The Whole Point Of A Zine Is That It's Cheap To Produce, Amateur And Homemade. If You're Being Asked

The Very Basics of Not Killing Your Computer

AVOID HEAT STRESS

If you have a laptop DO NOT use it on a soft surface like a pillow or on a blanket, it’ll block the vents on your computer and make it get really fucking hot inside.

If you have a desktop you gotta open it up and blow out the dust sometimes.

If you are moving your laptop in a bag turn the laptop off. Don’t put it to sleep, don’t just shut the screen, turn it off, because otherwise it’s in the bag generating heat and there’s nowhere for the heat to go in the bag. OFF. Not sleep. OFF.

DO NOT DROP

Okay I know that should be obvious but drop damage to your hard drive is bad bad news. Be as careful as you can to set your computer gently on flat surfaces; don’t leave it hanging out on a bed where it can get knocked off, don’t set it on the roof of your car. And yes, just dropping it a couple inches can kill your hard drive or totally shatter your screen.

DON’T PUT SHIT ON YOUR KEYBOARD

Look I’ve seen four people ruin their laptops because they had a pen on the keyboard and closed the laptop and it fucked up the screen and the keyboard and it sucks so much and you feel awful after it happens because it’s so avoidable just don’t put things on your keyboard and always check that your laptop is clear before you close it.

PROTECT YOUR PORTS ON YOUR LAPTOP

You’ve only got one power jack and a limited number of other inputs on your computer and if they detach from the motherboard you’re fucked. USB ports get damaged because people use them a lot and eventually it weakens the connection and then they just stop working and it sucks. You can get around this with USB ports by using a USB hub to connect things like your keyboard and mouse.

For your power plug you just gotta be careful. Avoid tripping over the cord at all costs, don’t yank the plug out of the computer. It will SUCK VERY MUCH A LOT if you have to buy a new computer because the power port lost contact with the motherboard.

Don’t move your computer with things plugged into it. Take the power cord off before you put your laptop in the bag, take out the USB mouse dongle, do not travel with little nubby bits sticking out of your computer that can easily get caught or get tweaked or snap off inside of the thing.

(I really can’t emphasize enough that most of the “it will cost more than it’s worth to fix this” laptops I see are because of USB ports and power jacks. People don’t seem to know that this isn’t something that can be fixed easily; a broken power jack is a “remove the motherboard and resoldier components” job, not a “plug a new one in in fifteen minutes” job and most computer repair shops aren’t going to solder things for you and if they DO it’s going to be very expensive)

RESTART YOUR SHIT AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH AND JUST LET THE FUCKING UPDATES RUN

You should probably restart more than once a month but whatever. This is actually something that I consider part of reducing heat stress because when your processor is straining to keep up with all the background bullshit that’s running from a program you opened three weeks ago it’s going to use up resources and get hot and look just restart it once in a while.

Also the updates are almost always okay and safe and generally running updates is a good and secure thing to do (though maybe follow a blog dedicated to the OS you run because if there IS a problem with the updates that blog will probably talk about it before the update gets forced on your computer)

ANTIVIRUS BULLSHIT

Yes you should probably be running an antivirus.

Sophos is free and it’s fine. But don’t pay for it - if you’re using Sophos use the free version.

If you’re looking for something paid and a little more comprehensive I recommend ESET - get the cheap version, renewals cost less than the initial purchase, and feel free to get a multi-year version, the credentials follow your email not the computer so if your computer dies before your license expires you can install the license on a new computer.

DO NOT INSTALL NORTON OR MCAFEE THEY ARE EXPENSIVE BULLSHIT. Kaspersky is whatever. It’s less bullshit than Norton or McAfee but not as good as ESET for about the same cost.

If you think you’ve got a virus run the free version of Malwarebytes and get your shit cleaned.

KEEP LIQUIDS THE FUCK AWAY FROM YOUR COMPUTER

Again this should be obvious and yet. But seriously, just make a rule for yourself that drinks aren’t allowed on the same table as your computer and you’ll save yourself a lot of headaches.

PLUG YOUR COMPUTER INTO A UPS

Okay I fucking hate amazon but here’s a thing you should be using, just search the rest of the internet for “surge protector/UPS” and you’ll find something that isn’t from amazon - APC is a solid brand for this.

Basically you want a fat surge protector that has a little bit of a battery backup and you want to plug your computer (desktop OR laptop) into that instead of into the wall. The benefit of this is twofold:

1) if there’s a power surge the UPS will prevent your computer’s power supply from getting fried and possibly frying parts of your motherboard

2) if there’s a power outage and you’re *at* your computer you’ll have enough time to save what you’re working on before your computer loses power (like, you’ll maybe only have a minute or two on a small UPS but that’s still time to hit CTRL+S and keep from losing work)

At a bare, bare minimum your computer should be plugged into a surge protector but NOT directly into the wall.

BACK YOUR SHIT UP

[we interrupt this yelling for me to tell you that Western Digital has apparently released their new My Passport line and I’m obligated to inform you that you can get a 2.5″ USB 3.0 backup drive with FIVE FUCKING TERABYTES OF STORAGE for $130. Or you can get 4TB for $93. Or you can get 1TB for $53. basically what I’m saying is that it is not only cheap computer season it is also cheap hard drive season.]

[also if you’re getting a backup drive get western digital not seagate seagate fucking sucks and has a much higher failure rate]

Uh, okay, anyway - Do an image backup of your computer every once in a while so that if you get infected or your hard drive dies or whatever you can just restore from backup and move on like nothing happened.

HERE’S HOW TO DO AN IMAGE BACKUP.

SAVE YOURSELF THE WEAR AND TEAR

You know what is cheap? USB Keyboards and USB mice. You know what is not cheap? Fixing the touchpad on a laptop or replacing a laptop keyboard.

Get yourself a USB hub, a USB Keyboard and a USB Mouse (wired or wireless, doesn’t matter) and if you’re using your laptop at home plug *that* into your computer.

Also if your keyboard on your laptop breaks it’s fine just to use a USB keyboard instead I promise; if the screen breaks it’s also usually cheaper and easier to get a used or inexpensive monitor than it is to replace the screen. Your laptop is basically just a very small version of whatever bullshit is going on inside a desktop, if the peripherals break but the core components are fine you can just use it like a desktop.

Unless it’s a piece of shit that doesn’t have any USB ports or video out in which case you got ripped off, friend, demand functionality in your devices I’m sorry.

/rant

How to create an atmosphere: Supermarket

Sight

advertisements for products

big signs showing discounts

aisles full of colorful products

fresh produce

employees in matching uniforms

all different kinds of costumers

with shopping carts

with children running around

with a stroller or toddlers sitting in the shopping cart

with a service dog by their side

Hearing

the sound of shopping carts being pushed and bumping into shelves

parents calling for their children

people talking on the phone

a man asking his wife if they still have enough toilet paper at home

someone asking the employee where they can find something

music interrupted by announcements about promotions the store is doing

the surring and beeping sound of the cash register belt

the sound of the electronic doors opening and shutting again

Touch

the stickiness of the floors

the differents textures of each item they think about buying

the coldness and often stickiness of the handle of the shopping cart

the sudden wetness from some products that are either fresh produce or where the package is leaking

Smell

the smell of spilled drinks that someone dropped and left for the employees to clean up

the smell of cleaning products from them having to sweep it up

the smell of hand sanitizer

the smell of different products the costumer holds up to their face and smells to decide if they like it

the horrendous smell of deposit machines where you return your not quite empty beer bottles to and the leftover liquid spills everywhere

Taste

different samples offered at the supermarket

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anyway just a reminder for the myth lovers out there

king arthur was welsh. merlin was welsh. camelot was in wales. the lady and the lake she pops out of; welsh. excalibur; magic inanimate welsh object. etc.

on the way to see family, i drive past a lake that in which is welsh legend, is the last resting place of excalibur.

i’m just saying in my experience a lot of these legends had been so anglo-fied in the past and it’s like, all this cool shit is celtic welsh legend.

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you're welcome

I needed this drag. Let’s change guys and not look back

Super detailed character profile chart

Character Name:

First Name:

Last Name:

Nickname (if any):

Basic Information:

Age:

Gender:

Date of Birth:

Place of Birth:

Nationality:

Physical Appearance:

Height:

Weight:

Build:

Hair Color:

Eye Color:

Scars or distinguishing marks:

Personality Traits:

Positive Traits:

Negative Traits:

Background and History:

Family Background:

Parents:

Siblings (if any):

Childhood:

Education:

School/College/University:

Major/Area of Study:

Favorite Subjects:

Least Favorite Subjects:

Career/Profession:

Current Occupation:

Previous Jobs (if any):

Career Goals:

Hobbies and Interests:

Hobbies:

Interests:

Relationships:

Marital Status:

Romantic Relationships (if any):

Friendships:

Closest Friends:

Relationship dynamics:

Strengths and Weaknesses:

Strengths:

Weaknesses:

Goals and Ambitions:

Short-term Goals:

Long-term Goals:

Fears and Insecurities:

Common Fears:

Insecurities:

Quirks and Habits:

Quirks:

Habits:

Beliefs and Values:

Religious or Spiritual Beliefs:

Moral Code:

Political Views:

Favorites:

Favorite Foods:

Favorite Books:

Favorite Movies/TV Shows:

Favorite Music:

Favorite Color:

Dislikes:

Disliked Foods:

Disliked Activities:

Pet Peeves:

Miscellaneous:

Talents or Skills:

Secrets (if any):

Motivations:

What drives the character forward?

What are their ultimate aspirations?

Character Arc:

How does the character change or evolve throughout the story?

Feel free to adapt and expand upon this template!

Things that will make your computer meaningfully faster:

Replacing a HDD with an SSD

Adding RAM

Graphics cards if you're nasty

Uninstalling resource hogs like Norton or McAfee (if you're using Windows then the built-in Windows Security is perfectly fine; if you're using a mac consider bitdefender as a free antivirus or eset as a less resource intensive paid option)

Customizing what runs on startup for your computer

Things that are likely to make internet browsing specifically meaningfully faster:

Installing firefox and setting it up with ublock origin

adding the Auto Tab Discard extension to firefox to sleep unused tabs so that they aren't constantly reloading

Closing some fucking tabs bud I'm sorry I know it hurts I'm guilty of this too

Things that will make your computer faster if you are actually having a problem:

Running malwarebytes and shutting down any malicious programs it finds.

Correcting disk utilization errors

Things that will make your computer superficially faster and may slightly improve your user experience temporarily:

Clearing cache and cookies on your browser

Restarting the computer

Changing your screen resolution

Uninstalling unused browser extensions

Things that do not actually make your computer faster:

Deleting files

Registry cleaners

Defragging your drive

Passively wishing that your computer was faster instead of actually just adding more fucking RAM.

This post is brought to you by the lady with the 7-year-old laptop that she refuses to leave overnight for us to run scans on or take apart so that we can put RAM in it and who insists on coming by for 30-minute visits hoping we can make her computer faster.

I got a laptop with Windows 11 for an IT course so I can get certified, and doing the first time device set-up for it made me want to commit unspeakable violence

Windows 11 should not exist, no one should use it for any reason, it puts ads in the file explorer and has made it so file searches are also web searches and this cannot be turned off except through registry editing. Whoever is responsible for those decisions should be killed, full stop.

Switch to linux, it's free and it's good.

Why the Protagonist Must Be a Problem-solver

In some ways, this post's topic sounds obvious, in others . . . not so much. On the surface, the tip seems simple, and yet, it is easily and often overlooked.

Your protagonist must be a problem-solver.

Yup. 

A problem-solver.

I don't care if she's the laziest, most passive, most dimwitted person on the planet, within the context of the plot, she must be a problem-solver (even if a reluctant one).

Otherwise, she'll feel like a weak character.

Otherwise, the plot will feel weak.

Of course, I'm sure you can find rare exceptions to this.

But 99% of the time, your protagonist needs to be a problem-solver.

So let's talk about why.

Why it's Important for The Character

Imagine a protagonist who doesn't problem-solve. She encounters the antagonist, reacts emotionally, but doesn't do anything to try to win the conflict, or at least gain the upper hand of the conflict. She won't be interesting for very long. It's hard to care about what happens to her, when she's putting no effort in to resolve it, when she doesn't care enough to try to fix it herself. It may start to feel like she's stuck in a loop--just circling the same internal responses over and over again, never really progressing, never really moving on.

Sometimes writers mistakenly think this makes her more sympathetic, but in reality, as counterintuitive as it may sound, the opposite is true. Audiences lose interest or become annoyed.

We've all met people who talk, and whine, and fume about their problems but don't do anything to better their situation. We may feel sorry for them at first, but eventually, we want them to take action to improve their predicament. Often we may even find ourselves giving advice (or in some cases, doing the problem-solving work for them).

We feel the same way about characters.

Your protagonist doesn't need to be the next Sherlock Holmes or Violet Baudelaire to be a "problem-solver."

At the most basic level, what this means is that when she encounters an antagonistic force (a problem), she's coming up with--or perhaps shifting--goals and plans (however big or small, or grand or modest), and taking action to try to make those a reality.

If she's not doing that, she's probably too passive in the plot and not exercising enough agency. The story is happening to her, but she's not doing anything to make the story happen. She's not influencing the direction of the story.

When the protagonist is the one coming up with goals and plans, and implementing them, the audience becomes more invested in her. They want to stick around to see if she's successful. She also now holds some accountability over what happens--the consequences--and that actually makes her more interesting and more sympathetic. What happens, good or bad, is on her. She holds responsibility. 

If your protagonist isn't problem-solving, it may be a sign that her wants aren't strong enough. Solid stories will showcase the protagonist's deepest desires (however big or small, or grand or modest), what she would sacrifice almost anything to obtain, avoid, or maintain. If the right desire is in jeopardy, the protagonist should naturally be driven to problem-solve. Characters with strong wants are more compelling. And in reality, we all have powerful wants we house deep within our hearts. 

Great stories will test and challenge the deep desires of the protagonist's heart. And if that's not happening, you likely haven't figured out your protagonist's deepest desires or you need to alter the character so that she desires what she desires more deeply. Don't settle on something she kinda wants. Find what she'd be tempted to sacrifice her life for--literally or figuratively (meaning her current lifestyle). What does she want to obtain, avoid, or maintain bad enough, that she'd consider doing things she wouldn't ordinarily do? That's the kind of want you should showcase--whether it be obtaining recognition as employee of the month, avoiding responsibility by taking on a new identity, or maintaining control by offing all rebels.

It's usually helpful to focus on an abstract want--obtain recognition, avoid responsibility, maintain control--that can then manifest into various concrete goals. Most people aren't going to give their "lives" to become "employee of the month," but many have gone to such lengths to obtain recognition; becoming employee of the month is just one way to obtain that. So even if the goal seems modest on the surface, tie it to a deep abstract want. (A bit of a tangent, but it's useful, so I left it in here 😉)

When the protagonist is problem-solving, it conveys to the audience what she cares about. If the rebels are increasing in power, and she doesn't do anything about it, then obviously she doesn't really care about being in control very much. That's not a deep desire of her heart. So we need the protagonist to problem-solve to help convey character.

And finally, if she's not struggling to overcome (problem-solving), she's probably not growing through a character arc. She's stagnant. She's not changing her worldview as she strives for success, nor is she wielding her beliefs, growing in resolve. This can make any attempt at an internal plotline feel repetitive or nonexistent, because the character isn't progressing on an internal journey. She's just stuck in the same spot.

Why It's Important for the Plot

Solid stories will showcase the protagonist's deepest desires, and even if those desires are abstract (obtain recognition, avoid responsibility, maintain control), if the character wants them bad enough, they will manifest into concrete goals (employee of the month, new identity, off the rebels) that have specific plans (show up on time to work, move to a new city, locate the rebels' base).

So the protagonist has a goal. The antagonist opposes the goal.

And since there should be an antagonist for nearly every scene, this means there are problems in nearly every scene.

If the protagonist isn't trying to solve those problems, by adjusting his goals and plans, then it's likely the plot isn't properly progressing. Like I mentioned with the internal journey above, the external journey probably feels repetitive, or in some ways nonexistent. It's just circling the same situation over and over, in the toilet bowl.

If you find yourself arguing against this, then it's likely because another character is the one doing most of the problem-solving, in which case, it's also highly likely that character is the true protagonist, and your "protagonist" is really more of a viewpoint character spectating the external plotline.

The plot needs conflict in order to progress properly. If the antagonist shows up, and the protagonist allows himself to just get beaten, it's not strong conflict. Sure, stuff is happening, but if the antagonist is hammering him to the ground without his resistance, it's not much of a conflict. It's passive victimization. And while that might work in a scene or two, it's not going to hold for a whole story, or even a whole act.

A passive victim isn't a problem-solving protagonist. Obviously.

So, suffice it to say, your protagonist needs to be a problem-solver.

Good alternatives to generative AI that allow you to represent yourself without supporting corporate art theft

Picrew and other dress up games.

F2u bases.

Heroforge tabletop minifigure maker

Ponytowns avatar customization feature

Certain roblox games.

Emuferal, an emulator of the shutdown game fer.al

Or draw, your art doesn't have to be good to represent you!

Commission someone (if you have the money)

Please feel free to add to this list.