Eddie: A Theif.

Sad Bois (Tʖ̯T)

ScatterPatter incorrect quotes generator

Sirius: What time is it?

Remus: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out

Remus: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Severus: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Remus: It’s 2 am

*******************************

Remus: Severus, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!

Severus: Well of course I have.

Severus: Have you ever tried going mad without power?

Severus: It's boring.

******************************

Remus: What is your biggest weakness?

Severus: I can be uncooperative.

Remus: Okay, can you give me an example?

Severus: No.

*****************************

Severus, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!

James: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

****************************

Remus: WHY. why did you give Sirius a KNIFE?!

Severus: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe.

Remus: Now I feel unsafe!

Severus: I’m sorry.

Severus: ... would you like a knife?

***************************

Sirius: Hey, Remus? Can I get some dating advice?

Remus: Just because I’m with Severus doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

**************************

Severus: sirius and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Remus: *Sighing* What did Sirius do?

Severus: he chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Sirius: Who wants a steering wheel?

*************************

Severus, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Remus, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids

Sirius: what the fuck are you guys doing?

Severus: playing systemic oppression

************************

Severus: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.

Remus: You were flirting with Sirius.

Severus: So what? He's my boyfriend.

Remus: You asked him if he was single.

Severus:

Remus: And then you cried when he said he wasn't.

***********************

*Severus is cooking*

Remus: Any chance that’s for me?

Severus: It’s for James. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need him on my side.

Sirius: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

**********************

James: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Remus: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Sirius?

Sirius: Probably “road work ahead”.

Severus: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

*********************

Severus: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Remus: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Sirius: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

James: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

********************

Severus: Why is Remus so sad?

Sirius: he took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Severus: And...?

Sirius: he got James.

*******************

Severus: You wanna see how hardcore I am?

Severus: *punches wall*

Severus:

Severus: Take me to the hospital.

******************

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Severus*

Severus: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

*****************

Severus, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball!

****************

Severus: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

***************

Severus, about Remus: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Sirius: Are we stealing them?

James: New or used?

Severus: Wonderful responses, both of you.

**************

Severus: *Screams*

Remus: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Sirius: Should we do something?

James: No, I want to see who wins.

*************

Severus, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Remus, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Sirius, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

James, trembling: What are we playing

************

Severus: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Remus: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Sirius: I got distracted about halfway through.

James: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

***********

Severus: Tonight, one of you will betray us.

Remus: Is it me, Severus?

Severus: No, it’s not you.

Sirius: Is it me, Severus?

Severus: It’s not you either.

James: Is it me, Severus?

Severus:

Severus, mockingly: Is IT mE Severus?

**********

Sirius: Why are Severus and Remus sitting with their backs to each other?

James: They had a fight.

Sirius: Then why are they holding hands?

James: They get sad when they fight.

*********

Severus: Dammit, Remus!

Remus: What?! It wasn’t me!

Severus: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Sirius!

Sirius: Not me either.

Severus: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

James: *whistles*

********

James, banging on the door: Severus! Open up!

Severus: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

Sirius: No, he meant-

Remus: Let him finish.

*******

James: Everyone, synchronize your watches.

Remus: I don’t know how to do that.

Sirius: I don’t wear a watch.

Severus: Time is a construct.

******

Severus: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Remus: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Severus: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING SIRIUS WITH ME

James, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

*****

Severus: Remus, I'm sad.

Remus: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay.

Sirius: James, I'm sad.

James, nodding: mood.

****

Severus: Listen, I can explain...

Remus: You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000?

Sirius: You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000!

James: You guys are getting paid?

***

Severus: I just ended a four year relationship.

Remus: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

Severus: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.

*Sirius and James fighting from across the room*

**

Sirius: Truth or dare?

Remus: Dare

Sirius: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room

Remus: Hey James

James, blushing: Yeah?

Remus: Could you move? I’m trying to get to Severus

*

Sirius: Yo is James sleeping or dead?

Severus: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts.

Remus: Yeah, so did I.

James: Okay first of all, fuck you-

Alright! Chapter one is done and up! The title is 'Severus Snape, Harry Potter and the annoying gryffindor's' (I couldn't think of a good title) anyway here's the link (please give me feedback)

Y'all remember that post of me wanting a sev x marauders baby harry time travel au? Yeah I'm making that shit now it's gonna be on ao3 I've already got most of chapter one done. It's set in their 4th year so shit's salvageable, I might make other fic's tied to it like a before and after, I really wanna make the playlist into fic's so I'll be adding that.

¿Would anyone read it?

Lucius: How the hell are you still alive?

Severus: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are.

Narcissa: Severus...

Severus: Oh no, 'Severus' in b-flat.

Severus: You're disappointed.

Severus: I think my guardian angel drinks.

I sorta wish I knew this when I was a kid. Reblog to save a life.

IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video

Severus: I'm bored.

Lily: Wanna commit first degree murder?

Severus: Sure!

Remus, hearing them: No- Stop, don't do that! Put that knife down! Put James down!!

Severus: Lily! My face is on fire!

Lily: Severus! Are you ok?!

Severus: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.

Lily: But your face is on fire.

Severus: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.