When You Go To Bed Significantly Earlier Than Usual, A Little Menu Should Pop Up Asking If You Want Wake

ever since i was a little girl i’ve been awkward and embarrassing

An ancient Roman soothsayer would be frothing at the mouth at this.

Vulture!!! They're my favorite :)

pssttt if you see this post tell me what your favorite bird is

charged guilty with the crime of wanting

What gel can I buy to make my hair flow like it's been painted on a canvas by someone who cries as they paint

Stories that would be improved by polyamory:

Dracula: it's basically a novel of kitchen-table polyamory already, but this way someone might actually kiss Jack Seward.

A Midsummer Night's Dream: just let them all have an orgy at the end. I feel like they'd be into it. Puck's invited too if he wants.

Bridget Jones' Diary: why force a choice between Mark and Daniel if there was the option to have both?

Any Arthuriana: less cheating, more honesty, fewer duels, more snogging, everyone's a winner.

Stories that would be made worse by polyamory:

Wuthering Heights: dear God do not give Cathy and Heathcliff a reason to drag more people into their terrible relationship than are already involved.

missing that bastard, lestat de lyingcunt or whatever his name is

The moon

i'm hot and maladjusted it's literally fine