So Real, I Haven’t Posted In So Ling But I Might Soon Maybe

"When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king

What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight

And he'll win the whole thing before he enters the ring

There's nobody to batter when your mind is your might

So when you go solo you hold your own hand

And remember that depth is the greatest of heights

And if you know where you stand then you know where to land

And if you fall it won't matter ''cause you know that you're right" Fiona Apple 1999

Ive been thinking about this poem a lot recently.

𝓲 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝓮𝔁𝓲𝓼𝓽 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓮₊˚⊹ ࿔

~🔮🌞🥀~

~i find raw emotions beautiful, the ‘uglier’ they are the more beautiful i think they are because its genuine. Im disgusted but also mesmerised by my own emotions. I only ever want to get worse. ive never had any wish to recover. It hurts but its the hurt that i feed off. if thst makes sense. time and time again i tend to imagine myself at the bottom of a tower thats like a prison, sprawled out on the floor. suffering because i’d finally let myself succumb to my mental illness. I dont know if any of this even makes sense.i i think its time for a cigarette🫶💖i dont wanna live(ldr reference) but atleast music is good~

𖦹₊ ⊹Anyway heres a poem~

how to never stop being sad

let the anguish fester inside of you,

let the chilling hands of this demon become your embodiment,

let the waterfall free from the imprisonment of your eyes,

drain yourself of the blood congested in your veins,

drench yourself in the crimson trickling into the crevices of your body,

as if swimming in the deepest body of water,

let yourself drown,

become the sorrows you fear,

depleted as you begin to embrace the void,

leave it free to poison your mind and body till your left an empty carcass,

walk through the simulation of life,

a living dead girl,

the void in your eyes so potent,

let the torment orchestrate your life.

~.°˖✧ 1 of 89 poems ✧˖°.~

im not so sure whether i like the poem or not but its there to read anyway<3🫶💖

~𝜗𝜚

no one really cares for what i have to say, not even my ‘friends’.this blog is like my safe space idk.i spent ages trying to make this perfect.hopefully this post reaches the girls(and non girls) that get it!💖

⋆⭒˚.⋆if your reading this i love you ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

~𝜗𝜚

Spotify

𝒜 𖦹°❀⋆.･

User · 𝒜 𖦹°❀⋆.･

Song im listening to~

(i do this because i love music and im always listening to music and i like letting people know what im into)

I know - Fiona Apple

What’s Inside a Girl?~

La petite mort - The little death

Resembling or prefiguring death; a brief weakening or loss of consciousness, specifically in sleep or during an orgasm.

“Everything Means Nothing To Me.”

i really need a fucjung hug, a cigarette snd someone to talk to im literally about to kms i cant do this anymore. i fucking cant

anyway heres a poem or wtv

drenched in my own misery,

physically visible on my skin,

intoxicated by the burden of deeply felt emotions,

deep as the sea,

i wish to claw through the skin of my chest,

past my ribs,

to gauge out my already broken heart.

blood on my hands as my tears burn through my skin,

maybe ill melt into the ground,

maybe once the essence of my existence has disintegrated into the ground and my bones are the only part of me left,

maybe then someone will truly care for what i have gone through.

This song is how i feel on a daily basis, this is no joke i genuinely feel like this and it is the worst thing, i have so much emotion packed inside of me yet i cant cry and that doesn’t make sense or i cant when i want to anyway. Im holding it back but why i js i cant. All i need by radiohead is how feel all the time, think of me once in a while, take care is how i feel all the time, left alone is how i feel all the time, i want you to love me is how i feel all the time, a million songs song in tune to the melody of my soul, they sre the melody pf my soul but fuck its getting to much now. I feel everythibg so deeply but i only feel the empty, im so full of it its consuming me and eating me whole, i want to feel what a real emotion feels like again, i know what it sounds like, what it looks like but when can i feel it because ot feels like im gonna implode. Theres so much i wanna say, but i dont know where to start. Thats a quote from one of my favourite films tbat i watched for the first time recently’i belive in unicorns’. This video os really how i feel aswell, the twat diddnt seem to love me af my lowest, its so fucking intese it visibly pours from my eyes and my mouth and basically im a dissolving wreck of a broken mind, when it hits it hits hard because it’s everywhere, you see it in my room and on my body and its in my head and its the way i est, sleep, function in life. It was too intense for the cretin to handle that even the bare minimum of reassurance caused me to receive annoyance and yelling, The second request on my autumn wishlist stems from this. Love me how i love you which means at my lowest, at my highest, through all my flaws, quirks and all that i have to show; for you i would but when is it my turn to fucking feel love. I felt loved for a short amount of time but with the fact it was a short amount of time means it was short lived so even throughout the initial relationship i did feel how the creature changed, grew less attentive, didnt care as much, not payong as much attention and not putting enough time aside for me and partly thst is my fault for allowing them to act like that ss even thogh they did ask i js said everything was fine to everything because im scared of being physically hurt os shouted at or them losing love for me. I am so fucking lonely snd even tho i have friends it js doesnt feel like the pure human connection i crave. I hate living. im no longer scared to die and only its something sought after. Theres so much i wanna say but idk where to start.

Intricate Desires by me~

𝙸 𝚜𝚘 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚛𝚎 𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎,

𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚊 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚏 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚝,

𝚍𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚙𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚎𝚟𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛,

𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚏𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚊 𝚍𝚒𝚛𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚛𝚎,

𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚎𝚍,

𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚢 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚝𝚑 𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚞𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚎,

𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚢𝚎𝚝 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚜 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚠𝚗,

𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚞𝚙𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚢 𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍.

────•°𝜗𝜚°•.────

“Cosmic as fuck”

I have absolutely no idea what im doing with my life, im not im school so im lonely, the situation that has been going on with my ex since we broke a MONTH ago has really been fucking with me. Shes a manipulative, lying piece of motherfucking shit. Im so incredibly lonely and sad i could throw up, ive been running away from my feelings for so long i dont even know what i feel anymore, every inch of me is full of pain. Atleast i have my bestfriend and my vape to keep me marginally on the lines of sanity, im not sane im just trying to manifest it if you get what i mean. I need a cherry cola, a monstrously gigantic bottle of vodka, new lashes and white face paint for my goth makeup, some cigarettes, the whimsical gothic house of my dreams and spotify to allow unlimited songs on my fucking playlist. Its okay though as Im miss world(somebody kill me). One actual positive is the girl ive met recently(i wrote something for her which i will put here) and also i got some new clothes snd a BUNCH of jewellery. Anyway enough of my yap!

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

written by your Sweetheart the Drunk🔮

The familiar, melancholic melody travels throughout my electrical system, infusing my delicate heart with a sudden yearning for connection. As each strum of the guitar plucks at the chords of my heartstrings, her angelic features are vividly illustrated in my mind. As the light of day ever so gently caresses her delicately pale complexion, her transfixing features evoke a current of instant attraction throughout the very essence of my soul. The twinkle in her green eyes strikes joy into my heart, while the cherry-blossom tint in her lips and their subtle glossiness ignite a longing to connect mine with hers. Her lustrous waves cascade down her chest, clipped away from her face, allowing me to admire her ethereal allure. Her softly defined jawline fits perfectly within the harmony of her face, and her nose, softly freckled, catches the light exquisitely. Her features, so strongly engraved in my mind, give me the joy of being able to bask in the warmth of her beauty without needing to include my phone in the intimate moments I share with my cat and the moon as I speak my words of love and reverence for her.

˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊

the girl i wrote this about is called angel and shes such an angel oh my god🙌

God cursed the world with treacherous penis-ridden meat sacks, causing havoc to what could’ve been peace if only they knew how to keep their crippled genitalia in their underwear. Although my hatred runs deep for those punished with masculinity, Jeff Buckley was a dear apology for God’s mistake. Jeff Buckley was perfect, the only flaw’s he beholds are those human and forgivable yet not a single flaw comes to mind at the thought of Jeff Buckley. He had a special gift; gifted with a poetic soul, the ability to craft lyrics that drive deep into your soul and embed themselves painfully yet comfortably, bringing solace to the heart yet beautiful misery. He could’ve aided in the revolutionization of the male way of thinking, bringing a respectful manner to their demeanour but God knew all too well he was too good for this evil world. Unfortunately Jeff Buckley died 29th May 1997. He is very dearly missed by many and his lyrics continue to pierce and bless the hearts and souls of many.

mourning.

Rest easy Freddie, you are dearly missed by many! Forever the King of Queen!