Hihi Caramel My Wonderful Mootie!

Distraction from progress

I've been having some time off from my spring cleaning and "new life" due to some family issues. Sucks, since all I want to do is feel that fresh and giddy happiness I get when I realize I'm so close. I'm not going to talk about what has been happening specifically, but I do need to spend a lot of time with my family.

Will this be how all distractions feel in my new life? All dragging and somehow hopeless for me? Who knows- all I can do is hope that this doesn't last long. I've got plans with friends tomorrow and the day after, though- so I guess I'll need to fit more of my new life into that.

Just trying to feel better right now, not doing too well though :/

<3 Caramel

Same me, new plans

Woke up today and ate some leftover pizza from the fridge. It always feels so greasy and never makes me feel okay. My grandma was already going to drop off lunch for me but I guess I have no self-control.

Always thinking of an idealistic life where I can live like the rest of the put-together asian kids you'd see in a k or c-drama, I can't really get myself in the moment now. But during the occasional moment of clarity in the present that I have every so often, I can see that I'm pretty much in shambles.

I should be exercising, cleaning my room, wearing nicer clothing, studying for school- why do I load myself up with APs even though I never do homework? I'll never know. I guess I like to live out some aspects of my dream life while neglecting others.

I want to get out of this greasy failure life and live out my dreams as someone who's put together and productive.

I've been feeling incredibly homesick for the past three weeks. Maybe it's the ten-hour school days, the unfamiliarity of turning 18, or the gloom of a snowless winter-- there's no telling.

Food doesn't taste good anymore, every room is too silent or too loud, and even waking up feeling rested seems like a distant memory.

I miss the french toast from the bakery I grew up in. I miss my mom's food. I miss my dog. I miss my boyfriend.

Why does it all feel so distant even though it's just an hour away?

Time for pie

Studying with my friend Julia ♡

Nothing beats a tiramisu to keep tiredness at bay

Lunchtime

Little effort, little give

I ended up cleaning up most of the floor and a couple corners of my room. It's really, really, messy. Tomorrow's Monday, and that's when March break officially starts- so maybe I'll be able to wake up early and clean up my bed and desk area? Hopefully my closet can be cleaned out too.

After thinking for a while, I've decided to pack all the stuff I'd like to keep and bring into my future room into boxes as if I were moving- it'll keep me minimal and I think it'll really help.

For now, though- I haven't even been able to find a box to put my things into. Instead, I'm using garbage bags.

Not too much of a looker. But once my room's done, I swear everything will look great! That's right- I'm hopeful for once. So hopeful, in fact, that I've drawn out a little plan for what my room will look like- hopefully by the end of the break!

A big goal to be finished in a week and a half- I hope it all end well.

It's pretty late right now, so while I'm so focused on turning my life around, I'll be fixing my sleep schedule too. My grades are next!

<3 Caramel

Challenging anyone who can draw to draw these hand poses

Dinner after an exhausting day

The plants by my windowsill, named Mari and Twoey. Hopefully the recent warm weather is nicer for them.