YALL! I JUST FOUND THE ‘GOTH RAVE’ COLOR PALLET SETTING!! WAS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME THIS WAS A

Touches you with my traumagenic median fingers

I’m gonna be honest I have no idea when this showed up in my asks I continually forget to check that thing.

Anyways

Boops you back

As previously stated, I have no quarrels with those who believe something different than me as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. A lot of the endogenic community is great at hurting people so as a default I ask them to steer clear of my page to keep my followers feeling safe. But if you can chill, believe whatever the hell you want. That has nothing to do with me.

We let a little come out last night in front of our best friend and boyfriend, it was the first time we had a little in the front without a caretaker confronting and without them masking.

Let me just say. Both my friend and my boyfriend were amazing at taking care of her. They explained things and made her laugh. They were very patient even though none of us knew it was going to happen.

I wish everyone had as amazing and supportive people in their life as I do. People who won’t judge or belittle you when you start acting like an 8 year old, but instead will teach them how to cross their eyes and give them a taste of their soda and explain things like growing up to an alter that is scared to get older.

Thank you guys for everything. I hope I never lose you.

-Apollo

why endos dni? /nm/genq

(Sorry for the delay in responding)

As previously mentioned on this blog, I want my blog to be a purely traumagenic system space. As a traumagenic system myself I believe I have every right to ask for a space that does not include those who have different fundamentals than me. I have seen so many people attacked for believing that trauma is the only way to form a system (this is what I believe as well) by self labeled endogenic systems who say they accept everyone. I have no problem with speaking civilly and being kind to those who disagree with me, as long as we can both agree that bullying from the safety of a screen is not okay.

The same way LGTBQAI+ individuals may want a community without straights to help them feel safe, this doesn’t mean I’m labeling all individuals who identify as endogenic a bully, I’m simply trying to eliminate the possibility of ever making this space hostile.

If you are an endogenic reading this, know that I have no right to tell you you are invalid. You may very well be experiencing the same things as I am with a different label on it. That being said, if you are an endogenic I ask that you steer clear of my blog to help those who don’t trust your community, that has repeatedly attacked them.

Thanks for the question/gen

-Apollo

I’ve been having a lot of doubts recently. A lot of wondering if I’m just making it up because I wanted to. I don’t know right now. Maybe I just wanted to be broken so that my pain was finally valid.

I don’t know.

Moral of the story. If I delete my blog or go quiet for a while, it’s cause I’m rethinking everything.

-Apollo

So these tags were on my post about amnesia. And I want to address it. Short answer, no you do not. You need blackout amnesia (assuming that’s what you meant by full amnesia) in order to have DID.

DID is not the only way to have a system, OSDD 1-b has very little or no amnesia and still has alters, so does p-DID.

Though I do want to differentiate between the different types of amnesia.

Emotional amnesia: where you don’t remember any emotions that you were feeling during the event.

Greyouts: when you remember what happened but have no memories of it, as if someone told you about the event but you weren’t there.

Blackouts: when you don’t remember anything about what happened, and you often don’t remember that you missed something.

I’d also like to mention that amnesia often doesn’t happen in the moment, often the memory will fade over a short period of time until they’re gone. At least that’s what I experience.

Anyways, here you are @sprites-your-cal

Hope this helped

-Apollo

Day 6: Problematic Alter

So here’s the thing. I feel like calling an alter ‘problematic’ is not a great way to communicate with your system. Anything they are doing is almost certainly a coping mechanism brought on by trauma. Does that means it’s always healthy? Absolutely not. But that doesn’t mean they’re doing it to harm the system, even if that’s what happens sometimes. Labeling an alter as ‘problematic’, to us at least, has the same kind of feel as labeling them as ‘the evil alter’ it’s not a great feeling. It often alienates them and a lot of times makes them feel unwanted, you are literally attaching the word ‘problem’ to their identity. How would that make you feel?

And this is not to say that alters don’t do things that can harm the system, or their relationships with others. It’s just to say that EVERYONE should have their own side heard before a conclusion is made. And understanding why an action was taken isn’t going to make the action okay. But it will help you empathize with the person who did it and give you insight on the help they need, as opposed to ridiculing them for what they have learned they need to do to survive.

Labeling an alter as ‘problematic’ is many times a fantastic way to distance them from the system and make them not want to talk to you. Honestly, would you want to sit down and have a conversation with your parents, for instance, if they told all their friends you were the ‘problematic child’? Probably not. That doesn’t mean you were never a pain, or that you never acted up, it’s just not healthy to attach that word to a persons identity.

All this to say, can we not label alters like this? They aren’t just characters for you to talk about and headcannon and label, and doing so isn’t really in the sake of progress. If you have an issue with something your alter is doing a good first step is to try to understand why they do it.

-Angelo/Apollo

Systober I guess?

Apparently there’s a systober thing going on??? I’m gonna use it as a prompt for text posts each day (might draw some stuff, who knows) and we’ll see how far we can get into it and how many days we just forget. I’ll post the photo of the prompt list below. Credit to @persmo for the list.

That system feeling when,

“We don’t actually have a lot of physical trauma so-“

Huge flashback and muscle spasm because of it.

“Never mind.”

Wow time flies when you can’t remember shit.

Here’s my intro. Wasn’t really sure what to say but today I learned I’m terrible on camera. Anyways. Sorry about the wrinkled shirt it’s the only one I could find that I felt okay in.

Don’t forget to sleep at some point

-Hunter Noceda

Our friend is so good at telling us apart, sometimes he catches on before we even realize we’re switching.

We have the right to pretend to be the host don’t take that from us.

-Angelo