Narcissa: Hey Severus, Do You Have Any Hobbies?

Important!!

I was wondering should I make it so they have more children than just harry? Like in Harry's timeline sev is either pregnant with teddy or he just had teddy? If some of you have played Hogwarts mystery then you about Chiara should she be one of their kids? Id make her the eldest because Hogwarts mystery timeline is during Harry's baby years. She would also be sev and moony's bio baby like how harry is sev and James's bio baby but then I think what about Sirius? He didn't have any children that I could make his and sev's so should I keep the Hogwarts mystery theme going and make Merula their child? Or do 'jacobs sibling' and have a y/n child? Harry is going to be the main child because he's the only one that traveled back in time, if I do that they'll have 4 kids Chiara (sev and moony's), Merula or y/n (sev and Sirius') (they'd probably be a year apart or maybe twins) harry (sev and James') and than teddy (sev and Remus') . Thoughts? I was thinking about it because I while writing,I thought about harry just randomly saying "*random sibling* would like this or they like that" and shocking them that they had more then just harry and so each have their own kid with sev (not that they love the other ones any less) let me know what you all think!

ScatterPatter incorrect quotes generator

Sirius: What time is it?

Remus: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out

Remus: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Severus: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Remus: It’s 2 am

*******************************

Remus: Severus, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!

Severus: Well of course I have.

Severus: Have you ever tried going mad without power?

Severus: It's boring.

******************************

Remus: What is your biggest weakness?

Severus: I can be uncooperative.

Remus: Okay, can you give me an example?

Severus: No.

*****************************

Severus, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!

James: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

****************************

Remus: WHY. why did you give Sirius a KNIFE?!

Severus: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe.

Remus: Now I feel unsafe!

Severus: I’m sorry.

Severus: ... would you like a knife?

***************************

Sirius: Hey, Remus? Can I get some dating advice?

Remus: Just because I’m with Severus doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

**************************

Severus: sirius and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Remus: *Sighing* What did Sirius do?

Severus: he chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Sirius: Who wants a steering wheel?

*************************

Severus, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Remus, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids

Sirius: what the fuck are you guys doing?

Severus: playing systemic oppression

************************

Severus: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.

Remus: You were flirting with Sirius.

Severus: So what? He's my boyfriend.

Remus: You asked him if he was single.

Severus:

Remus: And then you cried when he said he wasn't.

***********************

*Severus is cooking*

Remus: Any chance that’s for me?

Severus: It’s for James. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need him on my side.

Sirius: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

**********************

James: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Remus: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Sirius?

Sirius: Probably “road work ahead”.

Severus: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

*********************

Severus: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Remus: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Sirius: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

James: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

********************

Severus: Why is Remus so sad?

Sirius: he took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Severus: And...?

Sirius: he got James.

*******************

Severus: You wanna see how hardcore I am?

Severus: *punches wall*

Severus:

Severus: Take me to the hospital.

******************

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Severus*

Severus: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

*****************

Severus, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball!

****************

Severus: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

***************

Severus, about Remus: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Sirius: Are we stealing them?

James: New or used?

Severus: Wonderful responses, both of you.

**************

Severus: *Screams*

Remus: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Sirius: Should we do something?

James: No, I want to see who wins.

*************

Severus, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Remus, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Sirius, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

James, trembling: What are we playing

************

Severus: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Remus: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Sirius: I got distracted about halfway through.

James: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

***********

Severus: Tonight, one of you will betray us.

Remus: Is it me, Severus?

Severus: No, it’s not you.

Sirius: Is it me, Severus?

Severus: It’s not you either.

James: Is it me, Severus?

Severus:

Severus, mockingly: Is IT mE Severus?

**********

Sirius: Why are Severus and Remus sitting with their backs to each other?

James: They had a fight.

Sirius: Then why are they holding hands?

James: They get sad when they fight.

*********

Severus: Dammit, Remus!

Remus: What?! It wasn’t me!

Severus: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Sirius!

Sirius: Not me either.

Severus: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

James: *whistles*

********

James, banging on the door: Severus! Open up!

Severus: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

Sirius: No, he meant-

Remus: Let him finish.

*******

James: Everyone, synchronize your watches.

Remus: I don’t know how to do that.

Sirius: I don’t wear a watch.

Severus: Time is a construct.

******

Severus: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Remus: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Severus: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING SIRIUS WITH ME

James, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

*****

Severus: Remus, I'm sad.

Remus: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay.

Sirius: James, I'm sad.

James, nodding: mood.

****

Severus: Listen, I can explain...

Remus: You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000?

Sirius: You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000!

James: You guys are getting paid?

***

Severus: I just ended a four year relationship.

Remus: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

Severus: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.

*Sirius and James fighting from across the room*

**

Sirius: Truth or dare?

Remus: Dare

Sirius: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room

Remus: Hey James

James, blushing: Yeah?

Remus: Could you move? I’m trying to get to Severus

*

Sirius: Yo is James sleeping or dead?

Severus: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts.

Remus: Yeah, so did I.

James: Okay first of all, fuck you-

Eddie: A theif.

Buck: Thief?

Eddie: Theif.

Buck: I before E, except after C.

Buck: Thceif.

Eddie: No.

More incorrect quotes

{With some, they will be out of character}

**************************************

Regulus: What do you think Severus will do for a distraction?

Lucius: he’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Lucius: ... or he could do that.

**************************************

Regulus: Why are you on the floor?

Severus: I'm depressed.

Severus: Also I was stabbed, can you get Lucius, please.

*************************************

Lucius: Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology.

Severus, amazed: Wow...

Regulus, to Severus: Well what does that mean?

Severus: I don't know.

Severus, to Lucius: What does that mean?

************************************

Lucius: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Severus: I'm a knife.

Regulus, from across the room: He's the little spoon.

***********************************

Regulus: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Severus: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Lucius: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

**********************************

Lucius: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Regulus: The car takes a screenshot.

Severus: For the last time, get the fuck out.

*********************************

Sirius: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Severus does? I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?

Remus: If Severus were to jump off a cliff, he would’ve done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Severus jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Sirius: You jump off a cliff!

Remus: Gladly. Provided Severus did first.

********************************

Sirius: I told Severus his ears flush when he lie's.

Remus: Why?

Sirius: Look.

Sirius: Hey Severus! Do you love us?

Severus, covering his ears: No.

Remus:

*******************************

Sirius: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Severus: The cow???

Sirius: What?

Remus: Severus, W H Y?

******************************

Sirius, at a restaurant: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing.

Severus: Okay

Waiter: Can I get you guys anything to drink?

Sirius: Orange soda, please!

Severus: I'll have the strawberry soda.

Remus: Me too, strawberry soda.

Sirius:

*****************************

Sirius, driving Severus and Remus: So how was your day?

Severus: We almost got surprise adopted!

Sirius: What?

Remus: We almost got kidnapped.

Sirius: Oh, okay.

Sirius: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

****************************

Severus, texting Sirius: Sirius! Help I’m being kidnapped

Remus: Where are you?

Severus: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help.

Sirius: I’ll call Remus.

Remus, answering their cell: Y’ello?

Sirius: Where’s Severus? He texted me that he was being kidnapped.

Remus: Severus? Whaddya mean, he's right next to me-

Remus:

Remus: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*

Remus: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD!

Severus: WHO ARE YOU?!

***************************

Severus, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him

Sirius: You did WHAT–

Remus: William Snakepeare

**************************

*The squad is having dinner together*

Sirius: Remus, can you pass the salt?

Remus: *Throws Severus across the table*

*************************

Sirius: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

Severus: How am I supposed to know?

Remus: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.

Severus: *sighs*

Severus: You wouldn't be trapped.

************************

Severus: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Remus: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Severus: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Sirius: edible

***********************

Sirius: Hah! 69! You know what that means?

Remus: What?

Severus: That you're a child.

James: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?

**********************

Severus: Care for another sundae, weenie?

Remus: I am not a weenie!

James: Relax, you’re among friends. *raises his drink*

Remus: My friends don’t hang out at Weenie Hut Jr’s.

Sirius: You tell ‘em, Remus! *sips their drink*

Remus: Sirius, what’re you doing here?

Sirius: I’m always here on Double Weenie Wednesdays.

*********************

Severus: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Remus:

James:

Sirius:

Everyone Else At Severus’s Surprise Birthday Party:

Remus: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

********************

Lucius: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Severus: 'Prettiest Smile'

Regulus: 'Nicest Personality'

James: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Sirius: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

*******************

Sirius: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??

Severus: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

******************

Severus: ...This is one of those moments where it doesn't really matter what I have to say, isn't it?

*****************

Regulus: This is horrible! This is the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me!

Severus: Oh-? Even more humiliating than-

Regulus: We are not doing this!

****************

Lucius: Come on Severus, do it for our friendship. You can't put a price on that...

Severus: Yes I can, dear. Fifty Galleons.

***************

Professor: Your child was in a fight.

Remus: Oh no, that’s terrible!

Severus: Did they win?

**************

Severus: I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I'm under.

*************

Severus: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me.

Remus: But did I make you cry?

Severus: *cries on the spot*

Remus: ...Shit.

************

Severus: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

***********

Remus: Are you really planning to shoot the demon?

Severus: Don't worry, it's a holy gun.

Remus: How so?

Severus: It makes holes.

**********

*James holding their baby*

Severus: Oh God, I can’t believe one of us actually has one of these.

Sirius: I know, I still am one of these.

*********

Severus: Some people are like slinkies.

Remus: What?

Severus: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

Remus:

Remus: Please don't push James down the stairs.

Severus, pushing James down the stairs: Too late.

********

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Severus: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

*******

Sirius: Guys, I didn’t memorize my lines!

Severus: Just use your lack of common sense! Everyone knows the characters in plays are dumb as fuck!

*During the play*

James: Hey! You finally made it! Did you get the donuts?

Sirius: W-what’re donuts?

******

Sirius: Let me copy your homework.

James: I was gonna copy yours.

Sirius: Well, shit.

James: Guess I'm not doing it.

*****

Severus: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!

Lucius: It's kind of complicated, but Regulus-

Severus: Got it. Forget I asked.

Severus: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.

Regulus: Throw rocks at he.

Sirius: Hot Dogs.

Remus: Kill him.

Severus: Thanks guys.

****

James: I want to kiss you.

Severus, not paying attention: What?

James: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

***

James: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?

Severus: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

**

Sirius: Severus, my old friend!

Severus: I think you tried to kill me at some point.

Sirius: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.

*

I'm gonna start posting one quote at a time instead of doing this

This time I used

perchance.org

Incorrect Quote Generator

Just some lgbtq+ positivity/solidarity memes

Narcissa: Do you think you’d actually notice if someone didn’t cast a shadow? Or if their limbs were just slightly too long? Or if they had just a little too many teeth? like how many times have you passed Something on the street and you just didn’t Notice It?

Severus: Stay woke monsterfuckers ur love is out there!!!!!

Narcissa: Yknow what? Not my point at all in any way whatsoever, but I’m glad I could be an inspiration.

OK nvm-- I think severus use they/them pronouns in the prompts because of the generated prompts used they/them

Sorry your ask disappeared for me but I finally found, yes the generator uses they/them but I think in the quotes and some side stories (bc I think of them in modern au) Severus will use he/they but in my main story I'll keep it he/him just so it's a little easier for me while I'm writing

Severus: Don't ask me what I'm talking about. I don't know, okay? I'm just the vessel. The message has been gifted. I've moved on.

Regulus, watching Severus & Bellatrix panic : What's going on?

Lucius: Severus is having a midlife crisis and Bellatrix is just having a crisis.

Severus: And what do I get out of this?

Lucius: I will give you a galleon.

Severus:: What do you think I am? A chump? I would never do it for a galleon!

Lucius: How bout two galleons?

Severus: You got yourself a deal.