He Just Don’t Use It That Much

my preview for the din zine!!!👌🏽😭👌🏽✨

me: here’s a list of fictional characters i want to bone

my gf: this in no way diminishes my attraction to you. here’s my own list

me: 

MAA THERE’S A WEIRD FUCKIN STRAY CAT OUTSIDE

Whoever did this is probably a vriska kin

havin’ a shower with ur lover more like..

BAEthing

Please explain how to make Nelson the Frog Bread, it's important

I have gotten multiple questions regarding how to make The Boy. It’s my duty to answer them. Before I begin, please keep in mind that this is not my recipe! I have to credit the blog ‘The Fresh Loaf’ for posting about this recipe in 2005, of all years. My resolution in 2020 is to bring more animal-shaped loaves into the world, and this bread recipe is a good place to start.

A) Making Dough for The Boy

This dough recipe is pretty simple. I am not an experienced breadmaker by any means, so this is a good place to start if you’re dipping your toe into the breadmaking world. 

You’ll need:

6 cups unbleached flour

2 teaspoons salt

2 teaspoons yeast

¼ cup sugar

2 cups lukewarm milk

¼ - ½ cup water

1) Mix together the dry ingredients.

2) Mix in the water and milk until everything has formed a doughy ball.

3) Turn the dough onto a floured surface and knead. That. Boy! Ten minutes of kneading should do.

B) Let The Boy Nap

Being born is hard for The Boy. So, tuck him in for a nap! 

1) Oil a bowl and place the dough inside it before covering the bowl in plastic wrap and leaving your new friend to rest for about 90 minutes in a warm place.

C) Shaping The Boy

Once your friend has rested, it’s time to shape them! 

1) Take about half of your dough and shape it into a large ball. Then, use your hands to guide the end of the dough into a point, forming a sort of teardrop shape. This is the base of your Boy!

2) Take the second half of your dough and separate it into two balls. Then, take one of these balls and cut it in half, squishing it to the side of the large ‘body’ shaped ball you’ve already made. Those are your friend’s legs!

3) With the remaining dough, make four larger balls and two smaller balls. The smaller balls will be the eyes, which you can place immediately on the ‘body’ shaped ball of dough. With the other four balls, use a knife to make three slits in each ball- these make your friend’s feet! Stick those onto your ‘body’ ball and you have the base for your frog!

D) Detailing The Boy

This step is totally optional, but if you’d like, give your new buddy a smile by carving a curved line in the front of the ‘body’ ball. To add some fun detail, you can even push raisins into the dough to give it spots, add detail to the eyes, or even to give it spooky teeth! The world’s your oyster! Make your new friend exactly you want them to look like.

E) Another Nap For The Boy

You heard me right! Cover your new friend in a towel once you’re satisfied with how they look and let them rise in a warm place for another hour.

F) Baking The Boy

1) Preheat your oven to 350 Degrees Celsius.

2) Spruce your friend up by beating an egg and brushing them with it before baking.

3) Place your friend in the oven for about 45 minutes, but keep your eye on them! These loaves of bread look like they’re burning quite often, but unless you actually SMELL burning, don’t worry. They tend to have very dark and crispy exteriors.

G) Enjoy The Boy!

You’ve reached the end of this process with a new and delicious friend based off of Nelson the Bread Frog! Name them whatever you like, and please send me pictures and tell me if they taste good! 

If you’d like the full process on how to make a frog like Nelson + pictures, please go directly to The Fresh Loaf with this link here: http://www.thefreshloaf.com/recipes/frogbread

I hope you enjoy this simple breadmaking process and discover a new hobby in the process! Thank you for loving Nelson so much! 

Attention

I may not have taken the effort to re-type this caption from an Instagram post I just made, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t apply. A lot of us have had bad years, but it’s important that we don’t loose hope in the next one. It may be painful to try to continue in this harsh world, but we must stay strong and muscle through the shit to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you have had a good day, and have a happy 2019 everybody.

Gillette really made an ad that told men “don’t be a dickhead cause society allows you to, be a good example of what a man should be.” And men turned around a said “bUt WHat iF I wANna bE a PieCe oF sHiT, fUcK oFf sPeciAL SNOwFlAkes”