Leaving everything i love and know was honestly the best desision i ever made in my life.
I just feel like ill always be stuck. Stuck in the middle of a goodbye. Never feeling that pain, but never feeling that closure. Never feeling the certainty that somethings gone and is never coming back. I will always be frozen in this one time frame. Never wanting less, never having more. Im just stuck.
I had a family, once. Then i fucked up and things were never the same.
- the funny thing is, i don't take it back. Im happier alone, and i think that scares me more...
This morning, I was so proud of myself. My scars had fully healed. Now, i can still feel the sting of my fresh wounds, and i cant help but wonder, "why does this make me feel so damn good?"
- i tried to stop, but it just made me worse
I think i might have cut too deep this time...
This is exactly how I feel, not gonna lie
there’s suicidal as in ‘i want to die’ and there’s the kind of suicidal where your heart skips a beat and if there was a gun in your hand you’d pull the trigger because it only takes being certain, being brave, for a moment, and it can all be over. there’s no real sadness or fear, there is only numb, empty longing for your consciousness to cease to exist. that’s how i feel. i died a long time ago, i’m just looking for a way to help my body catch up
What happened to me...
I'm remembering shit I dont want to, and I'm feeling shit I dont want to.
I really tried to make this work, and I hope you know that...