don't want one.Will find something. I will sell you my kidney.I have two of those only need one of those bitches. please someone write this I beg you.

AU where in order to be able to secretly hang out with his favourite league bro, after he gets to Gotham Damian creates a second secret identity which is literally just him in a voice modulated motorcycle helmet so he can be Red Hood’s occasional sidekick without the bats knowing it’s him, except the issue is that Damian has a lot of ‘old man’ energy surrounding him. from his weirdly mature posture, his manner of speaking, to the odd knowledge he possesses that a child of his age should NOT have; when you can’t see any part of his head, theres pretty much nothing pointing towards the fact that he’s a little kid. this leads to Hood’s subordinates instantly assuming that Hood’s sidekick is not, infact, a child, but instead a very small man/somebody with some kind of dwarfism.

Jason honestly isn’t sure whether or not he should correct his men, because on one hand its kinda funny to watch Damian awkwardly interact with this group of people who clearly think he, like them, is some 30yr old geezer with a possible wife and kids at home, not to mention its a secret identity for a reason he doesn’t want to leak information for no reason-

but on the other hand they keep offering his kid brother beers and cigarettes. which.

Goon: hey man, you see the game last night? fucking wild.

Damian, spent last night letting Tim teach him how to play with Pokémon cards but doesn’t want to seem immature: …yes. i did, indeed, watch that game.

Goon 2: fucked up that that last play wasn’t called out; the bar practically rioted. hey you should come with us next week for the next game, let us buy you a beer or somthin. Hood tags along with us sometimes, should be fun!

Damian:

Jason, struggling not to laugh:

Damian:

Damian: i have prior engagements.

Goon 1: haha, let me guess, your s/o dont want you out late?

Damian:

Damian, leaning in to Jason to whisper: what… what is an ‘s/o’

Jason, coughing to cover laughter: they uh, they think you got a wife or a husband waiting for you at home.

Damian:

Damian, turning back to the goons: i… have no idea what to say right now.

Jason: *pats him on the shoulder* alright buddy, you go finish up the weapons shipment, dont worry.

Jason to the goons, after Damian leaves: recently divorced, sore subject.

the goons: *empathetic hums of understanding*

~

Goon: here man, have a drink to take home with ya *tries to pass Damian a bottle of whiskey*

Damian: um.

Damian: *slowly edging forward to hesitatingly take the bottle, for lack of knowing what else to do*

Jason, bellowing from across the warehouse: OI!

Damian: *freezes, bottle in hand*

Goon:

Damian:

Damian: *slowly, ashamed, passes the bottle back*

Jason: THATS WHAT I THOUGHT.

Goon: uhm…

~

Goon: hey, boss? why wont you let the new guy drink?

Jason:

Jason, doesn’t want to out Damian’s identity: he’s a recovering alcoholic. im his sponsor.

Goon:

~

Damian, on the way back to Jason’s apartment: Todd.

Jason: mm?

Damian: one of your men asked if i had any chiropractor reccomendations for back pain.

Jason: *bites lip*

Damian: how old do they think i AM?

Jason:

Jason: i may have implied somewhere in your fifties.

Damian:

Damian: WHY WOULD-

Jason: IT SEEMED FUNNY.

I never thought I would be proposed to by a telemarker but I guess sometimes things happen???

One second your trying to tell someone your too young for Medicare please stop calling the next they ask if your single then propose cuz your voice sounds nice? Only for it to end with them flirting for 10 minutes while trying to arrange a date from half way across the country.

I can't wait for when all the trolls and hardcore memers get real ass jobs and suddenly the industry itself is just vine references and trolling you and the president unironicly uses the word yeet in a speech about terrorists and the world is just chaos

Nothing can make a nerd feel like a god more then finishing the first game of thrones book in 2 day while also studying for 3 finals and writing a term paper all at once

I cant tell if I've gone week or it the antidepressants finally worked and I can feel feelings again cuz tell me why epic the musical made me cry and not one of the sad songs no the damn ending

Update on my earbuds being quicky and only registering base so I'm listening to corpse... The song fuk u lol sounds rEaLy wEiRd and somewhat Demønic as The only thing I hear is him glitching in and out screaming fuck you- secondly anytime someone else is singing all I hear is the screaming in the background... Suffice to say I know know a good way to scare the cowardly and superstitious just play corpse music with only the base~

I did a thing for art class the original is Salome by Alphonse Muslim

Reposting this so I can find it when brain stops

some fucking resources for all ur writing fuckin needs

* body language masterlist

* a translator that doesn’t eat ass like google translate does

* a reverse dictionary for when ur brain freezes

* 550 words to say instead of fuckin said

* 638 character traits for when ur brain freezes again

* some more body language help

(hope this helps some ppl)

I keep seeing stuff of the batfam thinking jay is a hallucination or having hallucinations of him before he comes back and I have no idea where this comes from but I need more of it in my life

But especially with dick actually hallucinating like as a person who does hallucinate and deals with it by rationalizing it away i need more of this

And tip for anyone who likes to write fics about this there are a bunch of different hallucination types that all come in a wide range from feeling like there's a bug crawling on you or seeing something in the shadows, or in the corner of your eye to having a full on interaction with another human being it's a it's broad range

you know… we talk a fuck ton about Dick seeing Jason and assuming he’s a hallucination, but like. what about Red Hood? Jason accidentally fucks up and the first time Dick meets Red Hood it’s when Jason’s out of the helmet, and instead of realising that the Red Hood is Jason Todd and Jason Todd is alive, he figures that not only is he hallucinating a grown up Jason, but he’s hallucinating that Jason is a murdering crime lord that doesn’t exist.

Dick doesn’t think Red Hood’s real. Jason thinks that Dick’s letting the crime shit slide as like… a peace offering between brothers. Dick straight up doesn’t realise that the crimes are actually happening.

Dick: well seems like things are pretty peaceful tonight… better head home

local radio station: according to reports the Red Hood of Crime Alley has been involved in a fear toxin drug bust down by the docks that has ended in the deaths of fifty-three men-

Dick: ha, nice try brain. i’m not getting involved with fake villains tonight!

Oracle in his ear: dude people are dying

Dick: STOP GASLIGHTING ME

he’s in the cave and Bruce is discussing a case with Tim and Tim’s talking about how they can’t get the information they need because every time they get close to Crime Alley they’re chased out and Dick’s like ?? lmfao skill issue how the fuck is Batman getting run out of Crime Alley

Bruce: well because of how serious the problems we’ve been having with Hood are-

Dick: if it’s that hard just don’t have a hood on your costume? geez man i can get you the info from Crime Alley no need for a fashion freak out

Bruce and Tim: ????

but bcs Dick doesn’t acknowledge Red Hood as an issue Jason is kind of like ‘……ok so fuck the bats for real, but Nightwing’s chill. we rockin w Dick bcs Dick rockin w us.’ so Nightwing can wander through the alley without any issue. him and Red Hood have a calm chat while Nightwing collects the info Bruce needs and then he waves goodbye like ‘well it was nice seeing you again fake-criminal-jay! you should join me for dinner next weekend it makes me feel less stupid for talking to myself when i can see you!’ and Red Hood’s waving back as he leaves like ‘well i could probably drop by for a few hours around six- wait wdym fake?’

Dick, wandering into the cave with the info: seriously you guys are so weird, i didn’t even see anybody the entire time i was there

Bruce and Tim, have been watching him on cctv joking with the Red Hood for the past three hours: ?!?!?!?!?

I was forced to paint over my witchcraft...the not because my very christian parents fingered out it was witchcraft no no no but because we're moving and they don't want someone to mistake there precious child's pritty symbols as satanic.

Because obviously there lovely little gremlin could never do something like that.....

.....