Incredible

i dont want this.

why it is that i have the worst timing. im saying this because currently im falling for you and i don’t know what to do because i don’t want this. im not saying that i don’t want you of course i do it’s just that i know this isn’t gonna work. im sorry that im so negative it’s just that i always screw things up and these relationship stuff never works out with me. im too clingy, i need attention or else i overthink and think you don’t want me anymore, or that im just too emotional and that im a total mess. but i can’t help myself, im just constantly falling when i see you, when you talk to me, and when you show the slightest affection towards me. i never expected to fall for someone like this again. you’re there for me when i need it, you’re the one person right now that i truly trust and has been always there for me. and i don’t know what im gonna do when that time comes and you leave and i never see you again. i don’t want that time to come but it is and there’s no way of avoiding it because it’s gonna happen. maybe in months, weeks, or maybe in a few days but that day will come that we’ll be strangers again. unless you feel that this can work and that you’ll do everything you can to keep this relationship we have. that you won’t care that im an emotional mess, or that i overthink. you’re simply gonna fall for me as much as i fell for you.

i fell

im falling because you pushed me, and im mad because you’re so damn adorable. you had to tell me im beautiful and tell me that you want me. you made me fall for you. but are you gonna catch me?

the answer to that is yes. you’re going to be there whenever i need someone, you’re gonna be there at my darkest times, i know that because over the past few weeks of us getting to know each other you’ve shown me that you are gonna catch me..

~c.e

list of things I want to be:

mysterious

angelic

enigmatic

ethereal

boisterous

list of things I am:

introverted

tired

sleepy

confused

unproductive

artist workspace

some flowers I painted !!

M O O D +

exhausted

im tired of people assuming somethings about me, sure it may be a bit true but it isn’t the whole truth.

im tired of people telling me what to do or think, i dont need your opinion and please just let me do what i want to do and what i think is right. if you don’t agree that’s your own opinion and im not stopping you, i just don’t give a sht.

but what im most tired of is the people in i considered my ‘friends’, i ask for your help yet all that ends up happening is you judge the way i think or do things. so please if you can’t handle me then just please leave im totally okay with not having you as my ‘friend’

emotional night

i begin to think about how lonely nights have felt. im beginning to drown in my own thoughts on how physically im not lonely, i have family and friends who i know love me. but im emotionally lonely, i feel as if im gonna feel this loneliness till the end. it’s frightening because i know is one of the possible outcomes of my life.