I Feel As If Ill Never Be Able To Escape My Food Addiction. I Feel Prisoned For Eternity. I Don't Want

Madame, I know this is a weird question and you would probably insult me if/when you would read my words but, Are you ok? Do you need someone to talk with? I know I shouldn't write this because It's totally not my business, I apologize, have a great day. 🤍

Don't worry I won't insult you, that's a nice thing of you to ask. But to answer your questions, no and maybe (probably yeah). I hope you have a great day or night aswell <3

Just returned from an 5 hours walk. Every sounds makes me want to hurt myself. My parents just existing next room is torture. I wish to binge or blow my brains out, preferably both. Sadly I can't do either.

I wish they stopped talking, but I also feel so quilty that them just existing makes me so irritated and triggered. I wish I couldn't hear or feel anything at the moment.

Thanks for liking my art. This truly means a lot to me. So... yeah... thank youuu. ✨️

You're more than welcome :)

The pieces you make are so cool <3

It would be food from store from this town that I won't be able to get before Monday otherwise. And like, the taste and texture of the food haunts me. I can't think abt anyhting else. Even that ill be able to eat other shit when I get home doesn't console me. I can't sleep because all I can think about is that food.

The fact that I acc have to resist the thought about skipping school just go and buy food is wild, cause the school in question is a short, nice and actually useful.

So hard to choose eating well so that my mind could actually focus over starving and romanticizing my misery.

But since I'll binge when I do the latter I'll be fat and disgusting either way.

Just realized that one of the main reasons I binge is because I have nothing else to look forward to than food in my life. I don't even fucking enjoy it, but I have nothing else.

I cant stop thinking about it.

I've just thought it even worse for myself. My dad has multiple of his teeth missing bcs his teeth got fucked up from uncorrect corrections in his teens and i can tell it bothers him. The way he holds his mouth has changed, he tries to hide his teeth when speaking and smiling. And it prevents him from socializing, he used to be so much more sociable when I was little.

And im not scared for the socialization part because I will become a self isolated loser anyways, but now I'm fearing my teeth falling out just like his because I couldn't take basic care of myself. It pains me.

Because of my constant eating during binges and times where i simply was overeating my tooth enamel is completely damaged. And that can nor will never be restored.

My dentist straight up told me I have damaged it already so from now on if I don't stick with very strict, regular meals my teeth will be easily and quickly rittled with holes. But if I haven't been able to do that so far, no matter what. So now I'll just have teeth full of holes, feel constant pain and spend god knows how much trying to keep fixing em to escape atleast some of the pain. Just rip all my teeth out so I could not ruin them further and not chew at all.

I'm just feel sad and devastated. That shit by the age of 19. And for what? Nothing positive or anyhting of resemblance to even show for the years of straight up food addiction.

Crying because of hunger <<<<

I cant cope with having to go to work. Maybe if I could do some physical work outside, but only places available are customer service. I can't cope with having to work as a server or a cashier till I get my degree. How do people do it, why do people do it. Why do they live.

Just ate a box of cold chicken nuggets. 621 kcals and 48 grams of protein. I'm an unstable mf Binger, but atleast im hitting that protein goal.