I Miss It Already

Not sure if this helps but I don't really believe that knowing we'll die in the end changes anything.

Do you listen to a song just because it ends?

Do you read a book just to close the cover in a few days?

Look, I'm no fully grown adult with a grip on life or a real job or anything, but I'm a bit of a believer in just trying to make the best of things while we're here. The time limit isn't really the end goal per se, but it's something to give our lives value.

What's the point in living forever anyways? With an ~80 year lifespan, these days matter!

Or at least, that's what I believe in theory. Might want to consult @aletheia-mou for more thoughts on life, since I've kind of reached a point in this line of thought that satisfied my need for knowledge in this area.

Hang in there<3

Caramel

☆ Meaningless? ☆

What's the meaning of life? I need an answer--not something along the lines of "it's all about self-discovery!" Discovering one's life is part of the journey, but if that's all there is to life, I don't want any part of it. If it's truly the case, then I discovered that my life is full of wrath and meaningless things. I use too much oxygen and produce too much carbon dioxide. My presence is negative even on an environmental level. My life is all about academics I swear. Although I love academia, it kinda sucks that I am 2 dimensional outside of school. Why should I even pity myself? Maybe everything happens for a reason. I'm gonna die anyway sooner or later.

I hope it's sooner rather than later.

(o´∀`o)

Pacing

I've got to get myself into order. Instead of having manic highs and depressive lows every couple weeks, I should really be balancing out whatever I'm feeling instead.

Been feeling not too great the past and pretty confused for the past while due to trying to make sense of social stuff but honestly today I'm feeling a little better

Also today I feel halfway okay about my appearance so I'm pretty glad about that

Wondering how summer school's going to be on monday

Caramel

look upon your sins

Need your favourite vegetable

And thoughts on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)

carrot

kinda based

can i come over and play for 10000 years

They think I'm busy and enigmatic and unavailable but I just can't control myself and keep eating foods that give me digestive issues

Late dinner after a long day

Good food bought for a discount at the end of the day. The nice lady running the shop gave me an extra box for free, too! ♪ヽ(´▽｀)/^

I took this photo a while ago, but I only came across it in my photo gallery today. I decided it'd be fun to post before I studied :)

Valentine's Day - 1

Sen and I went out today. He's really good at arcade games for some reason, so we went to play Taiko and some air hockey! His score in Taiko was insane... I guess that's why 王(king) is a radical in his name. Meanwhile, I'm named after some silly artsy things...

Nvm it didn't fit in the car so it's coming next week TT

I'm really done with my broken bed though so I'm thinking of just moving it out and getting the little mattress/futon

Results?!

Starting to see some changes in daily life once I decided to finally crack down and improve whatever feckless dance around life I was trying to do.

Finally getting a new bed for the first time in my life, I'm giddy with excitement since I no longer have to have a broken, splintering woodframe that catches on my hair and makes me want to cut it off. Big win!!

Time to happy clean I guess, today is good :)

<3 Caramel

Cleaned up my room— it seems like everyone is enjoying it ☆☆☆

Personal stuff and organization

This is the first blog style post I've made in a while, huh?

I've recently gotten a lot more organized since I've gotten a bed with storage underneath. This one's from Ikea, so it'll be really nice quality compared to what I've had before.

Plans for the summer consist of three summer courses, organizing my things, and planning a project I've been referring to as Project A. Originally, my family was planning to go to Disneyland in the US during the summer- but the economy really sucks right now so we need to cut down on our spending a lot- so we're thankfully going to be spending less.

Sometimes it feels like my sister and I are the ones mose scared of the way my mum handles money- we get that she grew up without much and is now feeling a lot more safe about spending, but it seems impossible to convince her that we don't need to spend money to be happy. God, why are financial problems so complicated? This really sucks :/

I'm glad that we're not going all that far, though, since for one, we're finally cutting down on our spending for trips and excess items and meals, and second of all, we're just not going out too much anymore. Perfect for a homebody like myself with a ton of projects to do over the summer, right?

On the topic of projects, I feel like I've been latching onto Project A so tightly because it seems like the one dream I have that actually feels possible and that I'd be extremely happy with. Not going to talk abou it much on this blog until I'm sure I'm going to be doing it, though.

Another "project" of mine is basically to pretend to be that one Chinese kid that's on top of things and productive- you know, the colour-coded candy-powered note-taking kid with all the highlighters and gel pens.

I've actually gotten some more progress on that dream, too- having sorted together all my paper, binders, and letter writing materials to slip into one of my bed drawers.

Looking pretty good- almost like I've got this little itty-bitty part of my life organized.

My mood's been really rocky as of recent- not like I'm feeling sour all the time but mood swings are definitely what's been up lately. Sucks, really, but I'll get over it. Social issues and miscommunication is what's been bothering me, but I think I'm at the end of that tunnel now as far as I can see.

Thankfully, I've gotten some really great friends that are absolutely wonderful to me and really just sweet.

I'll be okay.

<3Caramel