𝐀 𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬
𝐀 𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬
pairing: alexei vronsky x reader
tw: sadness, fluff, tears, mention of adultery, internal conflict, feelings of guilt, self-doubt, feeling of shame
message: to the ones who hate themselves for feeling a certain way.
5.4K words
The chandeliers dripped with candlelight, their glow colouring the vast ballroom in a shade of gold. Music in the air, but it was distant, muffled, as though you were submerged beneath water. The perfume of waltzing couples amplified the air, along with the scent of the strawberry pastries and champagne.
There, in the middle of it all, in the middle of the ballroom. Him.
Your husband, your Count, wearing his white button up shirt with golden buttons. His hair glowing in the golden light of the chandeliers. His posture being the epitome of his nobility. But his hands — his hands were around another's waist. Leading her in the sensual waltz.
The woman's face lay against his shoulder, a smile adorning her face. He leaned in, his lips ghosting her ear, whispering something meant for her, only her. Something he had once whispered to you.
What was once a sentimental moment for you and your husband was now shared with your husband and some other woman.
The woman's laugh rang through the room, delicate and sultry. Her laugh had seemed to drain out any other sound of the ballroom.
You felt your throat close up. You tried to call out for him, but no sound escaped your lips. The room felt stuffy, as if the walls were closing in on you. The walls stretching, the heavy fabric of your dress suddenly feeling as if it was strangling you.
Your hands clenched around the silk of your dress, you swallowed hard.
His gaze met your eyes as he spun her around. A glint of amusement, recognition, and something else, something sinister. His gaze left you right just as it met yours, as if you were easily dismissible. You, his wife, the woman he swore to protect, the woman bearing his child.
Suddenly the ballroom chandelier was too bright, the smell of strawberries and champagne being all too much, the sound of the music turned from a sentimental, beautiful ballad to a mocking tone, as if it were telling you that you lost.
You were not enough for him to stick to you. Not enough for him to love. Even the fact that you were growing his child inside of you did not make him stay; you meant nothing to him.
You felt your knees buck as you felt nauseous, feeling as if you were mere seconds away from fainting. Your eyes shut for a second and you embraced yourself for the impact with the floor — you gasped, your eyes shooting open, your chest heaving up and down, panting.
You looked around the room, you were in your chambers, in your nightgown, a strong arm around your very pregnant stomach, a face nuzzled into your neck, snoring softly. The scent of your husband filling your nose.
You shifted your head to look at his face, fast asleep. You let out a breath, still coming down from the gut wrenching feeling of betrayal you felt in your dream. It felt so real; so genuine, as if he would wake up and betray you like he did in real life.
It made your dinner from last night want to escape you. You sat up slowly, leaning against the fancy headboard of the bed. Alexei's arm dropping from your waist to your lap. He stirred in his sleep, feeling you shift, he didn't wake from his slumber as he still felt your warmth near him.
You let out a shaky breath, feeling tears well up in your eyes. You felt foolish, ridiculous even, for crying over such a thing. For being angry at him for such an act, an act he did not even commit. An act he would never so much as imagine committing.
Your husband — your hardworking, devoted, uxorious husband — was right next you, lightly snoring, his chest heaving up and down slowly in a peaceful, rhythmic pattern — contrasting yours immensely — in a blissful state of tranquility. Completely unaware of the storm that raged inside you.
The feeling clung to you, as if the dream had left a scar. Not Alexei — no, he would never allow for that dream to become reality; Count Vronsky might be many things, but unfaithful? Disloyal? Coldhearted? No, those words would never belong to him
You were not unaware of how loyal your husband was, no, he made his intentions with you very clear, since the beginning of your courtship. He is to love and care for you, in sickness, in health, in happiness, in sorrow, in peace, in anger. Whatever it was; he was to love and care for you.
He vowed to it. And everyone knew when the Vronsky's vowed to something — they would rather die than have that vow broken.
You knew all of this, you knew, and yet you were still crying. What sort of wife doubts her husband? Even in the captivity of her own mind?
Your oh so loving husband. The husband that goes riding with you when you feel like it, the husband that smiles at you adoringly as you speak about your daily activities, the husband that whispers sweet nothings to your unborn child before vanishing into a peaceful slumber every night.
Natheless, the image of another woman in his arms, a content smile on his face, the look of love in his eyes as he stared at her. The thought haunted you, like a phantom, unwilling to leave you alone.
You sniffled and wiped your tears with your hands, taking in a shaky breath. Ridding the tears that had no right to exist. Merely for more unjust tears to flow out of your waterline. Your heart burned in your chest, your stomach churned. It felt as if there was a pit in your stomach.
Your baby came into your mind, all this unnecessary stress would be bad for the baby. His baby. You calmed yourself for the health of your baby. Though the calmness did not guarantee that the sorrow would dissolve.
The light shone through the space in the curtains, softly whispering to you, telling you that it was morning. You hear soft noises from outside your chambers — the maid were already working.
You looked back at your husband, the light softly hitting his face, making him look oh so beautiful. You were truly a lucky woman to have such a handsome Count as your husband. It made you insecure; he was so beautiful, he was adored by all the young debutantes'. Eyes filled with thirst to grab at him any chance they get, but he was a married man.
You criticised yourself, comparing yourself to those debutante's, even though you yourself were one just a year and a half ago.
You sighed softly as you slipped your legs off the bed, gently pushing yourself off the bed, waddling to the door, leaving Alexei in bed, fast asleep. You opened your door and peeked your head out, looking for one of the maids to help you change into your day gown.
"Vanya!" You whispered as you caught a glimpse of her right before she put her foot down on the first step of the staircase to make her way downstairs. She furrowed her brows and looked for the source of the voice that had just called out her name.
"Vanya" You whispered again, she looked at you, her face relaxing and a soft smile displaying on her lips.
"Countess, you are awake, much earlier than expected" She smiled as she made her way to the door of your chambers. You smiled softly, a smile that did not quite reach your eyes.
"Well, the little one does not allow me to rest in comfort." You joked as you put a hand on your stomach and rubbed your swollen belly. Vanya smiled at you, looking down at your bump and then back at you.
"I would like to get ready for the day" You smiled at her, and opened the door slightly more. She glanced inside to see the Count still in bed, deep in slumber. She looked back at you and furrowed her brows, you never wake before the Count, it was either the both woke at the same time, or the Count stayed in bed with you until you woke.
"Uh yes, Countess, right away" Vanya shook her thought away and looked down at the floor as you opened the door slightly more for her to enter, closing the door after she entered. You guided her to your boudoir that was connected to the bedchamber.
Vanya's gaze on the floor until she reached the familiar tiles of the boudoir, to respect the Count's privacy. She headed straight to the dresses and chemises and petticoats, skipping the corsets because you were nearing your due date, meaning you were too big for corsets.
She helped you dress, wearing a blue dress with fur lining around the collar of the dress and the sleeves of the dress. You had asked her to not put any jewelry on you, you felt overwhelmed enough. After changing you guided Vanya out of the bedchamber and she helped you down the staircase to the commons.
You sat yourself at the loveseat near the big window, overlooking your beautiful garden, a book on your lap and your eyes still tired from the lack of sleep and the feeling of insecurity. You watched how the cold, Russian, autumn breeze made the trees sway, your flowers swaying in the process as well.
"Countess, I must suggest that you breakfast" Polina, another house maid, said walking into the commons. You looked away from the window and looked at her.
"Is it ready?" You asked putting a hand on your stomach and pushed off the loveseat with as much energy you could muster up.
"Yes, ma'am, would you like for one of the men to wake the Count?" She asked as she held the door open for you to head out the commons and walk to the dining.
"No, that is not necessary, I would much rather have him well rested" You said simply and walked to the table, allowing Polina to pull out a chair for you and help you sit down.
"Very well" She said simply and left you alone to eat all by your lonesome. Leaving you alone with your thoughts. Not the best idea with the storm raging within you since even before you woke up.
-
Alexei grumbled something under his breath as he stirred awake. His arm naturally going to feel you, touch you in some way, but he was met with a cold spot in the bed, and not your swollen belly. His eyes shot open, and he sat up, looking around the room to find you.
He sighed and rubbed his face in his hands to wash away any feeling of fatigue so he could go on with his day. He removed the soft quilt off of him and got off the bed to get ready for his day. Slightly concerned about your whereabouts.
Since he had married you, he had never woken up in an empty bed, you were always beside him, but he did not worry his mind too much about it; he knew you'd be at home.
He made his way downstairs, stopping at the end of the stairway, thinking about where you would be, that is until he saw Polina.
"Ah Polina," He called out for her, Polina stopped in her tracks and turned to the Count.
"Good morning Count" She greeted him with a smile. He nodded back as a greeting.
"Would you know where my wife is?" He asked as he looked around the first floor of the house, as if in search of her.
"She is in the dining, breaking her fast" Polina explained and nodded slightly towards the doors of the dining, down the hall. Alexei nodded, as if thanking her and walked away, walking with a purpose to see you and his child in the dining.
He softly opened the doors and turned to the table to see you, poking your fork into your egg. He smiled softly and made his way to you, slowly, so as to not startle you.
"Good morning, my dove" He said softly and kneeled down beside you, his hand already on your belly. You turned and smiled at him, a smile that you gave to Vanya when you woke that morning.
"Good morning" You smiled at him and greeted him back. He kissed your cheek and then bent down slightly more to place a kiss on your belly.
"Good morning to you too, kroshka" He mumbled against your belly as he planted his kiss. You smiled, your heart feeling heavy. This was the man you were doubting. The man that came straight to you after waking, to kiss you on the cheek, and to kiss your belly, to greet you with a sweet tone on his lips.
You picked up your fork again and poked it into the sausage on your plate. Alexei stood properly and sat on the chair next to you, nodding at the servant who was in the dining hall to get him his food. He turned back to you, a soft look in his eyes.
"You did not wake me, serdtse moyo" He said, watching you carefully as you ate. Making sure you had enough nutrients to carry on your day and carry his child.
"You looked so peaceful, I did not want to interrupt" You said simply, not even sparing him a glance. Alexei raised a brow at your tone and your action, confused.
"Very thoughtful of you," He said softly, trying to understand you. Ever since the doctor had told you that you were with child, he had been extra careful with his actions and words around you. Knowing how his brother's wife acted when she was with child, he learned his lesson.
A maid had come in with a plate of food and placed it in front of him. He picked his fork up and started to eat, right after taking a sip of water to quench the dryness of his throat. Eating in silence, which would usually be calming but at this moment it felt as if tension would not leave you.
"How did you spend your morning my love?" Alexei asked, trying to make conversation to ease the tension.
"Just some light reading" You said simply, which wasn't technically a lie, you had tried to read but your thoughts were too loud for you to properly comprehend what was going on in your story. Alexei nodded at your answer, expecting you to continue speaking about your book, explain the plot and your side commentary.
But you just stopped speaking, eating your eggs.
He looked at you, watching you deliberately. You didn't spare him a glance, making his heart hurt and his head think about everything he's done since yesterday to make you act so cold towards him.
"Are you alright?" He asked softly, his hand reaching for your hand that was on the table. Softly rubbing your knuckle with his thumb. You finally looked at him, your eyes held a sadness he couldn't bear to see. You tried to hide the sadness with faulty joy.
"I am fine, why?" You asked, masking the pain you feel in your heart and the pit in your stomach.
"Are you tired? Did the little one not let you rest?" He asked, his hand going back to your stomach to feel his child. You shook your head, heart warming at his concern. The eggs taste bittersweet on your tongue.
Your heart was warming up and crumbling all at the same time. You wanted to tell him that you were fine, that you were happy and content, to tell him about your dream and have him tell you he'd never do something so cruel to you.
But shame filled you. The thought of telling him that you doubted him, the look of hurt on his face if you were to tell him, you feared that you could not handle it.
"I am fine, Alexei, please calm your mind" You chuckled as you looked at him with a smile on your face. The smile on your face told him to not worry, but the look in your eyes told him that something was wrong. But he let it go, not wanting to make you uncomfortable.
"Very well" He mumbled and continued to break his fast, his hand still on yours. You finished up your food and stood up from your seat, Alexei's gaze moving from his plate to you.
"If you need me, I will be in the commons" You said simply and waddled out of the dining room, leaving Alexei in the dining by himself. The act made Alexei's heart crumble in his chest. You had never left him to eat alone, you had either waited until he finished eating to leave the dining together, or he would finish before you and do the same for you.
Alexei watched you leave and once the door shut he turned to the servant who was in the corner of the room. The servant himself looked confused at your actions, it was very unlike you.
"Do you reckon I did something that upset her?" Alexei asked the servant to see what anyone from an outside perspective had anything to say about it. The servant looked down to the floor before he spoke.
"No Count, it is not in my recollection, perhaps it is the gloomy weather that has made the Countess act this way" The servant answered with proper thought.
"Hmm perhaps" Alexei mumbled and looked down at his glass of water. He stood up abruptly and left the dining, leaving his food half finished.
"Feed the remaining to Frou-Frou, will you please" He said to the servant as he made his way out the doors, wracking his mind as to what he could have done to make you act so cold towards him. He went to the commons, following you, and sitting on the seat opposite to the loveseat you were sat on. You were once again reading your book.
Not really reading; you were stuck on the phrase ‘Was it a vision, or a waking dream? Fled is that music:—Do I wake or sleep?’ not fully able to comprehend or understand what the book was trying to say, for your mind was much too occupied from your dream.
It did however seem as if the world was telling you something, was it just a dream, or was it a vision? You had asked yourself, over analysing everything in your life. Was the world trying to tell you something by sending you signs?
Don’t worry too much of it. It was just a visio- dream. Just a normal dream.
Alexei watched you closely as you were in reverie, hiding behind the newspaper, pretending to read and glancing ever so often at you to see the state that you were in. Trying to understand you and what was going on in your head.
You had not turned your page for a while, and Alexei, knowing that you were quite a fast reader compared to the other ladies of the season, was worried. Were you not actually reading?
“Milaya moya, what is that you think so deeply about?” He asked, breaking the silence and tension in the room. You jumped slightly, startled, putting a hand on your sternum as a reaction to the shock.
“Ah, Alexei, you startled me, I did not notice you” You laughed slightly, looking at him.
‘I did not noticed you’
But you always notice when he walks in the room. Your eyes always light up, your smile always deepens, and your shoulders relax knowing that he was there to take care of you.
Your words upset him, he knew something was clogging your mind, he just did not know what exactly it was. He was determined to find out and rid you of those thoughts to make you happy, to see you happy.
“I was rather silent, I suppose” Alexei said, pushing his thoughts of sadness away, trying to figure you out.
“Now, my love, do tell, what is bothering you” He said, putting the newspaper down onto the seat and getting up, making his way to you, kneeling right in front of you so you would meet his eyes.
“I have told you, I am f-” You started but Alexei cut you off, softly.
“And do not say that you are fine, because you seem very enervating” He said and softly placed one hand on your knee and the other on your stomach.
“I do not wish for you to stress, my dove, it will only cause you and the child harm, so please do tell me what is causing you to be so burdened. Put it on me so I can carry that burden for you” He said softly, his eyes sincere and carrying a pain, and empathy, a mixture you never want to see in his eyes.
You looked down, feeling your eyes start to water, your throat started to burn, your eyes stinging slightly. You did not want to meet his eye, you felt shameful. Felt disgusting for feeling the way you feel.
You trusted him, you really did, but the dream, the vision, felt so real, so genuine, it was hard to not brood.
He reached his hand up to your cheeks, cupping it right after pushing a stray strand fall from your beautifully plaited hair.
“Darling,” He said softly, reminding you that he was still there. To listen, to hear, and understand you. You swallowed and licked your lips. You looked at him, through your eyelashes, his eyes boring into yours. His eyes, so blue and clear, every single feeling of concern and sadness engraved into them.
You cleared your throat and shook your head.
“I would like some time alone” You whispered and looked back down to your lap, watching his hand on your knee, his thumb rubbing the fabric of your dress.
The hope in Alexei’s eyes left and he felt his shoulders slump. He licked his lips and stood up, lending out a hand to you to hold. You looked up at him when you saw him stretching his hand out for you to use to get back up on your feet. He had a soft smile on his face, calming your nerves.
“Then time alone is what you shall get” He said and nodded to his stretched out hand for you to grab onto, to help you stand up.
“That is with me at a safe distance” He quickly added as you closed your book, putting it to the side and putting your hand in his, allowing him to pull you up. He led you out of the commons and walked the hallway.
“Where would you like to go for some time alone?” He asked, still holding onto your hand gently, taking smaller strides than normal to match your pace.
“The garden” You whispered, looking around your home, as he nodded and led you to the doors to the garden. He held the door open for you and allowed you to head out first, you walked along the pathway, walking to the gazebo near the garden wall. He followed suit.
-
An hour passed, you had watched the leaves on the tree fall due to the weather; thinking to yourself that you’d have to ask one of the men to clean it up. You watched how your flowers were slowly decaying, some surviving due to the fact that winter was not that close.
The Count had watched your every step, every content smile, everytime you put a hand on your stomach when you felt your baby kick.
He watched as you threw two or three pebbles into the fountain, watched as you smelled your flowers, watched as you swung the leaves on your willow tree. He adored you, he yearned to be beside you, to help you; but he respected your wish to be alone for some time.
But now that some time had gone by, he felt as if it was time to talk to you again. The once very pained look in your eyes had become less weary. You looked content, but something was still bothering you. He walked to the rose bushes, lined up beautifully near the fountain, picked up a red rose and walked towards you with a purpose.
You sighed, feeling the feeling inside of you slowly dissipate, but somehow remnants of it remained. You were bathing in the cold-warm light of the sun when a rose appeared in front of you. You furrowed your brows and looked at the individual who had just offered you the rose.
You tilted your head slightly to look past the rose to look at your husband who had a small, soft, smile on his face as he gazed at you lovingly.
“A rose for your thoughts” He said and lowered the rose from right in front of your face, and handed it to you normally. You took the rose from him and inhaled the scent of the sweet rose. Your eyes closed peacefully. He admired you as you did so.
You opened your eyes again and looked at him; the pain in your heart had lessened by now, your eyes now holding some form of happiness, a feeling of content.
“Would you like to tell me what is bothering you?” He asked softly, his hands behind his back, enlocked with one another, waiting patiently for your answer. You sucked in your cheek and looked at the rose in your hands, feeling the texture of a petal between your thumb and index finger.
You nodded softly and looked back up at him. He smiled and offered you his elbow to hold onto. You softly wrapped your arm around his elbow, the rose in your other hand as he led you to the gazebo. He pulled out a chair from a little tea table there.
“Sit, you have been standing for long enough” He said and helped you sit down. Once you relaxed onto the chair, he kneeled down and put his hand on your knees, dirtying his nice dress pants.
“Alexei, your trousers” You said watching him get on his knees in front of you to be on eye level with you.
“Doesn’t matter, what matters is whatever that is bothering you” He said, cupping your face in his hands. You sighed softly and leaned into his hand. He looked at you attentively, ready for whatever it is you were about to say.
“I had a dream” You started, looking straight into his eyes. It was time for you to be brave and swallow whatever bitter taste there was in your mouth.
Alexei nodded, urging you to continue. You deep breath and continued,
“I had a dream where you were in another's arms” You said, your voice lowering as you spoke, the confidence dissipating as you admitted to him. Alexei’s brows furrowed and he tilted his head, utterly confused. He opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off.
“We were at a ball, perhaps it was Viscount Motka’s function — that is apart from the point —. You were dancing with another woman, it made me feel… feel rather strange” You said, taking a deep breath before continuing to tell him how your dream made you feel. Alexei looked pained.
“Please do not be cross with me, I do not mean to doubt you, but it seems as if the dream has shaken me quite a bit” You said quickly, trying to comfort him.
“I feel atrocious just feeling this way, I do not want to feel such a horrible emotion. I do not even know how to describe it —” You started, ranting slightly, he cut you off by placing his lips softly on yours.
A kiss.
Your eyes fluttered close and you kissed him back. It was rather odd, you usually partake in such endeavours in the privacy of your bed chambers. His hands cupping your face had never left you. He pulled away and laid his forehead on yours, nose nudging one another.
“My dove, now why on Earth would you be so perturbed over a dream?” He asked, slightly chuckling at your silly antiques. You pouted as he chuckled, and he stopped right away.
“It felt real, Alexei. I was hurt” You pouted deeper and your eyes were sad. Alexei felt his heart crumble at the look on your face.
“My darling, I would never do something like that to you. They could torture me for days to do so, and I would not. My respect and love for you is ineffable” He said, a smile on his face, feeling a lot better about the whole situation.
Not the issue of you being sad, but the fact that he can help you feel better. All this time he had thought he did something wrong, that he did something to hurt you — and if he did, he would never find a way to forgive himself.
He could now do this favourite thing; to show you how much he loved you.
You looked down at the rose on your lap, feeling abashed. Alexei moved one of his hands to your chin to tilt it up, making you look at him.
“Do not doubt my love for you.” He said simply, his eyes so loving, so soft, so delicate. His touch on you is so intricate, as if he would touch you any harder, your skin would bruise, as if you would break into pieces. As if you would slip through his fingers like sand.
He moved his hand to hold your cheek again, this time firmly as if it would prove anything. He started,
“From the moment I close my eyes to the second I open them again, you are there. You are in every single thought I have, in every single thing I look at. Your smell does not leave me, no matter how far I am from you. Your smile– engraved into my head and it brings me strength when you are absent from my side.
So do not for a moment even consider that I do not love you because you are the better part of me. And if you ever so find yourself doubting the love I have for you, do tell me and I will spend every waking moment on this earth proving my love to you.” He said, looking so deeply into your eyes, his face mere millimetres away from yours, eyes holding so much love, so much adoration.
You felt a tear escape your eye and he wiped it away. He removed his forehead from yours and tilted your head down slightly to set a kiss on your forehead. He stayed there, kissing your forehead for a bit and then moved to put his forehead on yours again.
Looking at you with the same look in his eyes. You smiled softly at home, you heart content, the pit in your stomach long gone, the pain in your heart and head, all gone.
“I love you” You whispered, looking deeply into his eyes. His smiled deepened and he kissed the top of your nose, which was now cold from the chilly autumn breeze.
“Apart from that, why would I want to dance with another, when I married the best dancer?” He asked, trying to make a joke to lighten the air. You let out a small laugh and shook your head, he laughed softly, his heart warming at the sound of your bubbly laugh.
He let go of you and stood up, lending out a hand for you to hold.
“It is getting colder outside, shall we go in, my Countess?” He asked sweetly. You smiled and put your hand in his, he pulled you up. You wrapped your arm around his bicep, your other hand gripping the rose he had given you.
“We shall, my Count” You said softly laying your head on his shoulder as he guided you back in the house. Leaving all your doubts and weariness outside.
fin.
alexei vronsky masterlist: liked this? read more!
More Posts from Auroras-fics and Others
𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐝
pairing: tangerine x reader
tw: nothing, fluff, cussing
message: to the ones who seek to be comforted whilst the outermost layer of your uterine wall sheds.
1.3K words
The rain outside softly hit the window, making sounds that could make even a colic baby sleep peacefully. Bonus is that it's cold and dark outside. Your stomach felt like the battle field when they were fighting for Helen of Troy; the Trojan War. You were in your soft bed in fetal position with a warm quilt over you, watching the raindrops fall onto the window sliding door that lead to the balcony of your apartment. Your phone was on silent, half because you couldn't muster the energy to converse with people, and also because you didn't want to.
Suddenly you heard the front door of your apartment slam open.
"Y/N!!?" A fimilliar voice yelled out, he sounded concerned. You furrow your brows and use all the core strength to sit up in bed. "Love are you here?!" He yelled out in concern. You rubbed hands against your face and laughed into your hands. The door to your room slammed open with a very distressed and worried Tangerine at your door.
"Hi" You smiled at him sheepishly. He let out a breath he was very obviously holding in. He was wearing grey sweatpants and a shirt with your face on it (initially it was a joke, you had given him the shirt on his birthday - not the only gift you got him - but maybe it isn't a joke anymore).
"Baby, you're not answering my texts or calls, I was worried" He said softly as he closed the door and made his way to the bed, he sat down beside you and put a hand on your cheek. You sighed and leaned on his hand.
"I know, I'm sorry. I was on do not disturb, didn't feel like replying to people" You sighed and closed your eyes slightly. He furrowed his brows, concerned.
"What's wrong?" He asked as he pushed a strand of hair behind your ear.
"I got my period" You whispered and looked at him with tired eyes. He relaxes his brows and nods.
"Do you want me to get you anything?" He asked generously, you shook your head and lied down into your pillow softly. You grabbed his hand and tugged it towards the other pillow on the bed.
"Cuddle me" You said and opened your arms and made grabby hands towards him. He ran his hand through your hair and kissed your forehead then stood up.
"I'll be back in a bit" He said then left the room. You turned around and covered yourself with the blanket and got comfortable. After a bit he came back, your back was turned to him. You felt the bed dip and him lifting the blanket slightly and you felt his cold feet against yours. You took in a sharp breath.
"Tan you're feet are cold" You said hiding a small smile. He wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer to his body. You turned around and wrapped your leg around his hips and burried your head into his chest, taking in his scent.
"Why'd you leave the room?" You asked.
"Locked the front door and turned the lights off" He explained, getting comfortable. You hummed and nuzzled your face into his chest. You pull away slightly and look at his shirt and look back at his face.
"What?" He asked innocently.
"Take the shirt off" You squinted your eyes at him. He let out a small laugh.
"You sure you want to?" He asked, hiding his smirk as he sat up and took his shirt off and threw it on the floor before going back to laying in bed. You softly slapped his chest and buried your face into his chest.
"No I just don't want to stare at my face when I cuddle you" You laughed into his chest. He chuckled and pulled you closer.
"You know I wear it when I'm away for work" He said as if it was a fun fact.
"Good to know you miss me while you're away" You joked.
"I'm always missing you" He added and put his hand up your shirt -well his shirt- and traced circles on your back.
"Really? I always thought you flirted with other women while you're away" You smirked and lifted your head slightly to see his face. He tusked and glared down at you. You smiled at him and he kissed the top of your head. Then there was a silence. A comforting silence. The sound of the rain hitting the window, the sound of the wind blowing outside. It was the perfect weather, and laying beside a perfect man. Life couldn't get any better.
"You know how you have the keys to my place, and I have the keys to your place?" Tangerine started, still tracing shapes on your bare back. You nodded, too tired and in pain to respond properly.
"Well I've been thinking for a while, and we've been dating for a long time" Tangerine started.
"Where are you going with this?" You asked lifting your head.
"Move in with me" He said simply looking into your eyes. You opened your mouth to say something but nothing came out. Moving in with each other was a big deal, but what was the point of dating if it's not going anywhere?
"What do you say?" He asked still looking at you with hope in his eyes.
"Don't you live with Lemon?" You asked.
"He lives next door. He's just over a lot when you're over there because he loves you" Tangerine rolled his eyes, but you know that it's fake annoyance. He loved that the only other person he's ever cared about approves and loves you.
"Only if Lemon approves" You teased.
"Please he'd be the first person to help you move your things over there" He scoffed. You laughed and laid your head on his chest again.
"Well I'll have to pay off the rent for this month for this place" You explained and started worrying.
"I'll pay it off" Tangerine shrugged as if it was nothing.
"Fuck no" You lifted your head and glared at him.
"My love please" He sighed.
"No I am an independant woman, in a modern world and you, a man, are not going t- mmmph" You started your little speech about feminism but he cut you off with a kiss. Once he pulled away you slowly opened your eyes to see him with a cheeky smile.
"Some feminist, letting a man shut you up by kissing you" He teased. You glared at him and opened your mouth to say something but he beat you to it.
"Baby, you know I support women, I respect women, but please let me do this for you. I'd do anything for you, whether you'd like for me to or not" He said and kissed your slightly pouting lips.
"Okay" You whispered and laid back down on his chest.
"But only this one time, once I get my name on the lease at your place, I pay for half the rent" You explained.
"Lemon put your name on the lease already" Tangerine whispered, hoping you wouldn't hear.
"WHAT?" You sit up and stare at him.
"I told him to, it's been there for three days now, I just needed to find the courage to ask you" He gave your a sheepish smile. You laughed, but it turned into a wince when a new cramp hit.
"Woah take it easy" He sighed and made you lay back down on him.
"Tangerine, the man who kills for a living, the man who came home from a bullet train job with a bullet hole in his neck, the man who has countless of times slept with me, was nervous to ask me to move in with him?" You giggled into his chest.
"Alright" He mumbled and rolled his eyes with a smile on his face. "You're just asking for it now" He warned.
"You wouldn't, not when I'm literally bleeding out" You giggled.
"Oh yeah?" He threatened. You nodded. He started tickling your stomach making you fall into fits of giggles.
"S-stop Tan" You laughed as he continued to tickle you.
"I warned you" He laughed.
"S-stop I'm gonna piss my pants" You laughed, making him laugh even harder.
fin.
tangerine masterlist
𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐑: 𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐌𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞
pairing: dave lizewski x reader
warning: not proof-read, or complete (sorry (not really))
“Davie baby” You said happily as you jumped onto the sofa next to him while he was playing a video game with two of his best friends on the TV with his gaming console. Dave’s head turned before his eyes got to you.
“Yes, my love” He answered, his attention on you instead of the game now. You smiled,
“I was thinking we watch a movie tonight, tomorrow’s a holiday and we can have a little movie date night” You smiled at him as you suggested the idea. He smiled at the enthusiasm in your voice and was about to reply but someone had said something in his headset, making him turn to the TV.
He bit his lip softly, and turned back to you with a guilty expression on his face. Your smile faltered slightly and you purse your lips and tilt your head to the side, you knew either Todd or Marty had asked to play a few more rounds.
And Dave was a people pleaser, he gave you a guilty look, and opened his mouth to say something but you beat him to it.
“I’ll heat the popcorn and get the chips ready while you play a few more rounds?” You asked and shrugged. His eyes held the guilt and his lips turned into a sorry smile.
“You are the best” He said simply, pecking your forehead quickly before turning to the TV, you rolled your eyes with a sad smile on your face, got up and walked to the kitchen to get the snacks ready.
You understood why he wanted to play a few more rounds with his friends, he had been busy these past few weeks, his engineering internship and with his college classes, he had been booked, but now with thanksgiving break, he had gotten the chance to take a break.
He had wasted the first Saturday and Sunday finishing up remaining work and packing his bags, then he spent the next five days at his parents house, visiting them for thanksgiving. You would have gone with him to visit your family too, but your boss didn’t let you.
Especially since restaurants were very busy during Thanksgiving time, and he needed you to work double the shifts – he did pay you extra and give you free turkey to take home. He was a nice boss, he even let you take home a small bottle of the finest wine in the restaurant for Thanksgiving day.
You had spent the holiday alone in your apartment, Dave had called you late at night when he was in bed, ready to go to sleep just to catch up with you, but the call only lasted 5 or 10 minutes before he started snoring through the phone. His snores cut you off, and you ended the call, calling it a night yourself.
You had woken up to 5 texts from him apologising for falling asleep and promising to spend all his time with you when he was back. Now that he was back, he wasn’t really doing that. You take the popcorn out of the microwave and pour it into a big bowl for the both of you to share.
click here: (link does not exist yet bc author is too lazy to complete the story) to read the whole thing!
click here to go back to NAVIGATION
marauders as things my friends and i have said:
some words have been changed to fit the theme. pureblood = brown
Sirius: So then I was like, 'Yeah mum, I would marry someone for their money!' and then she was like, 'Okay at least marry someone who's pureblood' like ew, shut up you inbred cousin fucker.
Remus: ... I really, deeply, truly, believe you would benefit from therapy.
𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐄𝐈 𝐕𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐊𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓
❝𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐲, 𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝, 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝, 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐛𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐧, 𝐚𝐧𝐝- … 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐢 𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮.❞
this movie made me want to die. and i'm not even joking. he was so fucking beautiful. the whole time in my head i was telling myself 'it should be me' everytime anna and alexei had a scene together.
pairings: alexei vronsky x fem!reader
REQUESTS: Open / Closed
TW for this section:
cussing
smut
fluff
angst
abuse
violence
discrimination
bullying
talking shit (?)
body dysmorphia
mention of adultery
pregnancy (?)
social norms of the time (sexism)
that should be it but if i miss any do let me know! as alwayssssssss, i'll have a little a/n to warn you guys on what TW's are present in the fic.
since i'm really bad at describing clothing, i'll add in a picture of the dress i'm imagining at the end of the fic. i mean i'll try my best to describe it but no guarantees.
for this section since it's back in the day and they didn't have phones... i won't do a little camera roll thing, sadly.
now, without a further ado...
PRESENTING...
→ 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐄𝐈 𝐕𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐊𝐘
smut:﹗
fluff: ♡
angst: ✦
miscellanies: 𖦹
❝𝐢𝐟 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐢 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧.❞
one shots:
A Rose for your Thoughts 𖦹
mini series:
n/a for now
more is on the way!
click here to go back to NAVIGATION
i love this fic so much i don't thinkn you understand. i've read it over 5 times now. this is my guilty pleasure.
The Return
Alexei Vronsky x f!reader
Summary: "Darling, I’m sure Anna doesn’t want to monopolize our evening. Perhaps we should..." "Don’t worry," you cut in, your voice as sweet as it was sharp. "I’m just catching up. Three months is, after all, quite a long time to be away."
Warnings: angst, hurt, reconciliation, sensitive topics, mention of betrayal (not consummated), rebuilding trust, intense and emotional dialogues
A/N: anon, I hope I do justice to your request - I hope you enjoy reading <333
Masterlist
The train moved through the vast whiteness, cutting through the snow like a pioneer in unknown lands. The rhythmic sound of the wheels against the tracks filled the silence of the cabin as you gazed at the landscape through the window. Snowflakes gathered on the glass, creating ephemeral patterns that quickly disappeared with the warmth of the cabin. The winter was always harsh, but there was something poetically beautiful in the monotony of the icy horizon.
You pressed the small bundle of letters against your chest, feeling the rough paper in your hands. Alexei's words echoed in your mind, the familiar phrases you'd read and reread countless times over the past three months. "I hope the snow is gentle with you," he had written in the last letter. "Natasha misses you, and so do I. Come back to us soon."
Alexei's handwriting had always been precise, almost meticulous, but it seemed to have lost something. Perhaps a fluidity, or the warmth with which he used to end each message with affectionate declarations. Not that he had been cold; far from it. But there was a restraint in the words, as if he were trying to hide something. You shook your head, pushing the thoughts away. There was no room for doubt. Alexei was your husband, and your nearly three years together had been surprisingly harmonious for an arranged marriage. You had built something real, something that seemed unshakable.
The longing tightened like a knot in your chest. It was almost impossible to be away from Natasha, your daughter, who was under two years old and already the light of your days. You could imagine her now, perhaps playing with the blonde curls she had inherited from Alexei or dragging some toy across the floor of the hall. Alexei would surely be close by, attentive, although not the type to show excessive affection. He had a magnetic calm, a charisma that drew looks and trust from everyone around him.
You closed your eyes for a moment, remembering his face. The sharp features, the hair he always kept immaculate, but which seemed to rebel against control in the most intimate moments. His eyes, as clear as ice melting under the sun, held a depth that disarmed anyone who looked at them long enough. And yet, there was gentleness there, a softness he reserved only for you and Natasha.
The train made a turn, shaking lightly. You held your purse at your side and glanced at the clock. Only a few hours remained until you reached the station, and the thought quickened your heartbeat. What would the reunion be like? You felt your hands anxious, the words you might say to him forming and dissipating in your mind.
You opened the last letter again, your eyes following the familiar words. "The house is emptier without you. Natasha calls for you every night. I’ve been distracting myself with... events, but it’s not enough. Please come back to us soon." Something in the sentence felt hesitant, as though there was more he hadn’t said. But before you could reflect further, the train gave a final jolt, announcing the approach of the destination.
You took a deep breath, putting the letter away and straightening your posture. Soon, very soon, you would be home.
The station was alive with the sound of carriage wheels on the pavement, hurried footsteps, and voices muffled by the steam of the trains coming and going. The air was heavy with the smell of burning coal and the biting cold of winter. You gripped your suitcase tightly, your heart pounding in your chest as you stepped off the train. It had been almost three months away from home, away from him, away from Natasha.
Your gaze swept over the crowd, searching for a familiar figure. Men in top hats and heavy coats hurried past, women wrapped in shawls shielded their faces from the cold, but it wasn’t any of them you were looking for. Then, you saw him.
Alexei stood near a cast-iron column, his imposing stature setting him apart from the chaos around him. He wore a dark gray overcoat that accentuated his broad shoulders, and a black hat partially shaded his face. But it was impossible not to recognize those eyes—clear as ice in the sun, watching you with intensity, as though the world had stopped.
You paused for a moment, unable to breathe, unable to believe that you were finally here. He took a step forward, removing his hat with an elegant gesture, revealing his perfectly styled blonde hair, though a stubborn lock fell over his forehead. Time seemed to freeze around him, the bustling station blurring into an indistinct haze. All that remained was him.
"Alexei," you whispered, your voice choked with the emotion rising to the surface.
He didn’t respond immediately. Instead, he walked toward you with long, determined strides, his face controlled, but his eyes betraying a storm of feelings. When he stopped just inches from you, the silence between the two of you seemed to speak louder than any words.
"You’re back," he finally said, his deep voice heavy with something you couldn’t name. He seemed so calm, so restrained, but the way his eyes traced every line of your face, as if making sure you were real, betrayed how much he had missed you.
You let the suitcase fall to the ground and took a step toward him, unable to hold back. The distance between you vanished when you threw yourself into his arms, your fingers gripping the heavy fabric of his overcoat as you buried your face in his chest. He seemed stiff at first, as though the moment had caught him by surprise, but in seconds, his arms closed around you, strong, protective, as if he never wanted to let go.
"Alexei," you murmured again, the sound muffled against him. The words failed, but it didn’t matter. The way he held you, with an almost desperate firmness, said everything he couldn’t express.
He tilted his head, his face buried in your hair. You felt the warmth of his breath on the top of your head, the subtle touch of his lips against your strands. "I was counting the days," he murmured, his voice so low you almost didn’t hear it. "Every damn day."
You pulled away just enough to look at him, your eyes full of the tears you’d tried to hold back. "Me too. I counted them too, Alexei."
He raised one of his hands, his broad, strong fingers sliding along the side of your face, wiping away a lone tear that had escaped. "You’ve lost weight," he observed, concern evident in the softness of his voice. "But still beautiful." The corner of his lips curved into a brief smile, a shadow of the charisma you knew so well, but still devastating.
You laughed, even though the emotion still tightened your throat. "And you look... more tired. Is everything okay? And Natasha? Is she okay?"
"She misses you. We both do," he replied, the smile fading as seriousness returned to his face. "She’s at home, waiting for you. She kept looking at the door every day, asking when you’d come back."
Your heart squeezed at the words, at the image of your daughter so small and eager for your presence. "I need to see her," you said, the urgency growing.
"Let’s go home," Alexei said, effortlessly taking your suitcase and holding your hand with the other. "We’ve waited long enough."
As he guided you through the station, his hand firm on your back, you felt that despite the chaos around you, there was something solid in being next to him again. The connection between you both seemed to have withstood time and distance, but deep down in your heart, you still felt a shadow, something you couldn’t name. Something hiding in the corners of your thoughts and in the glances that Alexei, as loving as they were, couldn’t completely mask.
The carriage jolted gently as it moved through the icy streets of St. Petersburg. Outside, the sky was painted a dark gray, and the snow covered everything like a white blanket. Inside, warm and cozy, you couldn’t stop looking at Alexei. He was sitting beside you, one hand holding yours, his gaze fixed on the window as if he were lost in thought. The silence between you was only filled by the sound of the horses’ hooves on the road.
"So," you began, your voice breaking the silence, "what happened while I was gone? How is Natasha? Is she eating well? Is she sleeping properly? And you? Alexei, is everything okay?"
He turned his face slowly, his clear eyes landing on you with an intensity that almost made you shrink. "Natasha is fine," he replied, his voice low and controlled. "She missed you, but she’s strong. I... I’m fine. Don’t worry about me."
"Of course I worry," you retorted, narrowing your eyes. "Three months, Alexei. Almost three months without seeing her. Without seeing you. Don’t tell me not to worry."
He sighed, his free hand rising to loosen his tie. "It was... a busy time," he admitted, looking away. "But now you’re here. That’s what matters."
Busy. The word hung in the air, heavy and vague. You studied him in silence, noticing small details that hadn’t been there before. The stiffness in his shoulders, the subtle dark circles under his eyes that the soft light of the carriage couldn’t quite hide, and something in his eyes – a shadow, a weight that seemed to have settled in during your absence.
"Busy how?" you insisted, feeling an increasing need to understand.
"Society matters," he said, evasive. "Ball after ball, endless appointments... nothing worth mentioning now. We’re almost home. Natasha’s waiting for you."
His words were like a barrier, a calculated response to end the subject. You wanted to insist, wanted to ask what exactly had been consuming him, but something in his tone – and maybe something in you – made you pull back. It wasn’t the time, not yet.
When the carriage finally stopped in front of your house, your heart raced. Alexei stepped down first, extending his hand to help you down, the gesture so natural and courteous it seemed like an extension of who he was. You accepted, stepping down carefully and looking at the familiar facade of the residence. Everything was the same, yet at the same time, something felt different.
Inside the house, the warmth of the fire in the hearth and the scent of burning wood wrapped around you in a feeling of comfort. Your eyes scanned the space, searching for her – your daughter, your Natasha. And then you saw her.
She was in the arms of a nanny, sitting near the fireplace. Her blonde hair shimmered in the warm light of the fire, and her rosy cheeks were rounder than you remembered. She turned her head when she heard your steps and blinked, as if trying to confirm that it was really you.
"Natasha," you called, your voice thick.
The little girl blinked again before a wide smile lit up her face. "Mommy!" she cried, squirming in the nanny’s arms until she was placed on the floor.
You couldn’t wait. You knelt on the rug and opened your arms, barely believing you’d finally have her in your arms again. Natasha ran towards you with hurried, awkward steps, stumbling slightly but not stopping until she threw herself into you.
"My girl," you murmured, holding her against your chest and burying your face in her soft hair. She smelled of soap and something sweet, something you could only describe as her.
Natasha began to speak excitedly, her words tumbling over each other as she told you about things that, to her, were grand adventures – the new toys, the walks in the garden, the stories her father had told her before bed. You laughed and cried at the same time, absorbing every detail, every word, as if you needed to make up for all the lost time.
"You're so big now," you said, holding her face in your hands. "My big girl. I missed you so much."
"I missed you too, Mommy," she replied, her words coming out a little jumbled, but still clear enough to warm your heart.
For a moment, you forgot everything – the station, the unanswered questions, the subtle changes in Alexei. All that mattered was the comforting weight of your daughter in your arms and the feeling of finally being where you were meant to be.
You lifted your eyes to Alexei, who was leaning against the doorframe, watching the scene with an expression that was impossible to decipher. "We're together again," you said, your voice soft and full of emotion. "Finally together."
Something passed through his eyes, something that made him look away for a brief moment before he replied. "Yes," he said, but the word seemed to carry more weight than it should have. He took a step forward, kneeling beside you.
"Natasha," he called gently, and the little girl turned to him with a radiant smile. "Are you happy now? Mommy is home."
"Happy," Natasha replied, laughing and grabbing one of his hands while still holding yours.
The moment was perfect, almost. But the way Alexei looked at you – as if there was something he wanted to say, but couldn’t – left a small shadow lingering over your heart. You pushed the thought aside, determined to enjoy the reunion. After all, you were home. With them.
Dinner went by in a mix of light conversations and moments of pure joy. Natasha, always chatty, monopolized much of the attention with her stories and childish laughter, and you could hardly contain your smile seeing her so excited. Sitting at the table with your family again felt like a balm for your heart, something you had longed for through endless weeks. Alexei, in turn, remained a bit quieter than usual, but still participated with occasional comments, always attentive, always directed to you or your daughter.
After dinner, you took on the task of putting Natasha to bed, refusing any help. It was a moment you wanted for yourself, a ritual you had missed so much during your absence. In the little one’s room, you dressed her in a soft cotton pajama, decorated with tiny flower designs, and sat by her bed while she snuggled under the covers.
"Sing to me, Mommy," Natasha asked, her sleepy eyes already blinking slowly.
"Of course, my little flower," you replied, stroking her hair before you began to sing a soft lullaby, one that your own mother used to sing to you.
When Natasha finally fell asleep, breathing softly against her pillow, you stayed for a few more minutes in the room, just watching her. Her chest rose and fell in a peaceful rhythm, and her little face, lit by the dim light of the lamp, seemed like the perfect picture of peace. Your heart filled with an almost overwhelming love, so intense that it was hard to put into words.
As you left the room, you made your way to the master bedroom. The house was quiet, and the hallways seemed bathed in a cozy dimness. When you opened the door, you found Alexei sitting in an armchair near the fireplace, a glass of wine balanced in his hand. He had changed out of his formal dinner clothes into a white linen shirt, unbuttoned at the collar, and lighter pants. His golden hair was a bit messy, as if he had run his fingers through it several times. The fire cast soft shadows on his face, highlighting his strong jawline and marked cheekbones.
You paused for a moment in the doorway, watching him without saying anything. He seemed lost in thought, his clear eyes fixed on the fire. There was something about him that always made him seem a bit younger and yet filled with a maturity that made him irresistible – a mix of vulnerability and strength that seemed uniquely his.
"You’re very thoughtful," you said, finally breaking the silence as you closed the door behind you.
Alexei lifted his eyes, and his expression softened when he saw you. "Just thinking about how much I missed you," he replied, his voice low and filled with sincerity.
You walked over to him, feeling the warmth of the fire as you drew closer. "Three months," you murmured, stopping beside the armchair. "It felt like an eternity."
He set his wine glass aside and reached out his hand, pulling you gently into his lap. You let yourself be guided, snuggling against him as his strong arms closed around you. His scent – a mix of wood and something subtly citrusy – was so familiar that it made your eyes close for a moment.
"You’ve lost weight," you said, a touch of concern in your voice as you traced your fingers along his collar. "Haven’t been eating well?"
"Do you think food tastes the same when you're not here?" Alexei replied, a slight smile curving his lips. He tilted his head, his clear eyes searching yours. "You’re the heart of this house. Nothing feels right without you."
His words, so simple and direct, made your heart race. You lifted one hand to touch his face, your fingers brushing the line of his jaw. "You have a way of saying things that completely unravels me, Alexei," you admitted, your voice barely a whisper.
He smiled, the kind of smile that seemed to carry so much affection it almost hurt. "Just being honest," he replied, leaning in to brush his lips against yours. The kiss was soft at first, almost hesitant, but it quickly deepened, becoming more intense, filled with longing and need.
When his lips finally pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours, his warmth surrounding you completely. "Promise me you’ll never stay away for so long again," he asked, his tone more vulnerable than you were used to.
"I promise," you replied, feeling a lump form in your throat. "But you have to promise me something too."
Alexei tilted his head, his clear eyes fixed on you with an intensity that made your heart race. "Anything," he said, his voice low and deep, filled with sincerity.
"If something is wrong, if something is weighing on you, I want you to tell me," you continued, holding his gaze. "We’re a team, Alexei. We always have been."
For a moment, he didn’t respond, just watched you as if trying to memorize every detail of your expression. Then he slid one of his hands to your face, holding it with a gentleness that contrasted with the evident strength in his fingers.
"I promise," he murmured, but the way he said the words – slow and measured – suggested something deeper, something he wasn’t ready to share yet.
Before you could respond, Alexei leaned in to kiss you again, and this time, there was no hesitation. The kiss was a fusion of longing and need, filled with everything that had gone unsaid during the three months you had been apart. You felt his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you closer, as if he needed to prove to himself that you were there, real and present.
"You have no idea how much I missed you," he said against your lips, his voice rough and broken.
You closed your eyes, absorbing the warmth of his confession as your fingers slid into his hair, messing up the golden strands even more. "I know," you whispered, your heart tight with the weight of lost time. "I missed you too... everything about you."
Alexei didn’t respond with words. Instead, he rose from the armchair with you still in his arms and walked toward the bed. The movement was so natural, so full of intention, that you found yourself unable to look away from him.
"Three months," he murmured as he gently laid you down on the sheets, his eyes roaming over your face as if he were trying to memorize every detail. "It was the longest three months of my life."
You reached up to touch his face, tracing the line of his strong jaw and the contour of his lips, now curved into an almost imperceptible smile. "Then let’s not waste another moment," you replied, your voice soft but filled with conviction.
He didn’t need any more encouragement. Alexei leaned down, his lips finding yours again, but this time with a passion that was both raw and controlled. His hands explored every familiar curve, as if he needed to remember every part of you.
The night unfolded in a mix of whispers, touches, and moments of pure connection. He was gentle, as always, but there was a new intensity, something that spoke of lost time and how much he had longed for you. Every gesture, every word whispered in your ear seemed to carry the weight of everything you both hadn’t been able to express during the months of separation.
In the end, you found yourself nestled against his chest, your heart still racing while his fingers traced lazy patterns on your back. His breath was deep and steady, and you closed your eyes, allowing yourself to relax completely for the first time in months.
"Promise me you won’t leave again," he whispered, breaking the silence.
"I promise," you replied, your voice thick with exhaustion and the overwhelming love you felt for him.
And while the world outside continued with its concerns and challenges, there, in Alexei’s arms, you finally found the peace you had longed for.
The following days brought a routine that you embraced with more joy than you expected. After three months apart, every detail of life at home seemed more significant. The familiar scent of the freshly tended garden, the soft laughter of your daughter echoing through the halls, the sound of Alexei talking with the servants — all of it formed a comforting mosaic, bringing back the feeling of belonging.
Still, there was something different.
Alexei remained attentive and engaged, but you noticed moments when he seemed lost in thought. His eyes, so expressive, carried a restlessness that he masked well. It wasn’t anything glaring, but you noticed. A lingering stare into nothing, slightly delayed responses, a subtle change in tone by the end of the day. It was subtle, but you could feel the difference, as only someone who knew him so deeply could. Still, you decided not to press him. The reunion was still recent; maybe time would erase any shadow that was troubling him.
It was in this context that the first big event since your return took place: a ball.
The night arrived with a light chill, which seemed to accentuate the elegance of the event. The mansion hosting the ball gleamed like a jewel under the starry sky, with torches lighting the path flanked by snow-covered trees. Carriages arrived one after another, unloading elegantly dressed guests, while servants hurried to collect coats and organize the entrance.
Inside the hall, the atmosphere was even more breathtaking. Crystal chandeliers reflected the candlelight in a sparkling display, casting golden and silver patterns on the ornate walls. A string quintet played softly, filling the air with elegant music, while the scent of fresh flowers and wine lingered in the atmosphere. Guests in luxurious dresses and impeccable suits moved gracefully through the space, their voices in animated murmurs, interspersed with restrained laughter.
You entered the ballroom alongside Alexei, his arm firmly resting on yours, a gesture that seemed natural and yet carefully displayed for society. He looked impeccable in his formal uniform, with golden details accentuating his broad shoulders and proud posture. His hair, always carefully styled, reflected the light as if it were made of golden strands, and his light eyes scanned the room with a gaze that was both warm and vigilant.
You had also prepared carefully for the occasion. Your deep blue dress contrasted with the lighter tones around you, the silver embroidery seeming to capture the light with every movement. The elegant neckline and long sleeves accentuated your silhouette, and you felt the gazes following you as you walked past him.
"Everyone’s watching you," Alexei murmured in your ear, his tone both protective and proud.
You smiled, not looking directly at him. "Maybe they’re watching you."
He tilted his head slightly, as if considering your response, but the playful gleam in his eyes revealed that he liked the idea.
However, as the evening went on, something changed.
As you conversed with some acquaintances, you noticed diverted glances, muffled whispers, and a growing discomfort began to settle in. It wasn’t paranoia; people were definitely talking about something. Their polished smiles and courteous greetings barely masked the tension on the faces of those you knew well.
It was during a pause in the music that you saw it.
Alexei was on the other side of the room, speaking to someone you immediately recognized: Anna.
She looked stunning in a red dress, her dark hair perfectly arranged, and a smile that seemed to enchant everyone around her. Alexei was slightly leaned toward her, which in itself wasn’t unusual—he had always been attentive in conversations. But there was something in the way he looked at her, an intensity you had never seen before.
Your heart tightened, and you felt the world around you slow down for a moment.
You quickly averted your gaze, pretending to be interested in a glass of champagne that a servant offered. Your face betrayed nothing; you knew how to control your emotions in public. But inside, questions began to form, each one more difficult than the last.
Alexander approached with a cordial smile, his imposing figure standing out in the already rich environment of ornaments and luxurious dresses. His suit was impeccable, a deep gray that contrasted with his brown eyes, so different from Alexei’s. Despite the physical and personality distinctions, there was something about him that inspired the same aura of confidence and power as his brother.
"Allow me to steal you for a walk, my dear sister-in-law," he said, his voice low and polite, but still carrying the warmth that always made you feel welcomed.
You accepted without hesitation, offering him a smile that didn’t reach your eyes. "It would be a pleasure."
Alexander extended his arm, and you took it, allowing him to guide you away from the conversation circle you were in. The murmurs and laughter from the ballroom seemed to grow in the background as you moved at a slow pace, wandering between the marble columns and the glow of the chandeliers.
"How has your return been so far?" he asked, the conversation casual, but his observant eyes betrayed something deeper.
"Tiring," you replied, with a practiced lightness. "But I’m relieved to finally be back."
Alexander let out a soft, almost imperceptible laugh. "I imagine it wasn’t easy to leave everything behind for so long."
"It wasn’t," you admitted, turning your face to watch the guests dancing in the center of the ballroom. "But some things can’t be ignored, as you well know."
He nodded, but didn’t say anything for a moment. Then you felt it: the looks he gave you, longer than they should’ve been, almost condescending. There was no judgment in them, but a kind of compassion that made you feel an increasing discomfort.
"Does something about my appearance seem off?" you asked, trying to hide your unease with a light joke.
"Not at all," he replied quickly. "You look stunning tonight."
You knew he wasn’t just being polite, but the weight behind his words was hard to ignore. Alexander wasn’t one to speak too much, but his ability to convey the unspoken was almost unbearable.
"Did Alexei mention anything about my absence?" you asked, finally gathering the courage to address the matter that had been on your mind since you entered the ballroom.
"Alexei..." Alexander began, but then stopped, his eyes fixed on something—or someone.
You followed his gaze. There was Alexei, still by Anna Karenina’s side. She was laughing at something Alexei had said, her head slightly tilted toward him. And Alexei… He had that look in his eyes. Something soft, something captivating. Something you rarely saw when he looked at anyone else.
The world around you seemed to slow down, every sound muffled, as if the entire ballroom had fallen silent. You felt Alexander’s arm move slightly beneath your hand, bringing your attention back to him.
"Anna is a remarkable lady," Alexander said, his voice low and controlled.
"I know who she is," you replied, almost not realizing you had spoken out loud.
"Of course you do," he murmured, but there was something in his tone that suggested more than mere confirmation.
You continued walking, but your attention kept drifting back to the sight of Alexei and Anna. The way he leaned slightly toward her, his smile—not forced, but genuine.
"Alexander," you began, your voice sounding more hesitant than you would’ve liked. "Is there something I should know?"
He hesitated, just enough for the tension in the air to rise. "You know Alexei has a restless heart. He’s like a bird who sees an open window and can’t resist the curiosity."
"That doesn’t answer my question," you retorted, your hand tightening slightly on his arm.
"Because some questions don’t need to be answered," he said, giving you a look that was both understanding and protective.
There was a latent pain in his words, as if he understood perfectly what you were feeling, but knew that no explanation could ease the weight in your chest.
You glanced at Alexei again, and this time, you met his gaze. He saw you, and for a moment, something in his expression changed. It was as if the magic of that moment with Anna had been broken, as if he were a boy caught in a forbidden act.
You adjusted your dress with an automatic gesture, while the muffled sound of the orchestra seemed like a distant soundtrack to the turmoil inside you. Alexander stepped away after a brief farewell. Each step he took toward Alexei and Anna was a decision that reverberated in your chest like the echo of a heavy bell. The distance between you seemed like an abyss, but still, you kept going. There was no turning back now.
Alexei straightened up, adjusting his suit as if that could somehow protect him from the intensity of your gaze. Beside him, Anna turned, offering a calculated smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
"Darling," Alexei began, his voice sounding controlled, but without the familiarity you so longed for. "We were just talking about—"
"Don’t worry," you interrupted softly, your tone impeccable but with a hint of ice. "I don’t want to interrupt."
Anna tilted her head, as if analyzing every word you said. "It’s always nice to meet such a courteous soul," she said, the smile remaining but with something sharp hidden in her expression. "I was just commenting to Alexei how charming this ballroom is. It’s no wonder so many important events happen here."
"Ah, yes," you replied, keeping your tone polite but feeling the lump in your throat grow. "This is the kind of place where people meet, isn’t it? But I must say, I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting your husband, Anna. Isn’t he joining you?"
Her smile faltered for a moment, but quickly recovered. "Unfortunately, he couldn’t come today. Business, you understand."
"Certainly," you murmured, letting the word hang in the air, laden with meanings that no one dared mention. "I imagine it’s difficult to keep up with all the engagements when one is so busy. I’ve felt the same since I returned. It seems there’s so much I’ve missed."
Alexei cleared his throat, his unease evident. He shot you a quick, almost pleading look, but you ignored it, keeping your eyes fixed on Anna. "But it’s good to know that Alexei has been in good company while I’ve been away," you added, a soft, almost imperceptible smile touching your lips.
Anna responded with a polite laugh, but you noticed the slight tension in her shoulders. "Ah, of course, Alexei is a gentleman. He was just telling me about some… society matters."
"He’s truly very helpful," you said, tilting your head, as if reflecting. "Always so thoughtful."
Alexei intervened, his voice low but firm. "Darling, I’m sure Anna doesn’t want to monopolize our evening. Perhaps we should..."
"Don’t worry," you cut in, your voice as sweet as it was sharp. "I’m just catching up. Three months is, after all, quite a long time to be away."
The words fell like stones on a glass surface. The ballroom around you seemed to grow quieter, or perhaps it was just your perception, distorted by the growing pain inside you. Your fingers trembled slightly, but you hid them between the folds of your dress, struggling to maintain the flawless appearance.
Anna smiled, but this time the gesture seemed more like a mask than anything else. "Well, I won’t steal any more of your time. It was a pleasure, as always."
"Certainly," you replied, nodding your head in farewell, but the look you cast at Alexei was not one of farewell. It was something deeper, something you knew he would understand.
As she walked away, the silence between you was deafening. Alexei reached out to touch your arm, but you took a step back, keeping your gaze fixed on him.
"Not here," you murmured, your voice low and controlled, though the tremor in your hands betrayed the chaos inside you.
He hesitated, as if wanting to argue, but the weariness in his eyes seemed to silence him. You turned on your heel, head held high, and began to walk away, but the weight in your chest was overwhelming.
As you moved through the ballroom, the noise around you slowly returned, but it felt distant, as if it came from a world you no longer belonged to. With each step, you felt the pieces of the puzzle falling into place, and each one pierced your soul like a sharp blade.
As you walked between the guests, your dress impeccably adjusted and your smile carefully positioned, the emptiness in your chest seemed to expand with each passing moment. The conversation with Alexei and Anna had revealed more than words could express; it was as if a veil had been torn, exposing something you had suspected, but refused to accept.
The glances that always seemed to last a second longer than necessary, the muffled whispers when you passed... now it all clicked. It wasn’t just your imagination, it wasn’t just the insecurities of a wife who had been away too long. It was something tangible, something that everyone there knew and that you were just beginning to understand.
You moved between the groups, smiling and waving mechanically, refusing to stop long enough for anyone to notice the crack growing in your mask. Alexei, for his part, kept his distance, respecting the space you clearly required, but still, you felt his gaze on you, heavy and silent, as if each time your eyes met, he was trying to say something.
The dinner table was a lavish sight, filled with delicacies that would have been irresistible on any other occasion. But now, just looking at the dishes made you feel nauseous. The last thing you could bear was pretending to have an appetite. You grabbed a glass of wine, more out of a need for something to hold than a desire to drink.
You tried to engage in the conversations, but the words of the others reached you like indistinct echoes. It was as if everyone in the room spoke a language you no longer understood. When someone mentioned Alexei, even casually, you felt the weight of the words, as if they were stones thrown at you.
The night seemed to drag on endlessly, each minute a silent torture. You deliberately avoided Alexei, moving from group to group.
When the moment to leave finally arrived, relief mixed with anguish, as if leaving the ballroom could ease the pain, even if only for a moment. Alexei waited for you by the entrance, as he always did, but this time there was something different about him. He didn’t try to touch your hand, didn’t make any casual remarks to break the silence. He simply opened the carriage door, and you stepped in without looking at him.
The ride back home was enveloped in an almost unbearable silence. The carriage swayed gently along the road, but every movement seemed to intensify the tension in the air. You kept your eyes fixed on the window, watching the passing lights and trying, in vain, to find some sense of normalcy in what had once been so familiar.
Alexei tried to speak once. "I..." he started, but his voice died the moment you turned to him, your gaze firm yet silent, saying everything that needed to be said. He sighed, leaning back in his seat, and didn’t try anything further.
The ride home was a blur, and when the door to the bedroom clicked shut behind you, echoing in the heavy silence of the house, it felt like an inevitable trigger. What had once been carefully controlled—the expressionless face, the calculated steps, the impeccable posture—crumbled as soon as you found yourself alone.
The first tear slipped silently down your cheek, warm and heavy, followed by another, then another. You tried desperately to stifle the sound rising in your throat, but the sob came, breaking the silence like a desperate wail.
Your legs gave way, and you leaned against the edge of the bed, your hands trembling as they gripped the fabric of your dress. All the weight of what you felt seemed to collapse at once—the pain of betrayal, the humiliation of the glances in the ballroom, the emptiness growing inside you.
Then, without warning, you heard footsteps behind you. Alexei. He must have heard the muffled sound of your crying or simply knew he couldn't leave you alone in that moment. He entered the room, and upon seeing you like this, his eyes filled with something impossible to describe — regret, pain, perhaps even desperation.
"No," you managed to say, your voice choked, your teary eyes meeting his. "Don't come closer."
But he didn’t stop. He ignored the warning in your voice, the protests in your expression. His large, firm hands gently landed on yours, which were still trembling, trying to push him away, but he didn’t give in.
"Don’t do this, Alexei," you whispered, your voice breaking. "No... I can’t..."
He didn’t respond with words. He simply pulled you close, wrapping you in his arms, the firmness of his touch contrasting with the gentleness with which he held you, as though you were something precious and fragile he feared breaking even more.
"Why?" you asked, your voice desperate, almost a muffled scream against his chest. "Why wasn’t I enough? Why, Alexei? I tried... I always tried..."
Your hands pushed against him, or at least tried to, but he remained still, his own hands holding you tighter, as if fearing you would escape. You struggled, but it was futile. He was stronger, and you didn’t have the energy to fight against his grip or the storm of emotions consuming you.
"I loved you," you continued, the words coming out in broken sobs. "I still love... And that wasn’t enough, was it? I gave up everything for you, and you... you..."
But the words were lost in the crying. Your voice disappeared, but the tears kept coming, hot and relentless, soaking the fabric of his shirt as you collapsed. Alexei still hadn’t said anything. He didn’t try to explain, didn’t try to justify. He just held you, pressing your face against the top of your head, his lips touching your forehead in a gesture that seemed desperate.
"Why don’t you say anything?" you murmured, your voice weak and hesitant, mixed with the sobs. "Say something, Alexei... Please..."
But he couldn’t. His hands held you as if he could keep you whole with just his touch. His breathing was irregular, almost as frantic as yours. He seemed as lost as you, as incapable of dealing with what was happening as you were.
Eventually, his strength gave out. The crying subsided, the sobs becoming more spaced out until exhaustion overtook you. You stopped trying to pull away, stopped fighting against his grip. Your body went limp in his arms, exhausted, defeated.
Alexei remained there, holding you as if he could rebuild everything with the strength of his embrace, as if he could erase the pain with his closeness. But the space between you, invisible and overwhelming, seemed to grow with each passing second. Your breath, once broken by crying, was now just a tired whisper against his chest.
He finally loosened his grip, just enough to look at you. His eyes, so familiar, were now filled with a weight you had never seen before — something almost unbearable to face. He raised one hand, hesitantly, to touch your face, but you turned away slightly, pulling back in a way almost imperceptible. It was enough for him to freeze.
"Please," you whispered, your voice hoarse and broken, barely more than a thread of sound. "Please, Alexei, go away."
His eyes widened slightly, as if your words had hit him hard. He opened his mouth, perhaps to say something, to protest, but the silence in the room seemed to swallow any attempt.
"I can't..." He stopped, his voice faltering. "I can't leave you like this."
You turned your gaze away, unable to bear the way he looked so desperate, so lost. "I can't sleep with you here tonight. Not like this," you admitted, feeling each word tear at you like glass as it left your mouth. "Please, Alexei. Just... just go."
He took a step back, as if the words had physically pushed him away. The pain on his face was evident, as if you had taken something essential from him. He looked at you with a mix of disbelief and anguish, before slowly shaking his head.
"You can't push me away like this," he murmured, his eyes shining with torment he couldn’t hide. "We never... we never sleep apart."
You closed your eyes tightly, trying to ignore the tremor in his voice, the weight of the memories those words brought. "I know," you replied, your voice barely audible. "But tonight... I need it. I need space, Alexei."
For a moment, he seemed about to argue, to take another step toward you. But then he saw something in your eyes — something that made him stop. The pain you were feeling was there, raw and open, impossible to ignore. And seeing it, something inside him seemed to break.
He stepped closer one last time, hesitantly, as if each movement was a battle. "I..." His voice faltered, and he swallowed hard. "I never meant to hurt you. Never."
You didn’t respond. Not because you had nothing to say, but because you were too broken to find the words.
When he raised his hand, this time to touch your cheek, you instinctively pulled back. It was subtle, but enough for him to notice. The pain in his eyes turned into something deeper — pure despair, as if that small gesture had taken away any ground he still had left.
"I will," he finally said, his voice low and rough, each word weighed down with something that felt like a ton. "But that doesn’t mean I’m not here. I... I’m not going anywhere, understood?"
You just nodded, not meeting his eyes, your body still tense with the weight of everything that had happened that night.
Alexei stood still for another moment, as if trying to memorize the moment, or perhaps gathering the courage to leave. When he finally turned, the sound of the door opening and closing behind him was both a relief and a final blow.
You stayed there, alone in the room, the silence once again filled only by the sound of your irregular breathing. And for the first time in a long time, the bed felt immense, cold, and empty.
The night was an endless torment. The silence of the room felt larger than any physical space, filled only by the echo of what had happened. You stayed sitting at the edge of the bed, staring into the emptiness, unable to lie down on the surface that still held his warmth. The feeling of Alexei’s absence was suffocating, but the thought of sharing the same space with him again so soon was even more unbearable.
The minutes dragged on until they became hours. Every sound in the house seemed amplified: the distant creaking of wood, the rustling of the wind against the windows, the occasional footsteps of someone downstairs.
When morning finally began to break the sky, painting the room with a gray, hesitant light, you heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps in the hallway. Slowly, almost hesitantly, they approached the door. The knock was soft, almost restrained, but still it echoed like thunder in your chest.
"I'm leaving," his voice came through the wood, low and hoarse, carrying a weight that seemed to suffocate every word. "Please... take care of yourself."
You remained silent. Every part of you screamed to respond, to open the door, but the pain weighed heavier. Silence became your only answer. On the other side, you heard a nearly imperceptible sigh, and then the footsteps receded. When the front door closed, the sound reverberated through the house like a final warning, leaving everything even emptier.
When you finally found the strength to leave the room, the sun was higher, casting a soft glow over the halls of the house, but you didn’t feel any warmth. The cold seemed to have settled inside you, a constant weight that made each movement feel like a Herculean task.
Little Natasha was in the living room, playing with a set of dolls, her face illuminated by the innocence you knew you should protect at all costs. But at that moment, even before she looked up at you, something changed in her expression.
"Good morning, Mommy," she said, her sweet, hesitant little voice.
You forced a smile, but it felt as if every muscle in your face was being pulled against your will. "Good morning, my love."
She put down the dolls and ran to you, her small arms wrapping around your legs. It was such a simple, genuine gesture that it made something inside you break again. You bent down and held her, squeezing her to your chest as if she were your anchor.
"Are you sad?" Natasha asked, her voice muffled against your shoulder.
"No, my angel," you replied, but the hoarseness in your voice was deceitful. "Mommy is just a little tired."
Natasha pulled away slightly, her blue eyes — so incredibly similar to Alexei’s — locking onto yours. They were curious, deep in a way that seemed impossible for someone so small.
"You look sad," she insisted, her little fingers reaching up to touch your face, as if she could wipe away a tear that hadn’t even fallen yet.
You held her tiny hand, squeezing it gently. "Mommy is fine, I promise," you said, but the lie was so fragile that it felt like it could shatter at any moment.
She didn’t respond, only nestling back into your arms. You closed your eyes, inhaling the soft scent of her hair, and allowed yourself to simply feel the moment. But even in that tenderness, there was a throbbing pain.
Natasha was a living reminder of Alexei. Every feature of hers — the eyes, the soft hair, the curious expression — was a painful reflection of the man you loved, but who now seemed so distant. With each glance at her, you were reminded of what was at risk, of what seemed to be crumbling beneath your feet.
You held your daughter a little tighter, trying to find comfort in that closeness. But the pain was there, persistent and unbearable, like a shadow you couldn’t shake off.
The attraction to Anna had been as unexpected as it was unsettling. It wasn’t something Alexei had sought or even desired, but there was something about her that seemed to challenge every fiber of his sensibility. She was enigmatic in a way that eluded him, a vibrant presence amid the salons and social gatherings that otherwise seemed so monotonous. Her beauty was undeniable, but that wasn’t what fascinated him. It was the way she seemed to exist in her own world, as if she were always one step ahead of the expectations society imposed on them.
In the early casual encounters, he had thought it was just a passing curiosity, an innocuous distraction. But as the months dragged on and the absence of his wife was felt more acutely, Anna became a beacon of something undefinable, something he couldn’t ignore. They never crossed any lines. Not a touch, not a kiss. But the long conversations, the glances that lasted a second longer than allowed, were enough to create a chasm of doubt within him.
Now, looking back, Alexei hated himself for letting it happen. It was a betrayal not only to his wife but to everything they had built together. He couldn’t deny that the distance between them during her absence had fed something dark. With her gone, the days had become unbearably empty. Her absence was a constant echo that resonated in every corner of the house, and he, in his weakness, had sought comfort in a presence that should have meant nothing.
But Anna wasn’t his wife. She wasn’t the woman who had shared his fears, his dreams, his life. She wasn’t the mother of his daughter, the companion he had sworn to protect above all. And now, in the present, the price of that weakness was almost unbearable.
The days since the ball had been torture. She avoided him with an almost supernatural skill, and he couldn’t blame her for that. All he knew about her came from the servants, who neutrally mentioned the places she was or the hours she spent with Natasha. He didn’t see her, and it was killing him.
That morning, while holding his daughter in his arms, Alexei felt an almost suffocating despair. Natasha, with her silky hair and eyes so incredibly like his, was a reminder of everything he could lose. She nestled against his chest with unwavering trust, her small fingers clutching his collar as she murmured something about playing in the garden. He ran his fingers through her hair, trying to find some peace in that moment, but the guilt was overwhelming.
“How could I do this?” he whispered, more to himself than to anyone else. His wife’s face came to mind, not the hardened look from the ball, but the way she used to smile at him when she thought no one was watching. The memory was so painful it almost made him lose his balance.
His mother had warned him countless times, her words as sharp as they were precise. He still remembered her stern tone during a recent argument, one of the few moments when she had truly lost her patience with him.
“Anna is not for you, Alexei,” she had said, her eyes flashing with something bordering on disdain. “Your wife deserves more. Your daughter deserves more. And you... you should be ashamed.”
He had stormed out of that conversation furious, but now he understood the weight of her words. He was ashamed. Deeply. And the worst part was knowing that, no matter how hard he tried, there was no way to go back in time and undo the damage he had caused.
Natasha, sensing the tension in his body, lifted her face to look at him, and her innocent gaze completely disarmed him. She was so small, so confident that her father was the best man in the world. He felt a sharp pang of desperation as he realized that, if he continued like this, he might lose that too.
Alexei couldn’t take it anymore. The silence that once was an almost invisible wall between you two now felt like an impenetrable barrier. He saw the servants walking through the halls, casting furtive glances of pity and caution, bringing scarce news about you. “She’s still in the room, sir,” they would say. “She hasn’t eaten anything again today.” Every word was a stab, and that morning was no different. When the maid returned with the untouched tray, Alexei felt something inside him break.
Without a word, he took the tray from her hands and climbed the stairs, his heavy footsteps echoing through the house. The door to the room you used to share was closed, and for a moment, he hesitated. Since that night, he hadn’t crossed that threshold. He hadn’t dared. But now, he had no choice.
Pushing the door open, he found you sitting in front of the vanity, impeccable as always, but so different. The dress perfectly aligned, your hair styled with perfection. Not a strand out of place. But what hit him the most was the absence. The absence of color in your face. The absence of the sparkle in your eyes. And the absence of any trace of the love he used to feel, even without you needing to say it.
“You need to eat.” His voice came out harsher than he intended. He placed the tray on the small table next to the bed, watching you through the reflection in the mirror. “If you keep going like this, you’ll end up sick.”
You didn’t respond, your fingers busy with a small brooch pinning your collar. The silence that followed was suffocating, until your voice cut through the air like a blade: “Alexei, I want a divorce.”
“Please,” he said, his voice hoarse, almost inaudible at first. Then, stronger, more desperate. “Please, don’t do this. Don’t say that. No…”
You remained firm, your eyes fixed on him, but the trembling line of your lips betrayed the colossal effort you were making to keep your composure.
“Alexei…” your voice was low, almost a whisper, but the weight of what you said was like a direct blow. “I can’t anymore… I just can’t.”
“But you love me.” He said it like a prayer, as if repeating those words could undo everything that was happening. He stepped forward, his eyes pleading, shining with a desperation he could barely contain. “You said you loved me. You still love me.”
“I love you.” Your confession came quickly, but as harsh as a blade. “And you know that. But it wasn’t enough, Alexei. It was never enough.”
He fell to his knees in front of you, his chin trembling, his hands outstretched toward you as if begging for his very life. “Then what do I do?” He asked, his voice breaking. “Tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix this. I’ll do anything, anything you ask. But don’t ask me to let you go. Please, I can’t…”
You turned your gaze away, but he saw the tears threatening to spill, even as you held them back with all your might. “I don’t know if there’s anything to fix.” Your voice faltered, but you quickly regained composure, lifting your chin. “I don’t know who we are anymore, Alexei.”
“We are us.” He almost shouted, desperation taking over him. “We are us! No matter what happens, we are us. I can’t... I can’t imagine my life without you. Without Natasha. I can’t bear that.”
“And I can’t bear being with someone who destroyed me like this.” Your tone was firm, but the pain you felt was as evident as his. You saw him close his eyes tightly, as if trying to push away the weight of your words, but they had already lodged themselves in him like splinters.
"Please." He reached out again, this time gently holding your arm, his touch trembling, almost reverent. "Please, don't do this. Tell me what I need to do to fix this. Tell me... anything."
You finally looked at him, and his eyes were so full of desperation that for a moment, something inside you wavered. "I need time." Your voice broke, and you hated how much saying that hurt. "I need time, Alexei. I can't even think straight with you like this. With us like this."
He slowly shook his head, as if he didn’t want to accept it. "Time?" He asked, the word coming out like a sentence. "I can give you time, but... what if you decide you don’t want to come back to me? What if you decide that... it's over?"
You took a deep breath, the tears you were trying to hold back finally streaming silently down your face. "I don’t know, Alexei. I don’t know."
The room fell into unbearable silence, broken only by the uneven sound of his breathing and your stifled sobs. Finally, he stood up, his hands trembling, his eyes red. "I’ll wait." His declaration was low, but carried a firmness that seemed impossible given his state. "I’ll wait as long as it takes. But don’t give up on us."
You didn’t answer, unable to find the words. And as he left the room, the door closing softly behind him, you collapsed to the floor, feeling as if every part of you was falling apart.
In the days that followed, Alexei’s absence in the room was like a constant shadow, a gap you didn’t know how to fill. He had respected your decision for space, yes, but he wasn’t truly absent. It was impossible to ignore the small gestures that betrayed him: a tray of tea and biscuits appearing on your table, accompanied by a short but warm note. “At least this,” the latest one said, with slanted handwriting and a palpable care.
The servants didn’t comment, but you knew. You knew he asked about your meals, about your health, about anything that could ease the guilt he carried. He was present in a discreet way, almost invisible, but so tangible that you couldn’t shake the feeling that he was always near, still caring, still watching.
Alexei’s mother’s visit came without warning, on a gray morning, when the heavy clouds outside mirrored the weight you carried in your chest. The maid announced her presence, and you felt your stomach churn. Though there was respect between you two, Mrs. Vronskaya had always been an imposing figure, surrounded by a natural authority that seemed to demand reverence.
You hesitated before going downstairs to meet her, but you didn’t have the strength to refuse. Deep down, you knew this conversation was inevitable.
When you entered the room, Alexei’s mother was already there, sitting impeccably in one of the armchairs, her heavy coat carefully folded beside her. She raised her gaze as soon as you entered, and for a moment, something in her eyes seemed to soften.
“You’re so thin,” was the first thing she said, instead of a greeting, her tone direct but filled with concern.
“I’m fine,” you replied, your voice soft but firm.
“No, you’re not.” Her response was immediate, with no room for debate. She gestured for you to sit, and when you did, the silence that followed was as thick as the cold morning air.
Mrs. Vronskaya wasn’t a woman who minced words, and you knew she was there for a reason. Still, it was you who broke the silence. “Why are you here?”
“For you,” she said simply, her eyes fixed on yours. “And for Alexei.”
You clenched your hands in your lap, trying to maintain composure. “If you came to defend him, know that you don’t have to. He’s already done that on his own.”
His mother slightly tilted her head, as if weighing her words before responding. “I didn’t come to defend him. I came to listen to you. Do you think I don’t know what’s going on in this house? That I don’t see the pain in both of your eyes?”
The mention of pain stung like a sharp needle. You looked away, staring at the floor, but her voice continued, firm and soft. “I never supported Alexei’s involvement with Anna. I made that clear from the start. Not because she’s married, but because I knew something like this wouldn’t end well. My son has always had this weakness... this tendency to be captivated by the new, the different. It’s part of who he is. But I also know he’s a man who loves deeply. When he loves, he gives himself completely.”
You raised your eyes to her, and there was something there, a mixture of hope and desperation that you couldn’t hide. “And what guarantees me that this love will be enough?”
“I can’t guarantee,” she admitted, her words direct but without cruelty. “But I can say that, since you entered his life, Alexei has changed. He found balance in you. I saw it with my own eyes. And I know that, even with the mistakes he’s made, the love he feels for you is real. I know that you still love him.”
Your heart tightened, and for a moment, you almost wanted to deny it. But what would be the point? “Loving doesn’t seem like enough,” you murmured, more to yourself than to her.
“Maybe it’s not,” Alexei’s mother replied, leaning slightly forward, her hands resting on her knees. “But sometimes, love is what gives you the strength to find a way, even if it’s painful. I’m not here to ask you to forgive my son. I’m here to tell you that, whatever your decision is, you won’t be alone.”
The sincerity in her words hit you like an unexpected blow, and you felt your eyes burn. But no tear fell. “I don’t know if I can get over this. Sometimes, it feels like the distance between us is insurmountable.”
“The distance is great,” she agreed. “But you’re speaking as if he’s on the other side of an abyss. He’s not. Alexei is trying to reach you, even if awkwardly. Don’t you see that?”
You closed your eyes for a moment, trying to control the emotions threatening to overflow. “I see. But every gesture of his just reminds me of everything that’s been lost.”
Alexei’s mother nodded, her gaze softer than you’d ever seen. “That’s natural. But I also want you to know that you’re important to me. Not just as my son’s wife, but as the woman who made his life better. If you decide that you can’t continue, I’ll understand. And even then, you’ll still be part of my family. Always.”
Those words broke something inside you, but they also brought a small relief. You stood up, and she did the same, holding your hand firmly for a moment before letting it go.
“Thank you,” was all you could say.
“Take care of yourself,” she replied, her voice carrying an unexpected gentleness.
Later, as you walked down the hallway, you heard Natasha’s laughter echoing through the house. Peeking through the slightly open door, you saw Alexei sitting on the floor, holding the little one in his arms, her golden hair shining in the light coming through the window. Your chest tightened painfully. It was impossible to deny how much Natasha looked like her father — in her features, her smile, even in the way she seemed to light up the room.
You stayed there for a few seconds, watching. Alexei could hardly believe it when he lifted his eyes and saw you standing there, at the door, your gaze fixed on him and little Natasha. For a moment, he froze, as if any movement could shatter that fragile moment. The weight in your eyes hit him like a punch, and for a second, he wondered if he should call you, ask you to join them.
But before he could even open his mouth, you looked away and disappeared, leaving the door slightly ajar. The absence was an immediate emptiness, a cold that spread through him even with Natasha still nestled in his arms.
“Daddy?” The sweet, small voice of his daughter broke the silence. Natasha tilted her head to look at him, her golden curls falling over her forehead. “Who was there? Was it Mommy?”
Alexei swallowed hard, trying to hide the tightness in his chest. He adjusted Natasha in his arms, snuggling her close. “It was, my little one. But... Mommy had to go.”
“Doesn’t she want to play with us?” Natasha asked, her big, bright eyes searching for an explanation.
Alexei closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gather his strength. How could he explain something that he himself didn’t fully understand? How could he justify the choices that had led them to this point?
“It’s not that, sweetheart. Mommy is... tired. And sometimes, when we’re tired, we need some time to rest alone.”
Natasha furrowed her brow, clearly thinking about the answer. “But Mommy told me she loves us. She still loves you, doesn’t she?”
Those words, so simple and direct, pierced Alexei. He took a deep breath, feeling the weight of it all on his shoulders. “Yes,” he finally replied, his voice low and hoarse. “Mommy loves you very much. And I’m sure she still loves Daddy too.”
“Then why don’t you stay together? Grandma said that love makes everything better.”
He felt his stomach twist when he heard the mention of his mother. Her visit was still fresh in his mind, a reminder of how much he had failed — not just with you, but with himself. She hadn’t spared any words, and the silent disapproval in her gaze still burned in his memory.
“Because Daddy made a mistake,” Alexei finally said, choosing his words carefully. “And sometimes, even when you love someone, you need to show that you can get better before things get better.”
“Will you get better, Daddy?” Natasha asked, her little fingers touching his face as if she wanted to make sure he was paying attention.
“I will,” Alexei replied, his tone now firm. “I promise you, Natasha, that I will fix things. I’ll do everything I can to bring Mommy back to us.”
“Can I help?” Natasha smiled, as if the simple thought of being helpful could solve any problem.
Alexei chuckled softly, kissing her forehead. “Your help already means everything to me, little one. Just having you here with me gives me strength.”
He hugged her tighter, letting that moment between father and daughter carve itself into his memory. Meanwhile, behind the affection he shared with Natasha, Alexei felt the weight of a decision solidifying. He knew he couldn’t allow himself to fail again. He couldn’t disappoint you, or himself, or that little creature who looked at him with so much love and trust.
When Natasha finally got distracted with one of her toys, Alexei stayed there, silently watching her. His conversation with his mother echoed in his mind, every word heavy with meaning. He felt ashamed, crushed by the realization that he had ignored advice and gut feelings that could have prevented all this pain.
But the shame wasn’t enough to paralyze him. It was a flame, something he would use to fuel his determination. Alexei knew the road to you would be difficult, painful. But looking at Natasha, so much like you and so full of life, he found a new resolution.
He didn’t just want to fix things — he needed to. And he would do it, no matter how much time or effort it took.
The change didn’t happen all at once, but it was like spring after a long winter. Alexei didn’t let a single day pass without trying, without showing how much he was willing to repair the mistakes that had brought so much pain.
He started with simple gestures. A fresh rose picked from the garden, carefully placed in your room. He would stop in front of closed doors, hesitating, but not knocking, respecting the space you had asked for, yet unable to stop leaving something, no matter how small, to let you know he was there.
Over time, he began to include Natasha in his attempts, inviting both of you to join him for a walk in the garden or for a special snack. And although you still didn’t join him, he noticed that the coldness from before was fading, replaced by something more neutral. More human.
The maids would mention that you were starting to eat normally again, that the pallor that marked your face had begun to give way to its natural color. Alexei saw this too, in brief glimpses — a soft curve at the corner of your lips when Natasha said something funny, a distant look, but less painful, when you thought no one was watching.
And then, that night, fate brought the opportunity he had been waiting for.
The storm had started earlier, with thunder echoing in the distance and gusts of wind blowing through the windows. Alexei was in the living room when he heard the door open, and before he even turned around, he knew it was you.
You entered the hall, your hair drenched and stuck to your face, the dress weighed down with water. He immediately got up, his heart racing at the sight of you like that.
"My God, you're completely soaked." His voice was low but full of urgency as he approached. You hesitated for a moment, as if considering pulling back, but eventually allowed him to come closer.
Alexei grabbed a wool shawl from a nearby chair and gently wrapped it around your shoulders. "Come. Let’s get these clothes off before you get sick."
His tone was practical, almost automatic, but there was something in his movements — the way his fingers trembled slightly as he adjusted the fabric over you, the care he took to avoid looking directly into your eyes — that betrayed the depth of his feelings.
You followed him to the bedroom, your steps light and almost silent on the carpet. The tension was palpable, an almost visible thread between you both. He gestured for you to sit in the chair near the fireplace. You did, your eyes fixed on the flames as he moved around the room, grabbing clean towels.
Without saying a word, he knelt before you, gently removing the pins that held your hair with firm, yet tender fingers. Each pin made a soft metallic sound as it fell onto the towel he had spread across his lap. You didn’t pull away.
Alexei then stood up, hesitating for a moment before reaching for the ties on your dress. He paused, looking at you for permission. You nodded slightly, enough for him to continue.
The knots loosened slowly, and the sound of the wet fabric coming undone seemed to fill the room. He helped you stand and wrapped a dry robe around your shoulders before stepping back, giving you space to sit again.
When he finally spoke, his voice was almost a whisper. "I’m so sorry."
You lifted your eyes to him, something shining there that he couldn’t decipher. “What about her?”
Alexei froze. For a moment, it seemed as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. “Anna?”
You nodded, your expression still unshaken, but the tension in your shoulders betrayed the effort you were making to stay strong.
“It was nothing,” he said finally, his eyes searching yours as if he wanted to beg you to believe him. “Nothing that justified... nothing that was worth this.”
“And why?” Your voice was soft, but cutting, like a blade piercing straight through his heart. “Why her? What did she have that I didn’t?”
Alexei ran a hand through his hair, clearly distressed. “I don’t know. She was... different. Something new, something I had never known. But it wasn’t love, it wasn’t... you.” He knelt in front of you again, his hands gripping yours tightly, but without hurting you. “Nothing ever came close to you. I was a fool for letting this come so close.”
You looked at him, your face still unreadable, but your eyes starting to shine. “What if I had stayed away longer? What if it were someone else, Alexei? How can I trust that this won’t happen again?”
Alexei remained kneeling in front of you, his eyes glowing with a desperation that seemed to suck the air out of the room. He didn’t move, neither closer nor farther, as if even the slightest shift could break the fragile connection that still existed between you.
“You are everything to me,” he repeated, his voice heavy with raw vulnerability. “But I know that just saying that isn’t enough. I know I can’t erase what I did, the pain I caused.”
You didn’t answer immediately. Your mind was in turmoil, each of his words crashing against the walls of your own pain, echoing. Finally, almost in a whisper, you asked, “Did you... did you two ever...”
Your voice faltered before you could finish the sentence, but the meaning was clear. Alexei’s eyes widened, as if the question had cut deeper than anything else. He shook his head quickly, almost frantic.
“No,” he said firmly, his voice a little louder, but still choked. “Never. I never did that. I never even kissed her.” He swallowed hard, lowering his gaze for a moment before meeting your eyes again. “I was a fool, a complete idiot for letting her occupy so much space in my head, but it wasn’t... physical. It wasn’t love. It was... it was a weakness of mine, a fascination with something I didn’t even know I was seeking. And I hate myself for it. I hate myself for hurting you this way.”
You felt the weight of every word, the warmth of his sincerity reaching something deep within you, but the pain was still there, alive and pulsing.
Alexei leaned in slightly, his hands still holding yours, but loosely, as if preparing for the inevitable moment when you would pull away. “I’d give anything to go back in time, to make the right choices from the start. To never have allowed anything to come between us. But all I can do now is this. Ask, beg for a chance to be better for you.”
His eyes shone, tears threatening to fall, but he didn’t look away, as if he couldn’t allow himself to hide anything from you. When he finally moved, it was to wrap his arms around your waist, a hesitant, almost fearful gesture.
“Please,” he whispered against the fabric of the robe you were wearing. “Please, tell me there’s still something in your heart that will let me fix this.”
You stood still, your body rigid as if you were trying to decide what to do. He didn’t dare move any further, his face hidden against you, breathing deeply as if it were the last time he could do so.
And then, almost imperceptibly, you raised your hand, your fingers hesitantly touching his hair. It was a small gesture, but to Alexei, it felt as though the whole world had stopped. He lifted his face, surprised, but didn’t say anything.
Your fingers threaded through his blonde hair, the touch soft, but steady, and something in him gave way. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against your stomach as he let out a sigh that sounded almost like a sob.
“I don’t know what to do,” you admitted, your voice low but filled with emotion. “I don’t know how to get past this, Alexei. But... I can’t stop loving you.”
He lifted his gaze to you, his eyes misty, but with a spark of hope. “I don’t need you to know right now,” he said, his voice trembling. “I just need you to let me try. Let me prove that I will never disappoint you again.”
The silence that followed was thick, but not empty. It was full of all the unspoken things, all the emotions that still needed room to exist between you.
Finally, you nodded slightly, the gesture almost imperceptible, but enough for him to understand. He didn’t smile, as if he knew there was still no room for joy, but the tension in his shoulders eased, and he held you more firmly in his arms without hurting you.
“Thank you,” he murmured, so softly that you almost didn’t hear it, but the weight of that word hung in the air between you, carrying all the love, regret, and promise he had to offer.
The night was calm, wrapped in a stillness broken only by the soft sound of rain against the windows. You were in Natasha’s room, the little one’s hair illuminated by the warm light of the lamp. She was lying on the bed, hugging the battered teddy bear she insisted on carrying everywhere.
“Now close your eyes, my love,” you said, your voice low and gentle as you adjusted the blanket around her small body. “It’s time to sleep.”
“Will you sing for me?” she asked, her eyes, identical to Alexei’s, shining with expectation.
You smiled, a small but genuine smile, as you began to hum a melody your mother used to sing to you. Her little hand held yours, as if that gesture were essential to the moment.
The door creaked softly as it opened, and Alexei stopped in the doorway, his tall figure illuminated by the hallway light. He hesitated when he saw her there, his eyes resting on the scene with an expression of tenderness so raw that it seemed to contradict the strength of his presence.
For a moment, he considered turning back, letting that moment belong only to the two of you. But then Natasha turned her head, her sleep-messy hair spreading across the pillow.
“Daddy,” she called, a sleepy smile lighting up her face. “Are you going to put me to sleep too?”
Her request was an unexpected bridge between the two of you. Alexei looked at you, a silent question in his clear eyes, the same ones Natasha had inherited. There was something so vulnerable in his gaze that the air seemed to grow a little heavier.
You nodded almost imperceptibly, making space beside the bed. He stepped into the room, each movement carrying a rare hesitation from him. When he approached, Natasha reached out her arms, and he leaned in to kiss her forehead before sitting beside the bed, opposite you.
“Now we’re all here,” she said, content, holding both of your hands.
“Does that mean you’re going to sleep for real now?” Alexei asked, his tone soft but tinged with amusement.
She shook her head, a mischievous smile appearing. “But I like when you’re both here with me. Daddy, mommy...”
The sound of that word hit him like a sweet blow. Mommy. It was simple, but hearing it from his daughter’s lips, in the context of that intimate scene, felt like a reminder of everything he was trying to protect.
Natasha shifted between you, her eyes slowly closing as she mumbled random words about the day. “I want a brother,” she murmured suddenly, her eyes blinking lazily before closing again.
Alexei let out a soft laugh, surprised, and looked at you. “A brother, huh?”
“Yes,” Natasha answered with a yawn, her eyes already closed. “To play with me.”
You and Alexei exchanged a glance, his expression softening in a way that rarely happened. When she finally fell asleep, her breath light and steady, he carefully adjusted her in the bed, leaving a kiss on the top of her head before standing up.
He moved closer to you, extending his hand to help you rise. You accepted, and he didn’t immediately release your hand, holding it between his as if afraid that the moment might slip away.
“She’s just like you,” you commented, your voice low as you looked at Natasha.
“No,” he replied, his eyes fixed on the small, sleeping face. “She’s the best of both of us.”
There was a comfortable silence between you, the usual tension replaced by something softer, more hopeful. He looked at you, his clear eyes carrying a tenderness that seemed almost shy.
“About what she said…” he started, hesitating for a moment.
“Alexei,” you interrupted, your tone almost exasperated but with a small smile.
“I know, I know,” he said, raising his hands in surrender, but his smile was back, something rare and so genuine that it made your heart ache.
The door to Natasha’s room closed softly, muffling the sound of her calm breathing. You and Alexei stayed in the hallway for a moment, as if the moment required silence, a reverence for the scene you had just shared. He seemed to hesitate, his hands sliding into the pockets of his suit jacket, a nervous gesture you knew well.
“She’s always known how to disarm us,” you commented, breaking the silence, your voice low but full of tenderness.
He looked at you, the corners of his lips curving into a nearly shy smile. “It’s an innate talent. I don’t think she got that from me.”
“Maybe from me, then,” you replied, your tone playful, something he hadn’t heard in a long time.
His smile widened, but there was something deeper in his eyes, something that kept him quiet for too long. You were about to ask what he was thinking when he turned slightly, his body leaning as though about to leave.
“Alexei.”
He stopped immediately, turning to face you again. You took a deep breath, gathering the words you wanted to say.
“You don’t have to go back to the other room,” you said, your voice soft but carrying something more. “If you want... you can come back to our room.”
The words came out before you could reconsider, and for a moment, the silence in the hallway seemed absolute. Alexei blinked, disbelief written on his face, as if he wasn’t sure he’d heard you correctly.
“Is that what you want?” he asked, his voice so low it was barely a whisper.
You looked at him for a moment, your eyes searching his, which seemed to scan every nuance of your expression. “It’s a step, Alexei,” you replied, sincere. “I think we’re ready to take a step.”
He let out a breath that seemed to have been held for a long time, his shoulders relaxing a bit. “I...” He stopped, shaking his head as if the words were too difficult.
“And besides,” you continued, your voice light but carrying something almost mischievous, “if we really want to give Natasha a sibling, I think it makes more sense for us to be in the same room, don’t you think?”
His eyes widened, surprised, and for a moment, he stood completely still, as if the words had been a shock he hadn’t expected.
“You...” He started but didn’t finish, his gaze fixed on your face as if trying to process the subtle, but significant change.
You raised an eyebrow, the playful look returning to your expression, something he immediately recognized. “It’s just a practical matter,” you finished, your voice slightly provocative.
He stepped forward, the hesitation giving way to something more determined, his gaze intense and fixed on yours. “Practical,” he repeated, as if testing the word.
The air around you seemed to carry a familiar tension, something that had always been there but now felt more tangible, more urgent. You saw the shadow of a smile play at the corners of his lips, and you couldn’t resist.
“You’re taking this very seriously, Alexei,” you teased, your voice lower now, only to be interrupted.
He leaned in, his lips meeting yours with an intensity that made your heart race. The kiss was both tender and desperate, as if he were pouring everything he couldn’t say into words. Your hands went to his shoulders, a gesture to steady yourself, but instead of pushing him away, you pulled him closer, allowing yourself to finally give in to the moment.
When you pulled apart, your breaths were shallow, and Alexei kept his forehead pressed to yours. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this,” he murmured, his voice hoarse, full of emotion.
The night seemed silent, the kind of silence that embraced the house like a heavy blanket, protecting the sounds that belonged only to that space. The room you once shared was almost exactly as before, but something felt different now. It was the same space, but it carried the weight of everything you had lived through—and survived.
Alexei was sitting at the edge of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees, watching you as you took off your robe and prepared to lie down. His gaze was intense, but not unsettling. It was a gaze of reverence, as if he couldn’t believe he was here again.
“It’s strange, isn’t it?” you asked, breaking the silence, your voice soft but full of emotion.
He looked up at you, a small smile appearing on his lips. “Strange... and familiar at the same time.”
You moved closer slowly, feeling the warmth radiating from him even before you sat down beside him. For a moment, you stayed there, side by side, your hands almost touching. The small space between you seemed heavy, but also filled with something new—hope.
“I thought about this so much,” he murmured, turning slightly to face you. “About what it would be like... having you here again. Being with you like this.”
“And how is it?” you asked, your playful tone trying to mask the vulnerability behind the question.
He chuckled softly, but there was a gleam in his eyes, something deeply sincere. “It’s better than I allowed myself to imagine.”
You felt your heart tighten, but it was a different kind of tightness now, something less painful and closer to healing. You reached out to him, your fingers touching his gently. He intertwined his fingers with yours, the gesture so familiar it brought tears to your eyes.
“Alexei...” you started, but he interrupted you, his eyes fixed on yours.
“I know,” he said, his voice soft but firm. “I know it will take time. That this is just the beginning. But please, tell me there’s a beginning.”
You nodded, feeling your throat tighten with emotion. “There’s a beginning,” you replied, your voice almost a whisper.
He leaned forward, his forehead touching yours, and the world seemed to shrink to that moment, to that touch. “I won’t fail you again,” he promised, his voice heavy with something so deep that it made your eyes well up with tears.
“I know,” you said, the sincerity of your voice making him close his eyes for a moment, as if he were absorbing it.
You both moved together to lie down, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. When Alexei pulled the covers over you, he did it with the same care as always, as if every small gesture had meaning. You curled up next to him, his body fitting to yours as if it had never stopped being like that.
He ran his fingers through your hair, untangling the strands that had come loose throughout the day, the movements slow and almost reverent. “I feel like I’m holding a piece of the future in my hands,” he murmured, almost to himself.
“And what do you see in that future, Alexei?” you asked, lifting your gaze to meet his.
He smiled, the kind of smile that made your heart tighten with both longing and hope at the same time. “I see us. Natasha... maybe a little brother for her, if you still want,” he added, his tone lightly teasing, but his eyes shining with tenderness.
You laughed, a light and almost new sound. “Maybe,” you replied, teasing. “But one step at a time, right?”
He leaned in, his lips brushing your forehead in a gesture that seemed to carry all the promises in the world. “Right,” he agreed, his voice soft and full of emotion.
Silence fell again, but it was a different silence now. It was a silence of peace, of new beginnings. And as you curled even closer, your hearts beating in a slow, synchronized rhythm, you knew you were finally finding your way back to each other.
𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ₁
pairing: tangerine x reader
tw: nsfw, pinv, subtle dom!tangerine & sub!reader, cussing, mention of violence, song!fic, yelling, lowkey fluff
message: when you see a dead bird on the floor, don't eat it. that's all i ask of you. i am not in charge of what you read, only you and God can condemn to your sins. i don't care if you're underage; unless you enjoy, in that case, thank you.
Part 1 of Strangers in the Night
5.4K words
Walking swiftly to the platform, you stare at your ticket to make sure you had everything on there, so that there were no complications later on. You bumped into a wall and was about to fall backwards but an arm caught you by the waist.
"I am so sorry" You laughed nervously and looked up at the 'wall' you had bumped into, only for the rest of your words to get stuck in your throat.
"That's alright, y'travelling?" A man in a blue suit and a mustache asked as he smiled down at you. Not trusting yourself, you just smiled and gave him a small nod, you tried to bend down to grab the handle of your bag, but he beat you to it. He stood back up and handed it to you, while taking a quick glance at your ticket.
"Kyoto?" He asked and handed you your bag. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.
"Thank you, and yes- to both Kyoto and travelling... just to clear out any confusion...?" You sighed and then just kept talking and just shut yourself up. He let a little chuckle.
"Well I'll see you on the train then...?" He said smiling and waiting for you to tell him your name.
"Y/n" You smiled at him softly. He gave you a small smile back.
"Y/n" He said and bowed slightly before walking away to join another man who was glaring at him. You watched him walk to another man who had a briefcase in his hand, he was scolding the man you were just talking to, nodding at the briefcase in his hand. The man with the mustache rolled his eyes and pulled out a lighter and a cigarette.
"Now boarding the bullet train for Kyoto"
A woman said in speakers, after saying the same thing in Japanese. You held onto your bag tighter and slowly boarded the train with all the other people. Looking like little ants trying to get back into the pile of dirt they call home.
You searched for your compartment and stopped in front of it. People trying push past you behind you, you tried to be considerate and squish yourself closer to the compartment.
You went on your toes to try and push your bag into the luggage rack on top of your seat. But you couldn't get it in there, the limited amount of space you had didn't help.
"Allow me" A familliar voice said and helped you push your bag fully into the compartment. You let out a little scoff-laugh and turned around.
"Thank you, stranger" You smiled up at him, feeling more relaxed than the last interaction with him.
"You're welcome, Y/n" He replied back to you, smirking when he said your name.
"Weird how you know my name, but I don't know yours, makes you seem like a... stalker" You smiled and whispered the stalker.
"Tangerine" He said, his smile still on his face.
'Tangerine? Like the fruit?' 'Yes, like the fruit'
He played out the scenario in his head but what you said was nothing like it.
"Thought it'd be something unique, like Ben, guess not, very original" You joked. He let out a light scoff with a smile and shook his head. There was a rather loud cough coming from another booth that was just on the opposite side and one booth down to yours. It was the same person from before, he was looking at Tangerine with a 'You've got to be kidding me' look.
"Well I've got to go love, something tells me, I'll see you around" He said, softly grabbing your hand and giving it a slight kiss, maintaining his eyes on yours. He gently let go and walked away to sit in the same booth as the man who was just giving him a look.
He had initially sat with his back towards you but got up and told the other man to switch seat with him so he got a better view at you.
"Mate what the fuck are you doing?" The man said looking at Tangerine like he was crazy, while he was watching you sit down in your booth and put in your headphones and stare out the window.
"Will you fucking relax Lem? Nothing's gunna happen" Tangerine said half-heartedly, still looking at you.
"Don't pull the fucking 'will you relax lemon, you're worrying about nothing', you're driving me mad, we are professionals, I just want to get this overwith and here you are fucking around. God, you're such a fucking Gordon" The other man hissed at him. Tangerine finally snapped his head back to the man, who goes by the name Lemon apparently.
"I am not a Gordon" He said, offended.
"Mhm, well you're acting like a real Gordon right now" The man shrugged, and then a banter started.
'Tangerine and Lemon? Citrus themed.' You thought. You hadn't turned your music on yet so you could hear everything they were talking about.
'And was that a reference to Thomas the Tank Engine?' So many thoughts ran through your head about the mysterious duo, but the sound of your phone notifications stopped the train of thoughts. You turned your phone over and skimmed through the messages and sighed. Your family was unbelievable.
That was the whole point of this trip. You felt stuck in your apartment back at home and your family always pestering you about everything and things with your ex, you just needed an out. So you took the next flight out and into Japan.
Something about Japan was calling your name, you thought maybe the good matcha.
-
You woke up to a thud. It sounded like someone hit - well more like threw- themselves against the wall. You sighed and rubbed your eyes and looked out the window, the view was beautiful. You got up with your wallet and head out to another segment of the train, hoping to find some snacks.
You found a little section with a person behind a counter with snacks. You walked up to him smiling and picked out a small snack and got your wallet out, but someone taking their card out and handing it to the man.
"I'll pay for hers as well" Tangerine told the man and handed him his black card.
"Oh you didn't have to" You shook your head and looked at him with your brows furrowed.
"Oh but I wanted to sweetheart" He smiled at you and the man behind the counter returned his card. He handed you your snack and you shook your head with a smile, taking it from him.
"Thank you, Tangerine" You copied what he did earlier and said his name with a smirk. He looked at you, a small smile on his face.
"Allow me to walk you back" He said and offered you his elbow, you were skeptical. Here you were, trying to get away from the drama but were going to wrap your arm around a complete stranger, well rather beautiful, well groomed, tall, handsome, stranger's elbow.
But it was nothing, probably. Just him walking you back to your booth. Nothing more could happen.
"Alright, but just this one time" You joked and wrapped your arm around his elbow. He started guiding you back to your booth. He seemed like he was on the look out. His eyes darting to any place someone could pop up.
"So what brings you to Japan?" He asked, trying to make small conversation.
"How do you know I don't live here?" You asked raising an eyebrow.
"You wouldn't be this stressed, also you told me when you bumped into me" He answered simply, looking down at you (since he was taller) and gave you a cheeky smile.
"Hmm. Just to get away from family drama, needed a change" You shrugged and looked up at him. He gave you a small nod.
"And you?"
It looked like the words were stuck in him. He didn't know how to say it. He took a slight pause before answering.
"On business, with my brother" He said simply, nodding with his answer.
"What business?" You pushed, wanting to know more about him. He was this mysterious, hot, tall, handsome man who showed interest in you, of course you were going to push about it.
It was only going to be a little holiday fling.
"Well it's co- Oh shit" He started but stopped himself and cussed before grabbing your shoulders and shoving you into the restroom and got in with you, shutting the door behind him, he tried locking it but it was broken.
"Fuck" He sighed and looked around the rather tiny bathroom to see if there was anything to keep the door locked.
"I swear I saw him here" A voice came from outside as footsteps came towards the bathroom.
"What's going on? It's kind of forward of you, pushing me into a bathroom" You chuckled nervously, slightly scared.
"I'm sorry, there's just someone I'm trying to avoid" He explained, not a very detailed one but enough for you to get the gist. You nodded, your fear fading away slightly.
"Fuck" He sighed and rubbed his forehead when he realised there was nothing that could keep the door locked. You stared at him for a second and sat on the counter, next to the sink.
You unbuttoned the first two buttons of your shirt, revealing your cleavage, he looked at you, eyes going to your cleavage, lingering there for a split second, then back to your eyes and gave you a confused look. The footsteps came closer.
"What ar-" He started but you cut him off.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" You asked genuinely looking into his eyes. He shook his head, and that was the only confirmation you needed.
You grabbed the back of his neck and smashed your lips onto his, kissing him. He was shocked for a bit but slowly melted into the kiss and held your cheek as he kissed you back. You grabbed his hand and placed it on your chest. He gave your right breast a light squeeze and you moaned into his mouth. You wrapped your legs around his hips and he leaned more into you. You turned slightly to that his back was facing the door. The door slid open.
"Oh shit fuck, I am so sorry" The man with glasses cussed and quickly shut the door. Tangerine pulled away breathless. He looked at you, the both of you were panting.
"Now that was forward" Tangerine laughed slightly. You laughed.
"Well you did say you wanted to avoid him" You shrugged. He poked his tongue against his cheek, and you didn't think that this man could get any hotter. Your lips were mere millimetres away from each other, fanning each other with your breaths.
"Very quick thinking" He whispered, glancing back at your lips, your exposed cleavage, back to your lips and then to your eyes.
"Well um, you were the one who um pulled us into this very tiny excuse of a-" You started rambling but he cut you off by kissing you. He pulled away before you could kiss back to see your reaction. Your eyes looked up at him, fluttering slightly.
Without thinking, you grabbed him by his tie and pulled him back into the kiss. Your hands went back to the back fo his neck, playing with the little baby curls. You arched your back so he could get closer to you.
"Mmm wait" Tangerine panted and pulled away. You whined, he held onto your cheek and looked deeply into your eyes.
"Are you sure?" He asked genuinely. There was a look in his eyes, a look you can't quite name. Lust and something else. You nodded quickly.
"I need words, beautiful" He whispered leaning down slightly, hovering over your neck. You throw your head back slightly for him to have more space.
"Yes I want to. Please" You whispered and let out a breath. You felt him smirk against the skin on your neck. You let out a slight whimper when you felt his warm mouth on your neck, marking you. Your right hand went up to his hair to play with it and your left went down to his chest to loosen his tie.
He pulls away from you and quickly removes his blazer and recklessly throws it on the floor. He went back to kissing your neck. You moaned as he sucked a certain area on your neck. You tried to unbutton his shirt as quickly as possible, not wanting to wait any longer.
You felt his fingers work diligently on your shirt, unbuttoning your shirt quickly. You slid it off and sat up right, he moved away from your neck and looked at the marks he made.
"You look so beautiful" He whispered as he pulled away further to see your face and neck together. Knowing that he was the one to mark you, and the fact that you let him, that you were so willing to give yourself to him, turned him on.
You felt a heat fill your body, from your stomach spreading to your cheeks. Your cheeks turning red. You were going to say something but before you could he cupped your cheek and kissed you.
A genuine kiss. Not like the 'fake' kiss to get rid of the man. Not the kiss filled with lust. A kiss that was sweet, and soft. He pulled away slightly and rested his forehead on yours. You leaned into his neck and sucked on the skin there while he worked on taking your bra off. You pulled away from his neck as you felt your bra loosen.
"Look at that" You smiled cheekily at him and grazed at the red hickey on his neck with your finger softly. He looked at his neck in the mirror behind you.
"I'm gonna get an earful" He sighed and let out a little chuckle as his gaze went back to you as you dropped your bra to the floor. He didn't know how but the sight of you half naked got him even harder than before.
"Fuck" He whispered, kissing you and kissing down your neck to your tits. You let out little moans as he sucked on your nipple and massaged the other. Your hand went down to his belt and tried to unbuckle it. He lifted his head and panted as he removed his pants, pooling at his feet. He only had boxers on, and you had your leather skirt on and panties on. He lifted your skirt, bunching it at your waist, and pulled your panties to the side.
"So beautiful" He mumbled, you winced and arched your back as you felt his fingers go up and down your slit. You moaned as he slowly slid a finger into you.
"So fucking beautiful" He mumbled against your neck and traced his tongue over the already purple hickey. You arched your back, sucked in a breath and your hand went down to his wrist and grabbed it.
"Please" You pleaded. He lifted his head and kissed you. He pulled his finger out of you and pulled his boxers down just enough for his dick to spring out. He was big, probably the biggest you'll ever have. He dragged his tip along yourself, teasing you and himself. You moaned as he pushed his tip into you. He groaned and rest his forehead on top of yours. You let out a whimper.
"Fuck" He hissed as he bottomed out. He groaned as he relaxed his muscles slightly. His forehead still on top of yours, noses nudging against each other. His breath fanning your face and yours fanning his.
"Move, Tan" You wimpered, his eyes opened to look at you as you called him 'Tan' instead of 'Tangerine'. He let out a slight moan as the sight of you, eyes squeezed shut, nose crinkled slightly, lips pursed. You looked... adorable.
Which isn't something he was use to seeing, and not exactly a word he would use to describe someone in this situation. He pulled out slightly and pushed himself back in.
"Fuck, you feel amazing" He panted as he rested his forehead back onto yours. You moaned and your mouth fell into an 'o' shape as he repeated his movements in a rhythmic pattern, slowly. You hummed and tilted your head up a bit so that his lips captured yours.
The kiss was slow, passionate. Everything about the moment felt different. Not that you had that many one night stands, actually the only person you've done it with was your ex, and that was a year ago, but it was different than what it was with him.
"Mhmm move faster" You whispered onto his lips. His lips were millimetres away from yours, almost as if he's teasing you by not capturing your lips on his. He groaned at your request and started speeding up.
One hand leaning on the mirror behind you to balance himself, his other hand went up from gripping the edge of the counter to the cupping your face. You opened your eyes to stare into his blue eyes. They were clouded with lust and something soft.
"Fuck" You hissed and threw your head back as he hit a certain spot in you that made you see spots. You panted and dug your nails into his back. Your moans, his grunts, the sound of your skin slapping together and the wetness from your slick filled the pathetic excuse of a bathroom, and probably the small hallway outside the bathroom.
He started going faster, which you thought would not be possible, but he proved you wrong. You clenched around him as he tried to shove himself back into you a few more times. He was close and he needed to make sure you came first. He moved his hand that was on your cheek down your body, to your clit, and rubbed in circles.
You let out a rather loud squeak and arched your back, basically shoving your breasts into his face. He dropped his head, his forehead on yours sternum, letting his hot breath fan over the hickeys he left on your chest, adding to your pleasure.
"You're so fucking beautiful" He mumbled under his breath. You payed no mind to what he said, it was probably an in-the-moment type of thing.
"I'm gonna f-fuck- I'm g'na cum" You moaned as he put more pleasure on your clit.
"Yeah?" He panted and lifted his head from your shoulder to look at you.
"Mhmm" You hum, not trusting yourself to say anything. He smashed his lips onto yours, you kissed him back with the same force.
"Cum with me" He mumbled into the kiss and bit your bottom lip. You moaned into his mouth and he greedily ate up every single sound coming out of you. You clenched around him and came. He followed after two more sloppy thrusts. He groaned into your mouth as he came.
He pulled away from the kiss, a string of saliva attatching from both of yours lips. He shuddered slightly as he pushed into you a little bit more, just to feel you more before you parted ways, probably never seeing each other again. You whimpered as he went deeper, feeling overstimulated. You tried to close your shaky legs, but he softly spread them open again.
"Shh I know love" He whispered lovingly and kissed you softly. He pulled out and his cum spilled out of you. You looked down and laughed to yourself and rubbed your face in your hands.
"What's so funny?" He smiled and looked at you as he pulled his pants back up and grabbed his belt to put it through the loops.
"I haven't done that in a long time, and the first time I do it again, it's with a complete stranger in a bathroom, on a bullet train, in Japan" You laughed at yourself, almost in pity. He didn't buckle his belt yet and grabbed for a few tissue papers and cleaned you up as you explained what was funny. He threw the tissues into the toilet and flushed it down.
"Well hopefully it was up to your standards" He joked, he knew it was. He bent down to pick your bra and his shirt up. He helped you put your arms through the straps of your bra and hooked it up for you, watching his fingers behind your back, through the mirror. Helping each other dress up and clean up like you've done it a milion times before.
"I should be asking you that" You laughed slightly and helped him buckle his belt as he put his arms into his undershirt, buttoning it down from the top button, leaving the first two open. Once your done buckling his belt for him you started buttoning his shirt for him, from the last button, making your way up. You reached the same button he was on, your hands colliding.
You looked up at him to see him already looking at you. With the same look in his eyes — not lust. You licked your lips and was going to say something but he beat you to it, by kissing you. You kissed him back, softly. #
His hand on your cheek, cupping your face ever so softly, as if, if he were to hold you any tighter, you would break. You pulled away and rested your forehead on his.
"You didn't answer" You whispered and looked into his eyes, his eyes were soft. He let out a little scoff like chuckle.
"The best I've had" He said honestly.
He's only saying that to make me feel better. But a win is a win.
You mentally shrugged. You gave him a soft smile and pecked his lips one more time and pulled away before he could kiss back.
"I think it's rather unfair that you're fully dressed and I've yet to put a shirt on" You joked and hopped off the counter, only for your knees to buck when your feet hit the floor.
"Woah careful darlin'" He chuckled as he caught you by the waist. Much like before, except this time you were half naked. He picked your shirt up for you and helped you put it on and buttoned it up for you. You fixed yourself up in the mirror and helped tigthen Tangerine's tie and then opened the bathroom door.
It was like a wave of fresh, cool, non-sex air hit your face. He helped you get back to your seat and helped you sit down. Once you sat down, you cuddled into the little travel pillow you had. You just wanted to take a fat nap now. He smiled as he watched you cuddle into your pillow. A feeling of dread filled him and he felt sick.
"Hey listen to me" He started as he pulled your chin up to look at him. You looked up at him with big eyes. Your eyes alone wanted to make him drop everything in his life - except lemon- and take you out, spoil you, cuddle you into his bed and never leave your side. But he held back his feelings, he had to be professional. He bent down slightly.
"Listen to me, lovely, I need you to get off on the next stop" He said and cupped your face. You scrunched your brows and turned your head to look at the little screen with the location on it. You turned back to him, confused.
"But that's not my stop" You explained shaking you head slightly.
"No, listen to me, I need you to get off on the next stop. Y'understand darling?" He said deeply looking into your eyes — he meant it. You weren't really listening; the aftermath of the sex was hitting you like a train. All you could focus on was his face and the pet names he was calling you, as if he's been calling you these forever.
"Uuhm sure" You whispered with your brows scrunched and nodded, more to yourself than to him. He nodded, feeling that nauseatic feeling in his chest go away slightly. Some part of him wanted to get off the train with you. But he knew he can't. He stared at you, taking in your features.
Your eyes, your puffy lips, your nose. Every single detail. He leaned in and kissed you softly, holding your face with both hands. Your hands went up to hold onto his hands. His hands were cold compared to yours. He pulled away and rested his forehead on yours, which was a very frequently occuring thing, apparently. He sighed softly and nodded to himself.
He pulled away from you, gave you one last smile before walking away to find Lemon.
-
Lemon woke up from his nap and rubbed his eyes and looked around to see a dead body beside him.
"Holy fuck" He shook his head and stood up to go find his partner, Tangerine. He walked past a booth and heard anxious pants and small sobs coming from under a table. He stopped in his tracks and looked around, there was barely anyone left on this train. He bent down and saw you under the table with your knees to your chest, your eyes shut closed.
"Hey hey, are you okay?" He asked, concerned and put a hand on your shoulder. You shook your head. Lemon sucked in a breath and looked around.
"What's happened?" He asked softly. You let out a small sigh and opened your eyes slowly to see it was the man Tangerine was with.
"T-there was this man, I was about to get off the train and- and this man came up to me and put a gun on my back and then he was shot and then everything just went blank, and this table was here so I got under it and just..." You tried explaining but you started hyperventalating.
"Hey it's okay, you're safe now. I'm not going to hurt you" He said softly as he felt you stiffen up when he put a hand on your shoulder. You tucked your knees closer to your chest and leaned against the wall even more.
"Fuck, just um, just wait here, I'll be back" Lemon nodded, more to himself and got up and walked faster to try and find his partner.
"Fucking Tangerine" He sighed to himself and used the back of his hand to rub off the sweat on his forehead.
-
Tangerine was leaned against the door, sweat and blood all over his body. His hair that was perfectly gelled back was now all over the place. He looked defeated. He had found Lemon dead in the bathroom floor.
He felt like his life had lost its meaning. All he ever cared about was Lemon. He grew up with him, he was there for him through everything. He felt tears escape his eyes and fall down his cheek onto his now dirty dress pants.
"What are you doin'?" A judgmental voice asked and Tangerine's eyes snapped up as he saw his partner. He quickly stood up.
"You're alive?" He said and grabbed Lemon's upper arm, as if he was checking if Lemon was actually alive and it wasn't just his imagination.
"Yea, I was takin' a little nap" Lemon shrugged.
"Thank fuck" Tangerine sighed and brought his partner into a hug. Lemon stood there awkwardly.
"Can't even take a fucking nap without worrying you" Lemon rolled his eyes, even though it warmed his heart to know that Tangerine cared about him, knowing damn well that he would be in the same state if he thought Tangerine was dead. Tangerine let go of Lemon and they stood there awkwardly. Both of them knowing they would never talk about this interaction ever again.
"Your bird's still on the train, she's having a panic attack" Lemon said nodding towards the door on the other side of the train.
"What? I told her to get off" Tangerine said and started walking to the other compartment of the train to find you, Lemon following behind.
"She said she was gunna but I think one of the white death's men got to her" Lemon explained. Tangerine reached the compartment of the train you were in.
"Where?" He asked and looked at Lemon and he nodded towards the table. Tangerine walked up to the table and bent down to see you. Lemon walked away to see if there was still anyone on the train.
"Hey" He said softly, his eyes softening once he saw you. You opened your eyes when you heard his voice. His heart ached to see you in this state. You backed away from him, more into the wall behind you as if it were possible. You took in his appearance and saw blood on his and he looked like he was in a fight, multiple fights.
"Darling I'm not going to hurt you, no one's going to, you're with me" He said softly and put a strand of your hair behind your ear.
"C'mere please" He said and opened his arms for you to come into. You slowly released your knees from yourself and crawled to him and wrapped your arms around his neck, and put your face into the crook of his neck. He was sweaty but you didn't care.
He wrapped his arms around your waist and held onto the back of your head. You wrapped your legs around his waist, koala bear hugging him. He slowly got out from under the table, making sure you didn't hit your head and stood up, with you still hanging onto him. His hands move from your waist to under your bum to hold you properly. He sat down in a booth and rubbed your back.
"You're okay now" He whispered into your ear and kissed your temple. Your breathing slowed down and became regular pattern. He ran his hand through your hair. He heard soft snores come from you, and he smiled to himself. You fit into his arms so perfectly, like it was meant to be. He started wondering where Lemon was, and as if on queue Lemon walked in with the same man that walked in on you and Tangerine making out. They had met and fought on the train before.
"Guess who I found trying to drive this thing" Lemon said smiling and nodded towards the man.
"Wait so who's driving it now?" Tangerine asked, scrunching his eyebrows.
"Turns out this thing has an autopilot, figured that out the hard way" The man with the glasses shrugged, he had an American accent.
"How's she doing?" Lemon asked as he took a seat opposite Tangerine and the man, the American man sat next to Lemon.
"Took her some time, but s'alright now" He said, nodding and looking down at your sleeping body on his.
"You just had to fuck around" Lemon said glaring at Tangerine. He rolled his eyes.
"If you got to know her, you'd like her" Tangerine glared at him.
"Did you get to know her?" Lemon reiterated. Tangerine opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out and he just glared at Lemon.
"How long till we reach Kyoto?" Tangerine turned to the man and asked.
"An hour" The American man said and leaned his head against the wall.
-
Tangerine called a taxi, as you stood beside him. Lemon was talking to the man about how the situation in the bullet train went down. He flagged down a taxi and put your luggage in the boot of the car for you. He opened the door for you and turned to you, one last time.
"So this is it" You sighed and rubbed your upper arms. Tangerine gave you a sad smile and took his coat off and put it on your shoulders so you wouldn't be cold
"Sadly" He said, pursing his lips, his hands lingering on your shoulders but soon fell to his sides.
"Well see you around then" You looked up at him and smiled. He gave you a small smile back. He leaned in, placing his hand slightly on your cheek and gave you a small kiss on the lips. You kissed him back, not wanting to stop. He pulled away and let out a sigh. He helped you get in and shut the door for you.
He watched as your taxi drove away into the night, an ache in his heart, and a pit in his stomach.
Something he's never felt. For some reason, he had a feeling he would run into you again, but for now he had to focus on making it into his apartment.
Part 1: fin.
Part 2: still under construction
Part 3: still under construction
tangerine masterlist: liked this? read more!
marauders as things my friends and i have said:
it's peter's birthday
Peter: Trust me, I love flowers, I would love to get flowers but like instead of walking past a flower shop and thinking about me, maybe walk past those shawarma food trucks and think about me. Also when you see chips, with extra garlic sauce, and maybe some pastries. Oooh especially the strawberry pastries. And maybe some cake too... yeah some chocolate cake. You know what I mean?
James [intently staring at peter]: Sooo no flowers?
Peter [shrugging]: I mean, wouldn't mind them, but yeah I guess.
James [looking behind him and shaking his head subtly]: See, I knew that, I just felt like you didn't know that yourself, and I wanted to remind you of what you like.
Remus and Sirius: throwing the flowers they had into the bin
Peter: What?
James: Uhh the Enlightenment, now don't mind me, but I have some things to do [takes his phone out to call the nearest shawarma place while walking away]
Peter [utterly confused]: The fuck?
marauders as things my friends and i have said
Remus: And trust me, I love her to death, but sometimes I feel like-
Sirius [gasping]: WHY ARE YOU TALKING SHIT ABOUT HER?!
Remus: ...
Sirius: ...
Remus: ...
Sirius: tries to hold back a laugh
Remus: gets up to leave
Sirius [yelling and trying to grab onto Remus]: WAIT NO I NEED THE TEA, I'M SORRY!
𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐑: 𝐀 𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬
pairing: alexei vronsky x reader
warning, this is not proof-read so there might be minor mistakes
“Milaya moya, what is it that you think so deeply about?” He asked, breaking the silence and tension in the room. You jumped slightly, startled, putting a hand on your sternum as a reaction to the shock.
“Ah, Alexei, you startled me, I did not notice you” You laughed slightly, looking at him.
‘I had not noticed you’
But you always notice when he walks in the room. Your eyes always light up, your smile always deepens, and your shoulders relax knowing that he was there to take care of you.
Your words upset him, he knew something was clogging your mind, he just did not know what exactly it was. He was determined to find out and rid you of those thoughts to make you happy, to see you happy.
“I was rather silent, I suppose” Alexei said, pushing his thoughts of sadness away, trying to figure you out.
“Now, my love, do tell, what is bothering you” He said, putting the newspaper down onto the seat and getting up, making his way to you, kneeling right in front of you so you would meet his eyes.
“I have told you, I am f-” You started but Alexei cut you off, softly.
“And do not say that you are fine, because you seem very enervating” He said and softly placed one hand on your knee and the other on your stomach.
“I do not wish for you to stress, my dove, it will only cause you and the child harm, so please do tell me what is causing you to be so burdened. Put it on me so I can carry that burden for you” He said softly, his eyes sincere and carrying a pain, and empathy, a mixture you never want to see in his eyes.
You looked down, feeling your eyes start to water, your throat started to burn, your eyes stinging slightly. You did not want to meet his eye, you felt shameful. Felt disgusting for feeling the way you feel.
You trusted him, you really did, but the dream, the vision, felt so real, so genuine, it was hard to not brood.
He reached his hand up to your cheeks, cupping it right after pushing a stray strand fall from your beautifully plaited hair.
“Darling,” He said softly, reminding you that he was still there. To listen, to hear, and understand you. You swallowed and licked your lips. You looked at him, through your eyelashes, his eyes boring into yours. His eyes, so blue and clear, every single feeling of concern and sadness engraved into them.
You cleared your throat and shook your head.
“I would like some time alone” You whispered and looked back down to your lap, watching his hand on your knee, his thumb rubbing the fabric of your dress.
The hope in Alexei’s eyes left and he felt his shoulders slump. He licked his lips and stood up, lending out a hand to you to hold. You looked up at him when you saw him stretching his hand out for you to use to get back up on your feet. He had a soft smile on his face, calming your nerves.
“Then time alone is what you shall get” He said and nodded to his stretched out hand for you to grab onto, to help you stand up.
“That is with me at a safe distance” He quickly added as you closed your book, putting it to the side and putting your hand in his, allowing him to pull you up.
click here: A Rose for your Thoughts to read the whole thing!
click here to go back to NAVIGATION
marauders as things my friends and i have said:
James: And she said that she hated me, which I personally think is code for, 'I want you to try harder'
Remus: No, I think she just wants you to leave her alone
James: But she laughed at my joke!
Peter: I think she laughed at the way you hit your head against the pillar after you made the joke
James: But she had like this small smile on her face!
Sirius: If I may offer my opinion-
James [tensed]: Shut up you're French., go oui oui baguette somewhere else
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