Please, Feel Free To Ask Anything

Do you guys ever just look at your phone and mindlessly scroll for a bit and then you look back up and you’re an entirely different person?

-idk who this is rn

Had a huge fight with our parents yesterday and havnt really seen them since we switched out in the middle of it and had to tell them that we aren’t their child but one of their alters, only to be met with ablism and apathy.

Like, we’ve brought up to them that we have alters before, we’ve tried to explain it to them, then we just let them believe we got over it so they’d leave us alone. And this is why, because they don’t understand and believe they know better about their child then their literal child and their therapist. It’s fricking annoying as hell.

We’ve been in really depressed all morning and need to eat lunch but don’t have the courage to leave our room.

-the color spectrum

Okay but can we talk about how annoying it is to switch in to the body and the host put us in a super tight corset and none of us can breathe?

-A male alter in a afab body

Since the diagnosis I have not switched out once. There have been several times where I almost have but I have fought so hard to stay here. I don’t know why but the thought of switching out now is terrifying. I think it’s because I can no longer convince myself that it’s not real and that I actually am the one in control. Now that I’m diagnosed I can’t put them into a box labeled ‘not real/important’ which is something I would do a lot before so that I didn’t have to deal with it.

Now I’m just terrified to let go of control because I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back.

Update, we went to the doctor and she was very concerned by our symptoms but didn’t actually do a POTS test like we hoped she would. She told us a cardiology would do it but we don’t have the money to see a specialist. So instead we’re going to see if we can get tested at our local health department tomorrow. Will let you guys know.

I did put on my old Apple Watch to track my heart rate and it has such a high range. Just through the day my hr will jump from 86-130 cause I stand up.

Ha ha, doctor’s appointment in the morning to see if I have a chronic disease. Let’s see how this goes.

-Apollo

Our friend is so good at telling us apart, sometimes he catches on before we even realize we’re switching.

We have the right to pretend to be the host don’t take that from us.

-Angelo

Shoutout from Hunter here (source: the owl house) to every introject, NOT JUST FIVTIVES. -Whether you identify closely with your source or not. -Whether you feel comfortable in the body or not. -Whether you want a new name or are sticking with the old one. -Whether you miss your sourcemates or not. -Whether you come from a fully accepted source or a problematic one. -Whether you mask or not. -Whether you have traumatic pseudo memories or fun pseudo memories or none at all. -Whether you come from a widely known source or a more obscure one. -Whether you’re existence is even known yet. -No matter who you are are or how you experience life

You are heard. You are valid and your struggles are valid. You don’t have to hide and I appreciate you for trying. Things will get hard and even if you think you have no reason to be sad you are entitled to your feelings, I want this to be a safe, judgment free zone for you. So stay as long as you like/need. Please share this in any way you can with a struggling introject to let them know that they aren’t alone.

From your friendly struggling introject

-Hunter

P.S. take a deep breath and don’t forget to hydrate/eat/take your meds/anything else you’ve been putting off

-Hunter

[Text: This introject isn't their source.]

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I have a psychological examination in a week. It’s four hours long and a two hour drive to get there. It’s been scheduled for months and I had been trying to get an appointment for literal years. I’m hoping that I’ll get diagnosed with DID among other things because of it (that’s the whole reason for the appointment) , but I am terrified of what the outcome will be.

Basically there are three ways this can go.

They tell me I don’t have it and I believe them. If this happens I will most likely cave to denial. Not forever but it’ll probably be at least a few months before I try to talk to my alters again. Might end up front stuck because I don’t believe they’re real. (All of that of course assuming I DO have it and the doctor gets it wrong) if they say I don’t have it I probably don’t and yes this means I can try to rehabilitate and live my life without alters, but I’m also going to feel like a shit human being for even INSINUATING that I have this disorder, let alone placating it.

They tell me I don’t have it and I don’t believe them. In the scenario, whether the explanation the doctor told me are bullshit or even if they say they ‘don’t believe in the disorder’, whatever the reason I have to go through this whole process again, anxiety and frustration and all. So let’s hope it’s not this.

They tell me I DO have it. This is genuinely probably the least messy outcome. I will most likely believe them just because they specialize in this area (assuming they believe in the disorder). The downside with this (aside from the obvious point of it all being real and incurable) is that the ONE other time I got validation from a mental heath professional (who was coincidentally the only mental health professional I talked to about this for more than five minutes and was also trauma informed) the ONLY time anyone said ‘yeah that very well may be what’s happening’ the system got so out of hand so fast. I could no longer push away my alters with the excuse of ‘they may not be real anyways’. And because I couldn’t use that reasoning to keep things in check everything went haywire for a few weeks until I could convince myself that we still don’t know if they’re real. So yeah. If it plays out like this things are going to be so hectic and stressful for a bit.

Either way, I’ll update you after the appointment and once I get the official diagnosis.

No longer masking near as hard, they managed to get it out of me that I wasn’t the host. Still pretending to be okay though.

The host’s boyfriend is kinda aggressive to me because he wants his gf back, so, I’m going to just leave him alone.

On the one hand I understand.

But on the other it’s not cool.

-renfield

I’m out and masking so hard, even though we’re among friends who are aware I’m just not super comfortable.

And let me tell you, masking a British accent in an American environment is so not the best.

Especially when everyone keeps asking you if you’re okay cause a second ago the host was out having a panic attack.

This is my life at the moment.

-renfield