I Really Need A Hug.

I picked up a green tea from the convenience store today.

Honest, I didn't even need it— I could just as easily have boiled water and made the tea myself, but at that time, I'd been out for so long that it felt pointless to return home with nothing.

Ha... It feels a little pathetic, but at least I'll wake up tomorrow a little less exhausted.

UR SO CUTE I LOVE YOU MORE MWAH MWAH

Omg....

After a boring day studying at home, I got taiyaki from the nice lady outside the supermarket, and drew a little bit.

...does it count as vent art when the picture is happy? I feel like all my stress art looks sweet and unbothered.

But in reality, I'm so stressed, my last exam is tomorrow... (⁠´⁠；⁠ω⁠；⁠｀⁠) Don't cry yet, please..!

A possible turnaround

Though it’s been a while since I’ve started my new room project, I’ve surprisingly faced no burnout so far. It seems like life’s being suspiciously nice to me, which gets me a bit on edge- but I’ll do my best to enjoy it while I can.

My parents have approved of my drawings for my room plan, thankfully. That’s a greenlight for me to continue to clean up completely motivated! And even though I can’t exactly feel it on account of some amount of emotional numbness, I do prefer the kind of energy I’m getting from this than anything I’ve felt before. It’s just a happy feeling, out of the blue, unprompted. I no longer want to do nothing, sink into the ground, or cry- I just want to continue and smile?

It feels good to make progress on accomplishing my dream! I’ve also made a custom search engine for myself earlier today- just to fit my dream as well.

Usually I’d show it to my friends, but if they ask why, “I’m trying to change my entire personality and life” doesn’t exactly sound swell from the other end. No worries though- they’ll know a completely different person by the end of this!

I’m off to clean, I’ll make another post later! 

<3 Caramel

Not sure if this helps but I don't really believe that knowing we'll die in the end changes anything.

Do you listen to a song just because it ends?

Do you read a book just to close the cover in a few days?

Look, I'm no fully grown adult with a grip on life or a real job or anything, but I'm a bit of a believer in just trying to make the best of things while we're here. The time limit isn't really the end goal per se, but it's something to give our lives value.

What's the point in living forever anyways? With an ~80 year lifespan, these days matter!

Or at least, that's what I believe in theory. Might want to consult @aletheia-mou for more thoughts on life, since I've kind of reached a point in this line of thought that satisfied my need for knowledge in this area.

Hang in there<3

Caramel

☆ Meaningless? ☆

What's the meaning of life? I need an answer--not something along the lines of "it's all about self-discovery!" Discovering one's life is part of the journey, but if that's all there is to life, I don't want any part of it. If it's truly the case, then I discovered that my life is full of wrath and meaningless things. I use too much oxygen and produce too much carbon dioxide. My presence is negative even on an environmental level. My life is all about academics I swear. Although I love academia, it kinda sucks that I am 2 dimensional outside of school. Why should I even pity myself? Maybe everything happens for a reason. I'm gonna die anyway sooner or later.

I hope it's sooner rather than later.

(o´∀`o)

Your blog and photography are beautiful! I really love looking through and seeing how you spend your days.

-💤💖

!!! Omg thank you so much TT

This was really encouraging! I'll keep posting pretty pictures, okay? Thank you, I love you!!

Hiiii you're back! Missed you <3

Oh my goodness Mari!! I missed you so much too (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

Glad to be back!!

When I lose my extra weight and get a work habit and rearrange my room and get energy and work more it's over for everybody

:(((((

I'm in denial

Scrambled eggs

God, I wonder what kind of life I could have if I could just motivate myself normally. Maybe I'd have more integrity, having enough courage to tell the truth sometimes. Maybe my grades would be straight hundreds. Maybe I'd already have a proper job.

Looking at studying guides like this makes me kind of believe I can work hard and work focused - and maybe, I can. I guess I'm moving onto my "getting in character" part of my new life, and that excites me like nothing else! I really hope I can get this done.

I'm tight for time right now, though, so for now I'll just keep this image posted here to save it for myself later.

<3 Caramel