She Bodying On My Temple Till I Hot Damn!

*wrinkles nose* shouldnt you be repressing that

i cant even blame house for falling in love with wilson at first sight. i did too.

Since the name I was going to use for my solo music career, Will Wood, is already taken by some nobody with a ukulele, I’ve decided I will start releasing music under the pseudonym Paul Penis. Keep your ears open everyone, check your Spotifys for Paul Penis, big things are coming from future hit indie musician Paul Penis.

The sole purpose of DOGE is misinformation and disinformation.

having some neck pain and fatigue and immediately jumped to the conclusion I have encephalitis so I drew a clock and yeah I think I’m fine actually false alarm everyone

Internet vernacular has completely altered what some words and expressions mean to me. Forevermore, I will hear the words "hear me out" will only and exclusively as "before you cast your judgements prematurely, please pause and allow me to explain how and why I should be allowed to fuck this thing".

i can't stand these new fountain machines they dispense watered down piss

Inspiration by @ bluebescuits （ins）

Lying to someone about how risky something is to make it seem safer than it is because you know they wouldn't do it if they knew it was dangerous: Shitty. Evil. Unforgivable.

Lying to someone about how risky something is to make it seem more dangerous than it is because you know they'd love the thrill of danger while you know you're actually perfectly safe: Actually that's hilarious. Fun for everybody involved.