Emily, Having A Rampage : SAY THAT AGAIN-

Emily : If I ever opened up to you, I was just joking

Morgan, minding is business at 7am :

Rossi : You shouldn't use a straw.

Luke : Yes I know, it's bad for the environment blabla.

Rossi : Mostly yes. But right now, it's because it's siCK TO EAT SPAGHETTI LIKE THAT.

Morgan : Emily, could you pass the salt ?

Emily : Morgan, could you pass away ?

Hotch : ONE. DINNER. WHY IS IT SO HARD.

Reid : I kind of want to be kissed. But I also kind of want to be stabbed.

Emily : Once my baby was being annoying so I put it in the basement.

Emily : Then I forgot about it and decided that I didn't want a basement anymore, so I got rid of the door and decided that I will do the rest later. When child protective services came, they couldn't go in the basement, so they just chilled around in my house.

Therapist :

JJ, facepalm : She's talking about the Sims, please don't call the police.

Garcia : I'm not delusional, I'm simply manifesting my own reality

JJ : Emily, you can't do that, it's against the law !

Emily, doing it anyway : I AM THE LAW !

JJ : Damn what made you like this ?

Emily : When I get doordash I order 20 cheeseburgers at a time and heat them up throughout the week so that I don't have to pay the delivery fee multiple times

Hotch : I hope you understand how food poisoning works

Emily : And I hope food poisoning knows how I work because I never met a burger I couldn't eat.

Emily : Don't worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve

Reid : You mean cards ?

Emily, slowly sliding a knife out of her sleeve : No, I do not.

Reid : Remember when "A series of unfortunate events" was a book series and not my life ? Because I don't.