Me When I Have Like 20 Notifications In The Span Of Five Minutes And When I Go Check Its Just The Same

this might be controversial but if battle of the labyrinth is your fav book you care about the metaphors, if the last olympian is your fav you just care about percabeth, if the lightning thief is your fav you care about family, if the sea of monsters is your fav you care about adventure, if titan’s curse is your fav you actually care about the plot

id like to say I like it for the metaphor but really its because I like to imagine trees growing in weird places out if spite 

HUGE fan of trees growing in places they should not reasonably be able to

Let me talk about Dazai Osamu.

Dazai is often so animated, whether it be flirting shamelessly with beautiful women, or trying to get on Kunikida’s nerves, or messing with naive little Atsushi, or irritating the living heck out of Chuuya.

But, emotions? In a previous post, I talked a bit about deciphering Dazai’s emotions, about how he shows real and true emotions only in certain very calculated and planned situations.

Even for a person who rarely shows true emotions, it is visible how his face changes when the Port Mafia is brought up. His voice, his eyes, the tightness in his jaws— everything changes.

Season 1 Episode 3, when Kunikida is describing the Port Mafia to Atsushi.

For me, this is a very important hint to decipher him, a tiny gap in space-time from where I can peek into his heart.

In Season 1 Episode 5, when he intervenes the sergeant’s nervous rant to say, “No, this wasn’t the Mafia’s doing”, he’s a changed man. He not only describes, but reminisces and relives the numerous times he’s seen the event he’s describing unfold.

He doesn’t meet anybody’s eyes, he’s staring into space. His voice is lower, a sharp contrast to the usual high pitched, lulting, lively voice. This isn’t the voice he uses to talk with his colleagues in the Detective Agency, with Atsushi.

In Dead Apple, while facing away from Atsushi, he says, “I might have stayed there, murdering people.” His head is angled towards the ground, voice low.

(what might he have been feeling then? that’s a topic for another day.)

In Season 2 Episode 9, while he’s talking directly with the Port Mafia boss, Mori-san, there’s is somethingly uncannily odd about his face— eyes open far too wide, smile far too forced.

I’ve searched long for the right word to describe this expression— it’s uncomfortable.

Haunted.

He’s uncomfortable, he’s uneasy, but he doesn’t know that, he can’t acknowledge that, he wouldn’t accept that, because how do you hide what you don’t know you’re feeling?

∘

The problem here is, Dazai cannot see that he himself, was also a victim. He sees himself only as an abuser.

The fact that he’s also a victim, a young boy who watched his boss murder an old man, a young boy held at gunpoint so he couldn’t go to save his friend— he doesn’t understand his abuse. He doesn’t understand he was also wronged, he always sees himself as the wrong do-er.

Which is why he never let himself heal, because in order to do that, you have to notice your injuries first. Like he literally covered himself up in bandages, figuratively he did so too— made up a smile and built walls all around him, impenetrable, insurmountable.

In these specific moments though, his face betrays his mind.

His face makes it very apparent that he was affected, is still affected, regardless of whatever he tells himself.

It’s in these moments, that you see he has a living, beating heart, scarred and heavy and haunted with the trauma of his unspeakable past.

It’s in these moments that you see he’s human— still, despite, after all.

∘

Actual issues we should discuss about when it comes to pride:

events still being held during a pandemic

the presence of cops, politicians, and military branches in the parade and at other events (and how they prey on LGBT youth for recruitment at these events)

accessibility for disabled LGBT people

events being taken over by non-LGBT identities and corporations

some events and parades platforming TERFs or Drop The T groups

the omnipresence of alcohol at events (related to the corporate take over)

how many LGBT people cannot afford to go to ticketed pride events

the prevalence of the word queer at these events, considering it is still very triggering for many LGBT people

the complete sanitization and de-radicalization of pride so that no one associates it with its actual history and purpose

how pride is being used to sell shit and how pride month is officially just free advertising

how whitewashed the actual events are and i mean this literally–the focus is often on white celebrities performing shows and a white take on Stonewall’s history with very little support for groups of LGBT POC besides lip service like using the Philly Pride flag

The discourse we have every year instead:

is pride too horny?

it is too horny, you evil deviants

i saw a woman with no shirt on and a man in a leather harness i’m calling the cops

think about the children

oh my god and when girls say ‘girlfriend’ but mean it in a friend way i get an aneurysm no joke

do you ever just talk to straight ppl about boys and they assume you too are straight and then its like theres a sign above your head that says “there is one imposter among us”

I don’t think healthy people every really get chronic illness.

I have a friend I know from when we were both 6. She is the only person living nearby and so she saw me go from walking through limping to wheelchair on a daily basis. I keep her updated on my health even tho we rarely hang out anymore. She was gonna come over yesterday and I had to cancel. She asked if I can’t hang out later that day. When I said i won’t feel better later, that if I feel that bad in the morning later will only get worse she got annoyed and “joked” that I’m just finding excuses. And I was surprised, she knows all about me being disabled after all? So, a bit taken aback, I told her it’s a normal thing for me.

“But you got the diagnosis now, aren’t you better?? I thought you’ll get better now”

She was honestly surprised and it made me realize a thing. They don’t get it. They don’t get that getting diagnosed only equals benefits like welfare or parking spot for us, and sometimes better pain meds but that is just like pushing luck. That it’s a forever thing. That that one day we felt good a week ago was just a bright spot and doesn’t mean we won’t need our aids anymore, cause chronic illness is not linear and will make a great comeback in next four hours, and the next good day is planned on when we’re 70. Cause when abled people are sick, they get better. And our illness is just an excuse for them. And when we say we will never get better they think we’re being dramatic and pessimistic. And I don’t think they’ll ever get it, cause to get it you need to live it. And I want my friends to stay healthy and not go through hell.

i think writing fanfiction is easier than writing original stories because there are restrictions. You known, like characterization or past events or genres. Because some flowers can only grow if they have a wall to climb

was thinking about how because the only dance aziraphale can do is the galvonette and crowley can only do some shitty disco dancing their dance at their wedding would be a mess but THEN i realized that they wouldn't just dive in and wing it. no. they'd practice dancing together for weeks in preparation, stepping on each other's toes and bickering over the sound of some demonstrative video that they end up replaying dozens of times

I want that outfit no cap

When you’re a werewolf you’re not  50% wolf and 50% human, but 100% werewolf, similarly when you’re bi you’re not 50% gay and 50% straight, but 100% bi. Nothing else is similar though, the bite of bi person, generally, doesn’t do much.