I Had Kind Of An Interesting Discussion Last Night That Made Me Confront Some Of My Internalized Transphobia

estrogen is cancer

i’m not sure science supports this

I love when I enter a space full of nominally supportive, also mentally ill people, but I’m too mentally ill for even them and they’re clearly uncomfortable being around me.

What makes you feel like a girl? Asking so you know what to get rid of.

Oh that’s an interesting question with a complicated answer and I’m not quite sure I’m in the headspace to answer it thoroughly.

To be perfectly honest I’m intersex, my genitals are mostly the same for a male so it wasn’t super explicitly obvious at first, but a lot of other things were not normal for me, so my experience with biological sex when I started puberty was not typical for a male, and I grew breasts and didn’t have much testosterone. I identified more strongly with being a girl in middle school because I felt like I related to the girls in my class more than the boys and even my experiences with my body developing made me feel like I wasn’t anything like “normal” boys. I don’t know if I mentioned this here but I actually initially transitioned in middle school and don’t even really have much experience with being male besides a window of a few years as a teenager when i gave it a shot.

My voice sounds like a cis woman’s voice, and to even sound male at all it hurts a bit after a while and doesn’t even necessarily sound convincing, my mannerisms and behaviors are typically feminine, I just generally don’t come across as male in any way.

Lately I’ve had short hair, I’ve been wearing hoodies and jeans, sometimes I don’t shave for a week.

It’s still “here’s your food honey!” “we’ll be right with you miss” “have a nice day ma’am” and men asking if I have a boyfriend, guys talking down to me and over-explaining things… It has always been this way for me. I have much more experience living the typical life of a girl and then as a woman. Even when I tried to be a guy from around age 16 to 19 it was extremely fake and I wasn’t very good at it and people still assumed I was a girl sometimes. I’d get the occasional “oh I thought you were just a tomboy” from kids I didn’t know that well in high school.

So, everything about me is female. I’m basically a cis girl with male genitals. I never had any shot of being a man. I think that’s why detrans kink is so hot to me? but it’s also why it’s so impractical.

I’m like actively trying to be a guy lately and failing, so idk what to do. I’m probably just an intersex girl.

detrans kink blog to detrans reality blog transformation

The Fan Experience

Fakegirl Detrans Kink Transformation Story

Warnings: Sexual Content, MTFTM Detrans, Transformation, Identity Death, Misoygyny

You’re realllly pretty, and you know it. Everyone else knows it too. It’s not easy to be adored my thousands of viewers every time you go live, but you manage. Your winged eyeliner, all that blush, a little heart under your eye, you’re an egirl stereotype, but it looks great on you. You’re cute, you’re beautiful, you’re everyone’s girl.

You stare down the camera and catch a glance of yourself on stream. Totally on point, you’re nailing it today. Something deep inside you stirs… you’re *really* hot. To other people obviously. A little confidence never hurt anybody.

It feels good to feel this good about yourself. 7 years ago you were a boy, as silly as that sounds. That’s private information, only your closest friends explicitly know you’re trans, but of course it’s an open secret among your viewers. It’s hard to keep something like that toootally under wraps, ya know?

You just want to feel pretty, so you can stare at yourself, so other people can stare at you, and that’s what you’re doing.

Something is wrong.

You’re really only half aware of it. Here and there the you in your stream does something *slightly* different. She makes a different gesture, she uses slightly different verbiage, she’s not quite you.

She’s hot.

You’ve always been aware of it of course, how pretty you are. People tell you all the time. This is different. This is arousal. Attraction to a distinct person, to the you on the stream.

You hardly notice when your camera turns off.

You feel much more alone now, clearly in private, and extremely aroused, so you do the most logical thing. You whip it out and start jacking off. All your pretty makeup has been absorbed into your skin, making your face greasy and rough. Your hair starts falls out in clumps, leaving you with short, balding hair.

You don’t care, you’re focused on your favorite streamer.

Your body rapidly becomes completely unrecognizable, as you become an anonymous viewer instead of the main event. You’re misshapen and asymmetrical. Decidedly not pretty. Decidedly not a girl. Just an unremarkable man jacking off to a pretty girl.

You’re too horny to notice, in a deep haze of indifference, but god she’s so hot, and you’re so close, you just need her to say your name. You donate the most you can afford, $20, and she mentions you! It’s enough to feel every cell in your body explode in ecstasy as you coat her pixel perfect face in ropes of cum.

Something clicks.

She’s not even your favorite. There’s chicks on here way hotter than her.

She’s not really that bangable, and you know it.

they have yet to invent a hotter thing to hear than "I know what you need" from someone who could not be further from having your best interest at heart

Need people in my dms to encourage me to continue to detransition, since I’ve been having some doubts. I’m still off hrt, but I’m really tempted to shave and ruin the notes game. Someone needs to stop me!!!

Maybe this is wildly specific but I want some crazy girl to become just wildly obsessed with me… but only if I’m a boy. I wanted to be a girl for a while, but if some manic, obsessive girl latched onto me and insisted I need to be her BOYfriend I would cave to her so quickly, I’d let her obsess over me and keep me in her basement and not let me talk to anyone else.

My asks are very open right now, I want to hear every question you have about my gender and how I feel about this kink and why I’m a guy and such. Please ask me questions!!!

What did you do to being called a creep?

When I was a girl I understood what it was like to be pursued by weirdos, and honestly I was kinda into it. Now I've sorta become like a lot of those guys that used to be after me. I want a girl to show affection to, and I'm desperate. I would never cross a line, but I'm definitely a pathetic horny simp sometimes.