i really need a fucjung hug, a cigarette snd someone to talk to im literally about to kms i cant do this anymore. i fucking cant
anyway heres a poem or wtv
drenched in my own misery,
physically visible on my skin,
intoxicated by the burden of deeply felt emotions,
deep as the sea,
i wish to claw through the skin of my chest,
past my ribs,
to gauge out my already broken heart.
blood on my hands as my tears burn through my skin,
maybe ill melt into the ground,
maybe once the essence of my existence has disintegrated into the ground and my bones are the only part of me left,
maybe then someone will truly care for what i have gone through.
Romanticism
When there is beauty to be found it becomes closure for the disturbed and the broken-minded, offering a home in the darkness, the darkness beholds beauty of which is mirrors the light and healthy. We as humans romanticise the pain until it becomes glorified, we feast off it and make it the norm, does this make sense? only to some it will.
Nonsense
‘Kill all the men, everything is dead to them’ - Your Flesh Is Nice by Jeff Buckley
Its all wrong and its all right but no matter what it is, it’s fucked up and repulsing; art.
Rottenness
Yearning,Rotting:Yearning=Rotting
Rotting is a desease, it eats at the dead and the living, the mind and the body. It searches every crevice of your system for every sense of life to suck out of you, its a slow painful process, it kills.
Art
Im a sad sad girl with a weird mind so to me this is written art, expressive. art.Art.ARt.ART. fuck knows what this is.
Art is not in one form, art is anything and anything you just need the open eye to see it; music,poetry, drugs, literature, misery, sex, anatomy, film, paintings, drawings, collages, each breath you take and the moon + music, the most important one of them all.
UgLy Is A..r?T
Make it make sense. Open Your Eyes……👁️
God cursed the world with treacherous penis-ridden meat sacks, causing havoc to what could’ve been peace if only they knew how to keep their crippled genitalia in their underwear. Although my hatred runs deep for those punished with masculinity, Jeff Buckley was a dear apology for God’s mistake. Jeff Buckley was perfect, the only flaw’s he beholds are those human and forgivable yet not a single flaw comes to mind at the thought of Jeff Buckley. He had a special gift; gifted with a poetic soul, the ability to craft lyrics that drive deep into your soul and embed themselves painfully yet comfortably, bringing solace to the heart yet beautiful misery. He could’ve aided in the revolutionization of the male way of thinking, bringing a respectful manner to their demeanour but God knew all too well he was too good for this evil world. Unfortunately Jeff Buckley died 29th May 1997. He is very dearly missed by many and his lyrics continue to pierce and bless the hearts and souls of many.
mourning.
What’s Inside a Girl?~
La petite mort - The little death
Resembling or prefiguring death; a brief weakening or loss of consciousness, specifically in sleep or during an orgasm.
This song is how i feel on a daily basis, this is no joke i genuinely feel like this and it is the worst thing, i have so much emotion packed inside of me yet i cant cry and that doesn’t make sense or i cant when i want to anyway. Im holding it back but why i js i cant. All i need by radiohead is how feel all the time, think of me once in a while, take care is how i feel all the time, left alone is how i feel all the time, i want you to love me is how i feel all the time, a million songs song in tune to the melody of my soul, they sre the melody pf my soul but fuck its getting to much now. I feel everythibg so deeply but i only feel the empty, im so full of it its consuming me and eating me whole, i want to feel what a real emotion feels like again, i know what it sounds like, what it looks like but when can i feel it because ot feels like im gonna implode. Theres so much i wanna say, but i dont know where to start. Thats a quote from one of my favourite films tbat i watched for the first time recently’i belive in unicorns’. This video os really how i feel aswell, the twat diddnt seem to love me af my lowest, its so fucking intese it visibly pours from my eyes and my mouth and basically im a dissolving wreck of a broken mind, when it hits it hits hard because it’s everywhere, you see it in my room and on my body and its in my head and its the way i est, sleep, function in life. It was too intense for the cretin to handle that even the bare minimum of reassurance caused me to receive annoyance and yelling, The second request on my autumn wishlist stems from this. Love me how i love you which means at my lowest, at my highest, through all my flaws, quirks and all that i have to show; for you i would but when is it my turn to fucking feel love. I felt loved for a short amount of time but with the fact it was a short amount of time means it was short lived so even throughout the initial relationship i did feel how the creature changed, grew less attentive, didnt care as much, not payong as much attention and not putting enough time aside for me and partly thst is my fault for allowing them to act like that ss even thogh they did ask i js said everything was fine to everything because im scared of being physically hurt os shouted at or them losing love for me. I am so fucking lonely snd even tho i have friends it js doesnt feel like the pure human connection i crave. I hate living. im no longer scared to die and only its something sought after. Theres so much i wanna say but idk where to start.
~i find raw emotions beautiful, the ‘uglier’ they are the more beautiful i think they are because its genuine. Im disgusted but also mesmerised by my own emotions. I only ever want to get worse. ive never had any wish to recover. It hurts but its the hurt that i feed off. if thst makes sense. time and time again i tend to imagine myself at the bottom of a tower thats like a prison, sprawled out on the floor. suffering because i’d finally let myself succumb to my mental illness. I dont know if any of this even makes sense.i i think its time for a cigarette🫶💖i dont wanna live(ldr reference) but atleast music is good~
𖦹₊ ⊹Anyway heres a poem~
how to never stop being sad
let the anguish fester inside of you,
let the chilling hands of this demon become your embodiment,
let the waterfall free from the imprisonment of your eyes,
drain yourself of the blood congested in your veins,
drench yourself in the crimson trickling into the crevices of your body,
as if swimming in the deepest body of water,
let yourself drown,
become the sorrows you fear,
depleted as you begin to embrace the void,
leave it free to poison your mind and body till your left an empty carcass,
walk through the simulation of life,
a living dead girl,
the void in your eyes so potent,
let the torment orchestrate your life.
~.°˖✧ 1 of 89 poems ✧˖°.~
im not so sure whether i like the poem or not but its there to read anyway<3🫶💖
no one really cares for what i have to say, not even my ‘friends’.this blog is like my safe space idk.i spent ages trying to make this perfect.hopefully this post reaches the girls(and non girls) that get it!💖
(i do this because i love music and im always listening to music and i like letting people know what im into)
I know - Fiona Apple
~“And someday you will ache like i ache”
˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊
this🙏
so real, i haven’t posted in so ling but i might soon maybe