Millionth Time’s The Charm!!

hi

hi markus

3:35AM and Project A

I hope my short term manic obsessions aren't just my brain compensating for a ton of social problems I have

Because I think they're actually pretty cool sometimes and I'm actually planning to put my most recent obsession into action and I hope I hope I hope this is for real this could make me so happy but. I don't know.

For the record, though, I'm done being left at the mall bc people forget I'm with them

So maybe my problems are bc I get clingy to people who I shouldn't be

It's really late, though, so I'll be heading to bed for now, with sweet, sweet thoughts of my project!! :)))

<333 Caramel

New life, new motivations??

I feel like a new person. I don’t know what the mental switch was, but I really do feel like someone completely different. For the first time in so, so, long, today I got the urge to exercise! I’m saying goodbye to lying on the floor and never wanting to get up for the rest of my life, goodbye to my horrid self-isolation and unmotivated slugging around. I feel like I’ve stumbled upon something wonderful!

And even though I’m not living in my dream room or wearing my dream clothing, or even have dream grades- I feel so much better just living as a different person, crossing over through lives from a saggy, depressing one to a completely new and bright one! I couldn’t be happier for my personality of smoke and mirrors- after practicing, I can convince even myself that I have likes and dislikes now. I’ve started to enjoy actually doing things, and have been making myself a whole heck of a lot happier meanwhile.

After measuring myself, I can tell that I’ve definitely gained some weight from my prime. No worries, though- now that I’ve started working out again, and am enjoying it, I’m sure I’ll get it all off before my clothes arrive!

For now, though- it’s getting very late. I’ll be setting my alarm really early, excited for tomorrow for once. I honestly cannot believe how quickly I’ve started living in this personality! It feels so fresh to be productive and have the energy to do things now. I’m almost living my dream, I can tell! So, so close.

Goodbye for now, I’ll write tomorrow!

<3 Caramel

Scrambled eggs

God, I wonder what kind of life I could have if I could just motivate myself normally. Maybe I'd have more integrity, having enough courage to tell the truth sometimes. Maybe my grades would be straight hundreds. Maybe I'd already have a proper job.

Looking at studying guides like this makes me kind of believe I can work hard and work focused - and maybe, I can. I guess I'm moving onto my "getting in character" part of my new life, and that excites me like nothing else! I really hope I can get this done.

I'm tight for time right now, though, so for now I'll just keep this image posted here to save it for myself later.

<3 Caramel

Froggy pot

I’m really behind. I’m very much in deep water. I’ve got a bio exam in May, a 120-hour school project is going to finish at the end of the term, I’ve got a ton of French work to do- I’m in a froggy pot, and the water’s already well past boiling.

Not now, not now- I knew this past break has been a little extra good to me. What do I do now? What’s going to happen? At least I still have time to get myself in order. I need to prioritize, but so much of what I need to do needs strict focus and a ton of time. What do I even do? I don’t know what else I’m missing. What else has gone forgotten? Why do I always drop the ball at the end? Why do I always give up?

Will I have to put my new life aside to sink back into this? What do I do? Oh god, oh lord. I’m really scared. But I do have time. I have more time than I did in the past when procrastinating. I’ve got a little bit of a grip on this, I think.

idk

I think I’m going to lose it honestly, not in the angry sort of way but just in the way where I’m so tired and there’s so much I haven’t done and it’s pretty hopeless at this point.

idk what I was thinking when I thought maybe I could turn this around but honestly so much has piled up already I don’t think I can do much

maybe it’s time to wait for another time to do this. Maybe when it’s less busy lol. I could really use a hug but idk if I’ll take it alright but I have my pillow so ig that’s okay

I’ve got quite a few things due tomorrow that I haven’t even started yet and I’m in some pretty deep stuff with my parents so no support over there. Christ I wish I were younger because then I’d be able to say I’m too young for this

Winter Celebration Art #2

It's been getting colder where I live lately-- despite the painful wind chill, I'm excited to jump into banks of snow on the sides of the road.

The plants by my windowsill, named Mari and Twoey. Hopefully the recent warm weather is nicer for them.

When I lose my extra weight and get a work habit and rearrange my room and get energy and work more it's over for everybody

They think I'm busy and enigmatic and unavailable but I just can't control myself and keep eating foods that give me digestive issues