Latest Posts by cheeze545 - Page 13

having some neck pain and fatigue and immediately jumped to the conclusion I have encephalitis so I drew a clock and yeah I think I’m fine actually false alarm everyone

big bang theory is awful for obvious reasons but honestly shout out to them for inventing “bazinga” so i have a word i can drop into any conversation for a one-hit kill

Will Wood music is so good it’s like. I’m at a jazz show. I’m at a rock concert. I’m disassociating. I’m hyper aware of how my body looks. I hate modern society. Can’t we go back to the 50s? Wait the 50s sucked too. I’m a vampire. I’m a werewolf. I’m incapable of love. I have so much love to give. What’s my gender anyway? I am at a skeleton swing party in an animated film.

what if you wore a shirt that featured a picture of you trying to claw your way out of the shirt with a horrid desperate expression and the text "THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME I'M TRAPPED IN THE SHIRT"

honey, I was thinking that we could spice things up in the bedroom by turning the heat off and pretending to be gold prospectors in the Yukon during winter who have to have sex to avoid freezing to death. how does that sound, babe?

When I was 3 years old I went to a preschool that had this little green crocheted crocodile finger puppet that was my absolute favorite toy to play with of all time. I named her Chelsea, because Chelsea starts with C and crocodile starts with C and more often than not wild animals in fiction aimed at kids have names that start with the same first letter as their species. I played with Chelsea every day, because she was my favorite toy, and because the other kids weren't really interested in her, and also because I eventually started to hide her in a special secret spot in the room so no one else would find her before I did. She was so beloved by me that when I graduated from preschool, my teachers gave Chelsea to me permanently, because it was clear no one else would ever love that little crochet crocodile as much as me anyway (in part because I hid her). They waited a few weeks after I graduated before doing it, too, and sent Chelsea with some post cards as if the crocodile had been on a whirlwind "travel the world" vacation before deciding to come live with me.

And Chelsea remained my favorite toy all through my childhood. There were others I loved nearly as much, like my Imperial Godzilla and the big red T.rex from the first Jurassic Park toy line and my tiny knockoff plush Charmander, but Chelsea always held the place of honor in my heart. She was my absolute favorite toy.

I kept a lot of my favorite toys through adolescence, even if social pressure eventually got me to give away a lot of them (and some, y'know, broke). That's obviously not surprising to you if you've followed my blog, since I still collect toys into my adulthood. But it's important to note because while I know I made a conscious effort to never throw out Chelsea every time I pared down my collection... at some point, she went missing.

I became aware of it when I graduated from high school. I was feeling really emotional about leaving that stage of my life and, y'know, becoming an adult and shit, and in that state I decided to find Chelsea to reassure myself that I hadn't entirely left childhood behind. But Chelsea wasn't there. No matter how hard I looked, I could not find Chelsea anyway.

And that was, like, devastating, because the only explanation was that somehow, at some point, I had accidentally tossed her out with some other "childhood junk" while trying to grow up and be responsible in my teen years. I had literally thrown away my childhood in a careless attempt to be more grown up.

Of course I knew she was just a toy - nothing more than some yarn twisted together in the loose shape of a crocodile, lifeless and soul-less and more or less worthless in the objective light of day. But she was also Chelsea, my best friend since i was three, my stalwart little pal, a source of comfort for most of my life at that point, and I had just... tossed her out! Like garbage! What kind of person was I becoming if I could do that to my best friend?

I was very visibly distraught, and my mom noticed. Being very crafty, she tried to find the pattern for Chelsea so she could knit me a new one. The problem is, she had no idea where to find said pattern. She checked all her books of crochet patterns, and when that failed she tried the internet, but no matter how hard she looked, she found nothing.

So my mom found the next best thing.

The original Chelsea was a tiny finger puppet, and I had "met" her when I was three. Well, I was eighteen now - shouldn't Chelsea have grown too? And as has been established, this crocodile was fond of whirlwind vacations. My mom found a pattern that looked as much like Chelsea as possible while also being a much bigger crocodile, and gifted her to me before I left for college - to show that while we can't stop the flow of time or how it changes us, that doesn't mean we have to leave it behind.

And yeah, I decided to believe it. That's Chelsea now. Yeah, I know that in reality it's a completely different set of yarn made by my mom rather than... whoever it was that crocheted the original Chelsea, but then, Chelsea was never really the yarn. She was the feelings I put into the yarn, you know? So that's Chelsea, all grown up, and still my most prized toy.

...

Flash forward... Jesus, eighteen years, holy shit. A few weeks ago I saw a post trying to identify a different crochet crocodile pattern, and thinking it was cute, I decided to try and look for it on ebay and etsy, just to see if maybe I could find it. I didn't, but do you know what I found instead?

A very familiar crochet crocodile finger puppet. An intensely familiar one, you might say. Of course I bought it. And of course I asked the seller if, perhaps, they might have the pattern for it or know where it came from (they did not, alas). And after a few days, she showed up at my house.

She's not Chelsea, obviously. For one thing, she's far too clean and fresh looking - Chelsea was very well loved, and looked the part, while this crocodile finger puppet has definitely not endured years upon years of a child's affection. And, more importantly, she's not Chelsea because we've already established that Chelsea grew up into a bigger crochet crocodile. This has to be Chelsea's younger sister, Cici.

And if I could find another of Chelsea's kind after all these years, then maybe, with a bit of luck, I might find the pattern for her, and be able to make more of them. Fill the world with Chelseas.

Internet vernacular has completely altered what some words and expressions mean to me. Forevermore, I will hear the words "hear me out" will only and exclusively as "before you cast your judgements prematurely, please pause and allow me to explain how and why I should be allowed to fuck this thing".

straight people are so fascinating even when they aren't actively trying to be homophobic. I had a class a few years ago where one assignment was to summarize some eighth century arabic poetry about going out for drinks with the lads before indulging in some gay sex and like half the class came in and said "I'm sorry idk what was happening in this one, they mention having sex with a servant but they also say the servant's a man? where'd the woman come from? I'm so confused." and a few days ago in a shakespeare class I made a comment about how cleopatra and octavius caesar are kind of parallel characters in possessively bartering for mark antony's attention and one of my classmates responded as though I'd been talking about octavia and not caesar, despite the fact that I said "caesar" and "him" multiple times while describing the actions he specifically took. fully incapable of comprehending of anything that's even a little bit gay.

there is no greater joy on this earth than Making Lists, Categorizing, & Sorting

and on April 13th, 2006, niel banged out the tunes, and it was good

do men have resting bitch faces as well or do they not have negative characteristics ascribed to them for putting on a neutral rather than a deliriously happy facial expression

saying “i want him” about the character but not in a romantic or sexual way . i just Require him i need to Obtain him

I just know that the dudes who make those "girls get 500 compliments a day vs. guy gets one compliment once and cherishes it for the rest of his life" memes put zero effort into their appearance. Like what exactly do you expect people to say? Wow nice plain ill-fitting hoodie, goes great with your basic-ass blue jeans and nondescript haircut. Got some real cool Grey Man vibes going on, you could seamlessly blend into any crowd ever without being seen at all.

Like nobody has any obligation to look any certain way, but you can't expect to be praised for doing something you're not even trying to do. I dress like I got tarred and feathered in a Tim Burton film costume department discard scrap pile, and someone saying they like my style is a biweekly occurrence.

my job in the comune will be to fuck your mom

'ao3 needs a like and dislike button'

what you need, my algorithm-rotten minded friend, is a grip

I want to keep House and Wilson in a jar like fireflies

this is perhaps evil but I can boost my mood in almost any situation by playing a game called "what was my mom doing at this age?" like rn for instance I'm sleepy because I had a 12 hour work day + stayed up late, and my stomach hurts a little from the enormous chimichanga I smashed for dinner, and my head hurts a little bit from the fat margaritas I had with the chimichanga. and it's like hmm, okay, not optimal, but when my mom was this age she had a 2.5 year old to deal with. can you fucking imagine. can't stay in bed decadently bemoaning your overindulgences because there's a goblin in the next room that's utterly dependent on you for food and hygiene and social needs and if you drop the ball you've fucked up a perfectly good person. and I'm pretty normal so shout out to her for keeping it together but god that couldn't be me, I like fucking around way too much.

let me get this straight-

wilson really just wants to be friends, like genuinely, with all these women, THEY'RE the ones who initiate it, and sex with him is about THEIR pleasure. not that anything is wrong with that, but for a 'straight' man, that's usually.... not true. the closet doesn't even have glass, it's fucking broken.

*opens the oven after preheating to 400*

getting really into journaling is so fucked because you will fr end up with pages like "dear diary, it's fucken wimdy today!!!!! also I might be a talentless hack with no real creative drive or discipline to speak of. xoxo ✨"

if you're on instagram get off that thing and go outside

if you're on tumblr hold fast and keep scrolling soldier

The team would have an lgbt+ patient and Cameron would start a discussion about it and everyone would be like "ehh maybe idk if i would ever experiment like that" (except chase. That man was partying with dominatrixs in college, he exprimented). And then someone would mention House and Foreman would laugh and go "House doesn't have a gay bone in his body".

And House sees this as a challenge.

So he goes nextdoor and drags Wilson into the room and kisses him. In front of everyone. Poor Wilson is just confused, like unable to speak because hes so shocked type of confused. And Foreman would go "Please, you only did that because I mentioned something. It doesn't count,"

And for the rest of the episode House would do various things to try and prove to his team that, yes he is in fact fruity a little bit and poor Wilson is just along for the ride until House realizes "oh shit I don't think this is a joke anymore" and just ignores that revelation for the next few episodes until he's forced to deal with it

If you're a single issue feminist and you want to raise your son to respect women but you also use authoritarian parenting, you're pretty much guaranteeing that your son will be sexist. You're pretty much guaranteeing that your son will think being sexist is siding with the resistance, which is a common piece of propaganda that sexists use.

If you deny any struggles that he has and you expect him to care about women's struggles, you're pretty much guaranteeing that he will see feminism as women getting special treatment.

If you demand that he respect women and also demand that he respect authority, and if you call it "disrespect" when he yells at you in direct response to you yelling at him first, then you're pretty much guaranteeing that he won't take complaints of "disrespect" seriously.

If you rule with an iron fist and make him afraid of you, you're pretty much guaranteeing that he won't respect anyone who can't make him afraid of them, and the vast majority of women who he disrespects are not going to be able to make him afraid.

If you want him to question society's harmful attitudes against women, you also have to raise him to question society's harmful attitudes that benefit you. This includes society's harmful attitudes against children.

I want my gay rights now! - Marsha P. Johnson (NYC Pride Parade, 1973)